Writers Without Fucks

Late Night Texts Between Aspiring Authors

[writerswithoutfucks]

I'm working on ten weeks since my accident and I'm completely losing my shit. My sleep pattern is so out of whack I don't even know night from day anymore - which doesn't really matter because I'm almost literally doing NOTHING. I've stopped eating regularly. My body doesn't recognize when it's hungry anymore because we're pretty much not using any fuel. (TMI side effect of this is that I only poop every couple of days. I'm totally on top of how unhealthy this is.) I've set alarms in my phone to remind me to eat, because I was losing weight at a truly worrisome rate - in six or so weeks, I lost about eighteen pounds, possibly more. Three pounds a week doesn't SOUND bad and could easily be considered medically acceptable, but only if I was actually trying to do it and was working out. I'm not working out, I'm just sitting here. I've been in the same spot on the sofa for so long there's a dent in the cushion. Fortunately my weight loss has mostly stopped, but I haven't been able to put weight back on without losing it a few days later.

Not eating, not showering, and not seeing people has become routine. I wear the same braid or ponytail in my hair until the hair locks. When I got my hard cast off I discovered the skin on the bottom of my foot was coming off in huge sheets like a snake and I was happily occupied with it for DAYS.

Like I said. I'm losing my shit.

But one of the things that bothers me most is people saying they're jealous of me. Because I'm sitting at home all the time watching tv or reading or playing video games. And this was how I willingly spent a lot of time before I got hurt. But I've discovered there's a huge difference between wasting all your time because you WANT to, and wasting all your time because you have no other options. Nothing is fun anymore. I'm bored. I'm lonely. I'm incredibly frustrated because I just can't figure out what to do with myself because I've already done everything I'd normally be inclined to do! And none of it sounds appealing anymore!

So yeah. That's me these days. In a few more weeks I'll have fully turned into one of those feral children raised without human contact by wild pigs or something.

Don't fuck up, kids.

[writerswithoutfucks]

I dunno why I'm disappointed in the decision making skills of people who are dumb enough to think they can cheat a drug test in the first place.

[writerswithoutfucks]

What the actual sweet tapdancing baby fuck is this, Reddit?

[caffoxinated-mom-deactivated201]

Eevee crossbbreeds! Source - the dessert life

[writerswithoutfucks]

I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED THIS IN MY LIFE

[writerswithoutfucks]

Some people, I tell you...

[writerswithoutfucks]

I'm constantly surprised that I have any friends at all.

[writerswithoutfucks]

Just in case anyone's forgotten how disgusting I am.

[writerswithoutfucks]

Context continues to be for squares.

[writerswithoutfucks]

Max’s sister got him one of those weighted blankets and I think this might ultimately be what breaks up our marriage because I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t just kill him and take it for myself.

[ironbite4]

You lead an odd life.

[writerswithoutfucks]

I keep forgetting that it's not normal to consider killing people so you can take their stuff.

[writerswithoutfucks]

Max's sister got him one of those weighted blankets and I think this might ultimately be what breaks up our marriage because I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't just kill him and take it for myself.

[writerswithoutfucks]

I planned on baking apology cookies for our downstairs neighbours because they've had to listen to my gimpy ass bump and clonk all over my apartment on crutches and a walking cast for the last eight weeks. I figured it was obnoxious and loud and they're being very nice by understanding the situation and not complaining.

This weekend we found out that they don't really hear me heaving myself around like a flamingo with vertigo! Which is great to know, because we're a little paranoid about noise transfer.

But they DO hear us snoring plenty.

Three people live here, we ALL snore like construction equipment or outboard motors. Our poor neighbours can hear this through our floors.

So now I have to bake 'I Am So Sorry We Snore!' cookies for my neighbours, which is not a thing I would have thought would ever be necessary.

[beckyhop]

Okay, maybe I missed something, but I noticed a pattern among really tall/short Harry Potter characters:

Hagrid: Really, abnormally tall. Turns out to be half-giant. Got some questions about the conception, but okay.

Madame Maxime: Also abnormally tall. Also implied to be half-giant. Um, that raises a few more questions…

Professor Flitwick: Very very short, played by an actual little person in the movies. Turns out to be part-goblin. Okay…?

And now there’s apparently a new character in Crimes of Grindlewald that appears to be played by a little person actor that turns out to be half-house elf which…what?!

Anyway, this raises the question: do wizards just not get gigantism or dwarfism in this universe?

[writerswithoutfucks]

Maybe giantism and dwarfism don’t actually exist, and what muggles think is the result of genetic mutations are actually caused by secret giant/dwarf/goblin lineage.

[ironbite4]

I still can’t get over the half-house elf thing.

[writerswithoutfucks]

Well you presumably can't use a condom if you're fucking your house elf because a condom could technically be considered clothing.

[beckyhop]

Okay, maybe I missed something, but I noticed a pattern among really tall/short Harry Potter characters:

Hagrid: Really, abnormally tall. Turns out to be half-giant. Got some questions about the conception, but okay.

Madame Maxime: Also abnormally tall. Also implied to be half-giant. Um, that raises a few more questions…

Professor Flitwick: Very very short, played by an actual little person in the movies. Turns out to be part-goblin. Okay…?

And now there’s apparently a new character in Crimes of Grindlewald that appears to be played by a little person actor that turns out to be half-house elf which…what?!

Anyway, this raises the question: do wizards just not get gigantism or dwarfism in this universe?

[writerswithoutfucks]

Maybe giantism and dwarfism don't actually exist, and what muggles think is the result of genetic mutations are actually caused by secret giant/dwarf/goblin lineage.

[writerswithoutfucks]

I got blood drawn for my pre surgery checkup today and they were out of regular bandaids.

I can't say I'm at all bothered by this.

Cutesy bandages make things heal quicker. Dr Koala confirmed it.

I'm in for kidney surgery a week from today. Send me get well packages. ❤️

[gaybaggins]

tbh i never got why so many straight women are into legolas. like, what do you think hes going to do? top you? i have to laugh

[theawesomeadventurer]

do you think J R R Tolkien can read these posts from hell

[powerfulwizard]

straight women like legolas because he appeals to their fantasy of a man who takes care of his hygiene and maybe even wipes his ass

[writerswithoutfucks]

tbh i never got why there's this assumption that all straight women are submissive and want to be topped or dominated by their partner some of us are either dominant or don't want top/bottom dynamics in our relationships. i have to laugh.

[windows5]

theres a guy in my asian art hist. class who is visually the epitome of a redneck stereotype except hes an art history major and is very clearly passiomate about it

[windows5]

imagine a bowlegged white guy with a beard wearing flannel, a belt buckle, and cowboy boots talk about the intricacies of a hindu temple in sri lanka. this is the future liberals want

[repost-this-image]

I used to know a goth redneck in college, who was a former backyard wrestler. He would literally go back and forth between “get ‘r done” and “so I might be the ideal vampire blood source because once when I was suicidal I slit my wrists, but I didn’t even feel woozy, and the blood just kept coming. I was like, ‘Well, this is interesting.’”

Same fuckin energy.

[writerswithoutfucks]

What... kind of dick energy is this...?

[writerswithoutfucks]

So last night I developed some random full body hives COMPLETELY OUT OF NOWHERE and I'm so confused. I'm not allergic to anything, nothing new came into my apartment, and nothing about my routine changed. I just randomly came out in hives on half my face, my collarbone, part of my chest, my knees, the tops of my feet, my elbows, and my wrists. OH LORD THE ITCHINESS. It was a first for me.

Ultimately it's clearing up by itself, but I still don't know what caused it. The best we (including Dr Koala) can figure is that they were stress hives, only I'm not stressed. I've actually been pretty NOT stressed lately. So maybe my default state is 'stressed out' so much that my body is as confused and alarmed by Not Stressed as normal people's bodies are by Stressed Out.

TL;DR I'm so stressed so often that I got stress hives from NOT being stressed.