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@wintergurls
Airport conversations are the best
— Sam! How are you, man? I haven’t seen you in ages. — Marcus! I’m good, keeping myself busy. How are you? How are the kids? — They’re great. They’re with Susan now. I’m actually coming from there myself. She… they moved. — Ah, that’s tough. — Yeah. California. Where are you headed? — Me? Spain. I know, living the dream. I have some stuff I have to take care of. — You finally landed that…
Rainy day
He was in his mid-thirties, maybe early forties. Dark hair, thin face, glasses. Corporate. A dark navy-greyish suit. He reminded me of the dad from Cow and Chicken. He had a laptop open in front of him and the look of a man who wanted to get up and leave but had decided, firmly, not to.He was either anxious or too excited. It was hard to tell. He looked like he was waiting for something to…
I miss summer
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anne lamott, bird by bird
writers be like "I'm going to work on my WIP." my brother in christ, you've already opened tumblr
friends romans and countrymen alike i have one hell of a story for you.
this morning i was scrolling through the silly little reels on my instagram for you page, as one does, and about a good 45 minutes into this i got recommended a candle company that puts (supposedly) real diamonds in their candles.
and in my still somewhat half asleep glory i thought "this sounds absolutely ridiculous, what do i have to lose" and clicked on the website.
upon clicking on said website i was given a 10% off code that i had to use within 15 minutes so basically my mind was already made up and i decided to text brad.
so with what was probably brads approval i scrolled through the silly little website as fast as i could and decided to stick to the more classic scents since i didnt want to be stuck with something that smelled bad (although "wap" and "i hate my boss" did intrigue me briefly) and i went with "tobacco bourbon" because thats always a decent combo.
and then in a last minute decision i decided to also get "chai tea" because it sounded interesting and who knows maybe the diamonds are real.
the court should note that i did absolutely zero research on this company.
and with my 10% off on top of whatever massive sale they were having the total plus shipping came to $63.86.
brad was also very excited about this purchase and said that if the diamonds were real he may put them in my engagement ring.
so now all thats left is to wait 2-5 business days for my candles to get delivered. i have absolutely zero expectations. stay tuned.
an update
it has been a grand total of 7 days since i ordered said candles. my credit card charge has changed from pending to processed, so i assume that it has been shipped. i do not think they have arrived, however i do have 2 packages at the post office i have to go pick up
we have confirmation that the candles have been delivered and i will try to go and pick them up today
candles have been retrieved
they were shipped in this very nondescript box with branded tape
it is 97 degrees today so i hope they are not melted
alright so. the candles have not exploded. more detailed update later after homework.
update
*for legal reasons, these candles were never in my dorm room or were burned in my dorm room*
@undercover-vampire and i unboxed the candles
the tobacco bourbon candle smelled very good actually but the chai one smelled like a craft store from september-december, which is to say, very strongly of artificial cinnamon
the candles are pretty large, about 3 inches across and 4 inches high and are in good quality glass jars
the chai one had melted a little in transit because there was melted (and still melted) wax all over the outside of the jar. but it’s been ridiculously hot so i wouldn’t put that on the company.
the tobacco candle (on bottom) had a very off center wick (tho both were off centered). this happens sometimes with hand poured candles, but it was still odd
each candle comes with this scratch off code thing that links to a certificate of the diamond inside, which is cool
i decided to put the chai candle in the freezer and freeze the wax out of it because i hated the smell and burn the tobacco one.
more updates to come
update
i burned the tobacco bourbon candle for around 10 hours and it has a very clean burn, no exploding, but it did pop a little bit ( that was my fault tho cause i didn’t trim the wick ) and if the wick wasn’t off center it would be a 10/10 candle. no sign of the diamond yet
the chai tea candle was in the freezer for about 24 hours and i was able to tap the bottom of it twice and the candle popped out of the glass and revealed the wrapped diamond
i attacked the wax with a pair of scissors for a few minutes to get the vial out
and then i washed off the vial cause it was covered in wax
the diamond is in that little plastic bag. and yes, it is a little diamond.
i scratched off the code on the side of the candle to get the certificate
so if the diamond is real it’s a .03 carat vs1 diamond worth about 26 dollars, i paid 29.99 for the candle
update
i have been burning the tobacco bourbon candle for three days at minimum 5 hours per day. the candle claims to be 100% soy wax, but brad is very sensitive to paraffin and other artificial waxes and started coughing pretty badly every time he was in my room for an extended period of time. we deduced that it was caused by the candle not being 100% soy wax.
he is upset that i “tried to poison him” (which is understandable and i put on my diffuser and humidifier with air cleaning solution and opened the window and gave him cough syrup so he’s definitely fine, but still holding my questionable candle purchasing over me head and rightfully so). so if you’re sensitive to artificial wax i don’t recommend this
we have decided that i will keep burning the candle for the experiment, but for shorter periods while he is not here with the window open and the air cleaning thing on
update
it has been 2 days and brad is still coughing from the candle (and no its not the plague he took three covid tests and they were all negative)
also the package does not say 100% soy wax it says premium soy wax (which is definitely a lie. brad has several soy wax candles and does not have a reaction to them. this one is definitely made of paraffin or something else synthetic because apparently he gets severe reactions to that kind of wax) (also i would not have bought the candle if it said it was made from synthetic wax)
after listening to brad cough for what is now probably 4-5 days and having scoured a sketchy gas station for cough drops, i have decided it would be a bad idea to continue burning the candle. but i would not abandon my diamond experiment so quickly. so i texted the one person i know that has little regard for their general health and safety: @undercover-vampire
and so it was decided. katya will take the candle and when diamond appears i will get them something slutty in return. you see kids, this is why you accidently get your tumblr mutuals to come to your college.
updates to come.
and an important update from the one and only brad himself @dear-brads-blog
update
we went to brads house this weekend and his mom was upset by the fact that he is coughing, tho she didnt necessarily think it was from a candle. she did give him about 65 remedies tho, including tea, gargling with salt water and nyquill. he is still coughing and in his stubborn glory refuses to do anything more about it.
@undercover-vampire is coming to get the candle tonight to finish burning it
i have still been airing out my room because being in my room makes brad cough more
i emailed the company's customer service
i could have made it a lot more detailed, but didnt want to come off as a karen or anything. we will see what they say.
update
brad went to the health center on campus and they tested him for covid, strep, bronchitis and mono and it was none of those things. they think its a viral infection from the candle and he could be fucked for up to 2 more weeks. if it gets worse then hes really fucked. we do not want him to be really fucked.
at the end of my night class i convinced my friend to take me to target, except my professor held me 25 minutes late because he has terrible time management and we had to target speedrun before they closed. I was so stressed that i left my phone in my friends car when we went in but i got brad all kinds of stuff to make the cough not as coughy (because he is too stubborn to do it himself). and, fellow romans, my friend was mildly (or perhaps severely) concerned about me cause i was mid break down looking frantically for lemon juice, and saying that this was the only time ive ever gone to target and not looked at the price of anything. then i got carded for buying vicks spray and almost accidentally stole some lemons.
@undercover-vampire came to my room to get rid of the accursed candle and said that if they start to die from it then we will be forced to freeze the wax out. this seems like a very good compromise.
i gave brad his stuff and he only insisted we return 4 of the things (which is decent) and he nearly cried over the soup i got him. this candle has put me through the 5 stages of grief.
then i vaccumed the entire box of baking soda that i had sprinkled off my carpet and swiffered and febreezed the fuck out my room. its really good that it worked cause my carpet looked like i had dumped crack all over it and i dont want to have to do that again.
and it paid off cause brad came in and sniffed my room and didnt immediately die of coughs
more updates to come
update
brad is still very much dying. if he was in victorian times he would have two feet in the grave.
@undercover-vampire has lit the demon candle
this was then followed by:
in addition, brad emailed all of his professors and res life the following email:
updates to come
and another update from brad himself @dear-brads-blog
the way to a himbos heart is with soup aparently
may the universe be softer and kinder to us this september
I hate that as Indigenous people, we have to slowly explain the concept of LandBack to basically every colonizer.
Like no we're not going to just throw you out, or put you in camps, or any of that shit. We just want to be able to take care of our ancestral land and be the ones in charge of protecting it.
Like I know these people were raised with a colonial mindset but after a while I just start to lose sympathy.
Like oh you're worried about having your home violently ripped out from under you?? What a fucking tragedy.
I wasn't gonna add to this, but like, no, I wanna add to this.
What will change for you, Whitey McWhiterson, if LandBack takes place?
Not a whole fucking lot.
You might be incentivized to switch to less-polluting modes of transportation, such as biking. Gas might be discouraged.
The environment might be prioritized.
You might become a citizen of, say, Mi'kma'ki instead of the USA.
Your kids might be taught an Indigenous language in schools.
History class would be a lot more up front.
But your day to day life? Very little will change. You're not gonna be kicked out if your house. You're not gonna be rounded up and put into a camp. You might be required to have the minimum basic decency towards the environment. It will be the Sovreign Peoples running the show.
But you, Joe Shmoe, will be left alone to live your life.
Which is more than we can say your people did for us.
Even if I was to look at it in a completely self centered way and set aside all the numerous correct moral arguments for Land Back: as a settler who isn't rich or powerful, what do we even have to lose? I don't own anything! I don't own land or a house, am I really going to get bent out of shape about trying to get the land back to its people —who, btw, stewarded it a thousand times better than the ghouls in charge now? Like I already have nothing under the current system, why wouldn't I fight for a better world when it's not like I have a stake in this one? If you, as a white prole, are worried about Land Back, it's entirely the white supremacy talking, much like people who defend capitalism without owning capital.
Worst thing ever in the whole world is when a thunderstorm is forecasted and then it doesn’t storm. literally so rude I was excited for this all day.
Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.
“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”
— Unknown
One of the most important things I learned in my Language and the Law class is that law enforcement will intentionally misinterpret every type of statement asking for a lawyer as not asking for a lawyer. Even directly saying it like this “I will not speak to you without a lawyer” can be taken as a simple statement of fact rather than a request for a lawyer. You literally have to state “I am now invoking my right to a lawyer” and every time they try to proceed with an interrogation you have to answer every question with “I am invoking my right to have a lawyer present”. You can’t just tell them you won’t talk without a lawyer or that you want a lawyer. You have to state that you are invoking your rights. Otherwise they could just say “well they just said they wouldn’t speak without a lawyer present. That’s not invoking their rights to a lawyer. It’s just stating a fact.” even just stating your right to a lawyer doesn’t count!
PLEASE share this addition. I am a lawyer who works in criminal defense, and this is one of the most avoidable things that people consistently get wrong about the Miranda rights.
Here are some more “ambiguous” phrases which courts have found DO NOT invoke your right to a lawyer:
“Maybe I should speak to my lawyer first.”
“I might like a lawyer.”
“I think I should have a lawyer present for this.”
“Could I speak to my lawyer first?”
“How long until my lawyer gets here?”
And perhaps most egregiously – “Get me a lawyer, dawg – ‘cause this is not what’s up.”
Here are the magic phrases which you need to know if you want to invoke your Miranda rights:
1) “Am I free to leave?”
It’s worth asking this even if the answer is obvious. Even if the officer does not let you leave, by forcing them to admit that you are not free to leave, you are creating a record which your attorney can use to prove that you were in custody. Miranda rights only apply if the interrogation is custodial, meaning that police officers will frequently claim that their suspects were “not in custody” to get around their Miranda rights.
2) “I am invoking my right to remain silent.”
Simply staying silent will not invoke your right to remain silent. As absurd as this is, you must explicitly say that you are invoking your right to remain silent in order to invoke that right.
3) “I am invoking my right to an attorney.”
As stated above, you must be not only clear and unambiguous, but clear and legally unambiguous. Don’t get cute. Don’t get sassy. And on the flip side, don’t get intimidated and use verbal ticks to minimize your request. Say the line with those words exactly – say it clearly, and say it once, and then say nothing else.
Because even after you’ve done all this, the police can still try to get you to talk. They’re not supposed to interrogate you, but they’re allowed to make casual conversation, and if that conversation just happens to circle back around to the thing they wanted to question you about, well, that’s really your fault for talking after you said you wouldn’t, isn’t it? Can’t possibly fault the poor officers when you initiated – if you really wanted to have your rights respected, you wouldn’t have talked to them in the first place.
The police know this, and they will mercilessly exploit this loophole. So, once you’ve successfully invoked your Miranda rights, any and all conversation you have with police officers will put those rights back into jeopardy.
Putting it all together:
Ask: “Am I free to leave?”
If they say no, say: “I am invoking my right to remain silent and I am invoking my right to an attorney.”
And then shut up and do not say a single thing to them for any reason whatsoever until you have actually spoken to an attorney. Yes, even if it takes hours. Yes, even if they start talking to you about something else.
Finally, a very important disclaimer:
I may be a lawyer, but I’m not your lawyer, and I cannot guarantee that what I’ve just laid out here will always work for every situation. We didn’t get to this bizarre and absurd place overnight – we built this ridiculous system piecemeal, by deciding on a case-by-case basis that certain phrases were “too ambiguous” or certain types of questioning weren’t actually questioning at all. The law is still in flux, and is still fundamentally out to get you, and willing to bend plain meaning beyond all recognition to do it. Even if you invoke your rights perfectly, exactly as I have specified above, there’s a chance that your invocation of rights will be disqualified on some new technicality that no one’s even thought of yet – and that’s precisely the problem.
Watch this video: “Don’t Talk To The Police”
I am begging my followers to please watch this video from start to finish. I know it’s long, but it is incredibly valuable information that everyone needs to know, especially if you’re involved in any form of activism.
Every single cop lies. Every single cop lies and manipulates and twists the situation around to get a confession. Even when they know that the person is innocent, even when they know that what they have isn’t enough to convict someone, even when they know that that confession has been made under duress or manipulation. All they care about is getting anything to put someone behind bars.
It doesn’t matter how eloquent or innocent or experienced you are. Do not talk to cops.
The video is a doozy. Aside from all the good advice, the racist dog whistling from the officer really jumps out. In fact, his whole segment was pretty effective to drive home the point that officers are literally trained to manipulate you and fuck you over. He does say he doesn’t “try” to put innocent people in prison, but he never says he tries to keep them out either. He also explicitly states that he destroys material that could be helpful to you.
In short, DO NOT TALK TO COPS.
to girls who fear looking in the mirror, to girls who fix their hair every 3 minutes, even when no one is watching. To girls who grew up too fast and break down in the grocery store aisle, to little girls who had to shed the skin of innocence, i wish you the softest nights.
and I pretend my left hand is not my hand and touch my forehead and I pretend my lips are not my lips and kiss the back of my left hand and I stand under the shower for a little too long and play music I barely listen. This loneliness haunts my bones and all I can do is pretend.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
