Chapter 61 of Wayward Son
Baz stares silently out the window, his thumbs twiddling in his lap. His hair is clean and slicked back for the first time is months, but his lips are still chapped and his eyes are just as mournful. He hasn’t said a word since we left the funeral.
“How did you do it?” I ask.
“What?” His brow furrows as he turns his head.
“How did you stand up there in front of all those people and say goodbye to your husband so easily?”
When Baz got mad his grey eyes used to light up in fury. They are cold and dull now, but just as accusing.
“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think this is easy for me, Bunce.”
“I know this isn’t easy,” I say, a bit softer. “You’ve barely bathed for 4 months, you don’t leave the house, you don’t eat or drink…”
His shoulders droop a little and he begins to pick at the scars on his knuckles.
“This isn’t easy, Basilton. However, back there, that thing you did was incredible. You walked up on that podium and gave the most beautiful speech… Crowley, there wasn’t a dry eye in the church.”
After a few minutes of silence, I hear him take a deep breath.
“I had to hold it together today. I just had to because everyone else was on the verge on breaking. I’ve been breaking these last few months. I know I’ll never fall in love again. I used to think it was annoying. The never-ending adventures of Simon fucking Snow. He’s like a planet, Penny. He draws people in and before they know it they’re orbiting him like moons, stuck on his little quest for greatness. And… I guess this is like when the planet eventually explodes. It either takes out all the moons with it, or the moons survive. And they don’t know what to do anymore because the centre of their existence is just… gone.”
It’s a little hard to focus on the road when Baz is monologuing in the passenger seat, but I’m intrigued.
“And I had to hold it together because a lot of those people are just like me. Maybe they weren’t as close to Simon as I was, but he was the centre of their world for a long time; being the Chosen One and all. If I fell apart on that podium, it would just upset more people. I don’t want them to think of Snow and cry. I want people to remember him and smile. He was a ray of sunshine, my rosebud boy.”
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