WerdyNerdynDirty!

Why am I asking you? I don't care what you think, not really... I guess I pose the question more as a warning to you: Enter this blog at your own risk. I am what a majority of the general population would call "crazy" and at this point in my life, I wear...

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The Irony of Apple's Genius Bar (and the insanity of the line at the mall)

The Irony of Apple’s Genius Bar (and the insanity of the line at the mall)

Maybe it’s just me. I don’t consider myself technically savvy nor especially ignorant, though when it came to choosing a smartphone, I went with Apple because of it’s user friendliness. At one point, several years ago, in a moment of weakness, I had a momentary lapse in judgement and fell for a Samson Galaxy. It didn’t work out and we broke up within the week. My husband tried to explain that it…

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Six Feet Under & Still Over My Head

Six Feet Under & Still Over My Head

I was a late bloomer. A couple of months ago, I started and binged the HBO TV series Six Feet Under. It was created and produced by Alan Ball who was inspired to write the show after the loss of his sister. Six Feet Under centers on the Fisher family and their privately owned and operated funeral home, Fisher and Sons. The pilot episode opens with an ad for a hearse. Unusual, to me as I’ve…

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Unsolved Mystery * Update * My Medical Condition

Unsolved Mystery * Update * My Medical Condition

Some of you know that in August of 2019 I lost some vision in my left eye. It was like a sheer, black veil just lowered and I was looking through a dark screen, seeing only bits and pieces of what was around me. I waited a few days to see if it would get better on its own but it only got worse. In addition to the vision loss, now there was a sever pain and my eye wouldn’t stop watering. I went to…

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Before I Forget...

Before I Forget…

I am grateful. For many things and right now, it’s important for me to remember them. A couple of weeks ago I played with my dog, Marah. I play with her on a daily basis but this day was exceptional. I adopted her 12/5/20. She is two years old and has been given up twice. (In fairness, the last time was the foster family but she doesn’t understand that concept.) She has followed me everywhere.…

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Again?

Do we have to do this again? I mean, “we get to do this again!” That’s my pseudo adult “change is inevitable, growth is optional” part of my personality is telling me.

At the soft, squishy core of me though is dread.

Another 9/11. Another birthday without Natalie. Another milestone passing by the sides of the car windows that I try to hang on to in the rear view mirror of these mashed…

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I Guess I'll Go Worship Satan

I Guess I’ll Go Worship Satan

I mean, being a good human isn’t good enough?

I’ve got people with no eyes telling me I’m blind.

I’m done.

There is no reasoning with people when it comes to politics anymore.

It’s no secret, in fact, it’s a source of morality that I DO NOT SUPPORT trump. When I see political memes, stories, facts, jokes that either support Biden or condemn trump, I share them. I feel it is part of my…

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Breathe

Yes, breathe I tell myself even now as I write this.

There are so many hot button issues right now and one in particular is burning my ass.

Lately I’ve seen a ton of posts about people not wearing masks, their right to do what they want etc.

“My opinion is valid!” They all scream.

Guess what? So is mine.

The curse of DBT, I’m sure I’ve mentioned is that I can see both side of a situation.

I…

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Trust

If anyone is wondering why I have trust issues, here’s an example.

My daughter’s second birthday is coming up and she is very into two things: baby dolls and shoes. I’m with her 100% on dolls but shoes, I don’t cate for. I prefer to feet the grass under my feet, thank you.

So, I’m looking at all kinds of baby dolls for her. On one of the websites, there was a pop up ad for BuyMyBestItem. They…

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Four Year Anniversary

A time to remember what I will never forget.

It’s been four years since my sister Natalie passed away.

Of course I’ve been listening to her music and going through photos… Yesterday I watched an episode of American Idol. Not on purpose, the t.v. remote was lost and it’s just what came on.

I watched the first three people audition before I broke down. All the talent, the potential and…

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Today, Olivia was scheduled to have her G-tube swapped out (something that’s done every 3 months).

The doctor asked how things have been going and I told him “Wonderful! We haven’t used the tube at all since January 3rd, and weren’t totally dependent on it half way through December.”

He warned us that if Olivia got very sick and needed fluids and wasn’t taking them, they would have to do another surgery to replace the tube. And… since we are low risk for getting the flu (everyone at home has had the flu shot, we don’t go out very much with her, are homebodies, strongly discourage people from coughing directly in her face…) that he would take the tube out.

And he did. It took 2 seconds. Olivia didn’t even flinch.

I asked if the “button” was hazardous material and they had to dispose of it or if I could keep it. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I felt embarrassed. Was that weird to ask to keep it? I don’t know… it was a means to an end. Her ticket out of the the NICU, after 90, we were able to feed her enough for her to thrive. Hell yeah I want to keep that.

Holding her afterwards… it was incredible. I was like I was holding her for the first time. I didn’t have to worry about pressure or positioning, question whether or not tummy time hurt, if she was going to get angry enough to pull it out herself…

It was a healing cuddle.

They popped it out and bandaged her up, the bandage is ridiculously large. It covers nearly half of her belly!

As we approach the second half of her first year, I’m looking back with gratitude and forward to smoother path.

  Later, “G”! Today, Olivia was scheduled to have her G-tube swapped out (something that's done every 3 months).

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Favorite Prompt

One of my writing teachers’ favorite prompts is “Since I saw you last”.

There is too much to write about. I’m going to get back to writing. I am writing, just not blogging. I want to change that. Baby steps. I was going to title this post “Here’s my little toe” but I didn’t want people to think it was a foot fetish story…

I’ll start with last week.

I’m pretty sure I had a mild case of food…

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For Her, For Me, For All of Us

For Her, For Me, For All of Us

In an attempt to get Tayla to be more social, I thought I’d look into some volunteer opportunities she might be interested in… That didn’t pan out but I did find something I was interested in!

The Crisis Text Line.

I’m not sure what it was about their ad in the volunteer section that made me think of Natalie, only that I did and I couldn’t stop.

She had so many friends and so much family that…

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That Was Huge...

That Was Huge…

I’m sorry for inviting you all (Facebook) to my Improv showcase and then uninviting all of you (in my head).

Here’s what happened.

Back in April, I started taking an improv class at Huge Improv Theater. (Improv 101, taught by Will Roberts, awesome guy). I didn’t know what to expect… He/she/they (everyone at Huge Theater) was super cool and very helpful, even with the uncomfortable stuff… We…

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Two Years & 20 Weeks Today

Two Years & 20 Weeks Today

“I’m so tired, I can’t even think straight. I don’t know what to do…”

“Just go lie down, we can figure it out when you wake up.”

Wake up.

Wake Up!

WAKE UP! I scream into her eternally sleeping face.

Two years ago today, my beautiful and talented sister died from an opioid overdose. Every day since has been a nightmare.

This is a nightmare. A fucking nightmare.

For me, for our family, for our…

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Honestly... Pregnancy Update and an Explantion for Why It's Been So Long.

Honestly… Pregnancy Update and an Explantion for Why It’s Been So Long.

Wow. It’s been a few months… I’d wanted to blog along with my pregnancy, but something held me back. Fear, mostly. And feelings, not mine.

Here’s the deal. Very early on in my pregnancy (5 weeks, I think) I was told by the doctor that my baby was not a baby. There had been a “fetal pole” visible on a previous scan that was not visible now. It was a blighted ovum. A blighted ovum or anembryonic…

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Needles, Pills & Alcohol -Oh My!

Needles, Pills & Alcohol -Oh My!

There is probably a reasonable explanation, I just don’t know what it is. Maybe you can help me? I use Walgreens as my pharmacy because it’s close and because I can pretty much do everything I need from the app. About a month ago, I was scrolling down my list of meds that I needed to refill and checked the appropriate boxes. The next day, Don picked up my prescriptions. Immediately, I saw a…

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Shim Bean

No, that’s not a typo. It’s my lil pet name for Baby. I despise the term “it” and since I don’t know if he is a him or she is a she… shim. Bean comes from all the baby books that tell me “baby is the size of a jelly bean. Now the size of a kidney bean…” Shim and I went to the Endocrinologist this morning. My A1c was up a little from the last time which didn’t surprise me. I’d given up hope at one…

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