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[harharhxrley]

warningwarrens‌:

muchmorethanmachines‌:

If moving house has taught me anything - it’s that moving is awful and no one should ever subject themselves to it willingly. With that in mind, I’ve been especially lax with my drafts recently because - I AM MOVING BLOGS!! And have been setting that up instead.

Y’all can catch me over here on my brand new multi-muse. It’s got all my muses from here and various other fandoms. I am gonna probably take a break until the weekend and then start following people and looking at which threads will get moved over and what will be dropped. HOPEFULLY, I’ll get the bulk of this sorted before I go on holiday on the 9th so I can spend my holiday writing up replies. If we have a thread and I do not get to you by the end of this month, please come to poke me. 

If you want to preemptively get up on my new blog, please do. 

Not sure if anyone even follows this blog any more - but - this is where Anne is now. 

And Harley

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

So it can’t be that bad, because she’s joining in. Kylo lowers himself a little more, bit by bit, until he’s braced - elbows and knees - astride her. Pressed against her body, but still holding his weight. 

The kiss stops, only to leave his nose brushing against hers. “Do… you want to… I mean…” He very, very gently grinds against her, head tilted to watch her face. 

Him grinding against her causes another flare of need and pleasure tied down to reality by the slightest discomfort from the earlier parody of the position they’re now in. Her lashes flutter - and she tries to focus because - because she’s got to keep a level head. 

If she says yes, is she pushing too far? “I do...” She admits, carefully, because she does but... Is it too much to ask if he wants to? Because what if he doesn’t..? Or doesn’t know if..? “But, not if you... If you’re not ready..?”

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

I have no idea what I am doing, he thinks into her mind, refusing to utter those thoughts out loud. Instead, he turns his head to kiss at the side of her smile. 

It’s weird. He hadn’t - sort of - really - intended to do the things he’d threatened to do, but… also the thought of loss? Knowing he could lose one person he cared about… what if he lost her? How would he feel if he’d never - if - 

Frustration makes him bite at her lip, plucking it from her teeth, fingers clawing where they meet resistance. What if she had died?

‘I know...’ She thinks back to him - hoping her mental voice can... Can somehow envelop the statement in a warmth she can’t project in her voice. She knows and she doesn’t mind. She knows and she still wants to be here, under his black, looming mass... 

She rests her hands cautiously on his arms, still smiling as he dips down to kiss her - his sudden bite makes her squeak - more from surprise than pain because - well, yes - that is a sensitive spot but it’s not a bad pain it's a... A lot less than she’s used to.

It had been a long time since intimacy was... Uncomplicated. Her infrequent trysts had been- They were not something she wanted to think about now. She arches towards him to reduce the pull - lessen the pain, but keep the passion - sweeping her hands up his arms, across his broad shoulders and back into his hair. 

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

For all he’s a looming, glooming cloud of darkness… he lowers himself with bended elbows far too slowly, calmly, gently. His hair is in the way, so he has to put his weight on one hand to push it back… his nose rubbing against hers before he lightly presses their lips together. 

And then sort of. Just very, very lightly kisses, not sure yet that it’s still okay, waiting for confirmation before he goes further.

When he moves, she shuts up, convinced she’ll ruin it and waits - a line pulled so tight she’s worried she’ll snap. His nose brushing hers makes her release the breath she didn’t realise she was holding with a soft little noise of joy.

The gentlest, lightest of kisses that he gives her... It pulls the rug out from underneath her feet, to exposing a gaping chasm of want and need and something like love that she immediately attempts to conceal. Because him... Doing this... Going first..? It’s big. 

She tries not to push him too hard, but she’s the initiator, usually, having to curb herself and make sure she’s not doing anything that... Feels bad... Or - not bad but not good but maybe stop but maybe don’t because his uncertainty seems to paralyse them both. 

She grins at him - and it’s not quite a thousand watts - but it’s more genuine, softer, and garnished with the way her eyes light up as she swallows, and repeats herself. “Don’t stop.”

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks. He would. He would stop in a heartbeat. This is - this is important. This is - she is - 

“Tell me to stop, and I will.” But his throat swallows down the excess saliva, his hair tossed back slightly with a jerk of his head on his shoulders. Waiting. Unsure, on the brink, and… dangerous.

Her body pulses along with her heartbeat and she feels kind of... fuzzynumbpressuriedanxiousclear - as if there’s a storm about to break... And maybe... Maybe, looking at him, maybe there is? 

“Ssss-Stop?” A swallow - but dry. Her body thrums again like a string plucked - and she swears she can feel it from him too - the force, or just delusion? Is he doing something or is this weak and shivery anticipation just her..? A connection or a threat? Her breath hitches and she has to force her words out. “Don’t... Don’t stop. Don’t stop, Kylo, don’t-” 

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

He lets himself fall forwards - a momentary flash of panic that he doesn’t quite hide - his palms slapping onto the floor on either side of her face. His long limbs mean he’s not touching her, just… a giant, dark canopy.

“Are you afraid?” he asks, still ready to turn it into a cheap joke, a silly aside. 

His fall does startle her - and she jerks to scrabble away - before he’s trapped her with his hands, looming above her - just inches away. “Am I... Supposed to be?” She asks, but even if he wasn’t force sensitive, the slightly uneasy smile would betray her nervousness.

Not because she thinks he’ll hurt her (although... Maybe... Maybe he would) but because she’s unsure of what he’s doing... If he was playing, surely he’d have peeled away by now, turning his head to hide a smile - or assaulting her with tickling fingers - or... Something, beyond, his hovering.

She wipes the smile away, studying his face carefully, his dark eyes, the constellation of freckles and moles dusting his cheeks, the delicate curve of his pink lips, and back up to his eyes, holding her nerve, and his gaze, as steadily as possible. “Kylo?” She prompts, quietly.  

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“This–” he says, and shoves her onto her back, predatory and instant. On her back, where he moves to kneel astride her, above and not quite touching, waiting to see her reaction. Ready to laugh it off, if he has to. 

She’s wired - has he seen, felt something? Her smile is still ebbing away fro the corners of her mouth and at her core, she’s gone very still, although she’s turning her head to check... Is danger looming right behind her-? 

She lets out a yelp of surprise and her adrenalin spikes instantly - she whips her gaze back... But it’s only him - not quite pinning her and... Playful? (He’d be on her - hands... Or force powers, at her throat if this was murderous.) She grins up at him, studying, awaiting his next move, perhaps, or looking for a weakness in the thighs of the man now straddling her. 

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“…but you’re soup. And you’re immobile. As long as I don’t eat you, the most terrifying thing would be having to put you into the recyc…” 

His eyes narrow. Suddenly dangerous. Suddenly deadly. Suddenly… Dark.

She’s smiling at him, preparing a witty comeback - probably something about getting all over his hands or his pants maybe, when his mood changes dramatically - he sentence cuts off in the middle and his expression sours almost instantaneously. 

“Kylo..?” She asks hesitantly, eyeing him cautiously. “What’s up?” 

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“I’m afraid of no one, and no thing… except, perhaps, krayt dragons and ysalamir inter-breeding.” Yes, that would be scary. And may have been a subject of some nightmares over the years. 

He playfully wrestles with her wrists, not letting go. “You’re about as terrifying as two-day old soup.”

She lets out a gasp, still playing up the dramatic - and spurred on by him, wriggles back perhaps just a little bit more energetically. “I’ll have you now that two-day-old soup is no laughing matter... Beneath my veneer of wholesome goodness lies a stale flavour and a stomach bug that’ll knock you for six... And if you’re especially weak and feeble, might even take you off to meet your maker. 

After a seconds pause she adds, “Plus my vegetables have gone all mushy, and who wants that?”

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

The noise that comes from his not-inconsiderable nose is very undignified, and he moves to grab at her hands, his eyes flashing a warning that isn’t anger, but is not quite okay with that happening. 

“Somehow, my good Doctor, I don’t think tickling is the worst I have to prepare for, with you.” His large hands close around her wrists, holding them so they can’t reach him. 

She grins at him - her thousand watt one - eyes glittering before she struggles briefly, feebly against his hold - clearly not really trying - shooting him an overblown look of shock at his comment before finally lapsing into a pout at his behaviour - petulant and clearly playfully posing. 

“Y’ not scared of lil’ ol’ me, are ya Sugarplum? I’m telling you, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth!”  

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“You would prefer the floor? The table?” He’s being deliberately coy, knowing what she’s implying. After a moment of resisting, he lifts his head just enough to let her properly nuzzle at his throat, dropping his chin onto her head. 

I could probably shut you up in here if I really wanted to. But then - well - I might get lonely.

Were he not Kylo Ren - her slightly skittish and scared... Whatever he was, whatever they were... She’d have told him she’d prefer up against the wall, or perhaps the bed. But he was Kylo Ren, her slightly scared and skittish... Something. So she refrained, smiling instead, into his skin as he relents. 

And yes she did consider him skittish and scared, at least - at least when it came to that... Even if she wasn’t enough of a fool to tell him that. Especially given what she’d said a short while ago... That made her smile falter - he’d hardly believe she was fine to wait if she dragged it out every time they argued... But then again, she reasoned, he had been being especially cruel at the time.

‘I doubt it... I’m very loud... And you’d miss me far too much - plus who knows what insidious things I could be planning if you’re not watching..? Like... Tickling, for example...’ Her hands find the nape of his neck - the only part of his body exposed (and then, given his hair, barely) stroking delicate, light, sweeping patterns there with her fingertips - not tickling but certainly designed to make him tingle. 

[sithofren-blog]

wiinnowed

“Well one of us has got to.” She teased gently, returning his small smile with one of her own. He does temper her impulsivity slightly - if only because she can never get the drop on him.

“I mean - you could try but I can be very difficult. Petulant. Vexing. Irritating. Maybe you’ll just come to hate me instead.” For all her need to be loved, after all, she did seem to be a magnet for those who would mistreat her after all.

“Sew my mouth up? But there are much more fun ways to keep me quiet!” The flirtation, however, is not appropriate for two souls still in mourning - especially when one of them is quiet and uncomfortable with all things intimate anyway, so she drops it, to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’ll try to control my temper, I don’t want to damage you irreparably.” The jesting, perhaps, isn’t better, but it’s less sticky and messy.

“You’re honest,” he says. “Honest outside. Mostly. More so than other people are. And that’s… a refreshing change. If you haven’t noticed, I am not all that… patient, or calm, myself. It would be the height of hypocrisy to dislike that about you.”

Okay so he hated it more about himself than about her, but still.

“…I could invest in a gag, but I fear you would just chew through it,” is his reply. Which shows he’s feeling marginally better. “Or I could do…” and he snaps one hand closed, stifling the voice from her with the Force. A playful look, and he releases it before long. “…remember? I can keep you out of trouble better than anyone. I could just hang you up on the ceiling until you calmed down.”

[wiinnowed]

She doesn’t like it so much, despite the playful look, when he uses the Force to silence her. She doesn’t understand it, can’t use it herself so there’s no remuneration against it. It makes him special and powerful but that’s not what she likes about him. What she likes is the look he gives her as he does it.

His humour, carefully concealed under his layers.

“That’s cheating.” She tells him fondly when he stops, burying her face in his neck. ‘Besides, you can never shut me up in here.’ She thinks at him, nestling closer - as if she’s trying to burrow her way inside him, but gently, her wandering hands straying from his hair to his neck and shoulders. She nudges his jaw with her head, gently. “Does it have to be the ceiling?”

[sithofren-blog]

wiinnowed

Harley lets out a brief snort of laughter. He’s not wrong about that… Although… He is. There’s a mountain of misery and darkness behind her… But there’s also beauty and wonder their too.

His hand on hers pulls her back to him, and she smiles at him. “If you say so, Kylo.” She does not deserve better.

“I hurt people because I’m stupid. Because I never look before I leap. Because I think I know everything. Because I hate being told what to do. And at that point my intentions aren’t worth shit.”

She considers him for a while. “You’re the softest, sweetest, most sensitive monster I’ve ever met… Who knows… Maybe I’ll domesticate you yet.”

“You do act before you think… even more so than me,” he agrees, with a very faint smile. “And two overly-emotional, deeply… feeling people… either we will light the galaxy on fire, or go nova on each other in the attempt.”

The worst of the rage has passed, though he’s still radiating grief, and sorrow. “You could, perhaps, do with a little leashing back from your flights of fantasy. Though I’m sure you’d hate me… I could try to help.”

You know. If you want. “I don’t mind you lashing out at me if I’m keeping you safe. But if you tell anyone I am sweet, I will sew your mouth up.”

[wiinnowed]

“Well one of us has got to.” She teased gently, returning his small smile with one of her own. He does temper her impulsivity slightly - if only because she can never get the drop on him.

“I mean - you could try but I can be very difficult. Petulant. Vexing. Irritating. Maybe you’ll just come to hate me instead.” For all her need to be loved, after all, she did seem to be a magnet for those who would mistreat her after all.

“Sew my mouth up? But there are much more fun ways to keep me quiet!” The flirtation, however, is not appropriate for two souls still in mourning - especially when one of them is quiet and uncomfortable with all things intimate anyway, so she drops it, to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’ll try to control my temper, I don’t want to damage you irreparably.” The jesting, perhaps, isn’t better, but it’s less sticky and messy.

[sithofren-blog]

wiinnowed

“I…” It doesn’t feel great. It doesn’t feel good. But she doesn’t hate him for it. “No, I don’t hate you.” She says, diplomatically because - in this moment, she doesn’t. She hates what’s happened to him. She hates that he can’t tell - but she doesn’t hate him.

Would she come to hate him though? It’s hard to analyse her future feelings - not only because she doesn’t know what the future holds and because every scenario needs to be aborted before she can wound him with her wonderings because what she wants and what she thinks she deserves are two very separate things. For now it’s enough, for now she can handle it but what if one day… She needs more? What happens then?

Well… She knows what happens then. She’s a master of delusion. She’ll find any shred of affection and concoct a romance. She’s done it before… She’s done it with him… Maybe. He’s too confused to know what he feels and she needs to be liked, needs to be loved so maybe she’s just projecting onto him, seeing what she wants to see…

Maybe she’s made all this up - the tenuous friendship, the fragile, fledgling of their romance.She is crazy after all.

The hands in his hair still briefly as he talks about killing her, perhaps someday… She’s surprised, frankly, that he’s not been told to already… She’s an entanglement, after all. She doesn’t know what to say, so she says nothing and her hands return to their work.

But what do you say when someone tells you they might just kill you? You’re supposed to say goodbye, get your things and leave but Harley… She’s said she won’t and she won’t. She won’t. She won’t. She hopes she won’t. She hopes she will. His uncertainty bleeds into her.

“I already know what- who you are Kylo. And being here, instead of there, does change things in the long run-“ The Force back at his fingertips, the Supreme Leader back in his head… And the whole mess of everything dumped back onto his shoulders. “But… I promised to try… And it would be - impolite of me not to try.” She echos his words back to him.

“I can’t tell you that it will all be okay - that you’ll never hurt me, that you’ll never scare me, that I’ll never be angry at you… I don’t want to set you up for disappointment with false promises… But…” She feels bone tired - she doesn’t know how to help and that possibly is what she hates most of all. “I like the person I’m looking at Kylo… And I would rather be with you, risk and danger, death and all - than anywhere else I’ve been.”

“That says something very sad about where you’ve been until now,” he replies, after a brief pause. Another slow, painful breath that seems to seep around every last rib, before gusting noisily out. 

“You deserve… a lot better. But a lot better doesn’t seem to have turned up.” He lifts his gloved hand, puts it over hers. Strokes, just a little. 

“I don’t want to hurt you. Most of the time. Sometimes I want to hurt everyone, but… that’s just who I am. I… am a monster. On some level… I am. That’s… that’s why I hurt people.”

[wiinnowed]

Harley lets out a brief snort of laughter. He’s not wrong about that... Although... He is. There’s a mountain of misery and darkness behind her... But there’s also beauty and wonder their too.

His hand on hers pulls her back to him, and she smiles at him. “If you say so, Kylo.” She does not deserve better.

“I hurt people because I’m stupid. Because I never look before I leap. Because I think I know everything. Because I hate being told what to do. And at that point my intentions aren’t worth shit.”

She considers him for a while. “You’re the softest, sweetest, most sensitive monster I’ve ever met... Who knows... Maybe I’ll domesticate you yet.”

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“And would you… would you hate me if I tell you I don’t know?” he asks, his voice very quiet. “I don’t… I… things have been so… different for me, that…” A snorted, choked laugh. “I don’t even know how I understand what it is when you feel things about people.”

Case in point: “…I did murder one parent and hate and… not sure… about either of them… and I… did love him, but I still killed him. What if - what if one day…”

I don’t want to kill you. I don’t. But what’s to say I wouldn’t be made to? 

His hand lifts to his face, and he rubs it. “I… do. Want you to stay. But I am also… terrified. When you… when you see who I am, and–” I don’t like the person you are looking at.

“I…” It doesn’t feel great. It doesn’t feel good. But she doesn’t hate him for it. “No, I don’t hate you.” She says, diplomatically because - in this moment, she doesn’t. She hates what’s happened to him. She hates that he can’t tell - but she doesn’t hate him.

Would she come to hate him though? It’s hard to analyse her future feelings - not only because she doesn’t know what the future holds and because every scenario needs to be aborted before she can wound him with her wonderings because what she wants and what she thinks she deserves are two very separate things. For now it’s enough, for now she can handle it but what if one day… She needs more? What happens then?

Well… She knows what happens then. She’s a master of delusion. She’ll find any shred of affection and concoct a romance. She’s done it before… She’s done it with him… Maybe. He’s too confused to know what he feels and she needs to be liked, needs to be loved so maybe she’s just projecting onto him, seeing what she wants to see…

Maybe she’s made all this up - the tenuous friendship, the fragile, fledgling of their romance.She is crazy after all.

The hands in his hair still briefly as he talks about killing her, perhaps someday… She’s surprised, frankly, that he’s not been told to already… She’s an entanglement, after all. She doesn’t know what to say, so she says nothing and her hands return to their work.

But what do you say when someone tells you they might just kill you? You’re supposed to say goodbye, get your things and leave but Harley… She’s said she won’t and she won’t. She won’t. She won’t. She hopes she won’t. She hopes she will. His uncertainty bleeds into her.

“I already know what- who you are Kylo. And being here, instead of there, does change things in the long run-“ The Force back at his fingertips, the Supreme Leader back in his head… And the whole mess of everything dumped back onto his shoulders. “But… I promised to try… And it would be - impolite of me not to try.” She echos his words back to him.

“I can’t tell you that it will all be okay - that you’ll never hurt me, that you’ll never scare me, that I’ll never be angry at you… I don’t want to set you up for disappointment with false promises… But…” She feels bone tired - she doesn’t know how to help and that possibly is what she hates most of all. “I like the person I’m looking at Kylo… And I would rather be with you, risk and danger, death and all - than anywhere else I’ve been.”

[wiinnowed]

[wiinnowed]

sithofren:

“W-wish I… c-could,” he stammers, as he pushes his head into her shoulder, wordlessly seeking more of that comfort. He snuffles down the wetness in his nose, trying to hide in her smaller frame. 

“…I don’t… want to be another him to you. And… I’m worried it’s all I ever could be.”

As he pushes closer, she presses back, winding her arms around him, bringing their bodies flush once more, but with none of the violence from before. “I know, I know.” She comforts, stroking and petting his head. 

“It worries you - which is more than it ever did to him.” Her voice is even for now, even if her mood is not, taking a terminal dip with the taste of Him, talking about Him, on her tongue again. “He murdered our child-” And she stops herself for a second because the anger is turning her hands to claws - and it’s. Not. Kylo’s. Fault. (It’s hers.) And his head doesn’t deserve that. (His did though, and the sound, almost as if on a loop, helps, maybe, she’s not sure.) “And He did it to hurt and control me. He never loved me. He owned me. He only ever used me - I was a toy and no one was allowed to play with me but Him. And I was only ever fun when He was trying to break me.

Is that what you think of when you think of me? Did you make me? Do you own me? Or do you-?” Love me? Have feelings for me..? Confused, sticky, screaming, awful feelings? She can’t stop him hearing it - but she can stop herself from saying it. “Do you see... Something else?” A much more comfortable question, let’s not bring her insecurities into this.