The Queen of Chaos

Hi All, I'm a level 44 Post Op Trans Woman here to share my journey and explore myself more. If you're under 18, a co worker, or family member, do not follow, do not interact! My pictures are mine and mine alone. Please refrain from using my pics for any other account please and thank you 😊

[xchaosqueen13x]

Some days you hit your goals and you feel amazing. Other days your goals may end up being out of your grasp and you feel defeated.

The biggest question is did you try your hardest?

If the answer is yes, try to take it easy on yourself! I know it’s easier said than done but self love can go a long way!

[xchaosqueen13x]

Confidence is a strange thing. I can look in the mirror & see something so different from what others see.

Yet when compliments come from others its hard to hear them sometimes because while everyone sees the whole picture, I'm looking at my specific flaws.

Luckily I'm finally starting to get a point now where I can look at myself as a whole instead of numerous small flaws and with that my confidence is finally growing 😊

[xchaosqueen13x]

My new favorite pastime: Developing a massive crush on someone online who wouldn't give me the time of day even if they did know I existed 🙄🤣

[queen-mihai]

It's happening again. It's getting closer and closer to rent time and I've got more bills than money. I'm being sued again. Left right and center. And the only thing I can tell people is I don't have any money

Guess what they're starting to do?

Eat into my unemployment

Meaning I'm getting less and less and fucking less

I haven't paid my phone bill

I haven't paid my electricity

I'm trapped like a rat in my house

I'm down to eating one meal and one small snack a day and I'm fucking STILL not gonna make rent

I've been trying so hard to sell my books instead of begging. But even though someone blazed my post, and even though I've had people talking, and even though people have been having fun in relation to my universe, and even though I'm getting more consistent doing my streams, I've sold two books.

I have to ask for immediate assistance again. I absolutely cannot afford to pay my rent the way things are going. Everything is maxed out. I've tried and tried and tried to do this by actually selling books

It's not fucking working. Almost nobody is interested. I have to beg for yall to support me again or I'm fucked.

Buy Queen Mihai a Coffee

Become a supporter of Queen Mihai today!

[this-is-trans-joy]

If anyone’s searching for more trans authors to read, please help support Queen Mihai by buying her books!!

[xchaosqueen13x]

Every lost dream makes room for a new beginning. I still hold onto the beautiful hope of finding my person and saying 'I do' all over again, feeling like a radiant bride in a long white gown 😊

[xchaosqueen13x]

So I've recently lost about 27lbs and I'm actually feeling somewhat skinny, yet I still can't seem to take any pictures of myself that show more than the upper half of my body. I don't know if its lack of good poses or that I'm just camera shy after being so heavy for so long but geesh what I'd give for a good full length photo 🤣

[xchaosqueen13x]

Been feeling very dysphoric lately. My voice and my thin hair are the biggest triggers lately but also I've been on hormones for almost 4 years and I feel like the results are stagnant. Like no matter how hard I try with styling and makeup I still don't look as feminine as I feel inside, which for some I know isn't important but for me it is.

I've been trying to lose some weight and just bought some new clothing which is what I'm wearing in the picture but it hasn't seemed to help.

My family still continues to misgender me and deadname me even when I'm right in front of them. I still get a ton of stares in public which for someone with social anxiety like me, I always take as a bad sign.

There are some other things too like dating and finances but imma bout to run out of room so those I'll just tuck deep down inside and let fester.

With all this being said, I will never regret transitioning, I'll never regret getting bottom surgery and I'll never regret finally being the person I was meant to be. Just want to be clear on that!

[xchaosqueen13x]

Behind every smile is a hidden truth. Here's mine:

Last night, I saw the thinning at the crown of my head & couldn't stop crying. I knew this would happen—it runs in my family—but the reality hits harder than expected. My hair is a such a huge part of my identity.

I know there are "bigger" problems in the world, but this impacts my confidence in my daily life. It’s painful to lose a piece of yourself.

I suppose being vulnerable is the first step in processing it, but it’s definitely hard.

[xchaosqueen13x]

Hı sugar

Hiya 😁

[xchaosqueen13x]

Today is Transgender Day of Visibility and for many of us it's been a struggle lately to be visible. There is hope though, as there are so many brave trans people around the world who continue to stand, and continue to fight for those of us that can't.

Thank you the people that continue to stand tall and proud in the face of danger and continue to represent all of us ❤️

[xchaosqueen13x]

I have a hair appointment next week and I'm thinking about going blonde. Do you think I could pull it off?

[xchaosqueen13x]

[drst]

Heads up my trans and queer friends, do not participate in this study. Spread the word to stay away;

Skeet from Alejandra Caraballo that says: If you see this, don't participate. It's a rigged study by Lisa Littman and unethical researcher J. Michael Bailey meant to undermine access to care. Spread the word.

[xchaosqueen13x]

Streaming Comeback

For a long period of time I streamed on Twitch and more recently YouTube. For the most part I was streaming video games, I was already playing them anyway so I figured why not. I made some really good friends and was having fun but along the way I had to switch up my schedule and stream at different times. Because of this I lost the majority of my following. I kept streaming but the constant talking to myself kind of got to me and I decided to take a pause.

I've been thinking about making a comeback as my goal is to become affiliate on Twitch and the only thing I am missing is my average viewers being higher than 3, but there is still some hesitation. I don't want to jump back in and go back to having no body there. I also understand that when people do show up I need to keep them there, so I'm not naive.

When I do stream I generally try to keep my topics to gaming, general life topics, transition talk, and/or anything that wouldn't cause anyone else in chat to become uncomfortable.

With that being said, would anyone here on Tumblr even have any interest in watching either a gaming stream or just chatting stream?

[xchaosqueen13x]

Sitting here not knowing what pose to make 🤣 It's a problem sometimes, especially in such a small area🤣

[xchaosqueen13x]

I love when the terfs and tranphobes come out to play. They don't realize that they make me stronger and motivate me to be better in life. I almost feel bad for them, that they are so damaged that they need to tear other people down just to make themselves happy. In the end I don't feel bad though because it's their choice to be unaccepting. I simply block them and keep moving on with a smile on my face 😁

[xchaosqueen13x]

One of my favorite combination of things about a person is their eyes and smile. They can reveal so much about a person regardless of what they wear or how they sound or even what style they choose to go with.

It's a peek into their heart and their soul 😊