Fighter

Willa Cartright | 24 | Police Officer

[willacartright-blog]

Opening his mouth to respond, but not finding any words, Logan let it snap shut again. What do you say to that? How was he supposed to tell her that he wasn’t in love with her? Wasn’t he? He didn’t know how he felt anymore. All this thinking and talking about the subject had only managed to confuse him even more. There was no possible response to soothe the female or make her feel any better. Willa had put her heart on the line for him and all he could do was stand there dumbfounded, stumped for words. What she said about his parents would have made sense to anybody else, arguably because it was true, but not to Logan. He saw it as a frontal attack. “I don’t blame my problems on them, but watching their marriage completely fall apart did help to shape my opinion on relationships. I can’t fucking help that. Being in a relationship terrifies me,” he admitted, eyes darting to the ground in shame. It wasn’t like him to be so honest about this. “Maybe I am the one fucking this up, but I won’t agree to give this a shot if it’s going to end. I can’t risk our friendship, and everything we have, on the chance that it might work. I won’t do it. I cannot. I will not.”

The direction the conversation was heading in quickly turned Logan’s rage into misery. Tears were forming in the brims of his eyes. He hardly ever cried. And that wasn’t because he had some thing about not showing weakness, it was just that nothing ever made him that upset. Besides the other night when Willa had told him her secret, the boy hadn’t cried since Elementary School. “W- What does that mean for us?” he asked, trying to clear his throat and compose himself. It wasn’t working. He was losing grip. They were losing each other. Everything seemed to be slipping from his fingertips. “Don’t give me this ultimatum. Don’t make me make this choice. Please, Will.” Words were falling carelessly from his lips; he was rambling, he couldn’t help it, the boy was caught in absolute desperation. Once the phone call had ended, another knife had been launched into his back. So she was leaving him after all. This was the big promotion she’d wanted for so long… but not in San Fran. She’d be moving across the country. Logan couldn’t breathe if his air was at the other side of the fucking country. He wanted to grab her, tell her that she was being stupid and of course she couldn’t take the job and leave him. But it wasn’t his place to decide whether or not she took her dream job. It was hers. He’d robbed her of so much happiness, he wouldn’t take this from her too. “Will it make you happy?” Logan finally asked, bloodshot eyes glancing up at her. He bit down on his lip to stop it from quivering as much as his voice currently was. “Is this really what you want?”

Willa shook her head. She knew it was a low blow bringing up his parents, but that didn’t mean she was wrong. She felt for him, she really did. She was there when his parents were going through their divorce and she saw how much it hurt him, but she also didn’t get how he could also grow up seeing her parents who are still happy and in love, and not believe that some relationships do work out. “ Not everyone is your parents Logan! Not every relationship is doomed to fail.” Willa bit her lip “ Is it being in a relationship that terrifies you or is it being in a relationship with me? Because you seem to have no problem being in a relationship with Carla!” Willa was sick of this she just wanted him to admit that the reason he doesn’t want to be with her is simply because he doesn’t love her, and not blame it on his parents or anyone else. She saw how he was with Carla and he didn’t seem terrified to be in a relationship with her. He seemed happy with her. 

Willa was trying to ignore all things he was saying while on the phone, she didn’t want to give him an ultimatum and now she didn’t have to. Willa realized something in that moment. Yes she wanted Logan to fight for to stay to tell her in that moment that he really does love her and not to go, but then she remembered how happy he seemed to be with Carla and how unhappy Willa was making him right now. She doesn’t want to be the reason for his unhappiness. She knows now that to insure the happiness of her best friend is to leave and let him be with Carla, because his happiness is more important that her own, so she lied to Logan. “ Yes.” she said her voice quivering “ Yes this will make me happy and yes taking this job is really what I want.” She took a breath, maybe this would be good for her she didn’t really realize until now just how much she counted on Logan and how much she actually needed him and she doesn’t want to need him anymore. Maybe this will give her a chance to figure out who she is without him. Willa looked away from him not daring to make eye contact. “ I should probably start packing and making arrangements.”

[willacartright-blog]

The atmosphere between them was tense and it cut inside Logan deep. This had really changed them. Their whole dynamic was gone, in the past, au revoir – this is why he never wanted to jeopardize their friendship. The two people that they were yesterday weren’t who was stood here now. “Hey, hey,” he moved over to her, reaching out his hands to clench hers instinctively. “Don’t you ever say that, okay? You know I love you. No, you know I do. You’re the only person in the entire world that I trust inside and out, you are literally a i r for me, Willa,” his expression had morphed into a deep frown, offended that she didn’t think he felt something for her. “I can’t live without you. And the whole reason I never let myself feel anything more for you was for this exact reason. Love fucks everything up, you know that. I mean, look at my parents. You know they were best friends for years before they got together.” Again it seemed Logan was resorting to his usual defense for not getting involved with people. He honestly didn’t believe that love could last, or that it was worth losing the one person whom you loved the most on this planet.

When she mentioned Carla, his heart must have plummeted down to the bottom of his stomach, for he suddenly became sick with guilt. “I’m sorry,” Logan admitted, his tone honest and calm. “I’m sorry, I was trying to protect our friendship…” the words that next fell from his lips felt like lies he’d been rehearsing all night. He wasn’t trying to protect himself or their friendship. He ran because he was terrified. There was a remote possibility in his head, that Logan knew of, that indicated he loved Willa much more than as a friend. But he was denying it, pushing it away, restraining it. He couldn’t tell her that, he couldn’t risk what they had to try and be together because it would not work out. So Logan would rather have her as a friend than not at all. He realised he was still grasping her hands, so he let go and looked up at her. “The truth is that I don’t want to lose you.” Lifting his arms in surrender, he offered her the only truth that he knew was real. “I don’t want to lose you.” His eyes appeared to be softer, more round, communicating his complete vulnerability. “So what do we do?”

Willa flinched when he grabbed her hands. She didn’t want to be this close to him. At least when they were farther apart he couldn’t see the emotion on her face but now that he was up close, her pain would become visible. Even though he said the words I love you she knew they didn’t mean what she wanted them to mean. Willa couldn’t look him in the eyes as she spoke “ But you’re not in love me.” Willa wanted to pull her hands away, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. At this moment she was so weak and she hated herself for that. Willa shook her head, she knew Logan had problems with his parents, but they always seem to be his excuse for everything and Willa was sick of it. “ Not everyone is your parents Logan! “ she cried “ You have to stop using them to blame your problems on! Love isn’t what fucks everything up! People fuck everything up! If you are in love with me and i’m in love with you, but you’re too afraid to say it then you are the one fucking things up!” 

Willa shook her head at his apology “ You shouldn’t have to apologize, I should be happy for you that you found someone you like, but I can’t help the way I feel about you.”  When Logan let go of Willas hand she felt like a weight had just crashed down on her, it didn’t feel like he was just dropping her hand, it felt like the end of their friendship. Tears formed in Willas eyes when she heard he didn’t want to loose, and she didn’t want to loose him either. The thought of loosing Logan made Willa feel like she couldn’t breath. “ I don’t want to loose you  Logan, but just being your friend and watching you date someone else is something I also can’t do. And I know that is selfish, but seeing you with someone else brings out a side of myself I hate, you saw it last night.” Willa didn’t know how to answer his next question. She was just as lost about to do as he was, she was just about to give him an answer when her phone rang. Willa silently gave a sigh of relief and answered. “ Hello?” it was her captain “ Oh, Hello Sir.” Willa listened intently as her captain offered her the promotion she had been working for since joining the police force, the only problem is the job is for the San Francisco PD. “ Thank you captain.” Willa replied then hung up. She looked up at Logan. “ You don’t have to worry Logan, because i’m leaving.” She said, staying as stiff as a stone. “ I just got offered the promotion to detective for San Francisco’s Special Victims Unit. I leave  soon. So looks like you dodged a bullet, now you can just focus on your relationship with Carla and do us both a favor and forget about me.” Willa didn’t really mean that. She just wanted to see if Logan would fight for her. She bit her lip in anticipation.

[clarklogan]

    Waking up with a throbbing head wasn’t the way Logan wanted to start his morning, especially this morning. Last night had gone horrendously. After losing his best friend because he’d been a complete asshole about the situation, Logan had gone inside to find the two sat with confused expressions. He told Rick to go out and look after her (because he couldn’t) and he drove Carla home in silence. But when they arrived at her apartment he told her what had happened, expressing his complete bewilderment at the situation and she had kissed him, informing him that it was okay. Whatever was going on, she was prepared to wait and still be with him. As if Logan needed another thing to be confused about. His friend was completely understanding about crashing and told him to stay for as long as he needed, but what would be worse than what he’d done last night would be to leave Willa hanging.

He decided to walk to their apartment to get some air. Logan had no idea what he was going to say to Willa. He didn’t want to lose her, but he didn’t love her like that. He was almost certain that everything had been platonic between them both. Feelings complicated things and he hated it when there was a situation he couldn’t sort out by clicking a button or switching around medical equipment. This was a situation in which Logan felt completely out of his depth, but he had to sort it out somehow. Routine meant that he actually walked into the apartment unannounced, which he blushed for, and called out her name awkwardly. He felt as though he was walking into Willa’s apartment, not the one that they shared together. Seeing her appear from the bedroom crushed his insides; he almost turned around and left right then and there. But some inner strength the male found (that he’d lost sight of last night) forced him to stand there in the doorway and face up to the problem. Logan couldn’t look away from her. Guilt riddled his entire body. “Hi,” he finally greeted, clearing his throat. “Uh, I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked. Force of habit.” a small, nervous smile pulled at his lips, but it didn’t last long. “We need to talk, don’t we?” It was phrased as a question because it was usually Willa who made all the important decisions for them, she was the one that always knew what was right. He still needed her to guide him through this, as he did with everything else in his life.

[willacartright-blog]

Willa awoke when she heard the door open then close. Her heart started racing, she was not ready to face Logan. She had made a complete mess of everything and she felt like a fool. She was also furious at Logan, he had broken her heart. Willas hand was throbbing and the bandage she had on was soaked in blood. She heard Logan call her name and she groaned. She got out of bed and looked in the mirror. Unsurprisingly she looked like a mess, she ran a brush through her hair, but it didn’t help. She sighed and changed the bandage on her hand, noting that she should probably get it looked at, then she took a deep breath and walked out of her bedroom.

Willa kept herself at a distance. She looked up at him. “ It’s fine, it’s your home too.” she said awkwardly. Willa sighed and closed her eyes. She really didn’t want to talk about what happened. “Talk about what? How you don’t love me back? How I’m a complete idiot and made a fool of myself” she said crossing her arms. “ About how after I told you, what I told you, you went back to Carla!” she said raising her voice. “ I’d rather not talk about any of it. I’m a fucking idiot for ever thinking you or anybody could love me. Just forget I said anything Logan, because its clear you don’t feel the same away about me and I really don’t need to hear you say that.”

[willacartright-blog]

The bombshell had been dropped, and in a matter of seconds, it had obliterated their entire lifetime of friendship. Willa was in love with Logan? Since when? For how long? How had this happened? Why had this happened? They were best friends; they had been best friends since the beginning of time, and now she was in love with him? The L word shot a venomous fear into his veins, causing him to internally shudder. How had he not seen this coming? Was he completely, utterly blind? Had it even been that obvious? Had he missed all of the signs? Thinking back over the past month, since Willa had begun to act strange, loose ends began to knot together as the truth became more and more apparent in Logan’s mind. Back when he first told her about Carla she was snappy and rude because she was jealous. And the reason behind all the snide comments, all the competition, all the lies and fabrication wasn’t because Willa didn’t like Carla, she was just trying to deal with how she felt about him. She didn’t want him to be with Carla, she wanted him to be with her. Willa was in love with him. Of course that was the last thing that Logan had expected her to say when choosing to confront her, but now it all made sense. It all made sense and the world started to spin, dislodging his balance from under his feet. Everything was falling apart because what did this mean for them now?

Logan didn’t love Willa. Yes, he may have loved her with his entire body and soul, and maybe being around her made him happier than anything else in his life did, but that was purely platonic. Wasn’t it? Of course it was. He loved her because she was his best friend, his other half. That didn’t mean that they were meant to be a couple. Oh, but he had loved her, in the past. When Logan was younger he used to have a huge crush on Willa, and would have done anything for her to have turned around and said this then. But now – he had just met Carla, whom he honestly did like, and they were just friends. This wasn’t them.

Completely dumbfounded, his expression was riddled with a mixture of bewilderment and pain. What was he supposed to say? His beautiful, wonderful best friend was crying in front of him, having just confessed the most volatile and destructive secret for their relationship. And Logan simply stood there, composed and inexpressibly devastated. “I – I –” he cleared his throat, words weren’t coming out of his mouth. He couldn’t fathom what he wanted to say to her. “Look, uh, I think tensions are running pretty high tonight because it’s been so stressful, maybe we should talk about this in the morning.” Logan’s eyes had diverted to the floor, or anywhere, anywhere away from her. He couldn’t see how broken she was, it would k i l l him. “I, uh, I’ll stay at Ben’s tonight. You go back to the apartment and I’ll drop by tomorrow and we’ll… talk.” His brows were furrowed, scowling at the ground as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’ll go back and tell them you’ve gone home. I’ll sort it out, so you don’t need to worry about that. I, uh,” the male glanced around. Tears were forming in his eyes as the reality smacked him in the face – how could they ever be friends again after this? His voice cracked as he shook his head, “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this.” Then, Logan turned on his heels and walked back to the restaurant, not daring to look back for fear that he’d change his mind. More than anything, the male wanted to stop himself, apologise, wrap her into his arms and forget what she had just said, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t turn around. Who am I? I’m Logan, he responded to Willa internally, and I’m a fucking coward.

Willa had felt like a knife had been stabbed through her heart, not because of what he was saying, but because of what he wasn’t saying. It was clear he didn’t feel the same way about her and that hurt like hell. If her best friend couldn’t love her, the person who knows her more than she knows herself, then who could. She was damaged goods, unlovable. It had only taken her a few minutes to destroy a life long friendship. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. She just looked at the ground in silence as he spoke. She did her best to keep her crying under control, she didn’t want him to see how much this hurt her.  She watched as he turned and walked away from her, back into the restuarant, back to Carla.

When he was finally out of sight Willa broke down crying. She put her hand over her mouth trying to quiet the sobs. She closed her eyes and stood alone in front of the restuarant bawling her eyes out. Willa was crying so hard she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her knees went weak and she almost fell to the ground when she felt someone catch her. She opened her eyes hoping it was Logan, but it was just her friend Jim who was pretending to be Rick. He helped her too the car and drove her home. He said he would cancel his plans tonight and stay with her, but Willa told him she just wanted to be alone. 

Now alone in her home Willa fell to the ground, her back against the door. She pulled her knees in and continued to cry. Why did she have to be such an idiot, why couldn’t she just push her feelings down and let Logan be happy with Carla. She stood up and walked into her room closing the door. She noticed a couple pictures of her an Logan around her room. Willa didn’t know what came over her, but she picked up the frames one by one and threw them as hard as she could against her wall, glass flew everywhere. She sat in the middle of the mess and cried some more. No wonder Logan didn’t love her, she’s a mess, a fucking complicated mess, she couldn’t blame him for choosing Carla over her. 

Willa calmed down a bit and stared cleaning up the glass. She didn’t want Logan to see how much this got to her. As she was picking up the final big piece of glass, she accidentally  cut her hand on it. It was deep and bleeding, but Willa barely felt the pain. She walked into the bathroom and washed it off then wrapped some bandages around it. The pain in her hand was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She continued to clean up he mess, and threw the photos, now without a frame into a box in her closet. As much as she wanted to she couldn’t bring herself to throw them away permanently. She then crawled in bed, still in her clothes, and cried until she drifted off to sleep.

[willacartright-blog]

The blood in his veins was literally bubbling, threatening to boil over at any minute. First of all, she was lying. Logan would never bring a girl back whilst she was in the other room. Even if he did, accidentally, Willa would definitely have something to say about it and not just put her headphones in and ignore it. Second of all, what girls did he bring back to the apartment? It was rare that he ever asked out a girl, never mind bring them back. The times that he had done so in the past were instances in which she was out. So why would she make something like that up? The male had never felt so angry. Or maybe he had once, when she broke his laptop and he almost throttled her. But even that was nothing compared to this. “Oh, right, of course that’s what I do. I do that all the time, right?” Logan had raised his tone, sarcasm drenching his words. It was obvious that the two were in an argument now. Several people on neighbouring tables had turned their heads to look.

It was the last comment, the word jealous that cut the atmosphere like a knife. And it was thrown straight into his back. Willa had gone too far now. Carla was horrified, though Rick seemed oddly amused by the whole situation, and more customers were turning to stare. Standing up, Logan gestured towards the door. “Outside. Now.” It was strange having him order her around for once. It was as if their roles had been reversed. This whole situation was fucked up, it was no surprise that they’d both turned into different people. When they were safely outside, where nobody could hear them, Logan blew his top. “What the fuck was that? Did you come out tonight with the set agenda of ruining my date? Because you succeeded, so I hope you’re fucking happy, Will.” He was shaking his head, hands balling into fists. “I’m going to give you five seconds to explain it to me before I walk away. Explain!” His voice was almost beginning to shake with rage, as though his anger was spreading and infecting all parts of his body. This feeling was something that he wasn’t used to. Nobody had ever made him as angry as Willa had. And she was supposed to be his best friend. Releasing a sigh, he tried to calm his breathing, his tone became softer, expressing a much more disappointed sentiment. “You’re supposed to be my best friend but you acted like my worst enemy tonight. You insulted me, you insulted my date, you lied about me… All for what? Jealousy, what? What possible reason could Willa Cartwright have for wanting to hurt me?” Logan’s eyes sincerely met hers, searching desperately for answers in their uncharted blue waters. “Who are you?”

Willa bit her lip, she knew she should not have said what she said, she just really didn’t want Carla and Logan to be together. Willa knew Logan was angry, she could tell from his body language. She could also see the people around them were starting to stare, which made her feel a bit insecure, but she knew it was her fault, and if she could start this night over again she would.

Willa was a bit shocked when Logan ordered her outside. He had never ordered her to do anything before, in fact she was usually the demanding on with him. she didn’t know what came over her but she stood up, not wanting to draw anymore attention to their table. “ Nice to meet you.” she said to Carla as she followed Logan outside. She was about to say something, but he cut her off. Willa just stood there silently with her arms crossed unable to look at him. She bit the inside of her cheek trying to keep herself from crying, but it was no use, a few tears started streaming down her cheek. She was going to apologize and just say she was having a rough day, but she was impulsive and before she could stop herself she told Logan the one thing she didn’t want to. “ I love you, you idiot!” she yelled “ You want to know that reason I was acting like! Fine! It’s because i’m in love with you! And seeing you with Carla tears my fucking heart apart! I know I was being stupid and a bitch, and I am your best friend and I am trying really really hard to be happy for you, but I can’t be. because i’m going to lose you to her and that kills me! So now you know! I’m Willa, the big fucking idiot who despite her best efforts fell in love with her best. Thats who I am!” Willa looked away from him, she was no longer trying to hold back her tears. She turned back to him and a took a deep breath “ So who are you?” she said quietly.

[willacartright-blog]

Chewing the inside of his mouth, Logan was suppressing his urge to shout. What the hell was going on with her? Their obvious disagreement was quite clearly upsetting the atmosphere of the night; their petty teasing had turned out to be much more serious than he initially thought. But why? He pondered, because surely, best friends were supposed to be happy for one another when they meet somebody. So why were they both acting like they didn’t want to be here, let alone be here with their dates? The male shrugged in response, “Since when do you need my permission to stay at a boy’s flat?” There was an icy edge to his tone which he was having trouble hiding. Now even Logan was acting bitter and he didn’t know why. One thing was for sure, though: one more snide comment to Carla and he would erupt. There was something that knotted inside his chest when she said ‘when you find someone who knows you better than anyone’ about Rick. Who even was Rick? Certainly not the person who knew anything about his best friend. He didn’t know that Willa was a total control freak, or that her favourite food is pasta, or that she is not a morning person, or that she never once thinks about herself and always puts everybody else’s wishes before her own. Willa was fierce and beautiful; a relationship with her wasn’t for the fainthearted. So Rick stood no chance in a lasting relationship with her. There had to be someone better for her out there, someone with a bit more personality, someone who could crack stupid jokes (that she wouldn’t laugh at), someone who would protect and comfort her – someone more suitable for her. This Rick guy wasn’t it. So there was no way that Logan was accepting that he knew her ‘better than anyone’ because that was bull. Logan knew her better than anyone. But instead of verbalizing his thoughts, the male sat there in silence and smiled falsely at the pair. It seemed that although Rick was professional, and probably very good at his job, he still didn’t match up to Logan’s standards for Willa. Even if he was a big shot lawyer. “Well, this time next year I’ll be a junior doctor. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to afford it then,” he shot back, playing the money card. Logan never bragged about anything, so he had no idea where this ‘I’m a doctor’ superiority complex was coming from. Aside from his conflict with Willa, he couldn’t even bare to look at his date because he wasn’t acting like himself, and it scared him that Carla would be gathering false thoughts about him.

Willa glared at him. “ Since never. I wasn’t asking you for your permission, I was just trying to be a good roommate and letting you know I wouldn’t be home tonight. I figured you and Carla would want the place tonight since thats where you usually end up with your dates by the end of the night.” Willa bit her cheek. She knew she shouldn’t have said that, but it was too late to take back now. Willa knew Logan was at his breaking point and she felt sick. She was relieved she would be staying her friends house tonight, until ‘ Rick’ spoke up. “ Uh actually tonight is not good for me, I have a deposition to prepare.” Willa looked up at her friend angrily. She smiled over at Logan and Carla and turned back to her friend “ What are you doing” she whispered. He then informed her he had someone coming over tonight. Willa turned back to Logan and Carla “ Sorry guys looks like i’ll be home tonight after all, but don’t let that stop you. I’ll just listen to my music really loud like I normally do when Logan brings girls home.” she said giving them a fake smile.

Willa knew the comment about Rick knowing her better than anyone had gotten to Logan, especially when he played the money card. But unlike Logan Willa wasn’t afraid to call him out on how he was acting. “ Wow Logan playing the money card? I know Rick makes a ton of money, but you don’t hear him bragging about it. This just isn’t like you. If I didn’t know any better i’d say you’re jealous of Rick.” she finished raising an eyebrow and not losing eye contact with him. Willas heart was beating fast. She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth and she hated herself right now. She held it together and kept Logan locked in a stare, because as much as she wanted to break down right now she would never let anyone of these people see her cry.

[willacartright-blog]

It was obvious to him that Willa didn’t like Carla. Perhaps it slipped past the attention of his date, and maybe even Rick, but not Logan. He knew her inside and out – it was obvious when Willa did or didn’t like something about someone. The only part that confused Logan was why. She didn’t even know Carla that well, they’d only exchanged a few small comments about apparel; it was hardly enough to judge a person (let alone be rude to them.) It was all amounting to one thought in his head: the girl who was sat opposite him, wrapped up in another man’s arms with that proud smirk on her face, just wasn’t the Willa he knew. “I have mentioned you,” the male corrected, shaking his head and stretching his arm around Carla. “Willa just suffers from extreme short-term memory loss. She also gets confused easily. I think it’s all the bright lights in here. You feeling okay, Will? You look a little peaky. Look, don’t be offended babe,” he whispered intentionally loudly. “She’s just dim.” Logan joked, kicking her leg under the table as a signal to stop the game before it actually got serious. Only it was Rick that felt the force from his foot, causing him to sound a loud ‘ow’ and stare confusedly at Logan. “Aha,” he flashed a smile and turned to the waiter, grateful someone had turned up to save him.

“We’ll have a beer and a glass of white, please. Cheers,” Logan shuffled in his seat uncomfortably as Willa boasted about and praised her date. It was rather unnerving. But he wasn’t going to make it a competition over who had the best date because that was childish and he wasn’t there for whatever game Willa was playing – he was there for his date. Instead, he replied, “Mm hmm. So he knows that your favourite drink is beer, I think you’ve got yourself a keeper here.” No competition still meant that he could taunt Rick though, didn’t it? If it annoyed his best friend it was worth it. Carla shot him a baffled look at his comment, but he just smiled in return, acting as though it was normal. It was weird seeing Willa kiss somebody else, not that he hadn’t before, obviously Logan had been around for many a boyfriend that she’d had in the past. But there was something about this time that was different. In response to her question, Carla grinned up at Logan. “Well, I’ve known you since we started working together which was, what, a year ago? But he didn’t have the balls to ask me out until a couple of weeks ago.” Returning the playful smile, Logan nudged into her softly. “Hey! Okay, that was unfair. Just because you clearly wanted me to ask you out way before then.” Carla nodded sarcastically. “Oh yeah, in your dreams, tray boy.” The two chuckled, suddenly aware that it wasn’t just them two at the table. Logan cleared his throat and smiled at the two opposite. “Sorry, tray boy, private joke…” He couldn’t help but catch Willa’s eye as he said so, curious for her reaction, though he didn’t really know why. Logan decided to turn his attention to Willa’s date, keen to find out what kind of guy he really was. “So, Rick, you’re a lawyer, right? What kind? And where do you work because I’m pretty sure there’s a million law firms in New York and they all sound the same to me. I would have no idea where to go if I ever needed help. Hey, maybe I could be your client, that is, if you can close me.”

Willa was hurt when Logan started joking about her being dim. She knew she was being rude to his date, but that really hurt her feelings and she was pissed. She shot him glare trying to send the message that she was very upset by his comments. “ Since I get confused so easily and i’m so dim I will probably forget to the way back to our apartment and end up sleeping at Ricks tonight.” Willa spat coldly. She was mad, and she could tell Logan wasn’t to happy with her either. Tonight would most likely end in a big fight between the two of them once they got home, so maybe it would be a better idea to stay at a friends house tonight as she really didn’t feel like explaining to Logan why she was acting this way. Willa looked at ‘Rick’ surprised when he cried out. She crossed her arms, she the knew the kick was meant for her. ‘ Really mature’ she mouthed at Logan so no one else would hear.

“ Rick is definitely a keeper.” she replied to Logan “ I mean when you find someone who knows you better than anyone else you hold onto them.” She hoped those words would sting. Willa knew what she was doing and saying was wrong, but Logan had really pissed her off.  Willa just rolled her eyes in disgust as they talked about how they met and joked with each other. Seeing Logan laughing and having inside jokes with this girl made her feel like he was replacing her. “ hmm I figured.” she muttered. Logan started asking ‘Rick’ about his job and Willa was worried, but he answered like a pro. “ That’s right. Well I practice all different kinds of Law, so its whatever client comes in. I work at Vanderbilt & Huntington Law Firm, we are one of the biggest in the state.” Willa cut in to answer the rest “ Sorry Logan you’d be out of luck. Rick only works high profile cases for Important people, plus he’s pretty expensive.”

[willacartright-blog]

Despite there being nothing necessarily wrong with the idea of going on a double date with their new partners, Logan couldn’t help but feel nervous about it. There was a pool of anxiety bubbling in his stomach as to exactly how he would react to being in Rick’s company. He already hated the guy just for being better than him. Plus, with the news he’d been told last week about Willa’s rape, Logan now felt that he could trust no man with his best friend. He was glad that she was finally seeking professional help about it, though, and constantly expressed how proud he was of her. At the end of it all, Logan just wanted Willa to be happy, and if that was with some arrogant lawyer prick, then so be it. So long as he didn’t hurt her. Logan had picked up Carla from her apartment and they’d arrived at the restaurant together. The brunette looked gorgeous, he had to admit, with her long tresses curled down her back and hourglass figure complimented by the tight red dress she wore. The male felt slightly out of his depth in comparison to her, but he didn’t scrub up too bad either. As usual, he wore his white shirt and black jeans, though this time he’d actually worn a tie as well. A tie !! ?? Logan was, evidently, in a rather strange mood and didn’t know what to make of the whole situation, hence his bold fashion statement. He felt like he was going to a funeral. The two sat at a table chosen by his date, by one of the windows that looked out onto the gardens (not that you could see them – it was dark.) Carla was talking to him about a patient she had worked with that day and the pair were chuckling when their friends approached. “Hey!” Logan suddenly turned away from his date, automatically grinning at the sight of Willa, looking as beautiful as ever. He hopped out of his seat, and decided to start the evening off by being polite, so he outstretched his hand for Rick to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, pal. Heard a lot about you.” Choosing to ignore the fact that Willa had got Carla’s name wrong again, all he did was smirk at the blonde as he sat back down. Carla corrected Willa, not thinking anything of it, and complimented her blouse, swearing that she needed to buy one. Logan hinted for a waiter to come over, noticing that in his peripheral vision he could see Willa and Rick being intimate and close. It was strange, but a shot of some odd feeling was fired into his entire body, numbing him momentarily. He decided to shake it off, placing his hand on Carla’s knee and giving her his best smile. “What would you like to drink?”

Willa was surprised at how friendly Logan was being towards ‘Rick’, maybe he really didn’t care if she was seeing someone, or maybe he was hoping that if he’s nice to Willa’s date she will be nice to his. If thats the case, then he is out of luck. Carla was so sweet, it made Willa want to puke. Nobody is that sweet. She has to be hiding something. When Carla corrected Willa she replied with “ Oh! Is it! I’m so sorry, it’s just Logan hasn’t mentioned you much so your name just didn’t stick.” She shot a coy look at Logan. “ Oh this? It was a gift, i’m not really sure where it came from.” she mumbled, uninterested at the conversation. 

The waiter came over and ‘ Rick’ ordered Willa a beer like she had advised him too earlier. “ You know me so well.” she said excitedly scooting closer to him. She looked over at Logan “ Isn’t Rick just the sweetest?” she shot at him. Willa continued to taunt Logan. She would giggle at things ‘Rick’ whispered in her ear, be really touchy feely with each other, and she continued to be passive aggressively rude to Carla. After the waiter had brought them their meals Willa looked back over at Carla. “ So how long have you known Logan.” she asked raising an eyebrow “ I mean Rick and I have only know each other for about a month, but it feels like I’ve known him my whole life.” She looked up at ‘Rick’ and kissed him on the lips. Honestly it was like kissing her brother, but she hoped Logan couldn’t tell that. She really owed her friend big time for going along with this.

[willacartright-blog]

It had been about a week since Willa discovered Logan was seeing someone and since she had lied and told him she was too. It was also a week ago that Willa opened up to Logan about her rape, and since then she has been seeing a professional to work through it. Willa was not looking forward to this date, she had to convince her work friend, who fit the description of the Rick she had told Logan about, to pretend to be her boyfriend. Willa was planning on making Logan jealous tonight, she knew that what she was doing was desperate and probably a bit insane, but it’s too late to back out now.

Willa finished getting ready and looked herself over in the mirror. She looked good, but she wasn’t trying as hard as the night they went clubbing. She decided to wear something that was more herself, and she thought she looked better in the Jeans, a soft, silky, peach colored, button up shirt with rolled up sleeves, and her hair down. Willa grabbed her purse and put on a pair of flats. She told Logan she would meet him at that restuarant, that ‘Rick’ was driving her. Willa heard the door bell ring and she answered, it was her friend.Willa was relieved that she was at least doing this with a good friend. She briefed him in the car, and she was feeling pretty confident about the whole thing. They arrived at the restuarant and Willa took a deep breath, she was not looking forward to meet this Carla girl. Willa and ‘Rick’ walked into the restuarant hand in hand. She spotted Logan and a girl at a table and they walked over to them. Willa plastered on a fake smile “ Hi, this is Rick. Rick this is my best friend Logan” she said introducing the too “ I’m guessing you’re Carly?” She said in a sicking sweet voice to the woman, again purposely saying her name wrong. ‘Rick’ pulled a chair out for Willa and she sat down, he then took a seat beside her. “ Thanks babe.” she said kissing him on the cheek “ Anything for you” he winked. Willa grinned, he was doing great. She watched Logan to see his reaction.

[willacartright-blog]

The proposal came out of nowhere, and absolutely, made Logan’s stomach churn. That was the last thing he wanted to do. The two of them on a double date with people who threatened to ruin their friendship? It was the last thing he wanted. But, it wasn’t the most stupid suggestion in the world – he saw her reasons for suggesting such an idea. For Willa, he’d just have to suck it up and go. “Sure,” he agreed coolly, “A double date sounds great.” Taking another one of the glasses and tossing its contents to the back of his throat, Logan winced at the burning again. He was relieved that her boyfriend wasn’t a convict or a fraud (though a lawyer wasn’t far from it.) The thought of this man being more accomplished, more successful than him made his lip curl in jealous spite. The feeling was strange, and Logan couldn’t understand why it mattered so much – it was just a job. “Wow, a lawyer,” he mused with mock interest and enthusiasm. “How am I supposed to compete with that, really, a lawyer?” he shook his head. “Well, what can I say? He really does seem like a charming fellow.” Several shots later, the two of them were up, away from the safe haven of the bar and out into the wilderness that was the dancefloor. Strobe lights flickered and shone in every direction, the feeling of dance music pumping through their veins, and intoxication making it hard to breathe. And he almost hadn’t noticed. Almost. Logan felt a huge weight press into him and push past him, his eyes followed the blonde in the direction of the exit. Was that Willa? He searched around him but she was nowhere to be found. That was her. Instantly, the male pushed through the crowd of bodies, but quickly stopped at the bar to grab Willa’s shoes, before heading out of the club. Logan called her name a few times, but he couldn’t spot her anywhere, so the apartment seemed like the best place to go. It didn’t take him long to get home, mainly because he sprinted the entire way, in which he found his best friend, lying on the bathroom floor as though the world had just crashed down on her. “Willa?” he hesitated a moment, before swooping down and picking her up. He wrapped her arms around his neck, cradling her slowly and hushing her cries as he took her into the living room. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, I’ve got you.” Once several minutes had passed, Logan wiped her tears away with his thumb and set her down beside him on the couch, though his arms never left her side. “What happened out there? Come on, talk to me.”

Willa heard logan say her name, but she didn’t move from her spot. She was paralyzed by the memories of that night as played through her mind like a movie. When he picked her up Willa dug her face into his chest, still crying. She probably looked like a pathetic mess to him, but she didn’t care at the moment all she could think about was her rape. When he brought her to the couch Willa released her grip from around his neck. She sat beside him unable to look him in the eyes. She didn’t know what to say. She had never talked to anyone about that night, and it was eating her alive. 

Willa sat there for a few more minutes, sobbing and looking down at her hands. She finally decided that maybe it was time to tell someone about what happened, it was time to tell her best friend. Willa still looked down as she spoke “ I um- I’m sorry I ran out like that. That-That guy just looked a lot like...” she stopped, squeezing her eyes shut as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and continued “ Towards the end of senior year I was at a party, and, um, I was hanging out with John Vanderbilt, you know the super rich kid in our grade. An-Anyways I guess I was flirting a bit with him, he seemed nice and all, even brought me a drink, I told him how much I liked old film noir movies and he told he had a collection of them up in his room and that I could borrow some, so l went up to his room with him.” Willa paused again, it happened years ago but was still so vivid in her mind. Tears kept streaming down her face but she continued. “ I was starting to feel dizzy so I sat down on his bed, and he sat down next to me and he-he started to kiss me. I-I told him so stop that I didn’t want to, but I was really dizzy and couldn’t fight back. And he-and he” Willa squeezed her eyes shut, she couldn’t get herself to say, but a part of her felt like if she didn’t then her would win. She took another breath “ And he r-raped me.” Willa collapsed into the couch and bawled, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, it hurt like hell to relive that moment, but it felt good to not be holding it in anymore either. “ When it was over, I said I was going to tell. He said that no one would believe me, that everyone would think I was a liar. His friends saw me flirting and saw me go upstairs, he said he could probably even get them to tell the cops that I told him I wanted to sleep with him in front of them, and that I’m the one who lead him upstairs. He said I would look like a liar, and I believed him.” Willa was still curled up in the couch, she was too afraid to look at Logan, afraid of what he might think of her.

[willacartright-blog]

Logan did suspect that her cool, nonchalant responses were all seemingly false. Even though Willa looked amazing, and by God, was she amazing, he never knew her to be cocky or arrogant about the way she looked. Yes, she seemed to own all the confidence in the world right now, but Logan knew that she wasn’t in love with herself for it. By the end of the night she’d be dying to take off those gigantic heels and probably the tightest bodycon dress in her closet. That was one of the many reasons he loved her. Platonically, of course. “It’s not something you dig out often,” he observed, wondering what the occasion must be. “I’ll follow you, then,” Logan nodded as he walked after her, catching up to her side. He chuckled at her last comment, agreeing with her internally. She was right, Willa wasn’t entirely a good girl. Of course she was usually the reason why the pair of them would get in trouble when they were younger. It would always be due to some bold plan of hers to go out past bedtime and do something irresponsible. It did lead to many hilarious memories, though. It wasn’t unusual for the blonde to attract attention from the opposite sex, hell, even the same sex sometimes. Right now, Logan couldn’t help but feel instinctively protective over Willa for it. Hence why he quickened his pace so that she couldn’t leave him behind. He’d never been to this club before, though she had mentioned it to him multiple times. As they approached, he sounded an elongated, “ohhhhhh. I know this place. This is where you’ve been wanting to take me for months.” Logan couldn’t believe that Willa had walked right up to the front but part of him was advised not to even question it, but to follow her anyway. Attempting again, though failing miserably, not to become overly protective when she was flirting with the bouncer, Logan crossed his arms to stop them swinging at the hugely built man. As soon as they were sat at the bar, he breathed a sigh of relief and turned towards her. “I think you mean Carla,” he corrected, a playful smirk gracing his lips. “When do you get to meet Carla, gee, I don’t know. When do I get to meet Mick?” Playing the same game as her always had a way of amusing him. Logan lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, his expression clearly spelling out: bring it on, if you want to play, let’s play. When the tequila shots were delivered to them, he thanked the bartender and lifted one up to toast with Willa. “To new relationships. May we both be inexplicably happy,” his expression was one of complete falsity, as he necked down the venomous liquid that burned through the lining of his throat. “Ugh, not nice. So how did you meet this guy? He’s not a criminal, is he? Not some burglar or shoplifter you met at the station?” Logan was teasing her now, he just couldn’t resist.

Willa nodded “ Yeah and it only took you starting to see a girl to get you here.” she said bitterly “ I mean what better way to celebrate both of our new relationships.” Willa waited impatiently for the bartender to bring them their shots. “ Right Carla, sorry guess I forgot.” she said slyly. Willa smirked at him, she knew what he was doing. “ You mean Rick?” she said “ How about we go on a double date next week.” she couldn’t believe she had just suggested that, especially since there was no Rick, but still she wanted to be the first to offer a double date, knowing it would be inevitable. The shots came and Willa picked hers up “ To new relationships” she repeated, then downed her shot. Ordering another one from the bartender. “ No he’s not a criminal” she said rolling her eyes, then thought for a moment “ He’s a Lawyer, a big time lawyer. We met while I was testifying for a case against his client.” she said, shocked at how easily she had made that up. The bartender delivered the next round of shots and she downed hers quickly.

A few rounds later, Willa was throughly drunk. She got out of her seat fixing her incredibly uncomfortable dress. Willa took off her heels and placed them on the bar stool she was just sitting on, there was no way she was dancing in those. “ Come one lets dance.” she said grabbing Logans arm and leading him to the dance floor. She started swaying to the music and felt someone press up behind her, she smirked and turned to face the guy she was now dancing with, but when she saw his face she froze. He looked so similar to the man who had raped her years before. The room started spinning and Willas heart rate sped up, she hadn’t had nightmares about her rape for awhile, but all of a sudden she was plagued with images. She felt like she was going to throw up, Willa had to get out of there. She turned around and shoved past Logan, ignoring her shoes at the bar, she ran out of the club onto the street and didn’t stop running until she reached there apartment. 

When she arrived home Willa ran into the bathroom and puked. Her throat burned from alcohol coming back up. She curled up on the bathroom floor and started crying.  

[willacartright-blog]

The information was heavy on his mind – it was almost too much to process at once. The threat of losing their friendship to new partners seemed serious and deadly. How could everything change in a matter of seconds? Logan wished they could forget about this whole conversation and go back to when she came home from work, the two of them oblivious; he’d never bring up Carla in exchange for no mention of this ‘Rick’ douchebag. And he’d take that deal if it was possible. But, instead, Logan would have to settle for another way to give him temporary amnesia – alcohol. Jumping to his feet when Willa fled to her room, he followed in her footsteps towards his own bedroom. Lazily, he pulled out a white shirt and a pair of black jeans. Logan wouldn’t wear a tie or bow tie unless it was an absolute necessity (if he was forced to by his family.) So usually when he went out he’d settle for just a shirt and jeans. Once he was dressed and he’d absentmindedly ruffled his hair to an acceptable outcome, the male wandered out into the living area and looked around their apartment. His eyes scanned their kitchen, the counters and contents they’d raided IKEA together to find, their large leather sofa that engulfed them when they sunk into it, the xbox that Willa had teased him for buying out of sheer childishness… This apartment, this home, they’d built together – there was no one else Logan would rather live and spend every waking moment with. He just hoped and prayed that he never had to lose that to another man, albeit inevitable. When the blonde emerged from the room, Logan spun on his heels to face the entire reason he’d had a crush on her back in high school. His breath caught in his windpipe momentarily and, stumped for words, he managed a small cough. “You look…” he searched for the words. “Beautiful,” he breathed, eyes finally meeting hers. Embarrassed, Logan chuckled softly and pointed towards the door. “After you.” As she walked ahead of him, he couldn’t help but widen his eyes as they followed down to her ass. Why was he not married to this girl yet? Once Logan broke his eyes away from her butt, hoping that she hadn’t noticed him, he caught up to her and locked the door behind them. “So, the night is young and New York is our oyster. Where does the lady wish to go?”

Willa smirked at his response, it was exactly the one she was hoping for. “ What? This old thing?” she said innocently, batting her eye lashes. Will nodded at him and walked ahead, swaying her hips. She didn’t even have to look behind her to know he was staring at her ass. She grinned slyly to herself.  As she walked out of the apartment she turned to face him as he was locking their door. He was simply handsome Logan, the man who she had realized just moments ago she’s in love with. Willa found it crazy how in a moment everything could change. “ I know place.” she said mysteriously, then started walking down the stairs to the lobbing of their building, but not before turning around briefly and saying “ Oh and Logan, we both know i’m no lady.” 

she turned back and continued walking to the lobby of the building, swaying her hip seductivly. She noticed other men staring at her as she made her way through the lobbing to the front door. It did make her uncomfortable, especially because of what happened her senior year of high school, but she never missed a beat and was hoping that these guys stares would make Logan jealous. Willa walked out onto the busy New York street, the brisk air sending a chill down her spine. She lived for these kinds of nights. Willa lead Logan towards a busy night club, music was blaring from the entrance and there was a long line. She sauntered up to the front of it, making sure Logan was following close behind, because she still felt a little uneasy walking late at night. She flirted a bit with the bouncer until he let them in. It was crowded and people were dancing up close to each other “ Why don’t we start with some drinks before heading to the dance floor.” she suggested to Logan. They walked over to the bar and Willa took a seat. She ordered a a few tequila shots and then turned to Logan “ So when do I get to meet this Carly?” she asked purposely saying her name wrong.

[willacartright-blog]

Logan relaxed a little at the ease that maybe she was just scared for him, not wanting him to get hurt by this girl. A soft smile creased his lips as he nodded, “I know, and I hope she is a nice girl. But you know I’m not stupid, I’m not going to fall ‘head over heels’,” he said, once again referring to the foreign concept he couldn’t understand. Either way, Willa had nothing to worry about. He was just going to go on a few dates and see where it led. They probably wouldn’t even get to a second date with Logan’s track record of being the worst date in the world. Or so females in the past had told him. The words that followed afterwards from Willa, somehow, someway, caused his insides to seize up. It was as if he’d physically taken a blow to the stomach; wheezing, struggling for air. Since when was she seeing someone? And who the hell is ‘Rick’? Rick is such a creepy name, the male internally remarked. Then he realised that he was reacting the exact same way as she had – bitter, angry, and jealous? No, not jealous. Whatever this reaction was it certainly wasn’t jealousy. Perhaps it was because, after their recent conversation, Logan was terrified of losing her to another guy. Yep, he could settle for that. “U-uh, wow,” Logan finally breathed, putting on the falsest of smiles he could manage. “That’s so great. And he’s rich too, awesome. Are you happy? Do you like this guy? Because if you’re happy then that’s all that matters,” his speech was rushed and slightly over-elated at her news because it was incredibly forced. However, inside, deep down, there was some feeling niggling away at him that this wasn’t right. The two of them both being in relationships – where would their time be for each other? Would they just forget each other, replace one another with ‘Rick’ and Carla? Logan’s thoughts were making him feel rather ill, so he pushed them aside and finally glanced over at Willa. “Do you want another beer? Or do you want to go out? To celebrate?”

Willa was about to tell him that she was kidding, that she actually wasn’t dating anybody, but then she saw how he reacted to her news. Anyone who didn’t know him would think he was happy for Willa, but she did know him and she could tell that the idea was bothering.  Willa knew continuing on with this lie would probably backfire, but she didn’t care about that all she cared about was making Logan jealous. “ Yeah, he’s pretty awesome. I am so happy, and I do really like him. He’s the only guy that can put up with me.” Willa said then paused for a moment “ Oh except for you of course” she said as if she felt bad for him. Willa knew what she was doing was crazy, but thinking about Logan with another girl makes her crazy and she wanted Logan feel little like how she was feeling right now. “ You know I would love to go out and celebrate. Let me just go change. Willa stood up and walked into her room, closing the door shut behind her. Willa leaned up against it and sighed “ What did I just do?” she whispered to herself. Willa paced around her room for a moment. I can’t be in love with my best friend Willa thought. “ Maybe I just think I am because i’m afraid of losing him as friend.” Willa said quietly to herself. She glanced over at a picture of the two of them on her nightstand, Willa was on Logans back and they were both smiling holding up their keys. It was the day they first moved into their apartment. Willa smiled to herself remembering that moment fondly, how she felt whenever she was with Logan. Willa sighed and fell back onto her bed. There was not denying it now, she was hopelessly in love with him. Willa knew Logans view on love so there was really only one thing to do. Make sure he knows what he’s missing. 

When Willa finished getting dressed she looked in her full length mirror. She was wearing a tight short strapless black dress, that made her butt look awesome, a pair of black closed toe heels, her blonde hair cascaded perfectly down her back, and even with the bare minimum of make up her face looked flawless. She looked hot. Willa walked out of her room and over to Logan. “ Ready to go?” she asked. Let the games begin.

[willacartright-blog]

Shaking his head vehemently, Logan adjusted his tone to being slightly more dramatic, “He’s 6′3. He’s a fucking giant. And I don’t like the way he looks at me,” he shudders, clearly exaggerating the threat of a man who lets him stay in one of his apartments. He couldn’t be that bad. The way that his best friend reacted to his supposedly good news shook him with shock. Where had all this come from? Willa’s words were like venom, icy and lethal, it was almost as if his friend had walked out of the room because this wasn’t the girl he knew. “What do you mean, ‘she sounds like a lot of drama’? You don’t even know her yet. She really seems like a nice girl…” Confusion was written across the boy’s face in four different languages. He really had no idea where all of this anger had come from. Then, it started to make sense. They had just been talking about the possibility of replacing one another and losing each other for good, so perhaps it wasn’t the best time to bring up the news that he was seeing someone. Wrong call, Logan. You’re an idiot. But, even so, the extent to which she reacted suggested a much deeper feeling. What was her problem? “Hey, hey, what’s up?” the male asked, suddenly putting his beer on the coffee table and facing her. “Willa, listen to me, alright? And turn this –” he swiped the tv remote and turned the screen off. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” The question hung in the air for several moments, tensing the atmosphere like a bad smell. Shaking his head with a frown, Logan continued, “I don’t understand why you’re not happy for me. I’m finally asking someone out, finding my balls or whatever you always fucking say to me. I have literally just met her today. Who says we’ll even date, let alone ‘break up in a few weeks.’” The words fell from his tongue so fast he hardly knew what he was saying. The worst thing she could do now is sit there in complete silence. Logan wanted an explanation. Whatever it was, they could work out. His expression turned more sympathetic and soft. “Look, you know even if we did date – it wouldn’t change anything between us two. You’re my best friend,” he smiled weakly. “You come before everyone.”

Willa had no idea what was going in her head at the moment, why was she so jealous? Could it be that it was because she actually does have feelings for Logan? No she couldn’t possibly, but then why was she feeling like he had just driven a knife into her heart. Holy shit i’m in love with Logan! she thought to herself. Deep down she always kind of knew, but it wasn’t until Logan had possibly met a fantastic girl that she could really admit to herself. Willa was quite sure what to do at the moment. “ The nice girls are the ones you have to look out for, but you’re right I don’t know her. “ Willa continued  “ Nothings up, I just don’t trust her and I don’t want you to get hurt.” she shrugged. She couldn’t look him straight in the eye as she spoke afraid that if he looked into her eyes just once he would know how she is feeling. Willa stayed quiet as he spoke pursing her lips and keeping her eyes focused in front of her. Willa took a deep breath, holding back tears, she would not let him know how she actually felt, so she took a deep breath, put on a smile and turned to face him “ You’re right, I don’t know why I was so worried.” She said and without even thinking twice she said “ I guess I was just stalling, because I was nervous to tell you that i’m seeing someone too. His name is Rick he’s a big shot lawyer I met while working on a case, He’s super good looking, and even though he’s usually busy with his job he somehow finds the time to workout, like he can benchpress me it’s insane. And even though he makes a bunch of money he’s super humble about it. He’s just a really sweet, intelligent guy, so yeah.” Willa had no idea why she just did that, making up a fake boyfriend to make Logan jealous, she wasn’t that kind of girl, yet part of her wanted to see what his reaction would to her meet the perfect man.

[willacartright-blog]

Taking another gulp from his bottle, the male leaned back against the couch. That was a fair enough point. Although the two of them were as thick as thieves, that didn’t mean they would ever sleep with each other. They were too good friends. Of course, its not as if Logan hadn’t acknowledged that his best friend was beautiful (and incredibly sexy.) He’d known that since adolescence smacked the two of them in the face. However, there was just too much history between them, and he loved her too much to ever jeopardise what they had. “Touche,” Logan admitted and took another swig from his bottle. “I should think not. You know I can’t cook or clean, or pay our landlord because I’m scared of him.” He laughed softly, which lingered in the air, until what she was saying began to dawn on him. Sure, he met other girls but no matter who they were, they’d never compare to Willa. Even if they’d been dating a while. That would never change, right? “Love of my life,” the boy snickered, shaking his head. It wasn’t an entirely made up concept, but he didn’t believe in things like that. After Logan’s parents got divorced when he was sixteen, true love and marriage was about as realistic as God, or Santa Claus. But the thought of him and Willa being separated by another girl, or heck another guy for that matter, if she ever met anyone, knotted his stomach and he couldn’t understand why. It seemed an appropriate time to enlighten her with his news. “I don’t know about the ‘love of my life’,” Logan teased. “but I have met someone. Carla. She’s gorgeous, long dark hair, brown eyes – and she’s training to be a doctor, like me! I said I’d take her out on Friday. Are you proud of me, or what?” A soft smile spread across all of his features, as he expected her reaction to mirror his own. “But in relation to work, it was crappy just like yours. I was on needle sterilisation and trolley duty. I swear, six more months when I’m fully qualified, I am getting out of that shit hole. It couldn’t come sooner.”

Willa nodded “ You’re right, if you left you would probably die of starvation in this apartment, and then our landlord would finally win!” These were the moments Willa lived for. Hanging out with Logan, joking around, just being able to be herself. She didn’t want to imagine losing that. “ I don’t get why you are so afraid him, he never gives me any trouble.” she said shrugging. Willa rolled her eyes when he snickered at the notion having a love of his life. She knew the deal with his parents, she was there for him when they divorced and saw how it affected him, but still she thought he would have at least become less cynical about the notion through the years. “ Well then I guess I don’t have to worry about being repla-” she started to say, but then she heard the words ‘I met someone’ and her heart dropped. She didn’t know why, but those words just caused a pit in her stomach. “ Oh” was all she could manage, and her heart sank even more as he went on about how gorgeous Carla is. Willa couldn’t understand why suddenly the thought of Logan seeing someone was making her feel this way. She should be happy for him, but for some reason she’s not. Willa wasn’t sure how to act, so she went with her go to defense mechanism - bitchyness “ Well you know what they say about girls with dark hair and dark eyes, you can’t trust them. Also Carla? really? You can do better than a girl named Carla she sounds like a soap opera character, I mean she sounds like a lot of drama.” Willa knew she was being awful, but she couldn’t stop. She took a sip of beer and gave out a chuckle “ Oh! after you guys go out on a couple dates and then break up we can refer to her as pbc, Pretty but crazy! or Drama Carla-wait no that doesn’t rhyme, oh well i’m sure we will come up with something good after the break up in a few weeks.” Will looked back towards the tv and unpaused the game, did she feel good about herself in this moment? no. but did it make her feel better? yes it did.  “ That does sound crappy, but at least you’re moving up in six months, thats more than I can say. Soon enough you will be a big shot doctor.” she said not taking her eyes from the screen. 

[willacartright-blog]

The sarcasm in her tone wasn’t unusual, it was a definitive part of her sense of humour. And he loved it. If Willa wasn’t there to make sarcastic remarks or poke fun at him, she wasn’t being herself at all. But Lucas wasn’t a complete wimp, he didn’t just take all of her remarks. Occasionally he would drop a witty comment that would out-do her, but he saved those for special moments (meaning: they didn’t come often enough for him to out-wit his fellow roommate.) “Next time you can get your own beer,” Logan threatened, as if that would be the end of the world as they knew it. The way she was getting defensive about the escort comment was amusing him so much, he couldn’t suppress the grin that was now creasing his features. “Jesus. Since when were you so sympathetic towards prostitutes? Er, I mean escorts,” the male teased, snickering because he didn’t see the difference. “Well, as I am your best friend, if you did become an elite escort or whatever, I would expect the most deluxe package you could offer.” But what she said about moving away made his smile falter. Yes, it was all hypothetical and completely reasonable – why should she stay here if the job she’d always wanted was somewhere else? However, Logan couldn’t quite help feeling like someone had pulled the panic cord in his head. Sirens were ringing. “Hey, you’re not really going to move away, are you? I mean, how do you expect me to cope here by myself?” he joked, nudging her side and taking another swig of his beer. “Maybe you need to come up with some sabotage plan to ensure you get that promotion. Or you could just… you know, kill her.” Logan shrugged as if it was a plausible idea, before bursting into laughter and resuming the game.

Willa gave a dramatic sigh at his threat “ No anything but that! Anything but that! I take back everything I said before, just please don’t make me get my own beer.” she whined as if he had just told her he was going to kill her, then she rolled her eyes and lightly slugged him in the arm “ Don’t you threaten me again Logan Clark.” Willa chuckled. “ I guess since I meet a lot of them on the job, both prostitutes and escorts.” she shrugged taking a sip of beer. Willa smiled “ Well then as your best friend I should warn you that you wouldn’t be able to handle the most deluxe package, plus that would make us best friends paying for benefits which would just be weird.” she added. Sure Willa found Logan attractive, but did that mean she wanted to sleep with him? Well sometimes when she’s drunk and horny, but she would never as that would just ruin their friendship and she would hate to lose her best friend over something that meaningless, yes they love each other, but unlike their friends think they are not in love with each other. “ And leave you to fend for yourself in this big city? No way!” Willa hated the idea of leaving Logan, they grew up together, he’s been her best friend for as long as she can remember. Some of her earliest memories involve Logan, but she did need to be realistic it’s not going to be just the two of them forever “ But I mean with me gone you could bring as many girls back here as you’d like without them being threatened by my gorgeousness, plus when you meet the love of your life and decide to settle down you won’t need me around as much.” Willa was trying to lighten the mood, but instead the more she talked the more she made herself feel down, she didn’t really like the thought of losing Logan to another woman, guess that’s the hard part of male/female best friendships, that someday they will have a another male/female in their life that they can do all the same things with plus sex, and Willa felt like she would never be able to compete for Logans attention with the woman he was in love with.  Willa laughed at his killing comment “ Hopefully it won’t have to come to that.” she said light heartedly, still feel depressed by her thoughts. She decided to change the subject “ So enough about me and my crappy day, tell me more about your hopefully less crappy day”

[willacartright-blog]

The male shook his head, still smiling at the blonde. “Yeah, don’t count on it next time. I won’t give in so easy,” Logan warned, opening the fridge and pulling out a pack of beers. “Is Stella okay? Hey, tea and coffee are not feminine drinks. I drink coffee pretty much all day long.” Admittedly, he walked straight into that joke. Logan snatched two cans from the pack, jumping over the back of the couch and sitting next to her. “One for the lady,” he teased, passing her one. “You do know that to be an escort I’d be paying you to have sex, right? So if I started paying you for your company you’d have to do a little more than play video games.” Cracking open his can, Logan couldn’t help but laugh, awaiting her aggressive and, probably, violent reaction to his comment. Even though they teased and play fought 99% of the time, there was still that 1% when they were soppy and genuine with each other, when they actually expressed that they cared for one another, and Logan lived for that 1%. “So, this promotion,” he mused, taking a gulp from his can. “Is this the one you’ve wanted since the moment you joined the force?”

Willa smiled “ Oh you know you will, it’s very hard to say not to me.”she knew he would probably put up a little bit of a fight, but at the end she would get her way. Willa nodded “ Yeah. Oh you do? Well then I take it back coffee must be more manlier than I thought if you, the manliest man who ever lived drinks it everyday!” she joked Willa stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed the can, popping it open and taking a swig, then almost spitting it out when he made his escort comment. “ First of all that is a common misconception about escorts, sure sometimes they end up having sex with their clients, but that costs a whole lot more, most escorts are hired to accompany people to parties or events or are hired to be the eye candy at parties, unlike prostitutes they do not have to have sex with their clients, second of all I would be a very high end escort obviously, so you wouldn’t even have enough money for the super deluxe package that would end in doing more than just playing video games.” Willa finished her rant feeling satisfied and took another swig of her drink, grinning at him. Willa slumped back into the couch and paused the game looking over at him “ Yeah, thats the one. And I don’t know how long its going to be until a position at the NYPD opens up, I might just have to take the one they offer to me which might be in another state which sucks because I don’t want to move, but I also don’t want to write parking tickets forever” She said solemnly, then to lighten the mood “ So lets hope that Carol fucks up”