Ranking the Beatrice dedications because Lemony is the most dramatic person ever
To Beatrice-
My love flew like a butterfly
Until death swooped down like a bat
As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said:
That’s the end of that.
I’d vibe with a poem and I like the reference to bats but this is way too wordy, there’s no snap.
To Beatrice-
When we met, my life began.
Soon afterward, yours ended.
This one’s snappier but I don’t vibe with the implication that Lemony met her just before she died, they knew each other for like 30 years.
To Beatrice-
Our love broke my heart,
And stopped yours.
Again, nice and snappy, but what??? is this implication that Lemony killed Beatrice??? Lemony stop being so damn dramatic she died in a fire.
To Beatrice-
My love for you shall live forever.
You, however, did not.
Simple, concise but unremarkable.
To Beatrice-
Summer without you is as cold as winter.
Winter without you is even colder.
I love it when this man close-captions the obvious while being depressed, it’s such a mood.
To Beatrice-
I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.
To Beatrice-
You will always be in my heart,
in my mind,
and in your grave.
I like this one because it reads like a love poem while simultaneously being the bleakest thing anyone’s ever written.
To Beatrice-
When we were together I felt breathless.
Now, you are.
I know it’s wrong to laugh at dedications to dead people, but I’m gonna do it anyways.
To Beatrice-
We are like boats, passing in the night-
particularly you.
I like this one specifically for the implication that Beatrice died at night… which means she survived the Baudelaire fire and died at the masked ball.
To Beatrice-
When we first met, you were pretty, and I was lonely.
Now, I am pretty lonely.
We stan antanaclastis (I think that’s the device, please sound off if it’s not).
To Beatrice-
No one could extinguish my love,
or your house.
The first indication that Beatrice was the Baudelaire mother and it’s strangely stirring.
To Beatrice-
Dead women tell no tales.
Sad men write them down.
Pirate vibes. Lemony also admitting that he’s depressed, which is a step in the right direction.
To Beatrice-
Darling, dearest, dead.
CLASSIC. Snappy, short, gets to the point, completely devastating.
To Beatrice-
I cherished, you perished.
The world’s been nightmarished.
In which Lemony Snicket invents a word to write a dedication that is the perfect blend of heartbreaking and hilarious.
dededos
origamiaround
snowghoul
romaincrisis
izzy806
discoholicmusic
theartofmadeline
