Lol midlife crisis right before I turn 24
āŖLately I have been spending almost all of my time comparing myself to everyone else around me, and it's been making me feel horrible. Putting myself down for what? Literally no one is thinking about me, why am I stressing about what EYE think everyone else is thinking. Why am I adding extra stress and misery into my life for things that are all in my head? Been sitting in depression for so long because I have this belief that I should be somewhere else just because that's where everyone else is right now. I realize now, that I am right where I need to be. God doesn't make mistakes, so why am I doubting my journey? God doesn't make mistakes so why am I doubting that I will make it out of whatever I am going through. You know, "thou shalt not covet" is a real thing. ...I mean obviously it is because it's in the bible, but I mean it's really there for a reason. I've just been sitting here coveting my peers lives and their happiness and it has done nothing but hold me back and make me miserable and stop me from completing important things for myself and my journey because I just felt like it wasn't worth it. I would see friends laughing smiling and enjoying their lives and because I didn't have it I for some reason felt less than. I would see friends post success story's about new jobs and graduations, I would feel not smart enough because I just couldn't see an end for myself. I spent every day doubting myself because my little achievements didn't seem comparable, so I would hide alone in my misery and covet. But for what, why, to what end? I don't really know where I'm going with this to be quite honest, I just needed to get this all out. I'm just tired of fighting this battle with myself, whether or not I'm good enough, I'm tired. This past few months I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why I can't seem to get things to click like everyone else has. I finally realized that's what was wrong, I've been so focused on coveting the lives of everyone else, I haven't been focusing on myself. I mean I have, just not in a positive way. Why is it so easy to be positive for other people but not for yourself ...who knows, but I hope after this epiphany I find out how to be a source of positivity for myself. ā¬

















