On fandom, love, & reading
Hi friends. This is a new forum for me, and I’m not quite sure what my voice is going to sound like, so bear with me. If you’re annoyed with this post, and with me, I’m just going to have to go ahead and direct you to my friend @ivyblossom because she’s the one who asked me to write this. So please, have at her.
Before I say anything, though, because I’m not interested in smoke and mirrors or cloaks and daggers, I’ll tell you this: my name is Marie. I am 32 – no wait, shit – 33 years old. I am a librarian, and a medievalist, and a feminist, and the mother of a one-year-old, and a thousand other things. I am married to a lovely man, though am in possession of a sexual identity that fails to make itself clear even to me. None of this really matters, but the preamble makes it easier to begin to say anything at all. I have been a fangirl always, and in fandom for a while now – I’d say about 15 years – but I’ve always stayed out of the fray. I read, I commented, I admired, but never said anything outright, never tried to initiate a conversation. Now I’d like to have a conversation.
You guys, I am sad about fandom. This fandom. I am so disheartened watching the fallout from this past season of Sherlock. I am disheartened not because – or not only because – it is now clear that there was never an intention on behalf of the show to give us an explicitly queer Holmes. I am disheartened, and I am heartsick, because of the deep sadness I see in the fandom, and the in-fighting between those who are angry and those who are seeking something redemptive – or at the very least interesting! – in TFP. I didn’t hate the episode. I thought the plot was absurd and stupid and pretty abysmally written, but I didn’t hate the episode because I appreciate what it was trying – and for the most part, failing, I think – to do. But I’m not here to talk about that. I can, if I ever get up the nerve to post anything ever again. I have a lot of thoughts about how TFP moves Sherlock closer to canon Holmes, and toward Conan Doyle’s own characterization of his stories as romance – not romance as love story, but real romance as a literary genre consumed by history, and family, and identity – but that’s for another day.
Look, let me tell you: I am nothing if not a Johnlock shipper. This has nothing to do with whether or not I see these two characters together because I do, I do, I do. Nothing can or will change that for me. And yes, I believe that we are right to want and to expect better queer representation in the media. We are right to want and expect to be shown worlds that match the granular, non-binary, indefinable realities of our relationships. We are right to want and expect a queer Holmes. And I believe that Sherlock constitutes a huge missed opportunity to give us that – but I do not believe that that opportunity was missed last week. It was missed years ago, when it became clear that the show was consistently moving away from an explicitly gay reading of John and Sherlock’s relationship.
Okay, wait, I have to back up again – I’m sorry. Like I said, new at this. Back to fandom. Here is my fundamental understanding of what fandom is: fandom is a radical and radically queer set of reading practices. Radical in that it prizes the means of production from the hands of the author and puts them in the hands of the reader; radical in that it allows for us to blur the lines between personal and communal; radical in that it demands such profound intimacy between its adherents. It is this last that has always been the most important to me, and is to my mind the beating heart of fandom and its ability to heal (how many of us have said or heard “fandom saved my life”?). In short: fandom is communal reading as an act of love.
This is what I really want to talk about: reading and love. I’m not sure I have more than a sentence or two to say, actually. Maybe a question. Look, I am not in the business of telling people that they are doing fandom wrong. I’m not sure that there is a way to do it wrong. But watching the tortuous and protracted reading of real world events during and following season 4, all the energy that has been expended collecting hints and clues potentially dropped for us by the writers and the showrunners – will there be a fourth episode?; why are there so many obvious plot holes?; does Piccadilly Circus have a message for us? – is not a version of fandom I fully recognize. All these breadcrumbs people are so painstakingly gathering are, I think, leading back to the wrong text.Â
There is a whole beautiful, messy, deliciously flawed narrative laid bare for us now, and it is ours, fully ours. All our energy could go into reading and re-reading these stories, thinking deeply about them, taking them up and playing with them, or better yet creating new and better versions of them. So why are so many of us trying to tell ourselves stories about Moffat and Gatiss rather than John and Sherlock?