Been a while and I want to say my piece.
Maybe it's because I've had a rough week and a half or maybe it's because I have been thinking about everything lately, I am going to say my piece and be done with it. No one except other CF'ers understand what I go through every day. Every day is different. I could feel fine one week and the next it feels like my chest is about to explode. That has been my case for the last week because of the humidity from the week prior. One day I feel like I could go on a walk all day and the next I am out of breath just showering. I cannot bounce back like I used to and that puts a damper on things but I do what I can. Having family, friends and a boyfriend for support helps a lot, really, but they don't really understand. I am sure other CF’ers can relate to what I am saying. I am sure someone else is tired like me right now. I honestly wish I could just put a vacuum in my lungs and suck some of this crap out. I wish I wasn’t so selfish, but I think that is allowed on some levels when you have a chronic illness. I wish I didn’t have to think about my disease every day. I wish that I didn’t have to plan events around my treatments. I wish I could have sex without having a coughing fit during or right after and I wish my future wasn’t so unclear.
But what I don’t wish...
I don’t want wish to be rid of the disease. It has helped mold me in to who I am. I am a lot stronger because of it. I don’t wish to be pitied. I don’t wish to be coddled.
I’m not usually a downer. I promise. It has been a long time since I have posted anything but today I really felt the need to say what has been on my mind lately.
