Woodbro Chillson

BY GREG R

[woodbro-chillson]

This Blog Is Now Closed

I've been saying I was gonna do it for several weeks now, but now that time has some. I guess I have to stop posting on this blog now. Gosh, we've had some good time, this blog and I. I remember when I had my first 100+ note post, the profits of which were used to put the down payment on a house. Blogs were different then. Now I can't sit on the porch and throw the ball the old blog dog and drink blogenade under a shady blog. Everything's about the size of your crew and how many notes you have. All I wanted to do is post some jokes.

http://yeastfactory.tumblr.com is a blog written by myself (GregR) and my New York friend Gilbert (Fermentation). When I'm not working on graphic design stuff or writing Onion headlines, I'm writing stupid comedy piece about hand jobs or fruit venders getting haunted by evil grapes. It reminds me of the ways we was.

I wish you all well on your future endeavors and i'll still be around liking posts and maybe even leaving comment replies and asks.

Follow the YeastFactory to be just like old times.

[yeastfactory]

College Boy

Hey Collegeboy. I bet you think you’re real smart with your diploma and your hat with the square on top. Now that you’re out of school, you think your better than us working class folk like you’re some bigshot, hotshot, cumshot.

Well, let me ask you something college boy:

Did that fancy school of yours ever teach you how to hit someone in the back of the head with a wooden mallet?

Have your professors ever lectured you on what to do when a police officer catches you and your cousin Marty shooting dope in the woods at night? When you already have two strikes and the only thing that’ll keep you out of the joint is striking the base of his skull with your wooden mallet?

Did your precious RA ever give you a mandatory orientation on how a man can be driven to heroin addiction to hide from the pain of losing a wife? A wife who he couldn’t save from ovarian cancer because he was too much of a coward to use his wooden mallet to smash the tumor in her vagina?

When you received your Macroeconomics syllabus, did it have a section telling you what to do when you have nothing left except the wooden mallet a kindly carpenter gave you when you were a little boy whose parents abandoned him? And then, you carry that mallet everywhere because, by God, that’s all you have?

They teach you that, college boy?

[danaykroyd-deactivated20120909]

[genericlatino-blog]

From Cesar Millan’s Facebook,

In San Diego and Mexico today retracing my first steps in this country… When I first got to the U.S, this is where I slept~

No comment to add.

[woodbro-chillson]

Arrested Development fanboys/fangirls are annoying as shit holy moly

[woodbro-chillson]

playgirlmansion replied to your link: Just a reminder I will be moving permenantly to the blog YeastFactory.tumblr.com very soon. Yeast We Can! 10/10

just do it already sheesh. good riddance

I will mom, I swear to god im leaving

[woodbro-chillson]

[woodbro-chillson]

Movie Ideas #8

Childhood Cherry: On the verge of death, a man remembers his life and how it was influenced heavily by this one cancer-inducing cherry that he ate off the ground without even washing it.

Suitcase Full Of Lies: A no-nonsense businessman carries a briefcase for work, yes, but carries a second secret briefcase full of index cards with straight-up wrong facts.

The Green Freak: A nerd gets a handjob from a prostitute that’s wearing Hulk Hands.

[fuckyeahqualityanimation-blog]

classic knife fight from robotech

[woodbro-chillson]

Not applying for jobs because they require you to write a cover letter

[literallyunbelievable]

[feverishpoptart]

THEY HOLOGRAMMED THE HEAD.

[woodbro-chillson]

Straight from Jack Welch's gut.

[yeastfactory]

Growing up, I thought my dad was invincible, but, after he had that stroke, he just looked so weak and frail. It’s scary to think that if one little stroke can do that to him, just imagine what I can do with a hammer.

Excerpt from Jack Welch’s autobiography (via yeastfactory)

[woodbro-chillson]

[yeastfactory]

You Solar Energy Guys Are Going To Look Awfully Foolish When The Sun Blows Up

Boy oh boy you solar energy guys are gonna look like the biggest dummies on the alternative energy block when your precious sun inevitably blows up leaving you solar ranchers back in the stone age. You know why birds are so popular? It’s not because they’ve invested in solar energy companies. Nope—wind power, baby. Go ahead, strap as many solar cells as you can to an eagle’s wings, it won’t fly.

Everyone’s just gonna go ahead and mark days off the calendar until your supreme alternative-fuel-source-diety the sun blows up. Wind can’t blow up. Oh, but it can blow alright. Have you ever tried blowing a bird up? Can’t do it. Wind just blows and blows, providing us with clean energy but you turned your back on its majestic, untrappable beauty.

Scientists don’t even know what controls the wind but it sure as shit isn’t running out any time soon. Hell, how does a condor fly? It’s so big, right? That’s the power of wind, my friend. That’s the power of wind.

[woodbro-chillson]

Right on!

[mikeuehlein]

Onion Joe Biden, Part Deux