@xc0rrupt3dxf1l3x - Tumblr Blog

creating an increasingly exhibitionistic online persona to make up for the fact that i'll never be able to talk to anyone in my real life about any of this

#it's not working #actually cptsd #ptsd #bpd #did system #bpd safe #bpd fp #actually bpd

all i want is what i could never get from you. love, affection, safety. i don't know when i'll be able to stop chasing it. i think i'm still trying to prove that i'm worth any of that to you.

#actually bpd #bpd fp #actually cptsd #ptsd #bpd #bpd safe #fp bpd #actually dissociative #actually borderline #favorite person

how could you? how could you do that to me? you broke me and then you just left. how could you do that and still say that you love me?

#actually bpd #bpd fp #actually cptsd #ptsd #bpd #bpd safe #fp bpd #actually dissociative #actually borderline

i feel empty i feel so fucking empty chasing anything to make it stop but it doesn't work and after a little while i just stop trying so what's the point? what's the point of trying to fill an insatiable fucking void

#bpd thoughts #actually bpd #actually cptsd #bpd fp #ptsd #bpd safe #bpd #fp bpd #actually dissociative #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder

is it supposed to feel so empty when i'm with anyone other than him

#actually bpd #bpd fp #bpd safe #bpd #favorite person #fp bpd

it was easy for a week and now its getting a lotttt harder. god. i can't handle him being so far away. i have to learn to handle it. i have to learn to handle it. trying so hard not to be clingy. i can't stop thinking about him no matter how hard i try.

#actually bpd #bpd fp #bpd safe #bpd #fp bpd #favorite person

fp and i are out and about and i see his insta pulled up and I want to know who it is but I dont want to freak him out so i scroll through his entire 500+ instagram follower list looking for someone with a sparkle emoji in their name who vaguely fits the profile picture I glimpsed and I see: no one who fits both

#actually bpd #bpd fp #yes i am a freak and i know this isnt healthy #its complicated

caspercryptid

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

i feel so hollowed out. i should feel happy, right? right?

#bpd vent #actually bpd #actually cptsd #bpd fp #ptsd #bpd thoughts #bpd safe #bpd #fp bpd

everything feels like nothing. the world around me is sapped of its color. food doesn't taste like anything. i think i hear sounds but it's all just a wall of noise. i wonder what it was that made me feel things two days ago, even two hours ago. i can't put my finger on it. what was so different about then and now that means that i can't feel anything anymore?

#bpd vent #actually bpd #actually cptsd #ptsd #bpd thoughts #bpd safe #bpd

makeitstopmakeitstopohmygodpleasejustmakeitstop

#bpd vent #actually bpd #actually cptsd #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd safe #bpd #peering over the edge of a bridge longingly but remembering that one case study of a guy who survived a 300ft drop from a cliff 🙃

something in me snapped and died I think

#bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd safe #bpd #favorite person #fp bpd

yk i used to comfort myself about how i feel like everyone else i used to know is so happy and successful now by telling myself that at least i found a happy stable relationship after years of abuse and now i dont even have that anymore and all the feelings of inadequacy and self hatred are so much more intense than they've ever been in my entire fucking life

#dont mind me spamming all these tags i'm just having a breakdown and hes sleeping in the other room after barely talking to me all day #i so desperately need to feel seen by litterally anyone i feel like i'm going crazy #bpd vent #actually bpd #ptsd #actually cptsd #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd safe

so could someone PLEASE tell me where the line between abusive and toxic is i'm loosing my mind

like at what point does it stop being relavent that they dont mean to hurt you and that they feel genuine remorse over doing so

#bpd vent #actually bpd #actually cptsd #bpd thoughts #bpd fp #bpd #fp bpd #favorite person #bpd safe

your initials are branded on my right hip i feel your thumb press into them when you grab me from behind its so sweet how it stings while you're pressing it into me please never stop

#fp bpd #obsessive thoughts #bpd safe #favorite person #the branding is a metaphor i'm not that far gone I promise #may be approaching that point tho

fun fact: taking too many stimulants does in fact make you irritable even if they also make you feel like god

#actually bpd #bpd #bpd thoughts

thesweetestfruitforhim

you’re so perfect. i want you to ruin me again.

#and again and again and again and again #i will literally take all of it please god just love me #bpd #bpd vent

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