a million dreams are keeping me awake

i need sleep.

[doucheboob]

I hate when people ask me why I drink so much water like damn bitch I’m tryin to drown myself what u think leave me alone

[leia-organa]

THE SCHUYLER SISTERS!

[blognotfound]

pls let this blow up like the other one

[nightbringer117]

This show’s writers were so god-tier they managed to condense a James Bond movie down to five minutes and fit one into every episode, and the running gags never got old.

[nicholasbritel]

Hamilton: A very serious musical

[caniholdurpaw]

no effing way dude, who broke this vase? who broke this vase? seriously guys, everyone who is here at my awesome party, this huge crowd of people (that’s definitely here right now) somebody broke my grandma’s vase and that was the last thing she gave to me before she died. I swear to all things football and/or skateboarding. I will find you. don’t make me cry these incredibly manly tears. anyone can speak up here and be a part of this scene. especially those of us who aren’t imagined and are actually here on the stage, like not the people who are imagined to be here through means of suspension of disbelief. very well, I shall continue searching for the culprit in the next room. stefanie, you wanna bake some cookies?

if you understand this i love you very much

[dankmemeuniversity]

[tutselutse]

Absolutely losing my shit over Lin liking this tweet by dana

[mexicanboy-deactivated20200810]

If Harry styles can brainwash millions of women into thinking he’s attractive then there’s hope for anyone💞

[hwrdak]

[toshio]

[subculturekiller]

midwests emos scare the shit out of me how the hell you grow up in a corn field and come out listening to mindless self indulgence what the fuck happened in that corn field

[mysharona1987]

[theforceawakens]

that’s it folks

[dumbbadgerdeactivated-deactivat]

🎃🍉🎃🍬🎃 Happy Summerween! 🎃🍉🎃🍬🎃

[pinball-mentality-deactivated20]

Urbosa: Princess Zelda, I’m having a child!

Zelda: that’s great, I didn’t realize you have a boyf—

Urbosa: [slams adoption papers down] it’s you, sign here, here, and here

[abortionado]

criminal minds episode

[suburban house in the dark]

Woman: hey I’m getting some wine okay honey

Man: okay

[spooky music]

[someone comes up behind the woman and slits her throat with a fork]

[powerpoint transitions between clips of the cast, theme song plays]

[picture of FBI Quantico labeled “FBI QUANTICO”]

[inside FBI Quantico]

Reid: did you know that prince removed one of his ribs to suck his own dick

Prentiss: DiD yOu Kn—shut up

Reid: okay sorry

JJ: hey everyone we’re starting. get in here

Everyone: [gets in there]

[sitting at the table]

Hotch: 😠

Reid: 🙂

Morgan: 🤨

Rossi: 🧐

JJ, showing a PowerPoint presentation of dead bodies: the UnSub is killing people with spoons. But now he has used a fork

Morgan: his MO changed…that means…

Rossi : we need to act fast. He’s getting sloppy

Reid: ☹️

Hotch: 😠 wheels up in 20

[everyone starts to leave]

Prentiss: hey wait Reid

Reid: what

Prentiss: do you want to talk about it

Reid: next time why don’t you just ask me if I want to gouge my eyes out with melon ballers because that’s how much I don’t want to talk about it. That’s how avoidant I am. God I wish I had a father [leaves]

[scene of plane flying]

Hotch, voiced over: “What would you do if you did not know how to what okay and. — The Bible”

[inside plane]

Reid: did you know—

Morgan: DiD yOu kNoW— shut up you little twink. You’re so gorgeous I just wanna rub my hands—

Reid: wh—

Hotch: let’s focus please

Garcia, appearing on the computer screen: hello all of you slimy little cum beasts

Rossi: 👁👄👁

Morgan: hey sexy

Hotch: 😠… what do you have for us

Garcia: I obtained a record of all forks bought in the past week

Hotch: great work. thank you

Morgan: god i just wanna fuck your brains out

Garcia: fill me with your mixed babies

Hotch: [disapproving glance]

Reid: 🤭

[meeting the local cops]

JJ: hey I’m agent jereau we spoke on the phone

Cop: oh hey sexy you didn’t tell me you had huge naturals and a slim thick ass when we talked on the phone hahaha let’s go inside we’ll get you set up

[several minutes of poking around at crime scenes]

Hotch: okay. Let’s present the profile

Morgan: are we ready for that

[zoom on Hotch’s face]

“No”

[black screen where there would have been commercials if you were watching this on CBS but it’s 2020 and you’re watching it on Netflix so there are no commercials so you’re forced to see your reflection and think about the fact that you’ve been watching Criminal Minds for six hours straight]

[in room with the cops]

Hotch: it’s a white male in his 30’s

Cop who is racist: you sure

Prentiss: hey shut the fuck up please. It’s a white male in his 30’s and his dick don’t work so he’s decided to kill everyone who looks the same as his mother because he blames her for his dick not working

[more poking around at the most recent crime scene]

Morgan, climbing up a tree or something in the yard: so I’m the unsub. Where can I see inside the windows without being seen

Prentiss: you look dumb as hell up there just so you know. You look like a fucking freak just so you know

Rossi, from inside the house: hey guys I think found something

[commercial break]

[emilyprentissisababe]

Okay but this is definitely missing two things.

[Morgan unnecessarily kicks down the door in a failed attempt prove just how heterosexual he is.]

AND

[JJ and Emily give each other lovey eyes and sit on tables every chance they can. Usually touching some part of the other giggling about how the writers assume they're straight.]

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

God i wish i had a father omg

[lil-koala]

“What would you do if you did not know how to what okay and. — The Bible” is going to be my new instagram bio.

[smoothcriminal-minds]

who needs 15 seasons of a show when this absolute masterpieces exists ?

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

Op I'm gonna need a part 2 after the commercial

[mythomagicannabeth]

lin-manuel miranda show lines that i relate to

“i never win shit”

“hey guys it’s me, the biggest disappointment you know”

“SIDDOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER”

“hamilton sit down”

“i can never be satisfied”

“a mess she looked pathetic”

“ive never seen this much money in my life”

“i disagree”

“actually, it said us navy”

“talk less” “im sorry what” “shut up, go home and pull your damn pants up”

[poeiraefemera]