Kathastrophic

I write sometimes.

[writingkathastrophe]

They think, they think.

They think about all.

The small, the big.

The way that time ticks.

A glimpse of a beauty.

A pain on their foot.

The wind and trees.

Once stung by a bee.

Someone's smile.

Another's little toes.

The missed friend.

A face they never saw.

A threat to everyone and,

everything they know.

No, they don't carry a bullet.

Merely a pen.

They'll write about you.

For poetic can be anything.

Even them.

[writingkathastrophe]

[writingkathastrophe]

What is this feeling?

It hurts a lot.

I can feel something bad about to happen.

As though someone is about to die.

But who?

I hate this paranoia.

Last night's dream left me exhausted enough.

I don't want it to happen, whatever it is.

I want to stop it.

The clouds and the rain didn't make me smile.

The air today is not very loud.

Darkness is a sanctuary to me.

Yet today, it scares me as much as the light.

The silence, I want to fill it.

Never needed to before.

Things seem to open and close faster.

No start or end, the lines missing.

The music isn't helping either.

Why? Why? Why?

[writingkathastrophe]

He's so sharp and straight

He shines against the moonlight

He's so uptight yet so fluid

Some might call him my weapon

It is true, he was with me through my worst

Although I tried keeping him away at my best

He'd somehow always come back

I knew I shouldn't have met him at all

Others who have met him told me tales

About the addition to his scent

And the satisfaction that only he can bring

I never believed and laughed along

For I was supposed to be better then them

It's funny how I think about all this now

When he's in my arms, holding me tight

I must admit, he always takes the pain away

But I swore to myself, we'd never meet again

Here we are though

He pleasures me with the relive

While I clean up all the mess I've caused

I'll say goodbye forever once again tonight

He'll kiss me and say,"See you soon."

[writingkathastrophe]

I dream dreams, not nightmares, trust me.

But these dreams that I dream feel less like dreams everyday.

Waking up in cold sweat and tears running down my face.

Staying up till sunrise, wishing I hadn't slept at all.

I miss dreaming dreams that felt like dreams.

Maybe I can dream dreams about dreams that felt like dreams.

Am I dreaming right now?

I think I'm having a headache but I don't know what is real anymore.

Are these dreams nightmares?

They are too colourful to be anything but dreamy dreams,

Right?

[writingkathastrophe]

"It's buzzin' outside.", I tell her

"Buzzing?", she asks

I give her a weird look asking if she knows what I mean.

She replies with an apparently obvious, "Yeah!"

I give her a suspicious look and she throws her hands in the air,

"You mean there is a buzz noise coming from outside right? I can't hear it though."

My mind freezes for a second.

I don't think that's an old saying, I mean we are from the same generation.

It annoys me even though I knew it shouldn't have.

How far does her ignorance go?

I could ask that question everyday yet I'd be proven wrong every other.

Instead I look out at the "buzzing" street on this early spring day.

[writingkathastrophe]

I'm laying upside down,

staring at the digital clock.

It's 11 34 right now and

I can see my next destination.

[writingkathastrophe]

At 6PM

Sitting on an empty rooftop

Talking about the past we can’t change,

and a future we can’t control

The cityscape never changing

The lights always seem to keep glowing

Everyone’s in such a hurry,

but so are we

To fall in love

To find that happiness

To finally live

Why don’t we take it slow

Let ourselves free

Hah!

It’s so much easier to just suffer though

[writingkathastrophe]

It hurts

But I'm used to it

Don't know if I want to go down

On someone

Or

Just curl up and cry

Hold me please

The cinnamon roll tastes

Exquisite

Maybe I'll get another one

It hurts

Ate painkillers

I don't think they worked

I'm still alive

[writingkathastrophe]

I know I'm not beautiful,

I've been told a million times.

By the first him I ever liked,

And the her, who never knew.

By them, whom I loved the most.

Even the ones who liked me back.

Time has passed and it's all past now.

You think I'm over it, looking at me smile.

I really am not, but you don't mind a lie.

[writingkathastrophe]

I have a sweet tooth

That's where he came handy

He made everything feel good

Like it was made of candy

Homemade sugary sweets

As smooth as milk chocolate

Yet something about his treats

Now I can clearly feel it

He's got many cakes in the oven

And only one is for me

Several ways this can be proven

But I just want to wait and see.

[writingkathastrophe]

I'm outside, people all around.

My tears on the brink of spilling.

Why do they hurt me like this?

I'm the one they call heartless,

Yet theirs seem invisible now.

What sin did the child do,

To deserve this forsaken fate?

I'm too young to be planning a death,

Yet old enough to know my only options.

Wish for a meteoroid shower on me,

Or for the ground to swallow me whole.

At least, it would spare them,

Of the embarrassment I bring along.

[writingkathastrophe]

"She's going to be alright"

They told us today

"That's a great news"

I say with a smile

'What a great tragedy it could have been'

I think although I know it's wrong

'She's such a caring person'

I know they think without knowing

[writingkathastrophe]

"All I need is love"

I speak in a reliable way.

I know I'm lying though.

A chemical.

Adrenaline, that's it!

That's what drives me.

But why is it wrong

To want this drug?

I am sorry.

I could never love you,

Just the thrill that came along.

I have never been loved.

You used me like a tool,

So did I of you.

What is meant to be

When they say it is meant to be?

Maybe all I do need is love.

The one in my fantasies.

The real deal,

The imaginary thing.

But for now,

I just lay here dreaming of what could be.

[writingkathastrophe]

Tears, panic and sadness all around.

Everyone here just keep praying.

In hopes that she returns.

She won't last long.

That's what they told them.

They told us, we are after all, far.

What am I doing, you may wonder now.

Continuing my daily life, of course.

My eyes are dry as always.

My heart, it usual heft.

My mind still the dark forest.

I've come to a conclusion today.

I'm just as heartless as they had told me.

I haven't shed a tear, not even one.

I'm already living in a trance.

Not a lot fazes me.

Not this natural phenomenon.

They all come and go, all the same.

This time it's permanent, so now what?

[writingkathastrophe]

What is time? When today was yesterday's tomorrow and tomorrow will also become yesterday. Today will just be another unmemorable memory.

[writingkathastrophe]

At 6PM

Sitting on an empty rooftop

Talking about the past we can't change,

and a future we can't control

The cityscape never changing

The lights always seem to keep glowing

Everyone's in such a hurry,

but so are we

To fall in love

To find that happiness

To finally live

Why don't we take it slow

Let ourselves free

Hah!

It's so much easier to just suffer though