Apollo

obsessed with sapphic literature and architecture she/her || 19y

[x-methis-x]

dude I hate the fact that I’ve fallen for u and maybe ruin what could have been one great friendship

[x-methis-x]

Keep smiling

I just love to watch my friends smile. They become the prettiest version of themselves when they’re smiling thinking no one is watching. If there’s something I’ll always try to achieve is to make one and each of them smile. Watching them is just like admiring art, it’s just to beautiful to understand…

[x-methis-x]

I hate how I showed some poems that I had written about my feelings and thoughts to some friends and they just laugh at me and humiliated me, I felt like sh*t and now every time I try to write I hear their laughs and judgements, and I feel like a joke. I hate that because I loved writing, it was one of the few that i truly enjoyed and now i feel i can’t do it anymore. 

[x-methis-x]

I wrote yesterday and today, and I can’t wait to write again tomorrow. It’s like a flame that came back to life. I never felt better about my writing and I can surely say war is over. They took me away 3/4 years from one of the things I love the most and they’re not even in my life anymore. I regret so much giving them that power. I’ll come back to writing, even if it’s only in my notebooks, and only for me. I’ll start again and won’t stop this time.

[x-methis-x]

Academic Validation

I was always the smart kid in class. I had always one of the best grades, because I was to lazy to work for the best (and a little scared to tbh), but I always was one of the best. People would come to me to ask for help, or homework, and doing tests without having to study made me feel above some of my peers.

But now I’m in college, everyone was the best in their high school classes either and I’m not that special anymore. I can’t be the “smart” one in my new friend group because we’re all the smart ones. Then who Am I…?

Plus, I think I should mention that I’m in architecture school (more like architorture school), here doesn’t matter how smart you are, in fact intelligence isn’t one of the biggest factors they’re interested in. Instead try creativity, knowing how to speak in public, group projects and knowing to express your opinion and work in group, practical work like making drawings, sketches and models. We're all starting from zero and we're learning everything together, but it feels like I'm getting behind.

It feels like I lost the only good thing about me, that was being smart and able to help others. Now I’m the one who always need help, with the worst grades, worst works, I feel like I’ve lost me and it really hurts to think like that.

I never really knew how much impact a number had in my life until I started to pay attention to them in my works. Yes, I can say that I had always feel good about having good grades and being one of the best in my classe, but in reality, who wouldn’t. 

I just never actually thought that I would feel so dumb, so lost and especial so worthless just because I hadn’t a grade I expected. My life turned upside down and I even cried about it (even when anyone else thought it wasn't that big problem having a bad grade; "It happens once in a while"). I guess I never really knew how much of an academic validation seeker I really was indeed.

[x-methis-x]

dude I hate the fact that I’ve fallen for u and maybe ruin what could have been one great friendship

[x-methis-x]

Yesterday there was this homeless man writing poetry nearby a street I use to walk by so I stop and read some of the poems (he even let me take one one) and for me it’s wonderful how a homeless man writing about losing himself and trying to find the light and hope in life could understand me, a college girl who went through depression and daily panic attacks, better than anyone in life… guess that’s what makes poetry so beautiful, completely different people with completely different lives and experiences still find meaning in the same words and somehow manage to understand each other…

[x-methis-x]

why does nobody talk about how hard is to “breakup” with your friends… like u feel like that that friendship is not working anymore but u can’t just call them and say “I wanna breakup” and then u find yourself in the middle of a non healthy or unwanted relationship that is just messing u up

[x-methis-x]

I feel like an empty box full of memories but without any feelings attached to them

[targaryenheiress-deactivated202]

It's always: "wanna hang out" but never "hey let's create a secret society and read literature and poetry"

[x-methis-x]

Friends

I feel like I have none. No, seriously I feel like all the people who I might think of as friends would never pick me as theirs. They all have their groups and I suspect the only reason they ever talk to me is bc we're in the same class. That's so fuck up, feeling not the second or third choice but not a choice at all. I'm so done feeling lonely and maybe I'm the problem, my friendships never last and it seems I'm not even able to connect to people, it's so awful feeling like this every single day.

[x-methis-x]

We fooled ourselves believing that we had eternity when we only had a moment

[p15513]

I'm feeling so fucking left out and forgotten by my friends rn but i know I'm not gonna do anything about it and just keep on letting our friendship slowly deteriorate

[the-loverboy-poet-no73]

Your poets? Dead. Your history? Secret. Your darlings? Killed. You? Probably not straight

[x-methis-x]

my motivation to learn to draw:

being able to draw pretty woman and gay couple

[ashstfu]

reading a book is not enough, i need to scream, gasp, throw up and cry every time something happens

[x-methis-x]

Let’s write love letters to each other until we finally fall in love…

[booksandothersecrets]

Shout out to all the notes-app poems, love letters, secrets, novels, diary entries, bucket lists and lyrics that were hurredly typed into people’s phones at 3am and then hidden from the world and forgotten. Maybe one day you’ll open the app and laugh at how pretentious you were, or maybe you’ll smile at that part of yourself that noone else saw