* WRAITH QUEEN

❝ the problem was that the creatures who had managed to survive the city he’d made were a new kind of misery entirely — brekker, his WRAITH QUEEN, his rotten little court of thugs. a fearless breed, hard-eyed and feral, hungrier for vengeance than for gold. ❞

[wqemzz-blog]

Imagine having to babysit Kaz all day no wonder they need a nap

[wraithqveen-a]

inej threatening pekka’s child is the most empty threat ever because she would not, in fact, hurt a child to get to his father regardless of who his father is

inej threatening to cut out pekka’s heart, on the other hand...

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐱 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  enemies  to  lovers?  slow  burns?  say  no  more.  various  sentence  starters  for  all  your  hero  x  villain  ship  needs.  )

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

❛ you can’t do this for me. i won’t let you. ❜

❛ it’s not for you. it’s not a favor. it’s the cruelest thing i could do. ❜

❛ i warn you. i’ll break your heart. ❜

❛ i know you better than you know yourself. ❜

❛ i’m replaceable. you’re not. ❜

❛ i hope to be the one you break your rules for. ❜

❛ why am i so fascinated by you? ❜

❛ when i watch the world burn, all i think about is you. ❜

❛ your hands are scarred from murder, and yet i trust them completely. ❜

❛ whatever you do. you’re still my family. ❜

❛ we could be the greatest team the world has ever seen. ❜

❛ how many times are we going to keep meeting like this? ❜

❛ i just wish i could protect you from everything. ❜

❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜

❛ sleep. i’ll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you. ❜

❛ you know, they’re going to use the things you love against you. ❜

❛ truth is, i didn’t expect to get this attached to you. ❜

❛ you frustrate me incredibly. ❜

❛ love me like my demons do. ❜

❛ thinking of you is a poison i drink often. ❜

❛ please don’t make me do this. ❜

❛ don’t do anything stupid until i get back. ❜

❛ you protect what you love. ❜

❛ my heart scares you and a gun doesn’t? ❜

❛ you bandaged my wound with one hand, and held a knife in the other. ❜

❛ you save everyone, but who saves you? ❜

❛ you kill me and you accomplish nothing. your world as you know it will end. ❜

❛ all we do together is make love or fight. ❜

❛ i love the way your eyes light up when someone says ‘it might be dangerous’. ❜

❛ when is a monster not a monster? when you love it. ❜

❛ it’s pathetic really, how much i hope it’s me and you in the end. ❜

❛ you were right. you break everything you touch. ❜

❛ i would destroy myself to fix you. ❜

❛ i’m not going to kill you. you don’t deserve that. ❜

❛ that’s how you want me, isn’t it? desperate, jealous, and willing to kill for you. ❜

❛ i’m sorry you’re afraid of being alone. ❜

❛ they made you into a weapon, and told you to find peace. ❜

❛ i wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and i’m sorry. ❜

❛ ‘all right’ is not a term anyone would use to describe you. ❜

❛ just like old times, huh? ❜

❛ then we fight. together. ❜

❛ oh, i’ve missed this! ❜

❛ i know you. you’re me. ❜

❛ i’ve seen who you are under the mask. ❜

❛ i should kill you. why can’t i kill you?! ❜

❛ i don’t know what i’d do if they hurt you. and that terrifies me. ❜

❛ the world doesn’t need someone like you. the world needs you. ❜

❛ bullet wounds don’t just miraculously heal overnight. ❜

❛ you were fighting to survive. i was fighting to win. ❜

❛ i wasn’t a person to you, i was a weapon, and you needed me to work. ❜

❛ you’re pulling your punches. ❜

❛ i wish things were different between us. ❜

❛ don’t scare me like that. i thought i lost you. ❜

❛ don’t you die on me. ❜

❛ you’re so bad at this. it’s cute. ❜

❛ they don’t know you like i know you. ❜

❛ i broke my rules for you. doesn’t that mean anything? ❜

❛ do you think i’d let anything happen to you? ❜

❛ if i told you about the darkness within me, would you still look at me as you are right now? ❜

[leneemusing]

SOFT(ish) ANGST PROMPTS

“  i thought you were gone.  for good. ”

“  you left and—  i thought you weren’t coming back.  ”

“  i miss you.  i know i’m not supposed to,  but.  i just had to see you.  ”  

“  please don’t scare me like that again.  i can take a lot of things,  but not losing you.  ”

“  i can’t even take the very thought of you getting hurt.  ”

“  you could’ve gotten yourself killed! you could’ve— fuck!  you scared the shit outta me.  ” 

“  yes.  i am telling you what to do.  i’m telling you not to pull something like that again because—  ‘cause fucking hell.  i care about you.  okay? ”  

“  i found myself driving home and then.  well i was on my way here.  ‘cause i guess…you’re still my home.  ” 

“  please,  tell me why you’re upset.  tell me who did this?  ”

“  you don’t have to come over here and take care of me you know.  i can clean up my own messes.  ”

“  don’t talk.  just get the fuck over here and hold me.  ”

“  loving you is like having my heart just out in the world.  outside of my body walking around.  every time i see you hurting,  it kills me.  ”

“  i made you cry.  and i hate myself for that.  i swore i wouldn’t be one of the people who left you hurting.  ”

“  you really hurt me this time.  but i want to let go of that.  i really do want to forgive you i’m just scared you’ll hurt me again.  ”

“  i know you’re mad at me right now,  but i’m the one who’s here.  let me be here.  let me help.  you can be angry later.  ”

“  i’m here now.  i know i wasn’t before.  but i should’ve been.  and i’m not going anywhere.  i’m not gonna let that happen again.  ”

“  it’s time to come home now.  ”

“  that’s enough.  you’ve got your revenge.  let’s go.  ”

“  i know you’re hurting.  and i can’t fix that.  but i can refuse to let you hurt alone.  ”

“  i’m never letting go of you.  i missed you so fucking much.  ”

“  look at me,  you’re safe.  and you’re not alone.  and i’ll never let you be alone again.  you understand?  ”

“  i broke my promise to you once.  i’ll never do it again.  ”

“  i don’t need you to go white knighting and fix all this.  i just want you here.  with me.  that will make me feel better.  ”

“  just stay still and let me hold you.  ”

“  you don’t have to hide your tears.  let it out.  then we’ll move on,  together.  ”

“  i just.  needed to talk to you ‘cause.  somehow you always know what to say.  ”

“  don’t bury your feelings.  sadness.  hurt.  rage.  feel it.  acknowledge it so you can decide what you want to do with it.  not what it will do to you.  ”

“  i miss your smile.  and not that sad one you try to fool everyone with.  the real one.  the one you used to show me.  ”

“  come here.  i’m taking care of you tonight.  and you’re gonna let me.  ”  

1) our muses reunite after sender thought receiver was dead. 

2) our muses reunite after receiver thought sender was dead. 

3) sender shows up at receiver’s house drunk after they’ve broken up. 

4) receiver shows up at sender’s house drunk after they’ve broken up. 

5) our muses are on bad terms but reunite after one of them nearly dies. 

6) sender finds receiver crying and approaches,  clearing the tears with their hands while demanding to know what happened. 

7) receiver finds sender crying and approaches,  clearing the tears with their hands while demanding to know what happened. 

8) our muses haven’t been speaking,  but sender rushes to take care of receiver after they’ve been injured or fell ill. 

9) our muses haven’t been speaking,  but receiver rushes to take care of sender after they’ve been injured or fell ill. 

10) sender hurt receiver in some way,  which led to receiver doing something reckless and sender shows up to stop them/or deal with the aftermath. 

11) receiver hurt sender in some way,  which led to sender doing something reckless and receiver shows up to stop them/or deal with the aftermath.

12) our muses are in a fight,  but cuddle anyway because they don’t like sleeping alone. 

13) receiver wakes sender from a nightmare. 

14) sender wakes receiver from a nightmare. 

15) sender wakes up in the hospital and finds receiver at their side,  who is in the same clothes as the day they were admitted because they’ve refused to leave their side. 

16) receiver wakes up in the hospital and finds sender at their side,  who is in the same clothes as the day they were admitted because they’ve refused to leave their side. 

17) our muses are currently on the outs,  but receiver goes through something traumatic and sender pushes past their friends to get to them. 

18) our muses are currently on the outs,  but sender goes through something traumatic and receiver pushes past their friends to get to them. 

[lunarscaled-deactivated20230416]

RELATIONSHIP TYPES

Send one or more emojis ( + descriptions ) for the kind of ship/dynamic you’d like to write with my muse! ( for multimuses, please specify. )

ROMANTIC

❤️ committed, romantic relationship 💘 friends to lovers 💔 used to be together but broke up ❣️ skinny love 💗 slow burn 💌 one muse has a crush on the other muse 💕 mutual pining 💝 romantic relationship of convenience 🏫 highschool sweethearts 💒 arranged relationship ( dating, engagement, political, etc. ) 💋 one-sided romantic relationship ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 🖤  lovers to enemies 🤍 enemies to lovers

SEXUAL

💖 a sexual relationship that could turn romantic 🧡 friends with benefits 👄 a sexual, non-romantic relationship 🏩 sexual relationship of convenience 🔥 unresolved sexual tension 💟 developing sexual relationship ( may include romance ) 💞 one muse approaches the other out of convenience ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 🔪 enemies with sexual tension

FAMILIAL

👪 biological family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 adopted family 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 family by choice/found family 👩‍👧 older/younger siblings 👭  twins 👥 cousins or extended family 👣 estranged family/feuding family 👨‍🏫 one muse is a teacher/mentor for the other muse ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 🚸 coworkers like family 🟡 family out of circumstance ⚪ pretending to be family

PLATONIC

💜 friendship 💙 queerplatonic partners ( an intimate, non-romantic committed relationship ) 💚 friends like siblings 💛 childhood friends 💧 friends due to traumatic experiences 🤝 coworkers ⛔ reluctant friends ✅ enemies to friends 🌈 developing friendship ☀️ friends of circumstance 👔 strangers working together ☕ one muse works in service of the other ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 🕴 partners in illegal activities 👯partners in crime trope ⚡ sparring partners 🩹 friends forced to work against each other 🟥 one muse makes a deal or contract with the other ( magic or non-magic. ) ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver )

ENEMIES

🦴 mortal enemies 💀 enemies ⚔️ rivalry  🗡️ one-sided rivalry/grudge ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 🧠 enemies as narrative foils 💬 enemies because of conflicting ideologies 🤫 one muse is secretly an enemy/traitor to the other muse ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) 😨 one muse is using the other muse for their benefit ( specify which muse, Sender or Receiver ) ❌ guilty by association 🚫 friends to enemies 🪓 occupational enemies 🩸 enemies tolerating each other for a common goal ⚫ enemies using each other out of convenience ⬜ coworkers who hate each other

[wraithqveen-a]

I am once again thinking about Jesper and Inej's friendship

[wraithqveen-archive]

There was a Suli saying: The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true. Her father had liked to recite this when she was training on the wire or the swings. Be decisive, he’d say. You have to know where you want to go before you get there. Her mother had laughed at this. That’s not what that means, she’d say. You take the romance out of everything. He hadn’t, though. Her father had adored her mother. Inej remembered him leaving little bouquets of wild geraniums for her mother to find everywhere, in the cupboards, the camp cookpots, the sleeves of her costumes.

Shall I tell you the secret of true love? her father once asked her. A friend of mine liked to tell me that women love flowers. He had many flirtations, but he never found a wife. Do you know why? Because women may love flowers, but only one woman loves the scent of gardenias in late summer that remind her of her grandmother’s porch. Only one woman loves apple blossoms in a blue cup. Only one woman loves wild geraniums.

That’s Mama! Inej had cried. 

Yes, Mama loves wild geraniums because no other flower has quite the same color, and she claims that when she snaps the stem and puts a sprig behind her ear, the whole world smells like summer. Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you’ll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won’t matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

I am still thinking about her parents so I was specifically looking for quotes related to her mom today and ended up stumbling on this again and I know we all love the ‘many boys will bring you flowers[…]’ bit but like I’d just like to point out her parents set very high romance standards? sure, there’s all of that about her dad teaching her to only give her heart to someone who actually knew and loved her, but beyond that there’s the actual reality of what she grew up seeing. the way he’s not just saying those things, but she grew up seeing them openly be affectionate to each other and showed that in every possible way, every day even in the little things like leaving her favorite flowers to be found everywhere.

and of course, what she lived and ketterdam in general made inej less of a romantic but she appreciates romance ok. and honestly not even just in a sense of experiencing it, but like. she likes to see people in love. it makes her happy to see people in love and being able to show it in the sweetest way possible. she’s happy for them and never the person who’s annoyed about it in anyway tbh, and this is specially true after ketterdam because it’s not something everyone gets to have and she knows it. 

[thoughtkick]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It

[wraithqveen-a]

I was playing fort.nite and I was just thinking about captain ghafa fighting with swords bc pirate but also dual wielding bc she can and these are pretty and inej should have them

[wraithqveen-a]

❝ The problem was that the creatures who had managed to survive the city he’d made were a new kind of misery entirely — Brekker, his WRAITH QUEEN, his rotten little court of thugs. A fearless breed, hard-eyed and feral, hungrier for vengeance than for gold. ❞

independent INEJ GHAFA from leigh bardugo’s grishaverse, sideblog to warwaged loved by mel

[wraithqveen-archive]

‘ you are not broken . ’ / from mom

𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔  𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔.

@heartales

There had once been a little girl, ready to defy heights, eager to find in herself the glimpse of wings. Inej had wanted to defeat fear, to dare what others wouldn’t, to face obstacles she needed not face, all because she chose to. 

She had wanted to be fearless. 

Her father’s lessons on the foolishness of not understanding the importance of fear would not be understood until much later. By then, she wasn’t so little, and the obstacles she had to face were no longer of the chosen sort. These trials did not come with the feeling of victory; they demanded pieces of her to be completed. 

Innocence had been first, but far from the only thing taken. But there were other deaths, all her own, done by her own hands. Parts of her she had had to kill to stay alive. Parts of her she had mourned, but that would never be her again.

Death became commonplace enough she no longer shed tears for it, even when the blood stained her hands. Her heart was no longer whole, no longer good, not like it had been before. And then there were the simple things --- or things that were meant to be simple but were not, not for her, not anymore. Is it not being broken, her inability to let other people get close without her body reacting to it in panic? Is it not being broken, the way she still needs to keep her distance from all but the closest to her heart? Is it not being broken, that at seventeen she cannot even consider being kissed without being taken over by anxiety that has nothing to do with anticipation?

Inej refuses to let her past take her future from her. She will not allow it, even if she has to fight her entire life. But isn’t the fighting proof of it, too? Normal people --- people who are whole --- don’t need to face such struggles. They are for the broken like herself

She won’t understand, the thought is hurtful, though she cannot help but feel it is true. Her mother is the sun; bright and beautiful and full of life. Her mother is whole, unmarked in a way Inej herself won’t ever be, not anymore. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

“The first time one of my friends in Ketterdam tried to hug me, I flinched.” Nina had meant no harm, of course; even then, Inej had already loved her, but the reaction had been involuntary. It had gotten easier, since then, but the memory stayed. It hurt, to be forced to avoid someone dear to her. It still hurt, even if she and Nina had hugged plenty since then. There is no lack of confidence in question that follows, chin held high and a challenge to the question that is not purposeful, but that cannot be avoided. Her eyes search her mother’s face, attentive to her reaction. “How is that not being broken?”

[heartales-a-deactivated20211230]

deathless sentence meme    /    accepting.  @wraithqveen​ sent    :     I have survived, but I have not been spared.

rajani’s hands still at her daughter’s words,  and after a moment she takes the pan off of the fire,  deciding that the skillet bread can wait.  she turns towards inej then,  now and always her beloved child,  but not the same little girl she was the last time they made dinner together.  she speaks of what happened to her only in broad strokes  —  rajani suspects she can bear no more than that  —,  and this is perhaps the most open she’s ever been since their reunion on the haven.  there is flour on her hands,  but she does not wipe it off,  instead rushing to close the distance between them and cup inej’s face in her hands,  stroke her cheek.  so much has changed,  but this one gesture of comfort from a mother to a daughter remains the same.  perhaps she ought to take heart in that,  but how can she,  when she does not know what to say?  she would have,  before:  her daughter’s troubles were the troubles of any young girl then,  and as her mother rajani always knew what to say.  but now  …  now,  she has been sold into slavery,  forced to do saints know what for her freedom and her survival,  undergone pain and trials that rajani cannot even begin to imagine.  i have not been spared.  what can she,  mother or not,  possibly say to that?  i wish you had been,  she thinks,  but even in her mind it sounds almost cruel.  she is certain that inej wishes the same:  rajani has seen the shame in her eyes,  though she tries to hide it.  wishing things were different does nothing to help her.

so instead of saying anything she takes her daughter’s hand in hers and draws her to the fallen log beside which they’ve made their campfire,  sitting down and pulling inej along with her.  her arm comes to rest around her daughter’s shoulder,  drawing her closer still.  she’d meant for inej’s head to lay on her shoulder,  but she is not surprised when the girl shifts and lies down,  head on her lap.  she is not surprised,  and yet a lump lodges itself in her throat.  she swallows,  blinks back the tears that burn her eyes.  weeping does nothing to help her daughter,  either.  she wipes her hands on the side of her dress before burying her fingers in inej’s hair,  so like her own.

“  most of the caravan didn’t think you’d survived,  ”  she says at last,  staring at her daughter’s beautiful face and thanking every saint there ever was for the gift of seeing it again.  tears blur her sight once more.  she lifts a hand to wipe at her eyes,  her other remaining in inej’s tresses,  stroking them with infinite tenderness.  “  your father and i  …  we never gave up hope.  never stopped searching for some sign of you,  anywhere we went.  ”  she pauses,  her breath hitching in her throat.  “  i don’t know what you’ve gone through.  i don’t know how to help with your pain.  and i am terribly sorry that you weren’t spared.  ”  that i couldn’t save you,  she adds silently.  inej doesn’t need to know about her guilt.  that i couldn’t have been taken in your place.  when she goes on,  her voice is very soft.  “  but,  inej  …  i am glad that you are alive,  that you have been returned to us.  and i don’t care what you had to do to survive.  maybe someday you’ll tell me,  but i can tell you now:  it won’t matter to me.  there is no need for shame.  ”  her daughter’s head snaps up  and rajani smiles a small smile,  gently pressing her back down.  “  you thought i couldn’t tell?  i am your mother,  inej.  mothers know such things even if you try to hide them.  ”  she untangles her fingers from her daughter’s hair to place them on her cheek.

“  there is no need for guilt,  either,  ”  rajani goes on,  as though she’d never stopped.  “  whatever you’ve done  …  i would tell you that there is nothing to forgive,  but i think you wouldn’t believe me.  so i’ll tell you this:  i forgive you,  meja.  and i love you more than anything.  ”

[wraithqveen-archive]

inej’s knife collection is composed of:

Sankt Petyr and Sankta Alina – bone-handled blades kept sheathed on her forearms. Sankt Petyr is kept on the right, and it was the first knife she got.

Sankta Marya and Sankta Anastasia – knives strapped to her thighs. 

Sankt Vladimir – the one kept hidden in her boot. 

Sankta Lizabeta – a blade etched in a pattern of roses, kept in her belt.

she has other blades, but they’re the disposable ones she can leave behind so they’re not important like these.

[wraithqveen-archive]

hi today my only thought has been about inej reuniting with her parents and how infinitely happy all of them would be to be together 

but then I also started thinking about the fact they haven’t seen her since she was fourteen. and the fact one day she was just. gone. maybe someone heard her scream before they gagged her, but everyone was too far to try to do anything. when they get back, she’s gone. they could try looking, but they are suli. they wouldn’t have help, and if they even learned she was taken to a ship at all, they wouldn’t be able to follow or even learn where it went. 

for a group as closely tied as the suli caravans are, having one of them taken was probably a hard blow to everyone, not just inej’s parents. because she thinks of them – the uncle who told her stories, the older cousins that admired her bravery on the high wire, but I was thinking they must have felt her absence too. maybe they stay longer than they should where the camp was when she was taken, be it in the effort of searching or the hope she’ll find her way back. eventually, though, they have to move on.

in more than one sense, too. maybe some of them accept she is gone, maybe dead, and won’t return. whenever inej thinks of her family, it’s clear she was closest to her father. it’s his teachings she takes to heart, it’s him she thinks of when she nearly dies at the docks. and at least the way she remembers him, he always seems patient and calm and wise and I feel he’d be the one who never gives up. he’d always believe they’d be together again.

the fact they were found by ravkans, allowed themselves to be identified and agreed to board a ship to kerch supports my theory her parents never lost hope they’d find her… any of this could be a lie, they didn’t really have proof she’d be in ketterdam but they went anyway. and they are reunited! and inej is so absurdly happy to be with them again the moment they are reunited she doesn’t even think about the fact it’s been years, or that she’s changed, or that she’s suffered and done things she doesn’t even know how to speak of. all of those worries – worries she’s considered before – disappear in a moment of impossible happiness.

she never lost hope to see them again, either, but it was a distant hope. she was fully aware it wouldn’t be easy to find them. and she never expected for it to not take a long maybe impossible search. most of all, she didn’t expect it to happen how or when it did. it’s enough to make the worries irrelevant then. but of course, given time they return. and I feel… none of them really know how to deal with all the changes at first. inej is a very different person, and that’d be pretty obvious for them too I think. but she’s still their daughter, and she still loves them infinitely, and they love her too. I feel they’d be concerned and want to know what happened, but specially at first she would only be able to tell it in very broad strokes, and even then, not everything. given time for them to grow closer again and learn to navigate the whole situation better, she might tell more – but I also feel her parents wouldn’t pressure her to speak of it before she was ready to. 

interestingly enough, in my head I picture them being really as comprehensive as humanly possible because they’re just glad to have inej back and it’s still inej and they love her no matter what so there’s not. any real disagreement or judgment or anything like that going on, and then eventually you get to the fact she doesn’t intend to go back to the caravan anymore and will go to the sea instead and at this point I feel there’d be? Issues™. because I feel they entirely believed she was going home with them and she isn’t. not to stay at least. she would want to go back with them to reunite with her caravan again, but it wouldn’t be permanent, and I feel that’d make them upset aksdnfkasdnf

[wraithqveen-archive]

I mentioned here inej’s first language is suli, that she’s fluent in ravkan as well, and that she learned kerch only upon being brought to ketterdam. when it comes to reading and writing in kerch, she didn’t even begun learning until she was out of the menagerie, as her conversation with kaz about the contract makes clear

“This is why you bought me?” 

The humor vanished from his face. “Per Haskell didn’t buy you. He paid off your indenture. That means you owe him money. A lot of it. But it’s a real contract. Here,” he said, removing Heleen’s document from his coat. “I want you to see something.” 

“I don’t read Kerch.”

“It doesn’t matter. See these numbers? This is the price Heleen claims you borrowed from her for transport from Ravka. This is the money you’ve earned in her employ. And this is what you still owe her.” 

“But … but that’s not possible. It’s more now than when I got here.” 

“That’s right. She charged you for room, board, grooming.” 

“She bought me,” Inej said, her anger rising despite herself. “I couldn’t even read what I was signing.”

given her job as a spy, she had to learn it to do her job well. it’s one of the many things she would have had to learn after leaving the menagerie, because although she already had useful skills she picked up training to be an acrobat her whole life, it’s explicitly stated other things, from stealing to using a knife, she had to learn from kaz (and practice, of course)

Kaz had taught her to crack a safe, pick a pocket, wield a knife.

not knowing written kerch was something that kept her captive as much as not being able to wield a knife to defend herself. as he shows her in the contract, slavery isn’t legal in kerch, so what heleen does is keep girls trapped in debt most of them (if not all) likely can’t even understand because the menagerie specifically buys girls from other countries. not knowing what is happening is despairing, and it’s one more tactic of control employed by heleen. she made girls rely on her because she left them no other choice. learning the language and learning to read it is also an important part of everything inej learned after being free from her, and it’s one more important thing in regaining agency. her fighting skills are definitely important, but communication and knowledge also matter a lot.

[wraithqveen-archive]

inej obviously speaks suli, as it is the language of her people and her family. as the primary language she grew up with, suli is her first language, but she learned ravkan from a young age as well. from what she mentions or recalls in the books, she knows the paths her people travel often take them beyond ravka, but it seems they didn’t while inej was growing up (or did when she was too young to remember). regardless, because they have to deal with people from the country occasionally, it’s probably common for them to learn the languages of the places they stay long in, hence she learned ravkan. she only learned kerch after being brought to ketterdam. although she learned fast (as she is prone to doing), she learned it much older, since she was brought to the city at fourteen, so she still has an accent. not heavy, but it’s there. 

[wraithqveen-archive]

inej loves her family, and she was extremely happy to be reunited with them. she loves them, and she loved living with her people before, but she can’t go back to that. because at the end of the day, forgetting what she suffered isn’t the path inej is on – on the contrary, she tries to find purpose in it and lets it fuel her desire to fight so other people won’t have to live through what she lived. 

maybe if she sought to forget, even if she couldn’t, she’d think going back to something akin to what her life was before would be possible. as it is, inej doesn’t even entertain the idea. it’s not who she is anymore, and it’s not who she wants to be.

she chose not to let go of ketterdam, and instead strive to make it better. she doesn’t want a quiet life raising a family, she wants to fight half a city in order to stand for people no one is standing for. she never enjoyed hurting others, but neither does she hesitate on that front anymore. she might not be trying to fool people and make schemes to make money, but inej isn’t really avoiding breaking the law either. how do you set all this aside for a normal life? she can’t really do that, but most importantly, she doesn’t want to do that. 

she had her freedom and a lot more taken from her, and yes, it made her edges sharper, it made her harder, it made her dangerous, but a lot of her journey particularly in ck imo is accepting that – the ferocity, the violence, the deception – is part of who she became. but even when she accepts that, even when she employs what she learned on the streets, even when she changes the game because she can’t beat the odds, even when she threatens to cut out a man’s heart, she refuses to change her values and her heart. unlike kaz, she refuses to let ketterdam take that from her. so instead she chose to use this, what she learned, what she became, to fight for others.

even so, no matter how good her goals, or her heart, it doesn’t change she can’t go back to a normal, quiet life. and she’d probably be pretty miserable were she to try living like that anyway, specially if she had to be around people who don’t know about the trauma she’s been through, who would not understand what she had to do to survive.

this post was brought to you by this quote specifically: 

So he wasn’t fit for a normal life. Was she meant to find a kindhearted husband, have his children, then sharpen her knives after they’d gone to sleep? How would she explain the nightmares she still had from the Menagerie? Or the blood on her hands?