Hyperion cares about your safety.

[[Indie roleplay blog for Mr.Blake from Borderlands.Semi-Selective.]]

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

"How does ‘stop terrorizing Pandora’ sound? Too big of a start?"

[wool-in-the-desert]

“If only we could,” he chuckled. “We can tune it down a little but Pandora is where most of our income is made so we should intimidate them a little at least. Maybe not downright killing everyone for no reason though..”

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

[wool-in-the-desert]

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

"You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?"

"I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?"

"I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel."

"Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes."

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

"If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you."

"Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"I don’t know you, but thanks."

"You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?"

"We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again."

"Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?"

"It’s none of your business. We just met."

"Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

"I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich."

"Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry."

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

"Did you get that email I sent you last night?"

"No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

"I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!"

"I know what you’ve got in that top drawer."

"I can’t believe you’re drunk at work."

"You know, most people watch porn at home."

"Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband."

"Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!"

"If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too."

"You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?"

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

"Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

"We lost the playoffs."

"The girls team beat the boys!"

"I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office."

"Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours."

"I heard they were fucking in the bathroom."

"She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!"

"She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth."

"I can’t believe we’re graduating this year."

"Being a freshman sucks."

"I slept with a sophomore last weekend."

"She/he told me they were a junior!"

"Why are those freshmen staring at you?"

"Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?"

"How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?"

"Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

"I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend."

"I definitely failed that test."

"I got an A on my essay!"

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

"Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out."

"I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number."

"Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

"I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give."

"What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains."

"Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you."

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

"At this point you might as well ask for my autograph."

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

"You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"I don’t need to listen to this."

"You’re lying."

"I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you."

"I can’t look at you."

"Don’t fucking touch me."

"If you say one more word, I swear…"

"Pipe down, you’re making a scene."

"What’s wrong with you?"

"Now I know why people think you’re neurotic."

"You must be crazy."

"I’m not backing down.”

"You can’t hide the truth forever, you know."

"What’s your issue?”

"You make me so angry.”

"This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

"And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along."

"I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?"

"I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

"You’re the one that I want."

"I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

"Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else."

"I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind."

"I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life."

"I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now."

"Please, don’t leave me."

"I need you more than you will ever know."

"I love you more than I could ever express in words."

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

"I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!"

"I brought vodka and ice cream."

"You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads."

"I can’t believe you went without me!"

"I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!"

"I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you."

"Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up."

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

Wow, this guy didn’t have a stick up his ass, he has an entire tree. “Right, right… Any ideas we can work off of?”

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I'm going to be honest, I thought you would of had something. I suppose we could work on changing up the company guidelines."

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

"Uh… new CEO of Hyperion… basically I have to be the better version of Jack…?"

[wool-in-the-desert]

"That's the short version, yes. I meant with a bit more detail. I'll let it slide." he rummaged through the papers he had on the clipboard he was holding. "Maybe we should just start with making it so people aren't so afraid of you."

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

"Hmmm… perhaps we can start with…uh…"

Great, she’s already was drawing blanks. First day f the job, too.

[wool-in-the-desert]

"Okay.." he sighed. "First things first. Go over what you know about your job."

[wool-in-the-desert]

ASDF Movie Sentence Meme

"Look out he's got a gun!"

"You gotta help me man!"

"My tie is evil and it's gonna kill me!"

"Please don't hurt me"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ahhhh, why would you do this?"

"Tell my children I love them"

"I baked you a pie"

"I like trains"

"Hey, it's says gullible on the ceiling"

"Haha! They said I could never teach a llama to drive!"

"How did I get here?"

"Hahaha, I can't read"

"I'm allergic to adorableness!"

"Hey man look at my new dog"

"Screw gravity"

"There's something on your face!" *punches* "It was pain!"

"I am punching your salad"

"Buy me more jewellery!"

"This is a robbery"

"I want to be a pie!"

"Well, I stole your face"

"It worked! My time machine worked!"

"Banana fight!"

"Alien attack!"

"Throw the CHEESE!"

"It's so beautiful out here"

"Yeah, it's me, you, and the moon"

"Hey, do you want to play some video games?"

"I work at the muffin factory"

"We are so in sync"

"I'm going to punch you in the face"

"I'm going to punch your face, in the face"

"Hello and welcome to standing up school"

"Oh, a puppy!"

"I have no idea how to breathe"

"Here comes the aeroplane"

"You're a nerd!"

"But I want to die!"

"Hey, _______, do you want to go to the prom with me?"

"I am a very tall midget"

"I love you, baby"

"Stay away from my baby"

"But mother, I love him"

"I'm afraid of back stories"

"When did this all start?"

"This is the worst date ever!"

"My boyfriend said I'm the most beautiful girl in the world"

"Oh no! Giant flying sheep!"

"You're leaving me?"

"You're adopted"

"Would you like to see a magic trick?"

[wool-in-the-desert]

//i just

need to roleplay with all the claptrap blogs.

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

She let go and smiled. “I think the main thing we need to focus on is undoing what Jack did. Or undo what we can…”

[wool-in-the-desert]

"That's...a lot of things. Maybe we should start with something small. If..there is anything that could be considered...small."

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

[wool-in-the-desert]

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

"You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?"

"I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?"

"I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel."

"Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes."

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

"If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you."

"Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"I don’t know you, but thanks."

"You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?"

"We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again."

"Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?"

"It’s none of your business. We just met."

"Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

"I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich."

"Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry."

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

"Did you get that email I sent you last night?"

"No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

"I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!"

"I know what you’ve got in that top drawer."

"I can’t believe you’re drunk at work."

"You know, most people watch porn at home."

"Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband."

"Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!"

"If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too."

"You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?"

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

"Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

"We lost the playoffs."

"The girls team beat the boys!"

"I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office."

"Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours."

"I heard they were fucking in the bathroom."

"She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!"

"She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth."

"I can’t believe we’re graduating this year."

"Being a freshman sucks."

"I slept with a sophomore last weekend."

"She/he told me they were a junior!"

"Why are those freshmen staring at you?"

"Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?"

"How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?"

"Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

"I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend."

"I definitely failed that test."

"I got an A on my essay!"

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

"Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out."

"I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number."

"Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

"I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give."

"What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains."

"Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you."

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

"At this point you might as well ask for my autograph."

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

"You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"I don’t need to listen to this."

"You’re lying."

"I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you."

"I can’t look at you."

"Don’t fucking touch me."

"If you say one more word, I swear…"

"Pipe down, you’re making a scene."

"What’s wrong with you?"

"Now I know why people think you’re neurotic."

"You must be crazy."

"I’m not backing down.”

"You can’t hide the truth forever, you know."

"What’s your issue?”

"You make me so angry.”

"This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

"And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along."

"I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?"

"I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

"You’re the one that I want."

"I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

"Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else."

"I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind."

"I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life."

"I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now."

"Please, don’t leave me."

"I need you more than you will ever know."

"I love you more than I could ever express in words."

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

"I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!"

"I brought vodka and ice cream."

"You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads."

"I can’t believe you went without me!"

"I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!"

"I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you."

"Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up."

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[wool-in-the-desert]

//Angel just fucking shake my giant yaoi hands just fucking do it

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

"I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it, but the more help I have, the faster things can get done." She smiled and extended a hand. "Pleasure to be working with you, Mr. Blake." 

[wool-in-the-desert]

"Pleasure to be working with you too," he shook her hand. "What were you thinking about working on first?"

[june-the-raider]

"Hmm… I like that idea, but maybe add a free lunch and coffee to that?"

[wool-in-the-desert]

"Are you wanting me to give you the money or have me go with you."

[wool-in-the-desert]

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"Ah, right you don’t know me of course. I apologize. Jefferey Blake. I worked..under your father."

The last few words had trouble coming out of his mouth. Each word was full of regret. He was fine with being a businessman but working under a fascist tyrant? That was completely different. Well, not entirely different but that wasn’t the point.

[ctrlcoreangel]

"Oh, so you’re Blake. Jack may have mentioned you once or twice." 

[wool-in-the-desert]

"Probably got my name wrong as well," he muttered. "Well, I suppose I'll be working with you now. It may be..overwhelming for you to take on such a huge position so suddenly."

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

[wool-in-the-desert]

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

"You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?"

"I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?"

"I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel."

"Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes."

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

"If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you."

"Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"I don’t know you, but thanks."

"You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?"

"We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again."

"Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?"

"It’s none of your business. We just met."

"Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

"I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich."

"Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry."

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

"Did you get that email I sent you last night?"

"No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

"I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!"

"I know what you’ve got in that top drawer."

"I can’t believe you’re drunk at work."

"You know, most people watch porn at home."

"Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband."

"Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!"

"If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too."

"You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?"

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

"Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

"We lost the playoffs."

"The girls team beat the boys!"

"I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office."

"Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours."

"I heard they were fucking in the bathroom."

"She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!"

"She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth."

"I can’t believe we’re graduating this year."

"Being a freshman sucks."

"I slept with a sophomore last weekend."

"She/he told me they were a junior!"

"Why are those freshmen staring at you?"

"Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?"

"How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?"

"Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

"I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend."

"I definitely failed that test."

"I got an A on my essay!"

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

"Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out."

"I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number."

"Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

"I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give."

"What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains."

"Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you."

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

"At this point you might as well ask for my autograph."

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

"You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"I don’t need to listen to this."

"You’re lying."

"I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you."

"I can’t look at you."

"Don’t fucking touch me."

"If you say one more word, I swear…"

"Pipe down, you’re making a scene."

"What’s wrong with you?"

"Now I know why people think you’re neurotic."

"You must be crazy."

"I’m not backing down.”

"You can’t hide the truth forever, you know."

"What’s your issue?”

"You make me so angry.”

"This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

"And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along."

"I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?"

"I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

"You’re the one that I want."

"I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

"Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else."

"I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind."

"I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life."

"I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now."

"Please, don’t leave me."

"I need you more than you will ever know."

"I love you more than I could ever express in words."

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

"I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!"

"I brought vodka and ice cream."

"You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads."

"I can’t believe you went without me!"

"I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!"

"I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you."

"Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up."

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[june-the-raider]

"Let me think… What could I get outa ya?"

[wool-in-the-desert]

"Some time off work?"

[asirenofadifferentelement-blog]

"I normally don’t to be honest, but there’s been a couple nights where I’ve been working almost all night and wanted a little night cap." She blushed, cheeks pink, "I also want to make it known that I don’t drink during the day at work."

[wool-in-the-desert]

"As long as it doesn't affect your work," he gave a little shrug and took a drink from his coffee cup. "People have done...worse."

[june-the-raider]

"Yeeaaahhh no that’s not happening. I should be going to inform our boss that someone was just killed by a TV."

[wool-in-the-desert]

He sighed, "What did you want me to do for you.."