사랑 @wnana-oh - Tumblr Blog

To you.

Pairing: Neteyam x fem!human reader.

Summary: you've arrived on Pandora along Quaritch's avatar and manage to escape to join the natives. after the passing of neteyam, you've finally decided on the next move and decide to write him a letter to end your mourning.

Warnings: I didn't cry but may be sad

Notes: I'm out of my delusional stage. Decided to put an end to my hopes of a revival, so here's my letter to boo.

Mom used to tell me to write down my unexplainable feelings. And tonight as I went back to my tent after dinner, yours told me that it was time to put an end to my mourning, in the way I deemed proper.

So I want to tell you, all the things I left unsaid, the thoughts I never spoke, the worries I never shared, the memories I couldn't recal. In a way I'll be done regretting all of those.

I'm happy you found me. I'm happy your family and tribe believed in me after having met your father and the abominations my people did. I'm happy I was able to spend my precious hours alongside the nature I despised so much on Earth. I'm happy you made me love nature, and it's inhabitants, it's ups and downs. Thank you for teaching me your ways and being oh so patient.

I'm proud I stayed true to myself despite all the bullshit engraved in my head. I'm proud I valued life more than survival. I'm proud I knew everything had an end and that the one of my people was so close, escaping to another planet wouldn't save us. I'm proud I fought for you, for this precious world of yours, for this intimate relation you have with it, for everything I didn't understand but respected nevertheless. Thank you for keeping me on the righteous path.

I regret not being adventurous enough. I regret not riding ikrans with you because I was afraid I'd fall. I regret not being tall enough. I regret not being able to connect to Ey'wa. I regret my doubts. I regret not killing the men I should've shot. I regret being weak and not worthy of a warrior like you. I regret leaving Earth. More than I thought I would. I miss its disgusting, self-centered people. I miss its contaminated air, its dying eco system, its concrete walls and floors. I miss my friends, my insane, lunatic mother. I miss its music, the movies, the books, the fictions. I miss the late night walks, the trains, long car rides. I miss every little thing about it. Only because it was my home, because I grew up there, full knowing it was dying, in and out. Only because I am very much alike these disgusting self centered people, the colonizers, hungry for money and youth in a world were even tomorrow is uncertain. I hate that, I miss it so much I cry about it at night. I hate that you never knew about it, that you wouldn't understand the stories I told you, the fun things I did that were unknown to you. I hate the you who doesn't know about phones and theaters, the you who doesn't know France, the States, China... The you who would nod and smile to make me feel understood when you had no idea what I was babbling about. Thank you.

I was afraid your people would turn their backs on me, suspect me, lynch me and leave me to die. I was afraid I'd wake up alone. I was afraid I'd be a burden. But after hearing my story, you protected me as one of yours, made me feel accepted and I'll never thank you enough for it.

Never was I delusional, thinking I'd ever be a part of what you, as a community, were. Never was I delusional enough to think I'd spend the rest of my pitful life on Pandora. Because, I am from Earth. I don't deserve what's yours. I wasn't here because I wanted, but because I was forced to be. I wanted to fight for the right cause and I did. I wanted to be helpful to the right people and I was. I helped and fought for you, I'd do it again. In fact, no matter how many times I have to live this life, I'd still fight for you. As a human. Not as a Na'vi. I don't want to become greedy. I don't want to stay. I don't want to have to live like this for much longer. I finally understand what it's like to be a minority and I'd rather go back to my world than to mourn you forever, hating myself for not being born blue.

Now that the fight is over, there's still a war to win. And I can't believe you won't be fighting again. I can't believe you're gone, that we didn't even try to save you. I know it's nobody's fault, but Quaritch's. Nevertheless I can't help thinking things could have been different. After your burial, I fought with your father. It was selfish. Selfish of me to call him out for letting you go so easily, for accepting that there was no saving you. I got mad at him for going soft, being clueless when he grew up a solider. I cried because I knew things he didn't and was terrified. I yelled at him because he didn't double check Quaritch's body. Because I knew Miles saved his father and was too shameful to admit it. I knew he did, because I would've saved my father too, had it been him. And you know what ? I was grounded for it. I guess I forget who he was for a moment. God I could barley look at him in the eye while arguing.

I miss you. Your brother is taking up your role and is acting somewhat more mature. Kiri has been having more seizures and is always missing. I think she's finding refuge in the secluded areas, where it's quiet. Tuk comes to me a lot to talk about you. She misses you so much. You know I thought about how, if I stayed on Earth I'd probably be in pre med by now. Health is the only thing that matters now back home. I wanted to work in science boosted fashion, creating clothes to heal and protect my weak people. I now find myself wanting to save yours. Wanting to know the body, enough to heal a bullet wound.

When I find a way to travel back to my planet, I want to leave in peace. I want to leave with no regrets. I want to leave, knowing war wouldn't hit your family again. I want to leave, with my people, and for them to never look back. I'd love for us to care about Earth, but I'm afraid it is now too late to stop its decay, or that we wouldn't even try. I want to leave with a smile on my face, and on the faces of the ones I'm leaving behind. Buisness done, case closed. I want to go back home, to die in peace with it. And when I do, I hope, and I'll pray everyday until then, that Ey'wa will allow me to see you again. I can only wish for Ey'wa to let me rest with you.

Next time we'll see each other, I'll ask you first, to surprise you, "Let's go for a walk".

I love you. Today as forever.

I see you. Neteyam.

Thank you.

#neteyam #avatar #the way of water spoilers #sully family #x reader #avatar : the way of water #neteyam x y/n #neteyam fanfiction #neteyam fic #neteyam x you

warnings: angst i guess?

relationship: rindou haitani × mafia reader

a/n: its my 1st time doing this 😔 since 2015 wattpad so bear with me please .

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Legs aching, eyes lost in the blinding sea of lights, I wondered where the car was heading to. It had been a while since we'd met, parting on bad terms some month ago. Not once did he bother looking at me, as questions were flooding my thoughts, I murmured something unconsciously, fingers rhythmly tapping on my phone case. He laughed. Not sure if it was a scoff or a genious giggle, I ignored him.

"Have you seriously lost your mind?"

My mind wondered, had I ? How come I forget his behaviour, how come I act all bratty knowing I might as well die as he'd flick his fingers towards me. I had mumbled something about how he'd have to be a crazy bastard to bring me back where we used to meet. Apparently it was exactly why he had come for me. I looked at him from the wing mirror, memories of other rides monopolizing my head.

"Why'd you even come for me? Isn't it you who's lost their mind?"

He knew damn too well I wouldn't give into him as easily as before. Not anymore. Not now that I knew everything he had done and wished to do. He was no fool, I wasn't as malleable as other chicks that would swoon over him in the blink of an eye, because he had his stupid good looks and a ridiculously tempting way of talking. His pistol cocked, the sound filling the car, aiming it at my thigh, he warned me silently, eyes not leaving the traffic. At this point, the old me would've been begging for forgiveness, for punishment. He was annoyed by the lack of reaction from my side, but I never noticed it, too focused on what wise words to speak, to survive. This ride felt like a ride to hell, oh how I came to resent my innocent self for falling into him so deeply, I had no one else, I was alone. I was my only possible saviour.

"I'm working to pay you back. I don't know what kind of trick you think you are playing on me, but you might as well stop it now and drop me off here. No way I'm going to work for you again Haitani."

He took a turn to the right, and to the left to park into a dark alley. Other cars were parked, on a perfect line, letting the shiniest car to the front, his car, admired by his coworkers. He adjusted his leather gloves onto his slender hands, putting his pistol back onto its belt. Dusting nothing but air off of his blazer, he turned the engine off, finally daring to look at my frail figure, glued on the seat, knowing there was no other option than to obey him as soon as we'd step out of that stupid sports car. He smirked, well aware that I could resist all I wanted, I was still scared shitless of this place, of the thing he'd do.

"Listen, you don't have anywhere else to go, am I right? You do this the best pretty girl. Clients have been requesting you. I'll pay you plenty. Treat you real good. You know that I always do."

His voice was as smooth as butter. Had I been tipsy, I would've given in. Had it been a few weeks ago, I would've run in his arms, crying about how much I loved and missed him. His hand caressed my cheek, eyes fixed onto mine, acting all sweet. How disgusting. I reacted out of character, fleeing away from his warm touch, afraid I'd relapse. I was doing just fine without him, working here and there to earn as much as I could, letting my pride and ego on the side, just to repay him, so that he'd let me alone. It never was in his plans to let me go, I made a ton shit of money working for him, cash that would fall in his pockets, while mine stayed pretty much empty. I used to let it slide, as he fucked the life out of me for said compensation.

"I'm not as naïve as I used to be. Not every girl is waiting for you to pick them up again after you ruined their lives. Let me go Haitani. I'll pay you back."

He never intended to. And I was dumb to think he would if I asked nicely. If he were to speak his mind, truthfully, no filter, he would admit not needing any more money. The thing that made him come back wasn't his precious gold and honestly he had no idea why he always came back. The guys had teased him enough already for him to notice it wasn't in his natural behaviour to go back to some girl he once played with succinctly. It annoyed him oh so very much that that girl wouldn't fall back into his game of push and pull. As I stayed put, in the leather seat, I caught a glimpse of him putting away his mean stare, looking down at me with pure consideration, his mind wandering on something I wouldn't pinpoint.

"Now that we're here you can't go without meeting the boys, hm? pretty."

I hadn't noticed that his gun was still cocked in his belt. Acting bratty was all cool and relieving after submitting so much to his orders but I still wanted to walk out of today alive, with both of my legs. I agreed with a move of the head. He got out of the car first and as I watched him come to my side, I caught myself hoping he would drop dead, letting me escape, disapear, run, far away, to the other side of the world if I had to. The sound of the door opening, his warmth covering me as he bent over to unlock my seatbelt made me realise he wouldn't die so easily. I couldn't dare to look at him, his essence enough to make me breathless. He offered me his hand as I pleaded him to let me go with teary eyes that only made his smirk grow wider. I placed my feet on the concrete, legs shaking, eyes unable to concentrate on one thing. He took me to that hellish proprety of his, looking like a war winner, all fucking proud and shit, not giving a single fuck to how I almost fainted every step I took inside that gigantic hall. He looked good, he looked fine, not a single hint of worry or anxiety on his face, he looked happy. I hated him for being joyfull even when he was in a shitty gang, even when he came back all red from all the blood spilled. I despise him because I was miserable, I was dependent, I was poor, and couldn't even afford to go to college because I wasn't a genious, I had to sell my body and soul to guys like him to see a glimpse of light. I probably betrayed my country in my past life to live this kind of hell.

"Wear your prettiest smile princess. Can't look pitifull in front of the boys right ?"

"I despise you Haitani. Why the fuck can't you let me go uh? Fucking obsessed ?"

It was something in the way he looked at me, somethin in the way he stopped right before the door that made me realise I'd hit the jackpot. The reason he couldn't, wouldn't leave me the fuck alone, the thing that made him come back was because he was obsessed. Obsessed because I wasn't. Because I defied him, because I ran away and never came back on my own. I was stunned, almost caught myself laughing before his slender fingers tapped my tight, the exact place here he had scarred me in he past. I remembered that night, the urge to laugh dying in my throat as he opened the door, revealing the other members of his stupid gang rulling over the fucking world if you listened to them.

Ran, his brother laughed when he saw us looking at his peers as if he had won the lottery. They probably betted on it, seeing how the money hungry Hajime Kokonoi was pissed. Nothing changed, they looked the exact same, talked the exact same, behaved the exact same. I kept telling myself they had reasons for becoming who they had become but honestly speaking I couldn't care anymore, even if they had the most terrible childhood, even if they had been backstabbed, abandoned, mistreated or abused, I just couldn't care less. The only one I wanted to pity was their leader looking as if he was already dead, not accepting his fate at all, but something told me he may as well be the worst, else, why would he have been their leader.

"Say hello. Or, do you wanna stay with them longer? I thought you wanted to run. So much you cried."

I bowed mumbling a shy hello in the most polite way, I never even greeted my grand parents this politely. How pathetic of me, I thought I grew to be fearless. Nonetheless these men made me remember anyone could be a prey, however hardly anyone could be a predator. The younger Haitani sweetly murmured a good girl in my ears before leaving, taking me away form these sharks. At least he didn't make me stay all night there, cornered by dirty money, suffocating smoke and filthy moans all night. Maybe, he knew what to do to soothe my anxiety, had it all planned for me to go way back to the poor teenager I'd been. Maybe, I was defying all of his pre-made plans, but I had no way to know whether I was ahead of him or if it was the other way around. We walked to his office ㅡ brand new office ㅡ, there, he surprisingly offered me to sit, pouring me a drink, settling in front of me, the massive designer desk separating us and it amused me thinking how we never sat so far away from each other.

"Tell me now pretty, don't you have something to confess?"

"I don't think so. But you, you do have something to confess to yourself."

He raised an eyebrow. It was no secret I always talked back, but I had never been that free to speak my mind, that able to fight back his vicious words.

"Why'd you pretend to be so precious, so fucking fragile huh?"

"Oh god, you'd have done the same. You loved me like that, and I needed you to."

He sneered. His hypothesis was right. And between those four walls, I decided not to lie anymore to the fool he made himself.

"When the fuck did it all start? Since when have you been on their side?"

"It started around the time you were leading Roppongi Kyougoku."

"Fuck you were twelve at the time."

"Well, you were only thirteen, what's the point in being so shocked. It's only natural we keep our territoires under surveillance."

He probably had many questions he wanted to ask. I wanted to know if he had kept his suspisions for himself. We had always been silent about the gangs, their fights, when they killed each other for ego and nothing more valuable. We had been so quiet, they never suspected we knew everything. Of course I was afraid of them, afraid of what they had done to me, even when I expected them to do those things. And I had caught myself falling for that asshole times and times again. But never had I forget why I was there in the first place.

"Why'd you never stick around my brother. Because if it goes back to Roppongi Kyougoku, it was us, not me right."

"You were easier to fool Rin. You were so full of yourself, you believed every girl was ar your feet. All I had to do was act submissively, shed tears here and there and you fell in my trap."

I knew Ran, his brother warned him, he was more observant when it came to his family. Now that I know Rindou was obsessed, I understand why he never listened to the older guys. Honestly I would've loved him to just let me go, never ask anything about who I was, what I did, where I came from. I was fine leaving like that, with him thinking I was a crybaby, a poor, idiotic girl who knew absolutely nothing.

Unfortunately, at this point in time, I had to kill him. I knew Bonten would never join forces with us, it was my last resort. Their building had high technology security, men twice my height and built at every corner, and eight crazy murderers, wanted all over Japan. I had my hands to struggle him, my legs to run away and my eyes to cry as I beg for forgiveness or feign innocence when they catch me.

On the other side, Rindou was talent aback. The fact he tried so hard to deny, had been revealed eight in his face. The words "you were easier to fool", monopolized his mind, the fact I called him Rin, making him understand I was on a pedestal, no longer his doll.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't fucking lie to me. Not an ounce of regret is showing on your face. Don't fucking say you're sorry if you're just gonna backstab me again."

"I mean it."

"You're not gonna fool me twice. I may be an easier target than Ran but I'm not a complete moron."

It didn't feel right. I could hear my father scold me about my reluctance to end him. Other membres were dealing with other Bonten exectuives, one way or another, we were going to tear them apart. But I had never seen this look on his face, eyes puffy, trying to hold back some tears, breathe heavy. He looked terrible, betrayed and I hated myself for pitying him.

"I would've love to love you. And I hope you'll trust me when I say I'm sorry. Because I know you can understand where I'm standing. I don't have a choice."