Wolf Suit Is Shed @wolfsuitisshed-blog - Tumblr Blog

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Equal Rights? Yeah, Right. Til You Interact with The Government.

So our fearless leader and all the pundits in the media are all up in arms about how the states are treating the Trans and Gay community, but I am curious, how many folks out there have filed their taxes and been owed a refund after oh..say, maybe actually changing their name, LEGALLY?

I Have. I legally, through my state court changed my name and gender back in September. I reported it to Social Security and Medicare,(I am a disabled individual), and all my identification is in my new name, and the wages that I did earn were all reported under my new name.

I filed my taxes and I made damn sure that every single i was dotted and T was crossed and due to being a parent who has supported kids, I was owed a refund, a refund I was counting on to cover the cost of my Top surgery that just got DENIED by MEDICARE as being COSMETIC and thus EXCLUDED by MEDICARE.

Its been over 6 weeks and no refund so I called. My state refund had showed up with no problems, so I had been hopeful and that was my mistake. I got a human, verified my identity, provided all the numbers and was told, "Yeah, the name change is what did it, your file was looked at as possible identity theft because of that." Even though I had done everything right.

After I provided everything they wanted, verified all the information and established that, yeah, they had gotten all the info MONTHS AGO via Social Security, I was told it might be another 6-8 weeks before its released.

I told the investigator I felt that I was being singled out and discriminated against due to my status and he tried to defend it saying, "No, if you had chosen a girls name it would have happened too." I said to him, "Well, I know that is incorrect because when I changed my name in 2004 as a result of divorce, and moved, my refund was in my account in a matter of 10 days.

Its really hard not to be bitter. I am angry. I know of 2 child support scofflaws that have already gotten and spent their sizable refunds.

My surgery getting denied at this time is going to force me to have it separate meaning going under anesthesia TWICE, putting my life and health at risk twice with double the recovery period and loss of time from work that I can ill afford, but I cannot mentally or physically afford to continue living like this.

In Iran when one is born in the wrong frame, they help them correct it, in this country we consider giving old men pills to give them erections more medically necessary and humane while we call Iran barbaric.

#transgender #ftm #discrimination LGBT

DENIED-SURGERY IN OREGON VIA MEDICARE/HEALTHNET

It was not a good day. I live in one of FIVE damn states where supposedly Trans Rights EXIST in some form. Supposedly the Feebs are all about protecting and enabling HUMAN RIGHTS and making our lives better, yet I am trying to enable my life and become who I am so I can get OFF disability, become a functional person, maybe not be crushed by depression and all the horrible things that go along with being in the wrong form.

I had dotted every damn i crossed every damn T, I had the letters, I live as a man, I have been on T the requisite amount of time, the physicians all agreed it was the right time, my doctors agreed it was the right time.

I am FORTY-FOUR YEARS OLD. I have had CHRONIC BACK AND SHOULDER ISSUES AS WELL. We submitted the request in the proper way to OREGON HEALTHNET VIOLET OPTION D along with all the proper paper work, and I followed the claim on my website, checking in almost daily to see if they needed more information, and they never requested anything. The website never updated from,"Pending".'

Today was the 14 day deadline. Tomorrow is my pre-surgical appointment with the team. I called to find out what was the decision and I was told by "Jorge" that they had denied the procedure as,"Not an authorized procedure" .

I reminded them I live in Oregon, that they were discriminating and that it was not simply cosmetic that I intended to appeal. I was advised to contact the physicians office and get the information I needed to do so.

I faxed the appeal at 2 pm with a request for information on their legal counsels contact information, as of yet I have heard nothing back.

My surgeons office has been very compassionate, but the fact of the matter is, that unless I pay cash in the amount of $5050 by Monday, my mastectomy is canceled due to discrimination by Medicare.

#FTM Transgender #TransgenderDiscrimination #transgender #FTM

Changed apartments, finally got some new glasses and I have a surgery date of March 4th. Not going to hold my breath for it to actually go off as scheduled as the surgeons office is convinced my insurance is going to go against Oregon law and deny coverage for it, but I hope to be prepared with enough money to pay cash. In other words, there are a lot of variables that are going to have to fall into place for it to go off perfectly but I am trying to keep myself distracted so my stress level stays down by watching Sherlock (Hopelessly addicted), and working out. I wish I could say I was writing again, but I think I am just too frayed at the moment.

Pre-surgical appointment is the 20th, then the real countdown begins. Im doing two procedures at once just so the recovery time is shorter. Im tough and im going outpatient with back to work right away. I did the same when I had my shoulder reconstructed. Ive had my guts laid open and pulled out and been up walking about the same day, so I should be able to handle this a little easier. Just hope they respect the,"No Narcotics" request.

#FTM #Transgender

6 months down the road. Approved for surgery. Anybody wanna buy a kidney so I can pay for it? Otherwise healthy, happy and busy as hell.

#FTM #Transgender

Its Been Awhile...

Sorry to go awol for so long, but work and other demands tend to pull me away from my first love, (writing), so often I find myself standing in the shower in the wee hours of the morning with AMAZING plot lines for my stories rolling easily though my mind, or some thought I wish to share here about what is going on with my transition, only to find that when I step out of the shower, the thoughts have drained away with the last of the hot water.

Much has gone on with me, and progress has been made. Sadly, I am not any taller. I am perpetually stuck at 5ft tall, though I have gained a few lbs and I am now a respectable 118 lbs!! This is the most I have weighed in about 3 years, and I like the fact my face isnt so gaunt looking, so the nice little BLONDE beard that is coming in looks nice. The one regrettable thing about gaining weight is that wearing childrens Levis is not going to be an option for much longer, and its really difficult to find young mens Levis in super short sizes.

I ran out of testosterone for a period of about 3 weeks and due to a job change that left me with a cash shortage and a change of prescription insurance, so I had to go without my shots for what felt like forever. The stress was so thick you could have cut it with a knife in this house, and when I finally did get the prescription refilled after an adventure of epic proportions that involved a broken down car, stranding on the side of the Sunset Freeway the last day of Thanksgiving holiday, two store transfers and a hike of over two miles, I didnt bother to read the label of the tiny little bottle, I just drew up the regular dosage and a wee bit extra to compensate for the doses I missed and I shot up like a junkie on the crave. It was only after I was cleaning up my kit that I looked at the label and noticed that it said 200 instead of 100... oh shit. Called the pharmacy and, yup! Sure enough! Shot myself up with more than a double dose. FML. Lucky for me, no bad side effects other than feeling like a dumbass.

Had my appointment with my plastic surgeon today and I went in nervous, wondering if I would qualify for the surgery at this point in my transition, but thanks to the support of my doctor, my therapist and the fact that the according to the surgeon the testosterone has,"Been really, really effective," she said she felt comfortable greenlighting me for my top surgery as soon as I was ready!

Im ready now. But, alas, my insurance is not and neither is my bank account. The price is completely reasonable, at $5500 all inclusive, but when you dont have that kind of money, it might as well be 55 million. My only hope at this point is to test positive for the BRCA gene, because that will make it preventative , and due to my sis having breast cancer FOUR times, my grandpa dying of colo-rectal cancer, along with a plethora of other kith and kin that have dropped from cancer related maladies, it is at least a remote possibility.

I am to the point that I have resolved to not live with these things another summer, one way or another. I have pulled my own teeth, removed my own cyst and Im starting to consider that maybe there are other options I could explore if things get desperate enough.

#ftm #Transgender

We now have keys! Got the nickel tour of my new building and keys to my new apartment. I see soo much potential and I finally feel like I fit. Everyone has been so welcoming so far and I am looking forward to being there. I am going to miss my old property,(at least many of the residents I am leaving behind), but I am leaving on an extremely high note as the corporate reviewer came out and checked my stats and files one last time and found me to be at 99% with exemplary numbers. They have 4 units coming up soon, we will see if they can turn them as fast or as high as I did and keep retention as high, I have already heard from more than half a dozen residents who are planning on not renewing, and more than a few others who have told me to send them my new business card as soon as I have one, so I have built a following! Not bad for the company freak.

My new neighborhood looks amazing and I know we are all going to love being downtown in the center of everything. I love the vintage features and have plans to decorate to emphasize all the cool to be found within.

Waiting to hear from the geneticist about an appointment to get screened for the BRCA gene abnormality. With the history of cancers in the family, it stands that there is a high likelyhood I will screen positive and my surgeries will be covered by insurance without much fuss.

My voice has been crazy low this week and people have really noticed the difference. I scared the crap out of a Mexican landscaper I caught pissing on one of the buildings on my soon to be former property. Nothing like someone shouting,"What the FUCK do you think you are doing you son of a bitch!" while your back is turned and you have your wang out, by someone who has a deep, raspy, very Southern voice, to scare the hell out of you I guess. Even after he turned and realized it was a very sawed off little pissed off Southerner, he still was freaked out, and I kept up the aggression until he apologized. It was a banner day.

Now if the dry socket left where my wisdom tooth was pulled would freaking heal, all would be excellent...

#FTM #transgender

Superstition

I am a Southerner and a Texan, and as such, prone to belief in a bit of superstition and happenstance an abundance of wild lore occurring in it, not the least of which was my great grandmothers run in with an old gypsy crone during the height of the Great Depression.

Great Grandma was one of the fortunate few in Moline, Illinois to have a job working making gloves in some factory and her husband at the time was a boilermaker so they had an old car that got them about. One day she had been out to market and while driving home in the rain she spied the old crone hobbling along the road getting soaked to the bone. Being a kind woman, she stopped to give the woman a ride, and pulling up next to her she reached over and opened the door and said,"Get in, I take you home." The old lady thanked her, and then looked in her car and gasped, saying,"What the hell are you doing in there? Get out! Shoo! Shoo! She is fine! Get out! Go away now!" She then got into the car next to my confused great grand ma and told her where she lived and then on the way there asked if my family had ever had any doings with Indians?

Great Grnd said we had,(intermarried and she was half), the old woman told her that someone in our family had protected some Indians on the Trail of Tears and won their favor and that no one in our family would ever die a violent death as we were protected by Indians. To this date, even though we have served in every single war and police action, multiple tours, and many of us serve as public safety officers, none of us have died violent deaths.

Where I am going with this, is I believe in the oddness of the things, and synchronization of the great clock that runs my life. Bad things come in 3's and good things? Well, its seems the good things that are career related are tied to my wisdom teeth!

When I first got to Portland, I was at loose ends and wondering what the hell to do for a job, I had really no idea, I applied for a job as an assistant manager where I lived and right after my wisdom teeth blew up requiring two of them to be pulled,(under local only by a very large Russian man in a country clinic), Oh the joys of no dental insurance! But right after, with my mouth still bleeding, I found out I got the job!

Two years later when I needed a better job and more money, I applied for a different company, another wisdom tooth blew up, had to get it cut out and I got that job!

This week, I have been in misery, my last wisdom tooth blew up and it was epic. My ear drum ruptured, I had to drain an abscess and the pain was torturous, all adding to the anxiety of waiting for word of a new job I really wanted. I finally got in to see the county dentist and at first they didn't want to pull it under local because it was in the bone, under some skin and it was going to be bad, but I practically begged. They had to dislocate my jaw to get it out, and it was not fun, but its out. I even saved the horrible thing and right after I got home I got the call I got the job. I am hoping that the job will be as epic as the pain and misery of the last wisdom tooth was.

In other news, I have had consultation with my surgical team and it looks like things are go! I may finally be down the road and through the gate by the first of the year. I endured an exam today for my surgical consult and didn't lose my shit, so things are progressing.

Hope to post pictures of my view of the Portland sky when we get settled.

#ftm

Reality Check

This journey is still progressing. My credentials are largely in place and now correct, and I finally even have my correct work identification, though that does not mean that has made things easier. My job is still tense and I am still working on sorting out that situation. I am not going to sugarcoat the job situation for anyone else out there, you will not have an easy time of it. People do not want to deal with what they do not understand. I am well educated, I have no criminal history, no firings or significant issues that should make finding a new job a problem, other than the fact my former married life played hell with my credit, though I have several years of progressive improvement that should be making that easy to over-look, and yet I get called for interviews, have wonderful meetings with hiring managers who say they like what they see, and then nothing...I get an apologetic sounding email in a week or two saying they found someone else, or like the TMG group, they simply re-list the position. It is frustrating and disheartening.

My temper has been a little shorter lately. I have been less tolerant of being mis-gendered, and more insistent on correcting those who make the mistake and I have been standing up for myself more. I am glad of the colder weather as I can now layer and disguise what is not hidden by the binder. I have my mammogram in November and hopefully that will be followed by surgery soon.

The testosterone is making progress, though it is awkward progress. I have a half-assed goatee and a whispy blonde mustache that just looks like I am poorly groomed when I do not pass, but its starting to thicken up. Being short does me no favors at all, and with all the stress I am under, I am unable to gain any weight and in fact I am down to 111 at this point. Hopefully the job stress will abate this next week after I meet with the CEO of the company and discuss a few things and hopefully get some resolution, because I really would like to gain some ass in my pants.

Clothes are still interesting, I wear childrens sized Levis that I have caught on sale, luckily I have found some H&M easy iron mens shirts in small at Buffalo Exchange or Goodwill, and the hipster required vests at either Salvation Army or Buffalo. having no money for clothes makes life difficult, but I have one good pair of Doc Martens, that work with everything, and they will last forever, or hopefully at least until I either find a new job or get a different situation with the one I have.

#FTM #Transgender

I have become a big fan of acronyms, or at least State agencies with acronyms for their name. Had to come home after my meeting to deal with a sick kid, so I spent my time researching a nagging thought that was in the back of my mind in regards to wage and hour law and adequate compensation. A couple of phone calls later to a government agency and a long conversation with a legal type person that was filled with much, "You're joking, right?" or "Say What?!" and "Are you absolutely sure?" I hung up with the big smile I was told by my company I should be wearing in spite of not having enough pay after paying rent to buy groceries.

Im starting with my previous employer as I have a much bigger ax to grind with them and they will be on the hook for close to 2 years worth of violations, and I just happen to really want to get them more. My current employer will wait.

Oh, and I am smiling, really, really big. The fact the old company put in their email they dont have any system to classify employees or recognize employees/former employees protected status in a state that requires it, is just the icing on the cake.

#FTM

Hassle Hassle Hassle

It felt like a Monday today even though its Thursday. I have reached the point with my job where I dread walking into my office and booting up my computer because some days it really feels like there is a target painted on my back and today was one of those days. There was a 3 page email detailing all kinds of supposed paperwork transgressions I had committed against the accounting department, some of them that pre-date my tenure in my position, some of them caused by paper work that I have sent in MULTIPLE times only to have it mysteriously go missing once it hit the corporate office, and then there is the coding issue that even the corporate trainer says is understandable on my part as my place in one of two in the entire company that has a different code leading to chaos. The hate mail comes just in time to cost my my bonus for the month which means that in spite of being collected in record time, getting all my stuff in and being a fuckawesome salesman that is selling well above most of the others, I am not going to be able to buy groceries this month. Im done. Im willing to take a full-time job anywhere else at this point and its depressing, because I was good at this job, but I think there are issues now and they want me gone.

I did have a great job interview today with another company and Im keeping my fingers crossed for that one as its back in a non-profit field where I would feel more like I fit in, and in fact, they didnt even bat an eye when I disclosed that my college records and previous employment were going to be under another name due to my being transgender, in fact, one of the committee members interviewing me looked at me as if to say,"Duh?"

My voice has really dropped down today and I dont know if Im getting sick or if its finally dropping for good, but I can hope. My son took a picture of me today for my Linkedin page and he got annoyed at me because I looked so serious, but after today at work I just didnt feel like smiling,even though I am growing a pretty decent mustache and start to a beard and my endurance is up as well as my muscle development .

The downside I have noticed is that B.O. is a thing and while I shower every single morning, I damn sure need deodorant and its time to look into a decent cologne,(stealing the boys AXE is just nasty), and my boots are now disgusting. My libido is in overdrive and I pretty much eye-fuck the hell out of the cute lil guy that lives in my complex, and today when a really hot Asian guy gave me the eye, I eyed him right back and pretty much dared him to cross the street to my car, because I think I would have been late to my appointment. Still short as fucking hell though.

The beard and 'stache are blonde, LIGHT freaking blonde, thats not dirt on my chin, its beard.

#FTM

Turning the Page

Took another huge step and changed over my twitter and several other social media accounts to my new name. Now that I have taken the final step and filed the change with Social Security and I am sending the papers to request the change with the State of Arizona on Monday, I knew it was time to make more of those final steps.

I then started going through the friends list on my Facebook account that is in my old name and deciding who I felt comfortable telling and asking to join me on the next part of this journey. There were surprisingly few who did not make the cut considering that the majority of my life was spent in Deep East Texas on the buckle of the Bible belt.

The couple of people I was the most worried about due to their deep religious convictions of the Baptist leaning, proved themselves to be real, honest and valuable representatives of their faith and quickly laid my fears to rest as they reminded me we have been friends for over 40 years and they live their beliefs.

I am not alone, I have friends and its an amazing feeling to be able to be myself among them.

It was funny to see how many of them said,'I KNEW it!!" Sighh....my closet was rather shallow I guess.

I wrote my final blog on my AModernCalamity site and laid it to rest. I took the opportunity to say thank you to those who were there for me, and those who inspired me, and those who meant much to me, especially the little band that was my solace in the dark times and the boys who inspired me to write. I owe them, and hope they someday find themselves again.

It was awesome how many people were more concerned than anything that I would no longer write or publish! I quickly laid that fear to rest and I hope to send my editor a few chapters of Secrets before the end of the year and perhaps I will finally publish my first Gayrotica like I keep promising instead of just giving it away.

It was a good week all in all.

#FtM Transgender

Not seeing much in the way of changes as of yet, but my doc tells me they will start coming faster and faster.

My drivers license now is correct and that change went very smoothly. Next is Social Security and my college and work records. Oddly enough, the rinky dink community college I just attended for a continuing education class is being the most difficult about getting things done, apparently Portland's progressive nature does not extend to its community college environment.

Lost my glasses the other day and am all but blind, so hopefully will find a full-time/benfitted job pretty soon or else get pulled on full-time by my company,(dare to dream?!), so that I could get a new pair and be able to read without stretching my arms out to their full length.

Actually ate an entire cheeseburger today, much to my teenagers amusement. I was ravenous and it just smelled so damn good! I felt disgusting afterwards, but I wolfed it down like a starving teenager! I fear for my cholesterol count and see a gym membership in my future.

A friend felt it necessary to poke around my feelings about the loss of the boy. I thought it didn't bother me but then on my way to talk to my counselor today that damn song by Goyte (sp?) came on the radio, "Someone That I Used To Know", and I found myself sobbing at the stoplight. I miss my friend, he was supposed to be here for this and the fact he chose random dick over what we had as friends I guess just hurt a little more than I thought, but it also made me harder and colder.

My counselor called me out on that today, I sense its something she intends to poke and prod at in the future.

I found better music to listen to on the way home, I love this kid, and I miss his pretty face more than a little.

http://youtu.be/0IsTVc8NPnM

#FtM Transgender

Official, Legal, and Finally FREE to be ME.

So, had my hearing for my name and gender change after the interminable feeling 30 day wait. The courtroom was full of parents changing children's names, random people from foreign countries adopting Americanized names, a MTF only going a name change and me...the only person doing both.

I knew it was going to be interesting when the judge announced she was going to call everyone up by their new names, and she called me up by my old name. I just took a deep breath and walked up to the front and calmly asked if my name was correct on the forms? She apologized and said she had made a mistake, then asked for my supporting documentation for the sex change. I had the letter from my doctor that simply states she supports my change and that I am beginning the journey, but that is it.

The judge said,"I'm sorry but you have to be post-surgical and complete in your transition." I said,"Your honor, respectfully, you are wrong. Current law is..."

You could have heard a pin drop in the courtroom. The law clerk sitting next to her said,"Hes right, Ill get you the current statutes."

The judge asked me to take a seat for a bit while she handled everyone else and then reviewed the case law, and then, an hour later, she congratulated me for standing up for myself and staying calm, called me by my new name and wished me well on my journey as I left her courtroom a legal man.

My company HR person sent me an email demanding documented proof of the legal changes and they gave me a deadline to produce them.

I provided them today, they made copies and then told me they now wanted copies of my new social security card and drivers license.I told them that I didn't have them yet as those are expensive documents to acquire,(close to $100 for the drivers license), and considering I am only part time and having to pay most of my medical out of pocket, they have had to wait. I was told they needed them before tax season, meaning before January. It was a bit stressful, but at least they took a new picture and will be providing me with a new work i.d.

My doctors appointment was amusing, we discussed my issues with being hungry all the time and my bodies reaction to not eating. If I don't eat, I take a nap, even if I don't want to,(blood sugar crash), so I was advised to increase the protein amounts and lean meats.

Im up to .50 mgs once a week of testosterone and so far the only effects I am noticing are the increase in appetite, acne,(DAMMIT!), random voice drop that goes away, and running warmer than usual. I actually lost 3 lbs taking me back down to 113lbs, but that could be because its been hotter than Satans ballsack in a South Texas sauna in mid-July. Wearing my binder has been a special kind of hell.

Progress is being made, I have another mammogram scheduled so I can get a referral to a surgeon for top surgery due to the breast cancer history in the family, and I have an ob/gyn appointment scheduled for a Hysto consult in October due to the growth that is wrapped up around all my parts.

My job search for a full-time or second job is hopefully going to get better. I get a lot of interest due to my credentials, but once they meet, then things cool off. I had hoped that larger, more advanced companies would be more progressive than that, but TMG, and especially G.B.A.,( a company that comes from San Francisco), interviewed me, sounded hopeful and then re-posted the ad without even an explanation of why? Its disappointing, but not unexpected. I'm good at what I do, and I guess I will continue making money for my current employer and hope that they will reconsider the full-time hours for me in the near future.

Life is moving forward, its small steps but they feel like they were made in giant boots.

#ftm transgender

All of you who lament that change seems to be taking forever to happen for you, take a deep breath, still your thoughts and contemplate spending 44 years living locked in the wrong life. Today my name change and gender change became official via the courts. I have been on T a full month, and am scheduling things as I can work them in around my job and other responsibilities. I grew up in a time and place where it was just not possible to be who I was.

I get misgendered fairly often but I look at it as not being the end of the world, but a reminder that I have a ways to go. My kids tell me I remind them of,"Jasper" the vampire from Twilight, I think that annoyed me more than being mis-gendered, they joke that not only am I very short, I look like I am about to bite someone about half the time and my fashion sense is well...?

My medical coverage is highly resistant to paying for anything, but luckily? cancer has cut a wide swath through my family and due to that I should qualify for removal of breast tissue and a full hysterectomy,(already have issues and abnormalities so that is expedited), but reconstruction is less likely and as a single parent, my money rarely is spent on me, so I will just be happy they are gone and cope.

I dont know that many people, dont get out a lot. The one person I loved decided he would rather chase random hookups off Grindr than be with me, so I am single.

Im Jake, Im new here and Im a gay man.

#ftm #ftm transgender

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