Wisdom From Tony

The Honest-to-God real day to day happenings of a co-worker. For all his failings, he has a heart of gold. But what he says and does daily is comedy gold! #YouCantMakeThisShitUp

[wisdomfromtony]

"That's your wife's job"

A customer came in and was telling Tony that he no longer worked for himself, but was now an employee of another company.

After he left, Tony asked myself and a co-worker why anyone would work for another company instead of for themselves.

My response was to explain how there was a lot of paperwork and administration work as a business owner, and it was way easier not to have to do it.

Tony looked confused. "But that's your wife's job".

I was sure my female co-worker was going to throw something at him.

10 days until he retires.

[wisdomfromtony]

"...so long as she's not black"

So a co-worker has a daughter who's husband is from the Bahamas. When Tony found it he said: "My son once asked me if I cared who he went out with. I said no, I don't care but if it's a black girl, you better not be bringing her into my house"

😳

[wisdomfromtony]

I really wish I had posted this somewhere or worn it when I first started working here.....

[wisdomfromtony]

Bulls in China shops cost more money

When our company took possession of a new building last year, the main level had a drop ceiling. Tony had some of our staff come in to start dismantling the ceiling for our Boss.

The guys were doing a great job, carefully removing panels and placing them neatly, dismantling section by section.

Until Tony came to check in progress.

He grabbed one end of the ceiling where they were working and yanked it down to the ground. the rest of 70ftx40ft ceiling came crashing down, lights broke loose of their cables, some smashed to the ground, others hung like some bizarre art installation, and open live wires hung around the room.

The electrician charged almost $ 15 000 to redo the lighting on that level.

[wisdomfromtony]

Me: "Tony, why is there a hole in the wall?"

Tony: "The door was locked and I couldn't get I to the room"

Me: 😳

[wisdomfromtony]

Tony: "The shredder isn't working. Can you come see what's wrong with it?"

[wisdomfromtony]

Moving a cabinet

Tony is moving, lock, stock and barrel. Well except for a beautiful glass front display cabinet. Well, what *was* a beautiful glass front display cabinet.

He took a saw to it and cut it in half, with the doors detached because he couldn't get anyone to buy it. No attempt to donate it or give it someone in need, just destroyed.

He likes destroying things. Morale included.

Bull in a China shop, I swear.

[wisdomfromtony]

Volume

Recently, Tony travelled to the province and city he will be staying in when he "retires" to find an apartment. During this time, he stopped by our head office and met some of the people he deals with on the phone.

Yesterday, I spoke with one of them, let's call her Karen, who is from Kenya, and has an accent.

Karen: "I met Tony. He seems nice" *snicker*

Me: "Things are not always as they appear"

Karen: "We asked him why he is always yelling at us. He said it was just because he is loud, and always has been*

Me: "No, Karen, it's because you are in *name of city*. And it's really far from him, and he needs to ensure you can hear him. Also because you have an accent, so she has to shout so you can understand him"

Karen: "That explains a lot"

[wisdomfromtony]

Retirement of Tony

So we're all a bit excited that Tony is "retiring" this year. Ok, more than a bit excited. We have a countdown. Daily. And today it is 25 working days. (We've taken out non working days to give us more excitement and make it seem shorter).

And so here is the thing. He is retiring. But he is not retiring. He is transferring to another branch. In another province, where he can be someone else's nightma.....er....problem.

But he is not happy. The Boss refused to pay for him to move back, despite, according to Tony, the Boss having paid for Tony to move here in the first place. The Boss says he doesn't recall doing so. Tony insists. The Boss has now compromised to pay half.

We don't care who pays for it, only that it happens. So July 27 is his last day at our branch. July 29 will be a day or celebration.

In the meantime, Tony is having a hard time letting go, and still providing some good fodder for this blog. We'll try and post more in this final stretch to keep you all rolling your eyes and shaking your heads.....

[wisdomfromtony]

Legitimately the tattoo on Tony's right arm. No, really.

[wisdomfromtony]

Kharma

A while back In posted Tony's comments about us not needing cleaners because we had women working here, and how we needed a mowing service because it was just too much work.

Yesterday, word came from my boss that we were not getting a mowing service, and Tony and his team would be responsible for mowing the grass.

But fuck he is mad.......

[wisdomfromtony]

Butt-fuckin

Tony has a habit of saying "but fuck...." or "but fucking..." Usually in the middle of a sentence. Sometimes he doesn't finish sentences...

Today we were discussing the Saturday schedule.

He said: "All the guys will be in doing stuff, but don't worry, we'll be watching for customers butt fucking...."

I don't know if it is going to be safe to review the camera footage on Monday......

[wisdomfromtony]

The Long weekend...

Co-worker: Tony, I can come in tomorrow and work, you take the day off and enjoy the long weekend.

Tony: Nah, what the fuck am I going to do with a day off?

Honestly. I got nothing. The man needs a hobby.

[wisdomfromtony]

Mowing

In response to Tony's comment about women and cleaning, yesterday, I got a quite for lawn mowing. Tony said it was a reasonable amount. I said "I don't see why we should pay that much for mowing when there are at least two guys here who could do it".

Tony: "We don't have time to mow the grass when we are at work"

[wisdomfromtony]

Cleaning

Tony (to a female staff member): "I don't understand why our boss spends all this money on a cleaning service when there are two women who work here"

[wisdomfromtony]

DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR

On Thursday, Tony was away, and one of the large Bay doors literally started falling apart. A wheel fell off and the wire which is integral to it's safe functioning. I put caution tape on it. I put up signs saying DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR. I printed them on coloured paper. I left a note for Tony on his desk. I left a note for Tony on the punch clock telling him about the note on his desk. I spoke with him on Monday morning first thing saying DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.

Needless to say, he tried to open the door. It is now stuck half open, half falling off it's track. A good thing I called a repair guy.

[wisdomfromtony]

Interview skills

In doing hiring for our season, we received hundreds of resumes for a small number of positions.

Firstly, Tony said "just grab a few resumes and hire them". Well I refuse to do that, and look for skills, experience and fit. Especially after this conversation I witnessed:

Prospect: I am looking for work.

Tony: Are you afraid of heights?

Prospect: No

Tony: You're hired.

Later, I get the kids resume. Completely unrelated experience, and very short term work history.bthis is why I read resumes. This is also another reason to drink.