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[mastersaysboysobeyoriginal-deac]

What I've learned being a Dom so far

I started my page to explore and live my kinky Dom side. It went lots of places and I’ve learned a lot, about me, the others and the scene.

This summarizes (yet still a bit long, but I felt it was necessary) all chats I’ve had with boys and other doms before. If u are in a hurry, just read the bold ones.

Having a kink might seem weird or complex, but in the end it’s just liking something people usually don’t. Being different. And that’s ok.

Embrace who you are and be happy with it. Be proud.

And by that, I don’t mean just embracing your submissive side. Or your Dom side. But all you are, all u want for life, whatever that might be.

A cumdump for men around? A muscle boy training to be better every day for your owner? A dom who wants a sub boyfriend? A sub and a Dom at the same time? Go for it.

It’s ok not liking everything. It’s ok being different from what u see around. This should be a place for exploring and trying what u want, not to be judged. You can get that on your everyday world.

Forget labels. They are boring. Be what you wanna be and someone will appreciate u for that.

There’s no right or wrong. And your body shape, dick size or bank account won’t say much about how much of a Dom or a sub u truly are. I’ve seen all types of both and it all depends on what u wanna be. Don’t judge based on the outside. Power, strength and resilience come from within.

Sometimes we get stuck in this fantasy world, seeing models, porn actors and porn scenes or people trying to do like those. And we think we gotta be like that.

But reality is much more complex and not always as glamorous and pretty (or rough and nasty haha) as we see around.

This is a fantasy world. Don’t forget reality out there can and probably will be different.

You don’t have to be marked and out to everyone as a sub, walk around in your lock or cage, to be a good one. Live it in the depth u want to. And that’s fine.

Being real means kink is just a part of your life. And it might be a huge part of yours, but it might not even be in someone else’s. So be careful with using some words outside a safe, known environment.

Rape might mean a rough, as the top wants fuck for u, but it also means pain, suffering and darkness for some other people out there.

Faggot might mean a submissive male here but it also carries prejudice and hate for some.

Words have power, never forget that.

In the end, always be clear about what u want and what they should expect from you. It’s an exchange.

Including power. That’s the base of it all. Doms have what subs give. Control, ownership, use. Otherwise it’s just abuse.

Some are learning still, some need more time or encouragement. Some won’t give u that. All is fine if it’s clear for all the ones involved.

Respect above all.

Between you and your partners. Between you and the ones around you. Between us all.

Your kink is not an excuse for being abusive. Or just a fucking cunt. For making anyone feel worthless. For hating anyone. For picking on races, gender roles, sexuality or whatever.

I guess it always comes down to this:

Be honest, healthy and happy. Safe, always. Explore and enjoy.

Honest with yourself and with others. About your needs, expectations and goals.

Healthy about your body and your mind. Some kinks involve dangerous stuff. Be aware if u ever decide to try them.

Safe from bad places, bad practices, bad people. They are all around.

Explore. Cause you might not like all u think you will. Or love what u thought you wouldn’t stand. That’s how we learn about ourselves and the scene.

And if you are not enjoying it, why are u doing it? Having a kink is already hard without people from inside judging and being shitty about it.

You’re not alone. Reach out and find those to help you grow.

If some people won’t or can’t understand it, a lot of them can and will. Find them. Your community, online or where u live. Talk about it.

Don’t be afraid to ask, to learn, to share. That’s how we can find each other. And improve the scene and start helping the ones dealing with toxic, bad examples out there.

It’s never easy. Work hard and give your best.

Be your best to serve the best. I’ve always told my boys that. And be the best to be served by the best. It works both ways.

And always do it for yourself, not just to please others. People come and go, but you’ll be with yourself every fucking day till u die.

Damn, what a long post haha

And just to be clear, that’s just part of MY experience with all of it. Some will disagree. Some will think less of me because of it. I don’t care.

I just want to improve the discussion around and show younger and inexperienced boys (and Doms and other people who are into any kink) that sometimes all u see around is not all there is.

If u agree or want to add anything, reblog, comment, share. It might help a lot of those who are starting their paths and may be lost or confused.

Take care.

King 86

[wmla04]

Great words of wisdom! Everyone should read and learn from this!

[somecutething]

[moth-flufff-deactivated20210126]

yeS YES YES

[bando--grand-scamyon]

This is a lucky post

[wmla04]

I love this! It brings joy to my heart and so little lately in the public space does

[temptingdominance]

Just a friendly reminder

I know there’s a lot of really heavy and intense things on Tumblr that reflect a fantasy world of BDSM. There’s a lot of people out there that will tell you that you have to obey without question. That you have to endure somebody treating you like shit because you’re a submissive. That you have to be an object.

I want to remind you that isn’t true. Most of the captions written on Tumblr would never be said in real life. I guarantee you that these people don’t have the balls to walk up to somebody and say that to them out of the blue. They thrive off of anonymity. It allows them to forget their Humanity.

Trust me, I understand there’s a time and a place for humiliation and degradation. But no human being deserves to be treated like that 24/7. We are social creatures. Our emotional and mental health needs affirmation at times.

Basically I’m trying to remind you that submission is a gift. To those of you that are new, you don’t have to put up with being treated poorly simply because somebody tells you that’s the way it is. It isn’t that way.

People can dismiss me. They can call me overly romantic. But here’s the thing about being a dominant, you have to in some form care about the other person. Otherwise you’re just a fraud.

[slanslanslan]

VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

[betahorseman]

Excellent.

[wmla04]

Rarely have more true and important words have been said. This applies to every Gay man in this World. Fantasy is not reality. And mutual respect and treating each other, as we would like to be treated by Straight People, is the ONLY way we can move forward as a people for the future!

[shwagerr]

[wmla04]

I don’t usually post things like this but this is pretty incredible. Twerk it girl!

[world-of-cats]

Hello! So I'm gonna adopt a kitty. Could you pls tell me some essential basics? I'm a total beginner at pets. Thank you!!!

How nice , I’m so happy for you ! ^- ^ First of all make sure that you don’t stress your cat, let it walk around and see the whole place. You may be excited and want to hug and play with it the whole time, but the kitty will need some space and time for itself. It may be shy, scared or simply curious about the new atmosphere. So do not overwhelm it with your love and attention. Playing is important for the kittens health, it makes their day less boring and makes your relationship stronger. You should play with your kitty every day  ^- ^ ! I would say that before going to sleep is probably the best time to play with your kitty so you can have a peaceful night. Also make sure that your kitten has enough toys to play with.Cats are different, most of the cats I had were getting scared easily and if yours is one of those cats, then try your best not to do sudden moves or be too loud. Make sure that there are enough places to hide or jump on. Sometimes few simple boxes around the house are just enough ! Cats feel secure in a box. Maybe put a soft blanket somewhere where you think the kitty would like to stay. 

To make sure you know exactly how much to feed your kitten, I suggest you to ask your veterinarian what the appropriate portion size is and how often you should feed her/him. For kittens 3 to 6 months old, most vets recommend three feedings a day. Once the kitty has reached 6 months, you can scale down to two times a day. Also make sure she has plenty of fresh water !Lets not forget about the litter that has to be cleaned at least once per day! Well I guess that was it, I hope I did not forget something and that this information was helpful ! I would love to see the little furball, if you wouldn’t mind. ♡♡

[wmla04]

Cats cannot drink regular milk! They can’t digest the lactaid and they will get diarrhea.  However, most cats and animals can tolerate Lactaid Milk or Lactose Free Milk.  

[ukstudentalpha]

Protecting Real Submissives

I don’t know if this can be quantified but I’ve often thought it extremely important that the community come to the rescue of submissives with education and support. I’m a natural submissive and I now understand it’s a beautiful quality to have. I’m the caring loving pleaser and I’ll do anything for my dominant partner. But that can go wrong on so many levels for so many reasons. We are so vulnerable to real abuse that can be life-changing. Abuse that’s not a game or a fantasy. I’m HIV+ and I am because I a Dom took advantage of my submissive nature. As a submissive it’s counterintuitive to call the shots or make demands. You try politely but my submissive nature is true and honest it’s not a fantasy. It’s hard for me to disappoint a dominant man and I want to think he wouldn’t hurt me. But you see the posts and the fantasies on Tumblr focused on abuse. Real abuse of humans. Not fantasies but real abuse. It’s also very confusing as a submissive because we see these messages and as true submissives we let ourselves fall victim to thinking this is our lot in life and the actions prey on our core need to please a dominant man at any cost. I’m not a victim but becoming HIV+ was hard on me. I am a sweet nice submissive. I protected myself until I didn’t because I was pleasing a dominant man and I have to live with that decision. And then as an HIV+ submissive my self-esteem plummeted and I really started to let men abuse me and take even more advantage of me. As a sweet beautiful submissive, I had no understanding of my real value and it seemed there were no real dominant men around to help me understand that. And no education out there to help me understand it on my own. All this discourages a real submissive to enjoy the life he wants to as a submissive because it often results in abuse and lowered self esteem and real problems. When will the dominant men stand up and know they must help to protect and respect beautiful loving pleasing submissives like me. I’m not asking for control. But there are real negative consequences to the mixing of sub fetishes vs real sub living. It can’t all fall on the subs shoulders because we give up power and struggle to protect ourselves when we’re expected to listen and obey. Doms need to understand the power they have and help promote a positive use of that power. Thanks for breaking the cycles of abuse with your blog.

[jerrod99]

Well there are dominant men who abuse and dominant men who protect. Ultimately the sub has to remove himself if he’s not being treated right. It’s why I always tell subs they have value and are not worthless like some doms try to suggest. None of us can protect him from abusive Doms or serial killers for that matter. It makes me sick this sweet sub was harmed. Just because I say Obey your Alpha it doesn’t mean at any cost. It’s always within the context of a trusted relationship. If you don’t have that, you don’t really have anything.

[wmla04]

These are very wise words! Spread this as wide as you can. Submissives are people who enjoy pleasing others. They are humans that deserve respect, appreciation and love. 

[kawaiiasfuckk]

[wmla04]

There is something going on: a guy does not stare at someone with his mouth open and licking his lips unless he is strongly attracted to that someone on some level. The last bit where Taron is staring at Hugh lost in his thoughts and when asked a question breaking his spell, he shrugs because he has no answer, he has been lost in staring at Hugh, is the best.

[sargedehner-deactivated20230215]

[wmla04]

Very Pretty Rubber Boy

[ukstudentalpha]

Absolute Obedience?

I’m a dominant, so I typically expect submissives to obey me when I tell them to do something. However, there are times when I would really prefer they told me that they can’t. It’s slightly tricky to explain, and I’m relatively new to this myself (remember that I got into the D/s scene about 2 months ago), so settle in for a lengthy post. I’m sure it will be worth it.

I spoke to a fag earlier about his service to a dominant man. The man invited him to come on a short holiday so that they could have some fun. After the fag had booked the (expensive) tickets and hotel, the “Alpha” sprung a sudden change on him; they would have a guest. This guy wanted the fag to watch as he fucked his lady friend, and he waited until that point to divulge this. He made no mention of such an activity before the fag invested financially into the holiday and visit.

The fag confided in me that he dreaded the experience. While many fags enjoy the idea of watching a man fucking a women, this fag in particular finds the idea humiliating and painful, in a bad way. It goes way past his limits. My advice to him was to make it plain that he wouldn’t attend unless the “Alpha” guaranteed that no women would be present, and to simply enjoy his holiday. He did, and ended up having a great time.

While discussing this issue with the fag, he asked me whether I would ever make him watch me sleep with a woman. I told him that I wouldn’t. He was confused by this.

My response?

“There are tonnes of fags who would die for the chance to watch me doing that. Why on earth would I demand it from a fag who would find the experience painful and upsetting?”

This is at the core of my interpretation of the Dominant/submissive (or Alpha/fag) dynamic. Submission has to be willing for it to even matter or mean anything, and it should be as enthusiastic as possible. Occasionally a Dominant has to pull rank and push soft boundaries slightly (taking responsibility for ensuring that it is done carefully), but ignoring all limits for fun doesn’t make you a dominant. At best it makes you selfish, and at worst it makes you a sadist.

Finding people who are happy to fulfill your selfish desires, as it is their fantasy to do so, will make for far more fruitful interactions than finding one person and trying to make them into something that they are not.

[joyfuldreamobservation-deactiva]

I agree and I think it’s important for others to know that, whatever the scene, it must be mutually agreed upon and have mutual consent!! Also, a mutual understanding of what the limits are.

[wmla04]

Again, a wise point from a wise man. All Alphas should be a confident and secure and introspective as UKStudentAlpha! Thank you again, a million times over!

[ukstudentalpha]

Fin-Dom

Here goes. A whole post about the nature of fin-dom. Financial Domination is a really, really touchy subject and quite taboo. This isn’t without good cause; there are a lot of ethical issues with the practise. So I’m going to do a FAQ, some myths and truths and then talk about some experiences, including my own, those of my fags and those of the people who have messaged me.

Definition: Financial Domination is the practice of a Dominant figure taking some form of control over a submissive figure’s financial life. This can include setting them a budget, giving them direction on spending, and (most controversially) accepting gifts (cash or otherwise) from them.

Q: “Isn’t Fin-Dom basically just prostitution?”

A: Fin-dom is not a transaction. The submissive figure who offers up a gift of cash is not purchasing anything. The satisfaction on both ends comes from the process of handing over the money in and of itself, not from anything that comes with it. Now, if a submissive offers up money quid pro quo, in exchange for a meeting or picture, or possibly a sweaty jock strap, then that is Sex Work, not financial domination. I don’t necessarily have anything against Alphas who send out items of clothing in exchange for money, but it’s not something I’m interested in (having said that, every man has his price. If we’re talking ridiculous amounts I’d probably accept the cash and donate a portion of it to charity to assuage my conscience, if we’re being realistic).

To give an idea of the experience my fags tend to have, they tend to view the process as being beneficial to them. They tend to thank me for accepting the money off of them, and when they make unexpected savings/bonuses it’s common for them to contact me and offer it up. For them, the feeling of submission is enjoyable to the point of bliss.

Q: “Surely that can’t be ethical?”

A: Well that’s a matter of opinion. Regarding my own ethical stand-point, it’s consensual activity between two adults. If they’re both informed and there is no coercion or deception then there isn’t anything wrong with it.

Q: “Isn’t it a bit sad that you have to beg for money?”

A: I get this. However this isn’t a job, it’s a kink. I don’t actually need the money that fags send my way, I’m living off of my student loan which isn’t that bad. The submission of cash is about power. When a submissive offers up financial tribute it can make them feel far more submissive, and it certainly makes me feel extremely dominant (the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had from masturbation was after a session of financial domination, and I know of another Alpha with that experience). The fact that I’m currently about 10% of the way to paying off my student debt (£50,000 in total) is simply a bonus that I appreciate on a non-sexual level.

Q: “Aren’t you taking advantage of sick/disturbed/vulnerable people?”

A: I would be taking advantage if I didn’t have strict ethical standards, which many “Alphas” who engage in fin-dom don’t. I won’t accept submission from those who are too poor, or in closed relationships, or don’t enjoy the process of submitting, or have dependents who aren’t already taken care of. But there are self-proclaimed fags/slaves who have self-destructive impulses. They want to be financially ruined because of their self-hatred, and they find that frauds and unethical Doms online are more than happy to fulfill their wish.

Let me be absolutely clear; most “Cash-Masters” are shitty, shallow, and quite often fake. They view accepting fag-cash as an alternative to making their own money. I strongly urge those who are interested in tributing to consider whether the individual they are tributing to deserves the money. If you’re an adult, and you want to give money to someone who legitimately hates you and would never speak to you again if you stopped tributing, that’s your choice. The other important point to keep in mind is whether you feel pressured. If you feel like you are being pressured, take a step back. The experience of “cash-rape” (abusive fin-dom) doesn’t necessitate an abusive Dom who will bully you into handing over money (more than you can afford) every time you speak. I urge you to find someone who knows the limits and is responsible.

If you have experience with fin-dom, good or bad, I’d really appreciate your comments and opinions on the topic. I’ve heard horror stories, and I’ve watched them play out. I’ve seen poor students pressured into handing over cash from their maintenance loan and parents to men in their 30s with jobs. I’ve seen a fag with a substance addiction pressured into indulging it by a Dom who knew that it would make it easier to get cash out of him. There’s fucked up stuff happening, and that’s why it’s important to talk about it.

[wmla04]

Always, always well said from UKStudentAlpha! Just a smashing young man who has a great head on his shoulders and could teach many a Dom and subs how to conduct themselves and their relationships properly! Thank you!

[ukstudentalpha]

The Fourth Wall: A Query

You might have answered this question in other places - I’m not sure, so pardon me if this has already been acknowledged. I wrote a post a long time ago called “Tumblr’s Fourth Wall” in the context of dom/sub, alpha/faggot, master/slave dynamics, but I’d like to expand this into the sphere of the world at large outside the virtual format.  As human beings endowed by either the Divine or Nature (depending on one’s faith or lack thereof) with dignity and intelligence, it is my belief that we are all intrinsically equal. Within the framework of a person’s sexual preference and how they choose to manifest and meet their needs, there is certainly a lot of wiggle-room when it comes to role and identity. I feel that both self proclaimed alphas and betas are both living under a dual delusion of superiority on one hand, and degradation on another. I’m all for play within the bedroom and even as a chosen lifestyle to some extent - but why should one individual view themselves as “more” and another view themselves as “less” when we are all gifted with traits that transcend the body and psycho-sexual desires, which make us unique and beautiful? I’m in my late twenties and I certainly have fantasies about both domination and submission, although it’s usually the latter. I’m attractive, quite intelligent, with goals and aspirations. Within the context of a sexual encounter I might enjoy being degraded by someone like yourself; owned, used, what have you - any adjective for being made inferior will do - I still understand that I have a huge amount of intrinsic worth by virtue of being a hoping, thinking, feeling member of the human race. In no way, shape, or form is a self-proclaimed “alpha” fundamentally better than I am in any capacity; I actually envision myself potentially entering a dom/sub relationship at some point, but only with someone who understands that my submission is a gift; and in that respect, in offering my whole self to a dominant, I am actually the one who is superior and in control. The following is by no means a personal attack, but it regards the “Fourth Wall” I mentioned. You state that you’ve earned and grown into the role of alpha because you have had a natural urge to dominate since your youth and not only was the urge present, but it was executed with efficiency and power; further, your goal is to live in luxury with a cadre of submissives. I have a few pointed questions. Among humanity, is there really a distinction of alpha and beta; are we not all unique creatures with talents and weaknesses in various capacities? Because you can use a degree of physical appeal or psychological coercion/manipulation/suggestion to feed into a submissive’s subconscious desire and bring them to their knees, does that make you an alpha, or are you in fact siphoning into a narcissistic aspect of yourself that needs feeding; is there a distinction between narcissism and the self-perception of the alpha role? Where does the fourth wall break and we are all just members of humanity sharing our hopes, fears, and desires, attempting to reconcile these things through various social and sexual outlets? Forgive me if I’m rambling, here, but I was talking with a potential dominant a few weeks ago that didn’t pan out, and one thing he said to me was quite poignant. “I can’t always be a Sir, no one can, really, most of the time I’m just ______, no one can do that full time and be genuine,” the blank being his name.  Frankly, I don’t think anyone is superior to another person by virtue of any sexual role; that being one of the most complex and least understood aspects of ourselves. It’s really a matter of fantasy, and how broadly it penetrates into the different aspects of our lives; sometimes it can be too deep, and although I enjoy your blog from what I’ve seen, and approach you with respect, I genuinely question the moral compass of someone who thinks they are deserving of a destiny being surrounded in opulence with a harem of boys. I apologize if that is too blunt, but unlike most bloggers you seem extremely intelligent - and more importantly, humane, responsible, and at times kind - so instead of busting a nut to your content, and giving a post-climactic eyeroll I do with other “doms” who really aren’t, I genuinely wanted to get your feedback.  Best, M.

This post made me smile. You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought.

I think that your question is based on a false premise. I don’t believe that the role of the Alpha, Dominant, Daddy (etc.) is innately superior to the role of the beta, fag, boy, submissive (etc.). Think in terms of Aristotle’s perception of ‘good’. A good Alpha Dominates, a good beta submits. Am I superior to my submissives? I’m a superior Dom when compared to my submissives. They’re superior when it comes to giving head, doing chores and serving.

As for narcissism and self-perception of Alpha status, I think the crux of the issue here is mutual enjoyment. I do not allow a fag to suck me off because I want a blowjob. Well, I do want a blowjob, yes, but the underlying motivation is that he craves the opportunity to do so. My Domination is based on a foundation of mutual enjoyment. Why would I let a submissive who hates domestic chores do my laundry? There are many who would beg for the chance to do that, if they had the opportunity. That’s where I draw the line. I’m not feeding myself, I’m feeding the interaction, the relationship.

I’m not a Dom 24/7, no, however I do feel like Alpha as a title does encapsulate me as an individual. As you acknowledged there was the hunger and the talent, but it goes beyond that. When I met my submissive in person for the first time, he noted that I was someone he wanted to submit to even when I was completely relaxed watching TV. Even outside of “scenes” he still felt a powerful urge to submit. That’s all I need to think that the title stands for all parts of me. When you really get down to it, are any of us anything 24/7? I’m most certainly a medical student, but I’m only really a medical student at certain times. I’m sure you understand what I mean; I may not be Dominating 24/7, but I am still a Dominant figure at all times, even if that’s not being expressed openly.

As for my trajectory, living in opulence with a harem, it comes back to my philosophy as a Dominant. I don’t feel that I am entitled to a big house, a group of loyal submissives, a perfect life of relaxation and success. I believe that it’s something that I could attain, but I don’t think that the world owes me that. With that said, you’re missing a key part of the fantasy that I tend to hint at quite often. The harem of submissives? This is their fantasy too. The submissive who has provided the opulence? They couldn’t be more proud. It’s easy to overlook the flipside of my perspective; the submissive’s wishes and fantasies complement the fantasies of the Dominant. That’s the difference.

The concept of your “Fourth Wall” is interesting, however I feel it applies to most online Dominants, but not myself. When I come onto this blog, I take off a mask rather than putting one on. I reveal my inner self, rather than emulating some idealized Alpha figure to get submissives wet. I simply tell the world what I want, and before long a submissive is on his knees asking for permission to give it to me. And from that interaction, both of us fulfill a fantasy.

[daddyexploresdomination]

The best thing about this exchange is that it is not reductive. It acknowledges that people are complex and multi-faceted and manages to disassociate concepts that are often confused in D/s: inferiority/superiority vs submission/Domination. People often use inferiority/superiority as a proxy for team submission/Domination. Any true Dominant understands that real submission comes from a place of strength and it is truly a gift. A fake dominant feeds his own ego with his “superiority” which is usually wrapped in hyper-masculine bullshit. Dominant and submissives are equal. One is not better than the other. They are compliments and need each other to exist.

[wmla04]

Again, UKStudentAlpha and Daddyexploresdomination show the rest of us how true Doms who are intelligent, compassionate, reasonable and respectful are and should be. I’m always impressed by them both and they teach all of us how we should always strive to be our better selves, how to conduct ourselves in Dom/sub relationships and how complex Dom/sub relationships are. We must always be careful when entering into a Dom/sub relationship and before subs give away control to a Dom, they need to make sure that this Dom is mentally healthy, emotionally strong, and a person that cares for his subs. True Doms/Healthy Doms don’t abuse, hurt and destroy their subs. True Doms/Healthy Doms respect and support their subs and encourage growth for all parties involved. 

[misstanwyck]

[wmla04]

Actually I like it!

It’s not a documentary. It is camp drama. Not bad. It’s the modern version of Lace, the explosive miniseries from 1984. (Which one of you bitches is my Mother!?) So far, so good.

[mancreeper-deactivated20120427]

[pectus00]

cutedaemon

[wmla04]

Just a little too dangerous!

Not something recommended, the danger outweighs the experience, especially when drugs or alcohol is used.

I’m all for fun but guys you gotta be really careful out there!