holster with a blowtorch

Check Please flailings. I follow from merlinisnotover. Parsepositive. Dex positive. fic on ao3 at kirani. Fic requests are always open but I can’t guarantee I’ll get to them in a timely manner. Icon by @jckzimmermanns

[queer-book-character-tournament]

Queer Book Ship Tournament 2025 Round 4

Simon Snow/Tyrannus Basilton (Baz) Grimm-Pitch- Carry On

Eric “Bitty” Bittle/Jack Zimmermann- Check, Please!

Voting ended onFeb 2, 2025

Character, book, and author names under the cut

Simon Snow/Tyrannus Basilton (Baz) Grimm-Pitch- Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

Eric “Bitty” Bittle/Jack Zimmermann- Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu

[zimms]

au in which wicky is traded to the falcs and naturally ollie moves to providence with him. do bitty opens them back into the area with open arms obviously, but to be honest, he is a little confused about why ollie is here as well. like he knows they're best friends, but it seems a little excessive to move across the country just for your best friend. so after 4 months of this confusion, bitty eventually plucks up the courage to ask and ollie just stops dead in his tracks. "what do you mean why did i move with him? i'm his husband?"

bitty: "his what?"

ollie: "jesus christ you were literally at our elopement after the frozen four"

bitty: i WAS?????

[polyfrogger]

[aristocrating]

Lardo when asked about her experience as team manager of SMH

[dumouwin]

Dex and a compilation of all his best chirps

Dex’s Favorite On-Ice Chirps:

“keep shooting right at the breadbasket, man, i’m sure it’ll go through him eventually”

“yo, stripes, does your wife know you’re screwing us?”

after literally anyone touches bitty or nursey: “do it again and be ready to drop your fucking gloves, you fucking duster”

“hey tendy, we’re not playing dodgeball, buddy.”

to a fourth-liner before a faceoff: “hey, does your coach know you’re out here?”

after someone dives: “hey buddy did you just trip over the blue line? fucking bender”

also he has absolutely called someone a pigeon and then cooed at them à la claude giroux

he only uses these chirps when he’s not actually that mad. when he’s really mad it’s all just “fuck you” and the occasional “drop your gloves, make my fucking day”

no one ever fights him bc he looks fucking crazy when he’s mad

he’s only ever gotten in one fight, actually, and the dude dropped the gloves on him bc he skated over to him after a shift and just laughed and said “bro, you’re terrible at hockey”

ransom and holster put it on the wall in the basement as the simplest and most effective chirp in SMH history

[firstdayasadumpling]

haus cat :3

[911-on-abc]

"he's an under-developed character" you think that will stop me? babe, I was in the check please fandom! we made up an entire dude!!!

[yesornopolls]

are you well known in your fandom?

Are you well known in your fandom?

Yes

No

Doesn't apply

Voting ended onAug 22, 2024

[nursedexy]

[loveintvworlds]

right now jack zimmermann is watching his husband pack a suitcase to fly home to georgia so he can drive around some fields in his truck blasting beyoncé’s new country music in the south like she intended

[accelerationist-king-piccolo]

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

(insp)

[tingo-tango]

Something that's so funny to as a concept is that Jack, Chowder, Dex, and Whiskey all going to the NHL and reaching NHL stardom but and so they do a joint little interview segment, and Chowder is going on and on about how much Jack was a great captain, and so the moderator asks "I guess Jack was your best cattain in college, huh?"

And Chowder just immediately goes "Oh no Bitty was much better" and the moderator does a spit take

Dex is like "Bitty had a certain air about him when he was captain. He was commanding, but understanding and really lived up to the whole 'Got your back.' ...also, not gonna lie, it was kinda hot"

Whiskey just stares for a minute and goes "Jack was a great captain and did really good by the team." [A pause] "But Bitty didn't make us wake up for practice at 5am even for optional skate"

Jack is just looking at them all with a giant smile on his face and trying not to laugh as the other three chirp him

[tingo-tango]

(Via @zimboniiiiii )

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

Also the way that this would respark the whole Jack and Bitty stuff in the hockey world? Imagine ZimmerStans (thanks Abby /@zimms ) on Twitter seeing this interview and then just reblogging with gifs of the Center Ice Kiss and being like "Y'all surprised he loves his man?? smh"

And also Dex and Chowder just find old videos of Bitty as Captain and its literally so chaotic:

[Beyonce blaring in the background]

Bitty: IF YOU CANT FINISH DRILLS BEFORE THE SONGS OVER, YOURE DOING THEM AGAIN

Louis: You're killing us-

Hops: I'm trying!

Bitty: TRY HARDER! IF BEYONCE CAN SING WHILE RUNNING ON A WHOLE TRACK YOU CAN DO ONE DRILL

It goes viral and other SMH players are posting videos of Bitty as captain/during his senior year

Half of them show his ruthlessness as captain the other half have Beyonce involved somehow. There's a pie in every video.

When Bitty finally catches wind of it, he posts a video of a blog segment he never posted:

[On screen is a younger Bitty, around freshman year, in full hockey pads. In the background you can see is Faber, and Bitty is on the benches, seemingly finished up tying his skates]

Bitty: Hey y'all! I'm here at Faber, or thr ice rink! At 5 am!! You know why?

[The camera violently turns and points at Jack, younger and decidedly looking more closed off than now, lacing up his skates, but out of his pads]

Bitty: You're right folks! One Jack Zimmermann has graciously decided to wake me up at 5 AM WHEN I WAS PEACEFULLY SLEEPING to practice CHECKING!!! ...FUN

Jack, looking amused into the camera: Bittle, you know you have to get better right?

Bitty: I know I know...do you have to check me into the boards today, because I can make you pie-

Jack: Up, let's get on the ice

Bitty: Or are you a cake guy? I can do cookies! Tarts?

Jack, laughing: Just get on the ice Bittle

Bitty: Fine, fine

[Video cuts off]

It has the caption "You learn from the best, eh?" and a kissy face

Jack retweets it with 🥧❤🏒

[stanthefrogs]

time to bring back some discourse. question time: is shitty hot

yes

no

Voting ended onDec 6, 2023

[ohyoufool]

Omgcp holiday poll time. Begin.

which of these is most likely to be a holiday haus tradition

Christmas tree decorated with jock straps

Mistletoe in the doorway and you have to kiss with tongue

Shitty puts up Christmas lights in the shape of 420

Ongoing war with LAX team where decorations are sabotaged

The magic of Christmas is bittys fudge

Mandatory team mall santa photoshoot and christmas cards

Team caroling tradition down frat row and to sports houses. Yes costumes.

Team holiday party cancelled by Hall & Murray for “insurance reasons”

Actual fistfight during gingerbread haus decorating contest

Karaoke contest that goes viral on Bitty’s Twitter (oops!)

Voting ended onDec 11, 2023

[montrealmadison]

I will personally pay 30 real US dollars to anyone who draws the SMH Mall Santa Christmas card. Bonus points if they are in horrible 90s JC Penney-esque holiday outfits

[ohyoufool]

I will also put $30 toward that fund DMs open

[ivynotpoisonous]

Bears are so right about hibernation

[montrealmadison]

who let these two get dressed out of the same closet

[best-russian-blorbo-bracket]

Who's the best fictional russian?

Alexei "Tater" Mashkov (Check, Please!)

Baba Yaga (Russian Folklore)

Voting ended onNov 23, 2023

Mashkov:

He's fun! He's supportive! He's talented! He's the best friend an anxious bisexual Canadian professional hockey player living in their father's shadow could ask for!

Yaga:

Chicken house!!!