let's go elsewhere.

[everythingfox]

Arctic fox at a glacial river

Benjamin Hardman

[writeallnight]

idolization

Voices and those same sounds don't matter much now. Something changed. You've become a different man. I hear you like it's one-on-one. I listen 'cause I understand. You're screaming to a room of people who will all scream back. I feel like I know you, or at least like I used to. Your face is everywhere in bold colours each time. You know how to play it. Said you never would but I've heard you praying. Two thousand selfish gods have passed you now and one remains. Never thought I'd hear that song again. Speak to me like you know my name.

[writeallnight]

she's any kind of hero

Sleepy one with backwards hair and ripped clothes walks home alone Stumbles on the uneven sidewalk more than once on that voyage with no graceful gaunt, awkward and all limbs Ignores every person there is to avoid on that kind of street Doesn't take no shit from anyone But is also afraid of so many things Raised a fighter...on the inside at least, ripping and screaming and manic against the injustices of the world Outwards, quiet and consumed Just trying to make it home

[writeallnight]

A bittersweet drunken eve Said you’re not doing too bad, yourself? Not bad at all, you stutter, planning ways home That won’t get you up in a gutter Said I’m all right, I’ll be fine, And you put it all on the line For an option that just doesn’t seem right But the night drips deep and only few sleep It’s that stretching, sinking summer That calls folks home at two in the morn Said it’s all good, what gets me home Is what gets me up, feeling something torn Singing praise til we're reborn Just another sovereign life's Cut it out til blood eyes Preaching forgotten verse Let it be melody Sing that song in the sun Tears then peace; joy's not won

A last goal A final song

[writeallnight]

TRY

unstrum break down. want to take it back but they won’t give refunds only store credit and you don’t play any other instruments try writing for a nice change of pace wrinkle the paper with sweaty fingers used to be embarrassed of holding hands “i can’t even hold onto you” try reminiscing here are the people you have felt the most pain from what nice memories let’s get out of here listen for a second. the happiest sound is some ducks quacking nearby nothing can really top that right now pick up the guitar and sing with the ducks play a chord wrong make adjustments play a chord “quack, quack, quack” you’re doing just fine

[writeallnight]

NEW

🌹

Each breath is released shakily. A long shiver wrecks his nerves for a few moments. He quakes. It’s colder than fuck and it’s snowing. Happy new year! Have some new tears and old fears. Take your medication like a good boy and you’ll feel better. That is what they say and is what I have learned to repeat. I take mine like a good girl and I can keep my composure a very decent amount of the time. I am a good girl. 21, so young; like the terrible twos except swearing and sex and rats being my babies. I am a good girl. Nobody tells me so. Vain and beautiful and not one surprise! Sounds like fire somewhere in the east end.

Be humble. Give if you can. Ask when in need. Be understanding. The world is an adventure. There is promise everywhere with dedication and patience. Show love more in your actions than words. You are strong.

[writeallnight]

LAMB

This is The Real World, where people just like you and I live: alone, overwhelmed, and combusting over and over like great stars, and also like little sparks. I see a black field with pinpricks of light and a glowing horizon. I see a dance of dark matter just below the surface.

And fuck, suddenly there’s a huge dark wave towering over me and…I’m engulfed. I shrink a little bit in the skin of my human body and shut down.

The good noises are irritating ones now. Turn that shit down.

“Do better.”

Wait! No! Please, help me! It’s so…I’m…tired………..

“Destroy the human skin.”

I will not.

Folding in on myself, compressing and collapsing, I fall into the altered, crushed-down state I’m already used to.

I can’t go back…I can’t be that person anymore. I will not live consumed by fear. I will carve my own way.

There’s not much else to say.

You just keep fucking up.

The Real World is a lamp, and I can throw it at the walls of the place I live. Fists are good for fighting.

Violent, disgusting, faulty creature. Arrogant. Utterly weak. All around you now is the dark and still you sing to it. Resistance will be met with severe force. You will fail as you always do.

Midnight slams the butt of its pistol into your right cheekbone. Maybe you felt something crunch. Shit, don’t move.

Fuck. Hurts. Is this real? This is just some…dream, right? Or an old movie I’m remembering wrong? My head’s pounding. Pounding.

I hope with all of my being it’s not real. I can’t face it.

I need to rest.

[writeallnight]

SCREE

Is that the biggest pterodactyl you can find? Climb on board, she said. Gallop into my stomach because I actually want to eat you! They laughed and danced and rattled the bars of their no-good POS cage. What they were doing up so late that night is beyond me. There's a reason in all things, mostly. Some things have a horrible reason or purpose but we deal. Gum's sticking to my back, this wallpaper is peeling, I want to paint it all raspberry rouge! Get the raspberries and smear em all over the wall. Lick the wall later. Taste the colour raspberry.

[writeallnight]

I'm in this spectacular state and there is happiness and challenge and hope everywhere I look. It is night and I am sleepy but I feel very pleased. My wisdom teeth are showing Will I find wisdom between the cracks? Sleep soon and forget for a while Let music take me somewhere different and even more alive but also soothing Good night. I love you.

[writeallnight]

Morning flashes its peepers at the Night Sky, says, "let's change this up a bit, you feel me?" Night Sky dances wild with the morning. Fiery red burns throughout the stratosphere. Alive! Together! Grammar Whiz falls under a bridge, fractures his spine and dies crying. Heavy, dark rain puts out the fires and nobody wants to go out in the rain so early in the morning. Grammar Whiz grows cold. Night Sky has seen too many things. Night Sky departs and Morning mourns.

[writeallnight]

THE AFTERMATH

Seven fifty-seven makes itself known My feet wouldn't stop wanting to jump around I was restless and now I am just resting Every day I cocoon myself in wait Waiting for something bigger and better to come along Waiting for my life to change Tiptoeing through the seasons is a thing of the past Crawling through the days won't get me anywhere I need to live now I want to feel something wonderful that will alter everything in a good way And after that who knows where I will go My muscles tense, straining under my skin Feeling tight and strung out away Surrounding myself with people I never saw in such light We are pushing eight AM When the world starts to wake up There is life in homes and coffee brewing Caffeine can't help me now But routines bring tranquility and a sense of safety I'm waking up in a different sort of way There are always things to be done but no one to do them Stay sitting or stand still Down at your feet is something worthy of your attention I'm observant more than anything, aren't I? Store away the important data to obtain the life essence of all good happenings Remember every damn detail And work myself up with repetition Who says you're safe? Who says you don't shame yourself anymore? You don't let yourself live happily enough You're keeping something important close to your heart There's a priority we can't put words on Numbers we can't add up Shoelaces that keep tripping us Stop tripping up Stand up Things will change or we'll make them Valuables will break but we'll save them Glue together what you let shatter Just step back and remember that pure thing We live for it We destroy for it And we just want to rebuild or sit in the mess and reminisce Don't go past your limits If you don't know what your limits are Live dangerously by dancing around the truth Find distractions Be distracted And then search for clarity in the aftermath of your decisions

[writeallnight]

MAKE 'EM DEAD

Getting out Who ever got out there is no getting out There is nothing here anymore And we are trapped Like flies on tape Flies on tape Flies on tape Dead flies on dirty tape meant to catch dirty flies and make em dead No flies get away They just die Die Die Your life and your mind are so different from mine I split into pieces and fall to dust What the fuck Fucking dust and dirt and dead flies Psychos everywhere you go Clawing at your back Dead long nails Fuck extinction Pink accessories Get out get fucked up Tell everyone you know Morbidity loves company Loves friends who shoot each other in the skulls Bursting like flowers in bloom

[writeallnight]

Sunburnt shoulders I was in dangerous standing once But I ran to safety To where the other kids couldn't find me To where the trees grew up gnarly Be open Be kind We made snow angels We made promises Awful thoughts that I ran from are now far behind me And I've been happy Lunch money lows Murder spree highs Got around on two wheels or two feet but never much more Never went far Wanted to travel the world But only fell into my mind I am alive and kicking And I like kicking so I will keep doing it Don't go to that darker place Or at least don't go alone Nobody there loves you in the pure way that I love you Be genuine Craft your happiness Imagine harmony and follow its gentle sighs Keep your chin up and look to the stars for guidance Put the minutes behind you and live celestially Follow the movements of the grander universe Invite peace into your home for all the days to come

[writeallnight]

I'm wondrous and intergalactic Nothing makes sense but It's okay You're okay We are fucking infinite And you might not believe it But we're stardust Let's be wondrous And beautiful You won't get lost. You'll make it home. It's okay. Jump! Side! Spin. Sway. Jump four times. Reach and receive. Pass it on. Let's go.

[writeallnight]

Trigger warning for anyone who's ever felt afraid. Trigger warning for risk-takers and heart breakers and knee-scrapers and lost causes. Trigger warning for suicidal ideologies, for people who push you when you're not ready, for those who stumble when they were just about to fly. Height doesn't mean anything to me. I came here of my own accord. Trigger warning for twenty-somethings who don't know which way to turn next. The doors are closing and you're out on the street for the night with nothing but bad luck at your side. Trigger warning for dead pigeons and rabies and smiling at the dog that just bit you. You're the risk taker, and when I leave you, I'll be the heart breaker. Let's decide on it now to minimize costs. Love is a business. Take me back to when phones would ring during dinner and we would all scoff at the person who would dare call while we sat and were together for one damn night. One damn night is all it takes to bring you back to something worse. I'll be here when you want someone to talk to. Call my home phone. Call me your home. Live beside me and we'll do just fine. I'd like to make a transaction, please. Love is a tricky sort of business and I'm ready to take a huge risk.

[writeallnight]

I want to convince you

Tell someone wonderful that they're wonderful. Don't turn your attention elsewhere. I want to hold your mind. Blink. Fall backwards into oblivion. Fall with me. Fall down, down, farther...darker it gets and you feel cold. Let's go. Let's get out. I'm gone. Catch up. Words don't mean shit when you have no credit. I can't see you if you close your eyes. We're falling further and deeper and there is a true loss of control. We can't stop ourselves. It's not our fault. It's not my fault. I'm a better person now. Feel something precious in your soul and keep it lovingly tucked away in it. Hold it there. Keep it safe and it will be your breath in deep water.

[writeallnight]

time passes now in a different sort of way i miss the days you would call me friend i fear many things there were days weeks months years i didn't want a future the days i relied on meds to get through each one nowadays i rest and listen to the rain fall and feel a little bit of me fall with it every day the sun doesn't pierce the clouds every night the cold can't be ignored i wonder if i am truly meant to fight these days alone i am still afraid i am still so small and my past is not far enough behind me that i cannot reach back and feel the pains of yesterday anew alas there is a little joy to be found in the dark that i have found one who will fight alongside me the future is cold like yesterday is cold i look for heat in the hearts of those around me those with enough to spare i grow and divide myself into my work my art the rain falls and says don't go too far now you might get lost because you are letting go of so much but the hearts beat and glow and narrate for me the path i must take and so i will go running when no one can see leaping into the endless thaw