These past two weeks have been a big fat negative. I was fine, out here trying to live my best life even with my usual pain and discomfort when out of nowhere that pain amplified to highly uncomfortable levels. My liver enzymes were also quite elevated in my past blood work results and all of this led to me to the hospital of course. This pain had been something I have complained about for months and yet nothing ever seemed to be there... In between appointments, I did my normal WebMD research and self diagnosis only to discover that all of my symptoms pointed to my liver as I'd suspected - okay, don't panic... Stay calm. *Pushes panic button* *Flips switch for worry, anxiety and depression* I don't really have a local doctor (which is terrible I know), but luckily I ended up seeing a GP that I'd seen before so she was somewhat familiar with my situation already. She decided to do an ultrasound (I can't tell you how happy and appreciative I was that she didn't brush it off). The ultrasound came back with two "questionable spots" and even though I'd prayed so hard for strength, I slightly crumbled. I lost my aunt that way from breast cancer. I couldn't even bare the thought. Two days later, I did a MRI of my abdomen which came back clear for malignancies (meaning whatever is there doesn't seem to be cancerous). Instead it turns out I have what appears to be two cysts in my liver and one in my left kidney. I'm not familiar with cysts, never had one in my life but ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO HURT THIS MUCH? I've never been stabbed before either but I'm sure it's close to what I'm feeling. On top of that, my lower back/spine has decided to join the party. I have prayed, tossed, turned, curled up, cried, kicked, fussed, cursed and whatever else, every single night, for the past week. I stopped eating meat, started eating much healthier, drinking detox water and I'm trying just about everything under the sun. I'm about to do a green juice cleanse this week. I cut out all of my medication too (the chemo was due to doctor's orders) to see if that will take some stress off my body but I finally caved and started taking my pain killers (which are practically sugar pills to me now and they aren't for the weak). What else am I supposed to do? I'll do anything at this point. I miss sleep. Now they think I have shingles with no visible symptoms. I don't even know if I had chickenpox (apparently I had a SINGLE spot). Lord knows how much I'm trying to be strong and keep it together. I'll always count my blessings because so many near and far have lost their battle with this disease but the struggle is real. Nae xo Side note: I'm thankful that the Lord is keeping me because I know if I was truly alone, I would have given up already. I feel it deep inside so many times, so many days but I always try to keep that picture in my head that my Dad told me to paint years ago of me being happy... I need to be happy. I want to die happy.
