Whisp of Creativity

Writing / Drawing blog of Whisp [tundralwhisper.tumblr.com]

[vink-charles]

I am scared

What if I feel this way forever?

What if it gets worse?

Everyday is like taking a chance

Will it be a managable day?

Or one of those unbearable ones?

I am getting tired of hoping

I just want to be okay

[vink-charles]

The total hours you get is less than 3

You beg your body to rest

Yet it refuses

Forcing you to lay with your thoughts

Making it even harder for you

No matter what

You will stay awake

Trying, and trying..

Just to be awake again

[whispofcreativity]

3: Fires - Morals

This one came to me while seeing *yet another transphobe doing the "IdEnTiFy aS aN AttACk HeLiCoPTeR" bit* and diving into an internal debate about tradition affecting our morals.

It's a weird path to coming up with an analogy, I know. But trust me, this is normal for me.

Anygays, let's go:

The fire, ever burning but never burning away, is a person's set of morals. It burns bright if we're outspoken about it, it might burn someone if we force our fire onto them, and it provides a sense of comfort. Most of all, we believe it to be correct.

But the real core of this one is the question of how the fire came to be. I've come up with 3 real methods, showing 3 different ways to form your morality.

Option one: You weren't there when the fire was built. It's a fire built by your ancestors, be it parents, grandparents, or even further back. You were taught that this fire is correct, comforting. That everything else, every other fire, is *wrong*, somehow, unless it looks the *exact* same way as this one.

This type of fire, of course, represents a set of morals dominated by tradition. You didn't build it, you didn't see how someone built it, you were simply taught that this is the result you want for a fire.

If someone kicks it over and breaks a few parts in the process, you'll have to guess how to put the broken pieces together. You've only ever seen the result, never the parts, nor have you ever gathered your own parts. It will be almost impossible to rebuild the way it was without help from those who built it.

Option 2: You got the parts for the fire, and the instructions, like some sort of Lego set. Someone told you that "This is the best kind of fire. Pay me money and I'll give you the parts and instructions to build it yourself!" You didn't learn the skills to build a fire, you never gathered your own pieces, you just followed someone else's guidance.

This type of fire represents the morality one gains by following the teachings of others, believing everything they say without a hint of doubt. The people who fall for things like Andr!w T!te's Hustler's University would likely build this fire.

If someone kicks it over, or breaks a few parts, you've got the instructions, and you can get the same parts again, of course... but that means you have to still believe that the fire is correct, even after someone has clearly disagreed.

Option 3: You built the fire, start to finish. You had an idea of your fire before you started, but you built it from parts you found, parts you were given. You took some as they were, you changed others to fit better, and you discarded some because you couldn't make them fit. Then, when you had your parts, you put it together until it fit and looked right, and then you lit your fire. And, truly, this *is*, by all means, *your* fire.

This is likely the rarest type to see. A set of morals built entirely from your own thoughts, trying to have as little outside influence as possible, the only biases being your own.

If someone kicks this fire over, it's no biggie. You have the skills to pick the correct parts and adapt them, you have the skills to put the fire back together, and you have the skills to light it again. Even if you have to start over from the beginning... you've done it before. you *can* restart it.

Going from type 1 or 2 to type 3 is very difficult, and quite unpleasant. You either have to burn yourself while trying to inspect every piece, or extinguish it for a bit.

This represents the often uncomfortable or painful process of quesitoning your own beliefs to make sure they are truly your own, having to either hurt yourself by questioning the beliefs you still act on, or having to entirely withdraw from acting on them until your self-reflection is done.

Kicking out someone's fire also hase some meaning, of course. It represents making someone question their beliefs, dismantling them, *disagreeing with them*. It puts into question whether the beliefs are true, especially for types 1 and 2. They were sold to you as objectively and unquestionably correct... so why would someone disagree?

Rebuilding the fires, then, means to put your morals back together... a process that requires questioning them, unless you want to burn yourself on them. A difficult process, if some of the parts of your morality were broken - you can no longer agree with them, because you've seen it in a different light.

Also, if I didn't make it clear: Type 3 is the correct type. It might be the same result as the other two sometimes, but it's the only way to be certain that the morals you fight for are truly *your* morals.

...damn, I might actually be smart sometimes.

[whispofcreativity]

2: Locked Glass Door - Qualifications and Job Boards

Came up with this one on the fly while talking to the job agency guy a few weeks back.

A job board, especially a digital one, can be a locked glass door if you still have educational steps ahead that you can take for more qualifications.

Glass because, well, it shows you what's availible. You're on one side of it, but you can see the other side.

Locked Door because, frankly, you can't get through right now. You might never get through. You'd have to look for the key, and there's not always a guarantee you can find the key. You might have enough money to get a locksmith at some point, or maybe someone is selling the key, or offering you one of the keys off of their keyring for you to try.

You have to put in work, money, or both, if you ever want to get through. Which, if you may notice, is the exact way that *getting a degree* or other qualification works. You can purchase some of them, i.E. a legal license to do things, you have to work for some of them, i.E. an apprenticeship, and for things like a privatized school education, you have to pay *and* put in effort.

Job agency guy was pretty impressed with this one.

[whispofcreativity]

1: Islands and Bridges - People and Connections

This one's not actually all that crazy, or original. It doesn't need to be. The idea of connections between people being bridges has been around for a long time (i.E. "burning bridges" = "cutting contact in a way that can't be rebuilt easily"), but a personal experience really got me to realizing that it's so much more than just that phrase.

People, in this analogy, are islands. Big ravines between them. You can see other islands, within a bit of distance, and you can even see the bridges between some of them. Maybe even how strong those bridges are!

This, of course, is pretty direct. People who don't know each other have no connection, they can't really talk like good friends from the get-go without building that connection. It might be built really quickly, but it's not instant. You can still *see* the strangers, though. You can see some of the relationships between strangers, too. People kissing have a connection, for example. You don't need to know either one to see that. Sometimes, you can see if a relationship is strong, if the bridge is about to crumble. A couple looking stressed, looking in different directions, but clearly being together to some extent... that bridge looks like it'll crumble at some point.

But the bridges are so much more important for this, they are the *real* core of the analogy. Bridges can look a ton of ways, both from the outside and from the threshold on either end. The two appearances might not match, either. Relationships are much the same. Looks like friends from the outside, is actually something waayyy different... not exactly an uncommon thing.

But it's more important on how the bridge analogy works when considering a friend *group*, and how friendships (or other relationships) *end*.

A friend group is nothing more than a set of islands, connected by an interweaving web of bridges. Everyone has a connection to everyone else. Sometimes, that connection means crossing someone else's island - a "friend of a friend", for example. There might be a bridge being built, but until then, the connection has a step inbetween.

But when friendships end, we get interesting things. Because not every connection relates to burning a bridge.

A bridge can deteriorate over time, fall apart by itself. A bridge can be cut, disconnected at an end... or somewhere in the middle. A bridge can be burned, of course, damaged irreperably and made unusable by one side. And a bridge can be destroyed because one of the islands crumbles.

Let's look into each of these, one by one:

First, a bridge deteriorating. If two people fall out of touch, too busy to maintain their friendship, it'll be a matter of time before it falls apart, unless someone puts in the work to try and keep it steady once they notice.

A bridge being cut can be done two ways: At one end, or at a midway point. Especially in romantic relationships, this is pretty clear. A break-up, one-sided or mutual. One or both sides decide that the connection cannot persist anymore.

A bridge being burned is, of course, very obvious, it's the line that this entire metaphor is based on. You burn a bridge from one side, and either take your own precautions, or get harmed while burning it. The other side usually doesn't get time to prepare, so they *will* get harmed in the process, almost certainly so. Sometimes, the fire will even spread to another bridge of theirs, causing collateral damage that needs to be adressed quickly to avoid the other bridge falling apart as well. Genuinely, something horrible you should only do to horrible people.

And, the last one, one that I hadn't even considered until just now: An island can crumble, the foundation being damaged irreperably, making the bridge fall. If the connection between the two people based itself off of both people doing something, i.E. two alcoholics drinking, or two drug addicts getting high together, or two gym rats spotting each other for workouts, and one person stops doing that thing, i.E. due to getting help with their addiction or being unable to go to the gym anymore, the connection will be in danger, and will crumble without effort from both sides to maintain it.

The way I realized this analogy, to the truest... was a breakup. Not mine, but that of my two best friends (one of them might even be reading this.)

The breakup was, to put it frankly, *rough*. One side burned bridges with the entire friend group, except for me, while the other side was left to burn. The side who burned the bridges felt no remorse, they are certain they were wronged. The side who got burned felt it was an extremely rude, inconsiderate overreaction.

Unfortunately, these feelings could not be left to simmer. Both sides needed to express their disliking for the other... and the only path was through their bridges with me. I, of course, didn't tell any of the rude things to the other side... which left both sides to tell me all the worst things about one another.

That shit was... *is* rough. Very rough. It's painful. I can't ever really talk with either side without them dragging me into the fire between them, and it HURTS. So, so much. But, of course, I'm too much of a doormat to tell people to stop walking all over me in their march toward war.

I should tell them to stop. Both.

...and I will.

Eventually.

[whispofcreativity]

Analogies and Metaphors

I fucking love analogies and metaphors. I keep coming up with new ones for stuff, like some sort of hyperfixation, day in, day out, *especially* when I've just seen content I don't fully agree with. When my brain goes "No. No, I disagree. I disagree for reasons that others need to know. Comments section time.", an analogy is approachiong. Time to share a few. I've tried to make them into poems, but I don't think I ever succeeded. Not fully. So, I scrapped their poem form, and kept thinking about them. Now, it's time to share them. With some extra personal touch for some of them. New series? Don't expect it to be very regular.

First one out tomorrow at noon (CEST)

[whispofcreativity]

No. 10: Fear

In life, we all fell one thing, no matter who we are. That thing, of course, is fear.

For many, their greatest fear, will change at times, maybe year to year, from darkness in childhood, through bugs, through crime, to debt, or something else... But not mine.

My greatest fear, age 4 'till now, has remained one and the same. No change, no different aspect, no interruptions by a different fear, no... it was always Death.

The first time I feared death, I had awoken from a nightmare. Little child I was, it hit me hard. It ended with my death... but neither then, nor now, could I imagine how I'd feel after the fact.

I ran to my parents, crying my eyes out, because, truly, I was terrified. My father tried, and failed, of course, to reassure me, "The 'how' is the worst, not what's next. 'Cause once the 'how' is done, you'll feel nothing." And that... just made it worse.

Being raised catholic, you'd expect I'd think of heaven, or hell, to be quite frank, but, in all honesty, I never believed in either.

And so, through years and years, a decade, and still more, the question has plagued me, night by night, "How will it feel when I'm gone?"

It has kept me alive in my darkest times.

[whispofcreativity]

I'm back

Hi, yeah, I'm not dead actually. Had a bit of a terrible time these past few... weeks? I think?

New poem (?) sunday, 23.07.23, noon CEST

[whispofcreativity]

No. 9: Immortal

In a sense, by definition, I am immortal, because I cannot die. Not because I'm truly unkillable, unaffected by age or time, but simply in the fact that my death could worsen others' lives.

I do not mind the thought of my life meeting an end, that is, until I think about any of my friends and how they might react, might feel, when I'm no longer there to comfort them, or help them, to get past their worst despair.

Until I can be certain that they've survived their worst, I refuse to let my life be finished on this earth.

For if there is a plight that I could've helped them through had I just been alive... That thought alone and by itself, makes me want to cry.

[whispofcreativity]

Welp.

It happened again. Another week of not writing any poetry. I'm sorry, everyone. I hope I'll get something out by next sunday...

[tundralwhisper]

Sorry for the lack of poems yesterday. Been a long fjxking week, and I did NOT have the energy to make literally anything.

Except mistakes. Making mistakes takes no energy for me.

Have a good one, I'll be back with more poems this Sunday, I hope!

[whispofcreativity]

No. 8: Sleep

Sleep. A pretty nice thing, I've been told People joke that it's a free trial of death. But, I don't think that's quite accurate, because not dying as early as you thought is considered a positive by most.

But if it takes you long to sleep in, and you wake up groggy and tired... so, so many people will ask, "Did ya stay up all night?" "Ya watch to much youtube tonight?" "Sat at your desk, gaming, lost track of time?" No, you tireless fools, I went to bed quite on time. I simply failed to truly fall asleep.

I lay in bed, waiting, hoping for sleep, but yet, it never comes (Kuro, I know you're reading this. Don't say it.) Minute after minute, hour after hour, you look at the clock, and to your shock: It's barely been 20 minutes. It feels like an eternity, and, really, it might as well be. Between laying down, getting comfy, and falling asleep, resting properly. And eventually, after tossing and turning, you look at the clock, and to your shock: You've got an hour left to sleep. Another tired day to struggle through, another repeat of the questions. God fucking damnit. Just hit me with a frying pan and knock me the fuck out.

[whispofcreativity]

No. 7: Impatience

As a child, I''m certain, nobody was patient. Not you, not me, not anyone. And so, I think, we all heard some lines from family, teachers, y'know.

"Be patient", they said, "It's a virtue." "Be patient", they said, "it's rude to keep rushing." "Be patient", they said, "I'll tell you when." "Be patient", they said, but never how to.

These lines, classics, truly, exist in all languages. They're said to most children, I'm certain, or at least ones like me. Cases of potential ADHD.

But recently, I've realized it, came to an epiphany. None of these lines, no matter the intentions... ever really helped me.

They said to "be patient", like it was something I was taught. They said to "be patient", like the was no need to explain. They said to "be patient", like it needed no thought. But when I asked them "how?", no answer ever came. All that it did was annoy me, frustrate me, but when I expressed that, the lines returned. So, I wasn't allowed to be impatient, nor allowed to be annoyed, so I did all I could after that. I bottled it up, day after day. Impatient thoughts from an impatient mind, every second throughout time, and still, more than a decade later, almost none have been allowed to ever leave my mouth.

[whispofcreativity]

No. 6: Escape

Sometimes, life is just too much, So much you might wanna quit. Be it a job, a class, a friend, or even life itself. But then, there's always a way to escape the stresses that make life too much... And I wanna talk all about 'em.

First, there's arts, be it written or drawn. A poem to express one's feelings, like the one I'm making here. A story to capture your fantasies, no matter the age rating it'd get. A photo, a sketch, of someone you've seen, or something you want to make. A painting, a drawing, of something unreal, beyond most people's wildest dreams.

Then, there's music, making or listening, though the former would fit in above. Some hard rock to let the anger course through you, some slower, gentler sounds to cry to, some EDM, to get the energy goin' again, or, to focus, a bit of Lo-Fi. Or maybe, the thousands of other genres, for whatever you like.

And then, there's gaming, all forms thereof, be it video games, on PC, Mobile, Console, or physical, stuff like D&D. Block out the world, slip into a new one, live a life as you never have. Be a criminal, a charmer, a hero, a bastard, or just something inbetween. Doesn't matter what, where, when, you can be what you want to be.

Of course, at some point, reality must return. Problems almost never fix themselves. But, by the time that it comes a-knockin', you'll be ready to try.

[whispofcreativity]

No. 5: Seasons

The four basic seasons, known all around, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, What's there to like about each?

Spring, a season of chaotic weather With mud, rain, wind, hot days and cold days switching on a dime and somehow... I like it. The rain makes great white noise, the wind cools me down, and the hot and cold days really give me a chance to bring the whole wardrobe to town.

The plants start to grow, some even bloom. The animals awake from their slumber. And nature gets to shine again.

Summer, a season of bloom, and of heat with scorching days, one after the other, and nights so muggy you wake up half-drowned. And yet, I do enjoy it. Heat sensitive as I may be, the joys of summer are not lost on me. Barbeque with people you like, long evenings spent drinking outside with friends, waterparks open all around, and nature lets its beaty out.

The plants bloom in all their beauty. The sunsets get longer and prettier. And truly, I appreciate it.

Autumn, a season of cold, and of rain where the leaves start to fall and decay, where fewer plants bloom every day. And yet, it is my favourite. The cool temperatures allow all to wear whatever they like without freezing or boiling alive, the leaves turn beautiful all around, and, if you're lucky, on some wondrous nights, thunderstorms light the sky.

The trees reveal beautiful shades. The unbearable heat dissipates. And honestly, I do love it.

Winter, a season of ice, of depression both seasonal and general for some. The leaves have died, the flowers receded, and yet, I kind of like it. The cold means a hoodie will never be too warm, and a beanie looks perfectly fine. Some places have snow, to enjoy, for a time... but, alas, not here.

The climate is changing. The snow is gone, forever. And truly... I do mind it.

[whispofcreativity]

No. 4: Independence

Life is a journey, with many steps on the path Yet for much of it, you're not the one who chooses what direction you take nor whether you walk, march, or run.

As a child, your parents have power over who you know, where you go, what you think is right and wrong, and they might shape what you become.

As a student, your teachers have power over what you learn, how you spend your time, what answer you think is wrong or right, and might restrict what you can become.

As an employee, your boss has power over what you earn, when you get home, what process to follow, like a mere drone, and might limit what you can begome.

After you're done, you've lost your power over what you can do, over how you live, over who you can inspire for the rest of time, and you can only hope to not regret what you became.

[whispofcreativity]

No. 3: Anger

Annoyance. Frustration. Anger. A pipeline of emotions that ends in hate, or violence.

Often, these are pointless feelings. Misguided, unjustified, or simply... hollow. Like running on an empty tank.

Misguided anger is, at its core, an accident. It's nothing more than giving yourself an excuse to be a dick to someone for something, even if it wasn't their fault. Because you think it was.

Unjustified anger is neither accidental, nor can it be excused. You know, very clearly, without a doubt that its target has done nothing to deserve it.

Hollow anger is different. It isn't pointed at one specific thing. It isn't caused by any incident. It is there to fill a void.

Emotions are essential to the human experience. And when a void of emotion appears... hollow anger is often what fills it.

Because the world seems so full of it that a little more won't make a difference.

...right?