Withheld Beauty

Simply a 24 year old girl trying to navigate her life and heart. The wind is rough and the water is choppy, but she is doing as best she can with her melodramatic and over-analytic tendencies. She likes to write stuff sometimes. A mosh posh of randomness that either hurts or makes me happy. Starting to post more than love quotes so sorry about that.

[within-the-trenches]

Real conversations:

Babe: I can't fall asleep unless its cuddling you.

Me: You know that's false.

Babe: You're right, but it makes it easier.

[within-the-trenches]

My heart melts when I'm with you

[within-the-trenches]

Real 5am conversations

Me: *kisses his forehead goodbye and whispers* have a good day

Him: *mumbles sleepily* only if you do. Its all that matters.

[within-the-trenches]

Because I can't tell many people in my 3D life...My babe gave me my Christmas present early because he was in a giving mood after this gentleman paid for our dinner the other night when we went out to eat.

My beautiful boy got me a necklace. He remembered the one time I mentioned not really having any to wear anymore. And he made sure to get my birthstone. I fall in small increments of love with him more and more each day.

[within-the-trenches]

I have finally found a place where I belong. And its right here with you, my darling.

[uneventfulness]

[within-the-trenches]

[within-the-trenches]

Real conversation at 6am

Me: Well, looks like I work at 11 today so its just you that has to get up.

Babe: *in a sleepy voice* then come cuddle me then?

[within-the-trenches]

My honey got me flowers for the first time and they're beautiful.

[wnq-writers]

She tried to make him feel loved but how could she when she didn’t love herself? She tried to give him all the love she doesn’t give her .

[within-the-trenches]

When my babe sends me cute things

[within-the-trenches]

So...I'm a tad nervous and giddy and, well, confused. Me and my boy went to an amusement park two weeks ago. We planned for a month and it paid off. We had fun. He made me face my fears and we rode roller coasters and ate dip n dots and kissed in public and held hands. He makes me so fucking happy. I am in a dangerous place.

I am falling love. I know I am. He's so good with my family. He went out of his way to spend time with my late grandmother. He spent a good 20 minutes listening to my brother talk about his gun collection. He mentioned meeting my father, which lives 900 miles away by the way. He hugs my mother. They bond. They joke around.

Waking up next to him after falling asleep in his arms is my version of bliss. I want to be with him constantly. Every thought and every synapse in my body wants him, is consumed by him. How can I stop it? I don't even want to. It scares me. He scares me.

I've never had a boyfriend before. He never even asked me to be his, not officially. Its as if we have this understanding that we want no one else. We started working on our shit.

He started calling me his girlfriend to other people. I've even heard his address me as such to his neighbor. And just the other day when I said I love flowers and he said I should ask my boyfriend to get me some. He thinks of us as a couple and I'm over the moon.

And just today, as he was leaving today and grabbing his shoes and phone charger, he purposefully left his pyjamas the night before. This boy tells me he to leave it here, for when he stays the night with me. I joke, ask him if he wants a drawer. He looks in my eyes and suggests, if you have one to spare.

We haven't had penetrative sex. Oral, yes. We first started talking while he had a long distance girlfriend. We get things backwards and dance across lines and even blur some all while never fully defining what we are.

But here we are. I'm swimming and floating and drowning all at once but its in his whiskey eyes so its okay that this burns like I downed a shot of him. Its okay to feel like I'm drunk and happy.

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[within-the-trenches]

Hey you. Yes, you! You're my lovely. I adore you.

[within-the-trenches]

This is the most you and me story there ever was.

[within-the-trenches]

Nothing prepared me for the day I lost my grandmother. I'm simply beyond blessed you got a chance to meet her, dear. She cared about you, even if she forgot you from time to time. I recall moments how you so gently helped a frail woman roll a ball or how you told her you loved her after she escorted us down the hall for the last time. That day meant so much to me. It was your idea to take my grandmother bowling. We treated her out to lunch at Chili's. Later on, we got to have a date. A planned date. Watching Spiderman: Homecoming in theaters. The night ended abruptly but it was such a wonderful day.

I woke up next to you this morning and I cannot contain emotion of how I adore you, and how well you can treat me. We both have our messes, but it's never been easier to try to clean when all I wanted to do previously was shove all my turmoil under the bed.

I think I love you.

{june.2.2019}