sitting on my blog’s porch with a cigarette and a shotgun

if i look back, i am lost
Game of Thrones Daily

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ellievsbear
The Stonewall Inn
cherry valley forever
$LAYYYTER

pixel skylines
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

★
h

titsay
noise dept.
Show & Tell

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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Xuebing Du
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@wild-neko
sitting on my blog’s porch with a cigarette and a shotgun
you can tell a person is in a dark place when tumblr means a lot to them
yes teenage girls can be dramatic and wild but honestly have u ever even seen what happens when u tell a grown man ‘no’
I started a new medication four days ago. It dramatically improved symptoms within 24 hours.
I just hyper focused on a project for a few hours for the first time in almost two years.
And yesterday, I realized partway through a client session that I was clear-headed, not fighting through brain fog, and was able to hold the client’s whole history in my head while working with them. I haven’t been able to do that in … I don’t know how long. Years.
I haven’t had brain fog for the past three days. I haven’t had a migraine for the last two days. I haven’t had to take a triptan / migraine rescue med all week.
My face is noticeably, dramatically less puffy with inflammation. My ears haven’t turned bright red with vascular pressure in three days, when that has been a near-daily occurrence since late 2021.
I can think. My mind is moving fast like it used to instead of sluggishly churning. I haven’t lost words partway through a sentence in three days. I’ve been able to access words reliably instead of groping for super common language and failing to find it.
My joints don’t hurt nearly as much, and don’t feel nearly so “floppy”/“loose”. A few days ago, my physical therapist confirmed that the inflammation around my joints is remarkably reduced, less swollen to the touch. My head isn’t hot to the touch. I slept on my side for a little bit last night and it didn’t immediately mess up my neck. The tinnitus isn’t quite gone, but it’s definitely less intense.
I had given up on ever being my old self or having my brain back. This is… this is wildly hopeful.
I started on 2.5mg zepbound. (I wanted vials to microdose with, buuuut insurance only covered the 2.5mg auto injectors. Hopefully this is tolerable. If the side effects are too much, I’ll resort to paying out of pocket for vials.) I was already frighteningly, intimidatingly hopeful about it before starting it, from the research papers and case studies and personal stories I’d read.
Here’s the paper that started me down this rabbit hole: Utility of glucagon-like-peptide-1-receptor agonists in mast cell activation syndrome.
“Among 47 cases (mean age 39, range 15–71, 89 % female), 89 % demonstrated clinical benefit with GLP-1RAs for a broad range of problems associated with MCAS.”
Some more resources:
Two week update…! I tallied up my migraine days / severities / etc over the past 6 weeks.
The 1 month before starting tirzepatide:
4 severe migraine days
9 moderate migraine days
14 mild migraine days
3 migraine free days
The past two weeks on tirzepatide:
1 moderate migraine days (had the migraine before taking the first shot so this might not count)
6 mild migraine days (concentrated around the couple days before the next dose, and/or the couple days before my menstrual cycle began)
7 migraine free days
All while maintaining a fairly stable weight. (Been hyper-vigilant about getting enough protein and hydration as neglecting those are the biggest pitfalls people fall into with this medication.) Actively trying to maintain a stable weight for now just to make sure I can manage caloric needs on this med; I dont want to lose muscle, that would be bad on so many levels.
And my neck was pretty badly misaligned for a good portion of the last week, which historically would mean severe migraine time… but instead I just had the neck discomfort without hardly any migraine. And minimal fluid backup/inflammation. (Confirmed by my physical therapist who was very surprised by how bad my neck was yet how low my pressure/inflammation was.)
But also my joints are more stable overall, and go back into place easier, and stay there for longer once they’re where they should be. Everything is less wobbly since there isn’t so much swelling. AndI mean everything - neck, wrists, fingers, hips, knees, ankles.
Haven’t noticed any worsening in POTS symptoms either. Haven’t noticed POTS symptoms at all, now that I think about it. Haven’t been tracking those like I’ve been tracking inflammatory symptoms / migraine / mast cell stuff though.
Also I haven’t taken an antihistamine in two weeks??? and barely taken any anti-inflammatories / NSAIDs, and only one dose a day when I do take an NSAID???? I was taking waaay too many NSAID’s prior to this just to function. (and in the past few months I started feeling fairly prompt, sharp negative reactions to NSAID’s - cramping and abdominal pain - so I knew the 15+ years of 600-800mg ibuprofen, sometimes multiple times a day, was finally catching up to me and something needed to change.)
My body feels better. I feel better in my body. My brain feels better, I don’t feel like I’m walking with a concussion all the time. I haven’t lost words partway through a sentence in 2 weeks. I’m in less pain.
My mood has improved. I’m down to my pre-quarantine summer dose of my antidepressants do the first time since 2020 (and realizing I may have been using the higher dose to brute force my way through the cranial pressure brain fog). There’s bit of extra somatic anxiety, but I’m not sure if that’s situational/environmental/related to deadline stresses, or if it’s chemical. Will have more clarity on that in a week or so.)
Oh and the digestive side effects have improved dramatically. Whew. That’s the one I was most nervous about. I can tolerate a lot of side effects if it means I get to be *me* again, but my understanding is that certain severe levels of slowed gut motility are as debilitating and life-interfering as the kind of migraine stuff I was dealing with. I’d rather not just trade one problem for another of equal severity. But it’s looking like I’m gonna be okay on that front. (Keeping fingers crossed but overall relieved there.)
The 3 inches (7.6 cm) of fluid/inflammation/?? that disappeared from my waist after the first few days has not returned. Hasn’t gone down any further, so I suspect that was the amount of pure… puffiness/inflammation/fluid-retention I was dealing with. Was briefly worried it was fluid loss from digestive issues but the measurement hasn’t changed after my digestive stuff improved. And I have been hydrating sooo much. So that’s fascinating and a bit wild.
1 month update:
0 severe migraine days
3-4 moderate migraine days (1 was the day of the first shot, beginning before taking the first shot, so I don’t know if it counts) - usually in the day before taking next dose, or the day before menstrual cycle began. Or in one case, the day after eating multiple migraine trigger foods as an experiment.
11 mild migraine days
14 migraine-free days
As a comparison point, the 30 days before beginning tirzepatide, I had:
4 severe migraine days
9 moderate migraine days
14 mild migraine days
3 migraine-free days
My controversial opinion is that I think chronically ill people should be able to fight one doctor a year
Anne Sexton, from a poem titled "Loving The Killer," featured in The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton
trust that everything will fall into place without you forcing it there.
me any time I buy one (1) coffee as a treat
my mast cells when lentils 👹🔪 vs red kidney beans 🥰💖
Bad
who’s out here sending minimalist anon hate
daisy edgar-jones shot by szilveszter mako
ready for what the next week brings...