ʜᴜʀʀɪᴄᴀɴᴇ

indie rp. selective. nsfw & triggering. mun is 16+ written by chloe. theme by the lovely madi.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

hi, i’m chloe, and i’m a trash bag

sorry for not being on lately. it’s not that i don’t want to... actually, i kinda don’t want to. may’s muse is like a glowstick right now and it was really bright, but now it’s fizzled and i’m just meh (i don’t really have anything threads, and the one with ben and may is the only reason i’m still coming on).

i also got a job and it’s the last little part of school and i have a lot to do in order to be on track credit wise for this year. so with working, and school, and actually having a life sometime, i haven’t really been able to get on.

(okay, yeah, ad i went back to rpgs. still kinda sick of indie tbh)

sorry if my activity is going to be super low. i’ll probably still come on now and then. i’m just trash. (but i get money now so rich trash)

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                    God, he doesn’t even know where to begin, and he’s pretty sure that’s evident from his silence. “Stars are just like, spheres of plasma.” There. That’s a good start. He’s really trying to go slow and make his words have some sort of coherent connection, otherwise he’s just going to sound like some kind of fucking nerd. “They take one hundred thousand years to form, give or take. And then, depending on their size and whatever, they can live maybe ten billion years.” He pauses. “The bigger the star, the shorter its life span, obviously, because it burns up fuel faster, but yeah.”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                   May didn’t really pay attention in science class. It was borning. So she really didn’t know anything about stars. This was kind of new. And hearing it from Ben made it ten times beter. It’s nice to hear him talk about something he likes to talk about. She even smiles a little as she listens. “That’s cool,” There’s a second for her to pause and think about what to say next. What does she ask? “What’s your favorite thing about them?” That’s a pretty good place to start. Maybe this will even help him feel a little bit better. She wants to just lay here for forever and let him talk to her about stars because she loves ever word that comes out of his mouth and if she can get him to do it more, she will. She also likes the feeling of his arms around her.

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                    Let me be your distraction. He remembers when he told her that, when she was drunk and crying and he was sober and worried. To this day, he remembers that, and he thinks that to this day, she’s sort of fulfilling that request. He smiles just a little bit at her question, before adjusting himself just slightly under her. “What do you want to know?”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

             She thinks for a second, because yes, she’s going to answer it. She’s going to start him somewhere because it’s broad, and May’s curious, “Stars. They’re cool. tell me about them.” When he shifts, so does she, nuzzling in a little closer with a sniff. Stars are those only things that remind her that there’s so much more than just her. Already, he’s got her distracted from everything because her eyes are closing and she’s just seeing the stars above her. Maybe they could see stars together someday.

[selfembodiment-archive-deactiva]

A smile befalls his lips–a gesture almost long forgotten. But somehow it felt right. Everything felt carefully balanced yet so fragile at the same time, as if a deep exhale could tip it over and destroy it all. Which is why he breathes carefully and in short inhales, dreading the moment when she would take her head away and leave him alone to fend for himself. Funny how the tables had turned. 

But as the seconds pass by in comfortable silence, and her body leaves the crook of his neck warm and pleasant, he gathers enough courage to lift her chin up with his hand. Only a moment of hesitation overcomes him before he dives in for the kiss, lips littered with careful gentleness. 

[whiskeyesx-blog]

May likes the familiar. She’s had a lack of it for the later part of her life and when she does manage to squeeze it in, it makes her bones warm and her muscles loosen. Like she’s in constant defense mode--- ready to fight or flight. But now she doesn’t feel any of that. She’s letting her walls down for him because he’s her safe place. She  never expected to have one in another person. 

It’s electrifying---- this kiss that they’re sharing. The first time their lips have met in over a year. It’s like she found what she’d been missing for so long. She longed for him, sure, but for the past few months, she’s just forgotten, and being reminded has just made her sort of happy. She’s got a hand placing on his jaw, molding into him, and feeling safer than she has in a long while.

[hand-ed]

Just let me do my job.

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                Maybe it’s one of their things, or something. Because somehow May always winds up in his arms when shit’s sort of gone wrong and then she asks him to tell her something. It’s always hard when she asks that. Mostly because he’s not really that much of a sharing person, but partly because there are some things about himself that he really doesn’t want to tell her about. Like, he didn’t want her to know that his brother was dead, but that happened because his dad couldn’t keep his mouth shut about it. Whatever. “I like space.” That’s sort of the best thing he can think of.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                She just doesn’t like having her thoughts on herself--- thinking of all these shitty things running through her head. He’s good at distracting her; tracing patterns on her skin, holding her closer to his body, actually taking to her when she asks. She’s tilting her head a little to look up at hi, sniffing a little bit more and wiping a her wet cheeks away. “Okay. Tell me about space.” She ever knew he liked something. She felt good getting o know this. It’s another reason why she asks. It forces him to let her get to know him just a little bit more. 

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                   She’s sort of just looking at him for a second, and he looks at her for a fraction of that time before he starts focusing on how to fit comfortably with her on this hospital bed. “You’re welcome,” he says, and his arm goes around her, his hand moving to rub little circles into her back. It’s supposed to be comforting. He wonders if that’s working.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                And May’s not really that scared. Sure, this has never happened before, but stuff like this has happened, and now she’s calming down fro he initial shock and it’s easier to tell herself she’ll be okay. Bundled up in him, she’s breathing more evenly and trying to sniff everything away, but she likes this. She likes his smell and the ways he touches her and she likes that he will lay with her. She likes that he gives her the comfort she asks for. “Can you tell me something?” She asks, for the second time for them. Just to fill their silence She likes it when he tells her stuff. Besides, she hopes the more he does it, the less uncomfortable he’ll be with it.

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                  He knows that he’s horrible at it. He’s not used to it, honestly. He’s not used to someone other than his sisters needing physical comfort and, maybe most importantly, he’s not good at deciding when exactly it’s okay for him to wrap his arms around someone. But Ben just laughs a little bit and then moves onto the bed, moving an arm to go under her before sort of pulling her head to his chest. “I know.”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

              His laugh swells her chest a little and she’s looking up at him with big eyes, just staring for a second. Did he know that the perfect way to go was laugh or whatever? No, he probably doesn’t, because he’d probably do shit like this more to get her feeling a little bit better. So she rests her head on his chest and she’s letting her eyes close a little. Just having his close is comforting her so much. “Thank you,” She mumbles, her arms sort of wrapping around him half way, and weakly.

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                    It’s mostly that he doesn’t want to do something wrong. Especially not with her like this, because him fucking up would just make everything so much worse, he’s pretty sure. “Like — “ He doesn’t know what she means by that, but he stands up and sits on the edge of the bed anyways, because he’s thinking she maybe wants him to hold her or put her in his lap or something. “Here?”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                He’s really bad at this, and it’s no frustrating her, it’s just... making it difficult. She wants him and she’s May so she’s having a hard time just saying it, which is what he’d need. So she looks at him, and through her tears, with a little choke in the middle, she speaks, “You’re so fucking bad at this,” Wiping her tears with the back of her hand weakly, she lays back on the bed, patting the little space beside her. He’s done this before, you’d think he’d remember.

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                    “What do you want me to do?” Because he clearly doesn’t know and there’s clearly something that he’s not doing that she obviously wants him to, but he doesn’t know what the fuck that is. H has a habit of doing that — when all else fails, of just asking, and he wonders if that bothers her. Then again, he’s pretty sure that sometimes, his lack of doing anything might bother her a little bit, too, and so at least this is something. Whatever. He’s moving to grab her hand then because she’s crying and he feels so bad and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                Playing with the blanket, she’s trying to get her tears under control. Her eyes are moving around the room, looking places that aren’t Ben and then he’s saying stuff, he’s asking her what to do. She always likes it--- it means that he cares. It means that he actually wants to see her better and so she sniffs and she looks at her lap, squeezing his hand. “Could you just.... c’mere?” She needs him closer so bad, no matter how shitty he is at it, he holds and she feels safer. In some weird fucking way.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                        YOU’RE GONNA MISS ME WHEN I’M                                               G O N E

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                    No, honestly, he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand what she wants him to do because some people want comfort and some people want to be left the fuck alone and some people fluctuate between those two extremes and Ben just doesn’t know. He’s never done this before, he’s never been close with someone that’s dying by something that’s not their choice and he doesn’t know if he should touch her or something and grab her hand or just sit there. And now she’s yelling at him and Ben’s sort of frowning but he sits down and scoots the chair closer and lets his fingers glide across her knuckles before settling his hand down on her lap. “Shit, okay, I — I’m right here.”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                   And if May were any other normal human being, she’d be able to tell him to lay down with her and hold her and rock her and tell her it’s all going to be okay. But doing that would mean that she needs him, and May doesn’t really know how she feels about that.So he’s just sitting next to her, and it feels so far away and he’s just barely touching her and it’s not doing anything to make her feel better. The whole insecurity is still there. She’s still sitting there with legs that don’t move and she’s crying because Ben wont come near her and she doesn’t know why and she’s scared and she can’t even tell him that she needs him to be close, and it’s all fucked up. 

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                       And, okay, now that he has full knowledge of what exactly is happening to her, the sight of her on the hospital bed just seems so much worse. Like, this isn’t some freak thing with her nerves fucking up, or whatever. No. She’s dying and this is a side effect of that, or some kind of sign of it, or whatever. He’s stepping over to her and he’s standing next to her bad and he wants to touch her but he doesn’t know if he should. “—You’re gonna be fine.” That’s supposed to be encouraging, or something. Uplifting, even. He’s not sure if he accomplishes that.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                  Does he even understand at all? It’s hard to cut him slack when she’s like this. She’s reaching for him so weakly and he’s standing right next to her and does’t even try to touch her. Does he understand that it only makes her feel like she’s some repulsive, dying freak? Does he not want to touch her? Has seeing her like this and knowing the cause for the first time make him realize he doesn’t want to be with her? May can’t understand that he’s not thinking this, because these are the thoughts everyone else has had. She’s frowning and looking at him and crying and she’s yelling again. “I don’t want to be fine, I want you!”

[wcmanizer]

“Clearly.” he mutters as he wipes at her lip, not bothering to be gentle at this point — she has to learn her lesson one way or another. “He’s an ass, and you know it. There’s douchebag,” he started, motioning to himself as reference, “— and him. He doesn’t give a shit about you. If he did, right now you’d be there, and I’d be watching TV with a hand down my boxers.”

[whiskeyesx-blog]

She hisses a little because now he’s being a little rough and he’s just going to make it worse if he keeps doing it like that. “Why are you giving me relationship advice. You’re not really a stellar role model for this sort of thing.” It’s hard to explain to him, to get Eli to understand. Her boyfriend’s there. The rare moments when he’s sweet, it’s nice. She doesn’t get that. He sticks around. She’s always afraid of losing people. How does she explain that to him?

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

                   He’s probably breaking a lot of laws, right now, because he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek and speeding down the street and he’s pretty sure that he basically just ran a red light. But none of that really matters because a ticket in the mail doesn’t mean shit right now because he doesn’t know what’s going on with May. If she’s okay, what kind of condition she’s in, anything. And so that’s why he asks the first nurse that he finds which room number May Adams is in really nicely because he’s her ‘boyfriend’ and he wants to make sure that she’s okay. He almost doesn’t get away with it, but then she’s showing him to her room and he’s stepping inside and letting out a harsh huff of relief because she’s there, all alive and in front of him.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                       Oh, there he is. Standing right there, letting out a long breath. For a second the tears stop and she’s just staring at him with her big brown eyes. It doesn’t last long, though, soon her face is wrinkling and she’s crying again because she doesn’t know what’s going to happen to her. She’s awkwardly holding her hands out in her lap for him, because outstretched arms are too much work. “I’m so scared, Ben,” Well, this is the second time he’s seen her this bad. Must be fun for him. She must be tearing him to pieces. Though she’s not thinking about that right now. She’s thinking about how much she needs him right now.

[wcmanizer]

“You need to stop letting him treat you like this.” he snarled as he handed her the washcloth, running a hand through his hair slowly. As much as he appreciated and loved his friend, he couldn’t deny that her recent decisions were, well, stupid. “You still — hold on.” he muttered, taking the cloth from her so he could help clean her face.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

“You need to stop thinking I’m a helpless little girl.” She’s snarling right back, only to stop because it made her lips sting. She can’t even frown because of the cut on her eyebrow. Things happen like this--- they fight, she gets drunk, trips or falls or gets in another bar fight. Comes to Eli rather than her boyfriend. She’s clearly got her shit together. “I can take care of myself.”

[anklebitxrsarchive-blog]

               Okay, so, she said something about having to go, or whatever. The paramedics probably have her phone and they’re not letting her answer it (which is really fucking rude, but whatever). That’s it, Ben figures, but that doesn’t stop the slight worry that he feels, gnawing there at the back of his mind. His thumb is tapping against the steering wheel and he’s so worried because he doesn’t want anything to be wrong. He just has to make it to the hospital, make it there and make sure that she’s okay.

[whiskeyesx-blog]

                      And they’re just putting her in the hospital room, and the nurses are hooking her up to the machines and telling her they’re going to figure everything out as quickly as they can. They leave her alone, though. They leave alone the crying girl who’s crying out for someone names Ben and they decide it’s okay to leave her alone. So she’s stopped yelling, or saying anything. She’s just staring at the door, hoping that he’s going to show up. She’s just crying and she doesn’t look away because she’s too afraid to. Like if she does, he’ll appear and disappear just as fast.