@whocaresany-more - Tumblr Blog

i hate not feeling like me. i hate feeling like someone else. i hate not being able to control my emotions. i hate being filled with rage and anger in .3 seconds. i hate not being able to do anything about it. why am i such a monster? why am i not normal? why can’t i just be normal. i hate myself.

another night fucking my back up sleeping on the couch because you don’t give a fuck about me..

i cried to you twice— nothing to say. didn’t bat an eye. didn’t look upset. nothing. emotionless. not here.

i am so ducking confused every single day because you want to play mind games .

when will i matter to you

when will i exist to you

i wish i could disappear. i don’t want to be here. or anywhere. i hate this feelin.g.

all i wanted was for you to say sorry for making me cry. sorry for staring at you while you bawled you’re eyes out!

but no. nothing.

bc i don’t matter.

i’m at a loss at this point... you lie and tell me you’re so happy.. but you post otherwise..

you ask me to be calm, and gentle, and sweet, and soft to you when something happens.. i am... and it’s still not good enough.

you’re so uninterested in me it’s hurting my heart.

no matter what i do, you’re just not happy with me..

my life continues to be the biggest joke of it all

a year ago today i left my wife and my home.

all to make everything better.

make her better, make me better, make our life together better.

and although i made many many mistakes, we made it work again & were happy. both still fixing ourselves.

and now today my wife leaves me, yet she’ll take the home.

funny how life works huh.

rather not be here in this type of life.

I am so incredibly proud of my wife.

She continues to push through, and stay, even when she doesn’t want too.

Even when this life tears her down, shes still here, she is so strong.

Even after everything, here she is, putting a smile on her face, working over 40 hours a week, and now doing school full time.. i just... it couldn’t be me. As much as i wish i had that much push and strength I don’t. But it’s amazing to watch.

She is my back bone. She keeps me afloat. She does so much for me and doesn’t realize it.

I am trying so hard to be the person she needs because that’s exactly what she deserves.

I wish life wasn’t so hard. I wish bad things didn’t happen. I wish mistakes weren’t made. But it is, they do happen.. But she takes it in strides..

I am just so proud to be able to call her my wife.. I am so lucky.

i just want you to come home.

i just want you to let me prove it to you.

i want to be in bed with you holding you. not tossing and turning not being able to sleep..

i don’t want this.

naturaekos

““she stuck a bookmark in my heart and walked away..””

—

why is it when your sad all animals love you. i think that’s a great thing about animals. no matter what they still love you. my bird finally stepped up on my arm and cuddled with me. he got so upset when i stopped he sat up, crest up & said “hey!” it was pretty cute.. he got his love so i went to play with the ferrets and for the very first time since we brought them home rocket just wanted to be held and pet. it was nice. it made me feel good. at least my animals can love me.

empty. numb. sad. confused. flowers wilting. head throbbing.

how can she say “i don’t want us to hate each other, you are the love of my life and i’ll love you forever” & then be so heartless towards me & hit me with the lowest blows.. i don’t understand..

after 5 years she’s giving up and throwing me away. our life. our animals. everything. it’s all gone. because she left. and she’s not coming back..

i’m so disgusted in the fact that you dangle everything above me. you say you would never kick me out but then tell me you never want to see me again and kick me out.

you’re cruel. you give up. you gave up on this. on us. on our life. you did.

i’m so broken and confused. my thoughts don’t make sense. i can’t piece anything together. how did this happen. when did this happen. when did we become this? it’s all ending. and i can’t think.

“i love you but you’re not good enough for me anymore. i need someone else”

so tired of someone claiming they love me then talking down on me degrading me making me feel worthless.

never enough. never was enough. never will be enough.

you tell me i make you feel better- you thank me for being sweet and what you need.& then you turn around and say how awful i am and never doing anything right. how all i do is hurt you. which one is it??? can’t have it both ways! can’t tell someome they’re amazing then turn around and wish them hell!! you don’t understand how exhausting and confusing this is. i’m so tired of you pretending to be happy just to turn around and say how sad you are.

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