No1worthknowing @workinhigh - Tumblr Blog

Yeah i'm still alive. Well kinda

Anyways

Work is still shity, i still don't want to wake up most days.

My moms bday just pasted, an that was a really rough day to deal with.

I honestly don't know how long i have been on tumblr, more then a few years now. For the last few days i haven't been able to see amyones pix, or videos or gifs. I can still read peoples text, but can't see anything else.

But not like anyone cares or goin to read this. Oooooh welllll.

This time of year just gets harder an harder each year now that my mom an dad are both gone. I miss them both so much. An i'm a lil happy that i am alone today. This way no one can see how many times i broke down today. An it's only 7:30 pm. Still got a long night ahead of me. But at least i have plenty of weed, some pain pills. So i'll be pretty high an numb the rest of the night. Also a lil happy that i don't have anyone checkin up on me to see how i am.

Wonder how much hate messages i'll get from people telling me how worthless i am or hpw they think i should kill my self

I hate ah love how much i love pain pills

So i have a few things i'd like to say.

I have been getting more an more people tellin me i should kill my self. An i'm at a point to where i just might do it. Cause i really am tired of tryin to be a good person to everyone else. Yet i get treated like shit.

Things at work aren't any better. I've told my manger a few times to fuck off for always askin me/tellin me i need to do more work. Cause he's too fuckin lazy to work. An this last time, after i told him to fuck off. I had 3 union reps 1 being the VP of our union up my ass about tellin him to fuck off.

An lastly, yeah i know this is goin to be a lil hard to understand. But i do like being alone an not having anyone check on me or see how i am doin or ask me to hang out, or just want to talk to me cause they really do like me. But it would be nice to have someone in my life.

Too bad i know no one wants me in their life. An i honestly don't know why i post.. Not like anyone likes me or cares about me..

Sittin here gettin high like always. Not sure why i am posting tonight. I know i just feel numb. An i know i'm tired of tryin tired of not being good enough. I do like not having someone to talk to. But at the same time, i do wish i had someone who does like me an eants to talk to me. Not cause they feel sorry for me.

An so others know, i don't like bars, i don't like being out in public if i don't have to be. I'd rather just be at home watchin tv or listening to music. An yes i've tried dating apps, an nothing has ever come from it.

So guess i am ment to be alone an lonely

k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9

Visit Original Link

Korn - A.D.I.D.A.S.

I honestly don't know what to do. I just know, i'm so fuckin tired of trying. It just gets harder an harder everyday i wake up. I honestly don't know how much longer i can keep doing this. I just want this to be over with already.

Soooooo

Yes i'm.high so fickin whay

I really think its timr for me to go bsck to keeepin to mysrlf. No one on here or any othet dite i'mOn like me. So really what id the fuckin poiiny in me tryin to be nice or reasch out to anyone. No onr gives a fuvk boug me so fuck it. I tried, bit it never fuvkin gooid enoughh

Friday night/saturday morning.

12:47am

I honestly wish i knew what it's like to have someone who really wants to talk to me. But i don't an never have. An it's really depressing. I have never been good enough for anyone. An now at my age, i highly doubt i'll be good enough for anyone. I have tried being nice an reaching out to people who i see going through what i have gone through. But even people who are like me, not wanting to live, not wanting to try anymore, who don't have friends. I'm still not good enough for them either.

An then there are the ones who keep telling me i bother them too much. An tell me to leave them alone. I Fucking hate my self for trying to be so nice.

Can this fucking shity game called life just fucking be over already. I'm tired of gettin my ass an my feelings an my soul beat to shit. I get it, i'm a fuckin loser, who will never be good enough for anyone.

An for all the ones thinking, oh he just has found the right 1 for him. He just needs to stop lookin an he'll find the one. Cause there is someone for everyone. I should know that's how i found my boo thing.

Well sorry to tell you the real truth. That is all bullshit. I quit lookin years ago. There are people everyday who die alone with no one by there side who loved them with all their heart an soul. An i will be one of those people who never found his true love, the one for me, my forever. An i will die alone with no one by my side.

I'm goin to go get really high an hope it works this time

filthyflyer

reblog if you're ugly as fuck.

workinhigh

I've been called ugly my whole life. So yes i am. Also a reason why i don't post any pictures of my self

It's 3 am saturday night sunday morning.

I have the up comming week off from work. Yes i really need the time off, for my head an body to relax an recover.

But at the same time, i am worried i might get just a lil too high an not wake up. Kinda like tonight. I got dust off again. An got way to high to the point of getting sick an dizzy. Something that has never happened to me before.

But at the same time. I do hope an wish i don't wake up next time. Cause i can't keep playin the game of putting on a fake smile day after day. Just to keep the questions away from (are you ok, are you doin ok, you don't look to happy what's wrong.) Hold on i need to get high!

Noddded off again.

So yeah. I'm just goiinn to getf high this weeek an whattevver happoens.

I'"m just too tired to fght it anymore.

I wish i didn't feel so unhappy an worthless

I don't like feeling like this.

Only time i feel somewhat ok-ish is when i'm so fuckin high an numb

So yeah.

It's saturday night, sunday morning almost 1 am. An sunday is my dads bday. An i really do miss him so much. It was hard growing up with him. I tried my hardest to make him proud of me. But i honestly don't know how many times i let him down. About the only good thing i did was be there with him when he took his last breath. I made him a promise when i was either a preteen or a teenager. That i wouldn't let him die alone. An it was a promise i kept.

I will be getting very high after posting this.. It just gets harder every year that they are both gone. I just want to be an feel numb. The other night on the way home from work i felt like turning hard left into the wall on the fwy. An it's not the first time i've thought about it or other ways to die. Maybe if i take enough pills i wont wake up in the morning. .

I miss you mom!

I miss you dad an happy birthday.

I love you both so much

greatpretending

Am I annoying? Yes

Do I give a fuck? Also yes I really am sorry about me all the time

workinhigh

And this right here is what goes through my head every second of every day. An it's why i go out of my way to try an not bother people. FML

Bios are there for a reason..

So if you send me a private message askin me where i live i will just assume you are NOT worth my time an more then likely you are just out to.scam me

Sorry to let you all down. But i'm still alive. An prettty fuckin high right now. Found some pills i hid.

Now i'm jist waiting for the time when i get to see my mom an dad again. I'm so numb right now. An it's the only thing i like feeling anymore. Nonsadness, nobhurt, nobpain , no lovce. Just nummmmmmmmbbbbbbbbbbb

I have misssedx feeling like this. I just don't care anymore. My mom kept tellin me that she was tired. An i didn't understand her. Guess cause i had blinders on an just wanted her to fight an get better an back to her life. But now being this numb an high an not caring anymore. I get it. Cause i'm fuckin tired, tired of working for shit pay, tired of puttin on a fake smile every day, tired of tellin oeople i'm ok, when they ask (how are you).

Im tired

As i wake up this morning. I wonder why i woke up. I wish i hadn't. I'm just so fuckin tired of tryin to be happy. I'm tired of putting on a fake smile everyday. I'm tired of people askin me how i am, an i have to lie to them. When really all i want to do is just tell them FUCK no i'm not ok, FUCK no i'm not doin good. An it gets hared an harder every day to lie to people, an to put on that fake smile. I'm at a point in my life where i just don't give a fuck anymore.

When i was a kid. I thought i would find the love of my life an spend the rest of my life with them an my kids. But now that i'm 53 an still single, an NOT good enough for any woman. I'm just a sad wirthless creepy old loser. That NO one wants around. I'm so tired of not being good enough for any woman. I'm tired of getting judged off my looks alone. Like FUCKIN yes i know i'm too ugly for you. But fuck you i have a big heart an love to much.

I honestly don't know how many times i've heard. There is someone out there for everyone. Yeah well guess what. That is all bullshit! Men an women die every day with no loved ones by their side. An i now know i will be one of those men. I knew i would never let my mom an dad die alone. An i was the only one their with them when they took their last breath. An it was the hardest thing i ever went through in my life. An i now see that all the shit i went through growing up, broken bones, 1st,2nd, an 3rd degree burns on my body only made me just tough enough to deal with that pain of being there for my mom an dad. I didn't want them to go through what i will end up going through. Dying alone with no one by my side.

I just don't want to wake up anymore. I have nothing left in this life to make me happy anymore. I know once i lose my dog. I will sprial out of control an go back to my old ways of only wanting to feel so fuckin numb, that i take my own life this time.

So really this is a FUCKIN thank you to every woman who said i was never goid enough for them. To the 1s who put me down for my looks.

FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

Sooo i fucked up.. An yes i'm high an should be asleeep. An i only got 3 hours of sleep friday. High on more then just weed. But not like it matters to anyoneb Yes i know i have a problem with painpillls.

So i know better to not try on here. An yet i did. An she is very beautiful..way too fuckin beautiful for an ugly old creepy lookin loser like me. I already know how it will end. Yet i still thought it would be different this time. But come on i know brtter. I will fuck it up some how, to the point where she will hate me an block me. So it is just better to stop talkin. Does it make me look like an aashole right now? Yes it does. But i'm goin to fuck it up at some point. So its better for her now then later..

Why am i so fuckin dimb that i can't get out of my own head to not fuck it up in the long run. But for se dumb ass reason i always fuck it up. Maybe i just need to stay off tumblr from now.

I'm sorry i always fuck everything up&

An i'm sorry if i hurt you

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