I remember reading stories online and in the library excitedly and hoping one day I can make something for the people. Every time I happen to check on in this account, wattpad, AOO, or quotev, I see the sweetest comments. How the tables have turned !!
I'm so glad I can inspire so many of you into writing again. I'm so glad I can offer entertainment and something to look forward to as we all wait for the next season. Please continue to be patient with me as I continue to gift to you my mind, heart and soul in words.
Big things are coming your way blue eye samurai folks! thank you for my ember will be an anthology of art, stories and poetry to celebrate Mizu and Akemi as well as sapphic mizu & its interpretations. contributor applications open September 2 🌸🌊
Cold night air greeted you, slipping its fingers through the cloth of your attire to leave hidden kisses on your skin. You had no real plan for how this would go, you had no idea on what you would say, you had just decided enough was enough and it was time to face your confusions head on.
From a distance, you could hear the water movement of the hot spring ahead. You knew she would be occupying its waters at this time of night. Just like when you caught her the first time. Her..The thought of her made you hold onto your robe a bit tighter. The signs were all there now that your mind was cleared by focused determination and you could think about it, but you weren't thinking about it. You stopped thinking about what she could have been hiding from you as you grew closer. Now that her secret was revealed to you, it has removed the rug, revealing more about you than you were ready for but that didn't matter. It was time to address these thoughts.
Your feet stopped at the edge of the spring, where the earth and water met. You stared down at it, your reflection stared back at you. Crossing this line would mean entering the waters with Mizu. It would mean facing Mizu’s truth and facing yours. That despite discovering Mizu was a woman, the feelings that nested within your heart never died. They still settle, baby birds in the spring waiting to be fed.
You looked up to catch Mizu watching you. A painter's canvas, different emotions were displayed on her face like colors. Shades of sadness, and regret. Of fear, of confusion. Of yearning. She missed your presence as much as you missed hers but you needed the distance. Even if it hurt. Feelings like this for a woman as a woman were unheard of. You’ve never met anyone who felt this way. You’ve never seen it. This wasn't like learning to throw knives, or learning to quiet your steps so that you truly become shadow like. There were only two options for this. Slip it away into the shadows to never be seen again, or let it stand in the light. Hide it, or be bold. You let your robe drop to the ground, puddling around your feet. Boldness became you.
Mizu backed away slightly as you entered the spring, fear and confusion becoming the main colors on her face. Holding your breath, you walked towards her. The spring water felt nice on your skin in contrast with the wind and the steam felt even better. You would not break eye contact. You could not break eye contact. You had to show her you weren't scared. You were willing to accept her nakedness now, her vulnerability, her secret. To reveal yours. To stand with her in her waters.
When you finally reached her, you realized you had stopped breathing. You were more anxious than you realized, but that was okay. You were being bold. Bravery walks with fear behind him, but never lets him lead. You stared into her blues, straightening your posture even though she towered over you. You would show her you were no longer frightened and indecisive. You had made your choice, and it was her. Silence passed between you two before she spoke finally, her voice low but not as confident as it usually was.
“I’ll leave-” she began, making her move around you.
“Don’t.” you cut her off with a whisper, freezing her in her spot. The silence continued.
You were truly lost here. You didn't have a plan which was unlike you, didnt think about what to say, and every miniature speech you had forming in your mind didn't seem fit. You were sure that there were no words ever spoken in the history of this world about a scenario such as this one. You must have been the first. That thought brought you discomfort. You felt so alone in the world with these feelings. So small which wasn't new to you but this wasn't like the good feeling of being small in a safe space. You felt small in a large room with nowhere to hide. You began to regret this idea.
“Im sorry-” “Forgive me-” Mizu and you spoke at the same time. The sudden interruption of eachothers voices caused you both to pause, heat rising in your faces.
“You have nothing to be sorry for-” She started
“I fled from you like a coward..” The memory of you turning and running back home stuck in your mind again. Mizu’s face, leaving her there alone. The guilt settled in, making it hard for you to hold eye contact now. You folded your arms over your chest, your shoulders rising to your neck. The warmness of the spring now felt cold.
“I hid from you like a coward.”
Slowly you shifted your gaze from the blues of the spring, to the blues of her eyes. She was still looking at you, the colors of guilt painted on her face as well. You slowly unfolded your arms, bare chest facing hers. It was understood at this moment that you weren't alone in this. Mizu had been feeling these emotions as well. You weren't sure how new to this she was, but you grew comfortable in knowing that you stood in this understanding together, the same way you stand bare in this spring. You were here, and so was she. Frightened by the vulnerability, but together in the pool of it.
Reaching out your hands, you gathered hers in your palms. Her slender hands calloused from constant trainings and fighting with her sword were larger than yours. Her fingers extended in length to interlink with yours. She began to close the distance, spring water creating ripples around your bodies. It was her turn to be brave, and you were accepting it.
“I won't hide from you.” She said in a whisper, her warm breath tickling the skin on your cheek.
“And I wont run from you.” Your voice was shaky, being this close to her was affecting you more than you thought. Nothing separated you from touching. No anger or hatred, no clothing or weapons, not even the water. Chest to chest, hand in hand. It sent rushes of excitement through your veins. Your eyes shifted from left to right, then slowly lifted to meet hers again. She was already looking into yours. A plentiful of thoughts ran through your mind. Mizu’s hair lay laxed, reaching to the middle of her back with the little black coil that was as stubborn as she was, refusing to slick back like the rest of her hair but you thought it charming. Her skin was decorated with battle scars and stitches from previous life threatening fights, you found yourself admiring her strength. To be thrown into battle and come out alive each time; greatness must lie within her for her to survive this many times . The muscles under her skin, the way her hair stuck to her the side of her face, framing her features beautifully, the way her eyes reflected the spring like a river meeting another. Your thoughts had no voice but they echoed in your mind, no legs but they ran wild. And yet none of them were as loud as your heart in this moment. You could only think of one solution to silence them, one that you’ve seen others do but never had to chance to replicate yourself, but as usual Mizu was one step ahead of you.
The kiss was soft. Mizu had lowered herself to reach you, her lips brushing yours, testing your waters before diving. You held on to eachother still while you locked lips. The feeling was electrifying and you could feel its lightning running through your veins, straight through your fingertips. She pulled back gently to look into your eyes. You weren't sure what she read, but you read a different emotion in hers. She went back in, but this time with a little more hunger. She was breathless and you were air. Her fingers unlocked themselves from yours and quickly adjusted to holding the sides of your face, pulling you in closer. You held onto her elbows gently, and leaned forward. There was a small rock under your foot you were using to elevate yourself, but standing on the tip of your toes created an unsteadiness and you slipped, falling into her. She caught you, and pulled you in even closer. Skin to skin, heart to heart. Her arms wrapped around your backside, your navals connecting. Throwing your arms up you wrapped them around her neck to pull her into you as well, and the kiss grew into a hunger. A craving. A consumption of soul through breath, You found yourself desperate for her all over again, in need to be consumed by her, to give her all of you and more. Anything that would satisfy her hunger for you, and there was a hunger. The kisses were repetitive, Her head angled from one side to the next, as if she was unsure which side she enjoyed the most.
She lapped up the moans and whimpers you left in her mouth like sweet milk. They were involuntary, you weren't even sure you could make noises like this for another person until this moment. So weak, and dizzying, your breath quickening between each kiss as she robbed it from you. It was like you had no control over your body either. Between your legs began to throb and ache, causing you to grind your hips. Back and forth, the movement of the water sliding between your thighs helped but it wasnt enough. You were beginning to grow mindless, and your body had agreed to do the thinking for you. The only issue was your lack of experience. You craved, you seeked, you longed for..something. Kissing each other was forming a typhoon in your lower regions, threatening to cross the shoreline and destroy, conquering everything in its path. You just needed something, anything, that could get you to the point your body was seeking.
Mizu stepped back, her self control only a tad bit stronger than yours as you tried to pull her back in again. She chuckled, breathless, and lowered her head to gaze into your eyes. You began to catch your breath, thankful for this chance to slow your heart as you felt you were soon to explode with an unimaginable level of lust. The woman raised her slender hand, leaving a spot for cold air to hit where her arms were now absent, and gently stroked her thumb over your cheek. A few strokes and she found herself brushing your lips. Looking into her eyes, you plumped your lips and laid a soft kiss on the padding of her thumb. Slow, beckoning. A trap. You heard a soft sound of pleasure slip out from her vocal cords, as she leaned back down to meet your lips. Pulling away this time was a little harder, as you were focused on holding her as close to you as possible. You didn't want to stop, your body craved her and you could tell hers hungered for you too. The goosebumps on her arm, her chest rising and falling fast, the nipples on her soft breast as erect as yours. You wondered if she felt the same typhoon threatening to overcome her between her legs. You wondered if there would be a time where you could explore eachothers bodies. Finding the samurai's weak spots in her armor. Fighting a battle where for once there is no loss, and everyone wins. Making the other fall to ones knees, overcome by the ocean tides within, letting the waves consume your bodies.
“Ringo,” she started but didn't finish the sentence, still out of breath.
“No..” You whimpered in protest. This couldn't be it. Not now. She had walked you to the cliff, it felt, and all you had to do was jump together.
“Yes.” she chuckled again. “He will start looking. I’m not usually out here for this long.”
“Make it a habit.” you teased in a hushed tone. The thought of more sessions like this night with Mizu excited you again; your hips twitched unintentionally. Mizu noticed, attentive as always, and lowered her hands to your sides to grip them. If it weren't for her holding you up, you were sure your legs would give way.
Water droplets slid off your skin, as clothing slipped on. Wrapping your gowns in a comfortable silence while shooting glances at one another, you felt a calm wash over you. You walked into the depth of her pool with the cool of anxiety, and walked out covered in the warmth of reassurance. The night seemed to only be getting better as you both walked back to the home. Ringo’s cooking was entrapping, the scent swimming through the wind and into your nose, flashing images of ingredients into your mind. Mizu, who was walking ahead of you, turned over her shoulder to catch your eyes. There was a different look to her tonight, a look that warmed your heart. She lifted a hand behind her, you reached forward to grasp it and despite all the oddities the world would speak of your budding hearts that have decided to grow as one, it all was beginning to feel natural.
It was as though the land was no longer large enough for all of you, as you kept finding yourselves in each other's way. Eventually, you came out of your isolation, and you understood that meant seeing her but you were starting to wonder if it was too sudden and if you needed more time. You could feel her eyes on you whenever you crossed paths. How they’d trail you as you walked down halls, into rooms, off to nature. In the back of your mind, you desired her bravery. Reaching out to you so you didn't have to summon the little bravery you barely had. On your walks your mind would drift to her running behind you, pleading for a conversation that would end in a way you couldn't predict. She never spoke, so neither did you.
After a few days of eating alone in your room, Ringo had tried to invite you back to the regular schedule of your meals where you all shared a table together in hopes to bring about normalcy and a long needed discussion perhaps.
You had hoped you would walk in when she was finished with her meal, as she did eat fast. Not fast enough it seems; you entered to spot her still sitting at the table. Silence plagued the room, the apprentice didn't dare swallow his food as even that would make too much noise.
Lowering your gaze, you shuffled to your regular spot before being seated. There was a pause, a stiffness in the air, before you reached for your bowl, followed by the continued sound of eating and wooden sticks hitting wooden bowls. The plan was simple. You would eat with the Master and her apprentice, show appreciation for the meal, and return to your respected corner. Ringo, though you were still frustrated with him slightly, worked too hard preparing meals for everyone to be avoided. You would show your respects, then show your way out. No conversation needed to be had.
A few bites in and you were feeling confident in yourself. This was going smoothly, and you believed everyone had the same plan. Eat in silence, leave in silence. It was just a meal.
“(Y/N)-” and with the sound of her voice, you stood immediately. You had not heard her voice in so long, let alone her first words be your name. It startled you and your first reaction was to flee. You couldn't hear what she had to say. Not now.
It was too soon. You weren't as ready as you thought you were. Your blood ran cold, and you almost collapsed with how fast you stood. Her reflexes kicked in and she reached out to catch you, but the thought of her touching you at this moment sent panic throughout your body and you involuntarily forced yourself away from her reach.
You could see the sadness in her eyes as you did so. The longing to touch you as her fingers twitched. The understanding of why you wouldn't let her . She withdrew, and in that flash of a moment you thought of all the years she had been denied touch. How something as simple as helping you to not fall would mean so much to her in that moment. In a world where her birth marked her as an abomination to never be shown humanity. It was human to touch one another, and she had been denied that all of her life. The only possible way through bloodshed and death. She longed to touch and be touched, and in helping you it would mean her touch was not always destructive. She wasn't a demon set to destroy and be destroyed. Though it was quick, you could see the vulnerability in her eyes. In that moment she wanted to be just Mizu. Stopping your stumble. Catching your fall.
Your chest mimicked the wild oceans, rising and falling before you fled from an unfinished meal and avoided conversation.
Eventually you would have to get over this, you decided. You needed to. It was either that or leave. Mizu and Ringo didn’t make any indications that you had overstayed your welcome. It was never brought up, or hinted. If anything, Ringo was more than happy to have an imaginary home with you and his Master. You would have to be the one to walk away.
And yet you could not bring yourself to leave.
It would be so easy. You were brought here with nothing, you could leave with nothing. You could run far away from this place. Far from the blacksmith's plot of land. Far from Ringo’s home cooked meals and warmth. Far from Mizu.
That’s what always got you. Everything was logical until it came to her, which frustrated you. A few months before this, you didn't think this way. This misty fog has clouded your judgement, and this new growth has held your heart in place, anchoring you to this spot. The vines wrapped around her ribcage. You would have to cut them in order to flee. It was the right thing to do. You had no actual reason to be beside her.
And yet here you were.
Shears in hand you could see yourself standing before her, roots growing from your chest and in her direction. You could stop this. You should. She stood before you in the dark of your mind, unmoving and patient for your decision. Eventually it would reach her and wrap itself deeper into who she was. The roots would thicken, making it even more difficult to cut away. You needed to end this now. Uproot this new growth so that you could leave with no baggage.
But you wanted the baggage.
You wanted the weight of this emotion that crushed your chest as it grew. You wanted the difficulty that came with breathing beside her. You wanted your roots to grow to her. You wanted her to feel your new season. You wanted her, after a long winter, to feel spring. The shears shook in your hand.
In mythologies, fables and religions spoken and shared amongst the masses, demons are often spirits of trickery. They tempt you, luring you in with promises of pleasure, or what is beyond the hearts desire without informing you of the trap set before you. Like moths to a flame, different souls find themselves following behind before they are eventually consumed whole by either their unsatisfied lust or greed. The demons in these stories, though at fault, are never to blame. It is always the fault of the one who chose to indulge.
This was your fault. You knew what he was before you knew who he was.
He..She. That woman. The Onryo.
Did she ask you to become closer than you two were supposed to? Did she ask for you to see past her coldness? Did she ask for you to see her as human? Did she ask for your desire?
The answer to all of the questions you had was simple, but it brought in anger from within you that felt similar to the anger from the beginning.
You continued to be played for a fool by one person.
Whether it was in a town following the two of them, or sizing her up just to be taken down again and again, she continuously found ways to bring instability to your footing and force you onto your back.. Now it was her entire identity laughing in your face, asking you how you could be so blind.
And it brought you to anger.
Who was this person you had been healing and housing beside for this long? This stranger with more layers than a cave.
When you entered your room that night, you felt the weight of your mind bring you to your knees. Your thoughts and feelings creeped out of your skull and crowded your room at high volume. Anger and confusion were the loudest, spouting out the most obvious questions
A liar. A true demon. He couldn't have told us? What does any of this mean!
He? She! She has been pretending to be this..man! And you fell for it, just like everyone else. You're not as observant as you pride yourself to be.
A voice you knew well to be Disgust spoke up now, a voice as slimy as pond seaweed.
And what makes it worse is she lured you in with your desperate need to feel something. This isn't how you were raised. In desperate need of comfort and reassurance, you’ve fallen in love with a woman.
Disgust stood above you, echoing thoughts of distant disapproval from a man you’d never see again.
What would he think of you now? Not that he even thinks of you anymore after what you’ve done. Is this what happens when you are casted away from greatness? You become lost? You fall in love ?
They all spoke above one another, berating you as you clung to your robe, trying to make sense of it all. A hushed voice spoke from the shadows in the far corner, as soft and shy as a warm thought.
We’ve fallen in love?
And with that all the other voices came to a silent pause as that thought echoed throughout your room.
And did the samurai ask you to fall for her? And because you knew the answer to that question you also knew well who to blame now that you were in this predicament. Moths, flames, and whatnot.
~
You didn't count the days that passed, as you had taken shelter in your secluded room. Hunger pinched at your stomach, but you ignored the sensation with sleep or distracted yourself with the same thoughts that have been racing your mind sunrises and moons ago.
It soon became a puzzle to you. You would stare into the wood above your head from the floor you lay on. Anger eventually diminished into frustration.
Throughout your missions, you’ve decorated your body to play into roles more suited for the job. It wasn't unusual for one to adopt a chameleon soul to move about the world undetected. She needed to be undetected, and she had a mission. She told you. You replayed the conversation in your mind, looking for any more deceit, but she was genuine everytime. Her voice played in your head, her features serious and stern. Everything she said to you she meant. At Least she didn't lie about that.
Your mind brought you back to the night she had saved you. As painful as it was to remember, you could still see flashes in between your slipping consciousness. Mizu fighting off your father. The feeling of her arms wrapped around your waist, her strength as she pulled you out and away from your nearing death. What would your father have thought if he knew this enraged swordsman causing turmoil and disruption all over Japan, plotting and scheming to remove his head from his shoulders, was a woman. Your father, who thought so little of women, was being hunted by one and based on her persistence; and previous targets who can no longer speak to tell the story of their paths crossing, she would have been successful. Your fathers face came into view behind your eyes as you thought of telling him all of this. You could almost see his reaction, or at least his attempt to diminish any trace of one. You could see him nod, taking in the information. You could almost hear him laugh.
A woman coming to kill him.
No, not just a woman.
Your Father’s daughter.
Then it began to make sense. Her dressing as a man to not be spotted, staying undetected and keeping to herself. In this world with men's egos as fragile as a ceramic tea cup tottling on the edge of its table, to discover not only were they being hunted but bested by a woman..The bounty on her head would bring the poorest man out of poverty and into the rooms rubbing shoulders with the wealthy. It would make the wealthy reach the status of royals, possibly nearing the doors of the heavens because if one was wealthy enough, one could become like god and what was more divine than banishing a demon.
You were beginning to understand her reasoning, but it still pulled at you to the point of annoyance and you couldn't wrap your mind on why. It shouldn't bother you this much. It wouldn't bother you this much if you weren't..
A soft voice spoke from behind the shut door.
“Master said you might want space when I asked..I just wanted to be sure you..”
You rolled over to your front side before standing to your feet to swing the door with a swift harsh motion. Ringo stared up from the floor of the door with a tray and small portions of his meals, the same way he had displayed it when you were healing. He thought you had fallen ill.
“She doesn't get to dictate what I need.” You spoke coldly, watching Ringo’s face grow still from realization.
Turning from him, you stumbled a bit before sitting in the center from the room. It had been a while since a proper meal, and standing quickly reminded you of that. You wouldn't face him as he entered the room, even as the smell of a home cooked meal neared you.
“How long have you known?”
He shuffled his way to the front of you in silence before kneeling with the tray. Your eyes drifted to the corner, refusing to look his way. You assumed he was in on the dishonesty from his silence as he set up the displand removed the lids. Though it was small portions, everything smelled delicious as usual. How long has it been since you’ve eaten..
“I’m not-”
“She didn't reveal her secret to me. It was by accident. I..” he chuckled to himself before picking up chopsticks.
“I followed her after a battle, determined to make this great samurai my master. She was cleaning her wounds when I found her..unclothed..Held her sword this close to my face. I thought I was going to lose my nose, she was so swift and on guard.” he held the chopstick close to your nose, and the smell took over your senses. Your stomach rumbled loud enough for both of you to hear. He nudged the rice towards your lips, poking them with a little noise before you sighed and grabbed the sticks. How he could make light of this situation was beyond you. You thought your anger was displayed well enough.
“How can you even call her that.”
“What? Master?” he said, sliding the bowl to you.
“Yes! A title reserved for the greatest of samurai’s? Someone who has taken down many men with their mastery of combat and strategy, someone who respects the craft of the sword, someone who is selfless and..and..I just don’t understand it..” You could hear your fathers ideology in your voice, the way he spoke about women slipping into your words before plopping themselves before Ringo who smiled at you warmly.
“Someone who is strategic and masterful in combat and strategy?” he repeated your words and let them float off in the air of silence between you two as you came to a realization. Mizu has done exactly that. In the dungeon, she made sure to free those before her and fight off any guard who came in sight. Her fights have reached the rooms of the affluent, and ears of royalty. You’ve seen her fights, her skill and dedication to it. There was no doubt she was skilled, and if she were a man she would be labeled as one of the youngest and one of the greatest..but she was a woman. That thought kept circling your mind. A woman you had subconsciously grown respect for. A woman you had fallen for. That thought whispered behind it.
“You might need more time to come to this understanding, but I know you will.” He moved the bowl closer to you.
“You will get there, and when you do you’ll realize why I am here too. This is the closest to greatness I can reach, and though I can never touch it, I do not mind helping. I do not mind helping greatness.”
He looked into your eyes with a promising smile before glancing at the bowl of food he was nudging your way. You glanced at the rice, steam floating in between you two and sighed. Ringo’s voice joined the aggressive thoughts that had been circling your mind, bringing them to a slower pace. There was no point in torturing yourself any further. It was only bringing you discomfort as your stomach growled louder. You took into consideration how long it had been since you’ve seen Mizu. Thoughts of her swarmed your mind, followed by her distant voice. You felt your heart pace quicken as flashes of her interrupted your stubborn anger. You would only satisfy one organ at this moment as you took your first bite in days.
When you sleep, your mind drifts off to a distant dark pit before you are brought into the world every morning. Dreams aren't an occurrence, but when they do happen it surprises you. You hate dreaming. It was your father you would go to for comfort, and now it was just you waking up in a dark room on your own. You weren't sure you would go to him about this dream anyway.
Flashes of moments and sceneries danced behind your eyes. An opening scene of you standing in a winter field and as you walk you’d find yourself stepping in an ice puddle and sinking to the bottom of the pond. It would cut to firm hands grabbing you out the water and firmer hands pulling you back in, fighting for dominance over your body. A long black pause before you would find yourself in a dark room with a dimly lit candle. It seemed that you were sleeping, so you rolled over and crawled towards the candle to blow it out. As you made your way over, you felt slender hands slide up your thigh and around your waist. A warm presence approached you from behind before lowering himself onto you. A soft chest pressed against your back, but before you could question, you heard the sleep heavy voice of the samurai purring beside your ear, breathing down your neck.
“Can’t sleep, (Y/N)?”
Your eyes shot open and you sat up quickly. You pulled your (h/c) to the back to give your flustered face some air and caught your breath. You could still hear his voice in your ear, his breath on your skin and you reached your hand to the nape of your neck to feel if it was real. Obviously it wasn't, you scolded yourself before standing up. You just needed some fresh air. That was all.
You made your way to the deck before lowering yourself to the ground. The moon was bright, and full, looking over the land with her shiny face and glowing presence. The night was peaceful and quiet and it was exactly what you needed at this time. Something calming to counter the craziness slipping into your sleep.
The problem was reaching towards you, even at rest. You could ignore the intense eye contact building between you two. You could ignore the lingering touches during meals when you two would pass bowls of food. You could ignore the fact that you both enjoyed training and exercise because it was the only time you could give yourselves permission to touch one another. The way he says your name and how it makes you feel like you’ve entered warm waters, the waves convincing you to let go and drown. The way he laughs, the rare occasion you’d catch a smile. You could ignore it. You would until you had a plan. It didn't want to be ignored, and now it was in your dreams begging for attention and time. Time you weren't sure you had, and attention you weren't sure you wanted to give.
“Can’t sleep, (y/n)?”
You jumped and heard him snicker behind you. You weren't expecting him to be up at this time, but of course he would. Perfect timing. He sank beside you and stared ahead at the moon and the stars. Silence grew before you took the opportunity to ask him another question. It seems with him, you were always full of them which was unlike you. Or maybe he just pulled out a more curious side to you.
“Do you dream?”
His face didn't change, but his body did. He shifted slightly, reaching his arm back to relax behind him before answering
“I don’t like to.” He said plainly.
“What do you dream of?”
He turned to you and with a sad look in his eyes, repeated the question.
“What do you dream of?” he responded in a way that gave you a better answer than you had needed.You understood what he meant in that question. That the same monsters that haunt your dreams, most likely visit him as well. Ever since the conversation had in the field, a deeper understanding found its way between you two. This wall that divided you two had come down and now the only thing stopping you from reaching closer was your fearful minds. You weren't going to cross that border. You had never had to before, and you were unaware of what lay on the other side.
Two sides of the same coin. Kindred spirits in a way.
“What do you do with your bad dreams?”
“I do what you're doing right now. Sit outside and think. Sometimes I’ll train so hard my body exhausts itself.” He glanced over for your response, and sat up when he saw the distant saddened look cross your face.
Your mind was drifting to thoughts to a place of solemn loneliness as you realized how isolated you were in this world. As reluctant as he was to accept Ringo's presence, even Mizu had someone to accompany him on this journey of life. There was no father to calm you after a nightmare, there was no apprentice to make you warm meals, there wasn't even a home to go back to. Fear followed afterward. This world was not kind to women, and it was even more cruel to women who were alone.
Who cared for nightmares and terrors when every day for the rest of your life could be worse. You could walk down the road and be attacked by a group of drunken bored men. You’d have to find ways now to afford to even eat. The stories and horrors your father shared with you about the realities women faced seemed to be closer than you had realized. Their claws reached around the corner, they pulled at the helm of your cloth, they called your name in the dark. He was right. He would always be right. His voice echoed with them.
Slender hands reached around your waist, pulling you close to him before the other lowered your head onto his shoulder. It was an awkward effort to provide comfort, but only because you had not expected it. He held you there for a few short moments, his skin on yours bringing you back to the present.
“I don’t need your pity.” You mumbled against his collarbone
“This isn’t that.” His voice vibrated in his chest, cool and calm.
You pulled away gently to look into his eyes.
“Then what is this?” A soft whisper left your throat, frightened and confused.
You watched each other, looking for an answer somewhere beyond your eyes before you both came rushing into each other.
He leaned into your face and you met him halfway. It was gentle at first, both of you were surprised by the other's reaction, but after a few seconds you both fell into each other with passion. He held your head in between his palms, tilting your head slightly while he robbed the air from your lungs. You clung to his clothes from his waist, giving into his touch, leaning into his hunger. A warmth you had never experienced began to grow inside you, an ignited fire remembering to flame. It was just like the night you tousled onto the floor, except this time the inferno was being fed. Unsure what to do, your hands followed whatever they desired naturally. They trailed from his waist to his side, gripping and pulling him in closer and he obliged. You heard the palm of his hand hit the flood behind you as he lowered you onto it, still devouring your lips with the passion and greed of a man who’s never known a meal. Slowly, your hands began to reach for his chest. You needed to feel his heart move. You needed to feel his skin on yours. You needed to burn with him.
“Mmm-Don’t.” In just moments, he pulled away leaving a trail of saliva between your gaping maw’s. He quickly swiped at his mouth before pulling his robe, covering himself and combing his hair back with his fingers. He looked panicked, and guarded now; throwing you off guard from the few minutes of openness and tenderness shared between you two. You both sat back to catch your breath, you watching him and him looking off to the ground. Tilting your head, you tried to look into his eyes. What changed in a matter of seconds? Did you do something wrong? Was he now feeling the problem you had been feeling for some time?
“Was..” you took a few breaths “Did something h-”
“We should rest. The moon will set soon.” and with that he picked himself up and left. The cold current of his behavior sent chills through your skin as you sat there under the moonlight alone.
~
Three days had passed since the encounter on the deck and you had taken that time to spend with Ringo again. The routine of cooking and cleaning beside him brought a stability that was needed at this time. Your heart still raced when you sat by the samurai during your meals, and you could feel his eyes on you when you didn't join him for training. It itched at you to see what emotion stirred in them. Was it anger for using your womanly emotions to lure him into comforting you? Was there confusion for why you weren't joining him? Or could it be sadness, a furrow in his brow, a tightness to his lips..
This couldn't be how you two would be before he eventually would leave. What did he mean by it wasnt pity? What was it then? To pull someone in and hold her close to you, to meet lips and beg for more but not with words, with your body. And What was it to pull away so abruptly? What did any of this mean to you, you wondered. What did any of this mean to him?
That night you had decided to bathe in the hot spring not too far from the land. You preferred the bathing quarters, but you felt that you would run into Mizu. Not that you ever had. You don’t know when in the day he put aside for bathing, but he was always clean while here. You weren't ready to find out and have an awkward encounter in clothes that hid nothing but your naked bodies underneath.
Down to the bank you went, the silence of the night taken over by the sound of rushing water. You could feel the humidity from the hotspring dampening your skin, and you quickened your pace. Excitement swelled inside of you as you reached the ledge, just for you to freeze.
Mizu stood in the center of the pool, water from his hair dripping down his toned back and arms. From his stance you could tell he was at peace, enjoying the heat from the spring.
You considered joining him. It had been three days since you two had spoken. It was time to put aside this childish behavior and feed to your bodies what they had been craving that night. What was the point of denying anything when it was felt so strongly between you two. If you stepped into this pool, joined him in his nakedness, it wasn't confirmed anything would happen; but if anything did happen you wouldn't do anything to stop it. Granted, you didn't have any experience for what was to happen between the two of you, but you had seen enough from your missions and watching. You had hoped he would be more gentle, or maybe you wouldn't mind.
Taking a deep breath, you poked your toe into the pool and let the warm pull the rest of your foot into its warmth. You heard his arms drop as he turned around quickly. Shock spread across his blushed pink face before you looked up from your foot.
Soft breast.
There was a long silence between you two before you removed your foot from the pool.
“(Y/N..)” you heard her say, but she didn't move towards you.
Wrapping your robe tighter around your frame, you rushed away from the hot spring. The trees and the ground spun and merged and fused around you as you moved without thought. Quick enough for your thoughts to not catch you until you reached the deep corners of your room. It was there you couldn't escape them, and they rushed you without mercy.
Your back hit the ground for the fourth time that session before your body decided it was done for the day. Air spilling out of your lungs was humiliating enough, but to hear the snicker from your opponent not too far away was degrading. Everytime you’d turn over you could see him covering his mouth, or looking off into the distance to pretend he wasn't enjoying the scene behind him. You retracted your comment from weeks prior as you realized shortly into your training sessions, he was a lot stronger than he looked. Even after the battle of the near death experience escaping your father’s home was. Scars, bruises, and cuts, inner bleeding and outer, he was more disciplined than you had ever seen a single man who wasn't in some form of military or guard work.
Mizu’s training was based in control and release. He knew his body well enough, and slowly began to know yours. Training with Mizu brought you to the observation that you both were observant. You both studied your opponent in combat, so it made it difficult for you to be on your feet with someone who found pleasure in discovering strategic ways to get you off of them.
He didn't win every time, but he won enough times for you to call it a day. Every now and then you would land a very good hit that would knock the wind from his chest, giving you enough time to come up with your next move.
“You don’t have to pretend you don’t find this amusing..” You muttered, using your elbows to turn painfully onto your side.
“No, no I don’t.” Sarcasm dripped from his words, fueling your frustration. You attempted to sit up and slipped on wet grass , causing a chuckle to ripple through his body. It was small and short, but his laughter was oddly soothing. His footsteps moved the earth as he made his way to you before settling beside you to rest. Of course, not close enough for you to mount him for another attack. Not like you had the energy for it at the moment.
You both caught your breath in silence, watching the clouds drift lazily across the sky. The seasons were changing in a beautiful manner. You could feel spring growing stronger, taking from winter’s strength and brightening the world around you. It made you think of time. How long have you been out here really? A few weeks, a few months? And how long would you continue to stay out here? It’s not like you had a place to stay, or a purpose if you really thought about it. For the first time in years, you were without direction. What were you doing out here with…
You glanced over at the samurai who was also watching the sky before he felt your eyes on him. They met with yours and you both stopped breathing at that moment. Searching. Observing.
…no longer the enemy. A stranger.
“We can keep going tomorrow. Give your limbs a bre-”
“Why do you want to kill my father?”
The question rushed out of you with little to no hesitation or sense of direction. You were not sure how he would take this question, but his response would help you further understand who he is. You could watch him all of your life, and still not know too well the depth of his soul. You could tell he was self trained, but he was an incredible fighter. He trained himself to kill. There must be a reason for one to train themselves to take lives, and train themselves to this level of efficiency. You were raised a fighter, but you grew up a hider. That you could do well and when it came to fighting it was for someone else's purpose. You did it well enough, but your purpose was to be your fathers eyes in the shadow and at times his final word. Mizu built who he was all on his own, with little to no help. To the point where stories of his battles crossed Japan and were discussed in the hidden rooms of the wealthy. No one becomes this powerful for no reason. You knew that.
Mizu held eyes with you for a little longer before sighing and lowering his lids.
“How is he your father? You don’t even resemble each other.” He responded in a cold manner. You could tell that bringing up the topic of the man who almost killed you both returned distant thoughts of revenge to the front of his mind.
“He..he saved me from the life I was living. He gave me a home and a purpose. He freed me from my past.”
“Making you into his trained spy and endangering your life in the name of him was what you called freedom?.”
“So that’s why you want him dead? Because he adopted poor beaten girls and took care of them? Is that what your great moral reasoning is, Samurai?” You didn't mean to sound as snarky, your response just slipped out that way. Deep down there were still a few memories of your father that you cherished and held close, and it came naturally for you to defend him. Deep down, you knew he had cast you to the side long before his hand reached you. There were no traces of you in the heart that beat in his chest.
You both faced the sky again, the silence growing thick between you two. Regret was starting to form in your mind before he cut through the tension.
“You were poor and beaten.” The way he phrased it was more of a statement, but it sounded like a question. He was trying to peek into your life as well, pulling back the curtains to discover your reasonings. Why you chose to run off with a foreign man and leave your family behind. Why you chose this path that eventually led you to each other.
“We were dirt poor. It was just my mother and my siblings. My mother wasn't welcomed in a lot of pleasure houses, and was despised by most women for her tendencies to prey on their husbands..” You shifted a bit. It had been a long time since you talked about her, but as you spoke you could see her face reappear in your foggy memory. You could hear her voice. You could almost feel her strikes.
“She would sell herself to make ends meet, but it wasn't enough with all the children she had. Her lack and frustration grew into cruelty and her cruelty was taken out on whoever was the weakest and whoever was around. All of my siblings had each other. They would band together to go and scavenge for their own food or side jobs. I was the youngest of all of us. I had my mother and her cruelty, and in that I had no one.” you turned to Mizu now
“The night I met him, my mother was pleading for her life. She owed a debt she couldn't pay off, and offered me on the platter with no hesitation. Threw me to their feet the moment she had the chance to. While they were distracted, I fled and hid. I watched as my fathers men threw her back into our home and set it ablaze with all of my siblings sleeping inside. I could hear their screams as they all died together. No one escaped my past but me.”
“His men could have killed me, but he stopped them and took me in that night. He carried me to his home. He fed and clothed me, taught me things I never thought I would get the chance to know. I’d like to believe he saw something in me worth keeping. It was one of my greatest reasons to stay alive. If someone so great could see something in someone so small..I must be of value.”
“Without him, I could have been dea-no..would have been dead. In a matter of time.My mother was gone, my siblings if they had made it would never have taken me, a burden, under their wing, my true father could have been anyone but he wasn't anyone looking for me and right in front of me, my only choice was choosing me first. Could you..could you blame me?”
The question sank in the air with heaviness. You had not expected to go into detail, but Mizu listened so patiently you sank into the comfort of his attentive silence. His eyes never wavered from yours, even though yours looked off into the distance following a past you’d never return to. There are bruises you thought would have healed by now, reminding you that they are still aching and that just because you choose not to poke them, it does not mean their presence is erased. Time does not heal, it just helps you forget.
He sat up with a sigh before placing his elbows on his bending knees to look off into the same direction you were.
“You give him too much credit..” he mumbled, but not in a snarkish way. It was genuine. The way the conversation was going along, it didn't feel like he was going to dismiss you, or say anything rude like you had prepared for. Instead he took in what you said before turning to you.
“I didn't know my father either. That’s why I'm looking for him.”
You gave it a few moments, taking in his statement, before the realization settled into you sending cold chills down your arms. You sat up and took a second to really take in Mizu’s appearance. It is very obvious that Mizu doesn't look like your ordinary Japanese man, you realized that from the moment you spotted him in the town. His features were more slender and long, more distant and foreign. His hair, as black as it was, gave hints and signs of a mixture of waviness in its texture. His eyes were the most obvious. Roundly shaped with an odd and bright blue instead of a deep black.
Mizu was not fully Japanese.
Putting the pieces together, you began to map out a story in your mind of Mizu’s upbringing. The cruelty of family and those around him that don't take kindly to those who are unlike themselves. How cruel the world can be when you are different. When you glanced in his direction again, he was waiting for you with an answer to your questions already.
“At the time of my conception, there were four white men in Japan. One of them forced themselves onto my mother. I’m not one to ask too many questions, and I don’t care which one of them did it. I want all of them dead.” he then pulled back his sleeve to reveal an inked scar on his forearm. It was two lines crossed over creating four empty spaces. One of the spaces had a small point in the center and he pointed to it with his fingers.
“One of them has to be my father. One of them is responsible for the life I lived. For the beatings, the cruelty. For the killing of my mother. Being hunted and treated worse than a street dog. I didn't ask to be this way, to be this monster, but it became my problem the moment I was born.” He lowered his sleeve aggressively, turning his attention to fixing his clothes. You could tell his thoughts now were dark, a storm brewing over the deep oceans of his mind.
“I have made it my life's mission to make it theirs. Could you blame me?”
It was then you understood Mizu in a way months of observing him never would have revealed to you. His discipline, his movements, his silence, his devotion. This wasn't just a quest for him. He trained for years, taught himself to take life and then took lives. He made this his only reason to live. To get up. To keep searching. Because a foreign man forced himself upon a woman who birthed him into this world to be treated like a creature of the night, he has made it his life’s goal to hunt him like one. With the same eagerness and hunger for blood and satisfaction. A life for a life. Whoever it was.
Looking into his eyes, the reality of the situation settled deeper within you. His eyes, your fathers eyes, both shades of blue. If you let your mind wander enough, you could almost see the resemblance but you weren't sure if it was just an illusion created by Mizu’s words. You didn't know all of your fathers moves, especially before your paths crossed but it was in this moment a great realization struck you.
Though you considered yourself to be your fathers daughter, you might be sitting in the presence of his child. In an odd way if it was true, the idea of being so close to something of your fathers brought you fear. In a sick way that you refused to acknowledge was if it was true, it brought you a saddening comfort. He was never far, you had a piece of him here even if Mizu hated that. It might be your fathers eyes on the man staring at you while sitting on the ground with the intensity of an awakened animal. It proved his possession over the world and that what your father says is true. He never loses anything. Everything that is of him finds its way back. Even if it was to kill him.
In moments of frustration, to be still was the best decision to make until an opportunity revealed itself. Be still, be quiet, and be observant. An opportunity will arise, a solution to your problem. It always does if you are patient enough. You usually were in moments of frustration, but here it was different. The problem couldnt be identified as you had never come face to face with an enemy such as itself. It was deep under your skin, hidden in your chest cavity. It was behind your eyes before you dragged them away. In the tone of your voice, and sometimes a hint in the tone of the samurai’s. There was a problem, but you couldn't find it, and it didn't seem the blue eyed man was looking for a solution if he had even identified there was something wrong in the first place.
No, he was too focused on training. Always training. Every morning you woke to the sounds of his huffs and grunts. If you woke up late enough, you would hear his sword cutting through air or clashing with whatever log of wood that he chose to become his defenseless opponent. He was always moving, pushing, fighting through everything even in pain. It was Mizu’s way of staying fit. Mizu..
.It had only been a few days since you had learned his name finally after months of taking up eachothers space. Unwillingly. You still couldn't believe that you had trailed him for weeks on weeks and never heard a slip of his name anywhere. No written form, no introductions, not even the conversations with his apprentice. You trailed this nameless stranger for weeks just to find he is as fitting as the title given to him to introduce himself. His mother held him in her arms and named him after one of the greatest forms of nature known to man. Evershifting, evermoving, a force so unstoppable that man builds contraptions to contain it behind great dams and walls, but it never stops. Water is never still, even if it looks like it.. He never stops. Or perhaps she just looked into his eyes as a newborn and went for the easiest thing she could think of. Either way, how fitting.
You still couldn't find yourself using it. It would brush the skin behind your lips before you would give up, swallowing him whole and spitting out a “Hey you!” to catch his attention for when his apprentice called for meals. You couldn't bring yourself to it. Not without being brought back to that night he let you hear it for the first time. The sound of your footsteps on the floor as you chased each other, the look of excitement in his eyes, the feel for a challenge, his body close to yours. That was the furthest you’d let yourself travel back to before clearing your mind. It’s not like you two had not fought before. You've fought enough times to know he played unfairly, but so do you. But to play with the enemy, what would your father say..
“Hey you.” His voice called from behind you, cutting through your forming deep sea thoughts like a bursted dam. You tilted your head slightly to catch his eyes as he approached where you were standing. He must have seen you standing there for a little too long with the straw bag. You hadn't noticed until now that he doesn't use your name either. Maybe he was aware of this brewing problem as well. You waited for his shadow to cross your face as his approaching figure towered you with his height.
“I have a name.”
“So do I.” He responded with quickness, no sign of disruption on his face. He reached down to help you with the bag, leaning closer to you. He probably assumed it was the reason you were standing for so long. You remembered Ringo’s words on how his Master would ask of you to make sure you were healing alright. Though you were enemies, he would ask. You being so close to death, crossing over would have been a convenience for him, and yet he asked. He always asked. Did he think you were weak? Or that you were still healing in some way.
“I’ve got it, Mizu.” You looked him in the eyes as you spoke his name. It sounded like a spell coming from your lips. It froze him in movement like a pond in the winter. There was a different look in his eyes, oceans stirred beneath his blues. His lashes were long and wispy as he stared into yours. You could see the sweat from his previous training dripping down the center of his bridge. You wondered what you looked like through his eyes. You wondered if he could feel the problem too.
“It’s probably only what..14..15 kan? I can carry it myself. ” You broke eye contact now, pulling yourself from his gaze. It had to be you first. You heard him clear his throat before straightening himself up to his full height again.
“I bet I’m strong enough to join you in your little trainings.”
“Oh yeah?” You could hear the relief in his voice as you moved down the hall.
“You don’t do anything too difficult anyway.”
“And yet, I’ve beaten you..how many times?” He teased, and it pressed against the bruise on your ego, but not as bad as it would have months ago. No, months ago you would have lunged at him for speaking that way to you. Months ago, you wouldn't have even let him speak.
Before you could respond to his banter, his apprentice turned the corner as quiet as a mouse. It still surprised you that someone his size could move with such agility and stealth. His smile was warm as he took the bag from you.
“Perfect! Thank you, (y/n). This should last us a long while. I finally figured out what I want to make for tonight. Master, it’s your favorite! It has been a while. ” The excitement in his voice seeped into your skin like sunshine and you too found yourself a bit excited for dinner. Ringo’s joy was contagious. It affected all, even his stoic, crude master. You could feel him shift beside you before looking off into the distance.
“Call when it’s finished.” and his apprentice nodded before they went their separate ways. Now you had a choice. You could keep Ringo company, helping him prepare his meal and listening to him hum sweet tunes over the food he prepared like you did almost every other day. You watched him walk down the hall, already humming softly and creating an atmosphere of peace that trailed behind him. When you turned the opposite direction, you saw his master. His back stood tall and strong as he made his way back onto the field. The wind blew against him, but he moved continuously. You watched as his hands lifted towards his neck and up into his waves of ink, retying his messy hair. He was drifting further away.
“Hey you!” You heard yourself speak before you had time to reconsider. Your body moved towards him, following behind before you found yourself standing in his shadow. With him turning around to the sound of your call, the wind now blew him in your approaching direction but he stood still for you. Waiting for you to catch up to him.
Obsessed with the shift in Fowler when he found out Mizu was a woman. The line directly preceding that realization is him holding her in a bear hug with the line "Your bones break like a woman's." Which is patently one of *the* most horrific things he could say and yet...he doesn't get all rapey which is what I was 100% afraid of. He's impressed, and he understands immediately who Mizu is. He isn't insulted that she beat his ass, rather he knows she has beaten his ass and will 100% kill him. The only thing he has to bargain with is information. But even while doing that, he calls her eyes "pretty". He comments that she's tall and it isn't creepy, it's very much in the way a relative would comment on those features to a niece or grandaughter. Those compliments aren't even remotely sexual. They're intended to manipulate Mizu, because he knows that she has probably never been called pretty in her entire life. But here's the thing. I think it backfires. Fowler is cruel and vicious and conniving...but he's *honest* about who he is. As far as we see, he doesn't fake emotions in order to manipulate people. And we learned something very important about him. He had a sister that he sacrificed everything to protect, even fed her his own blood so she wouldn't starve. And now thanks to his tactic of being Mizu's guide in London, he has inadvertantly put himself in the role of her caregiver.
Stories for the great Blue Eye Samurai @wordsformizu - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
