The lone wolf dies

I… thank you. It’s always different to have someone say it to you, you know?

Oh some of them do, absolutely. I’m going to ask those, I’m sure they can help, they’re probably going to launch into passionate tirades. Oh dear. So he had a tv in his apartment that didn’t work because he hadn’t plugged it in?

I don’t really remember the name… Galactic something? I’m really not sure, I’ll have to ask him again.

Yes… I know what you mean. But maybe that’s just what works well then? To see it in each other so that there’s always someone to remind you?

Okay, great, let me go get them. I’ll take the plates, you just stay here.

#chat #chat dorcas #chat dorcas 2 #kitchen panic

Yes, okay, yeah, maybe ... and you're welcome, just ... just the truth.

What, they will hold a passionate speech about their TV, really? And well, he had only just bought it, so it wasn't that bad, but yeah, it was standing there and he couldn't get it to work until I told him how.

Galactic ...? I thought maybe Star Trek, but ... oh wait, maybe Battlestar Galactica? I think I've seen an episode or two, and it looked amazing!

So you're trying to tell me that you want to remind me of any possibly heroic things I might have done?

No, come on, let me help you, you already made dinner.

I… what?

I have no idea, actually. I’m going to ask around a bit, there are quite a few people who know more about this stuff than I do. I have one or the other non-wizard nerd in my family. One of them told me about this science fiction series he’s watching just recently, maybe I’m going to have to ask him.

Maybe I can ask him about that too, if he has any idea how they do these things on tv.

Well, if you weren’t taken hostage, you had a part in freeing those who were. Isn’t that even more admirable, in a way?

Yeeeaaah no. I bought chocolage pudding and put it into the fridge.

#chat #chat dorcas #chat dorcas 2 #kitchen panic

You ... you know, you look good, you know that ...!

Right, maybe one of your cousins does have a TV? They could maybe tell us all we need .... though I installed it at Sirius' place, because he had no idea that it needs to be plugged in, you know? And wait, what science fiction series are you talking about?

Yeah ... maybe. I don't know, it's always easier to see others being heroic than oneself, you know what I mean?

Okay, chocolate pudding sounds wonderful, though. I think I'd take one, thank you.

But you know what they also say, right? “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Wise words, thank you ... if only more people considered them as well.

You're going to get a broken heart if you keep it up little wolf.

Too late.

If you don't have asthma, are you running a lot?

No. No, can't say that either.

Do you hate it

Hate what, please?

Favorite kind of music?

I don’t have a specific type that I listen to. It depends a lot on my mood, actually.But I like a lot of muggle bands like Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles of course, best there is, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Journey or Cat Stevens, or Queen. Sometimes even a little Elvis or even ABBA. Like I said, it very much depends on the situation and my mood.

raiserofwolves

The Lone Wolf Dies | Remus Lupin and Fenrir Greyback

raiserofwolves

So many questions… it hurt Fenrir to think the lad had been living with this his whole life, believing he was a monster when he was really just different. Better. Marie looked at her packmate, eyes wide and sad. “It’s nice to meet you, Remus.” She fidgeted a little, desperate to put her arms around him, to hold him as she would hold any of her brothers and sisters, if they were lost and confused as he was. “Can’t you see that… you’re meant to be here? We’re your brothers and sisters, you’re meant to be with us. Can’t you see? This is your pack, and we’ve been waiting for you for a very long time.” She smiled, and took a step back as Fenrir moved forwards.

“To answer your questions, lad. We kill what we need to eat, and we kill what we’re directed to. I do work for the Dark Lord, to help our cause. This way I can turn more people, make them see our side, force them to understand that we are not senseless creatures who kill at random. You don’t have to be, either. You can be like us. I care for all my pack, and they look after each other. We’re family, and more than that. We love unconditionally, no matter what anyone is or has done.”

“You can be free.” Marie rejoined, stepping to Fenrir’s flank, her expression open and honest. “Don’t you want that?” Fenrir could sense her puzzlement, and knew she couldn’t understand her brother’s reluctance to rejoin his estranged pack. Joining the pack had given her everything she’d ever dreamed of, a family, protection from anyone who sought to hurt her, unconditional love and respect, and most importantly, power. She was fast, strong, agile, and her keen sense of smell and hearing let her rule the forest and the streets. She possessed the same careless command of regular people that all the wolves had, lazy arrogance because of their abilities. It wasn’t unwarranted either, the pups were stronger than the average young adult, and could track anyone for up to about two days, sometimes longer.

Remus would have those abilities, too, Fenrir thought to himself, if only he stopped fighting, being afraid of who he was. “We are strong and powerful and sharper. We can talk to the wind and have it answer us. We can follow our prey blindfolded, if we needed to. There’s no aspect where we are not better. You don’t have to be a monster, Remus. Join us, I can teach you how to become the wolf, instead of fighting it, because every full moon, lad, the wolf will win. Y’ can’t fight him.” His eyes were dark with understanding. “I never had this chance. I grew up alone, fighting the wolf just like you are. And then I learned to let him in, to let him be a part of me, and you have no idea the freedom it gave me.”

#para #para fenrir #the lone wolf dies

Remus could only stare at Marie and wonder. Wonder how old she was now, how old she had been when she had been bitten, how long she was already with Fenrir, and how much of what she was telling was really true, and not just the lies that someone might have planted in her head to keep her around. Of course there were things here that sounded more than appealing to Remus. Of course some of these promises were what he had always longed for. But there was still so much that repelled him, so much he simply couldn’t agree with.

“I used to have a family,” he croaked, looking from her to Fenrir and back, “I was supposed to be with them,” and they had been supposed to have a son that wasn’t a monster. And not something like him, just because Fenrir wanted to make his father pay … he still couldn’t believe that this was supposed to be the way that it had been, 13 years ago, that it was his father’s fault that he had to live like this. But even if … he would never blame him. Remus knew that his parents had loved him and that they had done everything within their powers and beyond to try and find a cure.

“What do you kill? Who do you kill?” Remus directed his attention back to Fenrir, a slight anger rising in him that gave him the courage to speak on, even though he could feel his heart beating in his chest and his hands trembling. “Anyone, just because he says so? You turn randomly people, damn them to a life like this, to make them see that you’re not monsters? But this is exactly what a monster would do!” He glared at the packleader, his hands balled into tight fists. “That way you won’t make them understand, that way you only make it worse! No matter how much you might care for one another, people will fear you, because you threaten and terrorise them, and that will only lead to more hatred, don’t you see that?”

Remus dragged his hand through his hair, not believing that he was here, in the middle of a pack of werewolves, no idea where he was, staring into the eyes of the man who had done the worst to him. And that he was actually arguing with him. “And you’re not free at all. You work for him! You follow his orders, and he wants to create a world full of pure bloods, do you really think he wants to have that ruined by those whose blood has been contaminated? Sooner or later you would just be the next on his list, don’t you see that? All of this … all of this is just wrong …” He shook his head, eyes wide with terror and disbelief. Maybe they were right about the dynamics within the pack. Maybe Fenrir was even right about controlling the wolf, that giving in would eventually make Remus stronger, and more secure with handling everything, but he wasn’t willing to pay the price that giving in meant. He wouldn’t kill anyone, he wouldn’t work for the Dark Lord and betray everyone he loved. “The wolf won’t win. I won’t let him.”

It's time to begin || Dorcas & Remus

“Private?” Dorcas glanced over at him in surprise. She wasn’t sure what he meant, if he thought it was something secret or anything. But she shrugged the thought off, because in the end what did it matter, and instead smiled a little at his awkward gesturing. “It was. I mean, it’s not like we’re complete strangers, or he wouldn’t have sat down to chat with me in the first place. But that he was there in that moment, that he knew about this apartment being free next door, that it even was free at all, all of those were great coincidences. But sometimes they just happened nevertheless, and Dorcas was damn grateful that it was that way.

“Well, disasters, I don’t know… the one was really nice, but as I said, just way too expensive. The other was a mess though, and even one I didn’t feel like fixing with magic. The apartment itself was eww, but I could have imagined a better area too, to be honest. So… I’m just really glad it worked out like this,” she concluded, her smile widening.

At his next words, confusion flickered over her face though. “This? You mean this right here? No! Why do you think it doesn’t meet my expectations? I think it’s amazing, because… yes, you’re saying it all, there doesn’t really seem to be a catch, right?” Dorcas had to smile when his gaze wandered out of the windows, and she followed him, enjoying it herself for a moment. So this would be her view from now on… It was kind of hard to believe.

“No, me neither. Not that much anyway,” she shrugged lightly and turned back to Remus. “All I knew was what Amy told us, and… well, then now. You’re right, maybe he wouldn’t because he was so used to having her around. I think it does change the perception of younger people, yes, but I’m still essentially a stranger to him. Who knows though, I’ll just see what’s going to happen when we’ll live next door to each other.

It was heartwarming, really, to see the delight come to life on Remus’ face as she confirmed that she was going to take it. That simply happiness at something good happening to someone else was something that couldn’t be seen often, and once again she regretted that she had never made an effort of getting closer to Remus before. Because he more than deserved it.

It was just as obvious though when he sank deep into thought, nibbling softly on his lip, and Dorcas anticipated his answer keenly. She did want him to consider it. It was something spontaneous, acting on a feeling, really, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t very serious about this. Out of all the people she had thought to ask about concerning this, possibly living together with her, he was the first where she felt that it would really work out.

His question caught her a bit off guard, and Dorcas paused for a moment to consider this herself. But it only took a moment until she, holding Remus’ gaze, shook it softly. “No… not really…”

So when he actually gave his consent, Dorcas’ eyes widened, her lips parted, and her heart made an excited jump. “What… really? Do you really mean that? You really would?”

#para #para dorcas #it's time to begin

“Yeah well, you know, not ‘private’ private, just … nah, never mind, I don’t know what I was thinking, really,” Remus laughed, and just waved it off. “Well, I guess sometimes we also need to have some luck? I mean, you know, with everything going on, I guess it’s just fair to have something good for a change?” He smiled gently at her, because she really deserved a bit of luck, as they all did, and that she seemed to have found something she was excited about made him happy as well. Smiles and laughs were a rare thing these days, so seeing someone else putting on one of those that wasn’t faked or forced felt simply good to him.

“I know, London isn’t cheap, I don’t even want to know how much Sirius had to pay for his place every month,” he shook his head, knowing that the bits of money he took from James every month weren’t by far enough to compensate for half the rent, but Sirius had refused to take any more, if he took it at all. So Remus had went on to buying food for them instead, to do at least something, even though in the end, it still wasn’t really his money. “But I wouldn’t want you to live in any dodgy area, please. Especially not alone and not, you know, in these times. I mean, not like it’s any safer in the more crowded or expensive areas, but … you know. Just because. This here is awesome though.” And it was an area that was just perfectly located, not too famous to be the first center of attention, still having easy access to London city yet far enough away to not be in immediate danger.

He laughed at Dorcas reaction and shrugged his shoulders. “No, just because you said that maybe your standards were too high, like you were somehow still looking after all, you know? Even though I really doubt that it could get any better than this any time soon. And no, I don’t see any, especially since you already know someone in the neighbourhood, so you’re not even alone and always have someone nearby. And that view is amazing.” He smiled, and briefly glanced over to her when he noticed that she had been following his example and was looking out of the window. “So you like what you see?”

Right, he had heard Amy talking about Caradoc one time or the other, but since Amy hadn’t really been in his circle of friends either (because really, who had been, the other Marauders aside?), he didn’t have any picture about the man himself, except what he knew from the Order. “I’m sure you’ll get along well, otherwise he wouldn’t have helped you to get this apartment. Or suggested it, I mean.”

That Dorcas would really take this apartment made Remus happy indeed, seeing how much she really seemed to like it. And really, there was nothing to complain about so far. Even the other neighbours seemed to be quiet at this time of the day, making all of this pretty much perfect. And he was glad that Dorcas would experience that kind of luck, doubting that the landlord wouldn’t also welcome her with open arms.

It was Dorcas’ reply though, that made Remus decide in the end. With him feeling like Sirius hadn’t wanted him around much longer, even though the reason for their disagreements wasn’t even really an issue anymore, and here being someone who actually seemed to want him around, there was only a small bit of doubt that he needed to overcome.

“Yes … yes, I guess I would. If you really want me to, I’m moving in with you …” There would be complications, he knew that, but hopefully he would be able to hide certain things from her, if he only stuck to the privacy of his room for most of the day. Though there were still a few questions that needed to be answered. “Just, uhm, what about the rent and everything …?”

Nothing to thank me for, really.

Oh, I don’t know, I could imagine one or the other girl doing it. Millicent could, actually, without any problem. Alice too, I think. Maybe Hestia, she has nice curves to pull it off too.

Hmmm… do you think we should get a TV? If they have all those things, I feel like I’m missing out. Especially if you say they’re awesome. And I’m sure the people doing these things have tricks too, we probably just don’t know anything about it.

What you’ve all been going through. You’re no exception to that, Remus. But you just proved your own point, so I’ll rest my case.

Good! How do you feel about dessert?

#chat #chat dorcas 2 #chat dorcas #kitchen panic

Thanks, uhm … you .. you too. I mean, you look good ..

Oh yeah, Millicent could probably wear it, I think a lot of the girls could … you .. you could, too.

I, uhm, I don’t know how expensive a TV is? I mean, it was great, it is really interesting, and to have one would be awesome, but not if that means any trouble or anything, you know? I know, they must have, I just think this is really fascinating, you know? I’m curious about these things, that’s all.

I’m not … I wasn’t taken hostage or .. I mean … not like … never mind. I just don’t see myself like that, that’s all.

Dessert? Like what? Don’t tell me you also made dessert? But nothing that could burn, right?

Making wishes in the dark

ben-jy-fen-wick

It was obvious that Remus was surprised to see him. Benjy wondered if he had thought it was just another doctor, or if he had thought he’d get another visitor. Or if he was simply surprised that it was Benjy who had come to visit him. It made him a little nervous, but since their last encounter, every thought of Remus had somehow made him nervous.

He didn’t want things between them to get strange or awkward. He had always enjoyed Remus’ company so much and now, since two months, finally the warmth of his friendship. And he still wasn’t sure where they stood now. What this was. He had played every possible scenario over in his head, but nothing had really left him feeling good. And he had cursed himself for having let that happen, to bring so much uncertainty to their relationship, so much awkwardness and maybe hurt. That was the last thing he wanted. And he hadn’t known what to expect now, of this meeting. How Remus would react.

At first it seemed like he didn’t know at all what to say, and Benjy couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t like it was much better with him, it was just that he’d had the advantage of something customary to say this situation called for. Of course he’d say first that he didn’t want to disturb him and ask how he was.

When Remus didn’t tell him to leave again, the first possible outcome had already been eliminated. He still seemed nervous, really nervous, and the attack had obviously drawn a lot of strength as well.

Benjy came closer tentatively, not sure if he could get himself a chair or if Remus wouldn’t want that, a sign that he was planning on staying for longer than just a few moments.

“No… not a doctor,” he stated the obvious, glanced down to the tip of his shoes, and then to Remus again. “Look… if you want me to leave again, you just have to say the word, and I’ll leave, and I won’t blame you at all.” It was something he had to get out, to make sure Remus was sure of, that even if he wouldn’t want to talk, he’d understand. His gaze flickered over the other man’s pale face again, the way he held himself as if no matter how he sat, he was hurting, and that alone worried Benjy.

“What happened?” he asked softly, unable not to. Only glad that Remus had come out of that attack alive.

#para #para benjy #making wishes in the dark

The awkwardness of the scene was so very obvious, and Remus didn't know if it was himself or Benjy who seemed to be more insecure, if not even uncomfortable with the whole situation. It was all so weird. It had been so good between them, Remus had felt comfortable, had come to really like and appreciate Benjy ... and it hadn't been just Sirius' comments, but he himself had slowly learned that slowly, but certainly, he had been falling for the other boy. Remus knew himself good enough by now to see the signs, to read the language of his own body and behaviour to know that it had been true.

The realisation had frightened him, because hadn't he had a similar experience with Sirius?

The kiss had come so out of the blue, so unexpected and yet ... yet Remus had known that he had liked it. Especially now, in direct comparison to ... He shook that thought off. There was no comparison, had never been one.

And after that kiss, for a short moment, there had been some hope in Remus' mind, the crazy idea that someone he liked would actually like him in the same way as he did, especially since it had been another man. Then of course there had been fears and doubts flaming up in Remus' mind, the usual ones, that even though someone would somewhat like him, there was still his body, still the insecurities about those scars and that no one would want to look at them, for sure. But yes, hope. It had been there, as much as he had tried to deny it even, he had felt it.

Until Benjy's letter had arrived. Until Remus had realised that in his friend's eyes, he would always be just that. A friend, and that Benjy regretted what had happened.

So to see him again like this made Remus swallow and tense, nervousness rising in him that made it unable for him to meet Benjy's eyes. He knew this situation all too well, having feelings for a friend who didn't feel the same way for you. So he needed to put the same mask back on and play his part of the friend. Just that it was so hard, getting harder every time and right now he was so tired and felt like he simply couldn't.

"It's okay, of course ..." he heard himself say though, never in the world would he send someone away. After all, so far Benjy had been the only one to come by. "Take ... take a seat if you like."

Remus eventually found a position he could remain in, one that didn't hurt him all too much, and his fingers curled into his blanket, even though he told himself to relax. He had feared that question, but he had known that it would be the one he'd hear most the next few days, no matter how much he wanted to forget about what had happened.

"I was stupid," he whispered, staring down to his lap, "I didn't pay attention until he went nuts, attacked me with a knife and ... and ..." Remus swallowed hard at the memory, "and he kissed me and he wanted to ... wanted to ..."

There he broke off for good, unable to voice what else Rodolphus had said. After a moment of silence in which Remus fought with himself, he took a deep breath to continue.

"He apparated away with me. Chased me with a whip. Poisoned, obviously, before I could disapparate."

Family ties || James & Remus

folly-of-arrogance

James shook his head, rubbing his hands over his face as he said, “You did but I don’t mind. Not really the best’a dreams.” He shifted in his seat and then called out, “Hokey, would’ya mind-“

The little House Elf was already moving forward with two large mugs of tea. Glancing at Remus, she smiled (she’d always loved Remus) and said, “Two sugars and cream for Master Remus.”

Turning to James, her voice held a gentility that was unusual for the Elf who was normally sniping and griping with him as she said, “Hokey made it extra strong for Master James.”

James nodded his thanks, taking the cup, and was surprised to find the capable little hand curling over his knee once it was free of it’s burden. He glanced down at the House Elf…

And damned near lost it again when he saw the expression in her wizened face. Reaching out, he caught her little fingers with his own and gave them a squeeze, “Thanks Hokey,” he said huskily.

She nodded once and then turned and said, “Hokey will be making breakfast. Call for more tea when Master James and Master Remus are ready,” before bustling into the kitchen.

James watched her go and smiled slightly, shoving his hands through his hair before finally looking back to his friend. At the soft ‘how are you’ he laughed bitterly, shoving his hands back through his already-messy black locks, “I’m… sort’ve in a daze,” he admitted. He starred down at his tea, not even managing to summon the will to lift it to his lips.

And then came the question that he had a feeling he’d be answering a lot over the next few weeks and months. But it was the most logical question, the most necessary one…

The one that was going to haunt him for a long, long time to come.

"Auror came by last night," he said, his voice more than a little hollow. "Wus late…" he laughed a little, "never a good sign when an Auror shows up late…" He shifted, his hand running along the outside of the warm mug, "Said Mum an Da were found at home… dead."

#para #para James #family ties

“I’m sorry,” Remus repeated, this time not only for the loss that James had experienced, shock so very visible in his face, but also that he had actually woken him. But he could understand that those nights, shortly after the death of someone as important as your parents, weren’t the kindest. He remembered his very own nightmares, and the constant question if it had been different if he had been there with him and if they had survived, but his friends had insisted that in that case, Remus only had ended up dead as well, no matter the circumstances. He could only hope that James didn’t have any thoughts of his own along those lines. If it had really been Death Eaters, then he hadn’t stood a chance, depending on how many had been there to surprise the Potters. “I know, those dreams can be … unnerving. But they’ll pass.” Even though he knew that it would take a while. At least he was glad that Lily was with James, and that she would be there in the night.

He watched his friend’s House Elf hurry in and out of the room to serve the tea and he gave her a gentle smile, still not quite used to the presence of one of them. Despite his father being a wizard, ever since he could remember, there hadn’t been a House Elf in the Lupin’s household. But he liked Hokey, and the fact that she always remembered how he liked his tea made him even more grateful. When he saw how caring she was with James, he had to turn his own head away to not risk finally losing the fight against his tears. Instead, he busied himself with wrapping his cold fingers around the hot, steaming cup of tea, blowing for a moment before he took a sip. Yes, just how he liked it.

When James felt ready to speak though, he put his tea away and listened, never letting his friend out of his eye. “You don’t have to talk about any of this, if you don’t want to, you know that, right?” Remus said softly, worrying for his friend. “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know, if you need someone to talk to, or … to distract you, okay? Or if you want to be alone, just say so. Whatever helps you, really.”

He nibbled on his lower lip, waiting a moment before he cleared his throat, not wanting to imagine how he would react if the doorbell would ring in the middle of the night and Auror’s would appear on his doorstep … “Did they … did they say anything? What it was, I mean …” He didn’t want to ask further, didn’t want to mention all of the gruesome ways that had been used to kill people so far. He only hoped that the Potters hadn’t suffered. They of all people deserved it the least.

You. I mean you.

One? You mean, like, an actual person that we know? A guy?

Mmh, okay… I haven’t seen too many muggle programs yet, I have to admit, but that’s true. Without magic it would be hard to film this, all the stuff he can do in the comics.

Fantastic Four? No, not really… But, Remus, I’m not talking about Comic Book heroes. Those aren’t real. Don’t you think ordinary people can be heroes too? Like… people like Arthur, or Peter, or Alice. Just because she’s tiny doesn’t mean she’s not a hero, right? Or anyone in the Order, really. You don’t think they’re heroes? And you’re never going to have to do a wrestling match with Captain America, you know?

See? No need to eat anything cold now.

#chat #chat dorcas #chat dorcas 2 #kitchen panic

Oh .. oh. Thank you …

Basically like anyone we know. I can hardly see anyone pull something like that off, a guy even less, of course.

Sirius had a muggle TV in his apartment, so we used to watch some things from time to time, and that’s of course been one of the things that caught my attention. They also had a Wonder Woman, a Hulk, a Captain America and a Flash TV show. Quite a wide range, if you ask me. Awesome, actually. Though yeah, sometimes it does look a bit strange, but I really wonder how they do all this, without using magic, you know?

I don’t know … I mean, yes, of course, I do see the others in the Order as heroes. If I see what they’ve been going through, some of them … they are real heroes, in my eyes.

Yes, yes, I’m eating already!

What sort of friendship does Remus have with Sirius? James? Peter? At this point, does he tell them everything? Who is his closest friend in the world??

[Sirius, James and Peter all hold equal places in Remus’ heart, when it comes to their friendship. As they were the first ones who stood with him, his parents aside, when they heard about his condition, and were his first friends, sticking with him through the years and even going as far as to become Animagi for him, he will forever be grateful. He knows that he can talk to them, to all of them, and he trusts them deeply. But still there are a couple of things that he didn’t tell them, like telling them about the crush he had on Sirius until they left school, or that in generally, he also seems to have a thing for guys, not just girls. Those are things of which he is afraid to tell them, because he thinks that they could maybe compromise their friendship, being just another abnormality about him that will eventually drive them away from him for good. His closest friend of all though … I guess he doesn’t have one at the moment. As mentioned, he holds the Marauders equally, and them aside, there have only been very few people he ever trusted. So it all just returns to the Marauders, as a whole, Remus’ second family which he fears is slowly falling apart as the war goes on.]

A timid Marauder/Gryffindor/werewolf/Order member.... Very interesting!

I don’t know what you mean by half of that …

Probably … and yet I still fight. What else is there?

What happened with Remjy?!

I guess that’s something you’ve got to ask him.