wing

she/her, 20-something, nsfw. enemies to lovers, pop culture, film & tv, cultural & social history. wingardiumleviosar on a03. wingardium_fic on twitter.

[wingardium-fic]

your heart's got teeth

E, 6.8k

The last thing Alina expected after returning to Forks was to find solace in her ex-boyfriend’s surrogate father. But she supposes stranger things have happened.

or: Alina is Bella, Aleksandr is hot vampire daddy Carlisle

happy halloween!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34845322/chapters/86766325

[waterlilyvioletfog]

No one prepared me for Tenzing Tharkay striding across the fields like 2005 Mr. Darcy to say sup i’ve got a mansion now. Uhhh Temeraire you wanna come to my house and join Parliament? Oh and Laurence can come too. I suppose. If he likes. Like i don’t know man, seeing you cured his amnesia and he sacrificed his own scruples enough to ask Napoleon for your pardon and now you’re inviting him to hang out with his hot rich badass best friend on a remote estate forever— i don’t know if he’ll agree! (OF COURSE HE’LL AGREE)

[maebird-melody]

Laurence really over here indebting himself even further to the Emperor of France just to save Tharkay’s life. This isn't even about the war anymore. This bond transcends all other obligations on both Laurence's duty and honor. Tharkay like “my life isn’t worth that” and then Laurence saying “it is to me” I'm not okay

[crownomancer]

“I quite look forward to figuring as a tyrant in the imagination of my tenantry.”

-

Heavily referenced from these vintage ads. I had so much fun challenging myself with this.

[walkthebass]

I'm sorry, I'm still not over Tenzing "The 'journey' tempts me" Tharkay's complete and utter lack of subtlety. Mr. "Oh, I just thought this lot of previously hostile feral dragons from 1300 miles away might be useful." Mr. "The entire city is collapsing into chaos and flame; just stopping by to rescue you from certain death with a smooth one-liner." Mr. "Nothing interesting on, thought I might lock myself on a boat with you for eight months and go to Australia." To say nothing of the whole "move in with me" debacle. Yeah, completely normal behavior. Just ask Laurence on a date. You're embarrassing yourself.

[glowspider]

[kaarchin]

Reading Temeraire is so funny.

The well and proper Captain Laurence: Once again I am at a Crossroad in my Life. Where I am lacking a Purpose and a Place in respectable Society. Whatever shall I do?

Tenzing Tharkay stepping out of the shadows: Have you considered running away with me?

[transcarcinization]

contender for coldest line of the whole series

[omegas-reincarnation]

Laurence: I am an extremely law-abiding and naturally obedient person who would never challenge authority except in the most extreme and desperate circumstances. Tragically, these have occured every single day of my life.

[captainjonnitkessler]

The reason Laurence assumed that gay sex only happens when there aren't women around to be an alternative is because he has never once considered that anyone might be attracted exclusively to the opposite sex. He just assumes that everyone is attracted to both sexes and that same-sex relationships are illegal because of the same arbitrary etiquette rules that dictate everything else about his life

[chucktaylorupset]

laurence: they simply had to outlaw certain relations or men would never come home to have children. why, i'd have eloped with the carpenters apprentice i had a certain understanding with on my second ship

admiral roland: instead of where you are now. living on tharkays estate and the both of you unmarried, tharkay remarkably tolerant, and you, even more remarkably unstrangled

[chimaerakitten]

Every time something from HMD comes up I wonder about Dayes and whether Granby was actually friends-friends with him or just cordial comrades by way of being first and second lieutenant on the same dragon. Would they have stayed in contact at all after the first book? Like, nobody ever tells Granby the whole of what happened with Dayes, so Granby going all ride or die for Laurence wouldn’t necessarily make him end the existing friendship, if there was one.

[chimaerakitten]

Close your player character:

You’re Jane Roland, hosting a dinner party under duress to try and make aviators look more respectable now that there’s no more war going on. The dragon population is about to explode because of captured French eggs and as such you’ve invited all the aviators who’ve been stuck at first lieutenant status for years due to lack of eggs, in the hopes of sizing up which ones actually deserve promotion. In addition to that group, there are a number of very horrible very stuffy important people in attendance, and also your ex-booty call and all his friends, who will at least be entertaining and willing to back you up against the navy admiralty who are unfortunately also present. Things seem to be going well, or at least as well as can be expected, right up until one of the aviator captains punches one of the promotion prospects in the face.

Or

You’re Will Laurence. Retired. Here at this dinner party as a favor to Jane. You want to be anywhere else because you haven’t enjoyed a dinner party even once in the last decade. You swear you used to enjoy these. Sitting next to you is the very first personal enemy you ever made in the corps. but it's been over ten years, so it should be fine, right? You've Been Through It since you last saw this guy, and besides, your friends are all here too. It's fine.

Or

You're Lieutenant Dayes, and you have been a first Lieutenant for the last ten years of brutal, grueling war, and as much as your near-guaranteed upcoming promotion has taken the edge off, you still can't help but see red when forced to interact with the man responsible.

Or

You’re John Granby, suffering through a formal dinner party your upbringing has really not equipped you for, and to cap it off you don't have eyes on Iskierka and won't for at least several hours. She could do anything in that time. On the plus side, your best friend and your boyfriend are both here, and it's a chance to catch up with old comrades whom you haven't seen in years at the perfect time for them to let go of their you-got-a-dragon-and-I-didn't resentment, because most of them are up for promotion very very soon. You've been reviving old relationships left and right, and you turn to get started on one more just in time to hear said old comrade tell your best friend (who you have a possibly unhealthy level of devotion to) that he "should never have been allowed to keep that dragon. From Navy clodpole to traitor dog, you've done nothing but ruin men and beasts. The corps went to the devil when you were pardoned."

Or

You're Tenzing Tharkay, and suffering through all of the microagressions of the first half of the night is suddenly worth it just for the chance to see Granby vault a table and knock two of a man's teeth out.

[darlingofdots]

Laurence, wrapping some ice in a napkin and holding it to Granby's split knuckles, disapproving: I thought I told you to have a care for the other arm

Little: You did, I was there

Granby, feeling unfairly ganged up on: As if you wouldn't have challenged him to pistols at dawn if Roland hadn't made you swear not to

Tharkay: Oh, so that's how you get him to agree to be sensible? Excuse me, gentlemen, I need to speak to the Admiral

[songbird-is-crying]

i think peak historical fiction is when there is a random ass major historical figure but as a comedic relief side character. like geoffrey chaucer being a naked gambling addict in a knight’s tale or leonardo da vinci being cinderella’s fairy godmother in ever after. like. nothing can top that.

[johnconstantinesdick]

I’m thinking about my Big Three kid swap au (Nico is the prophecy child, Percy is a willow tree, and Thalia is caught in the Lotus Casino) again and specifically Percy is so funny to me. Turns into a tree when he has a found family daughter and almost-boyfriend and wakes up as a a single mother divorcee.

Percy is consistently bringing unhinged domestic spat energy to every confrontation. It’s a full on soap opera. The gods love it. Luke’s troops keep losing respect for him.

Percy kept aging while he was a tree (since we can’t have him join the Hunt) and everyone agrees he’s not the Prophecy Child because he’s fully twenty-something already. So he has no other obligations except conspiring with Annabeth to drag Luke kicking and screaming back home.

Percy keeps referring obliquely to “the divorce” which is very funny but confuses everyone around him. Multiple times he distracts monsters or Titan army demigods by complaining about his “failing marriage” and how “taking care of a kid alone is so hard, you know? I’m not even getting child support!”. Everyone comes out of the conversation sympathetic to the poor guy. Every once in a while Percy adds new lore to see the way Luke’s eye twitches. Luke is not coping well with the judgmental looks, side-eyes, and earnest advice about how to save a marriage. Annabeth keeps getting kidnapped by Luke’s cronies because they very earnestly believe she should get to spend some more time with her other dad.

Every Saturday there’s a truce where all three of them tensely eat cookies in Sally Jackson’s living room. No one has the guts to tell her they’re on opposite sides of a war. Luke tries to turn the tables one (1) time and ask her how she would feel about Percy getting married. Sally’s answer is so heartfelt and genuinely happy that Luke cries alone in his golden sarcophagus later and he never brings it up again. Percy’s smug look goes entirely unnoticed except by Annabeth.

[johnconstantinesdick]

Canon Nico’s crush on Percy is replaced by Thalia’s intense goth gender envy towards Nico. If you care.

[johnconstantinesdick]

Can’t make a joke about Jane and Tharkay sharing custody of their boyfriend because they don’t even have custody of him. His dragon does.

[istadris]

Related to my other post about Laurence ready to fight with half of the Corps, it's so funny how in return everyone assumed the worst of this stuck-up Navy jerk only to be smacked in the face with the reality of William Fucking Laurence

Granby : I have never met the Guy before but I will hate him on principle until the end of my life.

Laurence : hello, I'm here to upheaval your entire life.

-

Celeritas : are you asking the day off because (like Rankin) you think being a captain means enjoying life while your dragon does the work ??

Laurence : no??? I'm just double checking with you if it's okay to go buy a mega expensive gift for Temeraire since I won't have time for it when actual training starts ?

Celeritas : oh... so you don't think we're mindless animals overcome wit rut (like Rankin does)?

Laurence : I was just asking advice about Temeraire's puberty ! I never had a dragon before! I'm learning everything as I go!!

-

Harcourt : that's Captain Harcourt to you. Great, another of these guys who will microagression me all day and make me fight just to be respected...

Laurence : oooookay I just had my entire worldview of gender roles turned upside down and I'm still Very Confused about it but I understand that your gender is Fellow Officier and your prefered pronouns are Captain and Harcourt, so from now on that's how I'll address you because my mother didn't raise a rude jerk.

-

Berkley : are you the fucker implying I'm mistreating my Maximus ??

Laurence : why, is pampering your dragon too hard for you?

Berkley : ...oh shit, he actually understood the assignment!

-

Jane : this upstart Navy macho thinks he can abuse his authority to keep me from my daughter and deprive her of having fun while the rest of the boys do aa they want? Don't worry Emily dear, mama is on the war path.

Laurence : oh. Oooooh I get it now, so she wanted to spend time with her mom - that is, you! I'm so deeply sorry ma'– *captain*, sorry, still getting used to it–look, I just didn't want to let a ten years old kid wander streets alone!

-

Hollin : uuuuuuurgh, as if I didn't have enough work with that behemoth of an Imperial, his neat freak captain asks me to clean another dragon's harness. It's not like he minds!

Laurence : he minds very much and god help me I will make sure poor Levitas is loved as he deserves.

Hollin, two weeks later, crying : you're right and I would die for Levi

-

Laurence's crew : that Navy guy thinks he's better than us just because he packs neatly, has a neckcloth and an entire ship mast up his ass.

Laurence :  No one else has seen this deadly tear in the harness mid-flight which means it's my duty to risk my life to save my entire crew.

-

Rankin : finally a fellow nobleborn with proper manners and isn't obsessed by these dumb beasts :) I'm sure we'll be great friends :) :)

Rankin : what is "boss battle music" and why am I hearing it right now

[raincoatducklingart]

[the-anchorless-moon]

Temeraire fandom is really sleeping on the potential of dragon lifespans being ~200 years. Temeraire would be 200 years old in 2005. That bitch could easily live to have a favorite Star Trek series. He knows about Miley Cyrus