uno @wobbling-penguin - Tumblr Blog

I find Peace with you and I lose it with you.

Peace when we're together.

Peace when we're more than okay.

Peace when I feel safe with you.

But I lose it

by the rest of the reason.

I want to be alone and it's not fair to people who've been giving their time to help. But it spares me from thinking too much for the sake of others. Time alone is my comfort.

you never see

I cry every night

I cry every day

I cry every midnight

I cry in the middle of the day

& you dont see it

bc I cry internally

Why?

I was able to tell you some.

I was hesitant because I knew your answers and I knew how you gonna act.

I knew youd only view it as "stressing"

I was able to cry.

I was able to.

There was a long pause after.

I was waiting for you to say something.

But of course, you'd say "I'm sleepy I'll go sleep now. I love you."

It was my fault that I became too attached to what you gave the first few months we were talking.

I know I was able to tell you some and why do I feel it was still not enough?

I never liked it this way.

All I want is for you to treat me right.

For us to be happy.

To be able to protect each other in public and correct in private.

Because of how short you restrict the both of us talk about the matter.

So, how? How will I be able to go to the point where I can tell you everything without fear?

When will the time come when you're just going to listen and tell me this is what we are going to do?

Why just me?

Show some care. Show some respect.

At least listen and control yourself to not be selfish this time. Why not try that and see how we are going to make it?

Make me feel safe. Make me feel content. Make me feel how you used to make me feel good.

Treat me right.

I love you but the truth is you cannot accept that it is your fault that is why you react in negative ways.

You want to win.

And this is not about winning.

This is about helping each other.

You'd say youre going to make it right.

When will you do it?

I am afraid this will make me upset and hurt me again.

What are you going to do when I stop trying?

Are you just going to do what you want and leave me hanging again?

If that is so then just leave me.

Stop loving me. If you are going to be this way again and again. Then might as well stop it. Because you know I am hurting.

Yes, we're old.

Then try to act one.

Ignoring your partner and enjoying in your pleasures is not considered as being old or "matured". It's immaturity.

Do not make me dumb. I know what I do. and that is why most of the time I don't say it right ahead because I am still observing.

I am tired. I am tired of feeling being used, of feeling like I'm not important.

Be consistent. and be a Man.

Be the Justin I liked, that I love.

If you want to play around still do not include me. Leave me.

pretentiousness.

why does it feel like every thing doesnt feel real? whenever im were far from each other it always feel like youre just pretending.

I dont know what to believe anymore.

no more.

I dont want to sleep at night carrying all these weights no more. ive been doing this for the past 3 years. why does it has to be heavier along the way?

dont let me sleep like this.

Just.

I am willing to bet. I am willing to take risks. If not for you, then I won't. So , don't take it for granted. Don't just watch me be destroyed. Don't let me hanging again. I hope you open up your eyes sooner.. before it gets too late.

My Just, don't take your time. Give more. Do more. Do good. Respect more. Love more. Be nicer. To me, that is.

Don't be too "friendly" to others. I know you are like that and you also like the attention of others. You may say you're just being nice and it's not to me but we've gone through that phase before. Think a hundred times. It may hurt me.

Also stop saying you're doing stuff for me when it's not.

You've made your promises.

I am getting tired... of thinking most of what you're giving are just lies... I am tired of analyzing and stepping on illusionnary steps.

I hope you won't justify that there's really no consistency nor truth in men left in this world anymore.

I hope once you read these it betters our future. Don't make my love and vision unnecessary.

Keep ignoring the signs. You saw it. You've seen them yet you chose to give attention to what entertains you. This what makes me regret in making you go in to the world of Instagram. Though that may sound Selfish to you and the others.

This hurts.

Sana.

Alam ko'ng napapansin mo na.

Alam ko'ng pinipili mo lang na hindi pansinin at gawan ng paraan.

Alam ko'ng para sa iyo tapos na ang dalawang salita na inulit mo para ako'y mapa-imik sa aking nararamdaman at naiisip.

Alam ko'ng hanggang dalawang ulit ng, "Kumusta Ka?" ka lamang at wala na sa iyo.

Alam ko'ng hindi mo alam na ako ang nag-aadjust parati para sa atin.

Alam ko'ng hindi mo matatanggap itong mga ito dahil naaayon sa iyong mundo.

Alam ko'ng alam mo'ng may mali samantala wala ka'ng naiisip na magawa para ako'y huminto sa aking paghihirap. Kung mayroon man saglitan lang kahit na alam mo'ng dapat parati kaso para sa iyo masyadong maraming gawain iyon at naiirita ka lang.

Alam ko'ng halos puro palusot ka lang din kapag alam mo'ng tama naman talaga mga sinasabi 'ko.

Alam mo'ng may duda pa rin sa akin pero minamasama mo pa ito at ibinabato sa akin imbes na nagiisip ka at inaaksyonan para sa ating dalawa.

Alam mo'ng sobrang mainit ang ulo mo kaya lagi kang nakikipagkompitensiya rin.

Alam ko'ng wala lang sa iyo pag dating sa akin.

Alam ko'ng hindi na ikaw yung dati pag dating sa akin.

Alam ko'ng ang dami mo pa'ng kailangang baguhin at ayusin.

Alam ko'ng hindi ka perpekto at alam mo'ng hindi yun ang hanap ko.

Alam ko'ng balewala lang sa iyo kapag dating sa mga kaibigan o pamilya mo tungkol sa akin.

Alam ko'ng gusto mo nakukuha mo gusto mo.

Alam ko'ng ayaw mo magpatalo.

Alam ko'ng napaka-Pride mo at mataas ang Ego mo.

Alam ko'ng may hindi ka sinasabi sa akin.

Alam ko'ng halos puro salita at pangako ka lang.

Alam ko'ng tumitingin ka sa iba.

Alam ko'ng wala kang pake kapag nagsasabi ako ng tungkol sa akin na halos sangkot ang mga tao sa paligid mo o ikaw dahil sa kilos mo at mga ikling salitang mas mahaba pa ang nasasabi mo sa laro kesa sa akin.

Alam ko'ng dito ko lang masasabi 'to dahil hindi mo maiintindihan.

Alam ko'ng iisipin mo'ng minamaliit ka kahit nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo na dapat mo'ng binabago hindi minamasama.

Alam ko'ng marami pa mag antay ka lang.

Alam ko'ng alam mo mga dapat baguhin at gawin pero pinipili mong ibalewala na lamang pagkalipas ng ilang oras o ilang araw.

Alam ko'ng hanggang sa panliligaw lang nagpapakita ng effort at pagtitiyaga ang mga lalake kaso pinili kita dahil akala ko magiging consistent ka at gagawin mga pangako kapag nabigay ko na ang hinihiling mo sa akin.

Alam ko'ng hindi ka handa sa kahit anumang peligro o sitwasyong pasukan ko kapag nandiyaan na ako sa tabi mo.

Alam ko mas pipiliin mo pa sila kesa sa akin.

Alam ko'ng sa mga oras na kailangan kita ay mawawala ka.

Ako'y napapagod na, hindi ko maintindihan.... Sa isang oras mapapanatag ako, sa susunod mababagabag at masasaktan na naman ako.

Alam ko'ng nakakasawa at nakakairita pero hindi ba ito ang mga pinangako mo'ng babaguhin mo, papasayahin at tatratuhin akong reyna?

Alam ko'ng hindi,mo,kinakaya ang pagiging pranka ko kayat namamasama mo na hindi,mo,alam ikakaligtas mo rin.

Alam mo'ng mahilig ka'ng magsabi ng "Ang bata nang ganto," kahit ang dating no'n sa akin ay nababalewala ang nararamdaman ko na para sa iyo napeperwisyo ka lang at walang magawa kaya't "Pang bata" lang sa paningin mo.

At sa nagbibilang oras ngayon, alam ko'ng uma-asa na naman ako sa mga salita mo...na ikapapahamak ko lamang sa panahon.

Sana mali ako...

Help.

Whenever im going deep in the past or how I feel at the present, I try to stop it with picturing you in my head. I try to remember your words. I try because I dont want to succumb because I know once I remember the pain from the past and watch your moves everything becomes questionnable. everything has changed. I know. you and I know. But when will time come when youre treating me like I really am just your one again? Why is this so hard. And I try because of you. I try but please show me youre trying too. show me your words. show me youre passionate about me. show your love to me. the love that I let in the then that I trusted. show me who I loved but also show me how you treat me RIGHT.

I try because its just you.

Being in love is so difficult.

its such a difficult thing when youre both went through such destructive states together but ended up knowing you only want each other. but of course thingsve changed its inevitable given the circumstances. now how do we hold on? how do we face and fight it? how do we tell our thoughts and our feelings to the other person without them judging with them understanding respecting and knowing then doing some changes to support or to not let you feel the pain? things are so different when were together and when were not. hes a different person now I know but why is it so painful? why am I so confused? is it because im hanging by his promises? or is it because I see things and its so hard what to believe;his acts or his words. im scared.

how? somebody tell me. please.