The Proud Do Not Endure

Video game sideblog No idea what I’m actually doing music posting on main: @crmsndragonwngss BTS sideblog: @thatgoddamngingerundercut pfp by @majimassqueaktoy

[woundedheartwithin]

About Me

Been meaning to do this for a while, but uh...

Hi there!  I’m Caitlin, 34, she/her, North Texan, writer, virtual photographer, etc etc etc, and this is my video game sideblog!  Likes, follows, comments, and asks will come from my main @crmsndragonwngss

I’m currently posting about RGG (Yakuza, Judgment/Lost Judgment) and by extension Kimura Takuya (Kimura stuff will now go on my BTS sideblog @thatgoddamngingerundercut except when it is directly related to video games, ie Judgment), and Ghostwire: Tokyo, but you may have followed me for Far Cry 5 (the actual reason I started this blog), Ghost of Tsushima, or Death Stranding

Notes on how I tag posts can be found here (rgg specific, full guide coming eventually)

Here are my socials: Twitter Instagram linktree  

I’m also on discord as woundedheartwithin

My creative endeavors: Print Store AO3

And here’s a handy list of tags! #my writing - fics, drabbles, excerpts, and wips #double exposure - all my double exposure edits #my screenshots - indiscriminate video game screenshot tag #virtual photography - anything vp, mine and others #my art - mostly my double exposures, but some actual art too #my gifs - gifs I’ve made with my own two little hands #tunes - anything and everything I post about music #she speaks - my ramblings #fic rex - fics I enjoyed, or that my friends have posted, or both! #pinned post - previously pinned posts

Inbox is always open, so feel free to ask or dm anytime! Random asks are welcome and encouraged, and anon is always on! ❤️

I don’t currently fill writing prompts, but if you’d like to share your ideas you can. No promises. I write for my own enjoyment, so I tend to go wherever my muse takes me. I also work a lot these days, so I often don’t have time or energy to write much. Keep that in mind when sending ideas, please!

Also, feel free to reblog anything I post!  I will never post anything that can’t be shared.  If it’s on the internet, it’s because I want people to see it!

[woundedheartwithin]

Oh my god

[gentleman-velvet]

The SAME DAY!!!!!

[woundedheartwithin]

I can't effectively describe how big Louise's presence was already around here. Like I notice she's gone, which maybe sounds strange because of course I do, but like it's the first thing I notice every single day. And it's more than just knowing she's gone, it's that the herd seems so much smaller without her in it. It's exactly what I still notice every day without Stormy. There's a hole there where she once was. And this isn't the first baby goat I've lost, raising animals is chaos and things can go wrong in an instant, but she has— still has, will always have— my heart so completely that it feels like I lost a goat that I've had for a decade instead of just a month and a half. She was a special girl indeed, and I miss her so fucking much

[woundedheartwithin]

I don't wanna work I just wanna sleep

[woundedheartwithin]

I had no intention of milking Rosie until it was time to wean Louise, at which point I would have eased all three of us into it. But the reality is, I didn't expect any of this, so I have nothing ready. I have a machine, but I haven't used it in five years and the hoses need replacing, so I have to milk by hand, which is difficult for me on a good day. But as it stands, I'm still recovering from carpal and cubital tunnel inflammation, so really this was an unpleasant experience all the way around. Rosie is a gentle and patient doe, but goats as a general rule only really have 15 minute attention spans, and once that timer in their brains goes off they're done. And a done goat is a very stubborn, rowdy, powerful animal. So because hand milking is a slow affair and I definitely didn't make it in under that 15 minute mark, it turned into a rodeo quickly. This likely would have been half a gallon of milk, but a lot of it went on the stand and I ended up calling it early, so I didn't milk her out. That's okay, it'll impact her production but it won't hurt her, and I'll milk again tonight anyway.

She's been screaming for Louise all morning and afternoon. In my heart, I have been too. I miss my little girl

[woundedheartwithin]

It's like the universe or god or whatever is just determined to keep me depressed. I lost Stormy in early February last year, my mom in May, Ollie in January this year, and now Louise in May. Like am I being punished for something? Did I do something wrong? Is it some sort of cosmic balancing act for, like... what? Buying concert tickets? Trying to make myself happy instead of letting myself wallow? Literally what do you fucking want from me???

[woundedheartwithin]

Louise died today. I don't know why. We found her when we went to feed this evening. We buried her near Stormy, because she was a part of the herd and she deserves to rest near her herd queen

She was such a sweet baby and I love her so much. I was so excited to watch her grow, to raise her kids, to share this journey with her. It's not fair

[anukfilli]

i was trying to make a meme but i fucked up the audio layering and

[therosielord]

This is exactly what trying to do normal stuff while having a depressive episode feels like

[woundedheartwithin]

What I'm referencing in the tags of that poll I just reblogged because it's important to me lmfao

[woundedheartwithin]

What I'm referencing in the tags of that poll I just reblogged because it's important to me lmfao

[apolladay]

What do you prefer your house thermostat set at, in degrees Celcius?

64 or lower

65-67

68-69

70-72

73 or higher

No preference

What do you prefer your house thermostat set at, in degrees Celcius?

64 or lower

65-67

68-69

70-72

73 or higher

No preference

Voting ended onJun 2

[woundedheartwithin]

I've become fully obsessed with my garden, y'all. Like I learned how to work with my adhd instead of against it, found a garden planner for my region that is actually easy to use, and now I am OBSESSED with these fucking tomato plants lmfao

[woundedheartwithin]

How's the chickens doing?

They're doing well! Here they are this morning enjoying the sunshine!

The kids moved over to the big coop with the older girls, and there was some jostling in the pecking order at first, hence some of the ouchies on some of their combs, but they've settled and are getting along well. The granny bird mothers everybody so the kids like her a lot, which is funny cuz they used to be terrified of her (for good reason, she's nine and she demands respect). They all try to roost as close as possible to her, so there's like seven birds on one roosting bar every night lmao

I realize it might look small in their run, but I promise you they have more than enough space, and they get free range time most afternoons (which will increase once the geese are here and are old enough to free range themselves; there was a delay with the geese, so the new hatch and ship date on them is June 8th)

The babies are "teenagers" now and are fully feathered, so they moved out yesterday and are now in the kids' coop, which is actually the grow out coop. They were very confused last night and were standing out in their run in the semi-dark distress peeping at me as I fed the horses lmao, so I had to go in there and physically put them in their coop myself. They all slept in one nesting box all night, and all the pullets pushed the little cockerel to the front like, "you're the boy, so you get eaten first" lmao. My dad feeds in the mornings on the weekends for me, and when he opened the coop door, they didn't come out right away lol. They're fine, obviously, just very confused 😂 they'll get the hang of it, though, so don't worry!

Anyway, how handsome is that little Ameraucana cockerel???? He's exactly what I wanted and he's gonna be a gorgeous rooster. I don't think he'll have an issue with my lil Barnevelder dude, cuz that lil dude is soooo not assertive lol, so I doubt there'll be any competition. There's also plenty of hens to keep two roosters comfortably busy, and I've kept multiple roosters in the past with no issue. People think that there are rigid rules when it comes to this kind of stuff, that you can't keep boys together cuz they'll fight without exception, but the truth is a boy chicken is still a chicken, and he's not in charge anyway. There's always a dominate hen who actually leads the flock, and girls don't take any bullshit, especially not from the menfolk. The rooster's job is to protect the flock and service the hens. That's it, and any fighting amongst the guys is always related to these two things. All the important shit—like deciding hierarchy and leading the flock to food, water, and shelter— goes to the girls, and the granny bird is an exceptional matriarch

That said, even if they surprise me and there is competition, I don't think the granny bird would tolerate it. My lil dude is also much older than the Ameraucana dude, and I plan to introduce the babies to the flock in a few weeks, so he'll have no problem putting the baby in his place. AND if there's STILL a problem, I'll just keep the flock split between them and alternate free range days.

Anyway, I did not mean for this to turn into a lesson on animal husbandry lol, sorry about that. Roosters get a bad rap (just like buck goats do, I once had someone tell me to never turn my back on my herdsire 🙄😂), but a chicken is a chicken (and a goat is a goat) and I always jump at the opportunity to express that lol

TLDR: birds are doing good, thank you for asking about them! ❤️❤️

[woundedheartwithin]

But why?

[woundedheartwithin]

I guess they got hot lol

[woundedheartwithin]

I guess they can't decide which nesting box they all collectively like best?

[woundedheartwithin]

Wedged

[woundedheartwithin]

Y'all look at my stupid ass tan lines lmfao

Also this fuckin old lady pic with just the grass in focus 😂😂😂