perhaps there’s some cognitive dissonance on both of their parts. an inability to fully understand the other’s position because they choose to forget one piece of information and replace it with another. all that miles can think is that rebe must be living on another planet if she ever thought that ezra didn’t hate him. anyone in their circle, in their groupchat, in their town could feel the utter disdain from the other male toward miles. it only seemed to be getting worse in the recent weeks – perhaps partly because the blonde forked over her biggest secret to the guy. “i find it odd that the two people you chose to tell are ezra and theo… don’t you have cj or lennon that you could dish to? ezra has never liked me,” he reminds her, shaking his head. a soft chuckle leaves his lips. what more can he say in this moment? everyone in his life seems to take his words and make sculptures of them that signify something far different than what he means. and it’s exhausting. he’s never seen so many pieces of art that make him so damn nauseated. “rebe. regardless, when you choose to say things in a group setting that indicate your relationship with ezra is more than friendly, maybe that’s when you should reach out to people who should know. theo and i aren’t exactly strangers to you and ezra. your excuses don’t negate the way you’ve made me feel,” he blinks a few times, taking a step back. “you’re also a terrible fucking liar, but i’ll take your words for what they are and trust you mean them,” miles swallows, hands slipping into his pockets. he isn’t sure this conversation needs to continue. “i’m sorry. i know none of this has a road map, but i’m still a little hurt. maybe we should talk a different time.”
“he’s still kind of pissed about the outing thing, but that doesn’t mean he hates you, miles. how could anyone hate you?” as far as she knew, she had no reason to believe the tension between the two was as bad as miles was making it out to be. ezra would have told her, right? if he really hated miles, it would have been brought up by now. especially back in high school, when even the mention of miles’ name sent chills down her spine, she would have remembered if ezra said anything mean about him. “i think cj knows. i sort of mentioned some things to her, but i left out names. i’m pretty sure she guessed it though,” rebe informed him, even though that was something she probably should have done a few weeks sooner. “are you- i know you’re upset that ezra knows, but are you mad that i told theo?” it never felt like this before, like she was constantly walking on eggshells around him, constantly afraid that she was doing something that would upset him. “i didn’t think what i was saying in the group chat was anything unusual for what ezra and i were normally like before all of this. but i knew at some point this,” she pointed back and forth between the two of them, “conversation would have to happen. i just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. just like if when you start hanging out with someone i wouldn’t expect you to tell me about it week one.” she wonders if its obvious to miles, the way all of her thoughts always have been, that she’s talking about dante. there seems to be a war going on in her head, in which half of her is wholeheartedly convinced that miles has never stopped being in love with his ex, that dante is better for him than she is in every conceivable way, that she is an idiot for taking this fucking long to realize. and the other half, that is repeatedly reminding her that her thoughts have always been self loathing in whatever way they can be, and this is no exception. this half is fighting so hard to hold onto whatever hope she has left, because, fuck, she has made a lot of mistakes, but giving up on the boy in front of her has never, will never be one of them. “i just don’t want you to worry about me.” its honest, as honest as she can be without admitting that they both knew she had just lied. “yeah, we don’t have to talk if you’re not,” there’s a pause, she’s struggling to find the right word, “ready?”
