my thoughts

an account full of my random thoughts,,,

[woeandvoid]

maybe I just love anime because...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE anime no matter what. But there's this thought that has been haunting me and it's the fact that maybe I just love anime because it's not real. I know, there are realistic sides of anime and most of it are loosely based on reality but have you ever thought about how hard it is to be a person? to be real? Because I have. 

In real world, socializing is very hard, at least for me. You have to intently focus to understand someone, you have to search and be wary for social cues, you don't know what other people are thinking and that sometimes leads to overthinking. It's so tiring. 

But in anime? You can understand their personality, learnーsometimes hearー their thoughts through monologue, and discover who the characters are by just watching and analyzing them. It's easy. Their facial expressions change, drastically and their eyes hold so much emotions that you can literally know what they're feeling just by looking at them. 

While in real world, some people are too good in hiding how they feel, some people purposely lead you on to a different thinking process, and some people are just so hard to read. Do you understand my point? Remember I said 'maybe' I just love anime, well, I take that back. I love anime because of its everything and thisーthis is just a small part of that everything.

[woeandvoid]

Fleeting Memory

Have you ever felt like whatever you’re doing right now will gradually fade away? A moment not captured or recorded feels like a loss. While recording everything feels like permanence, that it’s always there and you won’t forget. 

Memories are always with you but do you remember everything that has ever happened in your life? Every minute, second of it? It’s ironic because life is said to be short yet however short it is, you do not have the capacity to remember all of it.

You will not remember every face you see, every conversation you had, every meal you took — those things will fade. But what you felt and learned in those moments won’t. 

There will come a time where you will try to remember what happened in your first day of high school, your first time in an amusement park, or your first movie and you will not remember every detail of it. But you will realize that the excitement, thrill, and curiosity you had felt in those times is still there, hidden within all the emotions you accumulated over the years. 

Does it bother you? That your memories fade? That it is permanent but it will eventually be erased? Well, it did bother me. But I learned that I just had to capture as many moments I can, record every thoughts I’ve thought of, and materialize the emotions I had felt. 

[woeandvoid]

Thoughts

Leaving wasn’t the hardest part, heck, it was the easiest. The hardest thing she had to encounter was the thoughts. The thoughts eating her was enough to make her go mad.

“Was what I did right?”

“Am I the one to blame?”

“Were they okay?”

“Did I do something?”

“Should I have done something?”

“What do they think of me?”

“What is this I’m feeling?”

“What are these thoughts?”

“Am I going mad?”

“If I can turn back time, would I have done the same thing?”

“I don’t care anymore.”

What she didn’t realize was the regret would fill her up and eventually, she’ll give up.

[woeandvoid]

Like anybody else.

Like anybody else, I open my eyes and check my phone (usually takes half an hour) for any messages or notifications from my social media accounts. *or if someone heart-ed my post on Instagram.

Like anybody else, I envy the people on my Instagram feed. Why does it seem like their everyday lives are much more thrilling than mine? I can see their stories full of adventures to Starbucks, mall, even groceries. While here I am, lying on my bed all day, checking out other people's lives.

Like anybody else, I go to school. Every morning, I feel tired and wishes to go home but when the class ends, there will be an invisible force forcing me to stay because school is where I have fun. I 'hate' school. You wake up and feel the obligation to do tasks you don't like yet you can't stop from having fun because that's where you meet your friends, you socialize with people.

Like anybody else, I do things I want the moment I go home. Watch Netflix, read books, or maybe sleep until morning comes. Yes, I sometimes forget my homeworks, and it's fine. My teacher can scold me for not doing it and it's my fault. I learn from my mistakes and I do something to change it, that's what matters.

I want to prove that being normal is good, but still, it depends on how people define normalcy. There are some people who thinks that a certain attitude is normal and some are not. I think, we are all unique in our own ways and we don't have to change ourselves to fit someone's version of perfect. We are all different, we have to accept that.