Hhmmng Chipotel

Idk a shit posting blog? Non binary and dtf (down to fight) Actually please don’t fight me I might actually cry

[whyisablog]

Dear Mayor Chimmi of Changa on Animal Crossing New Leaf,

Isabelle was happy to see you. She always is, but seeing as the last time you played was... 9 years ago, this seemed significant to mention.

The campground has undergone a renovation, and I can now use MEOW coupons to buy things from the camp store and the CAT machine.

Along with some new initiatives, PomPom still hasnt had a chance to move in yet. So far it seems that you haven't done much with your town. In fact, Renée only just moved in. It's no surprise she wasn't sure who you were at first. Lolly and Cousteau, however, praised your return.

I guess it is kinda hard to keep up with Animal Crossing given it's day to day mechanic.

Poor Chow cried when he saw you again. Tiffany thinks it's good to see you.

Your tent is modest, to say the least. I hope you got more playtime out of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. From the state of the progress here, it seems that you may have gotten bored too quickly, or moved on to the Wii U, or the Switch, as soon as it came out. Which, I can't blame you.

Your cartridge is in good hands. I'll take good care of your villagers, as well. They'll make a permanent comeback if I end up starting over, or if I continue your save, as Chimmi of Changa, they'll take permanent residence in the VIP neighborhood.

Sincerely, your neighbor,

Marcy of Bean Team

Island Representative, ACNH

[whyisablog]

Dear Mayor Chimmi of Changa, ACNL

I hope you're still doing well.

Isabelle thinks you've been gone for 10 years, but as of May 31st, you've still only been gone 9. When I set the time on my 3DS, the game power vaulted me into the year after, so to them, it's been a much longer time. I'm glad I can give them some closure.

I've started to fill the museum finally, much to Blather's delight and dismay. Leif has moved in on Main Street, and the mayor finally has a house. (A tent for 10 years? No wonder the first scene back was on the train. Poor Chimmi couldn't handle sleeping on the ground every day.)

There are new faces on the island again, some who have really no clue that you've been gone, only that you've recently returned. And yet Isabelle is commemorating your 10th anniversary anyway.

(Is it for you, or for her? So long as she insists it's for you, I won't quibble. I'll send her something nice in the mail for working so hard all by herself.)

Animal Crossing is a deeply unserious game. However, I shall continue.

Best of luck to you, wherever you may be, write to me if you can.

Your friend,

Marcy of Bean Team

Island Representative, ACNH.

[crvwly]

i love writing. what do you mean the voices in my head know what the narrative is about before i do. who put those themes there??????

[whyisablog]

And what do you mean I, The AUTHOR, don't know what's going to happen next? I'm the one WRITING the damn thing! What do you mean all the words are random gibberish? I'm just reading it for the first time like all of you, there's no author, just a story.

What do you MEAN THOSE CHARACTERS SAID THOSE THINGS CAUSE I WROTE THEM. Apparently god abandoned his creations because he wasn't expecting the twist and got writers block for a few millenia. It's fine. It happens. BUT HOW AM I GONNA PUT MY NAME ON THAT WHEN I, THE AUTHOR, WAS JUST A READER ALL ALONG.

[whyisablog]

I'm not the writer at this point. I'm the editor. And HOO BOY do I have some things to say about this guy's prose.

[infectiouspiss]

grace fucking pissing rocky off statement

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[coffee-or-hot-cocoa]

i need all the help i can get for finals

[finnglas]

Hey so

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

This might be the real one, y’all.

[avhira]

I could use some luck

[m0uthbr3ather]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[skwinky]

I always need this on my blog.

[xopachi]

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

[tootsiebb]

Yes

[kamari3]

Happy Ten Years to the Bad Burrito Post

[deadaaabattery]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[whyisablog]

The final draft is just fanfiction of your first one.

Pray that it's polished by then.

[lilyblisslys]

me with the. When she. When her. When the she her me

[mollyjames]

[dailycatsblog]

[crvwly]

i love writing. what do you mean the voices in my head know what the narrative is about before i do. who put those themes there??????

[whyisablog]

And what do you mean I, The AUTHOR, don't know what's going to happen next? I'm the one WRITING the damn thing! What do you mean all the words are random gibberish? I'm just reading it for the first time like all of you, there's no author, just a story.

What do you MEAN THOSE CHARACTERS SAID THOSE THINGS CAUSE I WROTE THEM. Apparently god abandoned his creations because he wasn't expecting the twist and got writers block for a few millenia. It's fine. It happens. BUT HOW AM I GONNA PUT MY NAME ON THAT WHEN I, THE AUTHOR, WAS JUST A READER ALL ALONG.

[apatheticfluorescence]

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

[headspace-hotel]

Shakespeare is like this

[kaibaseto-official]

Prev please I beg of you why should we all have a burning appreciation for Vivaldi

[sturionic]

AHHAHA well I also got another message asking for the Vivaldi freakout so. y'all brought this on yourselves <3 <3

FIRST THING TO UNDERSTAND: Baroque music is really really fucking cool. You could see it as a reaction to more constrained medieval/renaissance music, which was often obsessive about certain musical rules. Baroque comes from the Portuguese barroco, "an irregularly-shaped pearl", and was actually used as a criticism meaning something very weird, dissonant, overly extravagant, etc. It's seen as very structured but is in fact a collection of big ol' "fuck yous" to the previous era of musical structure. SECOND THING TO UNDERSTAND: Vivaldi was really really fucking cool. He was nicknamed "The Red Priest" as a young spicey ginger, and for many years he was the violin maestro at a combo orphanage/music school for girls. He wrote a zillion works specifically for the girls to perform, coached them in music theory and instruments, and helped many of them launch esteemed careers abroad. Also the board of directors hated him and kept firing him and then realizing they needed him and bringing him back, for reasons completely lost to history, but probably related to his spiciness. THIRD THING TO UNDERSTAND: "The Four Seasons" is really really fucking cool. It's written to accompany four sonnets with super vivid imagery including sudden spring/summer storms ("Thunderstorms, those heralds of Spring, roar, casting their dark mantle over heaven!"), mad drunken revelry, the chase of hunting dogs, slipping on ice and eating shit, etc. When you hear it played properly it's very much not "this pretty song kinda reminds me of spring" but "oh wow I can hear dogs barking in the viola section, chirping birds in the violins, a summer storm wrecking the fuck out of my grain, and dangerously crackling ice!" FOURTH THING TO UNDERSTAND: "The Four Seasons" is rarely played in the spirit of its time. This is Mozart's fault. Well, not really, he didn't tell anyone to play it wrong. But he did give rise to a cult of strings players who play in a very "Mozartian" style - light, pretty, clean, effortless. And for some reason (ahem. some reason i won't go into as this is long enough), this playing style has become the predominant mode for The Four Seasons. Which makes it sound like light, pretty, clean, fancy music.

As we covered above, it is baroque music, so it is not any those things! It's weird and crunchy and extravagant, with musical affectations that would have been considered revolutionary at the time. If you're playing it in the baroque tradition you're also going to be adding your own ornamentations and expressions. Bringing your own weirdness is encouraged in baroque music.

Basically, it's a crime that everyone sees Four Seasons as "fancy music that plays in movies when rich people are onscreen" when it was written by The Red Priest Who Ran A Girls School For Orphans When That Was Very Much Not The Done Thing And Pissed Off the Board At Every Opportunity, and written during a musical period that history has classified specifically as a fuck-you to "pretty and clean and fancy."

For some real crunchy Four Seasons, I will always recommend Adrian Chandler & the Serenissima. BUCKLE UP TO GET YOUR SHIT WRECKED AND YOUR WHEAT CROPS MURDERED BY A SUMMER STORM!!

[manuciruja]

awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?

[manuciruja]

i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users

[smadsel]

would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.

[smadsel]

that’s not the whole flag, now is it

[manuciruja]

hey staff what the fuck

[villainessbian]

hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose

[gunsandfireandshit]

COME THE FUCK ON!

[monsterbutch]

this is one of my favorite reddit posts of all time

[formlessdemi]

God forbid Chippy do anything

[randomdeinonychus]

You absolutely must unmute this video.

[dreamycastaway]

The original pride flag and the sewing machine it was sewn on

[iwriterobots]

[whyisablog]

Just got mass tagged ON A TUMBLR POST by some dumbass that my account was flagged. VIA A TUMBLR POST. ON TUMBLR

If you get tagged, don't click the link. It's obviously not real. Tumblr would not make a whole seperate blog and make someone on staff tag a bunch of randoms just to what. Confirm your identity?

It's an identity theft scam. Obviously. Even though this is the "i'm not complying with this identity confirmation bullshit" website. Staff KNOWS that tumblr users will jump ship EN MASSE if they attempt any sort of identity verification.

Anyway. You know if you got tagged. It's not real. Block and report. Some people just really don't know their target audience.

[whyisablog]

Just discarded this sad poem i wrote about this guy i met maybe twice. I drew a picture of him. We held hands. He sang at me. It was nice. I don't have his number but I'm sure if we met again one more time we could be friends. I was just a familiar face in the crowd and he was putting on a performance. He was wearing a ring. I had other things to do that night.

I'm still too shy to go to bars by myself. And I still don't know how to draw cowboy hats.

[darkestbrook]

[yorgen-sh]