There’s something that isn’t often spoken about with grief. A phenomenon that happens that many feel often ashamed of afterwards. So I’ve put it in a one shot of this scene at a risk of getting cancelled for talking about it.
*** Trigger Warning ⚠️ Bereavement, Grief, Confusing, Seeking Comfort Whilst Grieving.***
Emma’s tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. Lip quivering, her eyes searched for Regina’s support knowing that of all the people most likely to understand her, Regina would, as she’d also experienced the loss of a lover.
Walking over to Emma, Regina pulled her into a hug, and Emma was finally able to give herself the permission to sob. Her knees buckled at the emotional release, causing the pair to collapse onto the floor whilst still holding onto each other.
Emma’s wailing cries became muffled, as she turned her face into Regina’s coat, shielding herself and her pain from her family.
Holding Emma close, Regina gently rocked her while she sobbed, and the sensation of being held and having the space to release for once, made Emma’s cries louder as her emotions overwhelmed her.
Hearing her parents’ familiar footsteps as Snow & David made their way over, Emma turned her face into Regina further. Regina’s body went rigid, shifting a little while shaking her head. Emma could only imagine the glare Regina was giving to her parents, but right now she didn’t care.
“No!” Regina asserted. “Let her release the pain.”
“With all due respect Regina, she’s my daughter…”
“With all due respect, Snow, you’ve never lost your husband for more than a minute. I know this pain all too well. So allow me to comfort her in the way that I know she needs to be comforted. In the way that I needed to be but never received. Regina’s tone was soft and her boundary firm. “In fact, all of you please leave.”
“Emma, honey? Do you want us to leave?” Snow asked quietly, placing a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
Emma couldn’t speak, for her painful cries prevented words from escaping her. She nodded as she sobbed and held onto Regina with a tighter grip.
“Okay. Okay, we’ll go.” Snow relented.
“We love you, and we’ll just be right outside when you’re ready.” David assured, ushering Snow and everyone else out of the door, closing it behind them to give Emma and Regina some privacy.
“It’s okay Emma, I’ve got you.” Regina whispered, rocking her gently, one hand on the back of her head and the other around Emma’s waist. The guttural cries that came from Emma the moment she knew she was safe to release her devastation weren’t just the cries of losing Killian, but also losing Neal, and Walsh, and Graham. All of them deceased, and she hadn’t had time to process anything of the pain she’d been holding onto for them all. It had all bubbled to the surface and spilled over onto Regina’s coat. The were no words that would comfort her, no words that would soothe or give any sense of justice to the loss she was mourning. Nothing would fix it. She just needed to be loved and held.
“Just let it all out, Emma. You’re safe with me. I got you.” Regina spoke softly, and for once, Emma felt like she’d been given exactly what she needed in the moment she needed it, and the focus was all on her for a change. Not saving anyone else, and not even being rescued herself. Just having that space to feel and process actually in the moment while having someone she cares for holding her. It meant everything, because the person she’d tried to get to be that person for her, was now gone.
Exhaustion set in. She had cried more than she’d ever allowed herself to in her lifetime. Lulled by the comfort of Regina’s embrace, she could fall asleep right there in Regina’s arms.
“You did good Emma.” Regina whispered, kissing Emma’s head like she would have done had she been comforting Henry.
That little kiss felt good. Too good. Way better than she was feeling right now, and the urge to seek that connection confused Emma. Mourning the loss of the person she’d tried building a forever life with, and yet here she was wanting Regina to kiss her forehead again. Lifting her face from Regina’s lapel, Emma glanced up at her, searching for that sense of connection as her eyes faltered to Regina’s plum coloured lips, and that little scar she’d always secretly admired. Regina returned her glance, eyes meeting she offered Emma a soft, empathetic, reassuring smile .
“Though this will be feeling like it’s the hardest pain you’ve ever endured, I promise you, you will recover and build a life around this grief. It never leaves you, but I promise you that you can and will build a life around it.” Regina whispered, as she moved Emma’s wet blonde locks off the side of her face gently with her hand, she tucked the strands behind Emma’s ear.
Emma’s hand found Regina’s and she held it to her face and closed her eyes briefly, comforted by Regina’s delicate touch. As Emma opened her eyes once more she noticed that Regina had been crying too. Crying quietly as she held Emma through the agonising grief. Regina’s empathy isn’t often acknowledged, mostly because she doesn’t like other’s seeing her as weak. But in this light, she never looked so strong. And Emma needed that right now. The urge to seek an intimate connection grew stronger within her, the silence between them grew loud, and everything faded around Emma as her eyes faltered between Regina’s lips and her eyes. Regina’s gaze followed Emma as they moved in closer. Emma couldn’t hold back. Her lips pressed against Regina’s, lingering for a brief moment until Regina relaxed and reciprocated the affection.
Deepening the kiss, their mouths opened a little, taking turns to caress each other’s bottom lip. Their tongues delicately embracing yielded a hum from Regina, which only spurred Emma’s enthusiasm. But before Emma had the chance to take this further, Regina shook her head against Emma’s lips and stopped the kiss.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
“No I’m sorry, I mean… I…”
“Shushhh it’s okay. I understand. When you lose someone it’s natural to seek the connection that you’re missing from them in someone else.”
Emma bowed her head and averted her gaze, but Regina’s hand found her chin and gently guided her back to face her and face the truth.
“You’ve done nothing wrong here, you understand?” Regina paused waiting for Emma’s confirmation, and reluctantly Emma nodded. “This is not a rejection. This is me protecting you from yourself right now.”
Emma sighed, and nodded before accepting what Regina was saying. And she had to admire her for looking out for her, yet she was confused as to why Regina reciprocated the kiss initially, especially as she’s with Robin. What does it mean? In any case, Emma couldn’t stay there in the Underworld and figure this out with Regina. They had to go home to Storybrooke.
“Thank you.” Emma eventually said. “And I’m sorry I kissed you.”
“Don’t be sorry. Like I said, it’s natural to seek connection in others after losing connection with someone else. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just part of the confusion grieving can do to someone. Now, are you feeling ready to leave?”
Emma looked back to the elevator door where she’d left Killian, then back to Regina and nodded. As Emma rose to her feet she offered Regina a hand and Regina took her offer, clasping Emma’s hand as she got up from the floor.
Noticing the mess of her lapel, Regina glanced back at Emma, with an arched brow. “I’ll send you the dry cleaning bill.” She sassed.
Emma knew that she didn’t mean that. It was just Regina’s way of putting her armour on, her Madam Mayor persona, to face the world again. As Regina headed for the door, Emma turned back once more to the elevator doors.
“Goodbye Killian.” She whispered, before turning to leave with Regina.
