SEMI-HIATUS.

indie bucky barnes rp. written by seth. under very heavy construction.

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ok but everyone should reblog this and tag the mun and muse’s pokemon go teams

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@outfcrblood replied to your post:@outfcrblood replied to your post:I’m (almost)...

you take your time !! tip tho: 1366X666 is the preferred size for your bg image. it fits better ^^

thank you!! i never know bg sizes so you’re a real hero omg

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@outfcrblood replied to your post:I’m (almost) back!

amysthemes.tumblr.com/p… THIS IS MY FAVE

thank you!! i’ll probably use this omg

so with this update it’s still gonna take probably 2-3 days or more to get up and running bc editing a bg is Not my area of expertise but!!! i’m excited to be back

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I’m (almost) back!

my hiatus is OVER! but I’m not ready to write just yet. i’m going to be getting myself a new theme first, and mixed in with band camp, and taking my kitten to the vet, ii’m going to be very busy. if someone could link me some good themes i’d be happy to take a look, but i’ll try to get some work started tonight!

in other news, i’m dropping my old threads/drafts/asks. I’m going to be getting a fresh start because goddamn did life fuck me over. so again: i’m always up for theme recs! thank you!

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HIATUS EXTENSION

okay, i really didn’t think i would have to do this but my dog was put down and i’ve officially fallen apart. i’m going to be taking a slightly longer break than i planned, because beyond my dog, so much has gone wrong in my life in only a day. i’m going to be back, i swear. thank you so much for your patience. 

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so, my dog is probably dying. she’s hemorrhaging really bad and she’s wandering like she’s lost, but she doesn’t seem to hurt. She’s at least 21 years old, I think, so she’s had a long happy life here. i’m going to officially go on hiatus because of this, and any kind words would be appreciated. I have known this dog since the first week i was alive, it’s really hard to watch this right now. Thank you.

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shitty graphic because i really don’t know how 2 make these lmao 

but!! this is a HUGE milestone for me. bucky is my favorite character of any marvel movie, comic, or any movie, book, comic, ANYTHING in general. bucky is someone i’m glad was created, because he’s such a great character and in a few ways, i relate to him (personality wise, of course lmao). so for over 100 people to follow me is honestly just mind blowing, and i can’t believe i’m here already with the little bit of writing i’ve done on here. thank you all so much!!! now it’s time for me to gush a little bit. 

favorites ever: 

@nctaperfectscldier // @lcnelybcy: asher, you’re not only my datemate and best friend, but you’re my biggest supporter. you help me work out the kinks of any character and you help me make graphics/backgrounds/stuff like that, and honestly, it’s just amazing. i couldn’t ask for a better partner, in every sense of the word. you’re so so so good and i gush about you too much. 

@outfcrblood: rina you’re?? such a good friend. i followed you and saw you said you wanted to follow another bucky, but i never thought i’d be one. i just wanted to send you some encouragement, because i knew you had it in you to make yourself happy. I’m so glad, though, because you put up with my whining and bitching, you write such a good ship with me, and you’re just the sweetest. keep doing you, babe, you’re a gift to this world. 

@likenineyearsold: we’ve talked ooc more than we’ve written together because of my sudden hiatus, and that’s only shown me what a great person you are. we clicked so fast and you’re just so sweet, and it’s so nice. i can’t wait to get more into our threads because i know they’ll be great, but beyond that, i’m glad we talk ooc and that i can call you a friend. 

@cadaverics: you were there for me to listen to me ramble about something that’s been really getting to me, and that means a lot. we haven’t talked much outside of that, but you’ve got one of my favorite characters ever. i follow you on every blog i think, because i not only genuinely enjoy your writing, but you’re such a good person and i hope we get to know each other better. 

@retrcstark: i’m so glad we clicked? we don’t talk a lot out of character lately and i’ve not been active, but just know that i love you so much. you have such great characterization, and i love your blog so much. i’m so glad i met you 

@smokersteeth: we don’t interact or talk ooc a lot but you’re one of the blogs i ALWAYS follow. i love your writing so much and i love your attitude and i wanna talk to you so much more bc you’re so good

@reniisms: gemini ur a gift i s2g. honestly though, you’re so good because you’ve followed my crazy blog hopping and talked to me when i needed it and i love you a lot for it. i hope we only get closer and closer as time goes on. 

@limitaticns: we’ve been plotting for like 86 years because i’m awful, but you’re so patient and sweet and i’m honestly so excited to write with you. i can’t wait for it, and i can’t wait to get to know you better

@stillmeithink: i love you sm??? you’re so good and i love you a lot and i can’t wait to grow as friends and roleplay partners. you’ve been nice & supportive of me from the start and i’m so gad

Now that I’m done gushing, though, I have more people i don’t really talk to/interact with but i’ll always love, because you’re just amazing people. 

The babes: 

@missicnreport, @spiderbit, @instinctsarebad, @allthisdeath, @huxiisms, @spiideroos, @shieldnarrow

i love all of you and thank you so so much for this milestone, it means the WORLD to me <3

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holy shit in this unannounced hiatus, i’ve hit not just 100, but 110 followers! I’m definitely going to be putting up a follow forever by tonight, i love you all! thank you so much for this!!

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okay so i have ZERO icons. i won’t get to drafts JUST YET but i will soon, i promise!!! im SO SORRY its taking so long

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"Please just let me forget."

there’s a BLOOD BOILING RAGE at the words. LET HIM FORGET? THE MAN WHO TOOK ADVANTAGE OF BUCKY’S OWN WIPED MEMORY? the rage is OBVIOUS on his face. the man who ruined EVERYTHING HE HAD WORKED TOWARDS was in front of him, in a little box, one bucky could EASILY break if he wanted to. if he wanted to, he COULD let him forget. he could SAVE HIM of the pain bucky himself went through.

but he doesn’t want to.

when he finally opens his mouth, the words are shaky. he could have JUST AS EASILY spoken russian, like he USED to, but the curl of his lip was all the “used to” he needed.

“let you forget like they made me? let you forget like i still do? i lost EVERYTHING because of you and others like you.” he can’t look up at the male, eyes down at the ground, the little interview table, anything he could besides ZEMO. but he isn’t done speaking.

“i have spent two YEARS trying to remember. trying to GET PAST what was done to me. i made a HOME in romania and you TOOK IT FROM ME. i made a home where i hurt NO ONE and you made me hurt my friend. you weren’t the one to take everything from me, but you’re the reason i have nothing NOW.”

but he still knows. he knows what its like to lose everyone you have, everyone you love. his parents, siblings, steve– he lost it ALL. and so had zemo, who had caused no problems previously. none on such a scale as this. and bucky found a level of COMPASSION he never expected. maybe it was the few months since everything went to hell and back. maybe it was that he was so tired of holding so much ANGER at this point. Maybe it was exhausted from EVERYTHING IN HIS LIFE.

“you lost your family. i lost mine. We’re really not that different,” he muses softly, looking away. “but that doesn’t excuse anything. we don’t get to forget. NEITHER of us do.”

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i’m going to do drafts tomorrow, i swear to god i will. im so sorry im taking so long

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Send me “Codename” and my muse will tell you if you’re:

Been There Done That, Currently Doing That, It Happened Once In A Dream, If I Had To Pick A Dude/Lady, or Eagle #2

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——&&IF YOU WANT PEACE                      PREPARE FOR WAR!!!

i. indie vigilante OC ii. 5 years rp experience, 4 on tumblr iii. multi-ship and multi-verse

HOME  ❣  STORY  ❣  RULES 

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go follow my new character!!

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im so tired of being so lonely

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PSA.

I'm sorry that all my posts lately have just been me whining. I'm going to give an in-depth reason for that in case you care, but if not, i really on't blame you. all I do is whine now. And an in-depth reason for why I may delete this blog. But tl;dr, the person i trusted most excluded me, and that’s my biggest fear.

I used to really enjoy roleplaying a lot. Nothing really brought me down. I'd had Micheal for a year, Bucky for a few months, Loki for a few months, a few random characters-- you get the point. I'd written a lot and I had a lot of good friends. 

Then I remade Micheal. 

I had good interactions, good ships, made good friends. Then one day, someone started ignoring me every time I tried writing with them. They would swear they were into it, then ignore me. I brushed it off. A few months later, a very popular blog was what I was interested. The mun seemed sweet and I loved the character. We talked with a mutual friend and she swore she loved me. As soon as the mutual friend wasn't talking, she ignored every ic and ooc message. Brutally. She would make it clear she had seen it. She would then lie about tumblr eating it. 

My confidence fell. 

But I kept going. I made a blog for Cody, I made a blog for Seth, I made a lot of blogs. I boosted my confidence. I didn't write canon characters for a long, long time, because I was scared to. Not because I didn't think my writing was good, but because I was scared that I would meet more very popular blogs who ignored me. 

I loved my writing still. I felt confident. I felt good. 

Things went well for a while, then I moved Micheal again. I had 300+ followers, then I moved to my current blog. 141 followers after over a year. a whole year, and half my small follower count was just bots and porn blogs that were also bots. I hated myself. 

What was it? bad writing, bad personality, everything? i didn't know. No one would give me honest criticism or tell me why I was failing, but I'm sure someone knows. They just didn't want to tell me. 

Then, I was in a group verse with 2 of my best friends. Not only did my character end up excluded when he's the ENTIRE reason it started, but I started to matter less to both of them. They won't tell me that, but I can tell. My fears of being excluded were multiplied because if the two most important writers I talked to ignored me for each other, what did that mean for me?

I branched out and made a bucky blog. i felt good about it. I still do. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong with Micheal and I still can't figure it out. I've voiced my fears often and loudly, and then my greatest fear hit. I was completely excluded in creating a universe that I was excited for. Not even while I ignored the chat because I was crying and it was moving too fast, but I fell asleep and an entire universe was made. No one listened to the information about my character's age, little bit of backstory, or URL. I didn't matter once they got rolling because they were too excited to remember I was involved. 

My biggest fear in roleplay finally came true and I don't want to write anymore. My biggest fear finally had a reason because my longest standing partner excluded me from something important to me. 

I've not been in therapy for months and everything i've ever used to hold me together fell apart in the 10 minutes it took me to read about 50 messages I missed last night. Handling myself is had. I'm sorry I've been complaining so often about roleplay, but this is why. This is the reason. Everything I thought was impossible happened and I'm scared. 

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great vacation! ive cried and i’ve have reason for my roleplaying fears proven every day!