𖦹beans𖦹 @wolverinesbuttcheeks - Tumblr Blog

Jun 6, 2025

HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU

a/n: eddie alden has lived in my head rent free for so fucking long. ever since i saw someone like you i was done for. actually in the first five minutes i was done for. this is a labor of love. something i have spent so long writing and editing because i needed to put this somewhere. it's the longest one shot i've ever written and i am so terrified to share it. i hope you love it as much as i do.

summary: being best friends with eddie alden proved a challenge. you knew him at twelve when he'd push you down for fun. you knew him at sixteen when his parents divorced. you knew him at twenty-two fresh out of college and ready to live his life. and you knew him now. yet the version of him that still remained was the one who loved you - hopelessly, endlessly, and entirely devoted to...you.

word count: 26k

pairing: eddie alden x f!reader

warnings: childhood best friends to lovers trope, oblivious reader + obvious eddie, jealousy, possessiveness, arguments, flirting, cussing, teasing, yearning, love confessions, he's in love and it's detrimental to his health, cigarettes & alcohol, p in v sex, masturbation, smutty books, feral eddie, oral (f receiving), cumplay, desperate sex, reverence, hand holding, the nostalgia vibes of a 2000s romcom.

PLAYLIST

New York’s winter left a taste in your mouth that always reminded you of childhood memories you'd never get back. The biting cold stung your nose until it dripped—your fingers numb as you clutched the cigarette between your index and middle, smoke trailing to the cloudy sky.

An ugly brown suitcase that passed from your father, brother, and eventually you sat by your feet. The bottom no doubt soaked through from the puddle of half melted snow. The temptation to get a taxi and meet him there nearly made your choice for you. Seeing as how standing in the fucking outdoors was your only other option. But the argument over the phone left you relenting within seconds—his voice eager and older.

You scrubbed your hands together for some warmth, lips burning on the but of your cigarette, as yet another round of cars passed you by. Soon enough you'd get to chew him out for making you wait. You'd pull out every guilt trip proven to work on him in the past, and get him to agree to some outrageous ask. That's how things went with you and Eddie.

He fucked up in some way or another. Begged for forgiveness with late night food and a soft smile. And like a fool you forgave him...every time.

"C'mon Eddie what the fuck," you muttered, wiping your nose with the end of your sleeve. You were pretty sure you'd freeze to death in another five minutes, and all Eddie would be left with was your corpse proudly presenting a middle finger.

A horn blared beside you bursting your eardrums. Counting down from five under your breath, you eyed the corner of the building, expecting to see a familiar mop of brown hair. When nothing happened you grabbed the handle of your shitty suitcase and began to walk. He'd reluctantly given you the apartment number and address halfway through the call in case something came up.

Something must have come up.

With a huff, you hauled your suitcase up to rest against your hip, the cigarette burned out and crushed beneath the toe of your boot. Waiting felt like a waste of fucking time. When you could instead be inside of his place already, thawing with a steaming mug of the shitty burnt coffee he made with pride.

No matter how many times you offered to teach him—rectify the recipe that shouldn't be ingested by humans—he claimed you drank it. Clearly that meant you loved it. There was no other reason for why you took his coffee with a smile and gulped at it like you'd just paid twelve dollars and all the change in your pocket.

Even after all this time...he still never saw it. The gleam in your eyes as you watched him make it. The ache in your heart that formed when he set it in front of you with a smile. The butterflies you learned to ignore when you thanked him for something so simple. A single slice of the domesticity you would never get with him.

People shoved you to the side as you walked. Doing what you could to refrain from slipping on the icy bits of the sidewalk. Taking a cab was out of the question with what little cash you had stuffed in your wallet. Your boss decided to withhold your paycheck for the second time—claiming you should have come in to collect it.

The temptation to scream at him in person left the second you realized the money wouldn't even cover the rent next month. So like an idiot...you booked a flight to New York (much to Eddie's delight) and packed a bag large enough to stuff two weeks worth of clothes in it. He believed it was his incessant nagging that finally got you here; you didn't have the heart to tell him that you held no other option.

"Watch it," you snapped at a man who's coat probably cost more than your grandmother's gold ring you wore around your neck.

He scoffed, turning back to the conversation he was invested in on his phone. Getting into a fight wasn't exactly a part of the plan. But the anger began to eat away at your heart—gnawing at your patience the longer you were here. Wandering the city streets. Alone.

"Now that's not the Kit I know."

You whipped around, eyes wide and hair upright on the back of your neck as Eddie's broad smile came into view. The leather jacket he wore complimented his tall figure; the once skinny shoulders you remembered now a broad form you certainly didn't expect. Pictures crinkled by the mail didn’t do him justice. Yet the hazel eyes you knew sparkled with a joy that still managed to entrance you in a single glance.

It felt pathetic how quick you turned into a simpering girl in his presence. Still the eleven year old kid he used to push into muddy puddles because it made him laugh. Somehow that made heat spill into your cheeks—a flustered expression flashing across your face.

He squinted, hands on his hips, as he bent down slightly to push his face directly in front of yours. "What'd you do with her? My little kitten?"

"Fuck off Eddie," you scoffed, shoving at his shoulders.

The suitcase slipped from your hands, dropping to the floor. Eddie didn't waste a second before he was scooping up the handle in his large hand, his arm slinging around your shoulder as he dragged you across the traffic infested street. You squeaked at the horns that went off when you sped in front of them; a multitude of cuss words shouted into the cold air.

"I thought I told you to wait at the airport entrance?" The warmth of his body soaked into your frigid form, loosening your limbs slightly. You'd never experienced such bliss.

"You took too long, asshole."

He laughed—loud and boisterous and perfectly Eddie. "Well forgive me for making an effort to try and get you breakfast. The line was so fuckin' long I had to forgo your coffee."

"Shame." Unconsciously you leaned into his hold as you walked down a street covered in barren trees. "Guess you'll have to make me some."

"You always say you hate my coffee Kit."

"I don't hate it."

"You're a fuckin' liar." Yet he still smiled, his face tilting to see the little furrow of your brows as the cold air began to sting your nose.

You rubbed at it, hoping to alleviate the sensation. "It's just always so burnt Eddie. I never got that. Even when I bought you that fancy coffee maker for your twentieth birthday!"

"Hey!" Shoving you closer as a couple walked past, you did what you could to not stumble. "I never said I put coffee making on my resume. So really it's your fault for making assumptions."

"My–" you spluttered. "Oh fuck off Alden!"

He laughed and you felt the sound shoot through your body like the trigger of a gun finally being pulled. Phone conversations did nothing to appease the longing you felt in his absence. There'd been an Eddie shaped hole in your life for years. Now suddenly you were at a loss with what to do once it was filled. You chastised yourself for pining over a man who would never see you as anything but a friend. Yet somehow...he never knew.

Even through highschool and all your blatantly obvious reactions to how he affected you, Eddie Alden remained entirely oblivious to how much you truly loved him. How your heart screamed for him each morning and night. He was the balm to every wound that ailed you—yet you were only gifted with its comfort every few years.

"My place is one block over, but we could grab some food if you're hungry." His voice ripped you from the depths of your mind, shoving you back into the present.

Where you were pressed against his side by an arm that felt stronger than you remembered. You glanced at him, tracing the curve of his side profile before you realized you eventually had to respond. None of this helped the preexisting crush you spent years trying to get rid of.

Whatever feelings you believed to be evicted from your heart came tumbling back with a fury—a vengeance you'd never experienced before.

"Kit?"

You jumped, catching his gaze; to realize you'd been staring at his lips for far too long. "Your place. I'm fucking freezing out here. Could do with some blankets."

His grin deepened. "Blankets I've got. And a bed. Well a separate bed. Had it put in the guest room for when I managed to finally get you here."

Surprise filled your system—eyes wide and mouth parted. "You bought me a bed?" you exclaimed.

"Nah. I bought a bed."

"Right. Sure." He pinched your arm, chuckling at your pained yelp. The hit you landed to his stomach in a feeble attempt at backlash only seemed to make him laugh harder.

Fuck. You missed him.

A horn blared behind you, slicing through your nerves as he weaved the both of you seamlessly through the crowds of people. New York was far louder than you expected it would be. Sure, you'd heard the noises while on the phone with Eddie, but this felt twenty times that. You were surprised that he got any sleep in this place; though knowing him...he rarely slept if the slight dark shadow under his eyes was anything to go by.

He spent days running around at his job, nights chasing the tail of someone pretty, and what time he could spare talking to you. Giving you the dirty details on people he came across, drama with his coworkers. Every little aspect of New York he could shove your way—knowing how much you longed to get away. How your heart ached with the thought of traveling to distant lands.

He bought you the maps hanging on your apartment wall back home; a celebratory graduation gift when you finally managed to accomplish getting your masters. Back then he thought you'd join him out here.

Or perhaps he was merely holding that hope like an oblivious idiot; his mind fixed on the idea of you here for longer than a visit.

Although you could say the same for yourself. The belief that your life would start somewhere other than at Eddie's side began to fester in your heart, becoming a wound you could never heal. Merely a twisted game you played with yourself. The constant push of wanting more when a part of you knew he would never see you that way.

No matter how many times you pushed...he'd never tell you about them. The women that twisted his head around; the ones that brought a familiar flicker of bitter heat to your chest.

Eddie wasn't yours.

You knew this.

You accepted the truth halfway through high school when you stumbled across him with his tongue down a cheerleader's throat. The lingering pain thickened the longer you spent in his warm charismatic presence—like a knife suddenly protruding from your chest. But much to your own detriment...it was your own knife. Not his.

So you swallowed the brief seconds of jealousy, your body leaning into him with a heavy exhale of winter air. If he noticed your split second mental battle, he didn't say anything. You supposed that's what you loved about Eddie. He understood your cues faster than you did—giving you the room to breathe, to garner enough sanity to push through whatever hell you created in your own mind.

He let you anchor yourself to him, willing to drag you out of the well you dropped yourself in whenever you needed a helping hand.

"So I have a proposition," he exclaimed, tugging you across the street to a building that looked eerily familiar.

"I might have an answer."

He snorted, rummaging in his pocket for the jingling keys that were pressed to your side. "There's a bar on the bottom floor of my place that has shitty beer and shittier nachos."

You smiled, wide and stupid and hopelessly head over heels in love with your best friend. This trip would no doubt come back to bite you in the ass eventually. You practically felt the sharp teeth of reality begin to sink into your heart. Ready to rip you open with jaws coated in your own blood.

Really this was your fucking mistake; letting your best friend talk you into this with the claim: 'You're gonna have the best fuckin' time Kit.'

You followed him through the bulky metal door. "I'm listening."

"I know how much you love shitty nachos." The stairwell echoed with your footsteps—a drip from a leaky pipe splashing every few seconds. "It's not much, but I figure it'll get you acquainted with this grand old city."

Saying no to him felt as if you were pulling teeth, but the fatigue from your flight was beginning to weigh heavy on your shoulders. While traversing the city at night with Eddie sounded like a dream come true. You knew that if you didn't get some rest you'd be kicking yourself tomorrow.

"Tomorrow night," you requested, lugging your bag over your shoulder as he fumbled with the door to his apartment. "I'm ready to keel over and die."

He smiled, letting you wander in before him. Eddie trailed after you, watching in rapture as your eyes went wide with awe at the sheer size of his place. Large windows allowed sunlight to spill into the living room, casting a soft yellow glow throughout the kitchen. Ethereal in its simplicity.

You could practically see the spots where he spoke to you on the phone; the echo of him rummaging in his own fridge now put into perspective with the sight of it. How he would smoke on his fire escape during the summer months when the air finally turned crisp with the promise of fall. How he'd lay on his couch, television blaring as you both watched the same channel.

"Ya like it?" he asked, dropping his jacket on the back of the couch.

"Eddie it's..."

"Massive?"

You turned, sunlight forming an angelic silhouette behind your head and Eddie felt the breath get punched from his lungs. Suddenly he wished he wasn't such a shit artist. That dream was discarded long ago in an art class he would later fail. He longed for charcoal, paints, paper, anything to commit your beauty to a canvas. To hang it in his home as a permanent art fixture—a glimpse at what heaven must look like.

"It's beautiful," you gushed, your smile dazzling in the late afternoon sun.

So are you.

He'd never say it out loud, entirely aware of what you'd say—play it off as a joke, pretend he was teasing you—but the fist around his heart squeezed until he couldn't deny the truth. Mentally he cussed out your future lover. Too ashamed to admit that if you kissed him right now, he'd buy a damn wedding ring tomorrow.

"Bathroom is small enough to drive you a bit insane," he said instead, shoving the thoughts in their respective boxes and throwing away the key. "My room. You're always welcome. And this–" He pushed open the guest bedroom. A fancy duvet and collection of pillows was placed neatly on the queen mattress; frames were propped on the empty dresser—images of you and Eddie throughout the years. "Will be your room."

Stepping into the space felt like taking a breath of familiar air—your heart fluttering at the care he took before allowing you here. It reminded you of all the times he put you before anything else in his life. His fierce protective nature that was always placed upon your shoulders. How he claimed you the second he locked eyes on your timid form.

"Homecoming?" You gestured to the largest frame on the nightstand.

Eddie in a red football jersey, his face painted in white streaks, sweat causing his hair to stick to his forehead. He held you beside him—helmet in his hand and a smile big enough to blind half the girls in your school on his face. You could recall that day with vivid clarity. The butterflies you felt at seeing him so happy, so carefree.

Your childhood was filled with memories both good and bad. But Eddie somehow managed to solidify himself in those tinged in warmth and overflowing with a wonder that left you breathless.

"It's a good picture," he replied, running his hand along the back of his neck, cheeks flushed a light rose. "My mom sent it to me a year ago. Said I'd take better care of it."

You smiled, tracing the corner of the brown frame. "Seems like she was right."

"Yeah..." His eyes followed the curve of your hips, pausing briefly on the shape of your ass in jeans he knew you only wore for special occasions.

His favorite jeans if memory served.

The same denim fabric he imagined peeling off you in senior year of college when you showed up with a bottle of wine and the promise of a week spent by the beach. They were in second place, right next to your little red bathing suit that had him fucking his fist for hours in your shared hotel shower. Shame might have burned in his chest at the memory, but Eddie couldn’t help himself when it came to you.

Insatiable, needy. Every fucking synonym in the book would classify how he felt around you.

"So Alden." Your voice dragged him out of his lust addled stupor, heat curling around the base of his spine. He swallowed thickly, forcing it down until he felt comfortable meeting your gaze again.

His eyebrow curved. "Kit?"

"What fun activities do you have planned for me tonight?"

He choked on his spit. "W-What do you mean?"

"Movies? Dinner? Anything?"

"Right."

Trailing to the kitchen with you hot on his heels, he rummaged in the take out drawer full of old menus that needed replacements eventually. Pages were stained, ripped, and crumpled from years of use. You snatched the only pizza place one out of his grasp, eyes flicking through the selections with a grin. Predictable. He could have ordered blindly for you if he'd have known your tastes were the same.

"Lemme guess–"

"Pepperoni–" you began.

"With sausage and jalapeños," he finished.

"Fuck off Eddie."

He smiled, confident enough to have your mind falter on anything except the man before you. How did he do that? Render you a bumbling fool who could barely put the correct words in order to form a complete sentence. One day you might have to ask if that was just his Eddie charm, or if it only worked on you in particular.

"I would. But it's my place kitten." Dialing the number he knew by heart, he left you to wander spots in the apartment that hadn't been on his grand tour.

A corner table held a photo of Eddie's mother, his father nowhere to be seen in the background. You didn't blame him for avoiding the man entirely. After what occurred you were surprised that Eddie hadn't killed him; although he once came close at nineteen. The night his mother spilled the truth over one too many glasses of sherry.

The night Eddie figured out the man he once looked up to had a different family in an entirely different state.

If you trailed your fingers down the back of his neck you'd find the spot where his father slammed him into the banister of their front staircase. The fight bordered on brutal. A viscous act that left what relationship remained tattered and torn to shreds on the floor around them. Both men landed hits with no true aim, teeth bared and seeking blood through the red haze of their anger.

Eddie wanted revenge. His father wanted submission.

They'd always stood on thin ice ready to crack beneath the weight of their baggage. A horrendous cycle of push and pull—each one aware of how to tear the other down with ease. Their bond was built on torment. And to watch the tension explode, drowning them both beneath the glacial waters, left you stuck in a dark chasm of helplessness.

Stupidly you got a scar to match when you threw yourself in front of a near unconscious Eddie, attempting to stop the man from landing a final punch to his son's face. He hit you instead. The scar on your shoulder was small, barely there, but you could still feel Eddie's lips on it when he cleaned the wound. Apologies spilling from his lips until he fell asleep in your bed.

But you supposed that was Eddie. A protector above all else.

The man who would throw himself into the heat of battle before considering the consequences that came with a choice that reckless.

"They'll be here in twenty minutes." He crept up behind you, glancing at the photo of him on his Mom's birthday. "Thinking about that night?"

You jumped, glancing at him over your shoulder. "Yeah."

"Hard not to."

"Has he ever..."

"No." The darkened shadow across his face gave you enough of a response. It was time to move onto a different subject.

"So..." You settled on his couch with a heavy sigh. "Your work."

Dragging the throw blanket his mother knit him over your legs, he clambered onto the empty space beside you. The heater was slowly sputtering to life—radiator giving it all it had to keep the both of you warm. But beside him you felt the heat practically emanate off his body in waves.

What you wouldn't give to curl into his lap and seek it from the source.

"The drama has been exquisite," he stated, draping his arm on the top of the couch behind your head. "You remember me tellin' you about Jane?"

"Goodall?"

"The very one." He settled further into the cushions, legs spread beneath the blanket until he nudged yours. "She and Ray broke up. It's been hell in the office dealing with their confused tension."

"Wait, isn't this the guy who cheated with her?"

He nodded. "Now I'm not saying he's horrible. But you gotta at least break up with the girl before you go with another."

"Ahh you're taking my teachings to heart," you smiled, leaning your head against his arm.

"I have to Kit. Every time I don't I feel like you're gonna pop out and whack me–" Landing a weak hit to his side, he clamped his hand around your wrist, tugging you close with a laugh. "Like that!"

Attempting to free yourself was futile when he outmatched you in strength and speed. Yet you found that you enjoyed being this close to him. Laughing as you once did in the years of your youth. When all that mattered was which movie you were seeing that Friday and what school the team was playing.

Somehow—in the blink of an eye—you were two adults stuck in your own travesties. Forced to forgo the blithe energy of your childhood. You'd jump at the chance to go back; if only to get more time with Eddie. To spend a few more hours in his bedroom watching horror movies that left you both shell shocked and restless.

To cheer him on at every game with the promise of burgers and shakes at the local drive in afterwards. To watch him grow up and move to New York. Only this time...you'd follow him the second he asked.

His eyes softened as your smile slipped from your lips, fingers curling around his fist. Hazel had never been your favorite color until Eddie left. You rarely thought of it when he was home, but as his absence became a reality you could no longer suffer through you began to see the color everywhere. In the trees, in the color of your old blanket you stole off his childhood bed, in the flannel that once belonged to his grandfather.

You found traces of Eddie Alden in every little aspect of your life, except him.

"Kitten," he murmured, a fraction closer than he'd been a minute ago. His eyes dropped to the curve of your lips, how they parted so sweetly at the sound of your pet name.

"Eddie..."

All that remained was the space between your heads—your body practically leaning into him the longer you talked. He could lean in and kiss you. He could finally learn what you tasted like, figure out how you'd sound if his tongue licked along yours. Fuck he'd never wanted something more.

The dazed glint in your eyes made his heart twist, his tongue peeking out to wet his bottom lip. Your gaze fixed on the movement immediately and Eddie felt his cock twitch in interest. One day he'd explain to you how fucking beautiful you were; how his mind went haywire at the sight of your smile. How he'd destroy himself to get you to look at him like he hung the moon and stars.

One day he'd spill his deepest darkest secrets to you.

Starting with three little words that kept him up at night tossing and turning.

He swallowed thickly. "I..."

The door buzzed loud enough to scare the shit out of you. Leaping back, you felt the breath catch in your throat painfully and like an idiot you began to cough. Eddie's eyes went wide, his hand tapping your back as you waved him off to get the pizza. Leaving you to sit there on his couch and choke...on air.

Dumbass.

"Thanks man," Eddie muttered, handing off what cash he had left in his wallet. "Keep the change."

He rushed back to the couch, pizza in one hand and a glass of water in the other. "Kit, you okay? Here drink this before you die on my fuckin' couch."

"Shut up Eddie," you snipped, eyes burning with a glare. Though the smile on your lips told him something else. "Hand over the pizza before it's you dying."

"Yes ma'am," he muttered, flipping open the box and swiping the remote off the coffee table. Taking his spot by your side back with a grin.

"I can't fucking move," you grumbled, leg splayed on Eddie's lap as the movie credits rolled across the screen.

He scoffed, kneading the flesh of your calf. "That's cause you ate five slices of pizza."

"You're one to talk Alden. You ate the other five." Nudging his leg with your socked foot, you tried to get a rise out of the man who couldn't stop smiling. At one point it would have unnerved you. Given you the impression that he was making fun of you, but then it dawned on you as bright as daybreak.

Eddie Alden was happy.

"It's one a.m. Kit," he groaned, head falling to the back of the couch. "I've gotta get up for work at six."

"That's so early," you sighed.

"Yeah well. Some of us work for a living."

Another nudge to his thigh deepened his smile and your heart notched another mark that began to form his name the day you turned twelve. His lethargic form struck you in the stomach. Sexy in his long sleeve black sweater rolled at the sleeves. Beautiful with that broad smile and twinkling eyes of joy.

Bewitching in every aspect that made him yours.

Though that remained a blatant fantasy in your mind that would never come to fruition. If only you took a peek inside Eddie's mind. If only you looked at him for longer than a few minutes at a time. You would finally see that his heart started beating for you the day he met you; unable to find a rhythm for anyone else because your song kept him alive.

Your heart's song held him on his knees hoping.

"So that means curfew?" you muttered.

He shrugged. "For me. Doesn't have to be for you."

Disappointment flickered in his eyes, masked quick enough to conceal the ache that rang in his chest. But you caught onto it, tugged it towards you to inspect what exactly he wanted from you. Perhaps it was stupid to put all your energy into pleasing a man, but when it came to Eddie you couldn't help it.

Seeing him happy made your entire body sing. It brought you a light you didn't know could exist in a life that remained bleak without him.

"I'm fine going to sleep early."

"Are ya sure?" he pressed, his thumb curling around your ankle—the soft brush teasing chills down your spine.

Biting on the inside of your cheek hard enough to distract from his touch, you nodded. "Just make it up to me tomorrow."

This time…he didn't bother to hide the effect your words had on him. A smirk curling onto his lips, eyes dark enough to shove the breath from your lungs. How could a man look so alluring? Eddie was your siren. A predator who called you out to the depths of the sea with his soothing song of love. A man who never knew how your heart broke each night. He'd never know how you cried yourself to sleep that first night he left, never learn that you struggled to breathe without him.

He would go on as he always did and you would watch with a somber smile.

"C'mon," you sighed, sliding off the couch and effectively breaking his hold on your leg (much to his dismay). "You've got to sleep. I'm not gonna be responsible for you fucking up at your job."

With a snort he followed dutifully, hands grabbing for yours as you walked him to the small corner by his bedroom door. "I fuck up already Kit. And try as I might, I could never quite figure out how to pin it all on you."

His smirk cracked into a full blown smile, laughter echoing in the large apartment when you landed a smack to his chest. Wrestling your wrists into his hands, he turned you swiftly until he leaned against his door, a lazy grin on his lips. That fucking grin. A hazard to your own heart.

"You keep hitting me, kitten. Living up to your name every day."

You glared. "Unless you prefer I bite you."

A jolt went down his spine, body warming the longer you stood there eyeing him with a barely controlled fury. The playful anger that landed him in trouble more than once. Endless nights of wrestling like fiends, challenges won and lost, board games that turned violent too quickly to control. You were each other's kryptonite—the weakness never to be mentioned beyond shared looks and bouts of possession.

You were his to love. His to keep.

If only you knew.

"I'm never opposed to biting," he replied, eyebrows raised.

"Gross."

"It's not gross." Leaning down he pressed a kiss to your cheek, thumb running along your pulse point on your wrist. "It's kinky."

You scoffed, shoving at his chest. "I don't want to know!"

"Oh come on Kit! I've got stories–"

Slipping free, you headed to the guest room. "Go to sleep Eddie."

"You don't want a bedtime story?" He trailed after you, leaning against the doorframe, gaze intently watching you dig through your suitcase for a weathered graphic tee he bought at nineteen from a shitty indie concert. To see you kept it all this time made his heart flutter, his stomach twisting into familiar knots he longed for when you were apart from each other. "I can easily put you to sleep."

"Keep being gross. See how long I stay," you joked, pointedly staring over his shoulder. "Do you mind?"

He settled further, arms crossed at his chest. "Definitely not."

"Get out you freak."

"Now there's no need for name calling–" A pillow hit his face. "Or for violence. I swear you keep wanting to hurt me."

"Well if it works."

He snatched the pillow off the floor, tossing it back onto the bed before he jabbed a finger in your face—even as you smiled up at him with those eyes that catapulted him directly into the damn sun. "Behave kitten."

"Oh bite me Alden."

"See now we're talking!"

A shove against his chest had him stumbling towards the door, your entire body being used like a counterweight to push him out. He fell into the hallway with a grunt, teeth clamping onto his bottom lip to silence the laughter that threatened to echo off the empty walls. This wasn't an unusual position to find yourselves in—fighting like children who each held onto one end of a life altering secret.

Nights spent in the comfort of your home in high school with Eddie forced to sleep on the floor (per your mother's instructions) lead to picking on one another until the other caved. A past time you often ached to get back.

Maybe that's why you couldn't stop smiling at the sight of him trying to cling to the edge of your doorway. Maybe that's why your heart was set to burst when he snuck back in to simply hear you shout his name.

Two humans helplessly gone for one another with nothing to show for it but a lifetime of friendship. Never meant to be more than this.

"Night kitten!" he called from his room, the door shutting with a soft thud as you slipped beneath the thick comforter.

"Goodnight Eddie," you sighed, settled atop the mountain of pillows, your eyes fixed on the frame a few feet away.

The smiling image of younger you mocked the current situation; her haughty demeanor formed a sour pit in your stomach, your body desperate to curl in on itself the longer you stared at the past. You were so naive back then. Ready and willing to jump when Eddie gave you the go ahead. But what's changed? How had you moved away from that young hopeless girl? You still gave into his pleas, you relinquished your strength and handed it over without taking a second to think perhaps you should have considered the fallout.

Eddie said jump.

And suddenly you found yourself in New York.

Still naive. Still hopelessly in love with a man who might never see you as anything other that high school girl. The kitten who trailed after him looking for an owner who might show you some love, who might spare you a second glance.

"Pathetic," you muttered, flipping to your other side in the hopes that sleep would find you.

The creak of your partially shut door is what roused you from a restless and fitful two hours of chasing sleep to no avail. Your eyes cracked open in the pitch black, body rolling to see the kitchen light illuminate a rather tall and shirtless Eddie. He rubbed a hand over his face, eyes bleary with lack of sleep, and wordlessly you pulled the blankets back to the empty side on your right.

A smile curled on his lips, lazy and barely there, but it lit you up from the inside out—his feet softly padding on the cement floor as he stumbled through the room. Unsuccessfully if the whispered cuss word muttered under his breath after hitting his leg was anything to go by. You hid your grin beneath the edge of the comforter, feeling the bed dip when he shuffled to find the comfiest spot.

"'S fucking cold in here," he mumbled, shoving the blanket up to his neck.

"It's your apartment."

"Yeah, yeah. Just c'mere." He sighed, long and bordering on defeat. "I missed you."

He didn't give you the option of backing out, his hands grasping blindly for your waist. Of course, you didn't put up much of a fight either. The bed felt desolate in his absence. As if it'd been waiting for him all this time—hoping he might come to fill the gaps where frigid air seeped through. Somehow Eddie remained your knight in shining armor. Your savior against the horrors no matter how minuscule.

Dark bedrooms and empty beds included.

Silence swept over you in gentle soothing waves. The promise of sleep settled contently in your grasp, allowing you a moment to finally rest for the first time since you got on that plane. But you couldn't find it in you to close your eyes. Instead you let your gaze wander over Eddie's face as he sunk into the depths of sleep—his hand clasped in yours and settled between your bodies.

"Hey Eddie," you whispered.

"Hm?"

"I missed you too."

His lips curled slightly, body shifting close enough for you to feel his breath wash across your face. Warm and minty fresh and so much like Eddie it chipped another piece of your heart off. He didn't know how painful it would be to leave. How you'd cling to memories as tiny as this in the dark of your own bedroom.

He wouldn't understand how you broke sleeping next to the love of your life, yet a chasm deep enough to drown you sat between you. Oh, what you wouldn't give to swim across with ease and find yourself on the shores of his love. You wished for him on every falling star, with each set of birthday candles, and yet the powers of the universe felt compelled to keep you apart.

"Hey Eddie." He hummed, his thumb running across your wrist. "Did you buy this bed for me?"

His laugh was low, a mere breath let loose in the wild for you to intake with your own. Yet you felt his hand tighten around yours and the slight shift of his face as his nose nudged yours.

Where you expected to get a firm no—a repeated response from hours before—Eddie Alden still had a way to surprise you.

"Yeah," he admitted softly, effectively setting your heart on fire.

Sunlight illuminated the open doorway, spilling into the bedroom with its soft glow. You ached to sleep for a few hours more, or at least until you could effectively wean the jet lag from your body. The bed was cold to the touch on Eddie's side—his furnace-like qualities doing nothing to keep you warm in the early afternoon air.

On winter nights he made sleeping with a shitty radiator worth the lack of blankets. But that might have just been because it was him beside you and no one else.

You winced when your bare feet made contact with the frozen floor—the shock to your system forcing you to remain awake. The urge to ask for a rug rose to the forefront of your mind, but Eddie had already spent so much time perfecting the bedroom. Each detail catered to your distinct style and taste. A small offering of home in the middle of an unknown city.

A small basket of your favorite snacks—that certainly hadn't been there last night—sat on the dresser. You chose not to question it, grabbing a cookie out of the pack to quell your stomach. Chocolate and peanut butter, a dangerous combination.

The same cookies you shared on the roof of his house—the echo of his parents shouting about everything and anything muffled in the background. A shitty radio propped by his feet to drown them out and the echo of your voice filling his ears. He never complained, so you kept talking. All the way through high school and college and each late night phone call.

You unknowingly became the salve to Eddie's pain.

The bandage that held up when all the others withered away. You kept him stable through endless fights with his father, on nights he simply couldn't take hearing his mother cry anymore. You held him on days when the grief of being the only thing tying their toxic relationship together became too much. The expectation to maintain a perfect standard ate away at him, until eventually…he didn't care anymore.

Until you made him change his mind; the invisible red string of fate connecting the two of you dragged him out of the darkness. Since then he refused to let go—not that you wanted him to.

"Eddie?" you called, ambling to the kitchen.

Burnt coffee stung your nose, drawing a smile to the surface. But a press of your palm to the half filled cold pot let you know he made it several hours ago. Probably in the hopes that it would rouse you from sleep before he took off for work. You caught sight of a small ripped piece of notebook paper attached to the fridge beneath a overly large magnet of Lady Liberty.

Coffee's for you (since you asked for only the best). I'm at work if you need to reach me, but feel free to grab breakfast at the cafe down the street. On me.

-Eddie

A twenty was stuffed beneath the corner of the magnet, crinkled and folded more times than you could guess. You wondered if he dug it out of his pocket—coat or jacket—and figured it would hold you over until he came home. The gesture simmered low in your stomach, fluttering up in waves of cascading love that longed to drown you. Some other day you would have let it, but today you stood in Eddie's apartment.

Today you got to spend time with your favorite person.

That was reason enough to swim back to the shore and claw your way along wet sand that your hands sunk into.

Dragging your heavy coat up and over your body, you pocketed the spare set of keys Eddie left out on the counter. A set that was always meant for you—not that he told you. Exploring New York on your own was never a part of the plan, but something warm burned bright in your chest at the thought of getting to witness parts of it for yourself. Things that Eddie wouldn't be attached to. Moments stolen for your own safe keeping.

Perhaps one day you'd tell him about this small adventure. Or maybe he'd pry the information out of you tonight over drinks. Either way you felt lighter than you had in years, strolling along the icy sidewalks, your breath forming a cloud with each soft exhale.

People rushed past you, some stuck in a phone call—a briefcase attached to their hand—others weighed down by gift bags meant for the upcoming holiday season. All with somewhere to be.

Clouds of dark gray were scattered across the sky, as if created by a single brush stroke with no real purpose. You longed to have a camera in your hands, to snap photos of your first time in the city. Pictures you would be able to look back on and hold in your hand; time that you'd never get again. At least then you might get to leave with something other than a broken and heavy heart.

The cafe was sparse with a few people sitting at tables, books or notebooks or even a newspaper propped in front of them. Steam rising off their various mugs. Everyone was looking to escape the cold for a bit. For some reason that made you smile.

Fishing the twenty out of your pocket, you barely got two feet into the place before ramming into someone's back. You braced yourself to fall, hands clenched in fists to give your arms the impact, only for someone to grip your forearms and drag you into a proper standing position. People's eyes were fixed on the scene before them. Someone about to make a fool of themselves—a person they would no doubt speak about to their significant others and friends later on today.

"Fuck I'm sorry," you gasped, righting your feet to keep some form of balance.

The first thing you noticed was his laugh.

Dark and raspy and soft enough to fill your body with a flutter that felt unknown to you in the presence of someone else. Your head rose to thank your savior, but brown eyes were all you could see. Warm with honey and amber that lit up with the quirk of his lips. Only once in your life had a man stolen the breath right from your chest, yet there he was. Drawing forth that spark of fleeting want that stirred low in your stomach—filling your head with a haze that felt soothing on your nerves.

"You alright?" he asked, voice a smooth match for his laugh.

Swallowing thickly, you attempted to drag common sense to the forefront of your mind. "I'm…um…okay."

Another laugh left you flustered enough to feel a thrill of panic streak down your spine. "In a rush for coffee?"

"What?"

He glanced at the way your fist was clutched around the twenty dollar bill. "You can go in front of me if it's an emergency."

"Oh. No I'm just wandering," you admitted, a bit breathier than you would have liked. "I'm not from here."

"Ah. Visiting?"

You nodded. "Came to see my friend. Although I guess I'm shit out of luck cause he's at work right now."

"And you came here for coffee?" His laugh was quickly burrowing in your mind, finding space where there's only ever been room for one man. Eddie. "He doesn't have good taste in coffee does he?"

"What's wrong with this place?"

A shrug had him lifting his hands in surrender. "Okay coffee, short lines. Although I guess I can't complain now that you're here."

Oh.

He was flirting with you.

He looked at you with a kindness that melted the armor that encased your heart for one man. The protection you thought was needed to survive loving someone who may never be able to love you back. Countless years of Eddie falling for woman after woman, times that left you broken and bitter simply thinking about the concept of romance in any form. But here stood a man who possibly wanted to get to know you.

Someone with a nice smile and eyes that screamed endless joy.

The grin on your lips came with ease this time around. "Your lucky day."

"Now that you mention it." His brows pulled together in a mock thought. "I did have a pretty good feeling about this place."

"Fate's doing?"

"Could be." Moving his way up to the counter, you quickly took that chance to fix any part of yourself that could be in disarray. "I'll take a latte and whatever she's having."

"That's not–"

The barista clicked the sharpie with an expression screaming of boredom. "Name?"

"Louie."

"Five minutes."

"Thank you ma'am." Snatching a small card placed at the front he scribbled something down and shoved it your way. "For you."

The wary glance didn’t seem to deter him. "The bill?"

He chuckled; you ached to hear that sound as many times as possible before the both of you parted ways. "My number. And name. Figure that might help."

"Louie…Parker."

"That's me."

The both of you huddled near a corner table, his back leaning against the wall and hands shoved into his coat pockets. A part of you dug for faults amidst his perfect smile and sharp nose—any chance for your heart to come to terms with why you should walk away. Useless reasons why you didn't need to stand here entertaining a man you might never see again. Yet nothing sprung to mind.

He was kind. Open and willing to let you pick through his mind—to see that what he wanted wasn’t the opposite of the other man your heart pined for.

Suddenly the name Louie sounded sweet coming off your tongue. The letters mixed with the lyrical melody of a future you didn’t consider before meeting Eddie. A chance to finally grow the way you wanted. You weren’t tied to one single person and to trick yourself into believing that was a disservice to yourself.

His name rang through the small cafe, signaling that your time together was slowly coming to a close. But you found yourself attempting to come up with a way to stay on this page—stopping the story in place.

“Here you go.” He handed over your order with a full blown smile that shone with a nervousness you felt linger in your own stomach.

So this is what you’d been missing all these years.

“I don’t do this much,” he began, tearing open two packs of sugar with a shaky cough. “But if you happen to find yourself free or with loads of time on your hands. I’d be happy to show you around the city.”

You sipped at your drink, biting back the smile that still forced its way onto your lips. “Adventuring with a stranger. Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Well I wouldn’t recommend it,” he huffed. “But cross my heart, boy scout honor, promise that I am normal as they come around here."

“Boy scout?”

His cheeks flushed scarlet; you finally understood the appeal of flirting. “Nothing wrong with being a boy scout.”

“No you’re right I’m sorry,” you giggled.

He straightened and graced you with a smile bright enough to rival the spark of caffeine in your veins. “Call me. If you want of course. But…I hope you do.”

At one point in your life this would have been the exact opposite of everything you dreamed of. The small fantasy created in the mind of an impressionable and naive child slowly began to break apart the older you and Eddie got. Some piece of you still longed for the boy who held you when you cried over small mishaps and boys who called you names. But she was placed on a shelf long ago—she served her purpose, she lived with a smile, and you were thankful to have known her innocence.

They say growing up is the hard part, letting go of childhood comfort. They never spoke about letting go of childhood love, of moving past something you counted on. A future that would never be.

“I’d like that.”

“Really?” You nodded, practically watching the relief wash over his tense shoulders as he fell into step with you, heading for the door. “Okay. Okay, yeah. I’ll uh…” He rammed into a woman, nearly spilling his coffee. “Shit sorry miss.”

Latching onto his jacket, you tugged him into you to keep his feet steady—the cuss she offered in response loud enough to follow the both of you outside. Neither of you could discern who laughed first. But the first domino was set into motion, leading to the uncontrollable ache of laughter that burned through your stomach. Your cheeks hurt, the tears were rising to the surface, and Louie fared no better.

The crimson tinge of his skin spread to the tip of his nose with the cold icy chill of the afternoon air. You couldn’t tear your gaze away from his beauty. The both of you were bent over, gasping for a full breath of air, and in the midst of this small joy it hit you. This was the first time you weren’t thinking of Eddie. You weren’t wondering what he was doing, what his days were occupied with.

You were blissfully free from the thought of your true love.

And it felt good.

“I’m going this way,” he gestured behind him, the steam from his cup curling around his face.

“I’m going the other way.”

He nodded. “Exploring?”

“Probably.”

“Well.” He sucked in a breath, reluctance in his stance. But eventually the pages would flip to the final page and even though you both wanted this to go on longer, the understanding of what this was still remained. You didn’t live in New York, he would never hear from you again, and that was the beauty of strangers. “Have a good day.”

You grinned, watching him walk into the throng of people on the street, the head of dark hair melting into the crowd with a sigh. “You too,” you mumbled, heading towards the corner with a lighter heart and weightless mind.

The city sang to you while you walked. A symphony of voices, of car horns and shouts, of people chattering on calls to nowhere and everywhere. You resided in the middle of a civilization that both welcomed and ignored you. Somehow that held a string of familiarity to it. The unconscionable knowing that somewhere in the chaos of New York, you belonged here.

Old sayings came back to your mind as you passed businesses and restaurants. A truth you clung to on the days that Eddie called to relay a week's worth of information from the city that never sleeps. Something awaited you here, a piece of your future yet to come true. Perhaps that’s why you got on the plane and agreed to his constant pleading. Not to appease him, but to find that something.

Your feet hurt after an hour, the cold breaching the thick layer of your jacket, and eventually you found yourself back at Eddie’s place. The pungent scent of fish became easy enough to follow the closer you got. His key felt cold against your palm, the weight of it suddenly looming in the distance now that you crossed paths with Louie. He wanted to get to know you, he wanted to spend time with you.

Eddie left you alone to wander on the first day of your visit.

“Yeah,” you sighed, sliding the key into the lock with ease. “I’ll call him.”

“I don’t understand how you can take so fuckin’ long in here.”

You swatted the imposing hand heading straight for your near perfect eyeliner. “I’m not against biting you Alden.”

The grin he flashed you in the mirror nearly broke the resolve you built up all day—his charm striking your heart with a lethal promise. Two hours of alone time in his place gave you a chance to collect yourself. Louie’s name and number was pressed into the small notebook you kept at all times. You itched to call him, make plans for a date that was long overdue in your life.

That is until Eddie waltzed through the door with the plea for you to get ready for a night out on the town. Some time to finally be the adults who took over for two young and reckless teenagers. Reality shattered clean over your head, reminding you that this trip—this short lived time of fun—was always meant to be spent with Eddie.

He made the plans, he got you here. To spend it with another man felt inherently wrong.

“Again with the biting kitten,” he sighed, sipping his cocktail made messily in the kitchen. “I’m starting to think you like the idea of marking me up.”

Your hand faltered, the mascara wand nearly ramming into your eye. “You’re delusional.”

“Mhm.” He popped the olive in his mouth with a grin, shaking his head at the glare thrown over your shoulder. “You don’t have to be fancy. It’s just a bar.”

“I’m doing this for myself Eddie.”

The slight roll of his eyes didn’t slip past you—his muttered words brushed off with another swipe of lipstick. Rarely did you get the chance to head out at home. Stuffed into cheap back road bars that believed the shitty beer would stop people from commenting on the state of their bathrooms. Forced to listen to nostalgic conversations that always stemmed back to the good old days of high school.

After a year or two of friends dragging you past the thresholds of buildings that’d seen far more than necessary from a string of generations that came before you, it eventually led to the confines of your apartment being your safe space.

Soon…they stopped asking for your presence already knowing the answer that sat urgently on the tip of your tongue.

“Never thought you’d be one to go fancy,” he mused, leaning against the door frame—his looming height throwing you off. “You never used to do it.”

You sighed, bitter and jaded and filled with empty words of irritation. “We had to grow up eventually. Consider this me being grown up.”

“Oh believe me,” he breathed, burning gaze dragging down to how your jeans molded to your hips. “I know.”

Downing the final dregs of his drink, he ripped his eyes from the dark denim with a disgruntled sigh attempting to ignore the ache in his stomach that rapidly spread to the tight confines of his own pants. Discouraging you from putting on pretty things was the last thing he wanted. The exact opposite rang in his mind like a bell without end—a reminder that if he stepped up and opened his fucking mouth this wouldn’t be an issue.

He wanted to reach for you, slide his hands into the pockets that were stretched over your ass and grope the flesh without concern for what it would do to your friendship. He longed for the chance to try and keep you in his apartment, to peel the fabric from your body with enamored words of worship.

The fear held him by the scruff of his neck, sliding down his spine with a vicious promise that this would shatter on impact. The bond stretched tight and thin over years and distance was vulnerable. To tamper with it was a catastrophe waiting to happen. He’d never forgive himself if he became the reason it ripped and frayed.

So he kept his mouth shut and watched as you admired the top that hugged your breasts, adjusting it slightly to pronounce their plushness. The second you puckered your lips, leaning forward to touch up the smudged lipstick Eddie felt his breaking point rush to the surface. With a barely hidden cough, he rushed to the kitchen for a glass of water—desperate to calm the incessant throbbing that stirred his cock to attention.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered, the cold tap water sliding down his throat with a icy burn.

It didn’t help.

“Go the fuck away.” He snarled the words under his breath, gripping the edge of the cold counter until his knuckles paled.

“Are you talking to me?”

With wide eyes, he whirled around at the soft echo of your voice filling the empty space. You with trepidation in your gaze and mouth pulled into a frown. Those pretty lips carved from marble, accentuated in a mauve he wanted smeared over the bare skin of his chest. Shutting his eyes to the sight felt like the only way he could survive tonight, but you were waiting for him to reassure the doubts that spilled into an already hesitant mind.

Worries that overtook your mind at the worst times.

“No,” he blurted out. “Not really talkin’ to anyone. Just uh…needed some water. Sore throat.”

Your brows furrowed, lips curling into a grin. “It’s cause your apartment is fucking cold!”

“Lies,” he retorted, dragging his leather jacket up and over his body. “‘S cause you got me sick.”

“Oh bullshit!” An arm draped over your shoulders, leading you to the heavy metal front door. “I didn’t show up sick. It’s all your own fault for not taking my advice.”

“Advice huh?”

“Get a better radiator or fix it. I’m not getting hypothermia for you.”

Digging his teeth into his lip, he swallowed the smile—eyes gleaming beneath the stairwell lights. “Who says you’re gonna get hypothermia? You’ve got a heater right here.” He gestured down his body with a cocksure smile. “I won’t let you get sick.”

“You have a bedroom of your own.”

“Kicking me out already?” he exclaimed, following you down the steps. “I thought we were bound for life.”

Scoffing, you turned to glance up at his imposing form—the saliva drying in your mouth instantly. “Well…we’re…friends. Not roommates.”

He clutched his heart. “You wound me kitten.”

“Fuck off Eddie,” you laughed.

“I can’t.” He fell into step beside you, guiding you out into the frozen night air. “Unfortunately you’re stuck with me.”

Two bars later and three glasses of beer had you and Eddie stumbling through the doors of his third and possibly final pick of the night. The first wound up being downstairs. A small hole in the wall that served relatively good drinks, yet held no space for two extra people to add to the madness. So he dragged you downtown to a tiny hovel beneath the towering buildings of the city—only to wind up with a shitty pungent aftertaste at the back of your throat.

The space reeked of cigarettes. Butts of smoked joints and Marlboros scattered the floor as people cheered for whatever song came up next. Couples or strangers or first timers danced aimlessly, lost in the alcohol that filled their veins. You wanted to say you fared better, but the days of drinking Eddie under the table were long gone.

A forgotten piece of youth scattered along the back roads of your town.

“I’m gonna grab another beer.” He pressed the words to your ear with cold lips and a tight grip on your hip.

“Sublime,” you drawled, watching him push through the throng of people with a determined gait in his step.

Relenting yourself to the fitful search of an empty table, you nearly rammed your hip into the corner of a booth on your way past a small group of women. A bachelorette party from the veil and flushed cheeks of a soon to be bride celebrating her future. You swallowed the sour tang of jealousy, easing yourself past with a halfhearted grin at the woman who tossed a flawless smile your way.

Marriage was never in the cards for you. Eternally bound, tied by more than the strings of fate.

How could you think of anyone else filling the space Eddie stood in for years? He was the groom in your mind, the man waiting at the end of an extremely long aisle. Replacing him felt wrong. A betrayal that nearly threw you for a loop of dizziness.

Your eyes slid over the groups of people, finding him with ease at the bar—a beer gripped tightly in his hand and a smile on his lips…for the woman on his right. Bile crept up the back of your throat, burning your stomach ruthlessly. This wasn’t jealousy, this surpassed that. What you felt was a possession that settled in your bones the second you looked at him; a part of your mind that screamed he was yours.

But he wasn’t yours.

He was a single man living in New York and you were…his friend.

Swallowing thickly you navigated past another set of tables with your head down to watch the stumble of your feet. Only to feel someone slam into your shoulder, nearly toppling you over. Yelping, you gripped the hands that reached for your shoulders—eyes wide and breath lost at the prospect of getting injured while piss poor drunk. Brown eyes flashed in your vision, a face that echoed with familiarity, and suddenly there you were.

Back in that coffee shop in the arms of a stranger.

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

You blinked rapidly, lips tilting into a grin at the sight of Louie Parker. “But how will I make an impression if we don’t?” you quipped with a breathless laugh.

“Believe me–” He settled you back on your feet, his hands dropping to the small of your back. “–you’ve made an impression.”

“A good one I hope.”

He smiled, still warm, still…different. “A great one.”

Someone shoved past you, landing you right into his chest with a muffled grunt. You longed to get out of this stuffy bar, to find your way back to the spacious yet freezing apartment. But the arrival of Louie kept you rooted to the spot, intrigued to find out what might happen next. His smile drew you in with a serene lull of quiet in this crowded and loud place. The people melted into the background as he kept you close.

A different song came on, people cheered, and yet you found that hanging out with Louie was the best option for the night. You felt bad at the thought you were forgetting Eddie entirely, but he chose to leave you on your own to hit on someone. Why couldn’t you do the same?

“So since this is our second meeting,” he started with a nervous glint in his eyes, cheeks flushed with the alcohol he no doubt drank before this. “I was wondering if you’re free…um…in a few days?”

Sucking in a breath, you felt an unfamiliar flutter echo in your chest—one that solely existed for Eddie. “I’m not here for a long time–”

“Then tomorrow night?”

You froze, eyes wide at the thought of finally getting a chance to live. You owed it to yourself to finally experience this. To give the prospect of love in a different person another chance. So with a smile you placed a hand on his chest and found your footing in an unfamiliar space.

“I’d love to.” Heat spilled across your spine where he touched you; an unexplored path you tried not to be terrified of.

“Really?” His breathless voice echoed with a rasp that had you hanging onto every word. “I can pick you up.”

Nodding, you felt the rapid rate of his heart pump beneath your hand. “Just let me know the place. Easier that way.”

“Well I don’t want you to get lost,” he drawled, eyes half lidded and burning dark with a want that left you jittery. “It is a big city.”

“That it is,” you mumbled, teeth sharply pressing into your bottom lip hard enough to keep you level.

The beer tasted shitty enough to hold him over for another twenty minutes, knuckles rapping on the bar to order an extra for you. Aria slid into the spot beside him, her lips pulled into a knowing smirk that curdled his stomach. She worked at his office, often trading her girl troubles for his. It wasn’t uncommon for him to drink a bit too much and let loose the name of his dream woman—his favorite person.

He swallowed the remainder of his drink as she turned to him, eyebrow raised as silence and the chatter of people filled the space between them. That was the thing about Aria. She refused to let him get away until he spilled his guts. Until the one thing that bugged him fell upon her attuned ears.

“Shut up,” he muttered.

She laughed, taking a sip of the vodka soda pushed her way. “You’re like a dog with a bone, Alden.”

“I don’t know what you’re fuckin’ talking about.”

“Sure you don’t.” She glanced over his shoulder, no doubt at the stunning person he’d come to call his best friend. “That her? The soulmate?”

He swallowed down another mouthful. “I didn’t say soulmate.”

With a snort she leaned close. “I believe your exact words were: I met my soulmate at twelve and she doesn’t even know how much I fucking. love. her.”

“I was drunk,” he exclaimed.

“Still said it Eddie.”

Grumbling under his breath, he sipped at the second beer meant for you—eyes fixed on the sticky wooden bar-top that held an infinite amount of rings from glasses set there over the years. It wasn’t the finest establishment, but he found it to be a part of his life here in the city. A piece of the man who learned how to live on his own in a place that nearly throttled him on the first day.

“She’s visiting,” he mumbled into his glass.

Aria hummed. “Sure seems like it’s more than that. Especially with that guy.”

Pain splintered through the tendons in his neck with how fast his head turned, picking you out within seconds. A smile played along your smudged lips, your gaze transfixed on the man whose hands were curled around your hips. The same spot Eddie craved to touch each night, the same body that he longed to love with his teeth and tongue.

Rage simmered at the top of his stomach, his fingers clenching around the glass hard enough to crack it—jaw ticking and teeth grinding at the sight of your carefree laugh directed at someone else.

He never wanted to burn the world more. To ram his fist into the face of a man who might have been astronomically nice.

“Excuse me,” he spit out, getting to his feet with a lungful of air.

Her knowing laugh fell on deaf ears while he shoved past people. He was five seconds from vaulting over the tables to get to you, his heart hammering sharply against his chest. This hostility towards your dating life wasn’t born from malice. Not in any way that was directed at you. He merely hated each man who showed even a partial interest in you.

All through high school he shoved them away with duplicitous words and rueful smiles. Claiming that you were already dating someone, that you weren’t looking for much.

Perhaps it was awful. Maybe he destroyed your love life to sleep easier at night. But he did it because none of them would know your favorite color, or remember the album you played on a constant loop in tenth grade, or envision the home they’d build with you and what color the kitchen would be. They’d never see the depths of your heart even as you blatantly wore it on your sleeve.

He would.

He always had.

Call it selfish, call it insanity, call it hypocritical for bringing you heartache as he slept with half of New York. They all rang with a truth that haunted him—picking him a part with the ruthless edge of a sword he walked daily.

Because he was selfish and insane and a fucking hypocrite. He was everything you’d call him and more the day you found out. And he’d take it with a smile, the taste of you on his tongue as he stole a kiss. He would face the wrath of your anger if it meant you were his.

“How are you liking New York?” The man’s question echoed with a reverence that made the alcohol in Eddie’s stomach churn.

Somehow in such a short time you managed to charm a man before Eddie could gain the courage to tell you the truth. He knew he would be sick the second you guys got back to his place. He’d find himself on the bathroom floor as you pulled and strangled his weeping heart. And he couldn’t even blame you for it. You didn’t know the extent of his feelings, you were completely unaware of how he spent some days thinking of what you were doing—what you were thinking about—and it was all his fault.

“The city is packed–”

Eddie sauntered over with a smile, his hand finding purchase on the small of your back. “Is that why you’ve been trying to get out of visiting me, kitten?”

You froze, expression swirling with the guilt of being caught with your hand in the cookie jar, and Eddie had never felt more pathetic in his life. How could he make you feel bad about this? How could he ruin another prospect that clearly seemed interested in the way your lashes fluttered against your cheeks with each quick blink? Was he truly this inconsiderate?

“Oh!” You glanced at Eddie, your pupils dilating at the sight of his smirk. His ego swelled at the sight. “Eddie there you are.”

“Here I am.” At long last he finally acknowledged the man who clung to you with rapturous awe in his eyes. “And who is this?”

The stranger relented his hold on your hip to extend that same hand towards him. “Louie Parker. You must be the best friend?”

“And oldest friend,” he replied in a snarky tone of reproach, gripping hard enough to see him wince. “Since elementary school. Right Kit?”

“Kit?” Louie grinned at you; Eddie seethed.

You seemed none the wiser of the obvious pissing contest directly in front of you. “Old nickname. Eddie’s mom gave it to me. She used to call me the stray kitten he found next door.”

“It’s cute,” Louie replied. “Kitten.”

Eddie’s fingers curled into fists, eyes burning with enough anger to set the entire bar ablaze. You looked happy with Louie, blissfully so. It dug at the insecure parts of himself he thought he buried in college—the parts that screamed for peace. He didn’t come from a perfect family. He didn’t have the greatest hold of his temper. He wasn’t…the man you deserved. Maybe Louie was and maybe Louie was meant to be your husband—your forever.

That alone left him aching to snuff out the sparks even as they flew above his head. Selfish, greedy, possessive. Eddie was all of that and more, and he refused to be ashamed of things that kept you in his life.

You’d hate him for it later. That he could handle.

As long as you were there to hate him.

“We gotta go,” he announced, hooking a finger into the back belt loop of your jeans to tug you closer. “There’s another spot I wanted to show you.”

Staring at him incredulously made him dizzy with the sight. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Bars don’t close till three kitten.”

The pout on your lips had his heart dropping to his stomach. Fuck what he wouldn’t give to lick the mauve stain off your mouth. He wanted to taste the alcohol off your tongue, to test his theory of it being better off your tastebuds. He wondered what you would do if he were to kiss you right now in front of everyone. Would you push him off? Would you curse at him with vitriol on your lips? Or would you sink into it with the same needy ache that spread down to the tips of his fingers?

He hoped for the former even as he knew the latter was reality.

“But I…” A quick glance at Louie left you floundering for the right answer. Eddie played it up with a ruthless streak of defiance.

Leaning in, he felt you go slack in his hold at the sight of his wide eyes pleading for you to say yes. “Please.”

You sighed, pulling free from Louie’s hold with an apologetic grin. “I’ll call you.”

Pride bloomed in his chest, guilt clinging to the last dregs of beer that sat at the top of his stomach. This vacation wasn’t meant for you to fall in love with someone else. But who was he to make that choice for you? You should have spit at him, cussed at him with the teenage fury handed to him in the past. The girl he longed to see once more.

The one you buried the day he left you behind. A way to escape the pain of his absence.

“This better be good,” you mumbled, hand gripped into the back of his jacket as he led you through the crowd.

His hand itched to slide into the pocket of your pants; instead he sunk his teeth into the flesh of his cheek. “You’ve never seen the city at night.”

“I’m here all week. We could have gone some other day.”

A shrug became his only answer. The opportunity for silence grew easier as you traipsed beside him, the echo of night drumming the chaotic beat he grew to harmonize with. Taxi’s honked their horns, people shouted across small streets. New York in all its glory. A list of spots to take you formed in his head, the bars and cafes still open past midnight. You would loathe most, find no entertainment in others, and so he led you aimlessly—no true destination needed when all he craved was your company.

Much to his surprise you looped your arm around his, soaking in the glow of streetlights and frozen air of an icy winter. Eyes filled with wonder and lips curled into a grin, he knew this was it. The moment he’d think back to after your plane departed, after you finally left him to survive the gaping hole forged in his unsteady heart. You with starlight in your eyes—rapture painted across a face he saw in his dreams.

A haunting angel that saved him long ago.

“You look like you belong here Kit,” he admitted with a whispered reverence.

Your gaze met his—the sparkle bright enough to rival the glow of the moon. “I do huh?”

“A true New Yorker if I’ve ever seen one.”

“High praise coming from you.”

A beat of silence echoed with decades of a future brimming with one single possibility. A life spent here…with you.

“So stay,” he uttered.

The whip of your head sent pain down your neck. “Ha ha Eddie.”

“I’m not joking.”

Your smile faltered. “I can’t stay here Eddie. I don’t…”

“You don’t what?” His brows furrowed—other hand sliding to keep you close.

“I don’t belong here.” With a sigh you ducked your head, the streetlight playing off your hair, forming a halo. “Not like you do. I’d have nothing holding me here, nothing to do.”

His chest twisted, heart stuttering an unknown beat of anguish. “Yes you do.”

“Eddie–”

“You belong here more than you know. With…”

With me.

To wrench the words out of his chest felt impossible. A feat he’d been trying to overcome since highschool. One that grew in size the more years that passed—his secret tucked away from reality, its frail unsure nature reeking with a vulnerability he was too ashamed to reveal. But you knew more than anyone. You knew his quirks, how he dreamt of being a screenwriter, how he broke down crying the night his mother officially signed the divorce papers—splitting his life down the middle.

You’d seen him on his knees begging the world to cease his suffering. And in a way it did. Because with every smile you gave him, all the nights spent laughing until your stomachs flared with that soothing ache, you healed his haphazardly stitched up heart.

A question still burned in his chest, spurting out of his mouth without thought. “What do you think of love Kit?”

The incredulous expression on your face nearly made him take it back. But then…you answered.

“It’s ridiculous.”

He blanched, swallowing back the nausea. “What…”

Truth tumbled from your lips with a spite he’d never seen before—an anger that lay unresolved in your spirit. “It’s all bullshit. The whole romantic true love notion. It doesn’t exist.”

“Kitten–”

“No. You told me a long time ago that the whole true love soulmate shit isn’t real. And I tried to defend it—like really tried—but I think I’ve gotten tired of waiting for the knight in shining armor who doesn’t exist.”

Swallowing thickly, he shut out the piece of his heart perilously close to breaking off. “How do you know he doesn’t exist?” he croaked.

“Because he would have found me by now.” With a weary sigh, you shrugged. “Or maybe he does exist and just doesn’t want me.”

I want you. I want you till the end of time. I want you in this life and the next and each one we wind up in together.

But like a coward…he stayed quiet. “Oh…”

The words damning love—striking it down with a whip of fury—sounded different coming out of your mouth. As if you believed their bitterness. Took it to heart with the vow to escape from the emotions he never knew how to control. Soulmates weren’t bullshit, true love wasn’t fake. He knew that now.

He’d known the second he met you.

If only the stupidity of youth hadn’t dragged him down to a place he could never return.

“It’s freezing Eddie.”

Jolting out of his flurry of thoughts, he watched your eyes wide and shining look at him with hope. A fleeting need that simmered at the base of his stomach. The alcohol was starting to wear off, the lingering effects of a morning doomed with the hangover flaring to life. He sucked in a breath, steadying himself with a needy rush that fortified itself in the back of his head.

Focusing on the sound of your voice became difficult when all he could hear was the pleas to kiss you. His own mind turning against the docile moments of silence meant to swallow his affections.

He was nearing his breaking point. That alone should have terrified him.

“C’mere.” Looping his arms around your back he tucked you into his jacket, his chin finding a spot against your head, hands pressed into the heavy coat that never seemed to be enough.

A perfect placement of two halves unsure of whether or not they fit together.

The puzzle would remain unfinished, disjointed. But that’s how you’d grown to love one another. Perfectly imperfect.

“They sell hot chocolate at a cafe near here.”

You perked up with a smile, chin resting on his chest. “Hot chocolate? With whipped cream?”

“What do I look like? An animal?” he scoffed. “‘Course they got whipped cream.”

“Lead the way Alden.”

Sunlight felt odd when coupled with the frozen air of his living room; a fresh blanket of snow coated his balcony—the tops of buildings layered in what you could only describe as a white winter. The picture perfect background to time spent in New York during the holidays. Only your time was quickly coming to a close, your last two days moving exponentially fast given who you were spending it with. Although you supposed the melancholy of leaving your best friend behind made it worse.

You didn’t want to go home. You didn’t want to spend the holidays in a town scattered with memories of Eddie when he wasn’t around to make new ones.

So you resigned yourself to his couch with a book, a scratchy throw blanket covering your legs and a flattened pillow set behind your back. Both should have made for a time of awful relaxation, but you’d never been more comfortable. Surrounded by Eddie’s scent in his home as he hummed a broken tune in his bedroom. The clack of his keyboard loud enough to drown out the traffic outside—the horn of cars and taxis drifting through the thin glass.

The contrast of the two worlds left you sinking a bit further on his couch, your eyes soaking in the words typed neatly on the page. A love story. Ironic given the conversation the two of you had last night—confusing yet filled with clarity as to what you really believed. What you were unsure of from the start. Yes you believed in love, no you didn’t think true love was about to happen upon you on a random night in the city.

You wondered if Eddie was referring to Louie. The man he couldn’t pull you away from fast enough. Perhaps he saw something in the stranger. A flash of darkness you were too blind to notice.

The game of romance felt brand new, the fear of taking all the wrong steps swelling in your chest the more you strived towards it. Having your heart broken was bound to happen given that you’d never experienced much in love. The past was littered with memories of Eddie, of time spent with him as the only man in your life—the one who should have taught you what to do.

But now you were wading into open waters, desperate to see what lay on that small island of love, the hope in your heart diminishing the more your body ached from swimming.

Louie was nice. You liked him.

That had to be enough.

She cupped his face, lips searching for plush lips and whispers of the next day. The night echoed with the beat of their hearts, a tangled intermingling of souls who searched eternity for the prospect of forever. He kissed her with a husk filled groan, fingers gripping the base of her neck and cock sliding through dripping folds—

“Story must be pretty good to have your nose so far into it.”

You jerked back, eyes wide as Eddie’s broad form filled your eye level. “W-what?”

The sly raise of his eyebrow went unnoticed by your racing mind. “I asked if it was a good story.”

“Oh–” You shut the book on your finger, coughing subtly as your thighs pressed together. “Yeah. Great story.”

The original plan to visit his work was overshadowed by the hangover blinding the both of you into submission. Painkillers were your savior and cheap coffees bought down the street were your resolute salvation. It took two hours of laying in bed as Eddie moaned and grumbled down the hall on the phone in an attempt to snag yet another sick day. Eventually you dragged yourself out to the freezing cold kitchen, wincing as bare skin touched cement and effectively turned to ice.

That was an hour ago. Enough time for you to find the strength to focus your eyes on pages lined with lascivious and vulgar acts that made your heart race. It was a standard bodice ripper, picked up at the airport as a hopeful distraction on the journey here. Only to find that you actually enjoyed the story.

“Wanna tell me what it’s about?”

Heat prickled beneath the cold skin of your cheeks—his gaze unwavering and perceptive. “A love story.”

“Love story,” he mumbled.

“Standard romance. Man likes woman, proceeds to try and woo woman…stuff like that.”

“Ah.” A hand ripped the paperback from your grip quicker than you anticipated, his eyes devouring the page you marked as you sprang to your feet.

“Eddie!”

“He kissed her with a husk filled groan, fingers gripping the base of her neck and cock sliding through dripping folds…” A ruddy scarlet flush bloomed across his face, traveling rapidly to the tips of his ears—his eyes wide and lips parted.

Spit was smeared across crimson lips, his fingers finding a home on her waiting tongue—body curving over her pliant form with a moan. She was spread beneath him, eyes shining in anticipation, a cry tearing from the base of her elongated throat at the first thrust into her drooling cunt.

Eddie couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not.

“You fucker!” you shouted, yanking the novel back with a sneer. “You don’t have to know everything.”

The sharp edge of your words spilled out onto deafened ears as he regarded you with dark eyes, teeth digging into his bottom lip hard enough to split it open. His cock twitched in his sweatpants, leaking into the boxers he knew he’d have to wash the second your attention was elsewhere.

It’s not that he had no self control—he did. Eddie prided himself on his restraint knowing how many times he could have kissed you, how many nights he watched you sleep and held back from caressing your cheek.

All his life he spent every fucking day keeping himself from begging you to take him, to break and ruin him beyond repair.

But at this very moment he felt another strand of the rope around his throat snap; the invasive feral need to have you—ravish you—pounded through his body. It screamed with intent. Clawed at his mind as images of you trapped in that same scenario began to shove their way to the forefront. You in his bed, lips forming around the letters of his name, the comfortable clothes you wore in a heap on the floor.

You taking his cock like the good fucking girl he knew you were.

The nice sweetheart he belonged to.

“We’re going out,” he said abruptly, biting harshly on the inside of his cheek. The sticky wet sensation in his sweatpants felt unbearable when you were here, his body aching to just let you touch him—to drop to his knees and let you have your way.

Except that felt too forward; that would scare you.

“Where?” you demanded, eyes narrowed at his blank face.

“Lunch.” His tongue swiped along the bitten and swollen bottom lip. “I’m starving.”

The audible click of your swallow seared into the back of his head, gratification pouring out into the open at the thought that you reacted to him. That your now flustered expression was due to him. He swiveled on his heel, bee lining for the bathroom as you stood in shock. Your heart thumping a rapid and unknown beat that spread down between the thigh clench of your thighs. You wanted to hear him rasp those words again. His eyes shadowed by the aching need of a man who hadn’t been laid in days.

Even if you could tell the book was the only thing to rile him up. That look alone would plague your dreams for months on end—your fingers working tirelessly to give you just enough.

You didn’t hear the thump of Eddie’s forehead hit the shower wall—his body humming with anticipation. Nor did you hear the gruff biting moan that bounced off tile, soon drowned out by water the second his hand wrapped around his already leaking and blushing cock. What control he clamped onto flew out of his body at the first pump of his fist, a wet grunt tumbling out of parted lips slick with his spit.

The last time he got off this fast reared in his mind. You prancing up and down a beach in a bikini, tits bouncing and the fat of your thighs rippling with each dash into the water. He came in his hand quick enough to make him go blind, his head fuzzy with the high of imagining you on your knees. Mouth parted to swallow his spend with soft breathy moans.

“Fuck,” he spit, thumb pressing beneath the head of his throbbing length.

Embarrassment should have washed over him by now—that twinge of shame tugging at his gut. But your flustered expression stamped itself behind his shut eyelids, desperation his base state in the confines of the small shower. For a brief second you wanted him. You yearned for him to keep going.

A stuttered moan ricocheted off the walls. No doubt loud enough to spill into the kitchen, but Eddie couldn’t fucking care. He was climbing towards a searing release, his body curling forward and hand pressed against the cold wall. The tremble of his thighs was the telltale sign that it would be over soon, but something shifted. Suddenly he wasn’t just thinking about you on the floor sucking him off to a quick conclusion.

Now he pictured you in the bedroom, bent over his kitchen counter as coffee brewed, on the floor of the living room strewn across a heap of blankets. He imagined you writhing in ecstasy with his name on your lips—your back bowed and head tipped as a cry wrenched from your throat. How his cock would slide into you with ease, slick pouring out to make a filthy mess between your sweaty bodies. He’d have you any way you wanted, but this he took for himself.

His imagination was his only solace in a life spent parted from you.

The stutter of your name ripped from his lips with a whine, the slap of his hand bouncing off the walls as he came with a hiss. Spilling over pale knuckles and washing down the drain with a sigh.

Pathetic wasn’t the word to describe how he felt the second he wrapped the towel around his waist, water dripping across the floor as he wiped down the fogged up mirror. He was the mud beneath a soldier's boots. The grime stuck to old cars left to rot in junkyards. Eddie had turned into a whimpering mess of a man at the mere thought of having you—yet he never tried to make that dream a reality.

“Nice going Alden,” he muttered, glaring at his flushed cheeks. “Fuckin’ up one day at a time huh.”

Jumping at the soft knock on the locked door, he felt his heart flutter at the lilt of your voice. Truly he was losing it—a hopeless case with no chance of being salvaged.

“Can I get in there Eddie?”

His teeth dug into his bottom lip, eyes rolling back at the violent twitch of his still sensitive cock. “Y-Yeah. ‘M done here.”

Wrenching the door open seemed to be a mistake given how close you were. Stumbling forward, your hand found purchase on his wet naked chest to steady yourself—the gasp filling his ears soft and high and everything he imagined. Your eyes dropped to the towel that hung low on his waist, the trail of hair leading beneath it, water dripping along the vein you’d seen before. Somehow up close it felt like more, like an invasion of privacy.

It startled you how much you craved to trace the shape of it with your tongue.

Heat flooded your face, hand falling to your side as he smirked, his arm propped against the door frame beside his head. “Take a picture kitten. You can frame it.”

Your face fell. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Getting to stare at yourself all day.”

“I wouldn’t not like it. Pretty sure I’ve got a camera around here somewhere.”

Shoving him to the side with a groan you set the small toiletries bag on the sink’s edge. “Maybe later. I’ve got to get ready.”

“We’re just going to lunch Kit.”

“Oh I know,” you replied. “But I’ve got a date tonight.”

There were times in his life Eddie wondered what torture felt like. A strange odd thought at the early age of twenty whilst watching a shitty action movie. But there standing two feet from the love of his life, he finally understood.

His heart dropped—stomach churning hard enough for a wave of bile to claw up his throat. He felt surprised he was still up on two feet, his mind reeling with the information you handed over with an air of joy. As if you couldn’t be more excited. Nails dug into his palm as he formed fists tight enough to hurt—the need to slam them into something (or someone) growing by the second.

You were going on a date.

A date.

With a man.

With someone that…wasn’t him.

“Who’s the lucky bastard?” he croaked, anger flaring in his tightening chest.

“Louie,” you said with a bashful smile, eyes bright and beautiful.

Eddie felt the knife slice through his chest, digging beneath the depths of where he could reach. Yet you still smiled without a care in the world. You couldn’t see him bleed before you, could barely notice the wound you inflicted, and he would never blame you for it. Because you were happy. You were overjoyed.

How could he rip that from you?

But even as the question crossed his mind he knew…he’d do it anyway.

The dress cinched your waist tight enough to expel the air from your lungs. Uncomfortable. Irritating. But flawlessly perfect with its velvet fabric that wrapped around you like a second skin—the maroon shade dark enough to match your lipstick. Within two hours you’d be desperate for it off, aching for the large t-shirt swiped from Eddie’s drawer and sweatpants that held enough coffee stains to change their color entirely.

You weren’t used to dressing up, primping and prepping for someone who may never tell you the words that lingered in the back of your mind. The heels dug into the back of your foot, black and awkward and everything you tried to avoid. You rooted around the bottom of your worn makeup bag, the mascara tube scratched and smudged. Even as you swiped it across your lashes you felt the burden of tonight settle heavy and palpable.

A guilt that stemmed from the very person outside this bathroom.

The man who built your idea of romance over the years—the knight in shining armor who might never come to your rescue.

Fidgeting with the hem of your dress, a silhouette cast in shadows appeared in your peripheral. Statuesque and hopeful with his arms crossed and spine stiff. You could feel the discomfort swirl in the air as he peeked his head around the corner for a small glimpse of what you were doing. At this point you couldn’t blame him. An hour and a half was definitely too long to spend in the bathroom.

“I can see you standing there,” you called, fixing the strap on your shoulder with a sigh. “If you needed the bathroom you could have told me.”

Heels clicked on the cement floor and the whisper of you sliding the zipper shut on your bag echoed in the relatively quiet living room. You passed him with a grin, tossing the essentials on the guest bed beside your coat. The color didn’t go with the dress—a disappointment you had no time to rectify—and borrowing one of Eddie's jackets would only send the wrong message.

The thump of his boots trailing behind you filled the space with a solemn farewell he had yet to bid you. He bit his tongue longer than you expected him to. No jesting or teasing. No jokes or shots taken on your behalf. For all intensive purposes Eddie Alden was suddenly at a loss for words—his blank expression and dark eyes throwing you for a loop that felt precarious.

He’d never done this; his mouth always moving faster than his own thoughts. A trait that got him into a fair bit of trouble back home. It’s what you had in common, what you were both known for.

Tonight however your playful Eddie was replaced by a man who watched you in complete and utter silence. A hawk trailing its prey. Which only made the hair stand on the back of your neck.

“For fucks sake,” you muttered, spinning to find him leaning against the door frame. The scrutinizing eyes you were unable to escape trailing down your velvet clad form. “Out with it you bastard.”

“Kit–”

“No. You’ve been tailing me all night since you heard about this date. So let it out, get all the jokes and sly comments out now before I leave. Because after tonight I’m not giving you the chance.”

With a heaving chest and wild eyes, you watched in utter shock as Eddie Alden…cracked a smile.

A fucking grin that stretched from one side of his face to the other. You should have felt peeved by the sheer nerve for him to pick at your temper this way, but the slow steps as he walked closer left your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. Warmth found a home in the base of your already thumping heart—your hands picking at the hem of your dress to distract from his slow gait.

He looked you up and down, sizing up your body with a soft chuckle, before knocking the tips of his boots to the front of your heels.

“You look beautiful tonight kitten.”

Breath felt nonexistent in a space as small as this. You searched for it, clamored for even a morsel of oxygen, but found yourself standing there—mouth parted and eyes wide—with empty hands.

Beautiful.

Eddie called you beautiful.

How could you respond to something so shifting? Life altering, world teetering. You hadn’t felt this hopeless for something to say since he dragged you to prom kicking and screaming with a tux wrapped around his body and a gown around yours. Where you might have laughed—called him out on whatever bullshit he would pull any other night—you instead were left with absolutely nothing in your arsenal of spiteful vernacular.

And he seemed to be thrilled with the speechless flustered woman before him.

“Cat got your tongue sweetheart?”

Sweetheart.

Heat burned right down to your core, the strength in your knees suddenly weak and brittle. As if you didn’t know how to stand on your own.

“W-What?” you managed to choke out, unable to rip your gaze away from his glowing face.

“No response for my compliment?”

“Oh…um…”

He shuffled forward, knocking you back slightly. “I mean I was pretty nice and even if it is the truth don’t I deserve something nice back?”

Sucking in a breath, you felt the edge of the bed hit the back of your thigh. “Nice?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “I am your best friend after all.”

Best friend.

Cold water drenched the top of your head, pouring an icy reality check down your spine with enough sense to wrench you out of whatever twisted fantasy your mind was conjuring. He was fucking with you. Pulling this move on purpose to keep you from making it to your date on time. It should have irked you—should have sent you into a state of fury—yet you couldn’t help but wonder if something else was hidden beneath his saccharine words.

You scoffed, shoving at his chest and drank in the satisfaction when he stumbled back with a gaping mouth. “I’m gonna be late.”

“Wait but–” The echo of his footsteps rushing after yours resonated off the window panes. “I’ve got something to say to you.”

“Can’t it wait until later? I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

An audible snort reignited the flare of irritation in your chest. “Who? The joke of a guy from last night? You barely know him and don’t forget you came to New York to see me not to–”

Whirling around you met him with pent up emotions that began to spill over an already full cup. “Not to what? Not to have a good time on my terms? Not to go out with a man I actually like?”

“You don’t know him!”

“But that’s not your decision!” Biting down on the inside of your cheek, you swallowed the wave of hot tears that rushed to the surface. “You always do this to me Eddie. You drag me along in your adventures and yes I go willingly, but you never—not once—allowed me an adventure of my own. Why? Why can’t I choose for once in my life?”

Somehow the silence hurt more than anything he could have said. Any excuse he might have offered as a shitty apology that would never come. He simply stood there, unable to form a decent string of false promises he’d never live up to. And for the first time you welcomed that unnerving sense of clarity with a bitter wave of your hand.

No matter how much you yearned for it to be true, the reality would always remain the same.

Eddie Alden would never love you.

Not in the way you loved him. He’d never feel each piece of his heart fracture as you slowly and yet all at once slipped from his grasp. That was the truth and you accepted it with a resigned sigh of utter heartbreak.

“Stay,” he finally admitted, eyes shining with tears that would eventually dry up and vanish. “With me.”

“Eddie–”

“Stay here and we’ll talk about this. And I’ll order a pizza with jalapeños and make you shitty coffee and let you hit me and yell at me.” Moving swift enough to throw you off guard, he gathered your hands in his. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make this right.”

You wished it were enough.

You begged it to be enough.

But you’d taken too many hits from a love life that suddenly felt fictional in comparison to what he offered you tonight.

Pulling away with a sigh, you didn’t see his expression of false joy crack right down the center. “I’ve got to go Eddie.”

“But–”

“Don’t wait up, okay?”

The door shut with a thud that bounced off each wall, settling unevenly against his hammering heart. He felt sick to his stomach. The grief of losing you—of quite possibly fucking up the only good thing in his life—rushed to the surface. Clawing up his already burning esophagus with a hostility that consumed him. His mind screamed to run towards the open door of the bathroom; his body wholeheartedly agreed with the sentiment.

But his feet remained glued to the floor. Eyes trained on his now shut door simply waiting for you to come back. To waltz in with a different opinion, to rehash an argument that festered in both your minds for far too long.

He could hear his own heartbeat and the rush of blood in his ears.

He could hear the horns blaring and people shouting as the city took on a new persona as night came calling.

He could hear every breath he took in, every stunted exhale he let out.

But you were nowhere to be found.

The leather jacket was gripped in his hand before he could think it through, keys shoved into his pocket without realizing it. He acted on fear. The terrifying knowledge that this was it. That the moment he’d been waiting for all his life passed by and he fucking blew it. He watched it crash to the floor and made no attempt to save would could have been.

This love was written in the stars long before you met one another. The makeup of your hearts were carved directly into the makeup of the universe, forged by celestial beings and stray comets colliding together. You were more than best friends, more than soul mates. You were split down the center, always meant to find your other half in the touch of one another. If only he could make you see that.

Heavy footfalls echoed off the stairwell as he rushed out onto the busy street and into the icy cold. This wasn’t Eddie Alden the adult fuck up rushing after yet another notch in his belt. This was the boy who held you when you cried. The teenager who walked you home after classes. The high schooler who dragged you to parties you never wanted to go to. The football player who sprinted directly to you when they won each and every time.

The man whose heart was etched in the letters of your name.

Bundling the coat around your neck tight enough to stop the chill from seeping into your skin, you dashed into the open entryway of the restaurant Louie talked about last night. A fancy space filled to the brim with sparkling holiday decor, a tree that towered over you, and waiters dressed fancier than the patrons. You felt out of place the second you crossed the threshold. A fish out of water and dropped into waters that didn’t belong to you.

It shouldn’t have deterred you. A man wishing to take you somewhere magnificent on a first date; something you hoped might happen one day.

“You’re here!”

Louie Parker seemed to blend right into the glamour and opulence in a three piece suit—a golden chain dangling from his waistcoat and wool overcoat folded over one arm. He belonged. A member of a society you may never find yourself in again, but for tonight you met his stunning smile with a sheepish grin and cheeks filled with blossoming warmth.

“Sorry for being late. I couldn’t find the place,” you said, choosing to ignore Eddie’s blatant act of annoyance.

He shrugged, leading you to a coat check stand as if this were second nature—perhaps to him it was. “You’re new to the city. Bound to get lost at times.”

“You’ve got no idea.”

“Our table is safe.” He tossed a grin over his shoulder—effortless enough to throw you off balance. “I ordered a bottle of wine beforehand. Something decadent.”

“Wine’s good.” The words slipped off your tongue awkwardly as you handed off the coat with a soft thank you.

“I promise it is.” How his eyes trailed along the shape of your dress wasn’t lost on you, nor was the shift of his shoulders in his attempt to stand taller. “You’re stunning.”

The word should have made your heart flutter. It should have elicited the exact same response Eddie’s softly spoken beautiful did. Yet all you could offer him was a tight smile layered in a false air of hope diminished and dashed long before you entered this place.

He wasn’t Eddie. He’d never be Eddie. And you loathed that all it took was that simple fact for your heart to grow disinterested before the night truly began.

“I didn’t think I’d get to wear it on this trip,” you admitted, speaking directly to his back as you trailed after him to the table.

He spared you a glance and yet another smile. “I’m glad you did.”

“For your benefit or mine?” The tease felt wrong when directed at him. It felt like a lie.

“Mine I hope.”

Digging your teeth into your bottom lip to swallow the grimace, you shifted in the seat. “Guess you’re lucky.”

“I’m luckier than most.” His words were punctuated with a hand gesturing to the nearest waiter. “I think we’re ready.”

Floundering, you dug through the menu as Louie tossed his already thought out order into the air. There didn’t seem to be any reason for rushing, but there you were. Forced to quickly choose a meal before you even settled fully into your seat. The waiter glanced at you, eyes flashing with a look you’d seen before. A piteous apology he couldn’t say out loud.

You were stuck with a man who couldn’t see how out of place you felt. Someone who didn’t know how to read your pages.

“And for you miss?”

“Um…I’ll take–”

“She’ll have the same. Steak medium rare with an extra glass for champagne at the end.”

With that he signed off on what you were denying the whole way here. You weren’t meant to be sitting here with a man more interested in showing you off than asking what you wanted. But silence was all you could muster, swallowing the bitter wine with a hidden choked sneer of disgust. You longed for jalapeños on pizza and shitty beer and the promise of a good movie on Eddie’s horrible couch.

Oh how you’d rather be holed up in that apartment.

“So do you work?” he asked offhandedly, pouring another glass of wine for you.

“I do,” you replied, nails digging into your palm to stave off snarling at him with a rudeness Eddie would have enjoyed.

“Good. I prefer women who work.”

The meal dragged on the longer he spoke, barely giving you a chance to respond before he started up again. Topics you could barely keep up with, statements that felt one sided and drastically different than what you believed. Until finally you were halfway through chewing with a steak that cost more than your plane ticket and Louie directed his questions to you.

A surprising turn of events given his track record through the whole evening. You were annoyed, the dress dug into your waist, and the heels felt restricting even as you sat still and silent. A doll primed to perfection for a place that would have otherwise tossed you out.

“So you’re in New York with your friend?”

Swallowing the food with a sip of warm water, you nodded. “Yeah my best friend Eddie.”

Louie hummed. “Your best friend is a guy?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Did you two ever date?”

The itch to toss the remainder of your wine in his face grew by the second. “No we haven’t. We’re just friends.”

Another soft hum left his throat—another strike on your tally of shitty responses. “I just wanted to make sure. Don’t want to enter a state of drama in case things went further between us.”

“Further…”

“I have tickets to The Nutcracker in three days.” His hand slid across the table, laying over yours with a warmth that felt wrong. “I was hoping you would go with me.”

“Oh…”

“You could wear this dress again if you want.”

“Louie…”

His grip tightened, smile widening at your hesitancy. “You’ll be the prettiest guest there.”

“I’m not sure…” A flash of a man bursting through the doors caught your eye—a whirlwind of commotion that left you distracted for a moment.

Eddie’s face came into view, slightly red and distraught as the hostess attempted to grab his attention. He stood with his hair ruffled and clothes in disarray, eyes scanning the tables for someone. Until he landed on the one person who watched him with a flicker of need. The world melted away, Louie’s voice now a muffled echo in the background, as Eddie smiled wide enough to outdo all the shining lights in the room.

Any piece of decor paled in comparison when he looked at you as if nothing else of importance mattered. You were here, sitting in a red dress, and Eddie could feel hope surge in his chest.

Louie pulled you back to the present moment before you caught Eddie slipping past the front. Directing his way to the table and dragging a spare chair behind him he set it up at the edge of your table, plopping into the seat with a grin—shedding his jacket with ease. Like he’d been invited all along. You were irritated, angry about the stupid fight from earlier, but a small piece of you that longed to be rescued now rejoiced at his presence.

“Can I help you man?” Louie demanded, fingers tight around your wrist.

“No,” Eddie replied. “Just came to get some extra time with my best friend.”

Louie scoffed. “Alright come on, you can give her one night out without you clinging to her.”

“Am I clinging?” Eddie turned to you with a deep faux frown. “Kitten, you'd tell me if you needed space right?”

“Do us a favor and fuck off,” Louie snapped.

You flinched, pulling away the second his attention was off you. Unfortunately Eddie caught onto it with a grim expression and fists curled against his thighs. Always the protector, the dog with a fucking bone. Some days you relished in his nature to keep you safe, to snarl and bite at anyone who dared to pick on his favorite person. But tonight his otherwise cherished nature suffocated you where you sat.

He drowned you in the waters of his familial love as romance slipped between your fingers like sand.

“I’d watch your fucking tone,” Eddie warned, turning his glare to your date. “There’s a lady present.”

A biting laugh echoed in the still air—Louie finally reaching past the limit of tolerance. “She told me you guys didn’t date, but of course she fucking lied.”

“No I didn’t–” You gaped, sitting upright at his accusatory tone.

“You don’t have to lie for him sweetheart.”

Anger burned hot and painful in your chest, growing the longer you sat there stuffed between two men who couldn’t give a shit if you were hurting. With a sharp intake of breath, you snatched your purse off the floor and headed towards the coat check—leaving them behind to gather some sort of fresh air. Even as Eddie no doubt followed with blatant intent in every step he took.

You couldn’t take this anymore. The push and pull of a best friend who would never let you go. He’d never allow you to find a life that didn’t include him.

He’d never let you move on.

Tears spilled over before you could stop them, your fingers shaking as you tied the coat at your waist. The cold air filled with the stench of gasoline and nicotine became what you latched onto. A way to drag yourself back to the shore; a chance to survive Eddie’s dark waters before you were swallowed whole by them. He called your name while you walked, rushing to catch up with your quick pace—the heels doing nothing but slowing you down.

“Kitten wait!”

The familiar touch of his hand on your arm set off the wave of fury desperate to topple over. You turned with a shout, ripping away from his hold with a curse loud enough to startle him back.

“You are unbelievable!”

“Kit–”

“Do me the favor and shut the fuck up for once! It was a date. A date! That’s it! I get that you can’t handle when the attention isn’t focused on you and when I’m pulled somewhere else, but you had no right to act like an asshole!”

Heaving in a gasping breath, you watched as his pained expression blurred with the wave of fresh tears. “I can’t do this Eddie. I can’t live half a life until you decide to finally give up on our friendship.”

“That’s not why I showed up–”

You laughed, bitter and loud enough to garner looks, but you were past the point of caring. “No? You didn’t show up to embarrass me? You didn’t fuck up the one chance I had at a romantic relationship because you weren’t included in the choice I made?”

“No I didn’t,” he retorted. “And even if I did, why don’t you just admit it? Huh? You weren’t having fun on this fucking date anyways.”

“Why because you said so?” you shouted.

“I know you better than anyone.”

“Oh that’s rich. Just because you’ve known me longer doesn’t make you the final hammer in the nail that is my life. Mine Eddie! My life! Not yours!” Throwing your hands up at the first advancing step in your direction, you turned away from the man who saved you with the intent on ripping you open for an autopsy you never asked for.

A surgery of your still beating heart.

“Let me explain myself, would you?” he called, chasing after you down the sidewalk. “But of course you won’t, because you always run. You’ve run away from me your whole life!”

“Fuck you Alden!”

Down city sidewalks and past groups of people having fun, Eddie followed you every step of the way. Though his words died down, the anger dropping to a slow simmer in your chest, he still remained behind you—his hands tucked into his jacket pockets and eyes trained on the slight wince of your body with each step. The heels were digging sharply into your already raw skin but you refused to give him the satisfaction of helping you.

Not when the apartment was so close. Mentally you formulated a list of things to get done before your flight in a day. Pack your bags, flip Eddie off, cuss him out until the sun came up, and leave him behind as you stewed in your heartache and fury.

He couldn’t fight his way back into your good graces today. Certainly not during this trip.

This didn’t come from nowhere—you were entirely aware of that fact. The anger that spewed out of every word dipped in vitriol and pain stemmed from the deepest parts of your pining heart that screamed for him. A piece of yourself you buried continuously over years of hope. Time that you might never get back. You loved him without end, begged silently on every star that he might one day feel the same way. Only to understand he was stuck in his old ways.

Merely a boy loitering around in the body of a man.

Someone who never found the time to grow up—to become the man you needed.

The stairwell echoed with your footsteps, a melancholy beat to a song that should have ended long ago. Your time was up. The clock had run its course. And all that remained was the final goodbye to a friendship that began to fall apart long before you came to New York.

“Please talk to me.” The soft lilt of his voice nearly made you jump as he shut the door behind him.

“I’m tired Eddie.”

“We’re not done with this.”

Pain felt familiar in this moment, a new push of rage finding its footing in your weary form. “Give it up would you?”

He gripped your arms, turning you with a bruising yank that shoved the breath from your lungs. “I’ll never give up on you Kit. Don’t you get that? Giving up stopped being an option the day I met you.”

“Why?” you yelled, shoving at his chest. “Why can’t you let me go? Why do you have to keep me in this fucked up pattern of friendship? Don’t you get that it hurts Eddie? It hurts to see you chase after women, it hurts to never get a chance to do the same with someone else!”

“Tell me why,” he begged. “Tell me why it hurts. Keep yelling at me. Keep calling me a fucking asshole. Just talk to me. Please.”

“No!” Finally free from his touch, you stumbled back into the counter—your face a mess of tears. “You are an asshole. You’re the reason I can’t move on with my life! You’re stuck in my veins and I can’t get rid of you! The most pathetic childish man who can’t seem to handle his best friend finally getting a life of her own. Well I’m sorry Eddie but things don’t revolve around you.”

What little breath you had dissipated as you heaved between choked sobs. You knew he would leave your life eventually. You knew he’d get bored with the friend he barely saw in person. But this felt like torture—an agony he refused to take accountability for.

“Why?” you sobbed brokenly. “Why do you want to hurt me so much? What did I do to make you so angry that I’m finally moving on?”

“I’m not angry.”

“Then let me go!” You wiped roughly at your cheeks, uncaring that he stepped close enough to touch you. “Why can’t you let me–”

“Because I love you!”

Gaping stupidly at him the words failed to process—silence swallowing you before you could even fight against it. “What?” you whispered.

Chilled hands cupped your cheeks tenderly, his forehead falling to rest on yours—cold nose pressed to your frozen one. “I can’t let you go cause I’m fucking in love with you kitten. I’m yours.”

“Eddie?”

“I’ve been yours since I pushed you in that damn mud.” His sigh was warm, washing across your face and filling you with the wake up call you needed. “Through everything, through all the games you came to and nights on my roof.”

Disbelief colored your world as you gazed up at him, fingers curling around his wrists. “You…love me?”

He nodded, leaning close enough for his lips to brush yours. “Desperately baby.”

“You love me,” you murmured, lashes fluttering as he tilted you closer.

“I do.” Sighing, he pinned you to the counter until you had nowhere to go—no escape from the man who longed to wrap himself around you. “Let me kiss you, yeah? Can I kiss you? I’ve been dreamin’ about it since high school.”

Since high school. Since…

At this point you couldn’t tell if you were standing in the midst of reality or if your mind started to play tricks on you. Even as he said the words they felt misplaced. A way to keep you there instead of explaining himself. But for once you finally divulged in the dream you’d been harboring since childhood. An extraordinary moment of romance—a bliss you might never get again.

Catching him off guard you leaned up and slotted your lips against his with a soft sigh. He met you with a sharp inhale, fingers digging into your jaw as he kissed you back with a fervor that threw you off guard. His lips were chapped with the cold yet warm enough to soothe every ache in your body. Each sliver of pain now a fading memory with the swipe of his tongue along your bottom lip.

You should have pulled away. You should have forced him to talk, to explain everything in great detail. But the feel of his hands sliding down your back knocked every ounce of sense from your mind as need took over the cognitive choice for your actions.

His tongue found yours with a hoarse moan, your fingers twining into his hair still mussed by the weather outside. A sharp tug had him careening forward, his hand slapping against the counter behind you—a wet groan swallowed by the soft whine wrenched from the base of your throat.

You never thought kissing him would feel so exhilarating. You were nothing but a sharp bundle of nerves ready to be set alight with each touch, each lick into your mouth.

“Eddie,” you gasped, his mouth finding purchase at the side of your neck. Teeth scraping the soft skin and hands digging into the plush flesh of your ass.

“Stay with me,” he begged, hips canting against yours as a dizzy side effect of kissing your best friend rose to the surface. “Let me love you.”

“But the argument–”

“Fuck the argument,” he growled, biting down on your bottom lip. “Let me not be an idiot anymore.”

Your lashes fluttered, mouth falling open with the soft touch of his tongue sliding against yours. A heady moan dripped onto his taste buds, needy and wanting as you gripped his hair hard enough to elicit a sharp slice of pain. His cock throbbed in his jeans, mind hazy with the taste of wine off your tongue, but Eddie could feel the hesitancy in your veins. The knowledge that his words left you unsure of his emotions—lost in the sea he dragged you into.

He loved you painfully.

With every fiber of his being that slowly ripped itself to pieces at the thought of you never knowing the truth. You needed to know his heart beat for you. That his entire body screamed in agony at the lack of your touch—the need of more ripping at his chest.

He was yours to do away with.

Yours to toy with.

Yours to love and cherish.

However you wished to have him, he’d do it. Eddie would fall to his knees with the prayer of your name on his lips—begging to drink from your crystalline waters with the parched tongue of a dying man. He was in agony until you looked at him. Offering your own love on a silver platter.

“Can I?” he whispered, holding your chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Can you what?” you asked dazedly, lips swollen and slick with saliva. The sight made him voracious for more. For the sight of you coated in his spit.

He grinned, stealing another kiss with a whimpered sigh. “Can I love you how you deserve baby?”

The nod was subtle, a slight shifting of your head as glazed eyes darkened by lust met his searing gaze. But it was all he needed for his lips to find yours again, hands leading you into a stumbling walk to the guest bedroom lined with your things. He dug for the zipper of your dress, tugging it down quickly as you wrapped your arms around his neck—intent on keeping his mouth on yours.

A soft breathy moan emanated from your parted lips when his bare hands touched the skin of your back, sliding the velvet fabric off your body until it pooled in a heap at your feet. Nerves leapt beneath layers of hot flushed skin, your heart a ramming echo in the silence of a room filled only with his breaths.

But you heard him loud and clear.

The soft uttered fuck of a man who acted like he just witnessed a religious miracle. He was doomed the second your eyes finally opened to find his gaze. Pupils dilated and mouth open as he drank in the sight of you.

“You’re…” Sucking in a breath, he slid a hand over your stomach up to where the lace of your bra connected in the center with a jeweled bow. “Perfect.”

Rucking up his t-shirt, you let him kiss the breath out of your lungs. You fell into his hold with ease, because this was your path. Life led you straight to him, holding your hand through the heartache, promising you love at the end of it all. You just never expected his love would burn this way—a needy ache that built and built until you were ready to detonate. A hand curled around your thigh, hitching it over his thigh as he dropped you to the mattress.

His shirt beside your dress and jeans unbuttoned as they hung off his hips. With a shuddered breath you traced the vein along his stomach, smiling at the way his muscles contracted. A shudder running down his spine. He gasped, tongue sliding between your breasts—teeth nipping at the flesh with a growl.

“Wanna taste you.” Grinding his hips down hard enough for his cock to catch on the wet spot of your black cotton panties, he grinned at the soft cry that echoed by his ear.

Dragging him back up with a fist in his hair, you licked along his back teeth—hooking your other leg over his hip. “You already have baby.”

“Oh fuck,” he gasped.

Baby.

You’d never said that before, your voice pitched high and hazy with a hunger that curled at the base of his spine. Devouring you the way he wanted might be too much for you to handle.

He certainly didn’t want to scare you. Not when he’d been dreaming of this moment since his adolescence. But the thought of pounding you into the mattress, your melodious cries bouncing off the walls and the wet squelch of your pussy drove him to the brink of insanity.

“Say it again.” His teeth latched onto your nipple through the lace, sucking with a groan.

“Baby–” The pad of his fingers slid through the slick mess over the soft fabric, circling your clit hard. “Eddie!”

He smiled. “Want to taste you the right way.”

That unfamiliar high began to pull at your insides, spilling into veins and latching onto the base of your spine. He pulled the soaking scrap of cotton to the side, his thumb finding the source of absolute bliss and toying with it mercilessly. As if he wanted you unable to form coherent sentences. Your legs shook, hips meeting the gentle touch of his fingers.

“Look at her.”

The haze in your mind muffled the sound of his voice—his words taking a second to fully register. Until you realized who he was talking about. Or rather what.

“Gorgeous fuckin’ girl,” he muttered, transfixed by the drooling slick that clung to the lips of your cunt. Smearing it down to your fluttering hole, he felt the familiar wash of starvation creep back in.

He licked his teeth like a wild animal, panting at the sight of you so spread open and vulnerable. Your bottom lip was sucked into your mouth to muffle the wanting cries that slipped free anyways. Fuck what he wouldn’t give to keep you here past the point of no return.

“Want you to—ah—” Teeth found the inside of your thigh as his finger slipped in with ease. “Fuck. Y-Yes.”

“Yeah?” Another pressed in tight, his palm sticky as he plunged them in a quick paced rhythm.

Pitched high and cresting at the top of your lungs, his name rang through the room, the hot slide of his tongue through your folds pulsing heat between spaces in your body you didn’t know could exist. He sucked at your clit with a moan, nose buried in your mound and eyes bleary with an overwhelming need. The taste of you drove him feral, the squelch of his fingers as they found that patch along your walls loud enough to drown out anything else.

Eddie knew he’d never get enough once he got a taste. He just never expected it to feel this consuming.

“I’m fuck–” Gripping his hair, you dragged yourself along his tongue, biting back a cry of his name. He fell into it—drowned in your cunt with a hoarse moan. “G-Gonna. Eddie–”

“Please,” he mumbled, sucking at your clit with a sloppy languid kiss. “C’mon give it to me.”

“Wait,” you rushed out. He stilled at your touch, fingers still buried knuckle deep while you dragged the words to the forefront of your mind. “I need…”

Kissing your thigh softly, he nuzzled the skin with a satisfied sigh. “What do you need baby?”

“You.”

“You’ve got me.”

“Up here.” If your mind was in the right state you might have winced at how pathetic you sounded. But Eddie leapt at the softly whispered request, crawling up your body with the drag of his lips against skin—his tongue following, tasting the salt of your sweat.

Finding your mouth with a hum, he let you explore the tang of yourself off his tongue. That burning flame roaring to life at the sight of his chin coated in you. His hazel eyes were swallowed by the darkened pupil. The only time you’d seen him this way was after football games when the adrenaline was high and you were intent on celebrating in shitty burger shops. Which later turned into hole in the wall bars.

He ate your body and soul with one look. A man who lost all sense the second you kissed him in the kitchen. Even if you were still unsure of the verity of his words.

“I want you to fuck me,” you breathed against his lips, hoping the sultry echo of your voice was strung with each syllable.

Eddie fell over your with a harsh groan, fisting the sheets as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. “You—fuck baby.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Wrong?” he chuckled. The flicker of distress clouded your mind, a different kind of sensation pulsing in at the top of your chest. But Eddie caught it before you could open your mouth, his tongue sliding into your mouth with a zeal that shocked you.

This kiss was different. No reverence bled through the sharp bite of his teeth against your lip. This was Eddie pouring gasoline on your shame and burning it with the flick of a match. He sucked the breath out of your mouth, replacing it with his own until you were sure you’d never breathe right again. Pulling away, you felt him chase after your lips with a hoarse growl—his body settling over yours before you could move.

“You can’t say shit like that to me,” he gasped.

“But I thought–”

A bruising grip around your wrist cut off the meek response—the coarse hair at the base of his stomach filling your mouth with saliva. He guided your hand beneath the elastic of the black boxers, the hot sticky head of his cock brushing your palm. Your eyes went wide, mouth falling open as he moaned loud enough to echo towards the kitchen—his brows furrowed and teeth bared.

“Oh…”

He grinned, letting you touch him gently, the soft pads of your hesitant fingers enough to stimulate him close to the edge. “Gonna make me cum in my pants like a fuckin’ teenager.”

Stroking him slowly, you watched with a prideful sense of exhilaration when he crumbled to pieces before your very eyes.

He hissed through his clenched teeth, fucking your clumsy version of a tight fist. Although that didn’t seem to matter to him. All he gave a shit about was that you were the one touching him. You were getting him off with dewy wide eyes and a mouth he dreamed of having around his throbbing cock.

“Shit,” he grunted, leaking over your skin at the soft gasp you uttered. “W-Wait. Hang on.”

Ripping himself free, he sucked in a breath with eyes squeezed shut and body stiff as a board. Somehow his experience didn’t seem to matter when it came down to you. All the years building his stamina vanished at the first pump of your hand, and Eddie held back his quickly rising orgasm by the skin of his fucking teeth.

Trembling above you, he managed to right himself enough to keep going. That still didn’t stop his cock from twitching at the sight of your parted lips—gaze burning into the side of his face.

“You’re dangerous kitten,” he finally said, pushing his jeans down and tugging at your panties before you could offer a response. “I want that off too.”

You nodded, undoing your bra quickly and failing to notice how his eyes immediately dropped to your breasts finally exposed. Eddie was dumbfounded. Mouth open as spit pooled on his tongue and eyes glazed over with the sight of you naked beneath him. You smiled at the blush that crept over his cheeks, spreading down to the top of his chest—his fingers digging harshly into the thin sheet he’d tear eventually.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, swallowing thickly at how your chest bounced with each shift of your body.

The wet heat of his mouth on your nipple surprised you, his hand twisting and tugging the other. Your back arched, nails clawing at his back but that’s not what dragged out another side of you—unmistakable in the flutter of your heart. A part of yourself that buried itself beneath years of pain. It burst forward, snatching what he gave you with a greed you swallowed happily.

His cock sliding through your slick had your head tipping back, hips shifting to catch any pressure on your pulsing clit. Eddie seemed to understand long before you could wrench the words out of your chest. The pad of his thumb found the bud, his mouth a hot cavern against the skin of your breast—other hand shifting to line himself up where you needed him most.

Reality dawn on you then.

The weight of this moment. A dream you held for near a decade.

Cupping his face, he fixed you with the heady glaze of lust that mirrored your own. That untenable feeling flowing from your chest to his—a permanent mark of forever you finally managed to unearth. He sunk in slowly with shallow thrusts and caught your lips in a kiss you felt down to your toes. Love, heartbreak, longing, it all collided at the back of your mind. Shining with a glow that left you breathless.

Doubt begged to rear its ugly head, but Eddie demolished it with a final short thrust—his hips settling atop yours. Sex wasn’t unknown to you. Merely a quick itch to scratch in your years of loneliness. But you’d never experienced being so full.

“That’s it,” he murmured softly, circling your clit to loosen your tight walls. “Let her open up for me.”

“Move,” you gulped. “Need you to–”

Pulling out he shoved his way back in with a harsh bitten out curse against the skin of your throat. The pleasure blinded you. Each thrust short and wet enough to echo in the room. He gripped your hips as he moved, slowly and then all at once. As if he couldn’t fathom the thought of sliding out of you completely—the heat of your cunt drawing him back in before he knew what was happening.

Eddie lost himself in you. He groaned and sunk his teeth into your shoulder and fucked you the best he could. And you cried against his neck, clinging to his back with each roll of his hips into yours. Something wound tight in your stomach, that oh so familiar sensation of bliss and you chased it. You spread your legs wider, your nails digging into his lower back, as the head of his cock brushed right where you needed.

The high whine he ripped from you had his head flying up from your neck—eyes glimmering with a wild haze that should have scared you.

“There it is,” he grinned—grinding down until you sobbed his name. “She’s singin’ for me, kitten.”

Sobbing a string of incoherent pleas, you felt him do it again. Slamming into it with an accuracy that shook you to your core. Come morning an array of red lines would be marked across his back, but the rasping shout of your name told you he liked it.

He soaked in the sharp pricks of pain as his balls began to draw up, heat building on his spine with insistence. But he was greedy and wanton and the thought of you never finishing first drove him off the edge.

Fucking down into you, he witnessed your face crumple with the intensity of it all. Your mouth permanently formed around the broken cry of his now incoherent name. Skin slapped against skin, the wet echo of your cunt sucking him back in spilled into every crevice of his apartment. And Eddie felt himself nearly fly off that tantalizing edge.

“Need you to cum right now,” he snarled, slapping your clit softly.

The air caught in your lungs, thighs trembling as he did it again, splashing your wet slick along his stomach. Yet no matter how hard you reached for that high you couldn’t grasp it in your hands. You longed to tell him—shout what you needed, but the words were lost to your dizzying state of ecstasy.

His lips sealed over yours, fingers pinching your clit. “I love you kitten. Fuck. I love you.”

Your back arched, walls clamping around his cock tight enough to hurt, as you came with a broken sob he swallowed. It poured through you like lava. Burning you alive with a mind numbing bliss you’d never be able to live without—an addiction settling into your veins. He panted into your mouth, crying out like he’d been scorched with the same fire, and followed you off that cliff.

The hum in your ears set in before you could hear the string of mumbled I love you’s he pressed against your tongue, his cum dribbling out and making a mess you could feel between your thighs.

He collapsed with a grunt, face burrowed into your neck as you tried to catch your breath. The thump of your heart finally in sync with his. Sparks trailed down your body where he touched you, fingers kneading soft skin, lips sliding up your throat with the last licks of his hunger. A man starved for the love of his life. He was helpless in your post coital presence, unable to even think straight while his cock softened inside you.

But he knew this would happen. He knew he’d never be able to let you go after this—forever attached to your heart with an invisible string now wound into a knot.

“Stay here with me,” he whispered against your lips.

Stay.

Even with the thick fog that filled your head you couldn’t deny that was what you truly wanted. This was the forever you always longed for. So why couldn’t you accept it without a hint of doubt? Why couldn’t your own mind settle on the words he spoke like a prayer. Something you always dreamed he’d whisper to you in the middle of the night.

You blinked up at him, brows furrowed until he kissed them with a grin. “Okay,” you said, hoping it would click the final piece into place.

The tears are what woke you up. A flood you couldn’t control, wave after wave that poured down your cheeks and stained the pillow beneath you. Though the dream remained a translucent memory right on the fringes of your mind, you knew what it was. A rendition your mind never seemed to let go of.

Eddie saying goodbye on his way to New York. Eddie making the choice of a different life.

Eddie leaving you behind.

His snores filled the room with a gentle echo you sunk into, his arm wrapped around your waist and face buried in the back of your neck. A morning you never thought you’d get. A dream finally come true.

You wanted to smile, to wake him up with another round, but the pain in your heart grew the longer you lay there in silence. The problem wasn’t last night or even what he said. The problem was what came next. You couldn’t just leave your hometown and Eddie would never make the choice to let go of New York. A city that burrowed itself deep in his heart, carving into the space that belonged to you.

This would always be his path.

A man with a future far too big to give it all up for a girl from his past.

You didn’t belong in New York. You knew that now.

Swallowing the harsh sob, you managed to wrangle yourself out of his grip, gathering a fresh pair of clothes to change into. But the sight of him splayed on the bed, sheets around his waist and arm tossed over his head left you breathless. A picturesque painting come to life. He was your muse, your whole heart on display for the world to see. The person embedded in your very DNA.

You would love him until the day you died.

And even after that.

The small suitcase remained packed near the dresser, your dress from last night a forgotten memory that lay strewn on the floor. You left it behind as you shoved on the only jacket you owned, your purse and wallet gathered next. The pulse of your racing heart nearly forced you to sit down somewhere and gather your thoughts. Yet if you did that…you’d never buck up the courage to finally let him go.

This wasn’t fair to him. You knew that.

You knew Eddie would fight you on going, his words lingering like a bruise on your heart. The softly whispered I love you still scratched into your skin. He loved you. He loved you.

He…loved you.

So why couldn’t you accept that? Why were you taking one final glance as the door shut behind you with its familiar thud. Loud enough to echo off the empty stairwell? Though you’d never say aloud, you knew the truth.

Fear.

The type of fear that clung to every breath, choking you from the inside out. You didn’t know how to love someone who finally loved you back. After so long pining, you suddenly felt like you were sailing out into the treacherous open waters of a heart you didn’t actually know. He loved you and yet there you were acting like a coward and running from the promise of more. The hope of a life fully lived.

Eddie jolted awake with the thud of the door, his body catching up with sluggish thoughts that filtered through his mind. Half awake and bleary, he reached for the other side of the bed expecting to find your curled up body on the edge of the mattress. Always pulling away in the middle of the night, always running. He grinned, blinking away the last dregs of sleep, and found an empty room.

“Baby?” he asked, leaning on his hands.

His gaze darted to spaces in the room that once held your things. The suitcase by the dresser, the purse on the desk. The jacket draped over a singular chair. Only to find nothing but the dust outline that remained. Eddie’s heart stuttered, stomach rolling painfully, as he clambered out of the bed and pulled up his jeans still in a heap on the floor.

Beside your dress.

“Baby!” The kitchen was empty, void of any life and Eddie frantically searched the fridge for a note, for that key he gave you.

It was discarded by the coffee machine, sitting in the lonesome shine of the afternoon sun.

“Shit,” he whispered, the burn of tears cresting.

Rushing to grab his things, he didn’t bother to check if the door was locked before sprinting down the stairs. Nearly tripping on his way down. You couldn’t have left him behind after last night. You weren’t capable of that kind of pain—that amount of soul crushing agony. Yet you endured it all through his time in New York. You listened to him ramble about his life here, about the women he never outrightly told you about—the memories that didn’t include you.

He left you behind without a second thought.

How could he think you wouldn’t do the same?

“Taxi!” he shouted, grabbing the nearest one to him with a panicked rushed out order to take him to the nearest airport.

The only place you could have gone.

“Where to miss?”

Sighing, you offered a tight lipped smile and set the worn suitcase by your feet. The chatter of the airport blended together, forming a mad rush of emotions you’d never witnessed before today. People coming home from a flight. Families going out for the holidays. Lives that rushed past you even as you stood still at the counter, explaining the details of how you’d like to move up your flight date.

A chance to get home before any bad weather sets in. Half a life.

“Perfect,” the attendant replied with a grin. “There’s one in twenty minutes. You can head straight to security.”

“Thank you. And happy holidays.”

You were given a curt nod in response, their arm extended to your gate number. The final goodbye to a life half lived.

“Can you hurry up please?” he begged, glancing at the line of traffic that eventually led to the front.

“I’m goin’ as fast as I can buddy.”

Eddie sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Alright yeah. Here’s fine.” He tossed the cash on the passenger seat, swinging the door open before the car stopped. “Thanks! And happy holidays!”

His boots pounded on the pavement lined with melting snow, people moving out of his way as he ran fast enough to nearly bowl them over. Apologies flew out of his mouth left and right, the edge of his jacket catching on stray luggage and shoulders slamming into groups of people. He couldn’t give them a second thought as he sprinted faster. His mind entirely and solely focused on the other half of his heart.

The piece that refused to beat without you there.

Even though he wracked his brain on the drive here he still couldn’t understand why you left. What made you decide to turn tail and run? Until it suddenly hit him hard enough to bruise the inside of his chest.

You never said you loved him.

He repeated the words over and over until his tongue went numb and lips went raw from kissing you. But never—not once—did you say it back. Did you love him? Did you want him? Or were you simply rushed into something without knowing what it was. That alone made him sick with fear. The thought that you didn’t want what happened last night and simply gave into him based on his need alone.

“C’mon kitten where are you,” he muttered, glancing at the lines of people that stretched on for miles.

“It’s just clothes,” you said, heaving it up onto the table. “Nothing unusual.”

“Good,” the man curtly responded, unzipping the suitcase with a sharp tug. Eventually you would have to find a new piece of luggage, but leaving again might not happen for quite some time. At least until you gathered the courage to finally flee your hometown. “Seems like it all checks out.”

You grinned, unable to make it reach your eyes. “Thanks.”

“You can go on to your gate.”

“Excuse me, where can I find this flight?” Eddie frantically asked the attendant at the front desk, his eyes still scanning the never ending crowd.

“Straight to the back. But you’ll need a ticket–”

He was gone before they could finish their sentence, his heart jumping with each step he took. The blaring echo of people everywhere he looked set his teeth on edge, his eyes burning with unshed tears as he searched for you everywhere he was able to see.

Rushing past groups of families and friends bidding their farewells, he finally spotted a familiar worn out brown suitcase gripped tight at the side of the final step in his path.

“KIT!” he shouted, watching with bated breath as you stilled, body going stiff at the sound of his voice.

With a gasping breath, you turned on your heel, catching sight of a ruined and broken version of the man you belonged to. The man who held your heart in his hands. Who could shatter you upon contact if you weren’t careful. He’d be the one to destroy you, but oh how you longed to be ripped apart by him. Oh how you ached to be that broken toy he did his best to fix—the stained glass window he might piece back together.

“Eddie, what are you doing here?”

“Stopping you,” he harshly breathed, striding towards you. “You’re gonna stand there and you’re going to fucking listen this time.”

“I’ve got a flight–”

“Do me a favor a shut the fuck up,” he cut you off, lips curling into a smile that sucked every ounce of willpower out of your limbs.

Your mouth clamped shut, eyes going wide as he finally reached you. His hand wrenching the suitcase out of your grip without even asking. But Eddie was done asking. He was done with appeasing others.

The boy torn to shreds by the hands of a father who never loved him. Only to be put back together by the girl who did.

“I asked you to stay.”

The dip of your head and frown painted across lips he could still taste shattered his strength. “I know Eddie. I just…”

“You just didn’t think I would say I love you?”

Your eyes met his, a fire flickering back to life. “You don’t love me Eddie.”

“Bullshit.”

“Eddie!” you squawked.

“You heard me, kitten. I love you. Of course I love you. How could I not? And you love me too. I know you do.”

“Don’t flatter yourself Alden,” you snapped, fighting against the tears.

“What about homecoming?”

“Homecoming?” you exclaimed. “What about homecoming?”

“You kissed me! And you expect me to forget about that? About the day you killed me?” Before you could argue, he glared at you—his lips still pulled into that fucking grin you adored.

“I have loved you since I was twelve years old and pushed you in the mud baby. I’ve loved you through every rooftop conversation, after every argument with my goddamn father. After every football game and college party. I have loved you through every fucking second in this city, because I don’t know who I am without you kitten. I never have.”

“Oh…Eddie.”

The suitcase dropped to the floor with a thud as he rushed towards you, hands cupping your cheeks stained in fresh tears. “I’ll love you till it’s me in the ground right next to you. Cause that’s where I belong, Kit. At your side. I am hopelessly, undoubtedly fucking in love with you. Forever.”

“I love you,” you admitted, finally letting go of the one secret that kept you going every fucking day of your life. “I always have.”

Smiling, he swooped down and pressed his lips against yours hard enough to hurt. But you welcomed the pain with a choked gasp of his name, burying your fingers in his hair to keep him close. An arm wrapped around your waist, yanking you forward with a breathy chuckle. A sound you burned into your mind as you kissed him back with everything held in your heart.

“Stay with me,” he begged, gripping the back of your neck tenderly. “Live in New York with me. Fuck marry me one day. But stay.”

Sucking in a breath, you searched for that sliver of doubt that always reared its ugly head and found nothing but warmth. The piece finally set in place. Where it belonged.

“Yes,” you whispered. “I’ll stay.”

Maybe you didn’t belong in New York, maybe you weren’t meant for the big city life. But you belonged to Eddie. You were always supposed to be with him, stuck to his side like glue—wrapped tight and safe in the arms of your protector.

He laughed, wrapping you in a hug tight enough to crush your lungs. “Let’s go cancel your fucking flight.”

Grabbing your hand, he dragged you past the people saying goodbye, past the families saying hello. Onto a path you knew well, a future overflowing with the warmth of his love. Eddie Alden loved you. He’d loved you all along. And it was everything you could have wanted. He offered you a life fully lived—a home inscribed in your story—and you took it without a second thought.

His fingers looped with yours, keeping you close, and you smiled at the sight. Leaning into his touch with a contented sigh.

“Hey Eddie?” He glanced to the side with a hum. “Will you make me that coffee now?”

A smile crossed his lips, arm wrapping around your shoulders as his lips found yours. As if he’d been doing it all along.

“You got it, kitten.”

FIN.

note: i still kinda can't believe that it's all over. but to those who let me know how excited they were for this story i want to thank you! i wouldn't have found the drive to finish it without you guys.🖤

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