theexcessrxn

Excess reaction after a thought.

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In the midst of the storm of my thoughts and emotions, the only peace i found is when i put the blade where I can end all these.

May 2, 2023 - 5:38 PM

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Why do i feel all the decisions I made are bad. I keep making bad decisions. I thought my decisions will help me find peace and clarity, but all they brought me are more troubles and confusions.

I feel like I’m a failure. I hurt the people around me when I’m hurting. Maybe I should just hurt myself instead. I wanna end these all. I don’t want to suffer anymore.

May 1, 2023 8:51pm

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Sometimes, I feel like a bad person for saying shitty things to people whenever they did something shitty to me. I’ve never been always like this. I used to always try to see the good in everything.

But then, the situation becomes more negative instead. Because the more I extend my kindness and stretch my patience, the more they take advantage of me.

And when I finally break, all suppressed words and emotions come out.

Yet, as an empath, I regret the words I said.

I feel bad and I feel like I become this version of person I never wanted to be. Then, I start to hate myself. The hate I feel towards the people who wronged me becomes directed to me. Then, I suffocate and wallow in self-hate.

And I snap.

Then I want to snap my neck, or slash my wrists or neck or whatever that will make the all these dreading feelings go away.

But then, I ask myself,

“Do I deserve to be treated this shitty?”

“Do these people even deserve my kindness?”

“Do I deserve to treat myself this shitty?”

“Do I deserve my kindness?”

I don’t deserve shitty things.

But I deserve kindness. Despite what I’ve done.

They deserve kindness. Despite what they did.

Cruelty leads to more shitty things.

Cruelty leads to more pain.

But kindness…

Kindness leads to empathy.

Kindness leads to compassion.

Kindness leads to love.

I deserve love.

Even when I think I don’t.

March 29, 2023 - 10:25 AM

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They’re hiding under the covers, peeking at what you do, then stab you when you least expect it. https://www.instagram.com/p/CiZCb0ZLoP3LZaWvHWXShGiomJvZoF7fuEmzyc0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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"It's not necessary to tell all you know..., folks don't like to have somebody around knowin' more than they do. It aggravates ‘em. You’re not gonna change any of them by talkin’ right, they’ve got to want to learn themselves, and when they don’t want to learn there’s nothing you can do but keep your mouth shut or talk their language." 📖: To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee #tokillamockingbird #books #readingbooks #bookworm #booktok #bibliophile #booklover #bookstagram #bookcommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/CYlO7lkrayP/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Looking for: Books I might or might not read 😅 Do you enjoy going to book stores, too? Because I certainly do! I might see a rare find in book stores you know. 😁 Maybe a new book, a new fictional book boyfriend, or another bookworm boyfriend (jk) 😂😂 #books #readingbooks #bookworm #bookstore #bibliophile #booklover #bookstagram #bookcommunity (at Biblio) https://www.instagram.com/p/CWRxf2qP0MX/?utm_medium=tumblr

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FINALLY, to officially wrap-up the month of October ---- here's my list of completed watch parties with my book club!!! From scheduled watch parties to randomly deciding to watch anything we feel like it together, my weekends were far more enjoyable watching these shows with other people. Online cinema feels!! We watch book adaptations, series, movies, or anything that interests us. If you like watch parties, BOTMs, book discussions, and random virtual get-togethers, feel free to join us in our online book club on discord — The Book Club PH - Discord! Please click the invite link in my bio and together, let's have more fun reading, watching, and talking together in the middle of pandemic. See you!!! #watchparty #bookclub #bookdiscussion #bot. #virtualtambay #discord #gameofthrones #thelostsymbol #themurderontheorientexpress #spacesweepers #bookstagram #bookcommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/CV9skabvBSO/?utm_medium=tumblr

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I know I'm a bit late but I still want to add this to my feed so here goes my October Reads! 4⭐ - Para Kay B by Ricky Lee 5⭐ - The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood 4⭐ - The Spanish Love Deception by Elena Armas 4⭐ - Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami I've completed 15 out of the 25 books I am hoping to read this year!!! Looking back at the years of my slump, this 4 books in a month was already a milestone for me! To think that I started late (July) and I am also having a busy schedule at work lately. I'm so looking forward to next year's challenge. I think I'll upscale it to 50 books. How's your reading challenge going? #octoberreads #octoberwrapup #readingchallenge #readingslumpnomore #bookrecommendation #keepreading #bookworm #booktok #bibliophile #booklover #bookstagram #bookcommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/CV44Gb_P0aq/?utm_medium=tumblr

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BOOK REVIEW 📖 Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie Rating: 4.5⭐ Last Saturday, I challenged myself to finish this book by 7:30pm. I started reading around 2pm. However, I failed and slept through the afternoon. (as there was an evidence, thanks to my brother who took a picture of me while I was sleeping, after seeing my IG story about the challenge). So, I was not able to catch up and join the book discussion for this novel in an online book club. BUT I just finished the book. YAY! 🎉 Can't say I'm surprised on how the story turned out, since even before Hercule Poirot listed his evidences in the book, I already made mine in my reading journal. I even wrote on the book my guess, and as the story unfolds, I was like "I was right". Still, this book is an amazing read! As someone who's not really exposed with mystery and crime genres, this one was interesting enough for me to possibly pick up other similar genres or even other works of Agatha Christie for my future reads. Also, this is the second crime novel I've read this year. And on both books, I immediately get to guess who the culprits are. So, I'm really sad i didn't get to join the book discussion and get to tell everyone, "Hey, I solved it before I even finished it." Because, I'm so proud of myself I might decide to be a detective someday. Just kidding. Up next, Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. #murderontheorientexpress #agathachristie #mysterynovel #crimenovel #bookreview #bookworm #booktok #bibliophile #booklover #bookstagram #bookcommunity #bookunboxing https://www.instagram.com/p/CUXs3YMv4cL/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Aside from books and coffee, i live for watch parties, too. Game of Thrones Watch Party with The Book Club PH buddies every night!!! Started last September 1 and we're supposedly be watching 1 episode per day but we cannot take the cliff-hangers any longer! We're done with Season 2, on to Season 3!! Plus it's coffee friday, yet, i only have coffee jelly. But this will do! ❤ #gameofthrones #GoTWatchParty #GoT #aryastark #daenerystargaryen #jonsnow #tyrionlannister #Stark #Targaryen #Lannister #Baratheon #Tyrrel #winteriscoming #coffeefriday #coffeejelly #watchparty #bookcommunity #bookclub https://www.instagram.com/p/CT79RdcBmLj/?utm_medium=tumblr

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What did you eat for lunch today? I had iced coffee and 3 chapters of my current read. 😂❤📚☕ 📖 The Beauty that Remains by Ashley Woodfolk (@ashwrites) #currentread #coffee #icedcoffee #readingbooks #thebeautythatremains #ashleywoodfolk #music #books #reading #bookcoffee #booklife #booksofinstagram #booksph #bookstagram #bookaddict #bookforlunch #coffeeforlunch #bibliophile #cessyreads https://www.instagram.com/p/CT7M6CGp4_v/?utm_medium=tumblr

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What are your recent book purchases? Here's mine: 📦 Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie. (It's our September BOTM) 🚚 Think on These Things by @johncmaxwell 🚚 NLT Bible (badly needed a new one since my old one's too old already) 🚚 Killing Kryptonite by @johnbevere (will be gifted to a friend) I love simple yet aesthetically pleasing packages as this. Thanks @bookstack.shop for the excellent and neat packaging!! Looking forward to more purchases! #bookworm #bookclub #bookofthemonth #agathachristie #murderontheorientexpress #crimenovel #bibliophile #booklover #bookstagram #bookcommunity #bookunboxing https://www.instagram.com/p/CT4iwWvJirT/?utm_medium=tumblr

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What did you eat for lunch today? I had iced coffee and 3 chapters of my current read. 😂❤📚☕ 📖 The Beauty that Remains by Ashley Woodfolk (@ashwrites) #currentread #coffee #icedcoffee #readingbooks #thebeautythatremains #ashleywoodfolk #music #books #reading #bookcoffee #booklife #booksofinstagram #booksph #bookstagram #bookaddict #bookforlunch #coffeeforlunch #bibliophile #cessyreads https://www.instagram.com/p/CT4cC5fp_OI/?utm_medium=tumblr

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This was supposed to be a quick read. Before i engross myself with the BOTMs I have yet to read. Instead, this took me two nights. This is not a typical story. And I understand why some people didn't like it or didn't appreciate it. But maybe, being in a similar situation as Gregor Samsa, his thoughts about his work and his responsibilities with his family — as being a "corporate slave" and wanting to quit, but having to continue because of family and financial situations — made me understand the context of the story more and it's like I was reading my own thoughts. 📖 The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka How about you? What book have you recently finished reading? #TheMetamorphosis #FranzKafka #finishedreading #bibliophile #booknerd #bookstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CTizuTTJREv/?utm_medium=tumblr

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I just started annotating books so I just started collecting highlighters, booktabs, colored pens, and everything that makes my noted organized. And I have this pouch that contains all of them, so I can carry them anywhere I chose to read. And it's a normal sight for me to see all this mess on my bed, table, or floor whenever I'm reading. They're just there, lying around, waiting to be used, and find some adventures in whatever book I'm immersed in. Ps. The pouch and the personalized bookmark were given to me by my mentor and a close friend years ago. https://www.instagram.com/p/CThm1bbJ-i8/?utm_medium=tumblr

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My life changed when i started annotating my books 📚❤ I tried writing them down on my supposed book journal but it was too much of a hassle and my reading gets interrupted. I actually didn't get to do this before since i just borrowed books when I was high school. But since i buy my own books now, i have the liberty to do so. I thought i can't do it before since I was afraid of causing damage to the books, but when i started doing it, i cannot even not do it. I feel like i made the book more personal when i annotate. It also helps my memory as I get to remember the stories more. And i color code my tabs so when i see them again, i know what i felt or what it meant especially when i go back to my books. So full of raw emotions. Book: Rebel by Marie Lu Do you annotate your books? How do you do them? #booknerd #bibliophile #annotatingbooks #colorcodedtabs #bookstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CTeEngZHar8/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Maybe the goal was to see the northern lights, but the greatest part of it all, was the journey. It was a great ride. My rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars Five stories. One Great Adventure. Let's Get Lost is a story of a girl in her personal quest. And along the way, she met four different people and crashes into their lives at the time they needed someone the most. #2021reads #bibliophile #bookstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CTaSbRyB7hC/?utm_medium=tumblr