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[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

The universe is calling.

Reaching out to me like a lost child.

Will I respond?

Will I fall into its sweet embrace?

Will I answer my own call?

Happiness feels like a breath away.

But I know I’ve got miles on these shoes before I find the path.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Life

The life lived long

Longing for a life lived

Lost lavish luster

Trade

Trade comfort for peace

Trade peace for money

Trade money for space

Life

The life lived long trading comfort for space

Is this what it’s like to sacrifice all for a career?

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

The return

And so I return. Unbroken and unyielding. The light of life shining through my eyes. New hopes, New beginnings, New lives and new tries. Isn't it funny how sometimes the heart lies? And tells you that the way you lied was but a cry? That distant times not so distant for months or years would pass and you'd find a love so dear you care no longer to crash? The way life lies. The way love plays tricks. It's funny to see the times of a past lover shed from you like the dead skin of an unhealthy sunburn. Fly, Icarus, fly.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Two largely life-governing quotes:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love."

-W. Shakespeare

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."

R.W. Emerson

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be

Now to know it my memory

Bon Iver

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

This my excavation and today is Qumran

Everything that happens is from now on

This is pouring rain

This is paralyzed

I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time

It's hard to find it when you knew it

When your money's gone

And you're drunk as hell

On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load

In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load

In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

Well I've been twisting to the sun and the moon

I needed to replace

The fountain in the front yard is rusted out

All my love was down

In a frozen ground

There's a black crow sitting across from me

His wiry legs are crossed

He is dangling my keys, he even fakes a toss

Whatever could it be

That has brought me to this loss?

On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load

In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load

In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me

Bon Iver

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Last post, permanently

This will be my final self-written post on this Tumblr, for reasons my own.

You cannot make people want. You cannot make people understand the way emotions change in age. That the youthful golden years display emotions that are unstable. That the less exciting versions of these emotions are both adult, and more conducive to long term happiness.

There’s no convincing anybody that adulthood is better than childhood. Because I agree, childhood was better. But we get caught in this thought process: “Love was better. Anger was better. Learning was better. Physique was better. Athleticism was better.” No, those things were more intense. Those things controlled us. I refuse not to have control of those facilities any longer.

No thing that was better in childhood led us to an understanding of the world and an appreciation for the arts, for the simple things that seem boring but have such depth and complexity that children cannot comprehend them. These are the things we all crave as adults, but to the exclusion of love? Was Monet exciting to a 13 year old? Fuck no. It was a piece of paper with paint. Now it’s a canvas with soul. Such is love with old age.

Bring on the boring, burn-free love. Somebody out there deserves me as much as I deserve them.

You know, my idol, Stevie Ray Vaughan, was not an intelligent man. But I believe he knew what he was talking about in some cases, and it was always based on real experiences he had. I’ll heed his warning, gladly, and live to smile another day:

“What about the price that will, oh surely be paid Those that gave up on love, love will have its day I ain't givin' up on love”

Above all else, understanding that self love is more important than any other love is imperative. Where people lose it is thinking the world requires one or the other. No, everything of meaning starts with self love.

Be safe on your journey, my dear. Life will only get sweeter, especially for one so perfect.

I release you.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

It’s like giving up is the new wave.

I won’t knock it, I’ve given up before.

Doesn’t mean that I haven’t seen beauty in my age in not giving up when I want to.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Circumstances considered, I’m just having an incredibly difficult day.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

I had a 5 page paper written out

And it was about, and for you. I’m having immense trouble coping, and no therapy session for more than a week. I’m having fears of collapsing before then under the weight of my work, and having to cope with this.

Sleep hasn’t gotten better. Life hasn’t gotten better. The irrational thoughts are only getting worse and gaining legitimacy.

I had a 5 page paper written out, about and for you. I was very close to texting it, but deleted the whole thing before hitting enter. I can’t imagine a life without you, but must live that reality. Why must love turn to ash? Only to have another in your arms? Only for me to have another in my arms? I want to come back. I want to come home. I want you to come home. I fucking hate this.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Skip a life completely, Stuff it in a cup.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

I should start a band

Called unhealthy coping mechanism

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

I am an insufferable asshole.

I can't wait to go to therapy.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

Oh, and I only blocked you on Instagram.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life."

Mary Manin Morrissey

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

The only lady I've seen at SXSW with a red dress is a pregnant woman. I'm proud to see such a powerful statement made by a woman being so natural.

[whocomesfromalanddownunder]

We persistently seek those that enrich our lives. Some people enrich us more than we enrich them. In these cases, we find that often the other person doesn’t feel enriched enough and moves on with their life.

This is normal. Do not be discouraged. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a kind and viable person. Though you may have felt that that person was the right one, there’s another one out there thinking even more highly of you.

Just because you love doesn’t mean you keep.

#wordvomit #remindingmyself