titsay
ojovivo
$LAYYYTER
Today's Document
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
sheepfilms
Product Placement
h
todays bird
we're not kids anymore.
hello vonnie
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Peter Solarz
NASA
will byers stan first human second
roma★
Sweet Seals For You, Always
izzy's playlists!
Keni
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Denmark
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from Malaysia
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Norway
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Malaysia
seen from India
seen from United States
@juliuscaesarofficial
i will be moving to @shortrapport on here as i cannot talk to like anyone on this site anymore because of this little walled garden scenario staff has imposed upon me (ie i've been shadowbanned)
this will be over time because i follow like 1000 people and i do want the mutuals etc aware. but if you want to get set up for that that's where i'll be
A non-writer asked me "but where do you get your ideas" and i genuinely did not know how to explain that it's not a place. it's not a website. it's not a folder. it's that i was on the bus and a woman was holding a paper bag very carefully and something about the way she held it made me need to know what was inside and then i needed to know why she was sad about it and then there was a whole person and then there was a whole story and the bus had already stopped and i missed my stop. that's where.
must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason
can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do
as a regular donor to Gaza Soup Kitchen I get their email updates, and they said today that while they've continued to be able to expand, donations are slowing down as Gaza gets less coverage. If you have a few dollars to spare, I encourage you to send them here to continue the amazing work that Hani and his team are doing.
I will regret this and shouldn't make wheels at 2am but
This tumblr sexyman is your son!
Are you proud of him
yes!
somewhat
I shouldn't be but yes
No
NO.
I'm disowning him
I am scared of him
Results
(sorry if your favourite is not in this poll, I went mostly off the contenders from this year's poll and the classics)
free the nipple has to make a resurgence for a number of reasons but bro look at our upcoming eternity of wet bulb temps youre smoking straight up cock if you think im keeping a shirt on when it hits 105° in new england
everyone tits out with a parasol is such a beautiful world to imagine that the fact it doesnt currently exist fills me with equal parts fire and misery
idk who needs to hear this but if you have been putting something off bc it doesn't need to be done until the end of the month. we are almost done with the teens we are approaching the big numbers (the twenties). that date shall dawn upon you swiftly and without mercy before you know it. psa for everyone except me i got plany off time
Blue Starry Bull Oil on linen 16"x20"
This sketch is incredible. Perfect moment to capture. 10/10 for the artist.
Link to post
A hearing in Luigi Mangione’s state murder case in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was postponed until Wednesday after pr
are bots making communities now??? some of the ones i get recommended feel like it
like the admin of this one is deactivated and at least 95% of the members are bots
can you imagine you wake up one day in a dark room chained to a radiator with your phone at 1% and you unlock it and find that you've been added to this community
The first thing you do in that situation is open Tumblr?
Where the hell else would I post about being chained to a radiator, fucking Bluesky?
Arizona Secretary of State Adrian Fontes appeared at a congressional forum in Washington, D.C., to talk about security concerns ahead of the
Arizona Secretary of State Adrian Fontes appeared at a congressional forum in Washington, D.C., to talk about security concerns ahead of the nation’s upcoming elections.
Fontes told the Senate Democrats who hosted the meeting that local and state election officials used to have a close working relationship with the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, or CISA, a federal agency created during President Donald Trump’s first term to help states deal with election security threats.
“It was not that long ago that I had the director of CISA's personal cellphone number in my phone. That's the kind of relationship that we had with our partners,” Fontes said.
But he says that’s not the case anymore.
Fontes’ comments come as many state officials told NPR they are not receiving the same level of support from CISA.
Rather than helping, Fontes accused the Trump administration of exacerbating the issues facing election officials.
“Now we have a threat from the executive branch itself, and that is in the fomenting of this misinformation and lies and erosion of confidence,” he said.
Even in a post-capitalist, post-consumerist world, you still need to produce goods, as a result of this, you need factories because it is more effective to have a few people making a lot of clothes in a factory than every woman being forced to sit down and spin wool all day.
The issue with factories is poor wages, unsafe working conditions and environmental impact, all of which can be fixed through things like regulatory bodies and unions, the issue is not the fact that goods are no longer all made at home
thinking about the time a former housemate said to me "hey I put these box fans in the living room because it's hot" while gesturing to the fans that I was actively sitting in front of because it was hot. and I said "okay thanks." and she kept standing there like she was waiting for something else so I said "am I blocking the airflow? do you need me to move?" and she said no I'm just letting you know they're here, in the living room, for circulation. and I said well yes, I did put that together. I am enjoying them. thank you. and she looked confused. so I asked "am I meant to do something with this information or are you just informing me?" and she said no I'm letting you know they're here because It's Hot In Here. she seemed a bit aggravated, and her emphasis seemed deliberate.
it took me asking three more times before she finally told me she wanted me to leave the fans where they are instead of moving them to my room or something. and I said oh! I had no intention of doing so but thank you for letting me know what the expectation is.
about a month later she brought up that conversation as the moment it actually clicked for her that I Am Autistic And Will Not Magically Intuit The Unspoken Request You Didn't Ask Me.
I have observed enough allistic communication to know that generally, if somebody points something out to you that you can already see or are already clearly interacting with, they are making an indirect request. but as I don't know what the request is, the only way forward is for me to guess (and likely get it wrong), or prompt the allistic to tell me clearly what they need.
however, allistics don't realize they do this, so asking them to say the unspoken surprises and confuses them. this is not their fault. allistics can be quite emotionally fragile and perceive directness as confrontation, so they habitually rely on indirect speech and coded language to preserve others' feelings. this is why they may find it difficult to be direct, even when asked. I have found that with enough gentle encouragement and reassurance that they are actually helping you, you too can achieve successful communication with your allistic friend or loved one. :)
I've seen more than a few replies saying "I'm not autistic and I wouldn't have gotten that either / your roommate's an outlier / nobody could have gotten that." fair enough, it was a pretty specific situation and it seems she genuinely didn't communicate well. as I often run into issues with indirectness, it scanned to me like all the other times I haven't been able to read between the lines. so let me give a few more examples of this phenomenon that may be more common:
"You left your dish in the sink." > the hidden request is "please clean your dish, preferably right now." since it's phrased as an observation, I don't immediately intuit the request and instead think my housemate thinks I forgot about it. so I reply "oh, I know." housemate thinks i'm sassing her and gets annoyed with me. only then do I realize she was asking me to do something about the dish in the sink.
"There's hot soup on the stove." > said to me while I was preparing a sandwich. the hidden request is "please eat the soup." since it's phrased as a statement of fact, I don't immediately intuit the request and instead think my mom thinks I didn't see the soup. I did see it, but I wanted a sandwich instead. so I reply, "I saw it, thank you." mother thinks I'm being rude and gets annoyed with me. only then do I realize she was asking me to do something about the soup (and furthermore is offended I am eating a sandwich instead).
"Your bread is on the counter." > the hidden request is "please remove your sliced bread from the counter and store it elsewhere." since it's phrased as an observation, I don't immediately intuit the request and think my roommate thinks I meant to store the bread elsewhere and forgot. when I reassure her I know it's there, she gets annoyed. only then do I realize she wants me to do something about the bread on the counter.
"You can turn up the heat, you know." > said to me while I was scrambling eggs slowly over low heat. this one really confused me because of course I knew I could turn up the heat, but I had no reason to as I was only cooking for myself. when I ignored the statement because I was focused on my task and had nothing to say, my mother added, "the eggs will cook faster if you do." sure, I'm aware of this too, but I don't want to cook them faster. I won't get the texture I want. when I reply, "I don't want to, though," mom thinks I'm being rude and gets irritated, then asks me how long I'm going to take. only then do I realize she was telling me to cook faster (because she wanted the stove), instead of simply informing me I could.
"There are donuts in the break room." > a more benign example, but similar outcome. once again I hear this as a piece of information being given to me, and thank my coworker for telling me. when I don't immediately leave my desk to get donuts because I'm finishing a task, my coworker hovers and says, "well? aren't you getting some?" only then do I realize there was actually a hidden invitation, and I was supposed to respond to the hidden part and say, "I'll come get them in a minute," or "no thank you I don't want any."
as I said, I've learned over time this is something many allistic (non-autistic) people do (as well as high masking autistic folks who have learned the social rules and wear themselves out following them rigidly). despite what I've learned, my default autistic response is pretty much always to take the words at face value (especially when I'm distracted or multitasking), before remembering I have to translate them. and while I can make a decent educated guess in most cases, sometimes I just cannot and simply ask, "what are you asking me?"
unfortunately, many allistic people suffer from an inability to take words literally just as much as they struggle to speak literally, which can further obfuscate communication. this is why I emphasize gentle reassurance that you are not criticizing them, but asking them to help you, a person in need, by clarifying their intent. people generally like to be helpful and I have had moderate success with this approach.
ONE MORE THING: I have a bias! this is very US-centric, as that's where I live. some cultures around the world are extremely direct, so autistic people in those cultures may not have the specific issue I describe here. however, every culture has its own set of social norms that include a complex combination of nonverbal visual cues, body language, tone/emphasis, and countless other unspoken expectations for what's considered polite or "normal." the double empathy problem doesn't evaporate in cultures that value direct speech. autistic people just face different problems. thank you and be good to each other
Even More examples of statements that allists in indirect cultures think are direct, pulled from the comments and my own experience (and in my case, missed until well after the fact):
"I'm putting the kettle on." (not just announcing what they're doing, they're expecting you to affirm whether you want tea or not.)
"Boy the trash is full." (not just voicing an observation, they're expecting you to take the trash out.)
"If you leave your window open, bugs will get in." (not just giving you information to decide what to do with, they're expecting you to close the window.)
Any variation of "do you want to do [unpleasant task]?" (you aren't actually supposed to say yes or no, they aren't asking your opinion, they're telling you to do it and saying you don't want to is rude.)
"Let me show you how to do something." (they want you to do it this way, they aren't just sharing an insight that you can choose to incorporate into your habits or not)
"Mm that food smells good." (might be complimenting your cooking, might be hoping you'll offer them some.)
"What are you watching/playing?" (might be curious about your interests, but might also want you to invite them to join.)
"Company's arriving in 15 minutes." (this one was from a mom to her kids and she wasn't just giving them a heads up, she was telling them to clean up.)
"Sorry my desk is such a mess." (APPARENTLY this was NOT a comment on her own desk but implying her COWORKER'S desk was messy and she wanted them to clean it??? sorry to the commenter who shared this one but that sounds genuinely deranged and you can't convince me this is common even for the most indirect allists out there)
to everyone saying this is simply a direct vs indirect culture issue, yes you can have communication breakdowns between people with differing degrees of directness, regardless of their neurodiversity status. what I am trying to illustrate is that autistic people in indirect cultures will miss these indirect cues at much higher rates than others, because we do not pick up on social norms at the same rate or proficiency as everyone else, because of our autism. essentially making us "direct-culture" people by default. some autistic folks do learn and practice those norms (some of us are literally traumatized into doing so), but it's something we often must remind ourselves to do, manually, and it can take a lot of extra effort. this is why high maskers end up in burn-out if they cannot learn to unmask btw.
(thank you also to everyone weighing in from around the world! I do hear Germany and Finland are more direct cultures so "taking things too literally" may not be as much of an issue there. this highlights the inherent bias of the DSM-V which assumes US cultural norms when evaluating for autism. another post for another day.)
