zelda @whoszeldaa - Tumblr Blog

mae n bea 🌙✨

My favourite slime in slime rancher :D

Today, March 14th, 8:22 pm

Work called like right before I was about to head out, and said I didn’t have to come in today (for a few reasons, one being it’s my spring break and i shouldn’t have to come in). Though this job has been challenging and emotionally taxing at times, I feel so appreciated there.

J and I had a date last night, which went so well. I’ve been sick for like a month, so it was nice to finally have a date night. Because he made my night (and this morning!) so special, I did my best for dinner tonight! Three cheese mac and cheese topped with parsley, and smashed roasted potatoes with rosemary. Paired with one of my recent favorite rosés, and I personally used the (fucking amazing) truffle hot sauce with my food.

This week I got to see basically everyone who had a good hand in raising me, and it again reminded me of how loved I am. I don’t use this term often, but I truly feel blessed to have the people in my life that I do. I feel like I’m turning into the best me that I can, and I really hope the me I turn out to be makes them proud. My parents still do everything they can to set me up for success and it shows. They both work so hard.

On top of finally getting to see my family, I got to see my old teacher, his wife, and their (almost 1 year old!!!) son!! They both played such an important role in my life, when I was going through and coming out of the worst periods of my adolescence. I am so happy for the life they’ve built and I loved getting to share the life I’m building for myself.

Anywayzzz. Back to school and work soon. I saved some dinner for my roommate (my wife).

Bye!!!

-z <3

#joshua punkhead #dinner #kitty #sappy…

racing against my phone battery to post this, eek!!

been feeling a looming sense of doom. i guess this isn’t a recent occurrence, because everything almost always feels doom-y all the fucking time, but it feels so odd this time. objectively, things are mostly positive right now. why do i yearn for so many aspects of the past?

i was lonely, suicidal, so deep in the pits of my mind that the only thing i could do was school (nothings changed there). everything was so gray yet so exploding with meaning. life didn’t have a purpose but the glowing humanity of the world around me made up for the meaninglessness of everything else. that horrible time was so addictive. my friendships meant so much to me, because there was no clear future i felt i had to love everyone in my life as hard as i could until i gave up.

now, things are so different. i’m so eager for the future i’ve started losing sight of the present… then i snap back in focus, and everything is… relatively fine, and i freaked out over basically nothing.

my heart begs for yearning, hopelessness, more unjust pain, or maybe just the specialness of my surroundings? don’t get me started on the lost friendships of the past couple years, or the fizzled out ones that are there but… barely. i want so badly to talk to those i’ve disavowed. but, their presence was so pivotal for me. i fear what would’ve happened to me without those i can no longer stand to be next to.

phone is at 2%, i have to stop now. i’m so uncomfortable being okay-ish.

bye <3

- z

#ramble #this isnt real im not real dont even WORRYYYYY ABOUT ITTTT #ya c:

Today, Thursday, February 27th, 2025:

I’m crazy, but like less than I was last year so… Ah! Life moves on. Very busy, so much to do and keep up with, but so many good opportunities. Very grateful for the people who understand me and stay with me regardless.

I’m visiting my family over spring break, and I’m so excited. I miss my parents, my siblings… all I want is to be able to take care of them all when everything is said and done. My motivation. I love my family!

Been working at the rehab, which has been good. It feels like there could be a place for me here. Maybe? I love everything I've learned here, the people I've met, the things I've seen. They're valuable. I want to know more, learn more, do more... but I feel like I may be reaching burn out. It's so hard to stay on top of homework, not being able to work is hard, money is hard. This is hard. I don't know, I'll figure it out. Sacrifices, right? I'll have time to be myself one day.

Can't help but feel like there's a looming doom. Like I'll slip back into a depressive episode and never leave the house, relapse again, fail out of school and give up on work... I'm trying to have faith that I won't do that.

Much to say today, I suppose!

Until next time.

#Mawe #cat #journal entry

Sunday, February 23rd, 2025:

Spotify subscription charge today, womp womp. Also, I bought Heaven Knows on CD. I’m so excited! My collection has grown so much recently. It’s so nice to have a way to keep my love for music alive.

I’ve been thinking about owning land and a home a lot recently. I’ve been watching this sweet man on youtube who has a beautiful garden, and a bunch of chickens. I want that! And I want bees! A greenhouse! A shed!

Sigh… Baby steps I suppose! One day. Thats my goal. Big boy job, beautiful garden, my own house with cat and my love, thats what I’m striving for! But for now, new apartment is fine by me.

I got a 92% on my recent addiction treatment exam, and my new CD arrives tomorrow! This will be a good week, I hope.

#Mawe #Soup #snow

February 18th, 2025 (~12:07 am)

trying to heal from what felt like a sickness of my mind, a complete takeover of my psyche; something so daunting i thought it was impossible. i thought of things i truly believed i had left in the past.

there were times i thought i was so incredibly selfish for thinking those things; my family, my siblings, my friends, how could i do that to them when i know what thats like?

but her, my perfect angel. stinky tuna breath, squeaky mouse meow, soft rumble purr, shiny silky fur and eyes so green they remind me of the grass on a sweet early summer morning. the sweet little baby the SPCA found in a dumpster, the last to leave the group cat room and slightly older than the most “desirable” adopting age.

i think deep down, i knew i could never let anyone leave her again. that meant i could never leave her. obviously i knew that in some way, because i’m still here. but i’m building a life for myself now- something i once thought ridiculous and pointless.

beautiful mary, sleepy stinky wewe, my baby angel. it will always be me and you. you saved me, and i love you.

-z

#kitty #mary

Friday, February 14th (part two):

Beautiful day. Thank you, universe! It felt like a dream. And for once, my dream wasn’t a nightmare.

I have so much work to do, both on myself and in work… school… but these two will always be my home.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

- zelda <3

#yap again

February 14th, 2025:

Lots of work recently. Very very busy!!! But life is good. Angel made Valentines morning so special (chocolate chip pancakes & veggie sausage w/ coffee!) so I’m determined to make tonight just as good!!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

#yap

Wednesday, February 5th:

Okay, so I dyed it black and red on a whim. I know! Red never comes out! But oh well, I used permanent black hair dye, so none of it is coming out. I think the change helped. (I will dearly miss the blonde, but she will come back next winter!)

Plus, red for Valentine’s Day. I’m determined to enjoy it this year.

I made stuffed shells for dinner. J made breakfast- it was honey oat milk coffee (with cinnamon sugar), toasted brioche bread topped with cream cheese and spinach, and a pretty omelette he made (paprika, dill, and cottage cheese) extra topped with more cottage cheese and sun dried tomatoes.

He’s been the anchor of my recovery. I’m so excited for Valentine’s Day!

#z recipes #j recipes #new hair!

Today:

Loving the blonde but remembering the black hair. Debating going back, but I was so miserable… I think I need more time. Maybe when all of the faded black (turned brown) grows out and gets cut off?

On a separate note, I don’t know what to make for dinner.

#freaking woke bullcrap #Spotify