I love that the sith warrior and sith inquisitor storylines end during what I have to assume is the same day. I've seen people headcanon that it happens at the same meeting, even. The warrior is up first, then the inquisitor rolls in -- but it could technically happen simultaneously. I'm just saying, can you IMAGINE a better dark council meeting? Sith kill each other for seats all the time lets have a little fun with it.
Dark council straight up having the best meeting of the entire decade.
Dark Places by Gillian Flynn // Batman: Urban Legends (2021) #1 // ojibwa on tumblr // Red Hood and The Outlaws (2016) #9 // Unknown // Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #25 // Unknown // Batman (1940) Annual #25 // Unknown, Sue Zhao // Nightwing (1996) #121
—and I wouldn't be me if my brain didn't just absolutely LEAVE THE BUILDING during the credits because hear me out okay:
Ya'll know how Assassin's Creed 2 ends, right?
Desmond's in the Animus. Ezio's in the Vault. Minerva talks through Ezio to Desmond in the PRESENT.
She stares dead at the screen—dead at us—and then she drops that iconic line:
"The rest is up to you, Desmond."
Sp00ky~
Desmond (rightfully) goes: "What the fuck?"
BUT IMAGINE.
IMAGINE. RIGHT.
WHAT IF SHE SAID:
"The rest is up to you…Desmond?"
LIKE, with a QUESTION MARK.
Like: "What the fuck are YOU doing here?" kind of question mark. The kind of tone that makes your stomach drop out of your ass.
And Desmond, sitting comfy in the Animus, is like:
"...wait, what?"
Because then—THEN—
THERE IS NO FADE TO BLACK.
No Animus UI shutdown.
Just Ezio.
Just Minerva.
And they both just.
Stare.
At him.
At Desmond.
Who is now like:
"Why is she looking at me like that?"
"Wait… why is Ezio looking at me like that?"
"...Why is Ezio—WHY IS EZIO LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME—?!"
And that's when Desmond glances down and sees it.
His hands.
Not Ezio's leather gloves.
HIS OWN HANDS.
Hoodie. Jeans. Sneakers.
Dust on the cuffs.
Marble under his fucking shoes.
Just Real Ass Desmond Miles™, standing in the middle of a goddamn Isu Vault like someone tripped into a DLC with no textures.
"Oh. Oh no."
He's not in the Animus.
He's IN THE VAULT. IN 1499.
WITH EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE.
AND MINERVA, ISU LESSER-BITCH.
AND THEY'RE BOTH LOOKING AT HIM LIKE HE JUST CRASHED THE FINAL BOSS CUTSCENE.
So Desmond does what any normal man would do.
He fucking panics. Like, straight up bird-at-a-fire-alarm panic. And fucking BOOKS IT full speed out of the vault like a cryptid that accidentally spawned into the wrong save file.
No warning. No goodbye. Just 25 years of generational trauma and Parkour Muscle Memory™ firing on all cylinders.
Like—this man has NEVER committed to ANYTHING as hard as he commits to GTFO.
Because AC Brotherhood picks up IMMEDIATELY after AC2, which means Mario is literally right outside the Vault entrance, coming down the steps like:
"Ezio, nipote, what did you fi—?"
And then BAM.
Desmond Miles, modern man in a white hoodie, comes YEETING out of the dark at full speed.
He absolutely shoulder-checks Mario.
Knocks over a crate.
Scares ten pigeons and possibly the catholic god.
Desmond: //screaming internally, already scaling a wall, kicking off a Roman bust, leaping to a chandelier like a feral squirrel//
And Ezio, HARDWIRED TO CHASE ANYTHING IN MOTION, IMMEDIATELY PURSUES. It's not even personal. It's just Assassin Brain go brrr. He sees a hood go whoosh and his legs start moving.
Meanwhile in Desmond's Brain:
"I'm not supposed to be here."
"I'm not supposed to be HERE."
"I HAVE NO ANIMUS HUD. I HAVE NO SYNC BAR. NO TUTORIAL PROMPTS. I'M RUNNING ON VIBES."
"I'M A MASTER ASSASSIN WITH NO LORE KNOWLEDGE. NO MAP. NO HEALTH REGEN."
"I'M FERAL AND STUPID."
"OH MY GOD I'M GONNA DIE IN ROME AND THEY'RE GONNA WRITE 'HE WAS FAST AF THO' ON MY GRAVE."
Bonus Chaos:
Lucy, Shaun, and Rebecca back in 2012 are SCREAMING because Desmond hasn't JUST de-synced. He's just GONE. Not a glitch. Not a crash. The Animus is still running but their boy is MISSING IN ACTION. Like he rage quit history itself.
Ezio thinks Desmond is a literal angel from the future sent by the gods. A weirdly panicked, hoodie-wearing angel with excellent parkour form and the energy of a cat stuck in a thunderstorm. (Maybe it's his first mission. Maybe angels are just... like that.)
Leonardo da Vinci, hearing the tale later, is just absolutely feral about it:
"Tell me again—this divine creature—he wore soft fabric armor? Glowing eyes? And—wait, wait—his feet were wrapped in what?"
"Fascinating."
"He must be painted."
"No—sculpted. No—both. I must study the geometry of his panic."
And somewhere in the distance, Desmond is hiding in a haystack whispering "I need to log out I need to log out I need to log out—" while Mario and Ezio argue about whether he was sent by Minerva or just really high.
So to recap:
Desmond got yeeted out of the Animus, emotionally exploded in front of a fake god, assaulted a 15th century uncle, and is now being chased across Rome by a historical himbo and his equally confused tech bro bestie trying to reverse engineer Nikes from goat intestines.
Lmao welcome to the Renaissance, bitch.
Anyway I need to stop. I need to stop having these thoughts. I have a WIP to finish. I have things to write. I have deadlines.
BUT MY BRAIN SAID "What if Desmond no-clipped into history and committed a light felony against Mario Auditore" AND I HAVEN'T KNOWN PEACE SINCE.
Thank you for indulging my completely unhinged brainrot.
I'm going to go lie down in a haystack next to Desmond now.
The more that I think about it, the more I love the subtle symbolism at work in how, in Blair's relationship with Dan, it's actually Serena that has the film inspired dream over it rather than Blair herself.
Imagine telling the smartest girl your class that shes genetically inferior because she a clanless civilian and she just hits you with the 12yo mean girl routine.
Woo boy, I have a lot so the list may be long (in no specific order)
Satan from the Seventh Grade (original title: Szatan z siódmej klasy) by Kornel Makuszyński – this was the book that got me into reading. We had to read it at the beginning of elementary school and I loved it. Because of that I have a healthy relationship with reading required books (even if I got lazy with them later). It is a detective story, very fun. There is also a movie with the same title and it is also so great. Dunno if the book or the movie are in English tho but maybe at least the book is. I really have very fond memories with this one
Fablehaven by Brandon Mull – the bestest series there is. I have to say that Polish name for it is so much better (Baśniobór) and I was so surprised to see the original title. I read it young and it was my Harry Potter (I never read HP series). I even used this series in my mock exam from literature in high school. Fantasy, magical and so so so great. I can't recommend it enough. (Also I found out it has a continuation series??? Maybe I am 10+ years too late, but I want it)
The Devil's Apprentice by Kenneth B. Anderson – another series! As we can see, I have a thing with demons lol. It also is a series for younger teens but nonetheless I consider it so great
Eragon by Christopher Paolini – you don't understand how obsessed I was with this series. I would go on and on about how the movie is trash—too short, not interesting and in general derogatory for the name of Eragon (you can sense the passion, yet? I should add it to things I can talk about for hours). The younger me was so fascinated with the books. The language, world building, dragons and everything. I want to buy this books so I can have the physical copy with me so bad. Why are they so expensive :((
Crime and Punishment by Dostojewski Fiodor – another book that was required to read but this time in high school. I love this story, it shows psychological aspects of people very well. I also was watching the performance in the theater! It was modern reinterpretation with a lot of humor! It was so awesome I contemplated if I should buy tickets again
The Velveteen Rabbit: Or How Toys Become Real by Margery Williams – hear me out. I know it is a book for kids but it is a beautiful book for kids! It is a wholesome and touching story that is for any ages! I am sure kids, teens and adults would love it (I definitely did)
Gone by Grant Michael – with this book series you would also not understand how much I love it. One of my all time favorites. I want all of you to read it. You won't be disappointed (if you happen to be disappointed then don't say anything to me). Those books are just wow. The psychology aspect, fantasy, sci-fi! Like with Eragon I need to have these books in my private collection so much!
Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff – a trilogy but unfortunately I read only the first one (it is so hard to get the second part wtf???) but it definitely is unique. Pages don't look like normal pages, we know only the things that are given to us. It is so fun to read it! The story is really immersing and is full of surprises. I really hope I will be able to get the rest of the series
The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King – it was the first book I read from him and I instantly fell in love with it. I really like King's books but if I had to choose one then this one takes the cake. Maybe sentiment speaks through me but whatever. The perspective this is written with is amazing. The take on the omniscient narrator was so interesting, we as the reader know things, but our main protagonist is so unaware
The Long Walk by Richard Bachman (Stephen King) – I remember I had so many emotions while reading it. This one is so interesting because the whole action is the same. Everyone is walking so it should be boring but it isn't! The story is engaging. You want to know who will survive
Joyland by Stephen King – can you see I like his stories? Lol. This one was really surprising in a good way. It is less horror-y and more... Melancholy? Nostalgic? Nonetheless the book is awesome
The Regulators by Richard Bachman (Stephen King) – I swear it is the last book from him! But I just had to tell you about it. Because if I have to write my fav book (from King), The Regulators are a must. I think there is also a movie? I think this book is one of the series? "Desperation" is its name I think. I liked both books and I like both. I also watched a movie (Desperation) if I remember correctly but I may just imagine things now lol
I would also say The Shawshank Redemption (a story from: Different Seasons) by Stephen King too but I just watched the movie (I still recommend!)
Y'know. Middle grade fantasy is great. Middle grade fantasy knows what the people want. I want to read more middle grade fantasy. Just like when I was a kid
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