Love, Asteria

poetry tangled in petals and time ink in paper letters i never sent words i never said

[wordsandwisteria]

Funny, it's exactly the thing I am most afraid of.

[wordsandwisteria]

i guess it's finally time to let you go

[wordsandwisteria]

either i leave before i get hurt, or stay and not be bothered

[wordsandwisteria]

still stuck in spring

[wordsandwisteria]

Gran

I didn’t know it then, that hearts could break without a sound, from losing someone who felt like home. I’d only ever watched from afar, grief wrapped in black, eyes rimmed red, a mother, a brother, a child. But never mine. Not until time turned, and it was my turn. When it came, it wasn’t loud. It was quiet, a hollow kind of ache that settled in my chest and wouldn’t leave. The day Grandma died, I didn’t cry. I just sat there, feeling everything and nothing all at once. And when the tears came, they came like rain, Sudden and endless. I cried so hard, not in front of anyone, But only in the dark. A quiet kind of breaking, too afraid someone might hear. I cried in silence, like my heart was breaking through a whisper, As the world kept going as if nothing had changed. It was lonely. Grief stretched out like a shadow that didn’t know how to end. And it hit, I’d never hear her voice again. Never brush back her silver hair, never feel the safe, warm hug that felt like home. Never, not ever again. She was supposed to be forever. But forever is just a word we believe in until it breaks.

[wordsandwisteria]

I hope there's one special day in our lives that we get to see and hug all our departed loved ones.

[wordsandwisteria]

hate me all you want, hate me if you dare. wouldn’t it be fun trying to outrun the girl you’ll never understand?

[wordsandwisteria]

i love my friends, i'd do anything for them, no questions asked. but there will always be times when i want to be alone, that i'd prefer my own company. is that so bad?

[wordsandwisteria]

[wordsandwisteria]

just because i'm willing to wait

doesn't mean i will always be waiting.

[wordsandwisteria]

I thought I would stay.

I thought I would grow in this profession,

grow gentle with the passing years.

Because I truly tried,

believing my efforts and desire

would be enough to remain.

I thought I would stay in this quiet town.

Yet here I am, restless,

counting the seconds,

aching to pack my things and leave.

I keep looking for reasons to stay,

but all I ever find are more reasons to go away.

[wordsandwisteria]

my world used to revolve around you my proses and poems used to be about you the pages of my journal still have your memories but now, you've become someone i don't think of anymore someone i can barely recall at all

[wordsandwisteria]

i grew up not having friends

not having someone whom i can proudly call

my person.

so in the end,

when people befriend me,

i don't know how to be one.

[wordsandwisteria]

who would i be if not for the unspoken and unread lines i try desperately to hide.

[remanence-of-love]

[wordsandwisteria]

i did all i could to guard my heart, built walls so high, played every part. tried my best to keep love out, to silence hope, to hush the doubt. but like a thief beneath the moon’s pale light, you slipped in softly, without a fight. you took what i had sworn to hide, a quiet heist I couldn’t defy. and just when I thought you'd hold it dear, you cast it off, then disappeared. no word, no trace, not even a sound, just shattered pieces on the ground. like that thief who moves beneath the stars, you broke in, tore through all my scars. you razed the home i built with care, then vanished into midnight air. now here i stand, a foolish flame, burned to ash, and left unnamed. nothing left but a hollow ache, a dreary plight i can’t unmake.

[wordsandwisteria]

words have weight once spoken, they can never be reclaimed but once written, they fade, forgotten by time, though the ink remembers

[wordsandwisteria]

I’m tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep can fix but the kind that sits heavy in your chest. The kind that makes your bones ache even when you haven’t moved all day. It’s like I’m standing in the middle of a battlefield, patching up wounds with shaky hands and borrowed thread, pretending I’m fine, pretending I can still fight. But the truth is, I’m not healing. I’m just surviving.

I keep putting bandages on everything, on my fears, on my disappointments, on all the hurt I don’t talk about. But underneath, I’m still bleeding. Quietly. Constantly.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m scared to look at the wound too closely, because what if it’s worse than I thought? What if I’ve been hurting for so long I don’t remember what it’s like not to?