I will be updating this as i post my work so it won't get lost and try to organize my stuff a bit let's pray it works. Xdinary Heroes Works 🖤
FICS
-> Valentine's Tradition (4k, sfw, lighthearted fluff, friends to lovers, gaon x reader)
-> Love at First Bump (16.1k, sfw, light-hearted comedy fluff, gaon x reader)
-> Maybe It's Worth A Try (4k, sfw, lighthearted fluff, friends to lovers, jooyeon x reader)
-> A (Not Really) Secret Admirer (1.9k, sfw, fluffy fluff, established relationship, gaon x reader)
-> Better (12k, mostly sfw with a nsfw part at the end, menace junhan, best friends to lovers, junhan x reader)
-> Number 1 and...Number 1 (10k, sfw, rivals to lovers, lighthearted comedy fluff, college!au, jungsu x reader)
-> What Would Happen If I Kissed You? (3.5k, sfw, friends to lovers, confession but actually just lots of kissing and making out, gaon x reader)
-> What Are We Fighting For? (17k, sfw, ot6, mostly jiseok centered with a side of jooyseok but it's really about all of them, angst, hurt and comfort, happy ending)
-> Just Keep Quiet (1.4k, sfw but tension, jooyeon x reader, making out in secret, enemies in public lovers in secret)
-> Love Crash!!! (18k, sfw, snowboarder jungsu x reader, kinda rivals to lovers, ski resort au, both have a crush on each other since day one, lighthearted comedy, happy ending)
-> Who Is In Control? (2.3k, sfw but tension, seungmin x reader, coworkers and rivals that really raelly need each other like so bad it hurts, power play)
synopsis: quite literally dreaming girl lyrics breathed to life, abt hope and failure and dreams
It starts from nothing. There is no start. In fact, it came out of nowhere. Or did it? You try to convince yourself.
At what point did days blend into weeks blend into months? When your feet no longer walked but trudged, confident stride long gone. When your once poised and sharp posture slumped, rounded and weak. When the corners of your lips pointed downwards and slight creases left their traces across your face. To say life in the city mellowed you was an understatement.
Begrudgingly, you make your way to the company dinner. Yet another flurry of formalities and alcohol, when you could have spent your time better, elsewhere. You don’t detest being here. Everyone needs a break and a drink, even if under the guise of a compulsory “bonding” session with people you neither like nor dislike. Your eyes ghost over the flying droplets of spit and the puddles of beer one last time before you decide you need a break from this.
No one notices as you inch further from the buzz and slink away into the adjacent outdoor balcony. The balcony offers you a whiff of fresh air and relief. Trees sport browned, wilted leaves, signalling yet another season change. You look at the calm expanse up above you as gusts of wind faintly kiss your hair.
You’re brought back to the time you first arrived in this city. It was Autumn, too.
…
A bright sparkle had gleamed from your eyes as you absorbed the hustle and bustle of city life. Things you had never seen, things you had only dreamed of before. The myriad of cars and skyscrapers made you feel like you had been teleported into a new dimension entirely. Vibrant traces of spring faded into deeper, warm colours.
Far from boringness and predictability, the city was where you were going to make it.
You recalled the younger you, cheekily smiling and swearing to anyone who would bother listening,
“I’m going to become the most successful, rich, bestest person!”
You knew that you were going to do great. You were going to be the pride of your family. And you definitely were going to make something out of yourself.
Donning an eager smile, you dragged your luggage behind you, furthering your way into the city that you would now be caged in.
…
The city is cruel and unforgiving. This reality only surfaced far long after settling into the city, when the drapes of its alluring illusions fell apart at its seams.
I’d even call it a prison covered in sparkles, you ponder to yourself.
You are and have been climbing from the bottom since you got here.
It was a futile attempt, really, as the mechanisms and culture of the city painfully nipped at your budding wings, grounding how far you would ever be able to go.
You bite your lip and sigh bitterly to yourself. Stuck in a pathetic loop of toiling and bending your back over to make ends meet. A mundane office job with no view in horizon for job progression or advancement. A small, wretched fry, pitifully clawing at the bottom step of a ladder she’d never be able to climb on, let alone fly up.
Who wouldn’t want to make it far?
…
The next day, you head back to the office - a grotesque amalgamation of paper piles, last minute responsibilities, and power imbalances.
“Could you please help me take over this? I’m begging you, I really need your help…”
The shrill whines and pleas of slackers never ceased to harp on, similar to the sound of scratched nails on dry walls. You accept their request, bringing upon yourself more weight on your shoulders.
“This isn’t up to standard. I expected more from you.” Your boss’s heartless voice felt like a tight slap to the face. You had worked tirelessly on said project and poured your all into what you thought was perfection. You nod in acknowledgement, fingers tightening against the clipboard you are holding.
“You look tired…You’ve been through a lot, care for a cup of coffee?” your coworker chirps. You agree aimlessly. You don’t think they’d ever be able to understand.
When the clock swivels and ticks to 5.00pm, you stay on, redoing work, patching up your teammate’s flaws, ensuring the whole team can continue smoothly. In the dark office, only your flimsy desk lamp remains turned on. Your coffee cup is untouched and long cold.
The walk to the train is excruciating. You lug your body with each step, face blank, devoid of emotion. Once boarding the train, you settle on an empty seat at the edge of the cart. Looking down at your lap, you fiddle with your fingers for a bit, before clutching and hugging your bag tightly to your chest. Whatever comfort the flat surface of your laptop was providing, was better than nothing at all.
Perhaps, you think, I was simply meant to submit to the city.
Perhaps, I should give up wanting more.
You let yourself nod off slightly, transporting into a surreal wonderland of colour, mushrooms, teapots and ice cream, surrounded by rivers of chocolate and animal-shaped clouds.
Outside, rows and rows of buildings whizz past, and before you know it, you reach your stop.
…
The muted hum of traffic and city life persists through the thin walls of your apartment. You don’t bother turning on the lights, perfectly comfortable basking in the dim of shadows.
It’s noisy outside, you think.
You look out your window, taking in what view your measly apartment blessed you with. Bright, uncaring lights amidst tall, looming buildings entrapped the street in a concrete fortress sparsely decorated with glass and wood. A night filled with lights, shrouding the small bubble you call home.
You walk towards the window, to be met with a blank abyss of the night sky.
No stars? You stupidly think.
Of course there are no stars, silly. You live in the city.
Tilting your head up, you clamp your eyes shut.
Inhale, exhale.
With that, you allow your shell to shatter.
The weight of nothing, anything, something, everything, comes crashing down all at once.
Past your thin eyelids, you imagine soaring through a vivid azure vast generously sprinkled with twinkling stars, letting the apples of your cheeks bathe in tears. You feel like you’re floating, head spinning and body light, but it’s helpless against the weight of your heavy heart, dragging your body down into the abyss of loathe and regret. It feels like you’re falling, your flimsy body submitting to the magnetic pulls of your heart, and you collapse onto the floor, on your knees.
Why am I even reacting like this? Why am I crying?
Forget heavy, your heart feels like it’s on fire as you paw and thump at your burning chest, intense and tingling. You want to rip it out, tear it out, to feel something. You hardly let a sound out, your small room overflowing with soft thuds at your chest and the quiet murmur of the street below. The darkness of your room envelopes you, cloaking you in your misery and loneliness.
The pounding eventually stops, bringing your small room to a still.
…
A shrill ring pierces the momentary peace, as you panic and read the caller ID, Mom.
Afraid of letting anything slip out, you cover your mouth and choke back your wails once you press “Accept”.
“Hello dear?”
Your world is thrown back in a whirl, and the faucets begin to pour once again. Her voice alone rekindles the flaming ache of your poor heart. You never want to disappoint her. To tell her how pathetic you are. How far you’ve come.
Broken, fallen, hurt, small.
Shame, helplessness, and shattered dreams -
Reality.
Adjusting your body, you trap your head in between your knees, blocking your ears, and continuing to shield your mouth. You rock your body back and forth, attempting to soothe yourself.
“How have you been?”
How do you even tell her? Where do you even start?
Words threatened to overflow and tumble out of your mouth. Your lip trembles.
Mom.
I really meant to do well.
“Are you there babe?”
But,
nothing is happening.
I have nothing.
I am nothing.
“Did you accidentally mute yourself?” Her amused voice chuckles through your phone.
This place that I’ve come
To truly follow my dreams
Is too cold
Is too overwhelming
Your heart stirs as you parrot how disappointing you are to yourself. You’ve fallen short. You’re nothing. On the other end of the phone, your mother mumbles something about you falling asleep, smacking her lips to mimic a kiss sound, before hanging up.
Once again, a blaring silence pervades your room. The silence is not deafening. The silence remembers. The silence remembers and echoes the concerned, loving voice of your mother, crawling over your skin, writhing around your heart in a chokehold. The silence extracts and mocks your negative thoughts from within you, a cruel purr of dissonance. Your tears continue to cascade down your face.
A muffled “ping!” commands your attention.
A follow-up text from your mother, reading:
“Have a sweet dream for tonight!”
Maybe, just maybe.
I can hold on.
For a bit longer.
You wipe your tears and wish her a goodnight, with fresh drops on your phone’s screen making you input the letters wrongly. Maybe it was time to sleep it off. You yield yourself to exhaustion, fluttering your eyelids shut for the last time tonight.
But
I’ll try
to
persist.
There is no start, and there is no end. To pain, to success, to change.
I believe you’ll overcome everything.
A dreaming girl who is too beautiful to be faded.
No need to be fearful,
Everything’s gonna be alright.
Everything’s gonna be alright.
a/n: hope u enjoyed! first fic and it isnt even a 'normal' fic :) maybe you're the dreaming girl, too. don't give up. even if theres no end in sight in the short term. you can do it! :D if you cried reading this it would make me happy #sadism
words: 2.3k
tags: o.de x reader, sfw but TENSION!!, genderless reader(is the right term idk pls help), rivals with crazy sexual tension, coworkers, he's the CEO's son, they both need each oteher SO BAD, he's wearing a suit and tie in my head, POWER PLAY!!!, he kinda likes to be mocked and ordered around ngl, he's so hhnnhhgh, fuck you or..../fuck/ you??, no clothes are off but somehow that makes it even worse because ohmygod pls just go home and do SOMETHING
plot: Seungmin HATES to not be in control in every single aspect of his life, so when you show up in his life his first instinct is to hate your guts because how dare you make him lose his mind daily while arguing and have him go home and think about how badly he needs you? Things take a turn when you go into his office during one of the company's parties and you both try to make the other one break first.
Seungmin was a respectable man. He never did things that weren't a direct order, and he hated whenever anything went sideways. Even if it was the laptop on his desk being two millimeters too close to his mug, he had to fix it. Things had to be perfect at all times: schedules, meetings and most importantly, his feelings.
There was no room for failure, or an unexpected factor to possibly disrupt the way his future will turn out. He was never a big fan of surprises, whether it be birthdays or having to postpone a deadline. Whenever his routine got messed with, his entire nervous system shut down.
That is exactly why, from the moment his eyes met yours in the conference room, he made a decision: he hates you. He hates the way you spiraled into his life on a random Tuesday afternoon, introduced as a new collaborator, the way your clothes always sit perfectly on your body perfectly showing your collarbones because you know that is one of the most sensual features about you, the way you carry yourself with such certainty and confidence.
He especially hates the way he cannot stop his mind from wandering whenever your eyes meet. How do you look when you're not telling someone off for turning in a sloppy presentation? How do you look when you're at home, changed out of your office attire having a cup of coffee right after waking up?
How would you look with him? Lights dim, breath hot against his? How would you sound? How would you be afterwards? Would you pick up your clothes and leave in the middle of the night or stay in until the morning?
He hates it. His mind is absolutely plagued and no matter how much time passes, he is incapable of doing anything other than loosen up his tie whenever a thought about you pops up in his head. It's been three months and the only think he can think of is how exhausting it is to see you every day and have your perfume fill the halls of this cursed building, making it impossible for him to escape you.
Even at home, when it should be just him and his thoughts, his safe space, you're there. Your smell, somehow haunting him, on his clothes after standing next to you for a meeting, the papers you handed him with the data for the project you're currently working on, hell, even on his hands from the time earlier on today you mockingly shook his hand with a sarcastic smile.
He feels like a pervert. He feels like he shouldn't even be allowed to have these thoughts about you. After all, all you really want is to piss him off on purpose and make him lose his patience, his self-control.
This is a game, for the both of you. You are both aware of it. In reality, everyone around you is aware too, observing and whispering to themselves, waiting for the day in which a winner will be declared. It feels exhausting and exhilarating at the same time, knowing that for once, someone is at his level, that for once, someone even dares to make Oh Seungmin doubt himself.
What the prize is, neither of you can really tell. The lines started to become blurry a long time ago. What was supposed to be a simple company party suddenly turned into a push and pull of who will be the first one to break and excuse their behavior with the alcohol running through their veins.
You can't even remember how you two ended up in his office, away from the main party, the music still booming through the hallways. You can't remember how long it's been since the party has started and no matter how much you two would like to pretend that you're now on his lap because you had to drink more than you can handle, you know that's a lie.
Playing with Seungmin is fun. It's fun because even with all of his bitchy replies and eyes rolling, you could tell. Since day one, you saw the way his eyes would drop to your lips whenever you two would argue, or the way he'd let himself stare for a moment too long at your figure walking away after a heated discussion in the meeting room.
You've accepted a long time ago that whatever was happening between you two was not something to get over, or to let go of. It was impossible to even try to pretend when at night, before going to sleep you'd find yourself more than once closing your eyes and chanting his name in a quiet whisper under your sheets.
Neither of you wanted to break first, but as days passed by, it was harder and harder to keep up the pretense. Tension started to feel suffocating. What used to be passing thoughts when you'd see his hand grip onto his pen in anger whenever you'd give a snarky remark now became constant daydreaming of how he'd look unbuttoning his shirt more than just two buttons when he gets annoyed over a project not turning out the way he expected.
You knew he wanted to break, he wanted to let go and just say 'fuck it', let himself feel unsure of the outcome for once and allow his emotions to get the best of him, but he was just too prideful for his own good.
That is exactly why today, while arguing once again over the direction of your new shared project you two agreed to check the data on his laptop to prove a point. It was a lame excuse, an excuse that no one with half common sense would believe, and yet, here you two were. Alone, tension that could be cut with a knife surrounding you two.
When he leans against his chair after closing the tab with a pleased expression, you find yourself making the first move without even realizing. You turn his chair so he can face you, leaning closer to him.
"Seungmin." No reply. The man stares at you, tense, guarded but still comfortable in his seat as if his legs were glued to the floor. He doesn't say anything, doesn't pull away, doesn't move. He simply looks up at you, a mix of intrigue and fear. "C'mon, look at me." You whisper as you lean closer, index caressing the side of his jaw before making the blonde look at you.
"No, I-" He starts, but his words get caught in his throat when his eyes meet yours. "I shouldn't…" Seungmin gulps, eyes tracing the curve of your shoulders then jaw.
"But you want to, don't you?" The question comes out in a mocking hum, tilting your head while getting closer to him.
At this point, the other's eyes are glued on your lips, a shaky breath escaping his own. His eyes close tightly for a split second, swallowing the air he can't exhale and letting his hands grip onto the chair's armrests. "Shit.." The blonde exhales almost bitterly, dropping his head down before opening his eyes and looking at you through his eyelashes. "Would You stop If I told you to?"
He doesn't need an actual answer. Seungmin knows you would, if it ever really came down to it, if he ever truly asked you to. He also knows that you're perfectly aware of how pathetic he looks right now, nails digging into the armrests as a drop of sweat glistens down his temple.
"If You wanted me to stop, yes." You speak lowly, hand wrapping around his tie to yank him slightly closer as you part his legs with yours. "But that's not what this is…Is it, Seungmin?" You tilt your head innocently, words barely above a rasp before you sit down on his lap. "You just can't stand the idea of not having control for once."
The irritation is clear in his eyes and yet, his Adam's apple moves as he swallows against your knuckles that still hold onto his tie, chest feeling tight and palms sweaty. "I always have control." The man retaliates, and it almost makes you laugh. "I'm not going to let you do this just to have something against me."
His finger twitches against the chair, as if itching to touch you. You look down at his fingers, your lips curling into a small satisfied smile, hand that was around his tie now also holding his jaw. "You know me so well." You hold his jaw tighter and make him tilt his head backwards just enough to look up at you. "But if you really had that much control, I wouldn't be here."
Seungmin's eyes are hazy. He can barely see what's in front of him. All he can focus of is the feeling of your hand around his tie, your fingertips over on his cheeks and the way your body presses against him just enough to make him let a small curse to himself.
"What good does it serve any of us?" The man rasps, one hand reaching for the one that is holding his jaw. For a split second, he almost fools you. That is until you feel the electricity of his touch lingering over the side of your waist over your clothes. "It would just be an inconvenience."
His words are cold and calculated but you can see it: that glint in his eyes, the quiet plea to keep going, the way his palm slowly drops to your thigh in a silent challenge. Your thumb caresses the side of his jaw, breath burning hot against his as you lean your body closer to him when his hand moves up your waist with more intention. "You should've thought about that a long time ago."
"It's not too late, though." Seungmin breathes out a sigh, although his fingers dig into your side before reluctantly pulling his hand away, resting it back on the armrest. "You're not'-" he tries but stops midway when you grind once. It was a gentle movement, the intention wasn't even to get him worked up, you just wanted to get closer on his lap and yet, you felt him pulsate from under you.
He needs to take back control, and quick. It's too late to push you away or feign this doesn't affect him. So, he does the next best thing and grips onto your waist, getting up from his chair and putting you down as your lower back presses against the edge of the desk. You let out a choked up gasp, eyes wider as you look up at him, chest moving faster and breaths getting heavier.
"You're not the only one that knows how to play." He rasps, your hand slowly loosening the grip around his tie as he holds your sides firmly, knuckles going white and you can't even be bothered at the thought that it might bruise. You hope it does.
Breaths are heavier, the air feels harder to swallow and your head feels dizzy. Seungmin's cheeks are flushed pink, pressing against you shamelessly and you feel a familiar knot starting to burn in the pit of your stomach. "Maybe not…" You gulp, licking your lips before letting go of his tie, allowing your hands to now roam over his chest, unbuttoning one single extra button. "But I'm better at it."
Seungmin looks down at you, hands slowly roaming over your ribs, a sharp exhale masked as a chuckle leaving his lips. "You were the one to follow me here, weren't you?" The blonde rasps, a shaky breath escaping him when your hands slowly move from his chest to his abs over his button-up, leaning in as if he was about to kiss you but stopping midway when he sees you tilt your chin up for him.
"You're right, I did." You nod, getting your face closer to him. "I didn't come here for something to happen, Seungmin." At that, the man's hands drop to your waist again, tilting his head with a raised eyebrow. "I came here to prove a point." You whisper, lips almost brushing over his.
"What's the point?" The taller urges you, lightly pushing himself harder on you, your hands twitching against his shirt before griping onto it, looking at him with doe eyes.
"That you're not as strong as you'd like people to think." You reply confidently, pushing him away just enough to get out from under him. "I'm leaving the party early." You announce while fixing your clothes as you clear your throat, back turned to him as he brushes his hair back in frustration once before sitting back on his chair. "Game's over Seungmin." You turn around to look at him over your shoulder, trying to gain back composure. "You know where I live."
He hates the confident tone in which you've said it and he hates the sound of your shoes clinking against the hall after the door shuts in front of him and your figure is no longer there for him to enjoy. He hates how easy it was for you to prove the one thing he's been trying to avoid for months.
Seungmin especially hates how his pulse is raising and he can feel his blood pump through his veins as he processes everything that just happened, and how he knows for certain that the moment he gets up from this chair, it won't be the party he'll be headed to.
He hates the fact that you won. All of the hard work he's put into putting up a facade and making everyone think he is the most composed and unbreakable person in this building, down the drain in a single night.
Seungmin sighs, a resigned curse escaping his lips before he gets up, grabbing the keys to his car and his jacket, making his way out of the building without even bothering to make up some lame unbelievable excuse for why he's leaving the party this early.
#LoveCrash!!! Gunil making Jooyeon take a picture of him in the snow while Jungsu is besides them ripping his hair out because he almost kissed you because they really can't be bothered after the twentieth time he screamed and slapped his own face in terror (they're tired) (pls read the fic guys PLSPLSPLS)
#LoveCrash!!! Junhan when he meets someone at the resort and stumbles with their order and then asks for extra shifts just to keep seeing them and they become a regular and--
words: 18k
tags: rivals to lovers (barely rivals they just like to annoy each other), sfw, light herated comedy, happy ending, snowboard au!!, fem reader, ski resort trip with seungmin and his gf, ski champion!seungmin + snowboard champion!jungsu, jungsu is at the same time the most cocky and the most nervous dude alive, everyone knows, hell even they know, nervous idiots in love, jungghhsusuuhuu, he wants her so bad he gets sick to his stomach, bartender!junhan, jooyeon and gunil make an appearance too, jungsu is such a MAN, jungsu is wrapped around her finger btw
plot: you third wheel seungmin and his girlfriend on a ski trip because jiseok's fake ass got sick befoew it and because you're stupid and like to challenge faith you go down a professional slope and crash into the dude you can't stand. You break his board and he makes you work at his café to pay back for it. Oh, and you try (and kinda fail) to learn how to snowboard.
(had this plot before academic rival jungsu can you tell) (kinda inspired by cloud9) (late christmas present if you will)
This was supposed to be a fun little vacation with your friends, not an episode of 'Survivor' where you had to walk for what felt like hours on end close to knee covering snow just to get to the skiing area. You were supposed to drink hot chocolate, ice skate and take a few pictures just to make sure your mom didn't think a bear swallowed you whole as soon as you got to the resort.
Instead, here you were, walking behind your friends, tiredly dragging your feet through the snow as you were wondering if it was too late to secretly get inside Seungmin's car and drive home, leaving them behind to enjoy the hell they call a vacation.
When you decided to take a two weeks break at a ski resort to check it off your bucket list and maybe learn how to ski because *something* good had to come out of one of your closest friends being a two times champion, you didn't really think it meant that you'll have to go through this.
"I'm starting to think this is a humiliation ritual." You whine once you get to the top of the ski rail after catching up to the oh so happy couple. "I can't believe Jiseok bailed on me and left me with you two degenerates. Kwak Jiseok you fucking traitor..." You grumble as Seungmin clips your boots onto the skis.
"Don't blame me, blame him for catching a cold. If you were such a good friend you would've sat at home to take care of him." Seungmin teases with a shrug, his girlfriend smacking his arm, earning a small scoff from the older.
"And miss out on third wheeling you guys? No way!" You reply with fake excitement, adjusting your gloves, already feeling too overwhelmed for your own good. "Aren't you supposed to take care of your injury instead of teaching me? You can't even ski right now."
"Hey!" The blonde exclaims offended, turning to your friend to gear her up as well. "I can ski if I'm careful. I sprained my ankle, didn't break my leg." Seungmin argue with a roll of his eyes, patting the helmet on your friend's head. "It's not like I need to do much, just teach you how to not fall on your ass."
"No it's fine, I'll just pray to God I don't break something...and that I end up being better than her." You point to your friend squinting as she lets out a small snicker at the over confidence.
"Okay, first and most important thing, don't overdo it. We're on the beginner slope but If you think it's too high for you we go on plain land. I would like to think I don't have to say this but I will regardless so...Whatever you do don't even THINK about doing anything without supervision. We don't want any deaths." Seungmin explains seriously while pointing to you two, before going over the basics.
After a series of curses and constant falls that probably bruised you in places you didn't even know you could get bruised, you finally got the hang of it (kinda) and was able to slide down the beginner slope. Sure, you had to throw yourself to the side with a pained yelp to stop before running over a give year old but...a win is a win, right?
The second day, after not seeing any improvement in your skiing, you made the most logical decision to switch to snowboarding. After all, if you're not good at one, that can only mean you're probably incredibly good at the other. Seungmin pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly and sighed in resignation when you made the responsible financial decision to not only rent a board but straight-up buy it since "Pft, I can skateboard, how difficult can this be?" but agreed to teach you.
Turns out, it was in fact, very extremely frustratingly difficult. If on skis you couldn't bend your knees the right way, on the snowboard you couldn't even keep your balance for more than five seconds. "How come you know how to snowboard too? Is this like the snow equivalent of guitarists knowing how to play bass?" You frown, arms violently flopping around as you try to maintain your balance.
"I have a good friend that's a pro, he taught me." The blonde smiles warmly, holding his girlfriend's waist as he corrects her posture. "We actually met on this slope a few years ago."
Your friend, turns out, was actually pretty good at snowboarding, so you were now even more motivated to get good at it and soon. You two were more than comfortable on the small slope but seeing Seungmin longingly stare at the professional one made your hearts ache so, against better judgement, you agree to go with him and so he can get it out of his system.
You both insisted that it's a bad idea because his injury, although not serious, wasn't fully healed but after a few emotional manipulation tactics you found yourselves on top of the professional slope.
"Be careful?" Your friend smiles worriedly, cupping her boyfriend's face, only to earn a cocky scoff after he gets on his board. A small punch on his arm and a quick peck on his lips later, Seungmin goes down the slope happily, and you can't help but stare at the two, soft smile on your lips.
They made sense. Ever since they first met, everyone knew they will eventually get together. It was the type of relationship that made people turn their heads and sigh dreamily. Sometimes you wondered, if you'd ever get to experience something like that.
Seeing Seungmin so confident in how badly you'll do only made you want to prove him wrong and brag about how dramatic he is. "Do you wanna try?" You ask your friend after the blonde reaches the bottom and signals you that he'll go grab some food, disappearing from your sight.
"Here? You're insane, what if we die??" She asks with wide eyes, but you can tell that deep down she wants to try just to impress her boyfriend and maybe brag about how it wasn't even that big of a deal because if there's one person in this world that's more stubborn than you, it's her.
"But if we don't and we get to make fun of him for thinking it's harder than it was??" You argue teasingly, and when she lets out a resigned sigh you know you convinced her.
"Alright, but we have to hurry before he comes back." The other nods, putting her glasses on and making a small cross sign, just in case. "On three." You both count down and slide down with a speed neither of you were ready for.
Saying that Seungmin was terribly horribly wrong about how hard and complicated it is to get the hang of it is an understatement because although your friend fell in a few seconds, you somehow are still on the board, going at an ungodly speed with no idea of how to stop.
Telling yourself you were just that good at it instead of admitting that you might die in about thirty seconds sounded better so, although you could throw yourself onto the ground to not crash onto the person in front of you, you don't. There's no time to think, let alone react, so here you are, crashing full speed into this stranger.
The man lets out a pained grunt rolling around with you, arms wrapped around your waist on instinct when you fall on top of him. "What the fuck-" He groans, with a cough, red jacket covered in snow as you look at him mortified.
After taking your glasses and scarf off, you clumsily get up, stretching your hand out for him. "Oh my god I'm so sorry i-" He doesn't take your hand, too busy mumbling and scoffing as he gets up on his own and brushes the snow off his body anoyedly. When he takes his helmet and glasses off with a wince, you widen your eyes even more. "Jungsu??"
"Ye-what are you doing here?" He starts, patting away his jacket, stopping in his tracks when his eyes fall on you.
It's not that you and Jungsu hated each other, it's just that you had well…different opinions. He preferred mountains, you preferred the sea. He liked white chocolate, you thought it was the worst invention the nature came up with besides dolphins. Small differences wouldn't even be that big of a deal but he also just so happened to be the one to take your spot as the best student in your English class which you very much did not appreciate.
All of that considered, it's safe to say that you crashing into him of all people, was the worst possible outcome of your stupid idea. Even worse than crashing on a rock and breaking your neck, actually.
"I'm on a trip with my friends, i- are you okay??" You ask worriedly, because against your deep dislike of him, the last thing you needed was him filing a police report against you. Jungsu, however, simply takes the two pieces of board in his hand, wiggling them in front of you with an irritated glare.
"I am, but she's dead." He notes, a smile involuntarily creeping up on his face as he chuckles. "You never really struck me as a professional snowboarder type." He teases, glancing down at the board still securely clipped on your feet before turning around and starting to walk back up.
"Well about that…" You say in a small voice. "Wait! Uh- can you…" You raise your voice a little, making him turn his head back, looking at you confused. You look down at your board and shoes, and he immediately gets the hint, shaking his head, coughing to hide a smile.
"And why would I help you?" The taller hums, staring down at you, amused at the pleading whines escaping your lips."Did your instructor never tell you not to go down a professional slope as a beginner?" He judges, squatting down to unlock your board from your shoes. Now, you don't specifically like Jungsu, but you'd lie if you said your heart didn't do a small jump when he looked up at you while asking the question.
"He kinda doesn't know…" You purse your lips, thanking him before grabbing the board and walking alongside him. "Wait, aren't the cabins the other way?"
"No one takes the cabins to go to the top, you just walk back up. You can go take one if you want though, since you suck ass at this." He shrugs, making you grumble something about him being a horrible human being, before rushing up to catch up to him.
"I'm sorry about the board... I didn't do it on purpose." You purse your lips, the older tilting his head towards you with a raised eyebrow. "What? I'm serious!" You try to defend yourself, struggling to hold your board under your arm with all the layers you're currently wearing. "Are you alright though?" You ask slightly worried, making the boy next to you let out an amused scoff, taking the board from under your arm and carrying it.
"Yeah, you suck at snowboarding but at least it was a good fall and we didn't break any bones, huh?" You stare at him for a second, taken aback by the action, clearing your throat and looking in front of you again, when you hear him sigh dramatically. "Unless you were planning on killing me with the crash as revenge for me getting a bigger grade on our project together last week, to which I say you failed to do some real harm."
You roll your eyes with a small smile at the familiar banter, kicking some snow into his direction. "If I wanted to do some real damage I would've done so."
The thing about you and Jungsu was that although you didn't exactly get along, being with him never felt awkward. It felt familiar. For some strange reason, it felt safe. No matter how much you two butted heads over assignments or whether pineapple on pizza was an abomination or not, at the end of the day, he was still the one to sneak a chocolate bar to you during a long conference when you got dizzy from a sugar level drop.
"I don't doubt it, fucking snowboard terminator 3000." Jungsu scoffs amused, annoyance from before completely forgotten when he sees your offended face, groaning and pushing back after he almost falls from you hitting his arm.
You go back and forth for a few seconds, silence falling over, until you speak up. "I'm really sorry, you know, I can pay you back or like get you a new one!" You offer, the man looking at you with a raised eyebrow.
"So you have 1,500 bucks on hand?" Jungsu asks, stopping in his tracks to stare at you unimpressed, and you choke on your own spit.
"You're bullshitting." You say, mouth agape. The older however, simply shrugs, flicking your forehead before pointing out there's a reason he's on the professional slope, unlike you.
You let out a defeated groan, thinking about how many days you can go without food or water to pay him back as soon as possible so he won't hold it against you, the way you know he will.
The taller one looks at you amused, and you try your best to not stare at Jungsu's rosy cheeks or the way his big hands hold onto the boards. Now, you disliked him, yes, but, he was admittedly one of the most gorgeous people you've ever seen and that only added to the overall annoyance. Pretty much everyone in your friend group has teased you multiple times about liking him because apparently it is NOT normal to find the café he works at just to be absolutely annoying and ask for overly complicated drinks every single day just to piss him off.
You wouldn't admit it out loud even if there was a gun pointed to your head, but deep down you knew that if you were to ever lose what you two have you'd lose your mind. Bickering with Jungsu was what kept you sane during exam season and you started to accept that maybe a part of you simply hated him because he was everything you liked in a guy and he just so happened to be the one person that couldn't stand you. Whatever, it's not like he'd ever even look at you, especially not now when you broke his concerningly expensive board.
When you finally reach the top of the slope again, you find your friend and Seungmin talking worriedly. You get pulled into a tight hug by your friend as the other stares at you unimpressed, standing with his arms crossed.
"I thought we agreed on no accidental deaths." Seungmin squints, but before you could reply, a cocky voice comes from behind you.
"I was the one about to accidentally die, she fell on me." Jungsu bites, and Seungmin's expression instantly lights up upon seeing his friend.
"You didn't tell me you're gonna be around!" He grins after dabbing the other up, your friend sharing a look with you, letting out a small noise after you pinch her arm as a response to her knowing smile.
"Are you kidding me? It's competition season. 'course I'm around, I've got one in a week. Are you gonna stick around to watch a real pro?" Jungsu smirks, making the other man roll his eyes with a smile.
"The only reason you're gonna win is because I don't wanna go pro with snowboarding." Seungmin argues, the both of them somehow completely forgetting you and your friend are even around.
"No, the reason I'll win is because I'm the best around. And you can't go pro with snowboarding because you suck." The older man says jokingly, kicking some snow on his friend's legs.
"Wait- competition season??" You ask confused, looking at the blonde, turning your head to your friend, scoffing betrayed. "You mean this was a snowboarding competition type trip? Not a friendship fun bucket list type trip??"
"Well, not exactly! The dates just overlapped!" Your friend raises her hands in defense, wincing when she sees your unimpressed stare.
"Yea, technically it's NOT a snowboarding competition trip!" Seungmin defends himself before continuing. "It's a ski trip that just so happened to have a snowboarding competition scheduled to which we conveniently have tickets for." He explains quickly in one breath, hiding behind Jungsu when you move towards him threateningly.
Jungsu snickers looking down at you amused with a tilt of his head. Asshole. You squint at him, pointing a finger to his chest, poking it. "Don't you have some snowboarding to do?"
"Oh I do, too bad my *board is broken*." Jungsu argues, dropping your board down just to hold the two pieces of his broken one in front of you and wiggling it once again. "You still need to pay me back for it."
"Well I can't pay you back *now*!" You groan, picking up your board with a scoff. "Here, you can have mine." You say, shrugging, which earns you an unimpressed look from the black haired man.
"This board is for beginners. As in children." He scrunches his nose, the both of you now arguing back and forth, making both of your*fake* friends snicker.
"Okay you guys, we need to go back since we forgot to-" Seungmin starts, taking a step to the side from behind Jungsu, signaling to your friend while mouthing something you can't decipher.
"Yeah that thing!" His girlfriend nods quickly, walking with him while waving to you two. "You know where the hotel is, right? Yep- Okay, yeah- see you later!" They hurriedly say their goodbyes before leaving you in the middle of the snow, alone, with Jungsu.
The two of you blink at them perplexed, standing quietly and looking at the couple walking away while giggling together. Now that you get to really take a look around, you two seem to be the only ones on the slope. It was night, it was cold, and you really wanted some hot chocolate. You and Jungsu look at each other for a split second before letting out a scoff, starting to walk towards the coffee shop near the slope.
You hear the rustling sound of Jungsu's clothes from behind you, and you figured that he would eventually go away but after ten minutes or so of walking and his presence still very much intoxicating the air around you with his cheap perfume, you turn around with a full stop. "Why are you following me?" You ask, the man's eyebrows scrunching.
"The nerve..." He scoffs annoyedly, poking the inside of his cheek as he points to the café behind you. "Why I-I work here! Why are *you* following *me*?" He asks making his way towards the door, making sure to let it almost hit you after he walks in.
You let out a small curse barely dodging the door and get inside, taking off your helmet and scarf. You make your way to a table near the window, looking around the empty café as Jungsu says goodbye to the other bartender and takes his place. "I want a mug of hot chocolate. I was hoping to catch the competent bartender, but since I'm left with no other choice..." You smile sarcastically.
He returns the smile, breathing through his nose once then going to the back and taking off his gear. When he comes back, you try to ignore the lump in your throat. The older is wearing a black hoodie under his apron, his black hair somehow still sitting perfectly parted and his sleeves rolled up, showing a single silver bracelet matching his rings. Annoying.
He makes sure to take his time preparing your hot chocolate, attending about three people before he even starts heating your chocolate, because of course he makes sure to drag this on for as long as possible. After all, what are you going to do? Complain? Make his job easier by going home? Pft, as if. You know the mind games he's trying to play, and that's exactly why you refuse to let him win. So, instead of letting your annoyance shine through, you scroll on your phone mindlessly as you wait for your order. He comes to your table after about twenty minutes, placing the hot chocolate in front of you. The white hot chocolate.
"What is this?" You ask, blinking a few times upon seeing the color, raising your head to see an innocent smile plastered on his stupid face. You look around, biting your lip and letting out a small shaky breath with your eyes closed as you try to keep your composure, the other pursing his lips into an amused pout.
Jungsu licks his lips, instantly changing his expression as he leans down, lightly brushing his thumb and index over your chin. "Our special hot chocolate. For a special girl." He smiles sweetly, sitting up straight before pushing the ticket towards you, dropping his smile. "That'll be 4,67." He rasps seriously, and you just about cough at the price.
"Does it come with a full meal???" You stare down at the mug, straw moving the marshmallows around carefully as you inspect the drink.
"Well, it's special, hence the name. You didn't specify the type you wanted…" He sighs, shaking his head in fake disappointment while taking your money. "So I took a few creative liberties. Oh, unless…you don't like white chocolate?"
You strangle him mentally. Fucker. Now that you think of it. maybe you actually wouldn't mind taking a break from Jungsu and living a peaceful life without having someone constantly trying to push your buttons...and succeeding.
"Ah, I see. How sweet of you." You grit your teeth, looking him dead in the eyes as you sip onto the drink because you refuse to let him think he's got the upper hand, the man licking his lips amused with a hum, giving you a quick wink before walking behind the counter and writing the register. You take a small breath and take a sip, nearly gagging at the taste. You think you hear Jungsu let out a small chuckle as he's rearranging pastries, which only motivates you to keep drinking.
After a while, the clients are all gone and you're once again left with Jungsu. You could've left too but you still had half of it filling the mug, the melted whipped cream staring at you mockingly. First you almost die, then you break this asshole's board and now you're stuck with him in a café trying not to stare at the way the veins on his hands pop out when he cleans the counter. This really isn't your day.
You sigh as you look at the drink sitting in front of you, and against your determination you decide to give up on it and let Jungsu have the win, wrapping the scarf around your neck tiredly. Jungsu spent the past half hour burning, hitting and injuring himself, too busy staring at you to be careful when cleaning the milk frother.
However, before you could get up, a mug of dark hot chocolate with whipped cream and mushrooms got placed in front of you. Your hands freeze on your gloves and look up from your table, only to be met with Jungsu's softened expression. "You looked like you were about to get food poisoning. Or kill yourself. Actually, both." He whispers, clearing his throat when he catches himself smiling, before continuing. "Which I wouldn't mind, just not on my shift."
You let out a small hum, lips curling upwards and thanking him as Jungsu's cheeks heat up. From the hard labor he's been doing, obviously. "Why're you working if you have a competition in a week? Shouldn't you focus on that?" You ask out of curiosity after he tells you to hurry up with your drink because he has to close soon.
He doesn't seem to mind the small talk, but really, he never does. People know Jungsu to be one to prefer listening rather than talking, but he's the one that two weeks ago made the two of you be late to a presentation because he wouldn't shut up about this one new annoying substitute teacher while you were trying to write an essay next to him.
"Well, I have to somehow pay for my stance here, don't I? The sports pass covers a lot of the expenses, but the coffee shop covers my food and room. The hotel's a fancy one." He explains, walking towards you, taking the white chocolate mug from the table and finishing it in one go.
"Didn't you have a house here?" You ask confused, looking at the way his Adam's apple moves as he drinks before clearing your throat and looking around the shop.
"My uncle has a house here. Not me." Jungsu clarifies, grabbing the two empty mugs and heading towards the counter with you following close behind.
"What if I take your shifts until you finish with the competition?" You call out as the other washes the remaining dishes, wiping his hands on a towel with an intrigued expression once he's back. "As payback, for your board. At least some of it. That way you'll have more time to focus on that."
He seems to think about it for a few seconds, but leaves to the back without an answer, coming back with his apron off and keys in his hand. "I don't trust you with my job. You're probably gonna get me fired." He says simply, putting his backpack over his shoulder and making his way towards the door.
You groan walking behind him, not noticing the glint in his eyes when you get closer to him as you try to convince him. "I have experience. Actually, I'll probably do a better job than you. C'mon, it's a win-win." You argue, the black haired boy rolling his eyes at your arguments, stepping outside with you, turning to lock the entrance.
Jungsu checks the lock twice, looking at you for a few moments, chuckling to himself when you clasp your hands together pleadingly, before pulling a piece of paper out of his backpack. "I'll stick around for two more shifts to give you the newbie training." He says, grabbing your hand to place the paper with his schedule in it, and you find yourself staring at his red knuckles, getting dizzy at the size difference.
You scan the paper, widening your eyes when you see that tomorrow his shift starts at seven in the morning. "Are you insane???" You whine, looking at the messy inconsistent schedule, the black haired man simply laughing at your pained expression.
"Deal's already on, sorry. It's the least you could do for almost killing me." He sighs dramatically, lips pursed in fake pain. You scowl, mumbling a '*fucking asshole*' to yourself and you could swear that not only has he heard you but smiled at the comment too.
You mindlessly walk with him, eyes focused on the file attached to the schedule, reading the shop rules that he so kindly attached to it. That's when you bump into the man in front of you with a yelp, taking a step back in surprise as you look at him.
"You're staying at this hotel?" He asks curiously, tilting his head towards the building and you let out a confident 'Yes' with a roll of your eyes, before taking a better look at the entrance, mentally kicking yourself.
You close your eyes annoyedly, face scrunched as you look up, only to be met with a very much entertained Jungsu. "Fuck.. I got too distracted with the papers-" You groan, looking around, biting your lip worriedly, checking your phone only to sigh. "Battery's dead. 'course it is." You mumble to yourself with a sigh, rubbing your face once after putting the phone back in your pocket.
"What hotel are you staying at?" Jungsu asks and when you tell him the name, he instantly shakes his head. "Yeah, there's no way you're gonna walk all the way back there. It's on the other side of the resort."
"You could come with me?" You suggest, making him throw his head back with a wholehearted laugh, waving his hand in front of you, trying to stop his laughter.
"So not only do you crash into me, break my board and stalk me to my work place only to bully me, now you also want me to take you back to your hotel because you're an airhead?" He adjusts the backpack over his shoulder, resting his weight on one leg, eyes scanning over your face and if you didn't know better you'd swear he looks endeared.
"You said it yourself it's too late! Plus my phone's dead and I don't know this place enough to go back without a map." Jungsu hums, crossing his arms amused while you freak out, saying something about how you could just call your friends from his phone. "It's late. They're probably asleep. Or having sex." You flinch, shaking your head, looking up at the black haired boy with doe eyes. "Either way they'll ignore me."
"Why're you looking at me like you want me to ask you to crash at my place?" He raises his eyebrows, immediately shaking his head when you make your eyes bigger. "Nope, no, absolutely not."
You sigh sadly, making sure he clearly sees your kicked puppy expression before turning around. "Alright I'll just walk back to my hotel by myself. I'll figure something out...Hopefully I don't get lost or worse…killed." You sigh dramatically looking at him from over your shoulder. When you see Jungsu's stoic expression and unbothered stance, you blink once, pursing your lips and starting to walk away.
You know you two don't exactly get along because of academics but against the playful bickering you liked to think you two could rely on each other if needed. He never struck you as the type of guy to not help someone in need if he could, especially someone he knows.
You look around as you make your way through the snow, when you hear a sigh from behind you. Before you know it, Jungsu's hand wraps around your wrist, dragging you inside the hotel with him. "We both have to get up early for work anyways." He mumbles irritatedly, avoiding your eyes as he gets into the elevator.
You smile to yourself, pulse quickening when you look down and notice his hand is still gently wrapped around your wrist against his tired expression. "Woah your room is so much nicer than mine." You gape as you walk into his room.
"Yea, one of the great benefits of selling your soul to the snowboarding gods. Have you eaten anything?" Jungsu asks placing the boards on the floor before taking his jacket off.
"Uh yeah- before going down the slope." You smile pained, mentally cursing when you hear your stomach grumbling loudly, hand instantly going over it with an embarrassed wince.
Jungsu gives you a concerned look, shaking his head before ordering some food. "Tsk you're really something." He mutters to himself as you take off your jacket and scarf, tossing you a towel and a pair of his pajamas, pointing to the bathroom. "Take a shower not a bath, I wanna go too."
"I can't believe you're sending me to shower- are you calling me dirty?!" You gape offended as Jungsu pushes you towards the bathroom from behind with a snicker.
"You never know these days." He smiles sarcastically, getting some pajamas for himself too. "Now go and don't take forever. We need to sleep soon. If you don't wake up on time in the morning, the deal's off and you'll have to pay me double."
You stare at him perplexed, only to be met with a downward smile as he raises his shoulders innocently, before closing the door to the bathroom once you get in. You take a look at yourself in the mirror and *god* he's such an asshole, why wouldn't he tell you you had some chocolate on your chin?? You grumble to yourself, wiping it away and turning the water on, when his voice resonates from the other side of the door. "Don't use my conditioner!"
Jungsu sounds casual. Key word: sounds. His teeth pull on his nail cuticles and he stares at the bathroom door, a headache pending to happen. You're here. Showering. In his bathroom. Great, yeah. He's doing great. He doesn't even *care*.
Showering stretched out for longer than normal, too busy spiraling about how you're supposed to act once you step out of the bathroom and sleep in the same room as him. You groan and gently hit your head with your hands a few times, trying to calm yourself down. "It's okay, It's not even that big of a deal. He's always been nice. He surely won't make fun of you and never speak to you ever again. Yeah, pft. Surely." You mumble, pointing to yourself in the mirror after changing into his clothes.
You stare at the clothes keeping your body warm, feeling your cheeks heat up. Jungsu's clothes that smell like his cologne, clinging onto your body as if he's- "Don't even think about it." You squint at the you in the mirror, taking a few moments to collect yourself.
You wait for the blush on your cheeks to dissolve slightly, jumping when you hear a knock on the door. "Did you fall into the toilet?" Jungsu teases, making you clear your throat and exit the bathroom with a straight face.
The man looks you up and down smugly as you walk past him with a scoff, before going into the bathroom. As soon as the door closes, he allows himself to bite his fist and grip onto the door with a pained expression, forehead resting against it. "I'm going to choke myself with the shower curtain." He winces quietly to himself, thinking about the way you look wearing his clothes, heart swelling. Jungsu stares at the door, biting his lip as a stupid grin plasters on his face and gets into the shower.
The doorbell suddenly rings. "Room service!" When you open the door and take a sneak peak at the food on the tray, your throat goes dry. You expected maybe some noodles or pizza, but no. Of course he had to be annoying and flaunt his money, and order the best food off that damn menu and *god* is that steak??
Just as the waiter is about to leave after telling you to enjoy dinner, you signal him to come closer and whisper-ask how much the order is, getting weak in the knees at the price. You thank him and close your eyes in annoyance, thinking about how now Jungsu's probably going to rub it in your face.
When Jungsu steps out of the bathroom, damp hair flawlessly falling on his face while wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a grey hoodie, You pretend to be on your phone, sitting cross legged on the bed. Nonchalantly.
"Oh, food's here?" Jungsu hums pleased as he starts placing the food trays on the bed, sitting cross legged in front of you. He starts eating in no time, letting out a small satisfied noise when he swallows. After some time of him eating and you quietly playing with the brightness and setting on your phone just to pretend you're doing something, he looks up at you confused. "Why aren't you eating?"
You shrug, replying in an unbothered tone. "Not hungry." You lie, and of course your stomach betrays you, growling louder than before. You purse your lips, sitting up straight and placing your phone aside. "Alright, fine. I already owe you a lot of money, I don't need you to rub this in my face too." You scoff, crossing your arms.
Jungsu's expression softens, letting out a small laugh. "You're concerningly stupid." He tilts his head, grabbing a piece of meat between his chopsticks, putting it in front of your lips. You purse your lips, but when he pokes your mouth with the meat you sigh, opening it and letting him feed you as you let out a pleased groan once you start chewing.
The black haired man shakes his head gently, feeding you some more as his eyes fall on the bit of sauce staining the corners of your mouth. "Now you're gonna make me hand feed you too? Isn't that a bit too romantic considering it's the first time you're over?" He asks, holding more food in front of your lips, instinctively wiping the sauce off with his thumb.
You stop chewing for a moment, taken aback before blinking quickly and taking another bite while shrugging. "You dragged me in here, I was going to walk back on my own."
"Oh, so now *I'm* in the wrong for not letting you die of hypothermia before getting eaten by a bear or something." Jungsu scoffs while eating some vegetables, holding back a smile. "I really can't ever win against you huh?" He asks jokingly, leaning his body closer to yours.
"You're already doing plenty of winning in class." You bite back, eating irritated as you grab the last piece of cheese before he could, but against your feisty attitude, Jungsu looks at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes. Of course, you are too busy mocking him when he groans saying he won fair and square to notice. "Googling the topic when you take a bathroom break isn't fair and square!" You correct as you point your chopstick to his face, squinting.
"There's no rule that says that." Jungsu argues, biting the chopstick while looking into your eyes, dragging it out of your hand by pulling away when you part your lips. "So, in theory, it *was* fair and square. You're just mad you can't make fun of me anymore for getting a lower grade. Sucker." He pokes his tongue out after stabbing the stake in your plate with your chopstick.
You throw a piece of lettuce at him, which of course he catches between his teeth. A tired grunt leaves your lips, putting your chopsticks down. "Are you serious right now??? God, you're so irritating."
"Oh come on, you're no fun." He grins, throwing some lettuce back at you, scrunching his nose pleased when you fail to catch it. "Wow, you're really not better than me at anything, huh?" He asks cockily.
You glare at him determinately, rolling your eyes before asking him to throw it again just to prove a point. When you catch it, the other lets out an impressive whistle, before shrugging. "Beginner's luck." So here you were, catching another piece he threw your way out of pure spite.
"Why are you always so competitive about everything? Do you ever just have some fun?" He asks absentmindedly, munching on his food.
The question takes you by surprise, since him of all people should know *exactly* Why. He's literally the cause of it. "You're joking right now…right?" You blink, making him stop mid chewing, shaking his head with an innocent frown.
"You-"You start, groaning with a sigh as you feel anger rising up in your chest. "You just- you're so irritating! You always try to outdo me! Every time I think I do well, You show up doing *better*! Don't even get me started on how I know damn well the teacher likes you way more than she likes me, because even when we hand in the same assignment she still grades yours higher." You say in one breath, the black haired man frozen in his place at the sudden outburst, lips parted as he stares at you quietly. "It's just- You don't get it! It's so annoying to think I have to fight twice as hard for stuff you easily get!"
Jungsu's demeanor changes as the last sentence leaves your lips, looking at you offended. "Easily?? You think I get what I get out of pity? Luck? Favoritism?? I work for it. I juggle having a demanding hobby that I take very seriously, a job *and* school while living alone and you think I get better grades because the teacher's got a crush on me??"
His tone is stern, but you can see the pain behind his eyes, and for the first time you feel *bad*. You didn't mean for it to sound as shitty as it is, but it is true you resent him slightly for one-upping you, which is stupid because that's *exactly* what you like about him. You like being around someone that doesn't let you have it easy, that always pushes you to do better, be better, even if it's out of spite.
It's stupid. It constantly feels as if your heart and your brain are butting heads and you don't know whether competing with Jungsu every breathing moment of your life is the best or the worst thing that has happened to you. Still, when you see him shake his head quietly as he plays with his food, your heart aches. It hurts because you realize the only person that took all of this so personally was you.
Jungsu never had a secret agenda, or some hidden wish to humiliate you by thriving to be better than you. He's just a guy that puts effort into everything he does and he was unlucky enough to exist in the same timeline as someone that's ten times more competitive and stubborn than him. The same guy who always messed up your hair when seeing you on the hallways was also the one to sit next to you during trips when you knew no one besides him.
It's annoying and it's stupid and you know that it doesn't make sense but you like him so much he annoys you. You like him so much and he's here, quietly eating with a disappointed expression and having no idea how much he messes with your head.
You open your mouth to apologize, but close it and chew on your food, glancing at the boy from time to time. You two eat in silence for a while, air tense and an uncomfortable feeling settling in your chest as you realize that against silly fights and mean jokes, this is the first time you've seen Jungsu so *down* and *hurt* by something you said.
Eventually, You grab a sushi roll with your chopsticks and carefully take out the pickles. Jungsu's eyes travel to your hands placing the food on his plate, holding back a smile at the detail. He glances at you, quietly eating the sushi, and you feel like ripping your hair out.
You purse your lips, staring at him as he chews on his food, before breaking the silence. "I'm sorry." You whisper, making the boy stop in his tracks. He raises his head to look at you with a hum, as if he didn't hear you. "I said I'm sorry." You repeat, before Jungsu's hurt pout turns into a mischievous smile.
"Oh, I know. I just wanted to hear you say it twice." He chimes happily, drinking some of his soda. You break into a smile calling him a horrible person while trying to steal a roll off his plate, only for him to pop it in his mouth before you could. "What?! I'm letting you crash at my place, the least I could do is get some fun out of it." He defends himself.
"Oh, and here I was thinking you're helping a girl in need." You laugh softly, a small blush spreading on your cheeks when Jungsu grabs some food to hold it in front of your lips once again.
"Me? Always." He smiles sweetly, putting the trays away once you both finish your food and making his way back to the bed. "I'm sleeping on the bed by the way."
"I am not sleeping on the floor." You raise your eyebrows determined, sitting on the right side as your eyes carefully follow the man's movements, watching the way he shoos you to the left.
"Wasn't asking you to, but I take the right side." Jungsu replies casually as he lays down, arms under his head with an amused expression watching the way your eyes widen at the gesture.
Eventually, you get under the covers, pursing your lips awkwardly with your body stiffing when your eyes meet his. "Do you need me to like… make a pillow wall?" You ask awkwardly, not exactly sure of what you're supposed to do. The bed is big enough for you two to not even be in each other's proximity but still, you know yourself, and the possibility of you somehow rolling on top of him in your sleep was nothing short of big.
"Me, personally, am too grown for that. But whatever floats your boat, I don't judge." He teases, stretching his hand over to the switch near the headboard, turning the lights off but keeping the lamp besides his side on.
"Of course you are." You mumble ironically, keeping your eyes on him. "You sleep with the lights on?" The question comes off too judgingly, but Jungsu doesn't seem bothered in the slightest by the comment. Not even when you follow it up by whispering 'Freak' to yourself before turning your back to him in order to stare at the wall in front of you.
"Won't take shit from the weirdo that sleeps in complete darkness." Jungsu argues with a huff, but his voice is laced with a playfulness that almost gives away the stupid grin plastered on his face.
You turn around only to see Jungsu stare at the ceiling with a serious expression, but before he could glance at you, you close your eyes and pretend to sleep. The man lets himself smile once again as a soft, endeared scoff escapes his lips. After a few moments of making sure you are asleep, he pulls the blanket higher over your shoulders to keep you warmer and it takes everything in you to not let out a shuddered breath when the tips of his fingers brush over your arms.
The next morning, as expected, is a mess. However, it's not exactly the type of mess you expected. You were convinced you'll wake up to Jungsu frantically putting on his shoes and yelling at you to hurry, but nothing could've prepared you for what was actually happening.
Jungsu's alarm was loud. Too loud for any sane person to stay asleep through it and yet, the both of you missed around two of them. You could wake up. You should wake up, but you can't really feel bothered by the deafening sound of the alarm, not when your pillow is as comfortable as it is.
You hum in annoyance, a frown forming on your face as the sound gets louder and louder, burying your head deeper into the so-called pillow. Jungsu's cologne is so strong that even his sheets reeked of him and you found yourself letting out a small comforted noise when you feel the arms around you tighten their grip.
Wait. What?!
You open your eyes mortified, only to see Jungsu sound asleep, mouth slightly parted. *Oh no. Oh no no no.* What are you supposed to do now?! You can't just pull away, nope, no way. He'll wake up, and you can't make him wake up because then he'll be so embarrassed, or worse, weirded out, oh my god this is really bad.
You hear the boy let out a small hum, lazily reaching out to grab his phone and turn the alarm off. He blinks once, hand freezing while staring at his screen, suddenly overly aware of the prozimity of your bodies.
"Shit." He whispers to himself as he closes his eyes tightly, wondering if there's any way for a comment to hit him so he won't have to deal with whatever expression he'll be met with when he turns around to meet your eyes. The man clears his throat, swiftly unwrapping his arm from around you and getting up with a stretch, letting you stare at him with your lips parted.
Sure, pretending this didn't happen was obviously the smart choice. After all, it was just a mistake. Why would any of you acknowledge something that would only make things more awkward than they already were?
That is exactly why you both quietly got changed and headed towards the coffee shop in a totally not tense silence, maintaining a considerable distance between the other. The quietness surrounding you really didn't help the spiraling about the whole encounter this morning. Was it really that bad that you two were close? Was he really that not into you to get uncomfortable by something as silly as an innocent hug?
Jungsu steals a few glances at you, breath caught in his throat as he thinks back to the incident this morning. Teasing you was always second nature to him, because doing that was a hundred times easier than letting his guard down around you and risking the possibility of you realizing just how much of a front he was putting up in order to keep you close and not freak you out with what was actually going through his head every time he looked at you.
You knew Jungsu wasn't exactly fond of you but what you didn't expect was for him to make you scrub the floor clean after a kid threw up his breakfast, snickering to himself every time you'd shoot him a furious glare.
"Hey is Jungsu he-why are you scrubbing the floor?" Seungmin enters the café with your friend, stopping in his tracks with a confused yet entertained expression when he looks down at you.
"Paying back his board money. He calls it newby training but I'm starting to think this is just some sick humiliation kink he's got." You grumble as you focus on a stubborn stain, eyes squinting as you scrub with more force.
The blonde turns his head towards Jungsu once the older one comes back from the backroom, biting back a laugh. "I- You know what- I don't even wanna know. I'm just glad you didn't die or something. And you, we have to talk." Seungmin nods his head for the other to follow him, walking to the side with his friend.
After a while they get back, Jungsu clearly irked after the conversation. That's when he instructs you to get up, grabbing the bucket and walking past you. You look at him with a frown, to which he continues. "They're replacing one of the judges. Fucker cheated on his wife and got into a scandal so now competition is pushed back one week."
You widen your eyes looking between the two men, head tilted tiredly. "Does that mean I have to do this for two weeks?" At that, Jungsu simply chuckles and shakes his head before walking away. Alright. Sure. Everything's clear now. Great communication skills.
"So, are you going to spend the next week only scrubbing floors and making hot chocolate or you still want to learn how to snowboard?" Seungmin asks innocently, to which you frown, shaking your head determinedly.
"I mean, Yeah, but I think he's gonna exploit me and you should take advantage of this to have your romantic escapade with your *girlfriend*." You smile, lightly pushing his shoulder, waving a dismissive hand when he complains about having promised you he'll teach you. "Besides, I know you, You'll get all excited, get on the board and probably sprain your ankle more than it already is. We both know you don't have self-control with this thing."
"Oh *c'mon*, last time I checked I wasn't the one crashing because I was stupid enough to get on the pro slope." The blonde quirks an eyebrow, crossing his arms as he tilts his chin up. "And I DO have self-control, unlike you. Plus, you know, teaching someone sometimes can be just as good as practicing yourself." However, when he sees your determined expression and crossed arms, he lets his shoulders drop with a sigh. "Alright, fine. I won't do it, but I still feel bad and I- You know, I actually think I might know someone to teach you." Seungmin grins, eyes lighting up. "Five times snowboard champion."
You widen your eyes, mouth parting as the title comes out of his mouth. "You're bullshitting." You tilt your head in disbelief, but when the blonde simply shakes his head with a smile. "No way, are you sure he'll have time? Or want to? Wait, You're not fucking around with me...right?"
Seungmin snickers at your questioning expression, flicking your forehead once. "You forget I come here every year to compete? I HAVE friends, y'know??" The boy scoffs with a smile. "He'll find the time, he likes to show off. Plus, I think he'd be more than thrilled to teach you. Go on the competition ramp at 9pm, he usually trains there alone. He's the dude that keeps doing stupid fancy tricks." He says leaving before you get to ask any further questions.
Now, the thought that Seungmin was suspiciously vague about this so called champion flew through your head, but it's not like you had a lot of time to think about it with Jungsu constantly bossing you around for four hours before leaving you all alone the rest of the time with his coworker to run the place all by yourselves. "Bitch." You mumble to yourself after he gave you a quick wink, exiting the café.
Hyeongjun, his coworker, snickers to himself while preparing a caramel macchiato, trying (and failing) to hold back a smile. When you turn with him with crazy eyes, urging him to speak, he shakes his head with an amused expression. "Nope, not getting roped into this."
"Roped into what??" You call out as he goes to the pastries' compartment. "C'mon, you hate him, he's unbearable. Be honest. This is a safe space." You whisper to him while cleaning the coffee machine with crazy eyes, to which the black haired man chuckles.
"I'd like to keep my job, thank you very much." The younger chimes after coming back, thanking the client before handing them their change with a gentle smile. "What type of dumbass would speak badly about his boss to his girlfriend?" The man stares at you with a raised eyebrow, before taking his apron off and walking into the back room for his lunch break.
"The type tha-WHAT GIRLFRIEND? What?! HAN HYEONGJUN I'M NOT-" You start, being interrupted by the sound of a displeased client clearing their throat, causing you to stop midway through your sentence and turn to them with a polite smile to take their order after apologizing quickly.
As expected, Hyeongjun refused to acknowledge the conversation from earlier and you figured out it was simply a way of teasing you. Sure, a part of you got giddy at the mere thought, but instead of dwelling on it, you finish your shift and head to the hotel to get some rest, pretending you didn't feel like crying when you had to opt out of going ice skating because of how tired you were.
You weren't going to meet up with the guy Seungmin mentioned, figuring that if you already embarrassed yourself as much as you did in front of someone as Jungsu, God knows what would happen if an *actual* professional saw you.
The plan was to go home from your shift and simply rest, but seeing a text from Jungsu whining about how you didn't wipe the tables well enough, made you decide you needed to somehow get rid of all that tension, because falling on your ass sounded way better than crying in frustration.
That's exactly why you were now huffing to yourself as you made your way to the big halfpipe secluded from the rest of the ramps. Just as Seungmin mentioned, there he is: big show-off tricks that he somehow lands every single time.
Even when he falls with a groan, he gets up and lands it the second time like the first one didn''t even happen. You were mesmerized, this person looked like they were exactly where they needed to be.
"Hi I uh- Seungmin told me you could help me with snowboarding, I'm a beginner, but I think he already told you that. If you can't because of the competition that's totally fine i-" You walk up to him once he takes a break and slides out of the U-shape.
The man tilts his head, taking his glasses off before pulling his face mask down. "You almost kill me and now you're asking me for favors?" He asks teasingly with a small smile, your mouth falling open in disbelief.
"Ah sorry, I thought you were someone else." You clear your throat, explaining yourself when you see the black haired boy tilt his head. Surely, he's a good snowboarder, at least that's what it looked like, but there's no way he was *the* guy. "Seungmin sent me here-" You purse your lips, looking around confused. "Something about this snowboarding champion friend teaching me, so If you would be so kind to tell me where to find hi-No..." You gasp defeatedly, realization sinking onto you.
"Oh, *yeah*." Jungsu looks at you amused, arms crossed as he looks over your dumbfounded expression. "Skin and bones." The black haired man teases, putting his hand on your helmet and moving it from side to side with a snicker when you slap his arm away. "I do like the whole story about Seungmin sending you to me though. It's almost believable."
Jungsu was known for taking everything in his life, especially his hobbies, very seriously. With how much of a show-off he is, you're surprised he didn't spend his days bragging about this with every breath he took. Except, now that you thought about it, he *DID*. All those times he would mention he always goes to a ski resort with his family, that he'd have a competition coming up every December, all the times he'd ask for your notes when he'd have to skip a few days during winter time. "You know what, forget I said anything, I'll go." You blink embarrassed, grabbing your board, about to turn around.
"I never said I won't help you." His voice resonates from behind you, stopping you in your tracks. You turn around to face him, expecting some sort of teasing shit-eating grin, a mocking tone, anything. However, the only thing you're met with is a serious frown after taking his boots out of the board.
"What about the competition?" You frown, looking up at him as he walks closer to you, grabbing the board from your hands. "I already have to pay for your board, now you expect me to pay for lessons too?"
"Well, sometimes teaching someone can be just as useful as practicing on your own." Jungsu says absentmindedly, walking in front of you to one of the beginner ramps next to the one he was using just now. And when you call him out for copying Seungmin's mantra, he simply huffs out annoyedly, saying he's the one to teach the blonde the phrase in the first place. "Plus, helping you is helping me, sometimes I get too caught up on doing the crazy complicated moves that I forget about the basics."
"How can I be sure you won't hold this against me?" You raise your eyebrow, not believing the sudden act of generosity. Jungsu stops in front of you, dropping the board down with an unimpressed look, putting his hand out for you to get on it.
"I'm not the villain you paint me out to be, you know." Jungsu scoffs, clipping the boots onto the snowboard, looking up at you. "You have a really bad image of me considering how many times I air dropped you the notes when you were missing class."
You don't reply. Instead, you hold onto his shoulders until he's done checking your boots. "For how long have you been competing?" You ask out of curiosity once he gets up, hands instantly finding their way to your arms to keep you steady.
"Mm, since I was 17 I think? It really hasn't been that long. My parents didn't exactly agree with it at first since it's a high demand sport." Jungsu answers, looking down at you as you steady yourself by holding onto his arms as well, breaths getting just slightly quicker as the smell of his cologne becomes more noticeable. "And it's not the cheapest one either. It's not really like basketball where you can buy a ball and a hoop and start practicing, you know?" The boy goes on, looking down at your hands before tightening the gloves on your hands and then putting your scarf and glasses on carefully.
"Are you going to do this full time when you finish Uni?" You ask looking up at him, and you see him smile at your covered face, his nose and cheeks pink and *God* he looks kissable.
"I like what I'm doing because it's a hobby, even if I'm really good at it. If I made it my whole life I'd end up hating it." He replies, before going behind you and holding your waist. "You need to tighten your core at all times and try to keep this position with your legs slightly bent." He instructs, gently tapping your stomach and back of the knees so you bend them.
One thing you were not expecting was for him to be as good of a teacher as he is. You end up getting the hang of it quite quickly and you feel quite proud of yourself for now being able to stand still on the board without falling on your ass, before he says "Okay time for the real one."
"The what now?" You ask, smile immediately dropping once the words leave his mouth, head turning to look at him mortified.
Once you get to the bigger ramp, Jungsu makes a point out of going on and on and on about how you'll barely get to slide down before you fall and unfortunately, he ends up being right. After what felt like an eternity and falling for the tenth time, you look up at him annoyed with a pained expression as you beg him to give you a break.
Of course he doesn't. No. Instead, he tells you to grow up and get some competitive spirit in you while stretching his hand in front of you to help you get back on your feet with a shit eating grin, crossing his arms when you let go of him. "It's impressive how bad you are at this."
"In my defense, I'm more used to using my brain rather than my body." You groan, holding his hand with a glare, making sure to squeeze it extra tight, in a lame attempt to make it painfully (he felt nothing).
"C'mon, get up on your own like a true pro." He teases before pretending to let go, but before he could unwrap his hand from yours you pull him down, making him fall on your chest with a grunt. "You're the worst."
"That's payback for making me go ten rounds without a break." You giggle with a huff at the contact, making the boy place his arms on each side of your head to look at you in order to look down at you and *oh* this was a bad idea. It was a bad horrible terrible idea because now you can see his stupid smile inches away from your face and his pink cheeks and nose and his cologne is intoxicating an-
"Next time it'll be twenty." He squints, chucking when you finally get out of your head and poke your tongue out at him. "You're being incredibly mean to someone that's taking time out of their crazy busy schedule to teach your uncoordinated ass." He scoffs with a lazy smile, looking over your face and if you didn't know any better, you'd swear you saw his eyes linger over your lips for more than a second.
"And you're spending an awful amount of time on top of someone you supposedly can't stand." You reply absentmindedly, trying to keep your voice stable. *'Sure, show him you have the upper hand, maybe he'll pull away'* You think to yourself, putting your hands on his shoulders as you stare into his eyes.
"Well you're spending an awful amount of time letting someone you supposedly can't stand stay on top of you." He whispers, face getting closer to yours, and you pray to every holy force out there that he didn't see your shuddered breath and that if he did, he thinks its because of the cold air.
This isn't the first time you two got in a similar situation. It happened more times than you'd like and honestly, most times it was simply because you both were too stubborn to pull away when the other would threateningly get closer. Most times, also, you both didn't think much of it. At least, Jungsu didn't, is what you think. He always just laughed it off, called you dramatic and pushed you away, but now? He's not pushing you away.
Why is he not pushing you away? Why is he not pushing HIMSELF away?? Why is he leaning in?? No, he's not leaning in...IS HE? Oh my god are you being insane? Is this like a joke? Is he making fun of you right now? Does he know you like him? Are you supposed to push him away? Why is he smiling to himself like that???
You close your eyes tightly as if ready for a nuke to hit you, when suddenly you hear the familiar tune of your phone interrupt the quiet and intimate moment, making the both of you quickly pull away as Jungsu mutters something about how weird your ringtone is.
He gets up, helping you stand on your feet as you pick up and you really can't tell whether you're grateful or want to rip Seungmin's head off with your bare hands as you answer the phone. You glance at the man in front of you, pursing your lips as you see the way he pretends to look around. Jungsu's looking at the lights illuminating the place, the moon, the very interesting white snow around you, really anywhere that wasn't you.
It stung. Sure, maybe it was a spur of the moment thing, or maybe it was some silly joke he wanted to make but either way, were you that wrong for hoping he did, in fact, want to kiss you?
His shifty eyes and the way he picks up his board quietly is enough of a hint that he does not want to be here, let alone talk about what just happened, so you simply say you'll make your way back since it's late. Once Jungsu hears this, he unclasps your board while offering to walk you back and you really really want to cry, so you try to talk him out of it.
"Don't be stupid, You'll get lost." The taller frowns, looking up at you as if you're ridiculous for even thinking about it, before getting back on his feet and handing you your board. "Your orientation skills are shit. C'mon." Jungsu smiles knowingly, walking beside you.
The walk to your hotel was tense, quiet and straight up uncomfortable. Neither of you wanted to look the other in the eyes, let alone try to do small talk. And when you get to the hotel you can't even bother telling your friends the in and outs of your night, so you only give them a quick text saying you're in your room before throwing your phone on the bed
What were you even supposed to say? As soon as you closed the door to your room you find yourself leaning your head against the now closed door, breathing heavily because what the fuck. What the fuck, Kim Jungsu? Fucking annoying, incredibly intelligent attractive Kim Jungsu.
What are you even supposed to do now? Act like you didn't almost just kiss? Try to push it further? Hope he forgets about it and you go on with your lives? Ask if he was playing a prank on you? Ask him if he likes you? No, you can't. You can't so instead of doing any of that, You groan, stomping a few times in frustration, before texting Jungsu to ask if he got to his place safely only for him to leave you on read. Great. He probably thinks you want to kiss him and thinks you're weird.
It's whatever, it's probably not even a big deal. He probably just opened the text and forgot to reply before falling asleep. It's not worth dwelling on it, so you shower and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. You totally don't end up checking your phone every five minutes for any text from him. After about half an hour or so, just as you were about to go to sleep, you hear a ding.
(*Yeah, sorry. Got home too.*)
(*You don't have to cover for me anymore.*)
(*A friend offered and she owes me one anyway.*)
You sigh with a groan, putting your phone back on the nightstand after sending a simple "Okay". Great. Now he kicked you out of your not-job because of the almost-kiss. Fucking great. Does this mean you're supposed to pay for the board full price??? Oh no. He wouldn't, would he?
You put your pillow over your head letting out a muffled scream, wondering whether he's having the time of his life at his place knowing he's making you go through hell right now. He doesn't. Quite on the contrary, Jungsu is currently mentally kicking himself and physically hitting his face with his pillow because he's a fucking idiot and he almost kissed you and made things awkward and you're probably super uncomfortable with him and you think he's weird and stupid and *GOD*.
"It's okay, she probably didn't even realize. If anything, just say you were gonna blow away an eyelash from her cheek. Yeah. That's believable. Yeah." Jungsu whispers to himself, hugging his pillow as he kicks his feet, pushing the blanket off with a regretful whine. "I'm so fuckeeeeeddd!"
The night was filled with you tossing and turning, so the next day while having a meal with your friends at a mall in the town near the resort you were doing anything but paying attention to the conversation going on. You're pretty sure they've been speaking to you for the past two minutes but you can't really figure out what any of them is saying because the only thing on your mind is Jungsu. And the almost-kiss. The almost-kiss with Jungsu.
"I think she's dissociating." Seungmin whispers to his girlfriend, pulling you out of your trance by snapping his fingers in front of you multiple times.
"Sorry what?" You ask after blinking a few times and shaking your head, the two sharing a look before turning their attention back to you. You weren't going to talk about it. Quite on the contrary. You were going to quietly eat your fork and say it's nothing. However, "I think Jungsu almost kissed me yesterday." You blurt out suddenly when you see your friend tilting her head knowingly.
The both of them drop their forks, screaming out a "WHAT?" in unison, Seungmin's girlfriend gripping onto the edge of the table and hovering over the table.
You groan and put your head in your hands, truly wishing you could just *keep your mouth shut*. "His face was really close to mine and I genuinely thought he was getting closer but you called to ask if I'm coming back to the hotel so he stopped and then we said bye and then he fired me!" Your breaths are heavier and the words come out at an ungodly speed and *Oh God, *why is your head starting to hurt?
"Well technically, You weren't actually an empolye..." Seunmgin starts. "Plus it's his uncle's shop, Jungsu can pretty much do whatever he wants there. The guy has no kids so he thinks of Jungsu as his own." The blonde hums absentmindedly as if it was common knowledge, resuming his eating, making you both stare at him. "...What?"
"What do you mean by his uncle? He said he has to work there to cover some of the expenses for the resort!" You huff, absolutely baffled at the news, starting to think the idea of Jungsu doing all of this as some weird power play wasn't that far off.
"Well, yes and no. His uncle would pay for everything if it was up to him. Jungsu just refuses to let him. Something about independence and being a man and shit. Not very advantage-taking-business-man of him. That's why he's not a millionaire, I'm telling you." Seungmin scoffs at his friend's poor life choices with a tilt of his head while sipping on his drink, leaving you and your friend blinking in disbelief.
"So you mean he never needed anyone to cover for his shifts? He could've just...not go??" You cover your mouth. "Does that mean I scrubbed floors for NOTHING?" You grab onto your head, resting your elbows on the table with a defeated groan.
"Well, he could but he still likes to act as if he'd get kicked out if he doesn't show up. The whole deal about liking to do things the right way and stuff." The blonde explains with a roll of his eyes, munching on his food. "Could he just spend the whole day practicing without helping around? Absolutely. He's just head strong like that." The man hums, scrunching his eyebrows. "Anyway, why does it matter? You only worked there for like two days. Now you can just see him less."
"Baby?" Your friend says, holding the other's hand, making the man look at her with a confused frown. "She likes him."
You wince, closing your eyes tightly in embarrassment, telling him to speak lower. "I don't ! I just…kinda…okay, maybe! But like not a lot! It's a small like! Very…small…"
"Wait…YOU LIKE JUNGSU?" Seungmin gasps in fake surprise, before bursting out into laughter, shaking his head with a pleased smile. "Took you long enough to admit it." He chimes, waving the fork in front of you, making you squint before grabbing the fork out of his hand and stabbing his food with a threatening glare.
"Suureee, that's why you two have been glued to the hip since...forever." Your friend crosses her arms, unmoved at the pathetic attempt to minimize your feelings. "But if he was about to kiss you, why are you freaking out? Isn't it obvious he likes you?"
"But what if it's all in my head???" You ask frustrated, shoulders dropping tiredly as you stare at your drink with pursed lips. "What if I'm just romanticizing a normal interaction and stuff?"
"Okay, crazy idea, just hear me out, this is a little insane but stay with me…what if you…talk to him…like two adults?" Seungmin gapes, making a mind blown gesture as he gets smacked on the arm by your friend. "What? It's the easiest way!" And when his girlfriend reminds him he did everything but that before they got together, he simply waves a dismissive hand before defending himself. "Exactly, which is why I learned from my mistakes and I'm passing down wisdom!"
You pout, pushing your plate away with a sad voice, the two looking at you with an annoyingly pitiful expression. "Maybe he just needs time to figure his shit out." Your friend smiles, to which you nod with a sigh because really, what's there to do other than accept it and move on?
Thankfully, your friends made sure to distract you just about enough so you could get your mind off the almost-kiss for the entire day but it didn't serve much when you saw the text on your phone.
*(Can't teach you tonight, sorry. Something came up.)* Great. Now he doesn't even want to be around you.
Jungsu, on the other hand, was close to repeatedly hitting his head against a wall when he read the simple *(Alright.)* you sent back. He turns his phone towards Hyeongjun with a whine. "See? She hates me."
The younger stops wiping the floor for a few seconds to analyze the texts, nose scrunching. "Maybe she's just tired. Didn't you say she probably didn't even realize you were leaning in?" The black haired man asks, going back to work as Jungsu follows him with a pained expression.
"That's what *I* want to think." The older man cries out, covering his face before shoving his phone into his pocket, wiping the tables at a frustrated pace. "I think I'm just going to die. I was supposed to go practice and I'm over here cleaning the counter because I think If I get on a board right now I'm gonna break my neck....On purpose or not." He mumbles dramatically, earning an eye roll from the other.
The next day, you decided you shouldn't let whatever happened that night ruin the rest of your trip, so you decide to make your way to the coffee shop and get a well deserved cup of coffee on your way to the ice skating rink. Maybe if you're lucky enough an icicle will fall on your head as soon as you step through the door so you won't have to deal with whatever this is anymore. It's whatever. You don't even care about him. What you care about is praying the line is not too long so your friends don't cuss you out for making them wait outside because *"I don't need emotional support to grab a cup of coffee, you guys."*
Besides, it's not like he'll be here.
Wrong. When You enter the coffee shop, the first thing you see is Jungsu smiling at a client while taking their money and telling them to have a good day. *God* did he really need to walk around with messy hair and a white fuzzy sweater on?? Wait...why's he here in the first place??
Once the person in front of you leaves and his eyes meet yours, he blinks multiple times in surprise, fidgeting with his hands, unable to say anything. You were, though. You had quite a lot of things you wanted to say to him. "I thought someone else was taking my place?" Your voice comes out in a small whisper, pursing your lips and you can see panic starting to settle in his eyes as he realizes you caught him red-handed in a lie.
"She had an errand to run so she'll come in an hour." He clears his throat, expression now falling flat, asking for your order then quietly walking towards the coffee machine. You make eye contact with Hyeongjun, who gives you a small smile back with a wave, mouthing something about how he misses you around because Jungsu is too bossy. You let out a small snicker, nodding in agreement. So he *does* think Jungsu is bossy, huh?
Jungsu comes back, raising an eyebrow once he catches the interaction, placing the mug in front of you with a displeased expression. You frown a bit but don't mention it, because who are you to question him? So, instead of asking him what his problem is, you give him the money, too busy staring at the snowflake art in your coffee to see the way his eyes scanned your face. "You've got an eyelash on your cheek." He mutters quietly, putting a napkin with your cup before turning his attention to the next client.
You don't know why, but that small comment made your blood boil. He almost kisses you, then ignores you, and now he thinks it's okay to be mindful and tell you you've got an eyelash on your cheek? What is he, some type of monster??
You take two steps away, before turning your head to him, interrupting the old man who was in the middle of giving out his order. "I don't know if the snowboarding lesson was still on for tonight, but I can't make it. I'm busy."
Jungsu stares at you, mouth agape, quickly going back to work once you leave. "She hates me." He mutters sadly when he makes eye contact with Hyeongjun, who simply rolls his eyes amused. "She does, she hates me and wants me dead. That's what I get for trying to kiss her, see? Greed kills people. I hope I die, actually. Would do the both of us a favor."
"Would make me one too." Hyeongjun mumbles tiredly, shaking his head in disbelief at the stupidity, pushing a cup of coffee to another client. "You two really are great together." The younger tsks, looking at his coworker with his lip twitching in disgust.
"WAIT YOU REALLY THINK SO??" Jungsu breaks into a happy grin, turning his head to the other, only to be met with a deadpan glare, clearing his throat with pursed lips and ducking his head down upon seeing the other's reaction. "You should treat me nicer. I can fire you, you know?"
"And who's gonna keep the business running?" Hyeongjun scoffs, stealing a cookie and eating it before resuming his work because of course he can. Jungsu and his uncle both know that if this boy were to ever stop working here they'd go bankrupt in one day tops. So, instead of arguing more, Jungsu simply mocks him as he attends another client.
You spent the entire time blabbering and complaining and throwing out curses around rather than actually ice skating and although your friends truly love you, it was starting to get *unbearable.* So, Seungmin gripped onto your shoulders with a pleading whine as he stopped in the middle of the rink. "You're getting drunk tonight. Hell, the three of us are."
So, here you are, making your way through the door of one of the nicest houses at the resort, having no idea how the older keeps finding a party whenever and wherever, even in the middle of a ski resort. The party has already started for some time now, the three of you having gotten here a full hour late because *someone*(Seungmin) took far too long to chose his outfit.
You didn't really think much of it: the outfit, the party, the kiss- that one's a lie. You do think about the almost-kiss a constant, embarrassing, energy consuming amount of time. Even if you stopped yourself from speaking about it out loud, it was still the only thought plaguing your mind.
Your head was spinning, your outfit wasn't even that good(because who brings party-appropriate attire to a ski resort vacation???)(Seungmin apparently) and you really needed to find where the drinks were because maybe if you get drunk enough you'll finally forget about how much you regret not grabbing that asshole's face and kissing him. At least that way you'd have a clear answer and wouldn't be here with your friends babying you and looking at you in pity every time your eyes met.
Making your way towards the kitchen, you stop in your tracks with a mortified yelp, gripping onto your friend's arm. You slowly turn your head towards the blonde, eye twitching. "What the fuck is HE doing here?!?"
"Well, it's the party of the snowboarding team before the competition, of course he's here!" The boy innocently smiles, flinching when you lunge at him being held back by his girlfriend. You drag your thumb against your neck threateningly, before making your way to the kitchen because there is no way you'll be able to get through the night sober.
You're not really sure if you're supposed to try to greet him when your eyes lock with Jungsu's for a split second or if you doing so will result in him being so repelled by you that he'll throw up so you chose to pretend you didn't see him and hopefully you can at least go a few more hours like this.
"You look like you're about to kill yourself." Jooyeon, one of the older's friends, chimes in from beside him. He tilts his head, sipping on his drink knowingly, completely unphased by Jungsu's death glare.
"You think?" The black haired man speaks between gritted teeth, eyes glued on the way you chug down the second cup of punch. "It's whatever, I don't even care." He tries, his friend raising his eyebrows amused with a hum.
"So you won't mind if I ask her to dance?" The younger teases, holding back a laugh at the way Jungsu's eye twitches. "Ah, she's really pretty..."
Everyone, especially Jooyeon, was painfully aware of Jungsu's crush on you. Honestly, it was a surprise it even went on for as long as it did without you figuring it out. It was clear since day one when Jungsu walked into the throwing his backpack on the floor of the café before sitting down and proceeding to complain for an entire hour before snowboarding practice about how his new project partner submitted the first draft of their assignment without even asking him since he was away to the ski resort just because she thought she knew better. "Fucking know-it-all..." He muttered to himself as Jooyeon and Gunil shared a knowing look.
After two drinks and a shot, you're tipsy enough to have some fun with your friends and dance to the songs playing and keep the Jungsu thoughts in a dark dark corner of your brain. You sing, smile and move to the beat while complaining about how they just won't let you have another cup, when you feel yourself bump into someone. As you turn to apologize, you're met with an amused Jungsu holding a cup, looking down at you.
"You have a really bad habit of crashing into me, you know?" The taller rasps, and you don't know but it's taking everything in him right now to not combust on the spot. He truly is an amazing actor, not enough people appreciate that. You look over his face, before your eyes travel down to his simple black t-shirt that's got a neckline that's too cut out for your own sanity, his rings shining against the cup he's holding.
You open your mouth to argue, tell him he's annoying and he's an absolute asshole for almost kissing you then ignoring you, but then you realize there's no use to it. What does it even matter? He wants to pretend it didn't happen, then it should stay like this. You're not desperate enough to force a connection that's simply not meant to be.
When you turn around without another word, you hear whomever he was with snicker from besides him. A confused huff later, you hear the black haired boy speak up, hand gently holding onto your arm to turn you around. "Hey, what's up with you?"
Oh you hate him so very much. You especially hate the way you can smell his cologne and the way you feel his cold hand on your burning hot body because yes, everything Jungsu does causes a primal response in you. He isn't even doing anything inappropriate and yet, your brain is swirling when your raise your eyes to meet his sharp ones.
You purse your lips, before glancing at his cup, taking it from his hand, completely ignoring his request for you to talk to him. Instead, you finish his drink for him and really wish you were drunk right now because it'd definitely be way easier to deal with this. "Can we not today?"
"You don't wanna talk? Then when? The day before the competition so I can be distracted enough that I lose and then you can finally be happy that there's one thing I'm not good at?" He accuses in an irritated tone, making your blood boil.
Oh he's got nerve. He's got so much nerve, that instead of leaving and dropping this, he wraps his hand around yours with a displeased mutter, pushing past people as he walks out to the terrasse. Even against your complaints and your hand constantly slapping his arm, the man pulls you outside, closing the door behind him. "We're talking. Now."
You lean against the guardrail, crossing your arms baffled. A scoff escapes your lips, looking to the side before staring into his eyes tiredly. "Why do you keep doing this? Is it fun for you?"
"What are you talking about?" The corner of his mouth twitches, mimicking your stance as he takes a step closer, as if he's got any right to get all pissy about any of this.
"Ever since that night, you've been acting as if you're about to throw up every single time you see me. Usually I wouldn't give it a second thought but after that? Really?" You ask softly, voice getting quieter with each word, face slightly scrunched up.
Jungsu frowns, tilting his head in anger. "Throw up? You're the one ignoring me! You ditched the lessons and just now you pretended you didn't see me when I know damn well you saw me!" He argues, not moving when you push yourself off the railing to walk up to him.
"Because you think it's okay to make me think you were going to kiss me and then just never bring it up and make me think I'm insane!" You whine tiredly, too exhausted to tip toe around this stupid thing. It's not even that big of a deal, you two can just solve it like two mature adults, why does it have to be this taboo topic that never gets brought up??
As soon as those words leave your mouth, Jungsu's breath gets caught up in his throat, exhaling shakily, palms suddenly feeling too sweaty so he drops them to his sides. "Oh so you…know." He clears his throat, looking around awkwardly, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Know what? That you're an annoying mean fucker that likes to play with people's feelings and overachieve to fill your crippling insecurities?" You gabble, before finishing with a "Yeah, I do." in a small voice while looking down.
"I meant to say You know that I like you, but we're gonna go back to that in a second too because ouch." He blinks baffled, mouth slightly agape as he twirls his finger in front of your face with a huff.
*He what?*
"You what?" You cough, now looking up at him with wide eyes, hand flying to your mouth. And when Jungsu repeats *'I what?'* with a confused frown, you wide your eyes more. "What do you mean you like me?"
Jungsu looks at you deadpan, pinching the bridge of his nose while letting out a meditating breath with his eyes closed, before slowly opening them to look at you. "You said you know I was going to kiss you…why would I want to kiss you if I'm not into you?!" He asks, as if you're the ridiculous one.
"Then why didn't you?? And why did you just find excuses for us to not see each other and then-- THEN you kept looking constipated whenever I talked to you!!" You point your finger at him, and Jungsu can't help but laugh. A full, wholehearted laugh while his hand goes to rush his hair back, staring at you in amazement.
"Woah you're really..." The taller one shakes his head fondly. "Well, EXCUSE ME for getting nervous around the person I like! Besides, what if you didn't like me and you thought I was weird for trying to make a move on you when all we ever did was be assholes to each other and ESPECIALLY while it was late at night and we were all alone??" He defends himself in a frustrated voice, making your heart swell. *He's so stupid.*
"Well, You were right. I dislike you. Heavily so. Hate you, even." You scoff tiredly, thinking about ten different ways in which you could kill him right now. Jungsu, however, seems to be in complete *bliss*. His eyes are droopy, his cheeks are flushed and his lips are parted and he looks so good and you look so kissable when you're angry. So, when you start walking, pushing past him, the man grabs your shoulders to pull you in front of him. "Nope, You're not going anywhere."
You sneer at the sheer nerve. "What happened to being all worried and nervous? Now you're forcing me to stay here with you?" You raise an eyebrow, resting your weight on one of your legs, although it doesn't seem to phase Jungsu who is now taking a step forward.
"Oh, I'm not forcing anything." The man shakes his head, wrapping one arm around your waist, his other hand holding your chin between his fingers while looking into your eyes, whispering. "I'm just taking care of unfinished businesses." Is all he says, before leaning down and pulling you into a slow yet determined kiss, smiling to himself when you bite his lip just to be annoying.
Kissing Jungsu was, strangely, exactly how you imagined it would be. Between the two of you fighting to get the upper hand and him smiling in the kiss while muttering something about why don't you ever get tired of being feisty before walking you backwards to hover over you, your head was spinning.
Your hands naturally cupped his cheeks while kissing back but of course that wasn't enough for Jungsu who needed you two to mold into a single being. That's why your hands are now held in his as he moves them around his neck, one of his hands still tightly wrapped around your waist while the other holds onto the railing as you lean slightly back. "You kiss me like you've thought about this for a while." You whisper teasingly, earning a snicker from the other.
Jungsu pulls away slightly, lips plump and shiny with saliva and he looks absolutely *wrecked*. He looks over your face, letting his chest press on yours and moving his hands so they're now both holding onto the railing, licking his lips. He stares. He doesn't say anything: no smart comment, no comeback. The taller simply looks over your face with a fucked out smile, humming before leaning in again so his breath is hot against yours without breaking eye contact. "I did."
"Good." You whisper back, finger curling around his necklace to pull him closer, smiling pleased at the way he let out a shaky breath at the gesture, eyes hooded. You take a while to look into his eyes, lips close to brushing, but you don't kiss him again. Not yet. You tilt your head up at him as his knuckles turn white from gripping onto the railing with a small exhale.
The atmosphere suddenly turned into something you can't even begin to describe. It was freezing cold outside and yet your heart was beating out of your chest, your cheeks were burning hot and Jungsu looked like he was about to break into a sweat. You get closer to him with a teasing smile, nose slightly nuzzling his.
However, Jungsu doesn't complain. He doesn't even move. He stands there, hovering over you and taking one final step so now his body is completely pressed against yours as you look at him with your head tilted, having him completely at your mercy. "You're done already?" You rasp out, looking down at his lips then back into his eyes, still holding onto his necklace and lightly pulling on it once.
Jungsu's knees *buckle*. He is losing his mind. Actually, no. He already lost his mind. A long time ago. He pulls you into a kiss again, this time harder, tongue scraping over your bottom lip and letting out a breath when he hears a small whine coming from you. "Fuck..." The taller exhales, gripping onto your waist when he feels your fingers move through his hair as the kiss deepens and if this is a dream he really hopes he never wakes up.
He gulps once, praying to whatever force there is out there that you can't feel just how badly he's been thinking about this ever since he's met you and if you can, that you'll be nice enough to not bring it up for the foreseeable future. For the first time, Jungsu doesn't mind letting you win. Quite on the contrary: he hopes you win. He hopes you win and do with him whatever you want and tell him what to do and-
The door to the terrasse opens, the two of you too lost in your own world to hear anything, until Gunil calls out his friend's name, widening his eyes when he sees the scene in front of him. "Hey Jungsu, coach wants to– am I interrupting?"
The other sighs while regretfully pulling away from the kiss, lips plump and hair messy. "You have two seconds to give me a good enough reason not to skin you alive right now." He turns his head towards his friend, glaring at him while still holding onto you with a death grip.
"Coach wants you to give a motivational speech for the competition to get people's spirits up." He explains with his lips pursed, waving at you awkwardly as you wave back trying to hold in a laugh.
Jungsu groans when your hands drop from his hair onto his shoulders, cursing to himself while waving a dismissive hand at Gunil, telling the older to give him five before turning his attention back to you. "How bad do I look?"
"Actually, the best you've looked in some time." You reply amused, wiping some of the lipstick off his lips. Jungsu looks down at you with a smile, cupping your jaw and pulling you in yet another kiss, laughing when you push him away with a groan.
"You have to go, they're waiting for you." You caress his biceps, eyes dropping to them before fixing his necklace and pecking him once more, the taller raising an eyebrow at your touches. "Don't look at me like that, you're the one that wore that shirt."
"I'm going to kill Gunil. Then You. Then myself." Jungsu mutters, cupping your face and kissing you a couple more times, grunting when you make him pull away. He pinches your sides, and because Jungsu really couldn't care less about anything other than having you glued to him, he walks inside with his arm around your shoulders, both yours and his friends' faces dropping when they see the faint lip tint around his lips.
The speech wasn't long. It was barely two minutes long, but if anyone were to ask Jungsu that was more than enough. You moved to the side before he started his speech and spent the entirety of it avoiding your friend's baffled expression and Seungmin's approving one, biting back a smile while sipping on your drink.
Jungsu's friends too, spent the entirety of the speech glancing between the two of you, and you're pretty sure you saw Jooyeon give Gunil a bill of twenty while saying something among the lines of *'Told you so.'*
Once the speech is done, Jungsu makes sure to ignore any and every person that as much as tries to strike a conversation with him and makes his way towards you, biting his lip when he sees the blush spreading across your cheeks. "You look like you're having fun." You mumble annoyed, trying to pat your cheeks to make the blush go away.
"Oh, you have no idea..." The older grins, holding your chin between his fingers to peck you once. You raise your fist up at him threateningly, only for him to snicker and wrap his hand around your fist, eyes soft as he kisses your knuckles once then lowers it so he can hold your hand in his. ""
"You have some nerve, acting real tough for someone that couldn't even kiss me on the first try." You clear your throat, tilting your chin up to stand your ground even with Jungsu letting out an unimpressed 'mhm' while getting closer to you.
"Speaking of nerve, what do you mean by annoying mean fucker that likes to play with people's feelings and overachieve to fill my crippling insecurities??" He asks playfully offended, tugging you closer as you widen your eyes.
"Oh look at the time, looks like I've got to goooo!!" You gasp, trying to pull away only to be tugged closer to his chest, laughing when he wraps his arms around your neck to hug you tightly. You let out a muffled scream, patting his back violently when you can't breath, to which the taller simply laughs, saying that's what you get for being annoying.
He eventually lets go with a snicker, enjoying the sight of your flustered face and messy hair as you glare at him with heavy breaths. You squint, your hands moving towards his neck menacingly, only for Jungsu to scoop you into his arms. This causes you to yelp, clinging onto him with wide eyes. "It's gonna be so much easier to deal with you now." He smiles cockily at your irritated glare, mocking you when you call him an asshole before kissing you a couple times.
Eventually, he puts you down, but only to grab your jackets and hand you yours. You raise your eyebrows at him while putting your jacket on. "What If I wanna stay for the party?"
"Do you?" Jungsu rasps knowingly as he fixes the hood of his own jacket, corners of his mouth moving in a downward smile when you scrunch your nose annoyedly. "That's what I thought." He hums, poking your sides and kissing your jaw a few times as he pushes you forward.
After saying your goodbyes and your friends calling you out for diching them (they don't even care, they were making out on the couch), you two walk outside and next thing you know you're walking towards Jungsu's hotel because 'It's closer'.
Jungsu doesn't hold your hand. He walks next to you quietly, smiling to himself like an idiot and replaying everything that just happened on a constant loop. You look up at him, then at his hand then back at him. "I like you too. I mean I have...for a while."
The sentence takes the older by surprise, blinking quickly a couple times before breaking into a grin, turning his head towards you. When he sees you clear your throat and look away once your eyes meet, Jungsu cups your face to make you turn your head towards him and kisses you twice. "You're so fucking cute." He whispers while stopping with you in the middle of the snow, eyes sparkling at his gloved hands caress your pink cheeks.
"Shut up..." You mumble shily, kicking some snow in his direction and looking away as you start walking. At that, Jungsu giggles, huging your neck from behind, walking with you while planting quick kisses on your cheek before covering them with your scarf to keep you warm.
No one and nothing could ruin Jungsu's mood right now. He was on cloud nine: hair a mess from kissing earlier, your perfume stuck on his clothes, his arm wrapped around your shoulder while entering his room with the one person that's been stuck on his mind since forever.
You've been talking to him while sitting with your legs crossed on his bed for about five minutes now after the both of you took turns showering and changed into something more comfortable. His food has already gone cold on his plate whilst you finished yours and you're pretty sure he hasn't been listening to a single word you've been saying because his eyes are hooded, he's got a dumb smile on his face and he looks like he's dozing out.
"And I made out with Seungmin." You deadpan, the older instantly pulled out of his trance with wide eyes and an annoyed expression as he yells out a 'YOU WHAT?', earning a loud laugh from you. "I had to bring you back somehow!"
"You're horrible, I hope you know that." Jungsu mutters, putting the plates away before grabbing you and laying you down on your back. "You're bullshitting though, right?" The older looks down at you, laying on top of you as his hand caresses your waist, eyes squinted. When you nod entertained, he scoffs irritated while mumbling "And I'm the asshole."
You look up at him, eyes filled with love as you let out a hum and move your hands on his hair, before pulling him in a slow and short kiss. "Wait so, do I still have to pay for the board?"
The other hums pleased, eyes half closed while a small lazy smile stays present on his face, when you caress his cheeks. "Mm, and the price just spiked up." You let out a puff of air in disbelief, staring at him as he continued. "Reparations. For the emotional damage."
"Why am I the one responsible for that?! You were the one to act all stupid." You shrug, trying to keep your eyes on his face and not the way the collar of his white t-shirt is too lose of you to act as if you don't want to stare. "So really, You're the only one that needs to pay."
"Oh, I need to pay?" Jungsu smiles, watching your eyes steal a quick glance at his chest before moving back onto his face. "Alright, then." He hums casually, pulling away just enough to look down at you as he supports himself on his knees. In one swift motion, he takes his shirt off. "That enough?"
You gape astonished, involuntarily starting to cough. Violently. Jungsu laughs at your reaction, hand reaching for his t-shirt, only for you to grab it and throw it across the room as you stare at him. "No, that's- Yeah." You nod, pulling onto his necklace lightly with the other hand resting on his back. You were so sure you were about to take control but when You feel Jungsu's lips on yours as he leans over you, back flexing against your hand, your brain completely shuts off.
The kiss is short once again, but this time because you find yourself ducking away with a shy smile, covering your face as you try (and fail) to hold back a smile. The older one laughs once again, shaking his head endeared before kissing your hands and laying down next to you. "C'mere." He rasps, pulling you half on top of him by your waist, one arm under your hand as the other hugs your lower back.
You open your eyes to look at him shyly, pursing your lips in embarrassment when he grabs one of your arms to wrap it around his neck. "Are you enjoying yourself, Kim Jungsu?" You call out, your pink cheeks matching his.
When you hug him closer and start playing with his hair, scratching his scalp gently, it's his turn to duck his head with a hum, trying to maintain the facade by responding with a low "The time of my life." but it's useless to try to pretend he's not losing his mind when his hand is slightly shaking in nervousness on your lower back. So, to calm the both of you down, you lean in and kiss him a couple times, feeling the older pull you closer almost instantly, his body relaxing in no time.
Jungsu smiles softly, thumb caressing your lower back, before pulling away with his forehead still on yours as he whispers. "Would It be lame if I took you out on a snowboarding date tomorrow?"
At that, you giggle with a tilt of your head, twirling a few strands of his hair between your fingers. "Yeah, but I would still say yes." You shrug smugly, earning a playfully irritated scoff from the taller, shaking his head with a smile as he holds you closer and pulls you in yet another kiss because of course he does. "You sure you're not cold?"
The taller one stops for a moment, feeling his heart actually tug inside his chest because how are you so perfect and intoxicating and beautiful and caring and Jesus Christ he's so far gone it's embarrassing. "Nah, don't worry." He manages to whisper out, mentally doing cartwheels when you smile with a nod before kissing him some more.
You two spend the night like that: kissing, holding each other and trying to figure out which one is at fault for this not happening sooner. Jungsu thinks he's done a pretty good job at hiding just how much his breath quickens whenever you look at him, especially during your first date, and you think he's pretty stupid for even thinking that he's anything short of painfully obvious.
Jungsu manages to win the competition because of course he does while Jiseok somehow wants to take credit for all of this since "You two would've never spent that much time together if It wasn't for me getting sick and missing out on the vacation!" because *of course* he does.
words: 1.4k
tags: jooyeon x reader, sfw but TENSION!!, just 1k words of making out with him in secret, enemies in public lovers in private, i need him so bad, he's so hhnnhhgh, i pictured wmc man bun jooyeon while writing this btw
plot: you and jooyeon supposedly can't stand each other but during a trip with your friends, when everyone else is asleep, he comes up to you to make up for lost time during the day and oh no you need to be careful so no one hears you
The trip has been exhausting. Between almost missing the bus and fighting to choose the rooms, it took no time for everyone to drop dead as soon as the sun set. Everyone but you. So, here you are, stirring your tea as you try to calm down your nerves. The quiet ritual is interrupted when the sound of the kitchen door opening almost makes your heart jump out of your chest. “Jesus– You scared the crap out of me.” You glance at Jooyeon who simply chuckles.
“You know, green tea’s just gonna keep you up.” The blonde notes, but before you could tell him he doesn’t know anything and should just go back to sleep, you feel your waist being grabbed from behind as Jooyeon turns you around so you’re facing him.
“What are you–Someone could come down!” You whisper yell with your eyes wide, gently slapping his arms as he rolls his eyes in playful irritation, tugging you closer once.
“You ignored me too well today.” He tilts his chin up as he looks down at you and god he really looks too good for you to even try to rebuke him. Your eyes wander on his messy man bun and the shiny necklaces decorating his shirt, overly aware of his big hands around your waist in a secure yet possessive grip. “Gotta make up for it.”
“Wasn’t that the plan?” You raise an eyebrow amused, cocky smile immediately disappearing when the man tugs you closer to him, caging your body between his arms.
“Yeah, real good acting.” He agrees sarcastically when your hands feel his biceps, glancing at the way they caress his arm then back at you, imitating your raised eyebrow. “Now make up for it.”
You were going to argue that he’s being stupid and reckless and that anyone could walk in on you two right now but before you could, his lips crashed into yours in a determined kiss, one of his hands cupping the back of your neck to hold you close. You let out a shaky whine, hands now going into his hair to caress it as you kiss back, feeling your heartbeat picking up.
“Jooyeon wait– we shouldn’t…” You pull away just enough to whisper, breath still hot against his. Your breath hitches when his fingers dig deeper into your waist to pull you closer, eyes fixated on his lips.
“Why? I think we really should…” The blonde rasps, staring at your lips glossing under the dim kitchen light, pressing the small of your back against the edge of the countertop. His words are slurred and his thumbs find their way under the hem of your shirt, just enough to brush against your skin.
“C’mon, you know why.” You reply quietly, one hand in his hair as the one holding onto his shoulder tightens, licking your lips. However, even with all the pathetic attempts of telling him to pull away, your back instinctively arches against his hand when he puts one of his hands behind you on the countertop to whisper in your ear.
“If you really wanted me to stop,” He starts, the other hand pressing on the small of your back as he supports himself on the countertop. “You would’ve pushed me away.” Jooyeon argues, lips brushing against your jaw as he speaks. “What good are words when they contradict your actions?”
“I’m serious.” You gasp when his knee finds his way between your legs. Jooyeon pulls away just enough to look at you, tilting his head knowingly.
He almost lets out an amused chuckle, but stops himself, smiling slyly instead. “So am I.” Is all he says, before holding your chin between his index and thumb. The blonde wraps his arm around your waist, holding onto you as he runs his thumb over your bottom lip, eyeing you up and down. “C’mon, you’re too smart to play dumb.”
“What if someone-” You start, but get interrupted by a yelp leaving your mouth when he starts kissing you slowly and passionately, a small smirk appearing on his face when he feels your hands cup his cheeks to kiss back.
“See how well we get along when you stop talking?” Jooyeon teases huskily, letting out a pleased hum when you lightly slap–more like tap– his cheek in annoyance. The kiss soon turns needier, and the taller pulls away for a second. “And if you’re that worried…” The blonde whispers, leaning over you to turn the under-cabinet light off, leaving you two in complete darkness. “Just keep quiet.” He looks down at you, both hands now resting on the tabletop on each side of you as he lets his body lean completely on you.
He starts kissing you again, slower this time, letting his tongue graze over your bottom lip before slightly pulling down on it, a small grunt escaping his lips when your arms wrap around his neck to pull him closer. “I thought you said to keep quiet.”
Jooyeon lets out a daring scoff at the teasing, parting his lips when your thumb presses on his Adam's apple to make him open his mouth so you can kiss him with tongue. “Oh yeah?” The other hums, one hand moving to your waistband, curling his finger around it just to let go of it so it hits your skin. When you let out a whimper in response, Jooyeon smiles to himself, whispering against your lips. “Tsk, I thought I told you to keep quiet.”
“I’m gonna fucking kill you.” You whisper threateningly with a beam, squeezing his neck slightly, only to be met with a pleased fucked out smile when he opens his eyes to look at you after kissing you a couple more times.
“And here I am trying to be nice and thoughtful.” Jooyeon whispers back innocently as one of his cold hands makes its way closer and closer under your waistband, still supporting himself on the tabletop with the other. “I really get no appreciation, hm?” He continues, smiling to himself when he hears your soft giggles, putting you on the tabletop and leaving lingering kisses along your jaw.
You tilt your head to the side with a sigh, biting your lip as he parts your legs to get in between them and press his body on yours. Jooyeon hums at that, hugging your lower back, then caressesing your side with his thumb while kissing you slowly and his other hand caressing your thigh.
When you pull slightly on his hair, the blonde lets out a small moan, hugging you even closer than before while he moves his hand up from your thigh to the curve of your ass. “Shit…” His voice comes in a ragged breath, the hand around your waist now sliding up your ribs. “Fucking hell…” He moans when you grab his jaw tightly to deepen the kiss and drag your nails on the back of his neck while pulling him closer.
Small breathy moans leave your lips as you feel his bulge press on you, starting to get dizzy when he starts licking and kissing your neck, now both of his hands letting their nails scratch lightly on your back. “Don’t leave marks where they can see.” You remind him with closed eyes and irregular breaths.
Jooyeon lets out a mumble as his hands now roam over your sides from under your shirt. “When do I?” The blonde smiles to himself, sucking on the skin under your collarbone after pulling on the collar of your shirt then covering it back up.
You pull him back into a kiss, needier this time as you press your chest on his, only for the two of you to instantly pull away at the sound of some steps approaching, breathing heavily. Once you pull away, you put distance between the two of you as you try to fix your hair and clothes after getting off the tabletop.
Turns out, it was just someone wanting to use the bathroom, and you really doubt they were awake enough to make notice of any sort of noise. Still, you and Jooyeon share a look before chuckling, shaking your heads in defeat.
The blonde comes to you, tilting your chin up so you look up at him. “We’re not done.” He whispers matter of factly, smiling when you mock him playfully, before tugging you in for a short kiss by your neck.
“Go sleep, we wake up early tomorrow.” You reply with a small blush, pushing him away lightly.
“Yess ma’am.” Jooyeon rasps with a small salute, kissing you once more before walking away. “Hope you can’t sleep tomorrow either.” He says lastly, exiting the kitchen after giving you a quick wink.
Oh Seungmin
Summary: Getting you under the mistletoe was proving to be more difficult than Seungmin thought it would be. Maybe he’ll just have to kiss you and confess without it.
WC: ~1.2k
Warning: none
Seven mistletoes. There were seven mistletoes hanging around the ceiling of the Christmas party Jiseok was throwing. Normally Seungmin would tell Jiseok that he was over killing it with all the mistletoes, but he had a plan this year. A plan that should be highly benefiting from the allotment of mistletoes hanging across the ceiling. However, somehow it’s not. Seungmin has been trying for the past two hours to get the two of you under one of the many mistletoes to no avail.
“I’m confessing to y/n this year,” Seungmin decided.
“Seriously? You’re finally doing it? After dancing around it for over a year?” Jiseok looked at Seungmin with a mix of surprise and excitement.
“Yes, I’m going to do it this year,” Seungmin spoke with determination.
“That’s good. I’m glad.” Gunil came over and gave Seungmin a pat on the shoulder. “Now how are you going to go about it?” he asked, taking a seat on the couch. Jiseok looked at Seungmin waiting for his answer.
“At Jiseok’s annual Christmas party. I’m gonna get us both under the mistle and confess my feelings,” he answered.
“Sounds like a cheesy Christmas movie, but I like it,” Gunil said. Jiseok gets a mischievous glint in his eyes. A smirk following closely after.
“And I’m going to make sure it happens,” he states. Already thinking about placing too many mistletoes around his house.
Numerous couples and noncouples alike had been getting caught under those dangerous mistletoes all evening. Each passing couple that wasn’t you and Seungmin made Seungmin begin to doubt going through with his confession. Because at this point it seemed like you and him were some of the few people left who hadn’t fallen victim to sharing some form of a kiss under the mistletoe.
You had excused yourself to the bathroom and Seungmin disheartenedly slouch himself over the counter in Jiseok’s kitchen.
“Maybe I’m not meant to confess to them,” Seungmin sighed as Jiseok rubbed his back.
“Don’t say that-” Before Jiseok can finish his sentence Seungmin interrupts.
“Why not? There’s seven-”
“Ten.” Now Jiseok is the one to interrupt.
“What?” Seungmin questioned.
“I added three more when I saw that somehow the seven wasn’t enough for you to get y/n under one,” Jiseok explained.
Seungmin groaned. “That’s even worse, but anyway there’s ten mistletoes and I still can’t get both y/n and I under one to confess. Maybe it’s a sign,” Seungmin says.
“You know you don’t need a mistletoe to confess. I know it was apart of your plan, but you don’t actually need a mistletoe to kiss someone.” Jiseok leaned in to whisper the last part like it was a secret.
Seungmin half laughed, half scoffed, “I know, but I feel like I’m going to trip over my own tongue if I diverge from the plan.”
“Then don’t worry. I’ll handle it,” he pats Seungmin and the shoulder and walks away. Presumably to work on whatever he has planned to get you and Seungmin together under a mistletoe.
You had the perfect timing of walking back as Jisoek was walking away.
“He looks like he’s up to no good,” you commented playfully when you saw the prankish look on Jiseok’s face as you walked by him.
“Probably gonna hang up more mistletoes,” Seungmin tells.
“More? There’s already seven. He wants everyone here to kiss or what?” you laughed.
“There’s ten actually," he informed you.
“What?” you looked at him in shock.
“Yep, apparently he’s snuck putting three more up over the course of the evening,” he said.
“I guess we’re really immune to them then. If there’s ten I feel like we should’ve been caught under one by now,” you voiced.
That’s exactly what Seungmin was thinking. It really killed his motivation to confess to you. So much that he’s unable to contain his sigh over it.
“Are you ok?” you asked him, placing your hand on his arm, thumbing absentmindedly stroking back and forth in a soothing manner.
“Oh..yeah,” he told you when he realized he didn’t suppress his sigh. “It’s just getting kinda hot in here, with all the Christmas sweaters,” he laughed lightly, hoping his excuse was believable.
“Yeah it is a little warm in here. Do you want to step out for some air?” you suggested. Your hand was still placed on his arm.
“Yeah, sounds good,” he agreed.
The two of you walked out the back door into the chilly night air. Either of you got comfortable leaning against the wall of the house. Christmas lights shining above the pair of you along with the shining stars above.
“you don’t actually need a mistletoe to kiss someone.” Seungmin thought over Jiseok’s words as the two of you stood outside. He also thinks back to what you said back inside about feeling like the two of you should have been caught under a mistletoe by now. He thinks about your tone when you said that. You didn’t sound like you were opposed to the idea of the two of you being under a mistletoe together.
“Y/n, tonight I actually had a plan when I came here,” he tells you. You turn to him, intrigued by what he just said.
“What plan?” you asked, feeling curious.
“I wanted the two of us to get caught under a mistletoe together. That’s why I let Jiseok keep so many of them up,” he explained. Good think the chilly air already brought a pink hue to your cheeks because if it hadn’t the blush on your face brought on by Seungmin’s words would have been very obvious.
“You wanted to be under the mistletoe with me?” You couldn’t hide your smile. Yes, you had liked Seungmin for a long time and you’re pretty sure that he liked you too. However instead of expressing your feelings you both kept dancing around them.
Seungmin turns towards you and takes your hands in his. “Yeah, I did. I wanted to confess to you under a mistletoe, but somehow even with ten mistletoes lurking around I couldn’t get us both under one.”
Almost as if on cue Jiseok’s voice rings from above you two, “No more escaping the mistletoe for you two.” Jiseok’s poking his head out of the window holding a mistletoe on a stick, dangling it directly above you both. Seungmin and you laugh at his antics.
“I guess that’s what he was up to,” you say. Seungmin takes a step closer to you, his hands that were holding yours slide up your arm, now resting around your elbows. The atmosphere around you shifts to a more intimate one.
“Well now that we’re under a mistletoe. Can I?” His eyes glance down at your lips telling you what he’s asking about.
“Please,” you agree. Seungmin leans down and you close your eyes. His lips soon press against yours in a delicate kiss. It feels magical, perfect. A moment you’ll never forget. When the two of you part. Seungmin rests his forehead against yours.
“I like you by the way. If that wasn’t already obvious,” he smiles.
“I like you too,” you smiled and leaned your head to connect your lips again in a quick, but loving peck. Finally you and Seungmin were together. Just in time to spend the winter season snuggled up together.
I actually have thought about posting some stuff on AO3 but i am deeply deeply terrified of the AO3 author curse because life's already been kicking my ass the last thing i need is for it to get worse bc i posted my fics on AO3 it might be stupid but I'm so 🤚😭
This is going to get really long but if you are a fanfic writer that uses google docs, it's so important that you read this as it affects you
If you haven't been aware about the previous discussion going around regarding google docs and what's been going on for about the last year now, let me recap it really fast: their shitty ai has *allegedly* (i mean we pretty much know but just to be safe) been scraping your work for ai training purposes and also using ai to moderate the content you are writing in docs - meaning that if it finds anything it doesn't approve of, like violence or sexual content, your docs will be deleted or locked for breaking policy, even if it's not.
Since July, I’ve only noticed the moderation affecting a few users here and there, but over the last couple of days my social feeds have shown me several fanfic writers from multiple fandoms posting about how their backup fic docs or works in progress docs are being deleted without warning or any kind of notice.
The screenshot above (via this tiktok) is from a couple hours ago & sadly that writer lost pretty much their entire collection of fics, and unfortunately they are not the only person this has happened to.
The purge that is happening right now seems to be SPECIFICALLY TARGETING FANFICS and (so far) not any other docs or novels in progress. But it’s a mass deletion, not just one or two doc like before.
IF YOU USE GOOGLE DOCS TO WRITE OR GOOGLE DRIVE TO BACK UP FICS: please please pleaseeeee start downloading your work before you lose it for good.
This is not meant to cause panic, but I heavily consider it time sensitive as I would just really hate for this to happen to anyone here or anywhere else. Check to see if you are missing any wips or if your docs are locked.
If you need help figuring out how to download your work, or need ideas on where to write or store your work going forward, many of us fellow fanfic writers would be happy to share that info with you based on our writing processes. I'll share some resources below, and if you have any that i'm missing please comment them so others can look into it as well!
If this has happened to you, first of all: I'm so sorry, and secondly: please share your experience!
how/when did you notice, what did you lose, did you reach out to support, was support helpful/responsive, was your work ever recovered or did you lose everything for good?
word count: 28.3k
tags: jiseok x fem reader, mostly sfw but there is like one nsfw scene so be warned, fake relationship au, college au, wedding au, dumb and dumber, they think it's one sided because they're idiots but its really not, jiseok man wtf, jiseok is terrible at lying for like 20 minutes, lighthearted, comedy, everyone is tired of them, everyone knows except them like pls get a grip, getting together, they're both in SO MUCH denial, gunil plays cupid, happy ending duh, junhan is your best friend, jooyeon is jiseok's cousing and he also gets married, seungmin is very suspicious, junhan has a boyfriend, jiseok is scared of his own feelings, 'we're just acting' they said like the lying liars they are, jiseok is too jealous for his own good, there's some pink hair dye involved, you're both crybabies
plot: Jiseok doesn't lie like...ever...but his mom won’t stop pressuring him about getting into a relationship so he gets himself into a mess by saying he’s been in one for months in a fit of panic so Gunil suggests he asks you since you're down for everything because his mom made him promise he'd bring his irlfriend as a plus one at his cousin’s wedding and somehow you two end up kissing all the time and oh now what do you mean you caught feelings??? Who would've thought???
(pls like and enjoy this i am begging you)
In this world, there’s two types of people: those who lie as if it’s breathing and those who couldn’t tell a lie even if their life depended on it.
Sadly, Jiseok was the second kind. He never really thought it was a bad thing, he actually took quite some pride in how much of a honest person he is, even though sometimes it would result into getting nasty stares because he couldn’t lie to protect someone’s feelings or he would have no choice but to deal with the consequences of his own actions rather than lying his way out of it.
Jiseok wasn’t a liar. There is nothing he loved more than the cold cruel justice. In his eyes, everything happens for a reason and everyone will eventually get back what they give. Lying only created useless problems that made you waste your energy on matters that were unimportant, so why should he complicate his own life for no reason? That’s the way his brain has worked since birth and that’s the way his brain will work forever.
At least, that’s the way his brain used to work, until…
“You really aren’t getting any younger and neither am I, son…I should be asking you to get married at this age but I’m a good understanding mother so I won’t but, please…I need to know you will have someone by your side when I’m no longer here..” His mother sighs dramatically during a family dinner, a weekend when he decided to visit his hometown.
“Ma…” Jiseok groans, chewing on his food, body deflating tiredly.
“Are you gay? Because that’s totally fine too I wo-” She starts and Jiseok widens his eyes.
“Why does it matter if I have a girlfriend…or boyfriend? We could break up after you die anyways.” He squints, his dad snickering from beside his mom before clearing his throat when she hits his arm.
“What do you mean why?? Don’t you want to see your mother happy, Kwak Jiseok?? What type of son are you?? I kept waiting, I even tried to set you up on blind dates…really, what is this? Do you hate me? Are you just against seeing me happy?” She pouts, fake tears forming in her eyes.
Jiseok doesn’t lie. Ever. But he’s been having to deal with his mother’s antics for about three years now and it was starting to get irritating because they couldn’t have a single meal without her mentioning it and trying to guilt trip him. All he wanted to do was focus on his studies, have fun with his friends and eventually get a good job. Why waste his time on a relationship?
It’s not as if he was running away from it, he was simply not searching for one. Relationships are supposed to be an addition to your life, not the sole purpose of your existence. Unless, you were his mom, of course.
Jiseok doesn’t lie, but for some reason he blurts out “Fine! I do have a girlfriend, okay??” As soon as the words leave his mouth, both of his parents drop their forks on their plates. “I wasn’t gonna say anything until it was more serious but there, I guess…” He mumbles, ducking his face down.
“Oh my god?? For how long?? Who is she?? What’s her name?? Is she your age?? Is she pretty??” His mother cheers, and he grimaces as his father looks at him amused.
“I don’t want to give you more details, you’ll probably stalk her and show up at her front door with chocolate.” Jiseok says quickly, pretending his hands are not getting sweaty because of the nerves.
“Well, how about you bring her as a plus one to your cousin’s wedding?” His father smiles and Jiseok chokes on the water he was chugging down. He might kill himself.
“Ah I don’t know…isn’t that kind of-” He starts but sighs and nods tiredly when his mother sternly tells him he will because it’s the least he could do for her.
Jiseok goes back that day and considers hitting his head very hard on a wall as Gunil looks at him amused from the couch while drinking his beer.
“I can’t believe you never lie and the one time you do you get yourself into this much shit.” The older snickers, shaking his head as the blonde lays on the floor, looking up at the ceiling.
“My mom’s gonna kill me, you should’ve seen her eyes man, she was close to crying out of happiness. CRYING! They want me to bring her for dinner NEXT WEEK.” He whines, hands covering his face with a loud groan.
“Well…you either find a girlfriend in a week or you break your mom’s heart.” The drummer shrugs. “Or you get a fake girlfriend.” He jokes, widening his eyes when his friend shoots up from the floor, holding on to the other’s shoulders amazed.
“Koo Gunil YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS!” Jiseok grins excitedly.
“It was a joke-I-” The older blinks, dumbfounded. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just find an actual girlfriend? You act as if you’d have a hard time with that face.” Gunil rolls his eyes, but Jiseok shakes his head quickly.
“I don’t want a girlfriend, they’re a lot of work and the whole thing before dating?? The pining, not knowing if she likes you, and when girls get jealous they start fights and-i don’t have the time for that. I would need to find a super specific girl that’s super fun to be around and confident and extrovert and that- whatever, not the point! It’s easier!” He nods, sitting next to Gunil.
“One small problem is I don’t know anyone down for it. My friends are either in a relationship or lesbians or my family knows them and knows I don’t like them. I need someone that they don’t know that well but if it’s a complete stranger they’ll get suspicious-” Jiseok sighs, thinking.
“What about my friend?” Gunil says, sipping on his beer. “Remember the one I convinced to come with me during the band audition so she would suck and I’d look better in comparison? She’s always down for everything.”
“Shit, really? Wouldn't that be weird though? We talked like four times…” The blonde wonders, looking at the photo on Gunil’s phone. “She’s hot…” He mumbles to himself.
“Nah, she loves to do weird shit like this, she has this whole idea of having a lot of experiences so she won’t regret it when she dies. Plus, she’s like a pathological liar, one time she convinced Jooyeon France isn’t real.” The older one laughs, making Jiseok let out an impressed breath.
“Oh wow she’s my dream woman.” He grins. “Can you ask her? Pleasepleaseplease-” He starts, but the other shakes his head amused.
“You do it, everytime i ask her for a favor she asks for something in return. I don’t wanna go ghost hunting in the middle of the night again, last time I almost shit myself.”
Jiseok whines annoyed but nods, spending a lot of time at home thinking about how exactly to ask a girl he’s barely been around to be his fake girlfriend for about a month until the wedding.
If you two were close, he wouldn’t be this stressed but what if he comes off as weird or desperate-well, he /is/ desperate, but still! The last thing he wants is to be awkward with one of his friend’s closest friends. So, he makes a game plan: he’ll walk around the campus during the time you so conveniently have a free hour, with your favorite type of coffee and casually, very not anxiously ask you to help him.
The next day, you were sitting on the grass under a tree on your phone, back resting against it as one of your legs was propped up. Suddenly, you hear your name being called out by a familiar voice, and when you look up there is Jiseok holding a coffee cup with your name on it, a bag of snacks and a big smile.
“Hi…?” You say confused, grabbing the coffee weirded out by the sudden appearance.
You and Jiseok knew each other. You met a few times during hang outs at Gunil’s house and you’d always go to their shows since Gunil insisted it’s your job as his good friend. You always thought he was cool and he /was/ one of the most gorgeous people you’ve ever seen but you two never really got close.
“Okay so I don’t know if Gunil talked to you but I need your help and you’re the only person I could go to because my parents know all of my other friends but if it’s a total stranger they’ll be suspicious and know i’m lying and kill me and- I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend until my cousin’s wedding!” He says in one breath, voice pleading.
You blink at him, holding back a laugh and opening your mouth to say something before he goes on.
“I’ll buy you coffee every day and- and I'll write your essays for the rest of the school year just please help me out, I swear I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t a life or death situation!” He whines, clasping his hands together.
You laugh softly, sipping on your coffee, letting out a small pleased noise at the taste. “Alright.”
“Alright??” Jiseok widens his eyes surprised and you nod.
“I would’ve done it for free but since you offered, I will be sending you my homework.” You grin, pulling out your phone and giving it to him to put his number in it. “Why do you need a fake girlfriend?” You ask opening the bag of snacks, offering Jiseok one which he gladly takes.
“My mom keeps being on my ass about not having a girlfriend so I panicked and told them I was already dating someone.” The blonde sighs, sitting next to you tiredly.
“What about a…real…girlfriend?” You frown confused. “Wouldn’t that be way easier?”
“They want to have dinner next week already and I have no one I’m interested in. Plus, I don’t want a girlfriend, too much work, I’m fine with watching romcoms and imagining.” He nods, and you hold in a laugh before bursting out into laughter.
“You’re so odd.” You note, resting your head against the tree. “What exactly am I supposed to do? Just have dinner with them?”
“And look in love. I might or might have not said we’ve been dating for three months already…” He grims and you look at him baffled.
“Three??? Jiseok I barely know your last name, what the fuck-” You whine covering your face. “Okay, fine. It’s doable, yes. We just need to…study. And take pictures. Lots of them.” You nod to yourself, snapping a picture of him while he wasn’t looking.
“Oh wow you’re good…” Jiseok says looking at the picture you now set as your lock screen, amazed.
“I used to be a girlfriend for rent in my first year.” You answer casually, making the other widen his eyes even more. “It pays pretty well.”
“Wait, you can actually do that??? I thought it was like something people lied about.” He whispers.
“No, it’s easier than you think. Kind of dangerous, but that’s how I paid for my laptop.” You grin, opening a document on it. “Okay so, I need a run down of your family, and yourself and …everything.”
Jiseok looks at you for a while before gently closing your laptop. “I know we’re supposed to be fake dating but wouldn’t it be better if we /actually/ got to know each other? If you study it, it’ll come off as unnatural.” He debates and you let out a small nod.
“Uu so you want to take me out on a date?? Never took you as the type to be so direct.” You say playfully and Jiseok squints.
“Yeah, I should take my girlfriend out on dates before we have dinner with my parents.” He argues and you hum.
You put your laptop away, turning around and sitting on your knees next to him. You look over his face for a few moments before cupping his face and kiss him once. Jiseok barely gets to kiss back before you pull away, leaving him blinking multiple times.
“Woah- I- okay, yes, we should kiss to make it more believable.” He nods and you giggle.
“Sorry if it was sudden, I figured it’s better to get it out of the way already.” You whisper, face still close to him. The blonde looks at your features with a small nod, licking his lips. “We’ll have to take pictures to show your parents, you know?” You say but Jiseok doesn’t really seem to be listening.
Instead, he pulls you closer by your waist and starts kissing you slowly. You let out a small surprised noise but kiss back, letting out a laugh when you hear the bell ring. You pull away, hand on his chest. “I have to go.” You whisper.
“When are you free to hang out? We don’t have a lot of time.” He asks barely above a whisper and you look at the sky thinking.
“I have a pretty big exam on Wednesday and a project for friday-” You wince, knowing you have to probably have dinner with his parents on the weekend.
Jiseok groans, resting his head back on the tree before looking back at you. “I could pick you up when your classes end and grab some food if you want to.” He offers and you smile nodding.
“Sure, I get out early today. I’ll text you.” You say grabbing your things and turning around to look at him while walking. “Please write down some super important things I’m supposed to know!!” You say before rushing away.
Jiseok looks at you leaving dumbfounded. This was definitely…way easier than he expected it to be. He knew Gunil said you’ll be down for it but he didn’t really expect things to be /this/ easy. He looks at the bag of chips you forgot to take and grabs it with a chuckle, shaking his head, feeling weirdly giddy.
He smiles to himself when you send him a selfie looking bored in your class before clearing his throat and saving your number with the “my girl <3” ID. The day went by pretty quickly and before you knew it, you found yourself waiting for Jiseok at the main entrance.
You soon came to realize that you and Jiseok actually had a lot of things in common. From music taste to shows you like, and you were pretty sure pretending with him will be easier than you imagined.
“What do you mean you broke your arm falling off the bed??” You laugh, eating some of the meat he grilled for you.
“I used to sleep really badly!” He defends himself with a whine, laughing too. “I’m not that bad now…I don’t think so.”
“So if we ever sleep together I’ll have to wear a helmet, that’s what I’m hearing.” You tease, blush spreading across the blonde’s cheeks.
“Who said anything about that??”
“Didn’t you say your cousin’s wedding is in another city?? We can’t share bunk beds at the hotel if we’re supposed to be in a serious relationship, idiot.” You squint amused. “Have you never had a girlfriend before??”
“I have!! I swear!...a few years ago….” He winces, making you laugh hard.
“High School relationships don’t count, oh my god…we have so much work to do…” You shake your head with a tsk. “Why is your mom so set on you having a girlfriend?” You ask tilting your head with a frown.
“She’s just worried she keeps getting older and she thinks I’ll only ever be a /real man/ if I show I can be in a serious relationship, I don’t know, you know how old people get.” Jiseok purses his lips, eating.
“You know, I think we should do method acting, it’ll work faster.” You say casually, and the blonde raises an eyebrow.
“You’re not into me, right? Cuz this is really awkward if you are and I'm not-” He starts and you roll your eyes.
“You’re such a dude, Jesus Christ…remember /you/ came to me to help you out. I’m just saying because there’s still this awkwardness and we need to get rid of it quickly. We can’t afford for your parents to even have time to suspect anything. Do any of your friends know it’s a lie?”
“Gunil was the one to come up with the idea so for now only him…but I think if they see us together they’ll be quick to figure it out.” Jiseok hums, munching on his food as you scrunch your nose thinking.
“Okay, so keep up the act. All. The. Time.” You point your finger at him squinting. “I remember Gunil telling me you’re really bad at lying so if you treat this as a lie you’ll get caught.” You explain, the blonde groaning.
“But how am I supposed to treat it?? It IS a lie!! Oh god…what if everyone already knows and they’re just messing with me??? OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY’LL DISOWN ME-” He starts panicking and you stare at him.
“You…you’re so-” You start but then shake your head, getting up and grabbing him by the shoulders. “Kwak Jiseok! Focus!” You complain, slightly shaking him. “You don’t /know/ how to keep up with a lie!”
“So what am I supposed to do?!” He asks, this time rocking his body on his own as you laugh at his dramatics.
“Kwak Jiseok. Look at me.” You say in a serious tone, grabbing his face and squishing his cheeks. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” You ask, trying your best not to pull out your phone and take a photo of his shocked expression.
“Wha-but we’re not-” He starts and you tilt your head at him with raised eyebrows, hoping he understands where you’re going with this. “W-Oh-OHHH!....Yeah! Sure!” He nods, grinning and you scoff before kissing him shortly.
“Okay. Done. Not a lie. You’re my boyfriend. We just need to…catch up.” You smile, sitting back down as you munch on your food, the other instantly relaxing at the thought that the relationship isn’t a lie…kinda.
“You know, the way you tiptoe around the truth is kind of concerning.” Jiseok purses his lips, making your lips twitch amusedly.
“Well for now, it’s what’s saving our ass soooo…” You start and then poke your tongue out at him, the other doing the same, causing you to open your mouth, playfully offended. “Oh yeah?” You ask, before grabbing the last piece of meat off his plate and putting it on yours, giving him the middle finger.
The older gasps, leaning over to take it back before you put it between your teeth but just as you’re about to bite into it he grabs the back of your neck and bites the other half, leaning back into his seat and chewing satisfied with your surprised expression. You blink a couple times and slowly eat your food, not sure why your heart skipped a beat, not caring about the man laughing as he takes a picture of you.
“I’ll get back at you…when you least expect it.” You nod determinedly, the older asking for the check, crossing his arms.
“Get back?! You started!!” He reminds you with a chuckle, paying before getting up with you. You look at him annoyedly and poke your tongue out, only for the other to pull on it with his fingers as you groan, slapping his arm.
“Jerk!!” You laugh, pushing him away playfully before going back to walking.
Pretending was definitely easier once Jiseok could lie to himself that this was an actual relationship, but that didn’t mean you two were fully comfortable with each other. Not because of any weird tension but more so because you were both worried about overstepping boundaries or having the other one think you were doing too much.
That is why that week, your interactions in public resumed to you two kissing each other’s cheek when meeting on the hallways or hanging out when you both had a break at the same time. Like now, when you were sitting on the grass next to Jiseok, Gunil and one of their bandmates, Seungmin.
You and Seungmin didn’t have a lot of things in common, so you avoided being around him one on one, but you didn’t mind being in a group with him. After all, it was hard not to be around him when he was one of the closest to both Jiseok and Hyeongjun, one of your best friends.
Seungmin and Jiseok being so close is also why you were so worried about him. If anyone could figure it out first, it would be him. You know he cares about Jiseok and wouldn’t ruin it for him but you also know that the thought of someone catching him red handed would make him absolutely lose it.
You weren’t going to let Jiseok know about how much Seungmin’s presence stresses you out, so when you heard Gunil say he was on his way with coffee, you rested your head on Jiseok’s shoulder, hugging his arm. The blonde blinks at you a little confused. “Are you okay?” He whispers worriedly, and you simply look up at him and nod shortly with a small smile.
“You two disgust me. What happened to not searching for a real relationship?? All it took was FOUR DAYS??” Gunil complains, you and Jiseok sharing a small knowing look, letting out a small chuckle.
You both decided it was a better idea if absolutely everyone believed the charade, since it meant less stress for Jiseok and more likeliness of the plan to actually work. So now, from Gunil’s point of view, you two planned on having a fake relationship but actually started dating. So in his head, the only lie is how much you two have been together for.
Seungmin was looking at you two quietly while sipping his coffee, analyzing the situation. The body language, the way you looked at Jiseok, the way when the blonde’s screen lit up, the photo he took of you at the restaurant shows up as a lock screen. You were being observed. Heavily so.
“You know, I’m kinda mad about the fact that you didn’t tell me about this.” The black haired man sighs, looking at his friend.
“Ah well…it was kinda…unexpected…I didn’t want to bring your hopes up for nothing…” Jiseok grimaces, and you could physically feel him recoil at yet another lie he had to tell.
Seungmin simply hums, not very convinced, but lets it go for the sake of it. You purse your lips, feeling a little guilty since technically, although not a complete lie, it wasn't a complete truth and you could feel Jiseok tense next to you. So, because you’re a good girlfriend, you squeeze his bicep reassuringly before caressing it, feeling the other relax slightly, his head resting on yours.
At that, Seungmin’s lips twitch into a small smile, glancing at Gunil shortly. “So how are you two going to deal with his mom?” He frowns after having the situation explained to him, both you and Jiseok groaning in unison.
“I’ll go pray or something…” You mumble, your so-called boyfriend whining. “Don’t do that! This is on you! You could’ve told your mom we just started dating! Why did you have to go to that extreme?!” You accuse him, pointing a finger at him, earning a laugh from his friends.
“I panicked! It’s whatever! It’s done!!” He moves his hand dismissively, whining again when you pinch his sides, doing the same to you, before you playfully smack his head, earning him pinching your arm in return. This turns into a push and pull and you are now on the grass gasping for air while laughing, begging him to stop as he is pinning you down while tickling your sides.
Gunil and Seungmin share another look, knowing more than either of you two knew at that moment. And because he is such a good friend, Seungmin takes a video of it, cheering for you. “AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE?” Jiseok groans when you turn the two of you around, trying to get away from you.
“NOT AFTER YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND! I ACTUALLY LIKE HER MORE THAN I LIKE YOU!” Seungmin grins, and just as you get distracted by posing for the camera, the blonde takes the opportunity to turn you two around one last time and pin your arms down. He looks down at you, the both of you breathing heavily and you look up at him, laugh slowly dying down.
You don’t know when Gunil and Seungmin left, too busy looking at the way his hair fell on his eyes and the way his expression was playful but determined, and him being too busy noticing the way your chest was raising up and down or the leaf that was stuck in your hair. You stay like that for a bit, before the other clears his throat, sitting up followed by you.
You scoff, brushing your clothes as you look at him annoyedly, the older smiling softly while taking the leaf out of your hair. “I think that was convincing enough.”
“Was the violence necessary??” You protest, the blonde nodding quickly with a laugh, stopping your hand as you try to smack his arm and pulling you close to him, in a way that makes your body crash into his, before he kisses you slowly. You stiff for a moment, taken aback before you kiss back, hand fidgeting with his shirt.
You’re not too sure if it was the lack of physical affection up until now or the fact that Jiseok’s cologne was your favorite type, but you found yourself feeling giddy when his lips touched yours. You figured it was because after all, he was attractive and a good kisser, not because of any other hidden reasons.
Jiseok, too, figured that his heart thumping so hard he could hear it in his head and his breath shortening was because you were admittedly attractive and because he was still stressed out about the lie, not because of any other hidden reasons.
You were both terribly wrong.
You pull away after a while, looking at the boy as your tongue brushes against your lower lip, letting out a shuddered breath. “What was that for?” You ask in a whisper, not pulling away.
“You wouldn’t stop being annoying.” He breathes out, before laughing softly when you push him away with a groan, biting back a smile. “Are you free today? We should have a pop quiz.”
“Pop quiz?” You giggle. “Are we going to act like we’re on the wheel of fortune?”
“Yeah?? Are you kidding me?? How do I know you even read my texts about all the info?? What if you are lazy and you’ll be the reason for our downfall??”
At that, you can’t help but laugh with skepticism. “You’re the one about to hyperventilate at the smallest lie you tell!” You correct, the other mocking you. “Oh yeah, really mature, Kwak Jiseok. Very manly of you.” You make fun of him while getting up, dodging his attempt to poke your sides.
“I was going to go home and have a self care day since I had to stay up until five in the morning to finish the project for tomorrow, but SURE. Come over when you want to so I can kick you out when I’m tired of you.” You suggest, walking away.
“YOU SHOULDN’T SPEAK TO YOUR BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT!” He yells after you with a laugh, and you wave him off.
“MY BOYFRIEND’S A LITTLE BITCH!!” You yell back, giggling at his distant protests.
Getting along with Jiseok came pretty naturally, you think to yourself as you were both eating some pizza while sitting on your couch, watching tv. You somehow got close enough in a few days to feel comfortable with playful banter and jokingly insulting each other. You look over to him, wondering why it is that you two never really bonded until now.
And when Jiseok reaches over for the pillow next to you, eyes fixated on the screen as he mutters a small sorry when his elbow brushes your torso, you realize maybe it’s just that now was the right time.
Strangely, being with him felt very comforting, but the pace to which you felt yourself getting attached to him was terrifying because there’s no reason as to why you should not care about the fact that he was now rummaging through your fridge to find a can of soda before coming back on the couch.
You guess that’s part of his charm as a person. He’s about the only guy you could think of that would get away with making himself at home in a stranger’s house. Although, if you were to ask Jiseok, he would defend it by saying you’re not a stranger but his girlfriend, before apologizing and offering you some soda, which you gladly take.
At some point you were no longer paying attention to the tv but asking each other random questions about the other.
“HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FORGET I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT?? WHAT TYPE OF GIRLFRIEND ARE YOU??” He gasps with wide eyes when you get a question wrong.
“WHA- YOU DRINK BANANA MILK LIKE…DAILY!!!” You gasp, mimicking his expression. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE OR SOMETHING? DO YOU LIKE THE IDEA OF SHITTING YOURSELF TO DEATH??”
Jiseok groans, nose scrunching in disgust as he throws his pillow at you. “THAT’S NOT THE POINT!! IT’S LIKE A CRUCIAL PART OF MYSELF!!”
“Oh yeah, just like your STUPIDITY!!” You laugh, throwing the pillow back at him, both of you getting into a pillow fight, before his phone rings.
“Shit- shit shit shit MY MOM IS CALLING!” The man lets out a squeal, jumping up from the couch.
“So?” You frown, fixing your hair.
“VIDEO-CALLING!” He screams, wiggling the phone in your face, pacing around. You look at him for a few moments before grabbing his wrist and dragging him into his bedroom.
“Take off your shirt.” You instruct, the older widening his eyes even more.
“HUH?!”
“JISEOK FOR FUCK’S SAKE I SAID TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!” You yell and the other can simply let out a small whine, doing as told as you push him on the bed to lay down on it. You mess up your hair quickly and lay half on top of him, head on his chest as your eyes stay closed and your mouth is slightly open.
It takes a while for the other to understand where you’re going with this but when he finally does, he wraps his free arm around your shoulders caressing your hair and answers the phone, with a nervous laugh.
“A-ah hey ma’...I was just- laying down with my girlfriend…” He starts and you quickly realize you need to make him shut up before he vomits the truth so you let out a small noise, hugging him tighter as you frown your eyebrows, slowly opening your eyes and looking up at him before moving up to peck his lips.
Jiseok blinks a little, lips forming into a small smile before he looks over your face. “Hey, did I wake you up?”
“Mm kinda, I felt you moving…” You grumble, wiping your eyes as you squint at the phone. “Oh! Hello, sorry- I didn’t know-” You start apologizing but his mother tells you not to worry happily, saying she only wanted to check up on you two, before informing her son when exactly she will arrive and then hanging up.
Jiseok finally lets out a breath he’s been holding in, slamming his phone on the mattress as you laugh at him. “Was the shirtless part really necessary?” He asks, curiously.
“Yes and no. If you let me nap with you shirtless it’ll let your mom know we’re really intimate in private so it’s more believable we’ve been dating for a while.” You explain, the other’s lips making a circular sound, impressed at the thoughtfulness. It’s also because he looked really hot without a t-shirt on but he didn’t need to know that.
Jiseok puts on a shirt complaining about how it’s too cold, but you two end up in the same position as before, neither of you moving, as you keep asking each other questions, before going over the story of how you two met and started dating.
A short while after that, you two ended up talking about the time you destroyed a theater set in middle school because of the wires in your angel costume getting stuck. Jiseok laughs with his head thrown back and his eyes closed, looking back at you.
“Are you serious?? This sounds like something out of a movie.” You nod embarrassed, burying your head in his chest as he laughs more.
“It was very traumatizing for me!” You whine, patting his stomach to get him to stop making fun of you. “Plus, it’s not more embarrassing than plugging in your guitar in the bass amp on the first day on the job-” You start, smiling mischievously at his doe eyes. “Mhm, that’s right, Gunil told me. He also told me you tripped on the cable and fell on top of Jungsu and you gave him a little kisss-” You grin, puckering your lips as he groans, covering his face.
“IT WASN’T A KISS MY LIPS JUST HIT HIS EYE AND IT WAS VERY PAINFUL!” He defends himself, making you laugh even more.
“Mhmmmm whatever you sayyyy boy kissserrrr!” You giggle, letting out a surprised noise when Jiseok starts puckering his lips, moving them in a funny way, trying to get close to you. “NO GET AWAY FROM MY EYE!” You grunt, fighting for your life as he was trying to get closer while laughing.
The blonde gets on top of you trying to get closer but you manage to get control by swiping his leg with yours and turning the both of you around. “Woah-” He breathes out impressed as you grin down at him. “How did you-”
“I watch a lot of movies.” You nod proudly, moving your lips in the same way he did, the older snickering as he pretends to try to get away, but wraps his arms around your waist instead, looking up at you and doing the same thing trying to intimidate you.
You squint, and cup his jaw, pecking him once with a loud sound, before you move to his cheek and blow a raspberry on it, earning an annoyed whine from the boy, who pulls away with squinted eyes before trying to do the same to you. However, before his lips reach your cheek you move away, making your lips touch, which turns into a mix of giggles before you peck him a few times.
Jiseok mumbles something about you being gross and annoying before kissing you softly, as your arms find their way around his neck. The kiss started innocently, really. The problem was that neither of you knew when it was the right time to stop so you simply…did not stop.
You hug Jiseok closer, one arm around his neck as the other moves in his hair, the man breathing in as his arms wrap tighter around your waist. Kissing Jiseok was intoxicating. He was annoyingly good at it, and it felt addictive so instead of pulling away, you tentatively pull on his bottom lip, earning a small sigh from the blonde.
Now that you think of it, this was a good idea. After all, you needed to practice intimacy and it would definitely be awkward if you two never even properly made out before meeting his parents.
Jiseok seems to have the same idea, because his hands grip on your waist just a little tighter and his kisses get slightly needier. You caress his jaw before playing with his lip, breathing heavily as you open your eyes.
When you do, you think to yourself this is what heaven must look like, because his cheeks were rosy and lips puffy and his hair was messily falling on his face as he was looking at you with a hazed expression.
The older licks his lips, looking over your face, eyes quickly moving back to your lips, hands wanting to leave your waist so badly but never doing so. And when you sit on his lap more properly as his back rests against the headboard, he finds himself quickly breaking out of his trance in panic.
You look over Jiseok’s face innocently, before grabbing his hand and moving it on your ass. “If you want your parents to believe we’re dating, you’re gonna have to start touching me like a boyfriend.”
“But my parents aren’t here now-” The blonde breathes out, hand frozen in place. You tilt your head at him unimpressed, moving closer to him.
“Not now, but what are you going to do when they see you flinch every time I touch you?” You ask, hand going into his hair.
“I just don’t wanna make you uncomfortable…” He answers blushing, hand on your thigh again, so you press your chest on his.
“If I was uncomfortable I wouldn’t be telling you to grab my ass. Stop worrying about making me uncomfortable, just act the way you’d act with your real girlfriend, your parents are gonna know if you’re pretending, they’re not stupid.” You whisper looking down at him and the blonde licks his lips debating internally for a few moments before moving his hand on your ass and pulling you closer, hand gripping on it before kissing you slowly.
“Mm-that’s more like it.” You whisper smiling, grabbing his hair while kissing him back, pretending your stomach didn’t turn at the action. This kiss wasn’t innocent anymore and you both knew it, because your chest was now pressed on his chest as you hugged his neck, letting out a small noise.
“We should…” The blonde pulls away shortly, breathing heavily, but before he can continue you pull him in another kiss because you really couldn’t not kiss him.
“Mhm..” You agree, grinding once on him while kissing him more passionately when his hands grab your ass as he leans over you to kiss you back, a small moan leaving both of your lips.
The room was filled with heavy breaths and pants, and you really didn’t know how much of it you could handle anymore. Thankfully, a loud knock on the door makes the both of you jump away from the kiss, laughing slightly at the jumpscare.
“I should get that.” You whisper and Jiseok nods, pecking you one last time. You hold back a smile, patting his chest once and getting the door after fixing your hair slightly, frowning.
“Hey uh-sorry… my shower isn’t working, is it cool if I use yours? Please? I just came back from the gym and I feel like a sewer rat-” Jungsu, your neighbor, asks shily. “You’re the only person in this building I trust not to strangle me with the shower curtain.”
“They’re messing with the water again?? I swear to fucking god-” You groan but nod understandingly as you let him in. “Did you call maintenance?” You ask, walking him into your living room.
“Yeah, they’re not picking up, you know how they are. I’ll try again tomorrow, If I knew I would’ve showered at the gym.” He scoffs, grabbing his towel and pajamas.
You were about to ask more about the issue, when the door of your room opens, a very confused and slightly bothered Jiseok looking between the two of you. “What the fu-”
“Oh, you’re here?? Shit, hi man, I didn’t know- did I interrupt something or-” He asks, partially worried and partially teasing after greeting the younger.
“No.” You say, at the same time as Jiseok says “Yes.” You give the blonde a death stare but smile and wave at Jungsu, encouraging him to go into the bathroom.
“Why’s my keyboardist in your apartment at 11PM?” Your fake-boyfriend raises an eyebrow, arms crossed as he comes closer to you.
“His shower’s not working so I let him use mine like the good neighbor I am, why?” You reply mimicking his actions, getting closer to him as well.
“How come you never told me you two are neighbors?” Jiseok asks, irritation clear in his voice as he looks down at you. “And can’t he just wait it out and shower in the morning at the gym or something? Was this really necessary?” He scoffs, eyes rolling.
“Wha-oh my god…” You grin, covering your mouth amused. “You’re jealous!” You point at him, the blonde’s cheeks instantly getting red as he coughs trying to deny your accusations.
“No I’m not! I just- think it’s a bad look! If you let people like that in your apartment at night…and they know you have a boyfriend- I mean- what will they /say/ about us?? And you??” He whisper yells, eyes widened as you nod sarcastically.
You look up at him, arms still crossed as you get close enough for your arms to touch his. “Jiseok?” You whisper grinning, earning a hum from the other. “You’re jealous.” You repeat, but peck his lips once before he could protest. “You’re so so jealous.” You tease more, feeling giddy at the idea of the other getting jealous over something so stupid, especially when he doesn’t really have a reason to since you two are not actually…dating.
“I told you I’m not you’re just not mindfu-” He starts debating, but you smile more, cupping his cheeks and kissing him softly, the blonde playfully pulling away the first few times before you let out a small whine, squishing his cheeks. He lets out a small chuckle, arms looping around your waist, as you caress his jaw, feeling him smile softly in the kiss.
“Better?” You whisper knowingly, pecking him a couple times as you look up at him, face still close to his. He was about to give a snarky reply before you two heard someone clear their throat behind you, making you pull away and look at Jungsu, the blonde keeping one of his arms around your waist, your back on his chest.
“Well uh- thanks for letting me use the shower and sorry again- see you tomorrow at practice!!” He chimes, hurriedly getting his things, as you purse your lips, holding back a smile at Jiseok’s death stare.
“Do you want to stay over for dinner?” You ask, purely out of curiosity as to what your so-called boyfriend’s reaction will be. Jiseok runs his tongue in the inside of his cheek, smiling at you sarcastically as you give him an innocent look.
“Ah su-” Jungsu starts but then blinks fastly a couple times, coughing. “I mean it’s already late and I have food at home, so-yeah-bye!!” The older man corrects, and when he leaves you turn around to see the blonde’s scary expression, making you laugh as you kiss his cheek.
“I can’t believe you scared your bandmate off because you’re jealous.” You giggle, closing the door and walking into the kitchen to heat up some food.
“I didn’t do it because I’m jealous, I did it because he’s annoying and he has a home.” He bites, following you into the kitchen.
“Don’t /you/ have a home?” You raise an eyebrow, the other blinking.
“Oh I figured I’d crash over since it’s late if that’s okay-” He starts but you interrupt him.
“You know, considering you’re my FAKE boyfriend, you wanna be around me too much. I’m starting to think you actually like me.” You joke, but you can see Jiseok’s smile drop, expression and demeanor instantly changing.
You part your lips, feeling a pang in your chest, and you get reminded just how much this isn’t real. He says he remembers he has to study for an exam tomorrow, which you know is a lie but you have no choice other than to give him a small nod and tell him to get a good night’s sleep.
Jiseok barely looks at you as he nods and then grabs his things, leaving you staring at the door, guilt suddenly filling your chest. From the looks of it, lying came easier to Jiseok now, and you’re starting to dislike being the reason for it.
He gets home annoyedly dropping his bag on the floor, Hyeongjun choosing to stay quiet, knowing the blonde will eventually talk about it if he feels like it. But Jiseok doesn’t. He doesn’t have anything to talk about. Hell, he doesn't even have a reason to feel as angry as he does right now. When his screen lights up with a notification and he sees your face on the screen, all he can do is put his phone on the mattress face down as he groans, hands covering his face.
“Fucking hell, Jiseok. Get it together, dude.” He whispers to himself, rubbing his eyes with a sigh. And because he is a very mature and in tune with his emotions type of man, he puts his phone on battery-saving mode so the lock screen would turn black and he could avoid looking at your picture for as long as possible, walking to the living room with his guitar in his hand.
“Can we play?” He asks the other guitarist, who was quietly watching tv in the living room while eating some snacks. Hyeongjun looks over his face for a few moments but decides to simply give the other a short nod before getting up and grabbing his own guitar, setting everything up. If Jiseok needed to angrily strum at 2AM to feel better then so be it.
You lay in your bed, trying to ignore the lump in your throat while thinking about the interaction from earlier. You didn’t mean for it to sound as harsh as it did and now that you look back on it, it was a stupid thing to say in the first place.
You liked Jiseok. It took a date for you to know you did, so why you impulsively said something you knew although real would only make things more uncomfortable, was something you couldn’t explain.
Well maybe you can. You were sure of /your/ feelings, but you were also painfully aware of /his/ feelings, simply by how many times he has repeatedly said he isn’t looking for an actual relationship.
You didn’t necessarily have a crush on him from day one, you always found him attractive and thought he was cute but it was left at that. Until you got to know him, and realized he was annoyingly perfect. Perfect and out of reach.
This whole thing genuinely started as a fun acting gig, but you’re too grown to pretend that the butterflies in your stomach whenever he looks at you or kisses you are from method acting.
You glance at your phone on the nightstand and consider calling. Instead, you settle for tapping the screen every five minutes to look at his picture, considering whether he’d think you’re a weirdo if you showed up at his place to apologize.
Jiseok was strumming the guitar as the other was playing the lead concentrated, both of them choosing to simply enjoy each other’s company instead of talking, as you were turning around from one side to the other, trying to fall asleep.
You scoff, turning on your back, cursing to yourself before you get up, grabbing your phone and keys, not bothering to change as you walk out of the house, praying Hyeongjun is asleep so you wouldn’t have to deal with his judgy look.
Turns out, he was in fact, not asleep, because a few moments after knocking the door, he swung the door open, blinking a couple times in surprise.
“Is Jiseok home?” You ask embarrassed, almost mumbling. Your friend seems to put together two pieces of a missing puzzle together mentally as he gives you a short nod, stepping away so you could enter.
You purse your lips, wincing slightly when Hyeongjun gives you a side eye with a raised eyebrow, walking into his room after picking up his guitar. The blonde was too caught up in the song he was currently playing while sitting on the couch to notice you standing next to him.
When you call his name barely above a whisper, his head shoots up, looking at you with his blonde hair falling on his face. You part your lips, feeling your heartbeat speed up as you look at his oversized band shirt, his plump lips and tired eyes.
His eyes flutter for a few moments, mouth slightly opened in surprise. “Wh-”
“I’m sorry.” You say boldly, guilt obvious in your voice. “About earlier…” You clarify, noticing the way the older’s adam apple moves as he gulps once, taking the guitar off his shoulder, still trying to process everything.
“Shit am I having anger hallucinations right now-” He mumbles to himself, patting his cheek a couple times, making you let out a small laugh, shaking your head. He is so stupid. So very stupid and so very cute.
“I’m serious…I’m sorry If it’s weird I came over at this hour I just…didn’t know if you’d pick up if I called…” You continue, the taller not moving away from his spot. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like that…I-I didn’t mean it in a-” You ramble but the blonde smiles softly, looking over your face. “What?”
“Nothing.” He whispers, as he lets you ramble away how sorry you are all over again. Except, he’s not listening. How could he when your hair is a mess, you’re wearing stupid cat pajamas and you look as cute as you do when you’re stressed?
How could he when you’re the only person to walk all the way to his house to apologize as soon as you fucked up because you’re not immature and annoying? How could he when you looked so pretty right now and he liked you so much?
He liked you. He likes you. He’s been liking you, and it’s so silly how what made him come to terms with it was you coming to his house, close to crying, at two in the morning, because you said something kinda mean.
So, as you keep rambling anxiously, he gets up and cups your jaw with one hand, leaning down and kissing you softly to shut you up. You let out a small whimper, not expecting this type of reaction, but kiss in no time, hands gently holding his shirt. Jiseok smiles slightly, pulling you closer by your waist as you sigh in the kiss, hugging his waist.
Jiseok felt things he never even knew he could feel when you pulled him closer by the waist, his arms hugging your neck before pecking you a couple more times, resting his forehead on yours.
“Are we okay?” You whisper, earning a small nod from the older, because asking why he did it might have given you an answer you didn’t want to hear like oh Hyeongjun is at home, he might overhear if we explain it more or oh i thought we were still supposed to do method acting.
Your lips form a small pout, feeling a weight be lifted off your shoulders as you bury your head in the crock of his neck, hugging him with your eyes closed. The older one bites back a smile, cheek on your head while hugging you back. “Thanks.” He starts, glancing at you when you shoot him a questioning look. “For apologizing.” He finishes, kissing your cheek before pulling away as he clears his throat. After all, you were right. Even if he knew he liked you, he had no proof you felt the same way.
You find yourself smiling to yourself as Jiseok unplugs his guitar, forcing a neutral expression when he turns around to look at you.
“Right well…I should uh-leave. It’s really late.” You nod quickly, thinking that was the end of it, since the older was putting away the amp, when you hear his voice interrupt the silence.
“Stay.” He says simply, walking back to you. “It’s really late.” He repeats after you, and this time you can’t hold back a smile, whispering a small okay before offering to help him put away his guitar.
“Aren’t you scared your neighbors could call the police on you for making noise at 2AM?” You ask curiously as you wrap the guitar cable around your arm.
“They’ve done worse.” Jiseok answers indifferently. “Why? Would you call the police on me?” He squints, pointing a pick at you.
“I’d actually probably be the one to be really annoying and play. If I knew how to.” You clarify with a small giggle, Jiseok’s eyes instantly lighting up.
“Want me to teach you?” The guitarist asks excitedly, and god he looked kisseable.
“Now…?” You frown amused as the other nods fastly, grabbing his guitar in one hand and your wrist in the other, walking to his room. You whisper yell at him to be careful so Hyeongjun won't curse you out.
The other hits his foot just as you finish the sentence once he puts his guitar down, about to let out a scream. You widen your eyes covering his mouth to muffle the noise, body crashing onto him as he stumbles on the bed with you on top of him, both of you laughing softly.
“Are you alright?” You ask between snickers, the guitarist shaking his head and playing dead. “You’re so-” You start but yelp when he wraps his arms around you blowing a raspberry on your neck, making you squirm with a whine as you playfully smack his arm.
The blonde looks at you smiling, kissing you once before grabbing his guitar and putting it on your lap, taking a picture while giggling at your confused face. It doesn’t take long for the pick to fly out of your hand and you two spend a good five minutes looking around the bed for it.
“Here. Be careful, it’s like the last one I have.” He scoffs, handing it to you.
“Aren’t you supposed to have more than one…?” You frown confused.
“I do! Well. I used to! They just…keep fucking disappearing on me…I got a new pack just last week.” He winces, earning a small laugh from you.
He gets behind you, breath hot against your neck as he positions your fingers on the fretboard, explaining terminology you could not be bothered to care about right now. Not when you could smell his cologne, overly aware that all it would take to kiss him is turning your head around.
“Didn’t you say you have an exam tomorrow?” You ask, strumming slowly as Jiseok moves his fingers on the fretboard after you complained about it being too hard.
“I lied.” He replies casually. “Had a really good teacher.” He teases, talking in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. You know he didn’t mean much with it, but you couldn’t stop thinking about it so after quietly strumming for a while, you speak up.
“Jiseok?” You ask carefully, head turning to look at him, breath hitching when he locks his eyes with yours with a curious hum. “I know it might come off as ironic, but can I ask something of you?” You purse your lips, nervously.
“Yeah, sure, what is it?” The older frowns, arms wrapping around your waist from behind, and your stomach turns upside down.
“Can you please not lie to me even though you got better at it?” You plead softly, feeling your heartbeat in your head. You felt nervous he’d think you’re being dramatic or maybe tell you this is your fault, but instead he gives you a sincere nod.
“I won’t.” He reassures you, lightly squeezing you once. You give him a grateful smile, and strum some more, the older resting his chin on your shoulder as he goes on. “That applies to you too, you know? You’re a bigger threat because you’re freakishly good at lying.”
“I never lied to you.” You admit, glancing at his fingers grazing over the strings. “Have no reason to do so.”
At some point, your back ended up pressed on Jiseok’s chest as he leaned against the headboard, arms wrapped around you as he played a slow song on guitar. You smile softly, drifting to sleep, not noticing the way the other’s lips curl into a loving smile as he kisses your temple.
You get woken up by a knock on the door, Hyeongjun’s voice warning about how late it is. You frown as you stretch, slowly opening your eyes, only to realize you fell asleep against Jiseok’s chest, his guitar still on your lap as his mouth was parted, head resting on the headboard.
Your eyes light up as you let out a small snicker, taking a couple pictures, before poking his cheeks, eventually making him wake up with a confused expression, eyes widening when he sees you.
“Holy shit-” He coughs, trying to make sense of the situation before he notices the guitar and your pajamas, letting out an annoyed groan. “So that’s why my neck was hurting.” He complains, hugging your waist as he buries his head in your neck.
“Don’t you have classes today?” You ask with a whine, when he pulls you down to lay with him fully.
“I’m just gonna skip…” He mumbles, pecking your neck once, your body jerking in surprise.
“I have to go.” You reply, trying to pull away but not being able to as the blonde squeezes you closer to him. “Jiseok let go, I need to go home, I'm still in my pajamas!” You grunt as your arms push on his biceps.
“Can’t you skip?” He groans, snuggling more. “‘m in a comfortable position and if you move away i’ll have to figure out another position.” He complains, as if that was a good enough reason for you to miss class. “Why even do you have to go?”
“Because! I need to be studious. Be responsible.” You reply, knowing you still had around three hours until you had to go, since you only had a class that you could, in fact, skip. You were going to pull away but when Jiseok looked up at you with a sleepy expression, messy hair and wrinkled shirt, you started doubting yourself. “And even if I skip, I have to shower.” You try to convince yourself more than him.
“You can shower here.” He debates, and you tilt your head unimpressed.
“What about the clothes?” You squint, and the other shrugs, holding you closer, lips close to yours.
“You can take mine.” You blink, lips parting at the boldness, not really knowing what to think of it. Sure, you agreed to keep up the act at all times, but Jiseok was getting disturbingly good at acting as if he genuinely had feelings for you.
“I’m starting to think this was all part of your plan to mess with my routine.” You whisper, eyes traveling down to his lips.
“That’s why we’ll skip at the same time. A break from routine /and/ getting more sleep, I'm only seeing pros.” He whispers back, hand going on your lower waist to pull you close to him, your breath hitching.
“You might not be a good liar, but you’re a really good bullshitter.” You maintain your voice low, hand traveling from his bicep into his hair, lips almost brushing against his.
“That’s why we make a good team.” Jiseok’s lips form into a small smirk, leaning closer to your face before he pulls you in a slow kiss, as you hear Hyeongjun close the front door behind him.
You inhale shortly, one hand playing with his hair as the other was on his chest. You would be lying if you said that wasn’t hot, and Jiseok letting out a satisfied hum as he presses his chest on you when you kiss back really wasn’t helping.
Jiseok wraps his arm around you tighter to hug your lower back, kissing you softly but with intention, and for a moment you believed you were really kissing your lover. It hurt. Knowing you get to experience being his girlfriend but only as a trial, it made you want to cry.
Instead, you chose to hug his neck more and close your eyes tighter, wanting to be as much in the moment as you could and pretend as much as possible, because that’s the only thing you could do. The older is taken aback for a bit at the sudden affection but returns it in no time by putting you half on top of him, hugging your waist with both arms securely.
He doesn’t know why the kiss suddenly felt more…real, but he wasn’t going to let the opportunity of pretending he is kissing his actual girlfriend go to waste, so he grazes his tongue over your bottom lip and makes sure to pour out emotions he can’t say out loud in this one kiss.
You could feel tears build up in your eyes and hear your heart breaking because you started to wonder what it would be like to have this be a constant in your life. Waking up next to Jiseok, your boyfriend, cuddling, kissing as you try to pull away to start your day.
The older one seems to feel that something was off, because he kisses you gently a few more times before pulling away just enough to look over your face. “Are you okay?”
You open your eyes, only to be met by a blurry version of him, choosing to simply bury your head in his neck, hugging him tighter as you try to control your breathing. He sighs, pained at the sight of your hurt expression but hugs you back, hand caressing your back.
“Need to talk about it?” He asks softly, making you shake your head.
“No, it’s fine…I’m sorry.” You chuckle, quickly wiping your eyes before looking up at him with a small smile.
“If I knew missing class would cause you a breakdown I would’ve let you leave…” He purses his lips innocently, although you knew he was joking by the look in his eyes.
“You’re so…” You mutter, unable to stay serious as small giggles escape your lips, pushing the man away playfully.
The guitarist grins, kissing your cheek, before getting up. “Do you want some coffee?”
“What happened to sleeping more?” You frown, supporting yourself by your elbows.
“You scared my sleep away by collapsing because of a missed class, who knows what’s gonna happen if we stay in bed? What if you DIE?” He gestures dramatically, your mouth opening offendedly as you get up, running after him.
“WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE’RE DATING, KWAK JISEOK??” You laugh, following him in the kitchen as he tries to get away, putting his hands up when he’s met with a dead end.
“I’M NICE BY NOT LETTING YOU DIE!” He defends himself, breathing heavily with a smile. You flick his forehead, letting him whine as you grab two mugs, pouring the coffee in them. As he keeps talking about how unfair and terrible you are, you smile to yourself, looking at the way he reaches for the top cabinet for the sugar.
Dating Jiseok was like a dream. Technically, it was a dream, because it wasn’t real. You had to keep telling yourself that as he kissed your cheek once cutely with a loud noise as apology for making you skip class, before walking into the living room.
You ended up going home and showering at your own place, but it didn’t matter because you couldn't think of anything else for the rest of the day, and neither did he. He was a mess at practice, and things didn’t get better by Saturday.
Especially not when you two decided to meet up a few hours before meeting with his parents, going over a few details of your “relationship” a few more times, just in case. And when you changed into more elegant clothes and walked out of the bathroom towards your living room where Jiseok was waiting for you, you stopped in your tracks.
He looked unreal. His hair was slicked back, a few strands of blonde hair falling on his face and he was wearing a gray blazer over his white button up. “You look…” You start, but the other was not listening because his lips were parted, looking at you up and down stunned, breaths slower and heavier.
“Woah…” He breathes out, as you walk closer to the other. You look up at him shily, before fixing his tie carefully. Out of impulse, you tug on it, making him take a step closer to you, chest bumping into yours as his hand goes to your lower back.
“Remember. We’re dating. Keep the pda appropriate but try not to flinch away when I touch you, yeah?” You instruct seriously, the other gulping, because this was truly the hottest thing someone has ever done to him.
“Y-yeah-” He stutters, unable to form an actual sentence, and you take advantage of the closeness by pulling him in a slow kiss, the blonde groaning.
“Wait no-” He mumbles, pulling away embarrassed and putting distance between the two of you. You tilt your head confused until your eyes catch a glimpse of the issue, covering your mouth trying your best not to laugh at his flustered face, as he walks to the balcony after pouring himself a glass of water.
“Jiseok we have to go-” You remind him, after taking a few breaths to calm down, the other not even looking at you. You giggle, wrapping your arms around his arms from behind, hugging him while peeking at him. “You’re cute.” You grin, but the older simply scoffs embarrassed, looking away. You really needed to leave so you cup his cheeks and cutely peck him once, before grabbing his hand and leaving the apartment.
The ride there was…awkward. The air was filled with nerves and anxiety and you could see Jiseok get more and more worried as you got closer to the restaurant. You looked over his face, unsure whether comforting him by putting your hand on his knee would work or worsen the situation.
“Jiseok.” You whisper, the blonde looking at you, biting on the skin near his fingernail. “It’ll be alright.” You reassure him, although you know the words won’t change anything.
Meeting his parents was nerve wracking. For the both of you. Partially because you didn’t want to experience Jiseok having a breakdown because of getting caught but also because in your delusions they /had/ to like you because even if you can’t actually date their son, they will believe you are.
His father greeted you politely but then his mother pulled you in a tight hug, excitedly saying something about you being sent from heaven for finally getting her son to change his mind. You laugh slightly uncomfortable, begging Jiseok to help you with your eyes, who was too caught up in his own head to realize.
Once you sit at the table, his mother instantly starts small talk. Well, more like a police interrogation. By her demeanor, you could tell she’s not suspicious about the relationship being fake but rather extremely interested in how you convinced him to get into a relationship at all.
However, regardless of the reason, you could feel your so-called boyfriend tense next to you, the grip on his water glass getting slightly tighter. “And how did you two meet?” His mother asks, and you were about to go with the planned story but when Jiseok’s knee started moving up and down anxiously, you decided to change the plan.
“We met through Gunil.” You reply, putting your hand on the blonde’s knee, earning a surprised look from the other, as this wasn’t what you originally talked about. Originally, you were going to say that you two met at a concert and then kept bumping into each other, but seeing the way the older was close to sweating, you chose to say the truth. Kind of.
“Oh?? You know Gunil?” His mother asks, surprised, and you nod as you caress Jiseok’s knee gently from under the table.
“He’s one of my best friends. Jiseok needed help with girl problems and since he didn’t know how to solve it, Gunil recommended he talks to me and then we just…got along. Kept hanging out.” You smile politely, turning your head and looking into Jiseok’s eyes, who let out a small relieved breath, instantly calming down.
“And then I kept trying to find reasons to be around her.” The older whispers, and he looked strangely sincere as you smiled, choosing not to think about the pain in your chest.
You look back at his mom, who was very moved by the whole thing, especially as you mentioned how you had to grab his face and confess first because he wouldn’t. Which was also not really a lie, since the day you agreed to keep up the act full-time, you had to be the one to seal the deal.
“He’s not giving you a hard time, is he?” The woman asks, sipping on her wine as you shake your head with a playful sigh.
“It’s so hard…” You barely get to say that, before Jiseok complains about how you’re mean and they’ll think he sucks as a boyfriend. You grin, turning to him and mocking him, letting a small noise in surprise when the older pecks your lips once, making you blush and shut up, slightly ducking your head.
Dinner was going well, your hand never leaving Jiseok’s knee unless it was to sip on your drink. “Did he talk to you about the wedding?” His father asks and you nod shortly, glancing at the man next to you when you feel his hand go to yours, fingers interlocking with yours as he caresses your knuckles for some comfort.
“I already talked to my parents about the trip, so there won’t be any issues, but I wanted to ask when I was supposed to get the trip tickets?” You frown, genuinely curious as you realize you and Jiseok didn’t actually talk about the whens and hows of the wedding.
“Oh, don’t be silly! We’ll drive you there!” His mother smiles, making you blink quickly.
“Oh that’s fine you don’t have to-” You start, anxious at the thought of having to be stuck with his parents in a car for hours, making sure you don’t say anything that could blow your cover.
“I uh- actually already got the tickets.” Jiseok speaks up, and you widen your eyes at him. He is lying. “I thought it would be better if you guys didn’t have to worry about it, and I want to spend some time with her before the wedding since I’ll be busy with best man things when we get there.” He finishes, and you look over his face, not believing how well he’s handling this.
“Oh, that’s great too, speak to Jooyeon and make sure he sends you the details since we’ll already be there a few days earlier to help with preparations.” His father nods, and then you all keep eating as if nothing.
When his parents aren't looking, you look at your fake-boyfriend, who simply gives you a quick wink as he squeezes your hand once. Somehow, /you/ were the nervous one because what do you mean, you need to be stuck all alone on a trip with him, having him look all boyfriend and having no one else around so you could find an excuse to actually act the way you want to? You were so fucked.
When dinner was done, his parents offered to drive you two home but Jiseok insisted on walking, saying he wants to spend some more time with you since he missed you. Liar. He saw you a day ago, and it’s not like he actually wanted to be more around you, he just didn’t want them to ask more questions.
Except he did want to be around you some more, because at dinner he understood that he can really rely on you, from the way you tried to comfort him to the way you chose to kind of say the truth just to make sure he doesn’t feel too overwhelmed. He was gone. He was so gone.
“Your mom doesn’t seem as bad as you made her seem.” You smile softly, walking besides him as you hug your arms.
“She’s not a bad mom. Just a very…pushy future-grandma.” He smiles back, making you laugh.
“So you /do/ want to give her grandkids.” You tease, the taller throwing his head back.
“If I don’t she might die of heartbreak.” The older replies, taking off his jacket. “Plus, I never said I don’t want to get married. Or have kids. I just don't want it…/now/.” He corrects, putting his blazer over your shoulders. “She’s just scared that by the time I do want it, it’ll be too late for her.” He continues, and when he sees your pout, he adds with a smile. “She is also perfectly healthy and simply overreacting.”
“Why don’t you want to date?” You tilt your head, walking closer to him as you put your hands in the pockets of the blazer. “Are you too cool and smart for us mortals?” You joke.
Jiseok looks at you weirdly, poking your side. “I’m not that much of an ass!” He defends himself, shaking his head. “I just don’t know…I feel like it’s a lot of work. Seungmin’s in a relationship and I hear about the fights and the jealousy and all that and it just seems like a headache…and the relationships I've had before weren’t that good so…” He shrugs, looking at the street lights.
“Ah…you’re scared about the bad parts.” You hum, glancing at him. “Don’t you think that there will be more good than bad if you’re with the right person, though?”
Jiseok swallows, looking over your face, before turning his attention to the street again. “I’m not against it. If I were to find someone that wouldn’t make me feel like I’m difficult to love.” He says in a joking manner, but you could hear the hint of hurt and insecurity in his voice.
Jiseok was always easy-going and fun, and quite frankly the best person to have around because he knew how to make people feel good. He wasn’t scared of vulnerability, but he was careful with whom he shared it with, something you know from Gunil. You couldn’t help but feel pride, knowing he feels comfortable enough to open up even if it’s a little and disguised as a joke.
Maybe, although you can’t be his lover, you could stay in his life as a friend, because having him as a friend is way better than never talking to him again after this whole charade is over.
You didn’t know what to say, so you simply chuckle and keep walking, when Jiseok speaks up again. “Thanks for tonight.”
“That was the deal, wasn’t it?” You beam, looking up at him.
“I meant for telling the truth…sort of.” He clarifies, stopping in front of your apartment. You look over his face, feeling your heart beat faster when the guitarist nods his head towards the entrance. “You should go inside, you’re freezing.” He whispers, and you wish you had an excuse to ask him to stay over or kiss him goodnight, but you don’t so you simply smile softly.
“Goodnight, Jiseok.” You whisper back, your bodies too close to each other. And because Jiseok likes nothing more than to unknowingly make you suffer, he leans down and kisses your cheek once before leaving. You look at his figure getting further and purse your lips, wishing he did more than that.
Jiseok takes the long way home, trying to figure out how he’s supposed to just…stop being around you after the wedding. He’s already used to the daily texts, the banter and the kissing, and he really wishes there would be a way for this to just keep going. Maybe if he pretends his mother will move into the city so you two have no other choice than to keep this up for a long time.
He chuckles to himself, shaking his head as he gets into his shared house, and takes a long shower. Having feelings for you was easy. Knowing what to do with those feelings was a whole different conversation.
He was the one to be annoying about how much this will not develop into something serious and yet here he is, at three in the morning, looking at the pictures in his phone like the stupid boy he is. He tears up that night. For the first time, he understands that he brought this upon himself.
He is stupid and in love and you probably are thinking of this as a fun acting job while hanging out with a friend. Except, you aren't. You are sad and in love and wondering if he would run away and move cities if you brought up the idea of actually being together.
You two already did almost everything couples did, what is the difference between the fake and real thing? Is there even a difference at this point?
The charade kept going like this for two more weeks. You two hanging out, learning more about each other, texting, kissing, and you started to wonder if Jiseok too, wants to learn more about you because he is interested in you the way you are, not because of a deal you two have.
“Can we talk?” You ask Gunil one evening, on your way to one of their shows.
“Yeah, what’s up?” The older frowns, getting in the car. You purse your lips, debating whether or not you should come clean with things. You knew that you agreed to make everyone believe it’s real, but you really needed a friend, just one person, that you could be honest with and talk about what’s on your mind.
You didn’t want to go to Hyeongjun, because you knew him well enough to predict his answer: just confess, talk it out. He was simple like that, and most times it’s exactly what you needed but right now, you didn’t think you could handle his boldness although you knew he did it out of love and that it did, in fact, always work as a wake up call.
Gunil, however, was more fit for it this time around. Especially since he came up with the idea and after all, also knows Jiseok way better than Hyeongjun. The only thing making you not worry about the outcome, is the fact that he knew you’d rather deal with your own problems instead of having him go on a spy mission to figure out if Jiseok likes you back.
“I like Jiseok. A lot.” You breathe out, eyes closed. The drummer smiles to himself, stopping at a red light.
“I know.” The older replies, making you shake your head with a sigh.
“No I mean- we’re not actually dating we just decided to make everyone think we are so it’ll be easier for him to play along with it but we aren’t and we’re supposed to stop this once the wedding is done but I-” You ramble in one breath, Gunil glancing at you knowingly, before looking at the road again.
“I know.” He repeats, amused at your stressed out expression.
“What do you mean you KNOW??? Did he tell you about it already?? THAT LIAR!” You groan, the other letting out a laugh.
“No, I just know you two. You’re both idiots and you might be good liars, but you suck ass at hiding things from me.” He answers, looking behind him as he parks the car next to the building they were supposed to perform at. “I was the one to suggest this to him, so I figured that when you said you’re actually together it was to make it more believable. I’m not that dense, you know?” He smiles, taking the keys out of the car.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” You blink, unbuckling your seatbelt.
“You’re right about him handling it easier like this. And with you, your feelings are your feelings, that’s none of my business, you know?” He hums, turning to look at you. “But is it that bad that you like him for real?”
“Yeah, it is.” You sigh, looking up as you swallow down the lump in your throat. “He doesn’t want a relationship, I knew it when we started this whole thing. I was fine with it too, I never really paid attention to him like that, he was just…one of your bandmates.”
“How do you know he wouldn’t want to make it real?” The older man tilts his head, choosing to stay in the car with you until you finish the conversation.
“Because he’s said it…so many times too…” You look down with a small voice. “The only reason he’s so comfortable with me is because he knows he won’t have to worry about all the drama that a real relationship brings. He likes me because he knows I don’t like him.”
Gunil sighs, thinking for a few seconds before continuing the conversation. “Do you want advice or just to vent?”
“As long as the advice isn't to go talk to him, whatever you want.” You mumble, making the drummer let out a laugh.
“You kids are so difficult…no wonder you look so good together.” He smiles to himself, shaking his head once again. “Well…if you don’t talk to him, you have two choices. You either somehow get him to explicitly confess his true feelings for you once and for all, good or bad, or…you slowly try to detach yourself from him and the situation by the time the wedding is over.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be the mature one? None of those plans sound mature and responsible.” You squint, the other letting out a laugh.
“Well, my mature and responsible advice would be the same as Hyeongjun’s and since you don’t want that, that’s the best I can offer.” He answers unimpressed and you groan. Your phone rings with a notification from Jiseok saying he’s on his way, and you close to tear up.
Gunil opens his arms and pulls you into a tight hug as you pout, thanking him. Jiseok stops by the entrance, seeing the drummer's car but just as he was about to walk up to him, he notices the hug, jealousy piling up in his chest. “What’s with them?” Jungsu asks curiously from beside Jiseok, looking at the way Gunil ruffles your hair once before getting out of the car.
“The fuck do I care?” Jiseok mumbles annoyedly, walking inside the venue and setting everything up, avoiding everyone until it was time to perform. You were in the first few rows and you kept looking at Jiseok and his perfectly styled hair and red guitar, but the other was looking everywhere but your direction.
That’s how the concert went. You look at Jiseok, and Jiseok looks at everyone else. You didn’t know what happened, but you started to get worried that maybe he /knows/ and just doesn’t want anything to do with you. Things get worse when you notice a girl in the front row cheering for him, the guitarist giving her a quick wink.
Asshole, you’re supposed to be taken. You think to yourself, pretending that when at the end of the gig he gave her his pick when she asked for it, you weren’t about to throw up in jealousy.
When they step off the stage and go to the side, greeting and thanking people for coming, you notice the girl from before going to Jiseok first, excitedly talking to him. He brushes his hair back and laughs at something she said and if looks could kill, they would both be dead by now.
The other guys glance at each other and that’s when you see Gunil open his mouth as if having a realization, when Jiseok gives him a dirty look while talking to the girl. The drummer can’t help but chuckle because of course he’d be stupid enough to get jealous over a hug.
You were debating whether to let it slide or not but then you remembered. He was the one who needed to keep up the act at all times so if he wanted you to act like his girlfriend, you will do it even when it doesn’t benefit him.
You walk up to the guys, crossing your arms as you look at Jiseok. “Could I have your number?” The girl asks, and you clear your throat, making the both of them look at you, the other guys holding back a laugh.
“Oh- hi uh, sorry were you waiting in line for too long?” She asks apologetically, and you smile politely, shaking your head before glaring at the guitarist.
“No, don’t worry, I can wait for him. Just wanted to ask if he was gonna be taking long.”
“Oh, you guys know each other?” The girl smiles and Jiseok purses his lips, finally realizing what this is about.
“Yeah.” Is all Jiseok says, but you raise your eyebrows, arms crossed. That’s all? That’s all he had to say??? What type of fake-boyfriend is he??
“Yeah, I just wanted to let my boyfriend know I have to go.” You say bitterly, admittedly hurt at his behavior. You knew you weren’t actually dating but if everyone else thought you were, how was he flirting with random people a good look?
Jiseok parts his lips, about to speak but is interrupted by you speaking to the girl, still looking at him. “Don’t worry, It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known, it’s not like he told you.” Is all you say before leaving, trying to get out of the place before someone sees you crying.
It hurt. It hurt so much. Not only because it was stupid of him but because this was confirmation that he didn’t feel anything about you, because if he truly likes you, he wouldn’t let others flirt with him.
You tear up, sniffling as you walk to the bus station, hating how involved you got yourself in this mess.
Jiseok blinks once the words leave your mouth, exhaling before cursing to himself, apologizing before putting the guitar over his shoulder and rushing outside, trying to look for you. He’s stupid, so so stupid. He let himself get jealous over a fucking hug and then acted like an asshole just to prove a point.
He shouldn’t think much of it. After all, you might have made a scene just to keep up the whole girlfriend persona, but something about the tone of your voice made him uneasy. He walks to the nearest bus station hurriedly, and lets out a relieved breath when he spots you on the bench.
You quickly wipe your tears, looking at the cars passing by as you wait for the bus, when you feel someone sit besides you, smelling a familiar cologne. You turn your head around, only to be met with an out of breath and very guilty looking Jiseok. You gulp before looking in front of you again, the other sighing with his eyes closed, trying to find the right words.
He can’t seem to find them though, so he does the next best thing that goes through his head and cups your jaw, making you look at him before he kisses you softly. You don’t kiss back, because the last thing you need right now is to let even more of your emotions for him take control.
You pull away but keep your eyes on him, the older sighing. “I’m sorry.” You hum with a small nod, before looking back at the street.
“I know we’re not actually together, but you were the one to be so serious about making sure others believe us. I don’t think flirting with other people while your friends know you have a girlfriend is a good look on us. Or you.” You say coldly, not wanting to look at him because you know you’ll forgive him if you do.
“I-” He starts but then frowns. “I know, but it’s not a good look if you do it either.” He says childishly, copying your stance.
You blink a couple times, looking at him surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“You and Gunil. In the car. It looked really bad. Not like I care.” He scoffs, making you widen your eyes. He can’t be serious. “If you like him and he’s fine with us keeping up an act until the wedding it’s whatever, but the others-”
“You can’t possibly mean the hug. Please tell me you don’t mean the hug.” You gape dumbfounded, not believing the words that are coming out of the other’s mouth.
“It looked like a very intimate hug.” He mumbles, kicking a rock with his foot.
“So you thought the best way to go about it was to flirt with someone too?” You raise your voice in disbelief.
“So you /were/ flirting!” He widens his eyes, pointing at you. You widen your eyes too, covering your face with a groan.
“No I wasn’t! But you know who was?? You!!” You accuse, pointing your finger at him as well.
“How was I flirting??? We were just talking and suddenly she wanted my number!” He defends himself, putting his hands up. “You!! You were all over Gunil!! Feeling his muscles!! The guys saw it, they probably think i’m such a lame boyfriend you aren’t satisfied enough!! It ruined my rep!!” He whines.
“Your REP??” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Your rep is that of a stupid idiot, that’s your rep.” You grumble. “You were the one to give her your pick!”
“What does that have to do with anything?? How is that flirting??? I’m just being a cool artist and interacting with my fans!!” He debates, getting up.
“Well you could interact less! Took you long enough to say you have a girlfriend!!” You complain, getting up as well. “What?? You think we have to keep this up only when it’s convenient for you?? You were the one that wanted to pretend it’s real! That includes turning down people that flirt with you until the wedding is done!! And not give them your pick!!” You point out annoyedly.
Jiseok bites back a smile, hands on his hips. “Do we need to have the whole dramatic jealousy relationship fight too?? Can’t we skip it??” He whines, throwing his head back.
“Oh no, no no! Don’t put this on me, Kwak Jiseok! You know I’m right! It’s your fuck up, you fix it.” You nod and Jiseok’s heart hurts. It hurts with love because you’re so cute and your nose is pink and he never thought he would ever experience having a fight with someone while the only thing on his mind was how much he wants to kiss said person.
“What?!” You ask angrily when you see him break into a huge grin, but instead of answering, the man simply pulls you close to him by your belt loops before cupping your face and kissing you lovingly. You whine, hitting his chest, but instead of pulling away, the blonde pecks you hard multiple times, mumbling “sorry” every peck.
You pout annoyed at how good he is at damage control but kiss back, hands on his shoulders, yelping when he picks you up slightly to kiss you a bit more. “That’s not fixing it.” You mumble, knowing you already forgot why you were mad in the first place.
Jiseok mocks you cutely, before pulling away and reaching for something in his pocket. You watch him grab a pick you’ve seen him always carry around although he never uses it and then he takes out one of your earrings.
You’re about to complain when he takes his lighter and heats up the hook, but he shushes you concentrated as he makes a hole in his pick quickly, before blowing on the earring and putting it back in your ear. “Give me your necklace.” You blink at him confused but do as he says.
After a couple seconds, Jiseok walks closer to you and looks down at you as he clips back the necklace around your neck, which now has his pick as a charm. You let out a small breath, touching it as the older smiles.
“There, now you can’t complain about me being a bad fake boyfriend. You got my lucky pick. Arguably way more important than any other pick. Fake girlfriend privileges.” He nods, and you really might sob in front of him this time.
“Are you sure-” You start but the other wraps his arms around your waist.
“Yeah. You’re right. And I’m sorry for being stupid. Plus, this way you’re forced to come to all my shows even after the wedding so you can bring me good luck.” He says playfully. “And like this you can brag about how romantic and amazing of a boyfriend I am to everyone so you fix my reputation.”
You roll your eyes with a small laugh, slapping his arm jokingly. “Oh so this is just about your reputation, huh?”
“Pft, of course.” He grins, leaning down and pulling you into another kiss. This time, you kiss back and you silently pray that there’s more to his gesture than method acting, even though you know there isn’t. The bus arrives and you kiss him once more, before hurriedly catching it, smiling to yourself as you look at the pick through the window reflection.
You get home and think about the conversation you had with Gunil. He's right. You sit on the couch fidgeting with the pick, smiling to yourself. Maybe trying to make Jiseok fall in love with you won’t be that hard. After all, worst case scenario, he just never confesses and you’ll have to deal with the already expected heartbreak.
Jiseok walks into the building feeling giddy, unable to stop smiling when thinking about the interaction from before. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad if he just said fuck it and confessed.
He was considering asking Hyeongjun for his insight since he’s your good friend but as soon as he knocks on the door, having forgotten his keys inside before leaving, he’s met with the guitarist’s messy hair, wrinkled shirt and wide eyes.
The older raises his eyebrows, head tilting when he hears ruffling from inside the place, the other holding the door open just enough for only his head to peek through. When the blonde takes a step forward to get into the house, Hyeongjun holds the door, blocking him.
“You need to leave.” He says hurriedly.
“Lea-Hyeongjun I live here!” Jiseok whines, grabbing the door handle.
“No. Not tonight. I need you gone. Now.” The other replies in a whisper, glancing back into the house for a split second, before returning his attention to the other.
“Are you seriously sexiling me right now?!” Jiseok widens his eyes, baffled, pinching his nose. “Where am I supposed to go??”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend? Go spend some time together! Please, I’ll pay for your strings for the next three months.” He begs and the blonde squints, arms crossed.
“Six.” Hyeongjun gapes, but eventually agrees with a quick nod. “Can you at least give me my keys??” The guitarist scoffs, grabbing them before leaving annoyedly. Great. Now he has to come over to your place and you’ll think he’s weird and clingy.
You were daydreaming on the couch, still not having changed your clothes or eaten since you got back from the gig, when you heard an aggressive knock on the door. When you open the door, you’re met with a heavy breathing and visibly annoyed fake-boyfriend.
“Hi uh...can I crash over tonight?” Jiseok asks, scrunching his face. You blink at him in confusion, tilting your head. “Hyeongjun has someone over. He kicked me out. Told me to go spend some time with my girlfriend.” He complains, voice desperate.
You hold back a laugh but nod, moving out of the way so he could get inside the apartment, not realizing the stupid smile on your face. “What?” Jiseok asks in a whine, putting his backpack down as you cross your arms. “Aren’t you supposed to want to help me as my girlfriend?” He asks annoyed, and god he looks kissable.
“I didn’t say anything.” You whisper, before patting his chest once and walking away. “I’m gonna shower.”
“I saw the judging look in your eyes!! You should feel sorry for me, not laugh at me!!” He yells after you, as you giggle, waving a hand at him dismissively. Jiseok sits in the middle of your living room, hands on his hips as he mentally casts a hex on his flatmate.
You were planning on changing into some old sweats but since Jiseok was over, you decided to put in motion your new plan to make him fall in love with you. You wrap the towel around your body, and walk out of the bathroom, bumping into the other on the hallway, his eyes close to popping out of his head when he sees you.
“I-woah you-” He starts but covers his eyes with his hand. “I mean, I just- wanted to go use the bathroom I didn’t mean to-” He rambles as you chuckle.
“You can look, it’s not like I’m naked.” You roll your eyes, walking closer to him and whispering in his ear. “And even if I was, would that be a big deal since I’m your girlfriend?”
Jiseok’s brain just got fried. Forever. He tries to reply but no words come out as you walk into the bedroom to change. That’s when it hits him. He doesn’t have to worry about rejection if you actually like him, so why not just…make you fall in love with him? Yes, exactly. He’s so smart.
So, he goes and showers as well, and just so casually forgets to ask if you had any clothes you could lend him. He, so sadly, is left with no other choice than to wrap the towel lowly around his waist and go into your room while brushing his damp hair back.
You were now changed into your arguably best looking pajamas, a tightly fitted tank top and some short shorts, scrolling on your phone in bed. When you hear Jiseok’s voice you turn your head, and have to hold back a cough. Oh. Oh. He was evil. Vile. Disgusting. And so…so very hot.
Jiseok tries to hide the way he had to stop in his tracks and check you out, but it’s not like you noticed, considering you were too focused on not letting your eyes travel to his happy trail. You get up and grab a pair of sweatpants you had and an oversized shirt and give them to him, and you two sit on the couch as you wait for the pizza to get made, talking about the gig.
Somehow, you two ended up talking about how good he used to look with blue hair, when he showed you a photo of his first ever gig. “Why did you drop the color??” You gasp while looking at the phone with wide eyes.
“Ah, I just got tired of it, you know? I wanted to keep the blonde for a while, but I wouldn’t mind getting it done again.” He hums, without giving it much thought.
“I always wanted blue peekaboo hair! We should totally get matching hairstyles. Couples do that.” You nod as a joke, but Jiseok’s eyes widen, as if he got an idea. “No. No way- are you serious??” You laugh with wide eyes, covering your mouth.
The guitarist looks at his watch, getting up in a hurry and putting his hoodie on you. “C’mon, there’s a 24h convenience store nearby, isn’t it?” He smiles and you giggle, putting on shoes and grabbing your keys with a nod.
“Are you sure??” You ask as you two rush out of the building.
“The wedding’s in like a week anyways, what better time to get a makeover?” The older shrugs, walking into the store.
“Do you have any preference?” You ask, trying to find the hair products aisle, but get interrupted by Jiseok calling you over to look at something.
“Oh my god, I always wanted to try these.” He grins with an excited expression, showing you the snacks.
“Wasabi kitkats?” You raise your eyebrows. “I thought we were here for hair dye?” You smile at the older’s cute pleading look, rolling your eyes as you grab two and head towards the hair aisle, a happy Jiseok following you behind.
“Do you know any of the brands?” You frown, trying to find familiar names.
“Not really…considering how cheap they are, i’ll be pleased if they don’t burn my hair off.” He jokes, and you gasp, eyes almost popping out of your head.
“BURN!” You yell, grabbing two random blue colored bottles without looking at the tag, hurrying to the exit, and when Jiseok looks at you confused, you yelp. “THE PIZZA! WE LEFT THE OVEN ON!” You whine worriedly, the older becoming fanatic as well.
“NO, YOU MEAN /YOU/ LEFT THE OVEN ON!” He corrects, running with you. You yell something about him being annoying as he yells something about you not being responsible.
You rush into your house, breathing heavily as you head straight to the oven, turning it off after getting out the very much burned pizza. You cough, waving the smoke off as you look at the blonde tiredly. “Food’s done…” You mumble, the older getting closer to the pizza with a disgusted look.
“More like poison.” He grimaces after trying to take a bite. You huff, grabbing two cups of instant noodles and turning on the stove, when the older gently pushes you away. “Yeah no, I'll take it from here. You have a bad history with hot stuff…” He holds back a laugh, as you hit his arm annoyedly, taking out more ingredients to add to the plain soup.
Now that you think about it, the whole thing was painfully domestic. Cooking a meal with your boyfriend as you shared small smiles and talked about whatever, Jiseok kissing your cheek as an apology when he almost hit your head with one of the cabinets and you mocking him just to make him kiss you once again.
It was perfect. It was perfect and it hurt so much. Eventually, you two finally get to eat and decide to get straight to dyeing your hair, doing Jiseok’s first since it was more work. You squeeze the dye in the small container and mix it with the solution, throwing the bottles in the trash can, not thinking much of the odd looking color.
You spread it across Jiseok’s hair and wrap it in a towel, before putting the color in your hair as well, taking the liberty to give your fake-boyfriend a skincare routine in the meantime as payment for helping him.
“Ow! Be more gentle, will you? My face is the moneymaker.” He mutters as you start plucking on his eyebrows, sitting on his lap as his arms loop around your waist loosely, both of you having your hair put up in showercaps.
“You’re such a crybaby. At least it’s not your leg hair I'm plucking.” You scoff, grabbing his cheeks and getting closer, concentrating on not messing up his eyebrow shape.
Jiseok looks over your face with a soft expression, feeling his heart swell at your cute frown and suddenly, being in a relationship didn’t seem so bad. You look over his face when his eyes close for you to put hydrating cream on his face, and you pout to yourself. Kwak Jiseok, why can’t you just confess?
When you’re done and take the showercap out of Jiseok’s head, you widen your eyes, covering your mouth. Oh no.
“Everything okay?” He frowns, not knowing his hair is now hot pink, since you had the amazing idea of dying it in the living room, where he couldn’t see the outcome until you washed it off.
“Y-yeah, you look- you look great!” You laugh nervously, hurriedly covering his eyes when he tries to take a glance at himself through the tv behind him. “Let’s wash it off. Just– keep your eyes closed so dye doesn’t get in your eyes. At all times.” You instruct hurriedly, walking him to the bathroom and washing away the dye as you pray to all the gods out there that when he sees his new hair he at least kills you in a quick and painless manner.
You stay painfully quiet, mentally cursing yourself for not reading the tag on the bottle, close to crying because Jiseok mentioned how much he /hates/ pink hair on himself. You quickly wash yours before running out of the bathroom, before Jiseok could kill you.
You barely manage to get into your bedroom, when you suddenly hear a scream accompanied by your name, a very wide eyed Jiseok entering the bedroom with damp pink hair and no shirt on, pointing to his head and you could swear you can see smoke coming out of his ears in anger.
“WHAT IS THIS??” He yells with a whine, and you wince, trying to hide under the blanket. “NO! YOU CAN’T HIDE!! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??? I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON BLUE!” The guitarist screams, getting on top of you on the bed, pulling the blanket off you and looking down at you.
“Does it help knowing mine is pink too?” You smile pained, showing your pink peekaboo.
“NO!” He answers fanatically. “DID YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE??? WAS IT BECAUSE I ASKED FOR KIT KATS?? IF YOU WANTED ME TO PAY YOU I COULD’VE GIVEN YOU MONEY!”
“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!! THE BOTTLES WERE BLUE!! WHO MAKES BLUE BOTTLES FOR PINK HAIR DYE? BLAME THE HAIR COMPANY!” You complain, trying to get away but Jiseok grabs a pillow and hits you gently with it.
“WHAT TYPE OF PERSON SEES PINK COLORED PAINT AND THINKS TO THEMSELVES OH YEAH, THIS WILL DEFINITELY TURN OUT BLUE??” He scoffs, groaning when you grab the pillow hitting him instead.
“DON’T BLAME ME!! YOU WERE THE ONE TO DISTRACT ME!!” You defend yourself, the both of you now having a pillow fight, before Jiseok huffs and throws your pillow away as he puts his behind his head, sighing tiredly.
“I can’t believe I became what I hated most…” He reflects dramatically, and you purse your lips feeling guilty.
“I’m sorry, really…I didn’t mean to, my head was just- in another place.” You whisper looking down, because saying you’ve been too distracted by the idea of being his actual girlfriend wasn’t an option. “If you hate it that much we can dye it black or something tomorrow…” You mumble, the other staring at you, before he smiles with a chuckle, shaking his head.
“You’re so stupid.” He sighs, grinning, ruffling your hair. “Leave it, it’s whatever. At least we still match.” He couldn’t even be mad about you dyeing his hair in the one color he didn’t want because you looked too cute and because admittedly, having pink hair wasn’t that bad if it meant matching with you.
You look at him with a sad expression, but the older one gets closer to you on the bed, shoulder brushing with yours. “I think you look really good, if it counts for anything.” You admit in a small voice, the guitarist looking at you amused.
“You’re so cute when you feel bad about something.” He chimes and you scoff, pushing him away, failing to hold back a smile.
He stays next to you, groaning playfully when he catches a glimpse of himself through the tv screen. You glance over his exposed chest, down to his abs and let out a small breath, before reverting your attention back to the tv. He didn’t just look good with the new hair.
He looked disgustingly attractive, somehow even more than he already was, and you were starting to thank yourself for being in a hurry because this might be the best mistake you’ve ever made. Jiseok turns his head to look at the way your shorts expose your skin and the low cut of the tanktop, eyes not leaving your body when you look at him again.
Jiseok’s been attracted to you. For a long time. He doesn’t know if it’s the whole spending a whole day together glued to you pretending to be your boyfriend or the chemicals in his hair eating away his brain, but he finds himself making a move he would not be able to do if it wasn’t for the smell of hair dye stuck in his nostrils.
“You know…if we’re gonna be together at the wedding…” He starts, licking his lips as his eyes travel down your body again. “We should really get comfortable with each other.”
You feel your breath hitch, excitement building up in your chest. Your eyes fixate on his happy trail before they move up to his stomach, chest, lips and finally his eyes. “Yeah, we should make sure there’s nothing we haven’t done as a couple…” You breathe out, the older nodding once.
You two look at each other still in place for a second, before you lean into a kiss at the same time, hands going into Jiseok’s hair as he puts you on top of his lap with your legs each side. He starts kissing you harder, hands pressing on your waist as you pull him closer, grabbing his hair with a small moan.
“Are you sure?” The pink haired man pulls away for a split second, but you simply take your top off, making him look up at you.
“Yeah, we need to practice our chemistry and all.” You exhale, letting out a noise when the older grabs your legs, turning you two around to grind on you, kissing you messily. You let out a pleased groan, grinding on his knee.
You pull on his bottom lip, nails dragging over his chest, earning a grunt from the guitarist, whose hand was grabbing your ass, still a bit hesitant as his mouth moved on your neck. If you two were about to take this step, might as well take advantage of it and make sure it’s the best sex he’s ever had, so that even if he tries to forget you he won’t be able to.
You look up at him, licking his bottom lip before kissing his jaw, moving one of his hands under your shorts. “Jiseok?” You whisper, the other stopping briefly to let you go on. “I want it hard.”
“Fuck…” Is all he says in a shudder, before starting to move his fingers against your clit. You arch your back, pulling on his hair while biting your bottom lip.
If kissing him made you dizzy, this was just…too much to take. The guitarist moves two fingers inside you, thrusting them slowly as you moan out his name when you feel your hands be taken out of his hair and pinned on the mattress, chasing his lips.
Jiseok lets out a shaky breath at the sight before kissing you hungrily, hand leaving your wrists and going down your body again, massaging your chest as you exhale, tilting your head back when he speeds up his pace.
“Please-” You grunt, grabbing his hair and letting out yet another moan when you see him kiss down your chest, eventually licking your clit slowly while his fingers thrust inside you at a fast pace. Oh he was good.
You feel yourself close to cumming when Jiseok suddenly stops, looking up at you with a satisfied smirk as he takes his pants off. You’re about to complain but stop, parting your lips when you see him open the condom with his teeth, messy pink hair falling on his face. You feel him slowly enter inside you, earning a whimper from you as you kiss him passionately, hands grabbing his shoulders.
“Jerk.” You whisper with a grin, moaning when he thrusts once hard with a small laugh, before kissing you again, letting out small grunts when your hands go into his hair, his thumbs pressing on your waist.
You pull him closer, nails dragging against his back when he thrusts harder and faster, hands gripping on the pillow on each side of you for better support, leaving marks on your collar bones. You roll your eyes back with a gasp when one of his hands goes down to your clit and starts moving his fingers over it as his thrusts get slower and deeper, but still as hard. Holy shit.
Jiseok moans your name as you scratch his back, fastening his pace and he grabs your waist and lifts your lower back from the bed for a better angle, and you might pass out. You gasp, hands gripping on his shoulders, as he chuckles amused. “You sure you can handle it?” He whispers teasingly in your ear, and God, this side of him really is something else.
You breathe quickly, but grab his neck pulling him in a hard messy kiss, smiling to yourself when you feel him shudder, nails dragging from his neck to his chest. You pull on his hair as you arch your back, moving on him at the same pace as his thrusts.
“Shit…” Jiseok moans, head burying in your neck as he grabs your ass, nails digging into your skin as one moves up to your ribs then the side of your neck, grabbing your jaw before kissing you with tongue. Yeah, you were definitely going to do this again. You were so so very fucked and so so very gone for each other.
You cum when Jiseok pulls away from the kiss, holding your waist as he thrusts harder, head thrown back as he moans your name. He didn’t take long to finish either, and you could swear your vision was blurry.
You pull him in a slow, tired kiss, exchanging small giggles between the kisses, Jiseok whisper-asking if you’re alright. You simply nod with a satisfied hum, still kissing him. Eventually you pull away from each other to catch your breaths, laying next to each other as you process what just happened.
Jiseok was in heaven. He was certain of it. That was the best sex of his life and it made him think that even if you don’t have feelings for him, maybe he wouldn’t mind letting you use him for his body.
To say you were fucked out of your mind is an understatement. It was the first time when your first time with someone wasn’t weird or awkward or where you had to instruct them with every move. All you had to do was tell Jiseok what you wanted and he /did it/. You were starting to feel angry. What do you mean I’m supposed to just not have him in my life after this?
You two share a look, chuckling at the same time, before the guitarist looks at the ceiling, brushing his hair back as he catches his breath. You can’t help but smile to yourself when he gets up to help clean up and you notice the scratches on his back.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” You ask in a shy voice, looking at the older as he wipes you clean. He was about to ask when you mean, when he notices your eyes traveling to his shoulders.
“Why would I? They’re from my girlfriend.” He smiles reassuringly with a quick wink, changing back into his sweatpants and putting some more comfortable clothes on you than the ones before. You two stay glued to each other for the rest of the night, laying in comfortable silence while sharing small kisses until you fall asleep with your head on Jiseok’s chest.
Luckily, things didn’t really get awkward except the morning after when you two just stared at each other in disbelief from opposite sides of the room after jumping out of bed when you remembered last night’s events. Thankfully, you both kept repeating that it was for the charade and what not so, it quickly got brushed off.
Except you never stopped thinking about it. The way he was looking at you as if you were the only person he wanted to be with, the way he knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Everything about that night was stuck in a constant loop in your head.
And as if you didn’t already have it bad enough, it happened again. It took five days and a garage birthday party with Jiseok looking stupidly good for it to happen again. Two hours into the party, you see Jiseok take out a blunt, rolling it up as you raise your eyebrow from beside him.
“What?’s my birthday…” He huffs, putting the joint between his lips.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” You reply, looking as the other lights up the joint and puts it between his lips.
“Not usually. It’s for when my anxiety gets really bad.” He admits with a sad smile. “Unfortunately, it’s not because I’m cool.”
You blink a few times, getting closer to him on the couch, music still blasting through the speakers. “What’s wrong?” You try, but the older simply shakes his head with a dismissive chuckle.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Just a lot of stuff, probably the wedding too.” He says before taking a puff, looking at the ceiling. It wasn’t a lie. He was stressed because of the wedding, but he was even more stressed about everything going on between you two.
That night was a night he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. He realized that somehow, you made him feel loved without even trying and even if it was pretend, he didn’t want to let go of that feeling. He wanted you to keep making him feel loved and he wanted to keep making you feel loved.
He was starting to get angry every time the wedding was brought up, knowing that the time he had with you was getting shorter and shorter and that there was no way to change it, because even after all of this, you didn’t confess, and it would be an ass move to ask for a real relationship of you when he’s been the one to keep denying one for as long as he has.
You look over Jiseok’s face when he puts you on his lap bridal style, one of them caressing your inner thigh. “I’m fine.” You weren’t going to kiss him, really, but it was hard not to when one of his arms was wrapped securely around your waist while smoking.
You take the joint out of his lips but before he could protest you replace it with your lips, kissing the other slowly, your free hand cupping his jaw. Jiseok says something about how he wants his joint back but you simply kiss him slower and more passionately, tongue running over his bottom lip, the hand that was cupping his cheek now going into his hair. You take a sharp breath when he moves you on top of him with your legs on each side, hands on your thighs.
“The ash-” The older mumbles in the kiss, making you pull away slightly to tap it to the ashtray before taking a puff and kissing him again. At that, Jiseok lets out a shaky breath. “Holy shit-” Is all he says before he kisses you harder, hands bringing your body closer so your chest is now pressed onto his.
You wouldn’t usually do all this in public but to be fair the garage was pretty dark and everyone was already too drunk to care that the birthday boy is currently making out with his so-called girlfriend. Besides, you’d much rather take his mind off things by kissing him than watching him smoke.
You let out a small noise when you feel his hands rest on your ass while caressing it gently and pull on his bottom lip lightly, joint still between your fingers.
Jiseok massages your thighs before moving his hand on your sides and then back on your ass, humming pleased when he feels your breaths getting heavier. You pull away just enough to stop kissing and look at him while licking your lips. Trying to regulate your breathing turns out to be a failure when the man looks at you slightly amused, eyes fixated on you as he leans lower to put the joint between his lips and takes a puff from it.
You blink a few times, this time being you the one who lets a heavy breath, subconsciously getting closer on his lap. Jiseok smiles lazily before kissing you slowly, putting out the joint on the ashtray without pulling away. His hand goes under your shirt, caressing your ribs first and then massaging your chest. You whine in the kiss, hugging him closer.
Kissing Jiseok felt good, you already knew that, but this was so…woah. It might just be the dizziest you have ever gotten from just making out with someone and it might just be the most attractive and hottest thing you have ever experienced. The older’s back is now resting against the backrest and you really don’t know how you’re supposed to pretend you’re not feeling everything you could feel and more.
“Jiseok we should stop-” You whisper almost in a whine when he pulls you closer on his lap making you involuntarily grind once and let out a small groan.
The pink haired boy pulls away slightly to kiss your neck and then jaw, before whispering in your ear. “Why?”
“I- people-” You exhale, breath hitching when his hand slowly moves lower from your chest to your pants, slowly sliding it in.
“They’re not looking.” He whispers, kissing your jaw. “Are you sure you want to stop, baby?” Oh, he’s mean. First time to use an endearment term and it’s to get in your pants. Worst part? It worked.
You let out an annoyed grunt before getting off him and grabbing his hand, walking out of the garage in a hurry, not waiting to fully get into his room before you pull him closer by his flannel collar and kiss him hard, the other walking inside after locking the door and pushing you on the bed, getting on top of you.
He was about to take his flannel off before you stop him and instead pull him closer, grinding on his thigh as you grip onto his hair with one hand, your nails lightly tracing over his neck.
“I know I look really good in this outfit and you like the idea of me fucking you with the flannel on but I’m gonna get hyperthermia.” He pulls away for a bit and you giggle, helping him take off his clothes as he takes off yours.
“You’re no fun.” You tease, kissing him more, pulling him closer by his waist, making the other moan, body almost falling on you at the feeling.
“We can save it for next time, when the AC is on.” He mumbles playfully, and you pretend you don’t get giddy at the idea of this happening again.
After you catch your breaths and change into comfortable clothes, the party long forgotten, you look at him while caressing his hair. Your thumb then brushes against his cheek, kissing his temple once. Jiseok looks at you with doe eyes, and your heart breaks, wishing you could do something to make whatever is on his mind go away.
That’s when you notice a tear staining his cheek and you blink quickly, instantly hugging his neck and playing with his hair. When he wraps his arms around your waist, you can only close your eyes tightly and let out a shaky breath.
Jiseok lets himself cry for the first time in front of you, and you don’t know if you should feel grateful or worried. Instead of asking why, you pull away slightly to wipe his tears with your thumbs, kissing his forehead. “You know I’m here for you, right?” You ask softly.
The guitarist looks over your face for a split second before gulping, thinking to himself: Yeah, but for how long? He wondered if he could stretch this out for just a bit more, but instead of wasting his time on that, he decided to focus on the present, when your nose was brushing against his.
Jiseok kisses you. He kisses you more lovingly and needingly than you’ve ever been kissed. You wondered if it was some sick plan to put salt on the wound because he already knew you loved him. He too, wondered if you squishing his face as you kissed back equally, if not more lovingly, was some sick plan to put salt on the wound because you already knew he loved you.
He texted Seungmin letting him know they could just keep up the party until Hyeongjun got tired of everyone and kicked them out because he was going to stay inside the house since he wasn’t feeling well.
Which again, wasn’t a lie. The last thing Jiseok wanted right now was a party. The only thing he wanted, even needed, was to be with you. You two changed into comfortable clothes, the older calling you cute every five minutes just because you were wearing his sweatpants and one of his big hoodies.
“I didn’t get to give you my present.” You smile, reaching into your backpack from where you were sitting on the bed talking as he played guitar. You grin, holding a small bag in front of him, the man smiling softly.
“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He chuckles, but you could see the glint in his eyes.
“Of course I did! What type of girlfriend do you think I am?” You ask cutely, purposefully leaving out the fake part, just to watch Jiseok’s reaction, but when he seems unbothered by it, you figure it was because he was too excited about the present to realize.
Jiseok however, was overly aware of it, but figured it was a simple slip up. A slip up that made his heartbeat go over a hundred, and although he didn’t want to give himself false hope, he still couldn’t hold back a smile.
“Ah please don’t get your hopes up…it’s really not…” You wince, but he shushes you, breaking into a huge smile as he looks at the pick holder keychain. “It’s not that good because I made it myself, but I know you always lose them and you have them scattered all over the place so I asked Hyeongjun to help me figure out the best shape for it and-” You explain nervously, getting interrupted by the older pulling you in a happy kiss, hands cupping your cheeks.
You kiss back, blush spreading across your face, looking into his eyes after he pulls away enough to rest his forehead on yours and peck you multiple times. “It’s really the best birthday present ever, thank you.”
“Now you’re just being dramatic…” You roll your eyes still smiling, the older enjoying your annoyed expression as he mocks you, happily putting his picks in his new keychain.
You look at him lovingly, whining when he bites your cheek and squishes your face as a thanks, before laying his head on your lap with his guitar on his stomach, playing some blues song you definitely don’t know the name of.
Jiseok spends his birthday like that. Doing the two things he loves most: playing guitar and spending time with you. That’s how he spends the days leading up to the wedding as well. You knew he was overly clingy and you figured it was because he must feel guilty for having to reject you when this whole thing is over.
Preparing for the trip, you couldn’t stop thinking that maybe you should just say fuck it and confess and deal with whatver outcome, but it was really hard to convince yourself that Jiseok rejecting you would be bearable when he made sure to pack everything with you and buy you snacks for the ride and let you sleep on his shoulder while on the bus.
Midway through the trip, you both take the bathroom break at a gas station and spend the next 30 minutes arguing over who exactly is at fault for almost missing the bus. “Who even shits in a gas station?!” You whisper yell, snuggling closer to him in your seat.
“I’m lactose intolerant! It’s your fault for not getting me the right type of coffee!” He gasps, thumbs caressing your shoulder, and against his complaints he is smiling.
“You’re grown! Should’ve ordered your own coffee!” You argue with a scoff, burying your head in his neck.
“It’s a favor you should do me as my girlfriend. And you’re grown enough to remember an order!” He defends himself, and you mock him, kissing him once annoyed, the other kissing you once as well, scoffing too.
You two smile to yourselves, and continue watching the movie on the screen, too caught up in the playful banter and the kisses to worry about the deal being off in a few hours. When you get to the resort, you greet his parents and his bandmates since Jooyeon, Jiseok’s cousin, was the bass player.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married before any of us.” Seungmin tsks, shaking his head as Jooyeon pokes his tongue out at the man, walking you to your rooms.
You and Jiseok walk into your shared room, dropping down on the bed exhausted. The man’s back barely gets to touch the mattress before a knock on the door makes him jump out of it with a groan, only to be met with his mother, telling him he needs to come with her.
You glance at him with a sad expression, tiredness clear on his face and get up, kissing his cheek when he comes near the bed. “I think I’m gonna kill myself before the wedding.” He complains.
“You’ll be fine, let me know If I can help, yeah?” You say softly, caressing his cheeks as the guitarist loops his arms around your waist tiredly with a nod.
“We’re gonna have rehearsals today, so don’t get too comfortable in bed.” Your fake-boyfriend hums, pecking you once before leaving with a wave.
You smile sadly. Tomorrow is going to be the last night you can use the excuse of method acting and Jiseok still hasn’t confessed. Your mind was all over the place, trying to figure out if confessing would really be that bad, because a part of your delusional brain is convinced he likes you but won’t confess.
That day, you and Jiseok didn’t really get to be together. He was too busy to let himself be nervous about keeping up with the whole charade, especially since you two had to be in different places at different times. You weren’t one of the brides’ maids because you didn’t know her that well, so you spend your day helping in other ways like making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be and whatnot.
“I didn’t expect you to get so involved in the wedding.” Seungmin speaks from behind you as you are carrying some flowers to the tables.
“Jiseok’s mom asked me to help. Plus, you guys already have enough work to do.” You reply casually, unable to shake the nervous feeling.
Seungmin takes some flowers to the table as well, humming. “I meant because you two aren’t dating.” The older clarifies, and you blink, turning to him as a shaky breath escapes your lips.
“What are you talking about?” You laugh anxiously, turning to look at him.
“You guys might fool his mom, but I think you forget we see each other every single day.” The keyboardist answers coldly. “Look, I don’t know why you did this, but I do know I don’t want to see him have a breakdown because of you.”
“I-” You frown, getting closer to him. “This was his idea, but I told him we should keep up the act with everyone because it made him really anxious to lie to you guys. So we’re together. Kinda. Not really but-”
“And what do you plan on doing after tomorrow? Drop him?” The taller asks, crossing his arms, and you tilt your head hurt.
“I don’t want to hurt Jiseok, Seungmin.” You gulp, looking into his eyes. “I like him.”
“I know that.” The older admits, making you blink quickly, taken aback. “You’re not that good at hiding it. The only thing I’m asking of you is to not mess with his head. I think we both know him well enough by now to know he’s well in over his head with this.”
You lick your lips letting out a sigh. “He doesn’t like me like that. He’ll be fine.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself of that?” The taller wonders, pursing his lips. “Look, I like you, but Jiseok doesn’t deserve to go through this type of thing again. He doesn’t fall often but when he does, he falls hard.” You were about to ask what he meant by that, but the man was already walking away.
“Seungmin, wait.” You call out, grabbing his arm gently, getting in front of him. “Please don’t-”
“I won’t tell on you two, I’m not an ass, and I know it would make Jiseok hyperventilate if he knew others know.” Seungmin reassures you, earning a small relieved sigh from you before he leaves.
Great. You were fucked. Now his best friend hates you.
Jiseok comes into the room after a while, groaning and dropping his head on your shoulder in exhaustion as you caress his hair. “Everything okay?”
“Lee Jooyeon, you will pay for this!!” He whines, making you let out a small laugh, trying to push down the unsettling feelings you have from the conversation with Seungmin.
The rest of the day was pretty calm for you, except the reception rehearsal where Jiseok’s mom wouldn’t stop dropping indirects about how beautiful this is and how special two people uniting in marriage is and whatnot, and Jiseok was getting more and more nervous as hours passed.
“Sorry my aunt is making you work so much, I think she’s trying to pretend this is Your wedding instead of mine.” Jooyeon smiles, giving you a glass of water as you two were waiting for the rehearsal to start.
“You think?” You chuckle tiredly, sipping on your drink. “It’s alright, It’s not her I’m worried about.” You finish, looking towards where Jiseok was sitting, close to dozing off.
“Why didn’t you guys come a day earlier? You could’ve gotten some rest before this-” Jooyeon asks, throwing an almond at the guitarist to make him wake up.
You smile at the exchange, turning your head to the groom. “It was his call. If I knew he’d be so tired I would’ve forced him to come earlier.”
The younger man hums, tilting his head with a smile when Jiseok sends you a flying kiss, silently pleading you to save him. “You two are cute together. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him like this.”
“Like what?” You ask after sending Jiseok a flying kiss back, giggling at the way he grabs his heart excitedly.
Jooyeon brushes his hair back, thinking. “Relaxed? I think that’s the word. He’s always been fun and all, but he’s normally like a big ball of anxiety when he’s not putting on a show.” The boy smiles. “But I can tell he has less worries now, and I don’t know what you did to him but I hope you keep it up.”
“Jooyeon can I ask you something?” You frown, unsure if it was a good time to search for answers but you couldn’t stop thinking about it. The man nods and you sigh. “What happened in Jiseok’s last relationship?”
“He never told you?” The bassist tilts his head and you shake your head.
“Vaguely, some details here and there but not the whole thing. I just talked to Seungmin and it got me wondering, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me-” You widen your eyes, not wanting to overstep.
“Nah it’s okay, Jiseok would’ve told you if you asked directly, it’s not a secret.” The groom explains, sipping on his glass. “His last relationship ended really abruptly. It was just…out of nowhere. Everything was going fine, and one morning he wakes up with a text from the other saying how things aren’t working and that they’re done because he hasn’t been a good boyfriend or whatever. The text also said: Moved cities, delete my number.”
You blink, letting out a shaky breath. “What the fuck??That’s /it/?? No explanation whatsoever??” You cover your mouth, feeling anger pile up in your chest.
Jooyeon shakes his head, sighing. “He was devastated. We tried to talk to him, let him know it’s not his fault and that his ex was shitty for that, but you know how heartbreak is.”
“Did he ever find out what actually happened?” You ask in a small voice, close to tears. If there’s one person that didn’t deserve that, it’s Kwak Jiseok.
“Yeah, the cheater got a boyfriend in another city for a while then, so the breakup wasn’t all that abrupt. But it didn’t matter, you know? The damage was done.” Jooyeon purses his lips but then takes a breath, letting out a small laugh. “Ah, but that’s in the past. I’m glad he has you.” He chimes, before getting up for the ceremony rehearsal.
Your heart broke. You figured his last relationship must’ve been bad since he was so avoidant to get into a real relationship, no matter how many times he repeated that he didn’t give it much thought. You glance over at him as the bride and groom go over their vows, and wonder if he truly did fall for you the way Seungmin suggested or if it was just all in your head.
On the actual wedding night, everything went smoothly but you were suddenly overly aware of just how much of Jiseok’s family was present, so you made sure to not leave his side at any moment. You hug his arm while sitting at the table as he talks to his family, caressing his hand with your thumb reassuringly.
However, for some reason, talking lovingly about you came very easy to Jiseok. That’s one thing you came to find out. You were still nervous about everything, especially when Jiseok pulled you in front of him while playing guitar, letting you strum as he moved his fingers on the fretboard, kissing your cheek happily.
He wasn’t drunk but he was definitely tipsy after the first two hours. You thought the night would be pretty calm, talking and dancing a bit with everyone, but right after the meal, the lights go off and Jiseok grabs your hand in the dark, rushing with you out of the room with a laugh.
When you get outside, you see that there’s limousines waiting for you, Seungmin hurrying everyone inside. “GO GO GO THE PARTY’S NOT GONNA WAIT FOR YOU! JUNSGU MOVE YOUR ASS BEFORE I SMASH THIS CHAMPAIGN BOTTLE ON YOUR HEAD!”
You giggle hurriedly getting into the limousine with Jiseok and his bandmates, along with Seungmin’s girlfriend and Hyeongjun’s apparently new boyfriend. “What is going on??”
“What do you mean??? Did you really think we were going to sit around listening to aunt Lee cry about Jooyeon’s baby pics?? We’re going to the real party!” Jiseok grins, pecking you once cutely.
Apparently, the bride and groom agreed to have a short reception and then spend most of the night at the after party with their closest friends. A genius idea if someone asks you, because not only you could try to actually have some fun now, but you also knew it would be less nerve wracking for both you and Jiseok.
The guys already started singing since getting into the limousine, and somehow Seungmin was now giving Jooyeon a lap dance as Low was playing, champagne spilling on the floor as Jungsu and Hyeongjun were flashing their phone lights and Jiseok was hyping it up. You and Gunil made sure to film everything from different angles while the other two were singing.
When the limousine stops, everyone gets out and the guys waste no time in carrying Jooyeon around while the bride’s friends do the same, as you laugh while recording. Suddenly you gasp when Jiseok turns around and picks up bridal style as well, making you slap his chest with a laugh.
“What are you doing?? I’m not the one getting married!” You giggle, holding onto him before he puts you down after getting inside the rented place. He simply mocks you before pecking you. Jissok walks to the table snickering when he sees Hyeongjun pouring shots while telling Jooyeon to watch and learn before licking some salt off his hand, taking his shot and putting a slice of lime between his lips, eating it.
You shake your head, smiling at your best friend. He truly was the life of the party. Jooyeon challenges Jiseok to a shot competition to see who can drink six shots the fastest but before they get to it, one of the bride’s friends shouts “LOVER’S WAR!!”, and the others push you and the bride next to the guys. You two share an amused look, as Hyeongjun pours your shots.
Jooyeon and his wife give each other a short kiss and you smile at them, suddenly feeling sad. However, it’s not like you have a lot of time to think about it because Gunil’s voice says “start” and you all start drinking. You and Jiseok were losing. Badly so. Mostly, it was because during the third shot, the liquid went down the wrong pipe and you started coughing, unable to keep up with the pace.
Jiseok sees it and quickly grabs your shit glasses, making you widen your eyes as he chugs them down, flipping Jooyeon off as the others cheer on you for winning. Jooyeon asks for a redo with only him and Jiseok and of course he agrees. You are now drinking a glass of water, widening your eyes when your “boyfriend” wins once again. Damn.
Jooyeon laughs at Jiseok’s absolutely gone face, cheeks already rosy with liquid pouring down his chin as he celebrates, pulling you into a kiss. You let out a small noise but smile, cupping his face as the older walks you further away from the guys, hands on your waist without pulling away from the kiss.
“That was kinda hot, but you’re insane.” You grin, looking over his face when he pulls away slightly, the others dancing.
“I’m gonna focus on the hot part.” The pink haired man mumbles, kissing you hungrier. Somehow, your back ended up pressed against one of the columns with your chest pressed on Jiseok’s.
You let out a small noise, hands going into his hair as his thumbs press on your waist, quickly pulling away when one of his favorite songs comes on, dragging you to the dance floor. You regulate your breathing and then laugh, going dancing with him.
Your mouth falls open with wide eyes as Jiseok and Gunil start a routine to Hollaback Girl. You start laughing as the two get down, silently thanking Hyeongjun for filming everything regardless of his very concerned expression. That’s when Seungmin drags Jungsu to the dance floor and joins them. Everyone cheers for them as Jiseok pushes you on the chair and starts dancing on you, making you throw your head back with a laugh.
“MORE ATTITUDE! I TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THAT!” Seungmin yells to the younger, whose hips are currently swaying from side to side. It doesn’t take long for you to get pulled up and the bride to be put on the chair instead, everyone making space for Jooyeon to do his routine when Crazy in Love starts playing.
One thing you learned about Jiseok today was that he was, in fact, even more entertaining with alcohol in his system. You’ve been to parties with Gunil before, but all the guys together, was just a whole different thing. It was a mess in the best way possible.
After a while, you found yourself dancing with Jiseok, who wouldn’t stop complaining about how hot it was so you helped him take off his black blazer and loosen up his tie while opening the first two buttons, the older one looking at you amazed. “Oh you’re so smart, I love you so much!” He sighs, cupping your face and kissing you once cutely.
Your hands freeze on his tie, gulping as the other keeps dancing, and that’s when it sank into you that he’s just drunk and still playing a part. Your stomach dropped. Jiseok seems to see your mood change, because he takes his tie off and puts it on you, pulling you closer with a smile. “What’s wrongggg??? HAVE FUNNN!!! I CAN’T DATE BORING PEOPLEEE!!” He yells over the music, getting interrupted by one of the bride’s friends pouring some alcohol for him before he chugs it down.
You shake your head, deciding that he's right. If this is the last night you can be around Jiseok this way, then you might as well take advantage of it. So you dance with him, turning around with a grin as he raps whatever stupid song is playing.
His hand rests on your stomach, lips finding their way to your jaw and ear lobe. You turn around and sing with him, giggling at the slurred lyrics escaping his lips as he pecks you all over again. “You stink of alcohol!”
“And you don’t stink enought!” He pokes his tongue out, as you raise your eyebrow at him.
“Is that a challenge?” You ask and when the pink haired man nods, you grab his hand and go to the bar, opening a bottle of vodka, tilting your head. “How much?”
“A quarter. At least.” Jiseok tilts his head up with a smirk, not actually believing you’ll do it. And because you like to prove him wrong, you do just that, the guitarist covering his mouth in shock as the others cheer you on. You wipe your mouth, swallowing down the alcohol that was about to come out and your so-called boyfriend stares at you amazed. “Do you wanna marry me?”
You give him a chuckle, before he comes closer to you, holding your hands and pulling you to the dance floor again. He wraps your arms around his neck, hands going on your waist as he mumbles the lyrics, the VERY romantic lyrics to you. You look into his eyes and suddenly feel yourself getting emotional, pout forming as tears stain your cheeks.
Kwak Jiseok how dare you sing about love to me when you don’t feel it?
Except Jiseok felt it. He meant every word, because he’s sure of his feelings for you no matter what state he’s in. And because he was stupid enough to reject you before you even tried to ask him out by complaining about relationships, he has to settle for singing stupid love songs to you while drunk to have an excuse.
When he sees your tears he smiles, thinking you’re probably drunk and emotional. His heart, once again aches with love. Jiseok leans down and rests his forehead on yours while dancing, hugging your waist as you sniffle. And because there’s only one way he knows how to make you feel better, he pulls you in a soft kiss.
A kiss that felt like the last for the both of you, for some reason. Maybe it was you being too emotional and stupid because of the alcohol or maybe it was because you both knew tomorrow you won’t be able to do this anymore.
You kiss back, cupping his face and pecking him multiple times, burying your head in his neck as you hug him tightly, the taller caressing your lower back gently while kissing your head. The guys complain about you two being too mushy and you and Jiseok share a look as you giggle, pecking each other a couple more times before walking to the others.
After a while, you all decide to take a break by playing a card game Jungsu bought a few days ago for the party, making everyone take an oath that no one will get pissy or sad and that it will all be light hearted.
Two rounds in, the bride and the groom switched outfits, Jooyeon looking very much ethereal and very much like he wanted to kill himself as his wife was imitating him while wearing his suit for one round before they changed back.
You take your card and groan when you see the writing. “Touch tongues with the player on your left or take two shots.” You share a look with Gunil, Jiseok’s eyes burning with jealousy. You could do the challenge, you know that. Partially, because you want to already start forgetting him and partially because you’re not even actually together.
The others ask Jiseok if it’s okay and he shrugs saying it's whatever because it’s a stupid game, but you could tell by his voice that he was bothered by it. So, you let Jungsu hand you the two shots and chug them down as the others complain about you two being boring. It was worth it though, because Jiseok lets out a relieved breath, his already rosy cheeks becoming even rosier when you give him a quick wink with a small smile.
Everyone was holding onto their stomachs laughing as Hyeongjun and Jiseok got into a freestyle rap competition, the older doing an encore by perfectly rapping the Nicki verse he claimed to be his party trick.
You blink at your card and read it out loud. “Share your most hidden thoughts about the person in front of you.” You look at Jiseok, he was too busy drinking some more alcohol.
You consider saying something stupid or funny but, instead, you decide to be truthful to the challenge. “He’s really easy to love.” At that, Jiseok stops from dancing in his seat, the others sharing a look with each other.
Everyone knew what that meant and why you said that, and you see Seungmin give you an approving smile, arms crossed. Jiseok starts crying. You widen your eyes and rush to him when he opens his arms, the others making fun of him for being a crybaby. Seeing the guitarist be emotional with the fun song blasting through the speakers, shirt wrinkled and hair a mess was amusing to say the least.
You yelp when he pulls you on his lap, hugging you from behind as his chin rests on your shoulder after kissing it once. A few more rounds go like that and although you were pretty drunk too, Jiseok was absolutely /hammered/.
So, when his card says “Get on your knees, open your mouth and have someone pour you a drink from a 10 inch distance”, you get up to and let out a shaky breath when you see the older looking up at you on his knees, eyes hazy, cheeks rosy and lips parted.
You walk to Seungmin and whisper in his ear to pour water instead of alcohol and although he calls you boring he does as you say, because he knows his friend needs a break. You walk back to Jiseok, whose eyes had a glint in them.
You really had to stop yourself from grabbing his hair and making out with him, so you settle for a quick peck before grabbing his jaw to make him look at you as he opens his mouth looking up at you with a lazy smile. You pour the water, and when he gets a taste of it, he starts complaining but you simply smile back, kissing his cheek.
Jiseok blinks a couple times after you tell him softly that he needs a break, before tears start to pour down his cheeks. “What type of person are you??” He cries, hands gripping onto your legs. You widen your eyes, looking around nervously.
“What are you talking about-” You exhale, laughing anxiously.
“What do you mean what I mean?” He slurs with a whine. “Do you think it’s funny? To-to be so perfect and take care of me and kiss me and and- and you don’t even love me!” He cries harder, head resting on your thigh.
“Jiseok, there’s people-” You whisper yell, trying to stop him but it was too late because everyone was staring at the little scene in front of them.
“So what?? Huh?? Let them know!! I love you so much! I really love you!” He sobs, looking up at you desperately. Your breaths get shorter and quicker.
“I love you too.” You say, and although you wish it was just to do damage control, it’s because it was true. You loved Jiseok. So much it hurt.
“I don’t mean as a stupid plan! ‘m not acting! I wanna be with you so fucking bad, since week one and I keep trying to get over it and not care and I CAN’T!” He says desperately, sobbing as he lets tears fall down his cheeks. You start tearing up too, sniffling.
“I love you too.” You cry, hand going to his cheek.
“No you don’t! Not in the way I-” The pink haired man starts but you cup his face and kiss him lovingly while sobbing.
“Yes I do, stupid!” You whine, sniffling when he puts you on his lap bridal style, hugging you as he kisses back, crying even harder.
You pull away after a while, making fun of each other for your crying faces. You wipe your noses before you hug Jiseok’s neck as he hugs your waist, and now you are all tiredly talking to each other in a circle as your…fake?boyfriend keeps leaving small kisses on your shoulder and temple and head and hand and really anywhere and everywhere.
You play with his hands while listening to the others, the guitarist wrapping his arms around you tighter. You felt happy and for a split second, you forgot he only did all this because he was drunk.
However, happiness didn’t last long because although you two walked inside your room giggling and kissing each other, taking a quick shower before cuddling to sleep, the next morning was worse than you could’ve expected.
You wake up with a frown, stretching as you snuggle closer to Jiseok, when suddenly you get this unsettling feeling. The older one wakes up with a groan, holding onto his head. He looks down, widening his eyes.
“Shit…hi-” He grunts, pinching his nose, as you look at him with caution. He blinks down at you, tilting his head. “Why’re you looking weird at me- do I have drool on my face again?” He cringes, wiping his face, and you close to tear up.
“You don’t remember?” You ask in a small voice, feeling your heart breaking.
“Reme-Fuck…did I do something weird last night?” He whines, hands running his face as you get up from the bed, feeling your heart beat faster.
“You don’t remember what you said?” You repeat, voice cracking. Jiseok widens his eyes, thinking about all the possible weird or dumb things he must’ve done amongst them, wondering if he confessed. Oh no. What if he confessed and you think he’s weird? What if he did something really stupid??
“I–no, listen, whatever I said, don’t mind it! Scratch it, please, forget about it. I was so drunk and stupid I don’t know what I did but I promise I’ll make it up I-” He starts in a panic, and your heart sinks.
“So you were just drunk?” You ask once more, the older nodding quickly as you feel your vision get blurry with tears. “Yeah, well maybe next time, don’t drink like a fucking pig, if you know you can’t handle your alcohol. So you don’t say stupid shit again.” You say, tears staining your cheeks as you take the pick necklace off and throw it at him. You put on shoes and grab a hoodie you don’t notice is his before walking out of the room.
Jiseok looks at the closed door in confusion, holding onto the necklace after he picks it up from the floor, wondering just how badly he fucked up last night and whether killing himself is still an option.
Of fucking course it was because he was drunk. You were stupid for even lying to yourself. Drunk words are sober thoughts my ass. You decide to leave the resort and take a walk around the city to clear your head, when you get a call from Gunil.
“Hey, we’re about to go grab food in the city, Hyeongjun’s boyfriend said he knows a really good spot, you coming?” His voice chimes from the phone.
“You can go without me.” You say, trying to keep your voice stable as you wipe your cheeks with the hoodie’s sleeves.
“What happened?” Gunil asks worriedly, and you can only sob.
“He said he was just drunk.” You sniffle, gripping on the phone. “And I was stupid enough to believe he-” You hear Jiseok’s voice asking if he’s talking to you and you simply hang up, hugging yourself as you walk.
Gunil gives Jiseok a death stare, shaking his head before walking out with the others. Jiseok is confused. Was what he said really that bad?? He kept thinking about it: while he walked to the place, while sitting down and eating, he was /out/ of it.
Thankfully, only the ones at the after party went, so he didn’t have to worry about his mother or anyone else being on his ass. Well, that’s what he thought, at least. That was until Hyeongjun looked at him judgingly from beside him, eating his ramen.
“What.” Jiseok says annoyed, turning to your friend.
“You’re an asshole.” Is all Hyeongjun says, before turning his attention back to his food, leaving a very confused and bothered Jiseok.
“Alright, you know what? I’m fucking tired. Look- I’m sorry for whatever I did or said when I was drunk yesterday. I figured we were all in the same boat, but obviously I fucked up somehow.” He says after wiping his mouth.
“You seriously don’t remember?” Hyeongjun frowns his eyebrows at his flatmate, and the older simply whines desperately.
“No, I don’t and I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me because the last thing I remember was-” He started, eyes widening as the memories of last night came rushing into his head. He confessed. Of course he did.
Hyeongjun takes a picture of his terrified expression, as a faint memory of you reciprocating his feelings comes back to him, his head quickly turning to your friend. “Did she–” He starts and the other guitarist nods with a serious expression, before Seungmin slaps the back of Jiseok’s head.
“Go.” Is all the older says after Gunil lets them know you’re back at the resort.
You pout while sniffling, having kind of calmed down after the walk. You pack your clothes slowly, lips pursed as you wonder what made you deserve this type of heartbreak. That’s when you hear the door burst open in a very Jiseok manner.
The pink haired man looks at you with wide eyes and messy hair, breathing heavily as tears fall down his cheeks. “You love me.” He breathes out. You blink at him a couple times and open your mouth to deny the accusations, but you figure it’s useless and this point and simply go back to pursing your lips, attention adverting to your clothes.
He knows you weren’t that drunk, because you didn’t drink anywhere near as much as him so it was stupid to even try to deny it. You expected a very angry talk about how you knew what you were getting into. Instead, Jiseok repeats the words as he hurriedly walks close to you, grabbing the shirt you were currently folding and throwing it on the bed, cupping your face.
You look into his eyes, lips trembling as you start tearing up. Is this some type of torture punishment?? You think to yourself, before Jiseok chuckles, breaking into a huge grin as he pulls you in a loving kiss.
Your breath hitches, taken aback, and you kiss for a few seconds before pulling away confused. “Are you messing with me?” You sniffle, wiping your nose quickly.
“Am I messing with-” He breathes out, laughing. “Do I look like I am?” He asks in a whine, pointing to his crying face.
You look down with a pout, hands fidgeting with his shirt. “You said you were just drunk.”
“Yeah, because I thought you got weirded out and thought I was some creep or something!” He complains, hands caressing your cheeks.
“Well, it’s not my fault you never confessed…” You smack your lips.
“Wha-ME??? You were the one who said Uhhh I’m such a good actor uhh!” He mocks you, smiling when you smack his arm.
“Yeah- well-well-YOU were the one to be all like uuhhh I don’t want a relationship uhhhh!” You mock him, crossing your arms after poking your tongue out. Jiseok’s lips form a downsided smile, looking over your face. “What.” You bite, glaring at him.
“I love you so much.” He breathes out, caressing your cheek and kissing you lovingly, and you, being the stupid you, smile and kiss back. You swear your heart is going to beat out of your chest when the taller one brings you closer by the waist, before pulling away with a raised eyebrow. “Your turn.”
“My turn to what?” You tilt your head innocently, looking at him with doe eyes.
“I said I love you!” He whines, head tilting back for a bit as you shrug.
“So??” You tilt your head up to him. “What If I don’t wanna say it?”
“I kill myself. Publicly.” He deadpans, and you can’t help but let out a laugh, before cupping his jaw and kissing him again, pecking him multiple times.
“I love you too.” You whisper in his ear, and Jiseok is close to losing it. That might just be the best thing he’s ever heard in his life, actually. The older one picks you up excitedly, kissing all over your face, before dragging you on the bed with him. He gets on top of you with his legs on each side and he kisses all over your face and you giggle, complaining about how he left the door open.
He rushes to close it and then sits in the same position as before, hugging your neck like a koala, head buried in it. You laugh but hug back, kissing his cheek a couple times. “I was going through hell…” He mumbles and you want to die because Kwak Jiseok is the cutest person on earth and you love him and he loves you.
After you two calm down, you ask the older one if he's okay, only to get silence as a reply. You frown, but when you look down at him you let out a laugh while shaking your head. “I can’t believe you fell asleep.” You whisper, hugging his waist and snuggling closer as you close your eyes as well.
You wake up after two hours now on top of Jiseok, who was hugging you while caressing your hair, looking over your face. You frown, opening your eyes, only to be greeted with the guitarist attacking you with kisses, barely allowing you to breathe. You groan, pushing him away with a yawn, only to be pulled closer to him.
“Hi girlfriend.” He chimes, kissing your cheek, making you blink quickly with a raised eyebrow.
“Woah woah woah, since when? Did I miss something?” You wipe your eyes, disoriented.
“You’ve always been my girlfriend.” Jiseok shrugs, and you point your finger at him.
“Wrong. I was your ‘girlfriend’, not your /girlfriend/.” You specify, using air quotes as the guitarist scoffs, rolling his eyes.
“You’re so- You said that day it was official!” He tries, but when you give him an unimpressed stare, he moves to a sitting position on the bed with you, grabbing the necklace from his pocket. “Do you want to be my actual real non-acting girlfriend, please?” He asks, offering you the necklace.
“Mm…something is missing.” You hum, and the other might just die. Like, actually. He looks at you with a tired questioning look, but smiles when you tap your lips. Jiseok pecks you once cutely, making a kissing sound as you giggle. “Okay, yes.” You nod, letting the other clip the necklace on your neck again.
It takes two seconds for the pink haired man to pull you close to him again, laying on the bed while kissing you multiple times. You smile, burying your head in his neck and hugging him closer. Turns out, you weren’t insane after all.
Jiseok’s heart feels like it’s about to burst and things only get worse and you look up at him with sparkly eyes, saying something he is too out of it to hear. You giggle again, kissing him a few times, calling him stupid, to which JIseok simply mocks you playfully, kissing your cheek.
“We still have to pack, we need to catch an early bus.” You groan, about to get up, yelping when your now /actual/ boyfriend pulls you back into bed.
“No we don’t.” He smiles proudly, and you quirk your eyebrows up. “Cancelled the bus tickets, we’re staying three more days.”
You widen your eyes, pushing him lightly. “What are you talking about?? Here?? Why?? I don’t even have enough clothes-” You whine, but the other simply shrugs, pulling you closer.
“Because, I want to spend a romantic weekend with my girlfriend.” He explains in a low voice, making you blush. “I changed the hotel though, I don’t wanna be around another wedding. And I’ll buy you some clothes if I have to.”
You blink a few times, lips parted. He’s so annoyingly perfect. “Was this your plan all along?” You squint.
“No, my plan was to cry myself to death if you didn’t like me back but since you do…” He hums, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I’m tired of wondering what if and pretending I don’t want to be your real boyfriend and trying to find excuses to kiss you and now I can finally do all that…plus, we deserve a break from the wedding stress and all.”
You pout, cupping his face and pulling him into a loving kiss, the older complaining about how clingy and annoying you are with a smile, arms wrapping tighter around your lower waist.
“Ah- I have something to confess…” You wince, index tracing his cheek as the guitarist hums. “I told Gunil…that day in the car…because I really needed to tell someone and I-” You explain nervously, but get cut off by a peck on your lips.
“I know.” He smiles understandingly. “It’s fine…I was planning on telling Hyeongjun the night he sexiled me.” Jiseok scoffs, earning a laugh from you.
“What?? Don’t laugh at me!! I NEEDED SUPPORT! If he didn’t sexile me I wouldn’t have pink hair right now!! It’s not funny!!” He laughs as he raises his voice, pushing you away when you break into a loud laugh, covering your mouth.
“It’s kinda funny…” You mumble, the other widening his eyes.
“Oh we’re back at it again?? What happened to being nice to your boyfriend?? ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I’M YOUR REAL BOYFRIEND!!” He protests, getting on top of you and tickling you while blowing raspberries on your neck as you try to get away.
“NOT THAT PLEASE!!” You laugh, trying to get away when he gets close to your eye, poking his side hard so he winces and gets off you. You get on top and tickle him instead with a laugh. “You’re still easy to beat.” You poke your tongue out, the other mocking you as he also puts his tongue out.
You mock him back but yelp when he stops your arm from hitting his, yanking you closer to him so you fall on his chest as he kisses you slowly. You kiss back, mumbling something about him being mean as he smiles in the kiss, pulling you closer to him as he lets out a small “mhm”.
“I love you a lot.” You admit, thumb caressing his cheek, eyes opening to look at him.
Your boyfriend smiles fondly, eyes sparkling as he brushes his nose with yours. “I love you more.” He whispers, mocking you when you complain about how that’s not true, pulling you in yet another kiss.
Jiseok was a better liar now, but he was still a terrible and horrible liar when it came to his feelings, especially his feelings for you.
word count: 17k
tags: ot6 (not y/n), band!xh, found family, mostly jiseok centered(? but it's really about everyone, junhan and jooyeon second centered, jiseok x jooyeon on tthe side but it's not the main plot, mostly angst, hurt and comfort, jooseok smokers, lost dreams, insecurities, they say some mean things to each other, they are all going through it and fighting with each other, someone please give jiseok a hug, hyeongjun is the glue of the group, jooyeon desperately wants to keep this band together, gunil gets bullied (lovingly), seungmin and jungsu are constantly at each other's throats, jiseok hates himself i'm so sorry dude is really not having a good time, everyone is suffering, but they really love each other so very deeply, happy ending
plot: Things have been going downhill for months...for everyone. Between break-ups, constant fights, stressed outbursts and self worth issues they really don't seem to be able to get out of the slump but for some reason they still hold on. That's until Jiseok fucks up. More than once.
A story about communication, friendship, loneliness, love, fighting for what you love and hope. A story about being lost and found.
It's a chilly fall night. Another dreadful day passed and neither of them feel any better than they did a week ago. What used to be a loud and cheerful house was now filled with silence and awkward tension.
They are still stuck together. They had no other choice, nowhere else to go, but now? Now Gunil choses to spend more time with his college buddies than share a space with Jungsu, Jooyeon locked himself in the garage they use as a practice room and Jiseok is…absent.
Usually, he was the first to ask them to hang out, excitedly running up to them to blabber about this new show he just started watching. However, nowadays, they barely saw him unless they had to practice. No one seemed to know what he was doing most times, not even Jooyeon.
It was odd. It was saddening. Jooyeon and Jiseok who were once attached to the hip, getting told off by Seungmin for making too much noise too late at night, barely were seen in the same room together and when they were, the conversation never moved past a polite ‘Have you eaten today?’.
It’s hard to pinpoint what was the exact moment where it all started to fall apart. If you were to ask, each one of them would have a different answer because unfortunately, they all blamed each other.
FIVE MONTHS AGO: SEUNGMIN
Seungmin purses his lips with a small nod, watching the familiar figure walk away as he quickly wipes the tears off his cheeks, pathetically tapping them a few times in an attempt to erase any signs of crying.
It sucked. Everything sucked. Every single thing that could be going wrong lately has been going wrong: constant fights, they never managed to get anything better than a few bar gigs and if that wasn’t enough he now lost one of the most important people in his life. ‘You care more about them than you ever cared about me.’ are the last words he heard before being left stranded alone in the middle of the cold and lonely night.
Jungsu isn’t sure how, but something inside him told him to go out on his terrasse. When he did, his hands gripped on the cold balustrade. “Hyeongjun?” The older one calls out to the guitarist and when he arrives with a confused expression and looks down, his eyebrows knit at the scene in front of them.
That night started it all for Seungmin. He started resenting the guys and in retrospect, they had no fault, but still…weren’t they the reason he’s currently trying to hold back tears at every single band practice?
“Can you stop always being so stuck-up and think you know everything just because of your stupid perfect pitch?” Seungmin smacks his synth angrily, only for Jungsu to scoff with a tilt of his head, pointing to him.
“You know what? Maybe if you put in more work and learned some fucking theory we wouldn’t have to go through the same thing all over again!” The older bites, causing the drummer to speak up.
“Can you two stop being so childish?? We have to get this over with!” Gunil hits his drums once to get their attention, the two men turning their heads towards him. “I’m so tired, I just wanna go home!”
“Oh my GOD! Do you ALWAYS have to be all up in everyone’s business? NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!” Jungsu widens his eyes at him after clasping his hands in disbelief.
“Guys please, just–calm down!” Hyeongjun tries, raising his voice just enough to cut through the moment of silence but still keeping some softness in it, not wanting to make the situation worse.
At that, Jiseok laughs wholeheartedly. A full, loud, manic laugh. “Yeah guys, listen to the guy that has been spending the entire day sleeping instead of practicing his solo! How many times did you fuck up in the past thirty minnutes, huh? Was it five? Ten times?” The silver haired boy turns his body to stare at the other guitarist accusatory.
When Jooyeon notices Hyeongjun’s lips part perplexed with a small shaky breath leaving him, he calls out Jiseok. “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” The bassist lightly pushes his best friend’s shoulder angrily. “You want to talk shit? Let’s talk about how you were almost one hour late, yeah?”
Jiseok blinks at him, as if betrayed. “‘course you’d defend him.” His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek with a twitch of his lip, nodding once before angrily starting to strum at his guitar. Jooyeon gives him a glance, chewing on his bottom lip irritated before following up, and soon enough they are back to practicing.
PRESENT DAY
Things were like this now: fight, say things you regret, go back to practicing and repeat the cycle every single day. It was a living hell and for some godforsaken reason, none of them knew how to let go of it.
Today, however, has been quiet for most part. Not because they got better, but because they figured out the perfect formula: not see each other unless it was for practice and the more they were out of the house, the better.
No one ever thought that things would ever end up like this. They weren’t supposed to end up like this! The one reason this whole thing even started was because each one of them needed a reason to move forward, a way to let all of that pain and worry out and at the beginning, it really was beautiful.
They used to think it was the type of bond found once in a lifetime, the kind that people read about and songs are written for. It worked out, even with small bickering because Gunil had to tell Jiseok to pick up his empty chips bag from the couch or the numerous times when Seungmin and Jooyeon would race to the bathroom to shower first.
It was a small place, the six of them crumbled together because they only had each other to rely on, but it was perfect. Even the playful fights in the mornings when Jungsu tried to brush his teeth while Gunil tried to shave, the long conversations between Seungmin and Hyeongjun on the balcony or Jooyeon and Jiseok staying in while everyone else went for a run because they much rathered play their video games.
It wasn’t the cookie-cut life any of them imagined, but it was more than they could ever ask for. There was never a dull day, and even the small disagreements were quickly resolved, either by the two involved getting a smack over their heads and getting told to get a grip, or by Hyeongjun simply frowning.
Jooyeon, especially, was the one that made sure to make things work even when they shouldn’t have. It became a habit: something seemed to start slipping through the cracks? He’d run with hot glue to quickly repair it before anyone could even start to notice.
The members saw it as kindness, but deep down, Jooyeon knew it was nothing short of selfishness: he wanted — no, he needed this to work. His entire life, he prayed for a connection like this, for a friendship like this, having people around him that were just as passionate about music as he was and that were more than willing to try to make themselves heard.
It was desperation. If this fell apart, Jooyeon’s dreams, his entire life would fall apart. That is exactly why, when Seungmin broke Jungsu’s keyboard stand when he wasn’t home, he made sure to quickly look up a tutorial on how to fix it before the older one got home. That’s also why when Jiseok almost left the house after a heated argument with Gunil he made sure to take his best friend out for a meal and calm him down.
It worked most times. Well, it used to. Back when things were easy. Back when he didn’t blame Jiseok for the mess that’s been fogging his head.
NINE MONTHS AGO: JOOYEON
“Ayy come onn, you cheated!” The younger man groans at the rock paper scissors lost game, throwing his head back in frustration as Jiseok makes a victory dance before helping his friend take the bass strap off his shoulder and placing it on the other one.
“And you’re a sore loser, c’mon, smile for the camera!” Jiseok chimes happily as the whine escapes Jooyeon’s lips at the odd feeling of having to hold his bass in a mirrored position. “This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t argue with me over the chord progression. So really, it’s your fault.”
The bassist squints at him, sighing before sloppily trying to play the song the two of them have been practicing for hours. They all got along, but for some reason ever since the first day Jiseok’s eyes fell on Jooyeon he thought to himself ‘Ah, this is going to be my best friend.’ Ever since the younger found out about it, there’s been an ongoing joke that he’s a blessing fallen from the sky for Jiseok.
However, although he would never admit it out loud, Jooyeon would argue that it’s the other way around. Whenever he felt like maybe music wasn’t for him, that maybe he didn’t have something as important as others to deliver, Jiseok was always the first person to snap him out of it, whether it be by letting him quietly cry on his shoulder or by cracking a lame joke like ‘Have you seen the Billboard Top100 lately? Please.’ and rolling his eyes before laughing.
It’s hard to explain, the sudden feeling that bloomed in his chest with no warning, or how it even happened. All Jooyeon knows is that while he was gloriously failing to play and Jiseok shoved the camera in his face with a teasing smile, something clicked. When his eyes met the other’s as his face was only inches away and he had that boyish grin, a terrifying thought spiraled into his head ‘What would happen If I leaned in?’.
“Haha your look at the end, fuck!!” Jiseok cracks up, holding onto his stomach as the other mimics his amusement because really, what else can he do?
PRESENT DAY
Jooyeon became a master at pushing every single thought like that away, locking himself away in the practice room and turning his music loud enough to make his ears bleed just to ignore what he knows is a suicide mission for the group.
Most of them learned to avoid their issues, and that’s exactly why lately, when fights happened it wasn’t just small arguments that got settled in an hour maximum. Now, the tension lasted for hours, sometimes days. Things never really got talked about all the way through. They were all scared that if a long, mature conversation were to happen, the outcome would be the one thing that they are all so desperately trying to avoid. A word that they don’t even mention out of the sheer fear of somehow making it a reality.
Getting ready for practice, it was only Jungsu and Hyeongjun at the house. Seungmin having left two hours before to take a stroll around the city, Gunil already at the practice room, probably letting his hands bleed out from how long he’s been playing for just to make sure no one can blame him if practice goes sideways followed close behind by Jooyeon.
The two are arguably the ones that least enjoy the fights. Hyeongjun is always the one to silently observe, ignoring the headache caused by all the screaming and waiting for the opportune moment to deflate the situation.
“Tsk–can you move? Jesus Christ, hoarding the kitchen like you live alone.” The older scoffs as he tries to move past Hyeongjun to grab his water bottle, and the younger does what he does best: moves away quietly, makes himself small, and shuts up for the sake of it.
Jungsu too, is mostly a level-headed man, and he takes pride in working harder than anyone else into bettering himself. The one downside is that when he gets overwhelmed and stressed, he takes it out on the people closest to him. Not by proximity, but by how much he loves them.
It’s stupid, he knows it. He knows he should check himself and not let himself get so much into his head and let all of those insecurities about how no matter how much he improves is not enough pour onto the few people that care about him, but he can’t help it.
FOUR MONTHS AGO: JUNGSU & GUNIL
He’s sick. His voice is terrible, he’s got a runny nose and he can barely press two keys without coughing. “Are you alright?” Gunil frowns, walking through the door after his shift and making his way to the middle of the living room.
Jungsu was standing behind his keyboard with a frustrated look and rosy cheeks, sweat dropping down his neck as the fever was taking over. “I’m fine.” He argues, restarting the song from the beginning.
It was one of the few days when everyone was busy or hanging out with someone and the pianist figured it was the perfect moment to practice, even though they all slept for a total of maybe four hours yesterday from the constant practice sessions.
The contest is right around the corner and unless some outworldly force postpones it or heals Jungsu, they’re astronomically fucked. He knows. They all know, but they’re too scared to say it out loud, so everyone just gives each other quiet glances when he’d mess up a note or have a voice crack and shoot a supporting smile.
“Hey, you should rest…Did you take an Ibuprofen? I can make you some tea, you should wear breathable clothes, you shouldn’t force your voice-” Gunil tries, placing the back of his hand over the younger’s forehead, only to have it harshly swatted away with an annoyed stare.
“If I rest, who's gonna do the singing, huh? You?” Jungsu growls, trying to play again, leaving the other to blink at him taken aback. Gunil had a bad habit of always trying to fix things that weren’t his to fix: Seungmin’s heartbreak, Jiseok’s outbursts and now Jungsu’s sickness.
He always tried to take care of everyone, feeling a sense of responsibility for being the oldest and making sure to always be there for everyone, even when he felt like no one was there for him and now it was no different.
He’s been feeling down for some time, everyone around him seems to constantly have an issue or have a hard time and for the first time in a long time, Gunil felt helpless. He didn’t know how to make it better, make it easier, let them know it will all be alright because quite frankly, he wasn’t sure it will be.
Gunil doesn’t start a fight. He simply stares at his friend with a pained expression, before picking his backpack up again, throwing it over his shoulder and leaving the house, because the last thing he wants is to let Jungsu see him cry. So there was the pianist, staring into the distance, a small voice in the back of his head screaming at him to call after his friend, go after him, apologize for being an ass just because he’s frustrated and yet, he doesn’t.
Jungsu stays frozen in place, eyes drifting to the hand that swatted the older’s away, before clearing his throat and starting the song again.
PRESENT DAY
Jiseok lets his steps drag just a little slower against the concrete as he makes his way towards the practice room. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t even be going. He’s so tired of pretending like everything is alright, like they’re just some joyful kids trying to reach their dreams.
He’s tired of pretending that he’s useful. He’s trying, hell, he’s been trying. That’s all he ever did: try to be better, try harder, try to be worthy. Back in middle school, he thought he had it all figured it out when he started playing guitar. Life started making sense, it seemed brighter and the constant teasing voice inside his head that kept repeating that there’s nothing in this world he’s good at finally shut up.
Finding the guys, Jiseok thinks, was one of the best things that could have ever happened to him. Finally finding a purpose, people that cared about him and loved him for simply existing without him having to desperately put on a show just to be given an ounce of attention, made him understand that life isn’t as cruel as he thought it was.
That was until the contest. No one wants to say it out loud, or admit it, but Jiseok has always been too smart for his own good and he knows that deep deep down, they blame him. All of them, even Jooyeon. It’s not like they were perfect, their set had a lot of room for improvement, Jungsu was clearly sick and the sound mixing was all wrong but they still had a shot.
Until, Jiseok fucked up. Big time. Somehow, God knows how, his pick fell out of his hand and in pure shock he was left staring down at his guitar like some sore loser before strumming away with his fingers as if nothing was wrong. It wasn’t enough, though, the judges saw. The guys saw it too: the mortified expression, the frozen hands, the way his Adam's apple moved when he gulped.
In his opinion, that was really what started this mess. Four months ago, when he made a rookie mistake during what could’ve been a once in a lifetime opportunity. Hyeongjun tried to comfort the group saying they can use this as a learning experience, but he saw the anger disguised as indifference in Seungmin’s eyes and the way Gunil turned his head when Jiseok glanced at him.
They all messed up, but Jiseok was the cherry on top, the final reason the judges needed. He knew it deep down, that he’s the reason they still didn’t make it. Some might call it dramatic, believing a small mistake, a failed contest was enough of a reason for a person to feel as guilty as he did, but it’s not.
It’s not just that. It was never just that. Ever since he was a kid, Jiseok made sure to follow rules, spend extra time studying, diligently practice so why, why has he spent the majority of his life wondering when he will finally see results?
A feeling that never disappeared completely, but was stored somewhere in the back of his mind, was now the only recurring thought he had. He can try to brush it off with a laugh, roll his eyes with a smile when Hyeongjun argues with him about how badly he set up the tone of his guitar or flick his wrist dismissively whenever Jooyeon would ask him what’s wrong, but that doesn’t seem to make it hurt less.
He misses the person he once was. The young kid with a big smile and a bright future ahead, who found comfort the moment his fingers caressed the frets of the guitar he begged his friend to let him borrow. Back then, even if it was hard, even if he didn’t know how to improve or if he was even capable of it, it was worth it.
Every single time he’d pick up the guitar, he’d feel like all his worries washed away and that no matter how much of a shitty day he would have, at the end of the day, there was still something to look forward to. He used to spend his days waiting impatiently to get home and find peace in the one thing that he never felt like he had to prove himself in.
Guitar, for Jiseok, used to be the one thing he didn’t have to pressure himself. The one moment in his day where he could let loose and enjoy himself, regardless of how good he was at it. You’d think that getting better at it, being in a band, getting closer to his once too far-fetched dream would only motivate him but instead? It made his chest tight. It made his hands shake in anger every time he’d get the same chord progression wrong and it would make him remember…You’ll never be as good as you want. You will forever be stuck.
He’s lost. With himself, with the guys, with music…with Jooyeon. For the past few months, they’ve all been butting heads with each other without a break and the one person he used to always side with during stupid fights was now the one he always seemed to find himself yelling at.
Whenever they try to give a reasonable explanation, they’d say it’s because they realized that they don’t have as much in common as they thought they did. However, if he allowed himself to let the truth wander around his mind for a second, he would admit that it’s because he’s scared.
Ever since that first day, Jooyeon’s been the one person that understood him more than anyone ever has. No matter the situation, all he needed was a silent signal and he’d already not only know what’s wrong but also how to help him.
Now, though? What could Jooyeon do? What could any of them do? No one gets it. They’re all so obsessed with keeping this up and acting as if there’s still some saving for this shit situation but he knows there’s not. It’s too late.
How could Jooyeon help when he’s the most driven person out of that group and sees music as his life? What could Jiseok possibly have in common with a person like that when every single day since that stupid contest he flinches every time he glances at his guitar and his stomach turns every time his fingers graze over the fretboard?
It was unfair to hold resentment against his best friend over something the other didn’t even know was a problem, but Jiseok couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stand how happy music seemed to make Jooyeon, how carefree he looked when he sang, how excited he was to learn a new song even though he had a hard time or it was above his skill set.
Jiseok hates Jooyeon. A hatred that sparked during a quiet night at the apartment while everyone was asleep and they were fighting over the blanket.
SEVEN MONTHS AGO: JISEOK
He had no intention of letting Jooyeon see him like this, or anyone, really. However, before he could stop himself, a crack in his voice resonated through the silent room. “Joo? Are you awake?”
That’s all Jooyeon needed. He was fast asleep. He’s been, for an hour or so and yet, somehow, his eyes pop open, instantly getting up from his bed and sitting on the edge of Jiseok’s bed. “Hey- what’s wrong?” The bassist whispers worriedly, hand firmly gripping onto his friend’s shoulder.
When Jiseok turns his head towards him, eyes puffy and nose colored a pink shade as his tear filled eyes glistened under the moonlight, Jooyeon has to bite the inside of his cheek in order to stop himself from crying as well. Instead, his eyebrows knit slightly, scooting over next to Jiseok on the bed and wrapping his arms around the older’s shoulders instinctively, not minding the ‘Gross snot’ the guitarist kept complaining about.
Jooyeon smiles slightly, eyes closing as well. “You’re really hard to deal with, even when you’re sad.” The younger whispers with a chuckle, hugging the other harder when Jiseok tries to mumble yet another complaint.
After an hour or so of crying and pretending Jooyeon’s reassuring and saddening look didn’t make him even angrier, Jiseok closes his eyes and turns his body around. He’s embarrassed himself enough as it is. He doesn’t need to stretch it further. First, he cuts himself by mistake when changing his guitar strings. Then, he gets drenched in rain because he forgot to grab an umbrella and then things just kept piling up.
Everything that could’ve gone wrong today went wrong: from spilling his coffee in the morning to messing up every single song during practice. The contest was right around the corner and Jiseok felt like he couldn’t breathe most days. This was one of the most important things he’s got going on in his life right now and the mere thought of anything going wrong made him want to vomit.
“Stop- Dude come ON! This is my bed!” The guitarist whines after a few minutes as the younger pulls on the blanket. “Why don’t you go over to your bed?? Even better! Gunil’s room! He’s visiting his parents and Jungsu can come here! You can have the whole thing to yourself!!” Jiseok grunts as he tugs on the blanket, holding back the smile that is about to tug at the corners of his lips.
“Aye, you cry in my arms and now you want alone time?? Where are your manners Kwak Jiseok~” The younger teases cheerfully, playfully throwing his body on top of Jiseok’s back and brushing his thumb over Jiseok’s dry tears. The room was silent, the moonlight illuminating their faces. Well, Jooyeon’s face, because Jiseok’s face was currently pressed between the mattress and against initial complaints, neither of them made any effort to actually pull away.
“You’ll do well, Ji…You always do.” Jooyeon whispers into the older man's ear, arms caging his body as one hand traces deliberate circles on Jiseok’s shoulder. “And if you don’t, that’s okay too.”
A lingering kiss on the side of his neck. It didn’t mean anything that it shouldn’t have, Jooyeon was always touchy and although the placement wasn’t something he ever did before, if it was any other day the guitarist wouldn’t even have a second thought about it. If it was any other day, he’d squirm and complain about the younger being too sappy and touchy, but not today.
Today, Jiseok’s heart stops. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That’s how long he counts, the amount of time he held his breath before exhaling quietly. He keeps his eyes closed, mentally cursing himself because it’s a stupid thought that’s been lingering around his brain since day one and now it was finally too loud to ignore.
PRESENT DAY
Jooyeon misses Jiseok. He misses his best friend, the guy who would somehow talk more than he does, the dude that would swear up and down he’s better at videogames than he is even though they both know it’s a lie. He misses the one person in the world who somehow always made the dumbest decisions while at the same time being the smartest person in every room he walked in.
He misses the person he so desperately wishes was his lover.
Jooyeon started resenting Jiseok for it. How could he so easily walk away? Act like nothing happened? As if he meant nothing? As if they meant nothing. The irritation was also due to the fact that the bassist had such an overwhelming amount of love and care in his heart for the other that every time their eyes locked he found himself parting his lips, trying to finally say what he’s been holding in, only for Jiseok to look the other way.
All of those messy, intense feelings soon started to translate into annoyed scoffs and snappy comments which most times turned into nasty fights, even about something as insignificant as the order of the songs on their setlist. Jiseok was no better. He fueled the fights. He lived for them, because yelling at Jooyeon was a million times easier than letting himself get carried away again and repeat the mistake of that one night when they were laying on the grass.
SIX MONTHS AGO: JOOYEON & JISEOK
It’s hard to remember how they ended up like this. All Jooyeon can remember is that they had a really good day in months. Band practice went smoothly, somehow they managed to go a full day without any major fights (mostly because they’ve all been too busy to see each other for more than one hour) and Jiseok even got praised in the morning when he and Jooyeon went busking.
“I really think you’re exaggerating.” Jiseok laughs embarrassed, arms behind his head as he looks up at the stars. The night was colder than usual, but the sky was clearer too, so neither of them minded laying on the ground next to the lake, knees brushing as a lame excuse of dealing with the cold by being close to each other.
“I really don’t think I am.” Jooyeon shakes his head with a wide grin, head turning to look at Jiseok. He thought he’d get used to it by now, the way his heart does a little skip every time his eyes meet the guitarist’s, but he didn’t. It still catches him by surprise, and he’s too happy to see him have a good day after such a long and tiring month to care about pretending his eyes don’t scan his face as his smile widens. “Why don’t you ever celebrate your wins?”
Jiseok glances at his friend, before turning his attention back to the stars, shrugging absentmindedly. “I guess I just never see them as wins.” He rasps, pursing his lips for a moment. “Nothing’s a win, but there’s failure.”
The bassist frowns, tilting his head in disapprovement. “It’s fine if you don’t think there’s any wins. But if that’s the case, you can’t let yourself believe in failure either.” Jooyeon huffs, making the older look back at him with an amused expression, barely holding back a laugh.
“What are you? The self-consciousness police?” Jiseok asks, baffled, laughing wholeheartedly at the younger’s determined and smug nod, mentally slapping himself for letting his stomach turn at such a simple thing.
They both spend a good few seconds laughing, making fun of the other for being more idiotic and arguing that it’s the opposite way. Jiseok suddenly feels a rush of adrenaline when watching Jooyeon’s eyes sparkle under the dimmed park lights.
Jooyeon, on the other hand, found his eyes drifting to the other’s lips far too many times and he truly doubts that he was sneaky enough with it for Jiseok to not notice. He did notice. And when he noticed, the guitarist let his eyes linger over the younger’s features for long enough to allow Jooyeon to call him out on it, make a joke about it or look away.
They didn’t look away. They didn’t move. The laughter slowly died down, and now the once rowdy and lively atmosphere shifted into something quieter, more intimate. They weren’t strangers to moments like these. Against popular belief, both of them found comfort in the late night deep conversation and silent ambience.
Jiseok is the first one to move. It’s subtle and barely noticeable, but it’s there. He tilts his chin so he’s now closer to the other, a small lopsided smile creeping on his face involuntarily when a soft breath escapes Jooyeon’s lips. Before they knew it, the both of them closed the distance.
It wasn’t a mistake, it was intentional. Sure, they might have leaned in slow enough for it to be a surprise when their lips touched, but they wanted this. No, they needed this. Jiseok’s eyes kept shifting, as if searching for any sort of doubt, while Jooyeon’s hands curled into tight fists at the base of his hoodie, as if to ground himself.
The first time their lips touch, it’s barely a brush of lips, one last chance for any of them to pull away. They don’t. Of course they don’t, they’ve been waiting for this for longer than they can remember and they’d be damned if they let anything, even the loud motorcycle passing by, take this moment away from them.
Jooyeon is the first one to make a definitive decision. He moves his hand away from his hoodie and cups Jiseok’s cheek with a shaky sigh before finally kissing him the way he’s been dreaming of. It’s not a hard kiss, but the grip on his friend’s cheek is firm, trying to memorize every inch of his face as he lets his lips move against the older’s lovingly.
It’s strange. They never kissed before and yet, the kiss is so very familiar. Maybe it’s because they know each other too well, or maybe it’s because this is exactly how they both imagined it would feel like ever since the thought first spiraled into their head.
It isn’t too soft, but it isn’t teeth clinking and lip biting either. It’s just right. It’s them. It’s Jiseok’s ragged breath as a smile plays on his lips when he leans in closer. It’s Jooyeon’s shaky hand moving to cup the back of the older’s head in order to make sure he’s not dreaming.
None of them care about their surroundings right now. All they care about is the feeling of pure bliss overwhelming them, one of Jiseok’s hands now cupping Jooyeon’s jaw as well as the younger’s hand moves from the guitarist’s jaw to his waist to tug him closer.
There was no one else around, and that only made the moment feel even more overwhelming. They couldn’t blame this on alcohol, on a silly joke. They couldn’t run away from it.
It wasn’t hard, though, none of them wanted to even pretend this wasn’t exactly what they wanted to do. Jiseok keeps one hand on Jooyeon’s cheek as the other hand grabs his collar, holding it tightly in a fist, closing his eyes tighter. He doesn’t want to loosen up his grip or pull away to breathe. It’s fine, it’s whatever, he doesn’t need air. He needs to kiss Jooyeon until he passes out.
Jooyeon’s thumb caresses the back of the guitarist’s head as he lets out a ragged exhale, letting himself finally smile in the kiss. He’s never felt more relief and bliss in his life and he can’t even be bothered to think about the logistics of everything right now. What will happen once they pull away? How will this change what they have? What does this mean for the band?
He doesn't know. He doesn’t care. All he cares about is holding Jiseok tightly as if at any moment now this will violently get ripped out of his hand. He, unfortunately, was right.
The call from Hyeongjun pulls them out of their silly fantasy world. This makes the two jolt away, pulse quickening and eyes wide. The loving and intimate moment that made them forget how things actually were now crumbled down, the both of them sitting up straight on the grass with a cough, avoiding each other’s gaze. Of course, what were they thinking? Being together in these circumstances would only make things harder for everyone, even something as simple as a kiss could ruin the band.
“Ah sorry i-” Jiseok starts with wide eyes, looking back at his friend with labored breathing. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, what he wants to think. He’s never been more sure about how right something felt than he did two minutes ago while kissing Jooyeon and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to own up to it.
“Yeah no, I get it me too yeah we should- we should–” The bassist starts, mind still foggy and his lips now plumped and covered in the other’s saliva and God he knows this was a mistake and that this could complicate things but the only thing he wants to do right now is tell Jiseok to have a grown up conversation, deal with it and go back to kissing.
His train of thoughts, however, quickly gets interrupted by what Jooyeon thinks is the single most painful sentence he has ever heard. “This never happened?” Jisseok’s voice is groggy, and the bassist can see the hesitation in the older’s eyes, but he knows it’s the right call.
Jooyeon doesn’t want to agree to it. He wants to grab his friends by the shoulders, shake him and yell at him for even daring to propose something as idiotic as pretending they didn’t both want this. “Yeah, this never happened.” He finds himself nodding, because even though it’s the last thing he wants, the saddened look in Jiseok’s eyes and the way his shoulders slump is clear enough of an indicator that trying to press onto the matter would do him more harm than good. After all, what type of person would Jooyeon be if he didn’t put the needs of the person he loves most far above his own?
PRESENT DAY
Ever since that day, Jiseok made it a personal mission to never let himself get that close to Jooyeon ever again (he also failed, but that’s a conversation for later). Things followed the same as usual ever since then, at least for the most part, but they both knew something shifted. Jooyeon spent days on end trying to pretend that night never happened, but it was hard to when for the longest time having Jiseok in front of him and not being able to kiss him felt physically painful.
So, here they were–all of them–playing diligently as if their life depends on it. Hyeongjun’s eyebrows knit slightly, looking up from his guitar for a split second in worry. Something’s wrong. He doesn’t know what, he can’t see anything out of the ordinary, but he can feel it.
It might be the tense atmosphere that seemed to surround them every time they all got together, or maybe the tiredness from having practiced the same tune one too many times. He tried to brush it off, tell himself that he’s being dramatic, that it’s just some anxiety-driven response to everything that has been going on lately.
In an alternative, perfect universe, he would be wrong about it. That unsettling feeling would remain just that: a feeling. However, life isn’t perfect, it’s far from it. So far that against all of Hyeongjun’s silent prayers that today will be different, he was right.
The sound was slightly off. No one seemed to notice it, at least not right away, and he can’t blame them. It was just a hint of note misplacement, an almost passable chord progression gone wrong that in any other setting, the combined noise of the instruments would’ve swallowed it up. Not this time, though.
Jiseok’s pick fell.
Hyeongjun is the first one to notice it, even before the blonde. When Jiseok’s hands hit the burnt metal strings that he’s been strumming at for hours with a screeching sound, the world stops.
About five seconds of pure silence, glances shared between each other as they knew well enough what was coming: another fight, another screaming match, another heavy day. Whenever things like these happened, they all had vastly different reactions: Seungmin always looked disappointed, hands on his hips as he’d let out a small sigh, probably to hold back from saying something he’ll regret later. Gunil and Jungsu, bit their lip in annoyance as they quickly let go of their instruments just to make sure they wouldn’t angrily hit them.
Jooyeon however? A purse of his lips, as if mentally preparing himself for war, before turning his bass’ volume all the way down. Him and Jiseok were always the most confrontational ones and it always made moments like these ten times worse.
A year ago, they’d all try to somehow deflate the situation before it got too bad but with everything that’s been happening lately, Seungmin started smacking the keys on his synth with a groan, Gunil started throwing his drumsticks on the floor, Jungsu started pushing his keyboard almost making it fall and Hyeongjun…
“YAH!” He yells annoyedly, turning off the sound of his guitar, because he was really really tired of this. It was unbearable, every day seemed longer than the last and it got to a point where even the smallest inconvenience or mistake sent him over the edge. “You haven’t been practicing lately, have you?”
Him, who was usually calm, always willing to listen and keep his mouth shut for the sake of it, was now ready to get into a screaming match, one that he’s witnessed far too many times to know how to make it worth his time.
For some reason, the way his voice resonated in the air made everyone stop in their tracks, too shocked to even react in anger this time. Now all there was is surprise, and by the way Jooyeon’s eyes glance at him, even worry.
However, before the words could leave his mouth, Jiseok tilts his head with an annoyed expression after staring at his empty hand trying to envision the spot between his fingers where the pick was just a few moments ago.
“I’ll be right back.” It all happens in the blink of an eye. The silver haired man quietly takes the guitar strap off his shoulder and in a firm motion throws it on the couch, leaving without looking back. Everyone looks at each other, an unsettling feeling creeping up in their chests, because angry, impulsive, loud, overly stubborn Jiseok was something they’ve sadly gotten used to.
This? Jiseok keeping his mouth shut and not even acknowledging the mistake or any of the guys for that matter? This was terrifying. Out of all the times they’ve fought, screamed, cried, this was a breaking point and they knew it.
It was clear in the way Jooyeon’s hand gripped on his bass tighter for a split moment, before taking it off and without a word, grabbing his jacket and running after Jiseok. They should be mad at him, for being childish, for running away, being dramatic and acting like it’s the end of the world but somehow, everyone knows: this might be it.
Jooyeon rushes to him breathing heavily with a worried expression. He knew where to find him, it was the same place the older always went to when he felt overwhelmed during practice. A spot that he believed none of the guys knew about but of course Jooyeon did. He always did.
The guitarist was looking at the scenery in front of him with an unreadable expression, sipping on his water bottle, letting the smoke of the put out cigarette from next to him hit his face. Everyone assumed Jiseok blamed himself for what happened during the contest, but no one was aware of just how much, the guitarist made sure of it.
He hid behind small jokes and nervous laughter whenever the topic was brought up, but Jooyeon wasn’t a fool. He held Jiseok in his arms more times than he can remember because of it. Even when he wanted to pretend it didn’t bother him, the younger still made sure to give him a reassuring smile, buy him some snacks or distract him enough for the spiral to stop.
It felt odd, being here after so many months to do the thing he used to take so much pride in: take care of Jiseok. Still, a small smile tugged at his lips watching the figure in front of him. He’s not yelling at him to leave or pushing him away. Jiseok keeps quiet. A silence that in moments like these, Jooyeon knew meant only one thing ‘Even if I end up leaving, I need you to stay with me until I do.’
"I know you’re gonna yell at me for what I’m about to say,” Jooyeon starts after a while, looking up at the sky. “but it's okay.”
Jiseok looks at him bitterly, tilting his head. "No, It's not okay Joo. It's not fucking okay. It hasn't been okay! For weeks! Fuck, it hasn't been okay for MONTHS!" He raises his voice frustrated, eyes red, making the other flinch slightly. "Wha-Why do you all keep acting like nothing's wrong?? Huh?? What type of sick fucking foreplay is this??"
"You can't- You can't drop this... Not after everything, c'mon you-" Jooyeon frowns, blood starting to boil.
"I can't? I /can't/?" Jiseok chuckles, irritated, turning his body to him fully, taking a step closer. "Why? Cuz it's not you doing it? Cuz it's not Hyeongjun??"
Jooyeon's lip twitches. "Why are you being so fucking dramatic?"
At that, Jiseok scoffs. "Tsk why i-" He scowls, pointing a finger harshly on the younger's chest. "You know the answer so don't make me fucking say it. Look at us, yeah? Look at everything that's been happening. You think I'm wrong for getting sick of it? We're ALL sick of it, Jooyeon!" Jiseok starts, angrily pointing at his chest again. "The difference is that I'm the only fucker in this shit hole of a group that has the balls to say what everyone is so scared of saying out loud!"
The younger takes a small gulp, jaw clenching as his shoulders slump in resignation. “And you think this is gonna fix it?”
“I don’t care if It’s gonna fix it.” Jiseok grits his teeth as Jooyeon pushes him lightly by the shoulders in anger, pushing back. “It’s not my fucking job.” It’s not the usual outburst, the loud, impulsive yelling the guitarist usually displayed.
He can’t even say he’s angry anymore. He’s tired. It was a small mistake, one that didn’t even have to mean anything, he could’ve just apologized and kept playing or just ignored the missing pick and plucked the strings with his fingers but…it was the last drop.
It usually works like this: you keep trying, keep going and take way more than you can handle, until a small, insignificative incident breaks you. And when that happens, there’s no going back. There’s no fixing it, no picking yourself back up. The slump that kept getting darker and darker finally surrounded Jiseok in all of its glory without leaving any sort of light slip through the cracks.
“Yeah? You want to run away, then? Take things back again?” Jooyeon asks, tone clearly accusatory and it doesn’t take long for Jiseok to know exactly what he means by that. The older man stops in his tracks giving an irritated nod.
“I’m not running away. I’m done. Do you have any fucking idea how much I’ve been dreading life lately, huh? Do you have ANY idea how hard it’s to wake up every single day and know this all went to shit because of ME?” Jiseok raises his voice, eyes glossy with tears as he points to himself.
“No one said it was your fault!” Jooyeon cries out angrily, running his hands through his hair exasperated. “YOU keep acting like everyone fucking hates you! YOU keep exploding at every little thing someone says! IT’S ALL YOU, JISEOK!”
“No one HAS to say it!!” The guitarist argues with a pained expression. “I see the way you all look at each other when I make a mistake! You think I don’t?? I’ve been forcing myself to keep this up for almost a year. I was already clinging onto the hope that maybe just maybe we’ll win the contest and I’ll finally prove to myself that I’m not as fucking worthless as I think I am and what did I do? I fucked up. I made all of that hard work go down the drain because my fingers got slippery.” Jiseok says in one breath, the bassist’s eyebrows frowning and a disgusted expression replacing the anger that was present just a few moments ago.
“Why do you keep doing this?? Blaming everything on yourself, acting like some evil low-life idiot? Jungsu was sick, Gunil messed up the tempo, my bass was barely heard, Hyeongjun’s guitar cable kept buzzing and Seungmin messed up the arrangement!” The younger reminds him, counting on his fingers as he steps closer. “We all fucked up, and yet, you’re the only one that plays victim.”
The words cause Jiseok to blink once, heart dropping to his stomach. “Victim? You think I’m trying to be a victim??” The older scoffs in mock amusement, rubbing his face once before looking back at him. “I’ve been trying to convince myself for a year that sometime soon I’ll finally feel like this is what I’m supposed to do, that this is where I’m supposed to be. For what? To constantly see all of you get better while I get stuck in the same spot I was months ago? To constantly get reminded that if you tried enough even you could be better than me at playing guitar?” Jiseok argues exasperated. “No matter how much I try, no matter how much I pretend, I NEVER GET BETTER! I make the same stupid mistakes, I keep practicing and trying and praying and for what? Huh?”
Jooyeon keeps up a stoic expression, but his heart shatters more and more at each word that leaves Jiseok’s lips. Hearing a person that you hold so dearly to your heart speak so lowly of themselves and think even lower is a kind of pain no one can understand until it happens to them. The younger’s fists unclench from his side, lips parting as his friend belittles himself more and more.
“If it wasn’t for you there would be no band.” Jooyeon rasps, only to earn a displeased scoff from the other. They know it’s true, but right now, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make it better for Jiseok to think that he was the one to gather everyone and start this because if he didn’t, maybe they wouldn’t be in this sort of situation right now.
“Yeah well, that would’ve been better for everyone.” Is the last thing Jiseok says before leaving without looking back, a perplexed Jooyeon staring at the figure disappearing in front of him, breaths heavy and eyes tired.
When he goes back into the practice room, he freezes at the doorframe, taking in the empty seats. Jooyeon turns his head so his eyes meet Hyeongjun’s, who is currently sitting on the couch with his hands clasped between his thighs while looking at the floor. “Where’s everyone?” Jooyeon’s voice cracks, panic settling in his chest.
“They left…” Hyeongjun rasps, chewing on his bottom lip, before looking up at the younger. “For good.” The guitarist knew Jooyeon wouldn’t take it well. Out of everyone, he was the one that was most determined to keep everything together, even when it seemed impossible, and for the first time ever, he failed.
“Well why didn’t you stop them?!” The bassist raises his voice. “Practice’s not done.” Without another word, Jooyeon makes his way to his spot, putting the bass over his shoulder and turning on the amp. The older man closes his eyes tightly for a moment, holding his breath before letting out a small exhale, glancing with a saddened expression at Jooyeon who was singing his heart out.
Two minutes passed, then five, then twenty, and Jooyeon was still diligently playing and singing as if his life depended on it. Hyeongjun could’ve left. He should’ve. After all, everyone else did, but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t worried, that he didn’t mind the way Jooyeon’s fingers started bleeding all over his strings from the force he was applying on them, because he did.
“Jooyeon, come on…It’s over…let’s go home-” The guitarist tries, voice soft and eyes filled with sorrow as he places a hand on his friend’s shoulder, only to have it jerked away. He knew it wouldn't work. He knew that all he’d get back would be a determined ‘It’s not.’ and be dismissed but he still had to try. So, he sighs before stepping outside and dialing the only person that he knew for a fact Jooyeon would listen to. The only person that could fix this, that could bring everyone back.
The phone rings a couple times, but Jiseok is far too busy being all up in his head to fully register the sound to answer. By the time he pulls the phone out of his pocket, the caller has already hung up. Jiseok stares at Hyeongjun’s name displayed on the screen, thumb hovering over the call button, before sighing and putting it back into his pocket, making his way to the convenience store near their house.
Hyeongjun blames himself for this. Not just partially. He glances back at Jooyeon, head resting against the opened door as he replays the events of today in his head, wondering if keeping quiet the way he always has would’ve resulted in another outcome. Maybe it wouldn’t have tipped Jiseok over the edge, maybe it wouldn’t have destroyed what they worked so hard to build, maybe they’d only have yet another stupid fight, go home and hold on for another day.
FIVE MONTHS AGO: HYEONGJUN
When they first heard about the contest, they thought it would be the perfect opportunity to make their band get some recognition, maybe even bring them closer, but the only thing it did was push them further and further away from each other. They started losing sleep over it, practicing to the point of exhaustion, being jumpy and snappy at every minor inconvenience because of the stress and Hyeongjun is in a constant fight-or-flight mode, always overly weary of conversations and too tired of the fights.
Everyone seems to have a problem with everyone. He doesn’t even understand how it got to this point, it feels like just yesterday they were laughing together after collectively forgetting to bring their own gear for a gig.
He’s trying so hard to understand how things got out of control as much as they did, but deep down he knows the answer. They all dislike burdening others, it’s one thing that they have in common. Before, that brought them closer, sharing that understanding that sometimes letting others see your pain can feel shameful. Him and Seungmin once had a long conversation about it, promising each other to let themselves be more vulnerable with the guys, but it never ended up happening.
It was hard to talk about your hardships to the person in front of you when you knew how hard they had it. It felt selfish, and unfortunately, that is one of the main reasons things got as messy as they did. When Seungmin got broken up with, instead of asking him about it, he remembers giving him a knowing glance when he came back home before quietly getting into his room.
When Gunil missed his parents, he didn’t call out for Jungsu to have a shoulder to cry on. Instead, he locked himself in his room and muffled his sobs into his pillows while listening to his favorite band. Jiseok heard him, but instead of knocking on his door, he closed his eyes tightly and walked past the door, faking ignorance.
Each and every single one of them was a ticking bomb. Instead of relying on each other, they acted as if they were all alone, and that’s exactly how it ended up feeling. Hyeongjun no longer felt like he was part of a special thing with people he loved. He felt as if he was still here out of obligation, because of the comfort of doing what you’ve gotten used to, not because he wanted to but because you were too scared to do something else.
Out of everyone, he might be the one that carries the least resentment for the others. After all, don’t they want the same thing? Aren’t they working towards the same goal? Aren’t they supposed to be a team? Shouldn’t they ask about each other? Trust the others to listen to their issues? Aren’t they supposed to care enough to notice when something’s wrong with one of them?
So how come that even now, when Hyeongjun stares at the email on his phone with a lump in his throat, head buzzing as he reads the words ‘You’ve been dismissed’, he’s expected once again to be there for others before he can try to handle his own problems?
Everyone, since day one, always looked in his direction whenever issues would arrive. Whether it be relationship problems or help with a song part that kept not working, Hyeongjun always seemed to be the one to have the answers. It might be because of his composed demeanor, or his ability to prioritize. Either way, he was always the person the others turned to for help and usually, he didn’t mind it. He never did, except now.
“I kissed Jiseok! I mean- he kissed me, I mean, we both did but you know we were just laying on the grass-” Jooyeon blabbers with wide eyes and unfortunately, Hyeongjun can’t bring himself to care. He can’t. His mind is racing, trying to come up with the most time-effective solution just so he won’t have to embarrassingly admit that he just lost his job and he now needs to find a way to make money so he could still afford his side of rent, and Jooyeon?
Jooyeon is too busy freaking out about his romantic life to care. To notice. The guitarist’s lip twitches, pulse raising as the younger explains the situation in a panicked voice, before he snaps. “I don’t care!Not right now…Please.” Hyeongjun softens his tone for the last part, eyes glued to the floor.
The words take the bassist by surprise, making him fully stop in his tracks with his lips parted. He can tell by the way his friend’s eyes flutter shut and his body slumps that he regrets snapping, but he doesn’t leave the way Hyeongjun expected him to.
Instead, Jooyeon reaches for the other’s phone and quietly reads the e-mail, pursing his lips as an unbearable amount of guilt starts to flood his body. He was so obsessed with his own problems that he didn’t even notice the way Hyeongjun was still wearing outside clothes in the house, something that he usually only did when he was too out of it to care.
Jooyeon doesn’t apologize. Instead, he lets out a small understanding huff before walking over the fridge and grabbing two beers, sitting next to the guitarist. “We’ll figure it out.”
It was a small gesture, but Hyeongjun nearly cried when the cold can of beer touched his hand. It was Jooyeon’s way of saying ‘I see you, I care.’ and that’s more than what he could’ve asked for.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, the tension from before now gone, they each ended up talking about their worries and after a long time, Hyeongjun felt at ease.
“I don’t think anyone would have an issue with it, you know?” He notes, tilting his head to look at Jooyeon. He knew the actual reason they were scared of it, but the reassurance was still something he wanted to give Jooyeon because he would like to believe that he knows them well enough by now to be sure of the fact that they’d be nothing short of happy for them.
“It’s not the guys…” The younger frowns, looking at the ceiling with his head resting against the couch. “If it goes sideways, it’ll affect the band. Isn’t that unfair to everyone?”
Hyeongjun hums, resting his head on the couch as well, looking at the ceiling too. “But if you live like this, isn’t it unfair to you two?”
The words hang in the air as Jooyeon tilts his head towards him, causing Hyeongjun to look back at him as well. As if on cue, the apartment's door swings open, a very frustrated and irritated Jiseok staring at the scene in front of him.
They know how it looks. They also know Jiseok, so him letting out a displeased almost betrayed chuckle didn’t come as a surprise. Jooyeon was about to get up, rush after him, explain, but as soon as he gets up from the couch he blinks.
He doesn’t have to give him an explanation. He doesn’t need to apologize for something that looks wrong. After all, it was Jiseok who started distancing himself first, so why should he be the one to fix things? So, against his initial reaction, he plops back down on the couch and turns on the tv. And Hyeongjun? He doesn’t leave his side.
PRESENT DAY
Ever since that day, things got tense between the two guitarists. Hyeongjun started rolling his eyes at Jiseok’s snarky jealousy remarks that were grounded on nothing really, and Jiseok started taking more offense whenever Hyeongjun would try to discuss technicalities with him.
Jiseok hated how close the two got. It was supposed to be him by Jooyeon’s side. He was supposed to be the one the younger would go to when he’d have a hard time and they were supposed to be special. Yes, he started pulling away, because what else was he supposed to do? Look him in the eyes every single day and have him at arms’ length 24/7 and not kiss him?
Ignoring him and giving Jooyeon the cold shoulder was easier. Getting mad at Hyeongjun for getting closer to his best friend than admitting this never would’ve happened if he wasn’t stupid enough to kiss him was easier too.
All of this just further proved that Jiseok was exactly who he thought he was: a mess of an incompetent asshole that always ruins everything. He can’t play guitar the way he’d like, he can’t sing the way he’d like, he can’t love Jooyeon the way he’d like and now? He can’t even keep together the group he himself was so insistent on creating in the first place. No matter what he did, Jiseok was always stuck in a limbo of negativity that seemed to follow not only him, but everyone who ever dared to get too close. So, wouldn’t it be better if he simply disappeared? If he made it easier for everyone and let go of this so they could finally be happy?
It’s too cold and too late, but the guitarist really couldn’t care less. Being in the middle of the street and drinking a can of beer while looking at the disregarded guitar on the ground sounded ten times better than going home and seeing everyone avoid looking in his direction, blaming him for the way things ended. The worst part is that most of them still had to spend some time living together until they figured out the logistics of everything.
That night, regretful and drunk, Jiseok came back to a dark and quiet apartment, noticing the suitcases waiting at the door. Gunil was the first to pack up his things, having called his parents and Seungmin followed close after. Jungsu and Hyeongjun chose to stay in the apartment, trying to hold onto some sense of normality while Jooyeon well…he never came back home that day.
He knew he couldn’t stand the idea of watching everything fall apart in front of him, so he chose to crash over at a friend's house until the morning. Jiseok could’ve called his parents, go back home, but hasn’t he embarrassed himself enough as it is? So, he simply takes off his clothes and slumps on the bed.
The decision for everything to end was a quiet one. There was no big fight, no yelling and blaming, just a simple “It’s done.” coming from Jiseok’s mouth when he got back. To think back on it, they were cruel, especially to Jooyeon. He didn’t even have a saying in it, didn’t even get to try to make things right.
Resent should overwhelm him, he should be angry at everyone and all them assholes but, he can’t. He’s tired. He’s tired of fighting, of trying, of hoping, so instead of desperately calling them and trying to fix it, he, for once in his life, lets things be.
They all blame themselves for tonight, in their own way. Maybe if Jooyeon tried a bit harder to convince Jiseok and didn’t yell at him, maybe if Hyeongjun didn’t snap, maybe if Jiseok didn’t let his insecurities get the best of him, maybe if Gunil and Seungmin drove to where he was instead of going home, maybe if Jungsu simply said a “No.” and kept playing.
All those maybes and what ifs, clouding their heads. None of them really sleep that night, and in the morning, when Jiseok wakes up, groggy and with a headache, squinting at the light peaking through the window. Everything comes crashing down on him when he hears the faint sound of guitar coming from Hyeongjun’s room.
His eyes widen, snapping his head towards the corner of his room, where his guitar is usually placed, exhaling in terror as he sees the empty spot. “No, no- no, c’mon c’mon-” He jolts out of bed, frantically looking around his room. Jiseok puts his hands in his hair in panic, breaths getting more and more irregular, before checking the time and grabbing his jacket, sprinting out of the house. If he’s quick enough, he might get there before they take the trash out.
It was odd. Something he started hating so deeply, the thing that once made his life have purpose now being the reason he barely wanted to get out of bed, something he should be glad is gone, causing him this much anxiety when it was finally gone.
He’s thought about it, more than once, giving away his guitar, maybe even throwing it. Now, though? Now Jiseok is running for his life after the garbage truck that had the guitar mockingly staring at him. “Hold on! Wait! HEY!!” The guitarist tries desperately, holding his breath as he tries to quicken his pace.
Jooyeon didn’t want to go back to the apartment. He didn’t want to see the way something he once considered home became a painful memory. That’s exactly why he was walking around mindlessly, chewing on his bottom lip. As he waits at the crosswalk, his eyes catch sight of a familiar figure running after a garbage truck, eyes close to popping out of his head once he recognizes the man. “Wha-” He mumbles to himself in surprise, before quickly checking the road for cars and sprinting after Jiseok.
“Hey- Hey! What are you doing?? It’s gone-” Jooyeon breathes heavily, hand resting on the back of his friend, who is now holding onto his knees, resting his head back on the cold tile of the tunnel with a pained expression.
“My guitar…” Jiseok breathes out, rubbing his face in frustration as he refuses to look at the other, causing the younger to widen his eyes more, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Why’s your guitar in there??” Jooyeon asks baffled, searching the guitarist’s eyes, and he can tell he wants to say something, apologize, cry about he was stupid and didn’t realize how much this meant to him until he had it ripped out of his hands and how he was the most ungrateful idiot for not appreciating the guitar and the band overall until it was too late, but he didn't.
Instead, Jiseok just scoffs while trying to walk away while mumbling a resigned “Forget it.”
“Forget what? What do you mean by that?” At that, Jiseok repeats the phrase and Jooyeon lets out a displeased huff, harshly pulling the guitarist close again. “No." A simple sentence. He stares at the older, eyebrows frowned. “Why do you always do this, Jiseok? Why do you always give up without even trying??" The bassist asks in annoyance.
However, his voice still holds softness. It still holds love. Because, after all, even though the person standing in front of him has been feeling like a stranger for the past few months, when he holds his gaze, he can still see him.
His Jiseok.
For some reason, the other's eyes get glossier, licking his lips in guilt. “You think I didn't try?" He croaks out, arm dropping on his side although Jooyeon refuses to let go of his sleeve. "I tried! Fuck I- I tried so much, man…I tried to pretend I'll be okay, I tried to pretend that I don't think I'm an embarrassment and a failure to the guys, that I'm worth something, but guess what? I can't. I- I'm not- I just-"
At this point, Jiseok couldn't see straight, the quickening of his pulse fogging his mind, leaving him too disoriented to form a proper sentence.
Jooyeon's eyes widen, hands now going into the other's shoulders to steady him. “He- Hey- no-" The taller shushes his friend, trying to calm him down cupping his face, eyes searching him. “Hey, look at me. You're not a disappointment. Or a failure, fuck– Jiseok you're the only reason this band exists in the first place!”
The silver haired boy lets tears stain his face with a pained expression, shaking his head. " I fucked up. Because of me everyone– everything– is messed up, I- the band, my guitar, us-”
The last part wasn't meant to be said out loud. Jooyeon can tell by the way his eyes widen and his lips part. He could let it slide, reassure Jiseok some more and run towards the landfill but he sees the way the older man holds his breath, as if terrified of what he just said.
“Us?" Jooyeon whispers, taking a step closer. “There's nothing messed up about us." The bassist breathes out, before pressing his lips on Jiseok's, grounding him by his shoulders and kissing him lovingly.
Jiseok stills for a moment, a small gasp leaving his lips, scared to move. It takes Jooyeon moving one of his hands into the order’s hair to tug him closer while whispering a weakened “Please…”.
A light frown forms on the guitarist's face, before he grabs onto Jooyeon's collar and kisses him back harder, rawer, needier, as if clinging onto him and kissing him was the only thing keeping him alive in this very moment…and maybe it was.
Jooyeon feels as if the earth has been swept from under his legs, cupping the older’s cheeks desperately, not minding the way the kiss gets messier by the second. He doesn’t care about all of the fights, about the way they haven’t had a proper conversation in months, about anything other than this. The feeling of Jiseok’s lips against his. Deliberate this time, sure of himself, not as a stupid mistake done at eleven at night under the stars. “You’re shaking.” Jiseok whispers between kisses with a barely there smile as he holds onto tighter.
That earns him a breathy chuckle from the younger, who is now smiling with teeth, only making the kiss sloppier. “Yeah, you too.” Jooyeon whispers back teasingly as their noses brush together and God he’s so in love it hurts.
Jiseok finds himself laughing in the kiss as his tears get wiped away by the same thumbs that have done so for the past few years. “Shit, stop-” He tries to mumble something about his runny nose, although he does little to no effort in pulling away.
The taller one pulls away just enough to rest his forehead on the guitarist’s, opening his eyes with a chuckle, wiping Jiseok’s nose with his sleeve. He spends a few seconds simply smiling down at his friend, before widening his eyes. “THE GUITAR, FUCK!” Jooyeon screeches, grabbing Jiseok’s hand and rushing after the long gone truck.
Somehow, even now, when everything felt lost and Jiseok felt like the biggest failure known to man kind, no hopes of even trying to get his guitar back, Jooyeon still managed to put a smile on his face and make him let out a wholehearted laugh while running with him, because of course he did.
Seungmin chews on his bottom lip, playing with his finger as he looks at Gunil putting the drumset from the garage in his truck. “Hey…Do you really think we won’t ever see each other again?”
The memories from last night are still fresh in their heads, the sound of drumsticks hitting the ground before the older one picks them up triggering the last words shared between each other.
LAST NIGHT
Jiseok swings the door open, only to find Seungmin and Jungsu argue yet again about how the other’s pacing was off, Gunil lecturing Hyeongjun for yelling at Jiseok, and he just snaps. “It’s done. We’re done.”
The others blink at him, silence evolving the room for a few seconds before Seungmin laughs hysterically. “Ah, that’s it?? We try to make this work against everything and you fuck up once night and decide it’s done?”
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jungsu turns his head to face the other, before looking back at Jiseok. “And you? You think this is okay? Jiseok, how many times have any of us gotten yelled at by you, huh? How many times did we have to suck it up and move on? Now Hyeongjun calls you out on your bullshit and you just want to leave?”
Hyeongjun, on the other hand, was frozen in place. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do, what to think. The one time it’s more important than ever for him to speak up, to take control of the conversation, to remind everyone that they shouldn’t act on impulse and throw all of their hard work out the window…he stays quiet. All he can do is watch as everything around him falls apart, starting with Gunil throwing his drumsticks on the floor before getting up angrily and reaching for his backpack.
“Gunil, man-” Seungmin tries, only for the older to let out a bitter chuckle, tilting his head towards the synth player.
“I’m so tired of you. Of all of you and– especially of you.” The drummer points to Jiseok’s chest with barely contained anger. “You’re an ungrateful bastard. We’ve all been moving hell and earth just to keep this god forsaken band afloat and you throw it all away because you’re in a bad mood.” He starts, walking towards the door and glancing one last time at the guys. “And you know what? Neither of you are any better. All you ever do is pick fights and act like stupid kids. Grow up.”
Jiseok scoffs annoyedly at the door closing behind him, putting his guitar in its case as Jungsu and Seungmin still argue in the background. Hyeongjun wanted to cry, to scream, but all he could do was watch.
“What the hell is your problem dude? Do you think you’re the only person who got broken up with? Ever since that day you started acting like a whiny little bitch oh my GOD get over it already!!" Jungsu complains exasperated, Seungmin’s head twitching in disbelief.
“Course!! It’s so easy for you to say it!! You’re the whole fucking reason it happened in the first place!” The younger yells, Hyeongjun’s hand still pathetically glued around his guitar, lump in his throat getting bigger and bigger. “If it wasn’t for you getting us a gig the day of my fucking anniversary it would’ve never happened!”
Jungsu rolls his eyes, grabbing his jacket with a scoff. “That relationship was long dead, I did you a favor.” The pianist bites, turning his head to Jiseok. “And you? You can go fuck yourself, yeah? Look at the mess you made. Are you happy with yourself, Jiseok? Huh? Are you fucking satisfied?? All because your stupid pick fell?”
“Guys please let’s just- calm down…” The guitarist tries in a wary tone, placing his instrument on the couch, the loud thud of Jiseok slamming the door behind him echoing in the room.
It doesn’t take long for the other two to follow close behind, leaving Hyeongjun alone, surrounded by instruments and the ghosts of the people he once considered his brothers.
PRESENT DAY
Gunil looks at his worn out drumsticks, lips pursed at the memories rushing through his head. “Who knows…” The man exhales, lazily throwing his drumsticks in the back of his car. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again sometime.” He gives a small smile, before closing the door to his truck, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d swear he saw Jooyeon’s figure sprinting from the other side of the street.
Seungmin seems to have the same impression, because his eyebrows knit together as he takes a few steps forward. “That’s so weird I could swear I just saw-”
Back at their house, Jungsu and Hyeongjun each tried to distract themselves from the current events the best they could: sitting on the cold floor with covers of the songs they once recorded blasting through the headphones and playing on guitar the songs they were working on but never got to release.
Jungsu could still hear the faint sound of Hyeongjun’s guitar resonating through the walls, so when the familiar tune suddenly stops, the pianist gets pulled out of his trance, making his way towards the younger’s room.
The guitarist stares at the phone ringing from the table with uncertainty, blinking in surprise when Jungsu answers. Hyeongjun has to stop himself from smiling, because it doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t want to let himself get his hopes up and dream about this being just another stupid fight that they will eventually make up from, but he can’t help it.
He can’t help it because even though they close to punched each other last night and could barely spend more than five minutes alone in a room without arguing, Jungsu still picked up when the other called. “Jiseok needs help.” Seungmin’s hurried voice comes through the speakers, causing the other two to quickly put on shoes. “Gunil and I are driving to the landmill, it’s his guitar-” At that, the two instantly widen their eyes, rushing out of the house.
It sounds silly, to get this fanatic over a guitar. Especially when it comes to the guitar of the guy that chose to give up on them and the same guy that has been nothing but a ticking bomb lately. But, how could they not care? How could they let Jiseok– impulsive, ungrateful, unaware of how important he is Jiseok, lose one of the most precious things in his life?
They know it’s not about the guitar itself. It’s just a piece of polished wood with some metal strings and he can easily buy another one, but he can’t ever buy this specific one again. Even if he gets the most expensive, exclusive guitar, it won’t be the guitar with which he learned his first song, the guitar that he hugged tightly in relief after getting its broken saddle fixed or hell, even the guitar that he held the first time he fucked up on stage.
No matter how much money he’d spend or how many replacements he could buy, nothing will ever fill the void of losing the one thing that started it all. It was with that guitar that he decided to make the band, and the one he dreaded so much seeing for the past few months.
Jiseok used to pray that one day he’d wake up and his guitar would be gone, so he’d finally have a good enough excuse to give up and let himself prove to everyone just how much he doesn’t care. Yet, here he is, rain pouring down on him as he stares blankly at the container in front of him burning brightly.
No one dares to speak. All they can do is look at the scene in front of them with heavy breaths and pained expressions, barely bringing themselves to look in Jiseok’s direction. This time, Hyeongjun isn’t frozen in place. This time, he acts. He’s the first one to move, hand carefully reaching for the other’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
It hurt more than Jiseok ever thought it would. It felt as if his heart was being ripped open from his chest and stomped on every time a moment even remotely tied to the guitar passed through his head. The man lets his head fall back, looking at the dark sky in resentment, not sure if towards life or his own idiocy, and does the one thing he’s been avoiding ever since he first met: he cried in front of them.
Jiseok has always been a vulnerable and emotional person, and everyone around him knows it, but he liked to pretend he was way more carefree than he actually was. The only one out of everyone here that’s seen him cry multiple times was Jooyeon, so when everyone else notices the red glossy eyes and the tears mixing with the raindrops, the bassist wastes no time in pulling Jiseok into a hug.
To comfort him, to hide him, because he knows the older. No matter how heartbroken and helpless he feels, he is still too embarrassed to let himself break down in front of everyone. So, Jooyeon holds him tightly with a pained expression, closing his eyes when he hears a broken “It’s gone-” as Jiseok’s lips brush against his neck.
Jooyeon hugs the guitarist tighter, everyone sharing a knowing look. Seungmin’s lips press tightly to keep it together and Jungsu holds back his own tears at the sight of one of the strongest people he knows clinging onto Jooyeon as if his entire world crumbled in front of him, when his eyes shift towards Gunil.
It was subtle, almost unnoticeable, but he knows that look. Jungsu, who always yelled at him for being overbearing, for always being all up in everyone’s business and for always trying to help even when they didn’t ask for it, needed him. He needed the person he so often took for granted to guide them, to show them what now.
Gunil takes in the scene in front of him for a brief moment, tilting his head towards Jiseok’s direction, before walking up to him and pulling him into a hug as well. Soon enough, everyone followed him and in no time, Jiseok was now surrounded by the people he so selfishly pushed away because of his own fears.
The same guys that yelled at him for being a bastard and an asshole just a few hours ago were now holding him tightly, because even though they fought and yelled at each other, they were still the best thing in each other’s lives.
Jungsu and Seungmin who just yesterday were going at each other’s throats were now tapping their heads together with a small smile, as if quietly calling the other stupid and Hyeongjun, who yesterday was stuck in his own anxiety, spoke up. “We should grab dinner.”
At that, everyone erupts in a fit of laughter, even Jiseok who now pulled his head out of Jooyeon’s neck to look at him with a baffled frown as the bassist caresses his hair. “Are you paying?”
“Fuck no, Gunil is.” Hyeongjun shakes his head, earning yet another laugh from everyone and the drummer rolls his eyes to pretend his heart isn’t more full than it has ever been.
They still have a lot to talk about, to apologize for, to fix, but one thing was clear: they do want to fix it, they have to. “You know, we never blamed you for what happened at the contest.” Seungmin speaks up while chewing, making the guitarist stop in his tracks, clearing his throat.
“How’d you-” Jiseok tries, making Jungsu chuckle from the other side of the table. Of course, he was stupid to believe they didn’t notice. They might have kept it to themselves, chose to not talk about it and pretend they didn’t see, but at the end of the day, they know each other better than they know themselves.
“Why’d you never talk to us?” Gunil frowns, opening a bottle of soju for the younger and placing it in front of him.
It felt weird, having everyone be so open about their feelings and worries and actually talk things out. It feels as if for the first time in months, they can all finally breathe. Things are still not perfect, obviously. They still need to figure out why the concert took such a bad toll on everyone, if they really are as bad of a match as they seemed to be lately, but finally, after what felt like an eternity, they feel like them again.
Hearing Jiseok talk about how much he’s been struggling with music lately, how bad things got and how he didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems since he already fucked up enough, only resulted in Seungmin smacking Jiseok’s head. “What the hell is wrong with you, man? What the fuck do you mean you suck ass at guitar? Jungsu sucks ass at guitar, not you!”
“HEY!” Jungsu calls out offended, the others letting out an amused snicker at the familiar banter. “Gunil sucks ass more than I do!”
“This is about Jiseok?! How am I still the butt of the joke??” Gunil widens his eyes, scandalized as if his lips aren’t curled into a smile, the unbearable tension that they got so used to somehow completely disappearing before they even realized.
The conversation goes on for hours on end and although they know it’s not as if things can suddenly be perfect and that they’ll most likely still have stupid fights and hate each other from time to time, they suddenly remember why they were here in the first place.
Come to think of it, Jooyeon finds it poetic: the band started because of Jiseok, it ended because of Jiseok and now, against all odds, it was back because of Jiseok. His eyes shift between the guys, a small soft smile plastered on his face as Jiseok and Hyeongjun get into a compliment competition just to prove a point of who’s a better guitarist, and he realizes he finally belongs somewhere.
“I’m gonna go for a smoke.” Jiseok announces after a while, grabbing his jacket, having the other guitarist instantly get up with a quick ‘I’m coming with.’. At that, the silver haired man shoots him a questioning look. “You don’t even smoke.”
“Yeah well, someone’s gotta make sure you come back.” Hyeongjun argues playfully, leaving Jiseok staring at the guys with a dumbfounded expression, mouth wide in shock as they laugh at the exchange, before following the guitarist outside.
Jiseok leans his back against the wall, lighting up his cigarette, playfully offering Hyeongjun a puff, chuckling at the taller giving him a nasty stare. A few seconds of silence pass, before he exhales the smoke, looking at Hyeongjun. “‘m sorry y’know…I know I gave you a harder time than with the other guys.”
The guitarist lets his lips curl into a small smile, watching the ashes fall from the cigarette before looking at his friend, leaning against the wall as well. “It’s okay, if I were you I’d be worried about me and Jooyeon too.” He teases in a small cocky voice, enjoying the way Jiseok stops in his tracks, cigarette between his fingers as it almost falls out of his mouth in shock. “You think I don’t know? With the way you two look at each other, I’d be more surprised if no one else figured it out.”
Jiseok frowns, mind racing with a joke, an excuse, a lie, but nothing comes out. Nothing except a dumbfounded “How-”.
“Tsk, You people really don’t know how to keep your mouths shut around me, that’s how.” Hyeongjun smirks, putting his hands in his pockets with a snicker. He tilts his head amused, scanning over the other’s face, before his expression gets more serious. “I felt like that too, about guitar I mean.” The man sighs, looking at the sky as he talks. “There will always be someone better than you, Jiseok, no matter how much you push yourself.”
“I don’t want to be the best, though.” The older rasps, looking at the sky as well. “Just wanna feel enough, know I’m not a failure…” His voice drifts away, exhaling the smoke as his fingers brush his bottom lip. “Maybe I’m just not supposed to keep doing this, maybe I should just- find something else.”
At that, Hyeongjun laughs softly, beaming at the older. “You just had a breakdown because you saw your guitar burst into flames and you want me to believe this isn’t it for you?” The younger argues, earning a resigned chuckle from Jiseok, whose heart felt just a tiny bit lighter. “We don’t have to sell out stadiums or have world tours, y’know?” Hyeongjun continues, a small smile present on his face. “We can just have fun and play in the sketchy bars Jungsu somehow keeps finding and if along the way we make some money that’s great, but I thought you started this because you needed an escape. Why would you let it turn into the reason you feel like you need to escape?”
“But what if the reason we don’t make it big it’s because I’m here? Like if instead of me there was someone else-” Jiseok starts, immediately being interrupted by the other.
“If instead of you there was someone else, there wouldn’t be a band to begin with, Jiseok.” Hyeongjun reminds him, as if offended. “I can’t make your worries go away, neither of us can, but you can’t let yourself fuck up something good because of them. I’m not going to let you.” The younger frowns determined, voice sterner but still soft. “I look up to you, you can’t drop it like it’s nothing.”
The sentence takes the other guitarist by surprise, staring at his friend for a few moments, before laughing lightly. “Yeah, right.” He shakes his head, taking another puff of his cigarette, before blinking. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“Of course I’m serious!” Hyeongjun exclaims, exasperated. “Joining this band is the sole reason I didn’t give up guitar back then!” He admits, and it’s as if Jiseok gets to look at him, really look at him, for the first time.
Hyeongjun was probably the most impressive guitarist he’s ever seen and overall one of the most unique people he’s met, and sometimes, because of how good he is at what he does, it’s easy to forget that really, he’s one of the youngest ones in the group.
Yet, at this moment, when his eyes meet Hyeongjun’s wide ones, pout present on his lips, he feels like he’s back to that day. The day when a nervous, quiet, low ponytail Hyeongjun showed up with a guitar over his shoulder for the band audition because his case broke. “Why didn’t I know that?” is all Jiseok manages to rasp out.
“Pft, as if you need even more of an ego boost than you already have…” The younger mumbles, biting back a smile when he finds himself being pulled into a side hug with an emotional Jiseok looking at him. That’s when the door to the restaurant opens, Jooyeon looking at them with a raised eyebrow. “I’m gonna go talk about the next band practice with the guys…” Hyeongjun clears his throat knowingly, biting the inside of his cheek as he pulls away.
“What band??” Jiseok calls out, making the other turn around to stare at him unimpressed.
“The band that’s sitting at table five! That band!!” He echoes before closing the door behind him, earning an amused snicker from the bassist.
Jiseok shakes his head, the corners of his lips curled up as he rests his back on the wall again. “He’s really gonna force me back into the band, huh?” The guitarist hums impressed, looking at the streetlight in front of him.
A small chuckle comes out of Jooyeon who stands next to the older, making sure their shoulders brush. “You were already back in the band the moment we had a romantic group hug in the rain while surrounded by trash~” The bassist jokes, grinning when Jiseok stares at him threateningly for bringing up the vulnerable moment.
They enjoy comfortable quietness for a bit, and yet, Jiseok can’t help but avoid the other’s gaze. Even if he’d like to focus on the way the smoke dissolves into the air, or the wet cement, all he can do is be hyperaware of how close Jooyeon is. All he can think about is how earlier today their lips were pressed against each other and how he can still feel the faint tingle of his friend’s lips against his. “We have to talk.” Jooyeon whispers, bumping his shoulder against the other’s, making him wake up from his trance.
“Do we really have to?” Jiseok grimaces as the bassist chuckles. He doesn't want to talk. Hell, he doesn’t even want to acknowledge it, because that means owing up to his shit, and that’s the last thing the guitarist knows how to do. It doesn’t help that Jooyeon is suffocatingly close and he can smell the cologne that brings him more comfort than anything else, and how his heart skips every time their shoulders brush.
“I mean, would you rather we talk back home, in your bed, with the door locked so you can’t run away? ‘cuz we can do that too.” Jooyeon rasps smugly in the other’s ear, laughing softly when Jiseok pushes him away with a groan. The younger looks down at the guitarist with a loving smile, eyes scanning over his face. He doesn’t care about pretending anymore, or holding back. The small yet intense moment they shared earlier today has been replaying in his head for the past few hours and he’d be damned if he lets it be a one time thing only.
Jiseok glances at him putting the cigarette out on the ground, and braces himself, closing his eyes tightly. The taller’s lips twitch in endearment, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Open your eyes, Jiseok.” He instructs, and when the other does, Jooyeon’s heart falls to his stomach. Admiring the guitarist has always been part of his default mode but right now, under the dim street lights, after everything that happened, somehow, his heart felt even fuller of love than before.
They know each other like the back of their hands, and that also means Jooyeon being painfully aware that having this type of talk in front of a restaurant with people constantly passing by isn’t something Jiseok would want. “You’re starting to make me think you’re embarrassed of me.” Jooyeon teases with a small smile.
The guitarist sneers, resting his head against the wall and looking up at the other. “Do you want some romantic confession or something? ‘cuz you’re not gonna get it.” He holds back a smile, taking another cigarette out of the pack and lighting it.
Jooyeon takes the cigarette out of Jiseok’s lips before he gets to inhale the smoke, moving to a single-leg wall lean one foot raised as he takes a puff, exhaling the air upwards. “Nah, I already got it.” He argues smugly, making the older turn his head to look at him with a questioning stare. “You kissed back.” The bassist whispers into Jiseok’s ear, a shiver running down the guitarist’s spine.
It’s a simple answer. It’s not an over the top sentimental declaration or an emotional tear-filled confession, but it's them. Jiseok glances down, failing to bite back a smile and feeling incredibly embarrassed of the heat he can feel spreading on his cheeks.
Admittedly, Jooyeon is putting up a pretty nice front, he could even blame the blush on his cheeks on the cold air. He thought he had the upper hand, until “It wasn’t a mistake.” Jiseok confesses, to which the bassist stops in his tracks, cigarette halfway to his lips. “Back then either.” He finishes, and Dammit it’s annoying how easy it is for Jiseok to get the upper hand.
So, here he is, stupidly staring at Jiseok, lips slightly parted as the ash falls on his boot and his heart is stuck in his throat. He knew. Well, he assumed, but still…hearing it from him, so clearly, so confidently, like it was ridiculous he even had to clarify it, leaves him speechless.
Jiseok raises his head to look at his friend again, a small laugh escaping. “You look so stupid right now.” He tries, but his eyes give it away. They hold the type of spark Jooyeon’s only ever seen from him when he talked about guitar.
“And I really want to kiss you.” Jooyeon blurts out, not minding Jiseok taking the cigarette out of his mouth and putting it in his, taking a puff before handing it back with a quiet ‘There’. The younger raises his eyebrows as he takes a puff as well but doesn’t retort anything back. Instead, he simply switches the hand with which he holds his cigarette so he can wrap his arm around Jiseok’s shoulders to hold him close.
For a second, the older stills, but he quickly lets his shoulders relax, sighing while looking down at their feet. “‘m sorry. For everything…”
“You’ve been saying a lot of sorrys for the past few hours, y’know? We made a bet on how many times you’ll say it by the end of the night.” Jooyeon chimes playfully, grunting when the guitarist elbows his side.
“I’m trying to be mature and shit, can’t you people appreciate it?” Jiseok mumbles with a scoff, but he still lets out a laugh. It’s funny to think about it: they’ve all been at each other’s throats for almost a year and yet one random night after everything fell apart, here they are, back to being them.
“Ay~I know.” The bassist hums, caressing Jiseok’s hair gently then speaking into his ear. “I bet like fifty bucks with Jungsu you’ll say it twenty six times though, so if they ask…” He tries, apologizing with a grin when the other shoots him another death stare. And because he likes to see Jiseok’s dimples show whenever he tries to press his lips together just to not smile because he thinks Jooyeon is annoying even though he so obviously wants to, he blows air once into his ear.
After a few attempts of pulling away just to get pulled closer and have his head rest on Jooyeon’s shoulder, Jiseok puts his hands in his jacket in surrender. “It’s okay, really. It’s not like I was any better.” Jooyeon admits, fixing the older’s hair. “I missed you.”
The silver haired man looks up at his friend for a few seconds, before pulling away, walking towards the entrance. Jooyeon stares at him dumbfounded, heart dropping just a little as insecurity starts creeping up in his chest. He clears his throat, putting his cigarette down and decides to plaster a smile on his face, although he knows Jiseok is going to see right through it. “We still need to talk, though? You didn’t even say you missed me too!”
At that, Jiseok gives him a lopsided smile before turning his attention back to the door. “You said we can talk in my room.” The older rasps suggestively, glancing at him one last time before opening the door. “And I’d rather show you than tell you.”
The words take a few moments to fully register in Jooyeon’s brain, standing in the middle of the entrance with his mouth agape as his friend makes his way to the table. The bassist gets bumped by a couple entering the restaurant. “In your room, right. Show. Yes. I-” He clears his throat getting pulled out of his trance before making his way to the table.
Everyone knew, and if they had any doubts, the way Jooyeon’s face was a shade of hot red and Jiseok avoided everyone’s eyes was more than enough proof. They pretend they don’t see though, that they don’t notice the way they sit slightly closer so their knees brush. When they’re ready, they’ll say it.
Besides, there’s more pressing matters right now, such as “I say we try it next year.” Gunil offers, taking a sip from his drink, Jiseok’s eyes widening. “Okay look- I know the contest really took a toll on us this year but, if we can do it again and do it better this time, won’t it feel rewarding?”
“And what if we just go back to screaming matches and constant depression?” Seungmin frowns, not convinced by the drummer’s idea. “This guy pretty much told all of us to go fuck ourselves YESTERDAY.”
Jiseok raises his hand in defence as the younger squints at him, holding the half filled glass in the other. “Hey I did NOT say that!” The guitarist scoffs, shoulders slumping. “I still feel like…I don’t know…That maybe this isn’t for me.”
Jungsu purses his lips at the saddened look on the younger’s face, before speaking softly. “You might never get out of that, though. Isn’t it better to at least try to have some fun and make it more bearable?”
“Yeah, that’s why I said it too.” Gunil nods with wide eyes, searching for Jiseok’s eyes. “Back then we got into the contest to win, that’s why we ended up like this. Look, if the time comes and we don’t feel like it, we don’t go, but we can at least try.”
A small smile appears on Hyeongjun’s face at the familiar atmosphere he so painfully missed, nodding as well. “And if you still think you suck, we’ll just make Gunil play guitar to you for a bit.”
Everyone erupts into a fit of laughter, even Gunil whose complaints get muffled by the sound of his own laugh. “GUYS COME ON????”
Things aren’t fixed. Far from it. Jiseok still has his own worries, they still don’t know if they can truly and fully go back to the way they were, but they are so ready to try. No matter how many times they need to break and put themselves together, they know one thing: when one of them falls, there’s five people willing to bend their backs backwards to help in any way possible and if even that doesn’t work, they’ll still be there.
At the end of the day, this is what they’re fighting for. Them. The bond of six guys that are too different to agree on which movie to watch together but that at the same time, all have too much to say through music to let it go to waste.
THE END
@nineooooo @onedumbho3 @nomatterjoo
(this is not edited and proof read so apologies for that maybe some day i will get to it but pls be understanding it's like 32 pages kasjakd)
☆ halloween treat in the form of a standalone fic as a part of my kinktober event !
⌗ priest!jungsu x fem!reader
genre: smut w/ plot, taboo ( 18+ ) » 12.7k words
synopsis: curiosity is a dangerous thing. it’s the first spark that ever lit a fire. it’s what got eve in all kinds of trouble. it’s the reason why you and the young priest ever met, and keep meeting only for you to realise that the pull you feel has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with him
✎… DAY 29 / PRIEST KINK. slow burn, bold!reader, corruption kink, virgin!jungsu, unprotected sex, virginity loss, oral sex (f/m), praise kink, dacryphilia (they both cry), overstimulation, size kink, pet names, sexual fantasies and wet dreams, lots of dialogue | side characters: keeho (p1harmony) ; playlist: here
c.w ! blasphemy, bible verses, prayers, feelings of shame and guilt, mentions of cheating, loneliness and family issues | the reasons behind reader not believing in god are up to interpretation - can’t handle some of this content? don’t read it!
a.note ! special thank you to @chericherilvr for encouraging me to believe in my idea and to @alwayssizzlinggarden as known as my dear jungsu anon for being my beta reader till the end! this fic wouldn’t have happened without you ♡
One day you got worn down by your aunt’s endless praises of Father Kim Jungsu. Even your teenage cousins started nodding along and agreeing with her, saying he’s not like other priests.
So one Sunday you decided to tag along despite being skeptical of him - and Jesus Christ. You decided to slip inside the church out of curiosity; to see who’s the young man who has the entire town so fascinated.
One thing is for certain, you didn’t expect him to look like that… Warm, welcoming gaze, lips that moved patiently and intentionally, dark hair, stylishly done.
There was something quietly commanding about him. He had a powerful presence in the most modest, humble way, filling the room without demanding for attention. Yet, everyone around you was spellbound, clinging onto his words as candlelight shimmered across the church, giving him an almost magical glow.
Truthfully, it pissed you off.
Instead of going home feeling your curiosity met, your questions - answered, you walked out with a knot of irritation twisting in your chest. A sense of injustice almost.
It just didn’t feel fair. He wasn’t supposed to look like that - like the kind of man you’d spot at a party and want to lock lips with… like a face you’d see on a movie poster and imagine what the rest of his body looks like, naked.
Priests were supposed to be old and cold. Detached from the outside world. They have already lived a life and carry way more wisdom, after all. But he wasn’t old nor detached. He wasn’t safe. Surely not from your imagination and greed.
Against every bit of logic, you kept coming back.
You didn’t always understand what he preached and honestly you didn’t try to. What drew you wasn’t his theology, it was him. The way he spoke with such conviction. He was so devoted, it made you wonder if you were capable of devoting yourself and your entire existence to something… anything, really. It sounds kind of limiting and suffocating.
If you ever surrender like that, it wouldn’t be to a god you couldn’t see. It would be someone you can feel with your hands… whose heartbeat you can hear when you lay on his chest.
─── ♱
Next Sunday you stay unti the final blessing.
The congregation stands up, murmuring Amen in unison. Everyone moves slowly down the aisle for communion meanwhile you just wait, pretending indifference as mixture of rustling clothes and whispered prayers fill the air. One by one, they all approach him with open palms, and he greets each of them with the same gentle authority.
The Body of Christ. Amen. The Body of Christ. Amen.
You try not to stare at him as he stands at the front, chalice in one hand,, but you do - every gesture of his looks so calm yet as if it carries weight, it’s captivating. Tempting. Especially as the sunlight creeping in catches the edges of his black hair like a halo, making him seem ethereal and untouchable.
As the line thins, something pulls you forward. You wonder what it would be like to have him look at you that way too.
Your heartbeat quickens as you step closer to the altar, people nod and cross themselves in front of you.
And then, you’re standing before him. He looks up from the ciborium and your eyes meet; his are unreadable yet definitely not indifferent. Yours - restless and jittery. Suddenly the space feels unnaturally quiet… so quiet that you can hear the thud of your own heart, loud and insistent, like you’ve just been caught doing something you shouldn’t - at the wrong place and time - and now, it’s signaling you to run.
And maybe you have been caught red handed. You don’t stand here with any pure intentions.
“The Body of Christ.” He says steady. Automatic.
“Amen,” you whisper.
His hand moves forward, gaze landing on your mouth.
For a second you catch hesitation flashing in his eyes, but all you can do is stand still - you’re unsure what is expected of you to do or how to do it right. Somehow, your lips part anyway and he places the wafer on your tongue, not leaving you out of sight.
The gesture is nothing more than a ritual, but your breath catches like it holds a hidden meaning; your train of thought suddenly stutters as your mind tries to make sense of it… of why his hand movements make your skin hotter like they’re practicing magic.
The wafer dissolves almost instantly and you slowly open your eyes.
“May God bless you.” He says softly.
You step back, crossing yourself and walk away, lightheaded. The faint dryness that the wafer left on your tongue lingers weirdly, but you don’t hate it. There’s something hot rising inside you, distracting you from everything else - something that has no place there.
Not after you just went to church.
─── ♱
One Sunday, when mass ends, you decide to stay for a few minutes, just until the aisle clears, you tell yourself. The crowd spills toward the doors in a tide of polite chatter, your aunt among them, with the kind of smile she wears only on Sundays - when she believes the world is a little softer and more forgiving. She doesn’t even notice you’ve stayed behind. None of them do.
With crossed arms in front of your chest, you remain by the stained glass windows, like there’s something about the colors that has you too intrigued to leave just yet. You pin your eyes on the view, the light spilling across your skin in shades of gold and red, but truthfully you’re still chasing his voice.
You replay in your head the way he spoke earlier - confident, earnest, so alive… inspired, as though he built raw stories with hidden powers that could shift the world. But what you remember most isn’t the sermon, it’s the way he looked at people; like each face mattered. Including yours, and you don’t believe in anything.
“If you keep hanging around after mass,” the familiar voice calls out behind you, light yet enticing… uplifted by your presence, “I might think you’re converting and get excited.”
You turn to find him leaning back in one of the pews, perfectly at ease, with hands folded loosely as if this was the living room of his home and not a church heavy with candle smoke.
You let your eyes rest on him longer than you should. You think your expression is neutral, not sharpened by any emotions, but that’s far from the truth.
Father Jungsu knows what your aunt’s told him - that you don’t believe, that you sit through mass out of politeness, not faith. That you’re still “lost”, as if your doubts are a fever waiting for him to cure. She asked him directly once. “Please, guide her, Father. Make her listen,” she said, “you’re around the same age, after all. She’s going to trust you more than anyone else.”
He didn’t promise anything then, but he remembers her words. He tucked them away and kept you in mind each Sunday, not as a task or a project. He couldn’t stop noticing you anyway.
However, except disbelief, Jungsu recognizes something else in your eyes too. Curiosity? Restlessness? A quiet longing for something you haven’t named yet? Certainly, that’s not the gaze of someone who’s broken.
His lips curl slightly, but there’s no pity nor mockery behind the smile. He wonders what keeps pulling you back into a place you claim not to belong to. Maybe you don’t realise that you’re inching toward admitting your faults, or perhaps you’re simply demonstrating your provocation like a mischievous child.
“Why?” you finally break the silence. “My aunt and half the town already worship the ground you walk on.”
He tilts his head amused. “And what about you?”
The question lands lightly but his stare is so analysing, it holds you still.
“Worship isn’t something I’m interested in,” you reply at once; instead of matching his casual tone, your words come out defensive.
He chuckles, though - a reaction you did not expect. You’re taken aback by his laughter and how warm and unthreatening it sounds.
He shifts to the left, placing one palm beside him. “Sit.”
You blink at him, the weight of his command sinking in. As you settle next to him, suddenly you’re aware of his presence, his closeness… how magnetic it is despite the fact both of you are pretty much from two different worlds. Somehow, it makes you keep talking. It makes you want to push further.
“You just…” the thought slips out, “you don’t look like a priest at all.”
He laughs again, this time the easy sound makes your tummy tighten.
“Thank you.” He says, his eyes flickering discreetly as you adjust on the pew.
“That wasn’t a compliment,” you say flat.
“Honest…” Jungsu leans back, eyes still on you. “I like that.”
A brief pause comes between you and in that moment you realise that you can sense the faint scent of cedar coming from his body. Your neck warms up and you swallow thickly, forcing your eyes away from his collar.
Soon, he speaks, shifting your gaze back to him.
“But you should know… I worked hard to get here. The minimum age to become a priest is twenty-five years old. I was twenty-four when the bishop made an exception for me.”
“Oh…”
“I studied, I trained, I prayed… I made sure I was ready even if I was younger than the usual requirement.”
A faint spark of respect creeps in your chest despite yourself. “I didn’t expect all that,” you murmur.
“Well… it’s easy to underestimate someone because of physical appearance.”
Your lips curl a little bit as you shift to see him better. “So, let me get this straight… you’re younger than most priests, much younger… you’re better looking than all priests, and you’re wiser too?”
Jungsu rests an arm casually on the pew, speaking softer. “Wiser? That’s very generous.”
“Don’t pretend you heard half of what I just said,” you tease.
He suppresses a chuckle, then looks down at his lap. “As I said, I worked hard for it,” he says. “Discipline, study, prayer… and a lot of patience.”
You nod once, smirking with eyes upon his face. ”That’s all it takes to look like a movie star in a collar?”
The question makes him tilt in your direction and the air between you shifts. There’s a glint in his eyes as they hold yours, studying you in a way that makes your breathing slow.
The light mood of your teasing suddenly fades, replaced by something tense and heavy. His attention does that to you every time - when he catches your gaze across the pews, when he nods in greeting as he walks down the aisle… but this feels different now, dangerous. You hate that it scatters your thoughts, erasing every clever word you’ve ever known. You want to impress him, to show him that you’re sharp and confident.
“Looks alone don’t get you anywhere,” he says finally. His voice slips lower than usual, like it took him effort to push the words out.
He doesn’t wait for a response. Instead, he raises on his feet, emitting a small, short sigh.
“Why do you keep coming back?” He asks, narrowing his eyes at you.
You fake a shrug in order to hide the fact you were not prepared for such question. “Curiosity.”
Father Jungsu smiles faintly; it’s a kind of smile that reaches his mouth halfway. “Curiosity,” he repeats, perhaps taking the moment to gather his thoughts. “That’s a dangerous one. It’s… the first spark that lit a fire. It’s what got Eve in all sorts of trouble.”
“And Adam,” you add as yout stand up.
His grin stretches, delighted you’d spar with him. Then, he takes a step forward as his tone dips into that thoughtful almost musical cadence he creates when speaking about faith.
“Still, maybe it isn’t such a bad reason to return.”
For the first time your tone softens slightly cautious. “Do you think God would want people who question Him here?”
“Curiosity means you’re still searching. Don’t look at it like it’s an enemy of faith, but rather like… a doorway to it. After all, curiosity is also what brought Moses to the burning bush.”
You blink, caught off guard by the calm convinction in his voice. “I… don’t know what the burning bush is.”
His lips curve as though he half-expected that answer. “When Moses saw a bush on fire… but it wasn’t burning away. He went closer to see why and that’s when God first spoke to him.”
You nod slowly, obviously not touched by the story. But there’s something about the way he tells it - not preachy or superior. It stirs something uncomfortably warm in your chest. You glance away, back to the stained glass as light crawls across the floor, and you try to gather your thoughts.
Jungsu still watches you, you can feel it. It’s both comfort and intensity all at once.
“Maybe you haven’t found your burning bush yet,” he says carefully, “but that doesn’t mean you’re not welcome here.”
You turn to him, lips parting to say something, but his smile disarms you.
“Go in peace,” he says, then adds almost under his breath: “Even if peace isn’t what you’re looking for yet.”
─── ♱
Father Jungsu feels like a narcotic; one that enters your system slowly and quietly. With every encounter, it becomes harder to break the cycle that you never even considered to start. Now you can’t find a way out.
The thoughts of him linger, multiplying as Sundays draw closer. At night, you find yourself crying into your pillow, wishing he was like every other man you know - careless, cruel, easy to reach and even easier to forget. But he isn’t. He cares deeply; he looks at the world as if it still deserves kindness. When his eyes rest on you, they see you, they understand.
You can’t say the same for the few people around you.
You can’t help but wonder why. You can’t be the only one who believes there’s another unspoken reason for this connection. You can’t be the only one who senses there’s something else… something neither of you dares to name because naming it would break everything he’s built his faith upon, everything he’s fought to protect.
You can’t be imagining this all because you’re too caught up with your loneliness and desperation.
You know it’s love.
─── ♱
Your aunt is out of town for the weekend.
It’s Sunday and you have a text with an invitation to a party from one of your friends still unanswered on your phone; she tells you names of familiar people and popular boys who are going to be there, but you don’t care about any of them. You stare at it for a while before locking the screen.
Nobody would know if you skipped mass. But as the hour draws closer, you find yourself grabbing your coat and stepping out into the gray late morning. You tell yourself you’re only going because the church feels so suspended from the rest of the world, but that’s not the full truth.
You’re going for him.
It’s a strange feeling, but obsessive. During the week everything feels dull. The joy on your friends’ faces around you lately doesn’t settle on yours. Conversations don’t quite reach you and sometimes feel exhausting just like peoples’ laughter that echoes too loud in the cafes you go to.
But when you’re in his presence, something changes.
You stop feeling like an outline of your body and you feel… like you’re slowly coming back to life. You don’t feel entirely at peace or safe, but you feel awake. As if a drug slipped into your veins that reminds you that you can do anything… be something to someone.
It’s dizzying, the rush he brings you. Especially on days when it lingers for longer and you can’t help but touch yourself under the sheets of your bed to calm your mind that swirls with images of him.
Now, sliding into your usual seat near the back with his melodious voice threading through the air as he stands at the front, turning a page in the missal, your pulse revives.
The more you think about it the more you realise this rush, this need opening inside you, is also terrifying. However, maybe exactly that frightening thrill is exactly what keeps you coming back. Not faith. Just the forbidden adrenaline boost he gives you with a single look.
The forbidden want to love him and be loved by him.
After mass, when you rise, ready to head towards the doors, a hand lands on your shoulder.
You turn, startled.
“You! I didn’t know you go here!”
It takes you a second to recognise her - a girl from high school that you haven’t seen nor spoken to in years.
You nod silently, and she doesn’t even wait for you to say something. She starts talking, loud and too quickly. Her nosiness hasn’t changed nor her grin.
“I would’ve never guessed you’re religious,” she blurts, eyes flicking with intrigue. “When did this happen? What brough you here?”
Your mind blanks. You feel cornered, exposed. Like she’s trying to take something out of you without permission.
“Did something dramatic happen that suddenly made you find faith?” She laughs before catching herself. “Sorry, that sounded awful. I’m just surprised. You never seemed like the church type.”
You force a smile. “People change I guess.”
“Apparently,” she says still amused. “I remember you always partying, and…”
“Everyone finds their way here in their own time.”
His familiar voice cuts through the noise, calm and unshakably kind. “Every person in this house is a child of God, whether they come in seeking answers or simply comfort.”
His gaze flickers to you, carrying a kind of reassurance that feels like it’s meant just for you.
Your friend’s smile falters on the instant when she recognises him. “Father Jungsu,” she murmurs, suddenly polite. “I didn’t mean to… I was just surprised to see her here, that’s all. We used to go to the same high school.”
He offers her a patient smile. “That’s nice.”
“I should probably get going,” she says, tucking a strand of her hair nervously.
“Of course,” he nods. “Go in peace.”
She mumbles a quick goodbye, heading toward the exit.
You exhale a breath, glancing away. Now it’s just the two of you standing there in the echoing quiet.
“Thank you,” you murmur.
“You looked like you needed rescuing.” He turns to you, gaze landing steady upon you, but slightly softer than earlier.
“I think I did,” you say, feeling your heartbeat quickening beneath your coat the second you lock eyes.
Everyone has left the church - there’s stillness around you that has you instantly acknowledging the electricity that passes between you.
You remember there are rules and vows to look away, but you don’t.
Then, he clears his throat quietly, glancing to the side briefly. “Your aunt is not here today.” He leads you both toward the doors.
“She’s out of town. She comes back tonight.”
You step outside. He walks beside you, just a step behind, hands clasped loosely in front of him. The church doors close with a dull echo.
“I’m glad you still decided to come.”
You lift your gaze from the ground, meeting his.
For a moment Jungsu feels like he’s seeing you as unguarded as never before; like something in you softens beneath his stare. Your beautiful features shift, gentler as the seconds pass by, and suddenly he’s exploring everything you hide from the world.
In that instant, he knows… that he’s not looking at the version everyone else gets, - but the one who’s been quietly trying to hold herself together. The one you never let anyone else see. The one reserved just for him.
However, your eyes flicker with a light that unsettles him - a reminder of how fragile a human can be when faced with certain temptation. How sometimes the heart can start speaking a language of its own.
He swallows the unwelcomed thoughts, and forces his vision towards the trees, the stone benches… “You’ll catch a cold if you stay out much longer.”
You nod, but you still can’t move. It’s not the cold wind stiffening your bones… it’s you unable to bring yourself to leave his presence.
“Can we stay here for a little while?” You ask, voice quieter than you expected, but laced in hope.
His expression falters. “That wouldn’t be appropriate.” He says carefully.
Your brows furrow as the wind caresses your face. “Why?” The word escapes you, small and childlike. “Why would it be wrong to just sit here for a few minutes? I’m not asking for anything of you.”
Father Jungsu breathes in slowly, eyes lowering. “Because this place asks something of me.” His voice is edged with something you haven’t heard before from him. It seems like he recognises it too; his body begins to betray him. This time he speaks slower and more measured, like he wants you to memorise his words. “People come here to pray… not to confuse what they feel with something else.”
You can’t answer. You just hold onto the eye contact as the wind stirs between you, light but cold.
Confused? You’re not confused, not when it comes to him. That’s the problem.
“If you need to talk about something, you can always come by my office. I hold visiting hours every Wednesday.”
“I don’t need to talk,” you murmur, shaking your head slowly. “I just don’t want to go home… I don’t want to be alone right now.” You hesitate to look at him, so you trace the edge of his sleeve, his calm, straight posture. “You’re the only one whose company I enjoy lately…”
His gaze softens, painfully so, but he keeps the cautious distance between you. “That’s kind of you to say,” he replies quietly. “But you should go home now.” He gives you a faint smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “There’s a cold wind coming,” he adds and his tone slips almost pleading.
You get the urge to argue, to ask why it would matter so much if he stays by your side just for a few minutes… but you nod and turn to go.
As you walk away, his silthouette in the black robe is still standing there, unmoving when all he wanted is to reach for you.
The party is already loud and in full swing when you arrive. You know almost everyone, so you keep nodding and forcing smiles as you drift between small groups. Someone hands you a drink and you accept although you’re not in the mood for it. You take a few sips out of habit.
A familiar voice calls your name across the room, your friend waves you over.
By the time you make your way there, someone gets up from the couch, leaving a space right next to Keeho - the guy you used to work with at the pizza place last summer. You took orders over the phone, he made the deliveries, and the two of you made out behind the building during breaks. It never led to anything serious, not even sex; it was just something to spice up the long summer nights.
He drapes an arm casually along the back of the couch as you sit with your drink still in hand.
“For a second I thought you weren’t coming.” He says.
“Well, I’m here.”
“Thank God,” he flashes his brows at you, a grin tugging at his lips.
As the conversation rolls on, his hand keeps finding its way on your thigh, just resting there long enough to make his intentions clear.
When you’re halfway through your drink, he leans in, alcoholic breath brushing your ear. “This place is getting loud. Wanna see if upstairs is quieter?”
“That’s the best you could do?” You arch a brow.
“I didn’t need pick up lines last summer,” he laughs, unbothered.
That’s true.
He stands up, offering you a hand, and you take it.
Things escalate quickly - Keeho never wastes time; with him everything happens fast.
But as he touches you up and down, eagerly pushing your dress to your waist, something inside your mind switches. Another face flickers in the dark behind your eyelids. It’s not Keeho’s voice whispering at your ear.
Your brain works slower from the alcohol in your system, but it’s awake enough to call for him. The image of him that lately has been perminent in your mind creates some sick illusion in the warmth of this room, making every move, every breath and kiss mismatched.
His enticing eyes. His rousing voice. His collar. The line of his throat. His fingers… the way they trace the sign of the cross with such practiced grace, you could almost feel them on your skin, making their way up your inner thighs. All of these fragments send jolts of pleasure through you as Keeho invades your walls with a steady push.
You imagine Jungsu’s lips curving against your neck, calling you good. Eyebrows scrunched up in pleasure as he praises you like no one has ever done before. Your pussy is heaven, he’d say.
You don’t even try to escape it.
You let yourself sink into this fantasy, imagining it’s his weight pressing against you every time your arms tighten around Keeho’s shoulders.
They’re built similarly, or so you tell yourself. You can easily picture Father Jungsu at the gym, it’s probably one of his few interests as he’s the kind of man who believes discipline of the body keeps the mind healthy. In your imagination, his movements are rhythmic and hypnotic, like the way his knuckles tighten around the chalice, making you hold your breath until they relax again; his lean muscles flex and glisten under sweating slick skin… and he breathes heavy, but steady as he pushes through another rep. And you wish you could devour him. Tongue licking every part of him, every droplet of sweat and arousal. Teeth sinking into warm flesh.
A choked moan slips out of your mouth. That provokes Keeho to move faster, glancing down between your bodies as you pulse harder from the powerful creations of your imagination.
Your fingers rub circles on your clit as if they’re his.
Come for me, he’d say as you get pushed toward the edge. Come… sinful girl.
With his voice echoing in your head, his name between your teeth, you shake through your orgasm, head pressed back into the pillow.
The euphoria lasts a few seconds, and then… you feel hollow, empty. And you want to go home.
That’s when you realise how much has changed.
─── ♱
Jungsu sits at his desk, hands clasped tightly, lips moving in prayer that sounds more like a confession rather than a recitation.
“Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner,” he whispers. “Forgive me if I have failed You… in thought, in word… in silence.”
The rosary slips between his fingers before he catches it again. His palms are sweating. His collar feels too tight, his throat dry.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God.” He runs his thumb over the beads, pressing hard like penance. “Strengthen what is weak in me. Let Your will, not mine, be done.”
He draws in a long breath, but peace doesn’t come.
The stillness of his office feels heavy, pressuring, as though the walls are watching and listening. Like they know.
That sometimes he keeps his sermons short because he wants to talk to you. That sometimes he says things that aren’t meant for the room, but for your ears only.
That he notices the way you fold your hands, the way you bite your lip when you don’t understand the meaning of a word. That he has the exact shade of that red dress you wear beneath your coat memorised, the one that only ever appears when you’re feeling braver. It’s the shade of terror. The color of the need crawling under his skin when he thinks of you. The color staining everything when you visit him in his dreams - completely bare, exposed in all your glory… in his dreams you always smile at him, triumphant and alluring, like you’re a holy fire that he’s about to kneel for.
When he wakes up, it aches. This morning he almost lost control; he’s never felt so desperate and unstable in his life. Fortunately, he managed to endure, then he went for a run to clear his head a little bit.
They know, and they see it - the invisible thread pulling tight each time your eyes meet across the space between you.
Then, comes a knock at the door. Hesitant, and somehow unmistakable.
He doesn’t need to ask - he knows who it is. He can feel you in the air… your presence, your heat, your perfume, your quiet longing.
At first when he met you for the first time, he felt a spark. A small, innocent one, the kind of spark you get when you meet someone intriguing. But he didn’t expect that spark to quickly grow… so rich, so blinding.
He smooths the front of his black shirt, then opens the door.
There you are, standing in the front of the hallway, coat damp from the drizzle outside. Your breath is uneven, your eyes instantly darting past him toward the small crucifix on the wall.
“Hi,” you say quickly. “Sorry, I know it’s late. I just… needed to ask you something if that’s okay.”
He steps aside without hesitation. “Of course. Come in.” His hand silently invites you on the chair across from his desk.
“I wanted to ask about… confession,” you say, twisting fingers together. “As you can probably guess already, I’ve never done it before and… I don’t know how it goes. Are there any… rules? Limits? Things you aren’t supposed to say.”
“There aren’t limits. Confession isn’t about rules, it’s about honesty.”
“Even if it’s about… sex?”
Jungsu’s expression subtly shifts; there’s an unreadable tension darkening his eyes, and the flickering of the lamp only makes it more evident. “Yes,” he answers. “You can tell God anything.”
“And you’re there…” you lower your gaze, voice dipping softer, “listening.”
He nods. “But I’m only a witness. Everything passes between you and Him.”
You wonder if he really believes he could be just a witness to you.
You shift in your seat, taking a few seconds to calm your stirring emotions. Rubbing palms against your thighs, you remind yourself you don’t have to do this. He doesn’t have to know. After all, you don’t feel guilty for your feelings or desires.
But this… this isn’t just lust anymore. You’re in love. And it’s the quiet, terrifying kind of love that’s been building without your permission. You also feel admiration, not just for who he is, but for how he makes you want to be better… for the way he sees you even when you don’t want to be seen.
And now, standing here with your heart trembling in your chest, you know - if you want to be loved back, you’ll have to tell him everything.
“Uhm…” you force a chuckle as nerves cripple at your neck. “This is going to sound silly, but… can we practice here for a minute?” You finally dare to look at him only to see that his expression has changed again. It’s not cold or disapproving, but it’s definitely sharper. “I don’t think I’m ready yet, but I’d like to know what it feels like.”
Just now, you realise he’s not wearing his vestments, only the black clerical shirt and slacks, sleeves neatly buttoned at the wrist. The small square of white at his throat draw your eyes like a magnet, simple yet hard to look away from.
He stands up and carefully moves his chair next to yours. He sits, hearing you take a deep breath. The sound as well as the sudden closeness makes his pulse stutter. His broad shoulders tense.
“Just be honest,” he manages, hands folding slowly as he looks at the crucifix. “What weighs on your heart?”
You lower your gaze to your lap as your lips part, but it takes a moment for the words to find their way out. By the time you speak, your mouth has gone dry. “I feel lost… and lonely most of the time. I have friends, but it’s like I’m there without really… being there. I don’t fit anywhere anymore.”
His lips press into a thoughtful line. The silence is free of any pressure, but it hums with something else. Nonetheless, you go on, as it gives you more courage.
“Ever since I started coming here,” you continue, your voice tighter, but honest. “I’ve been feeling… alive. I haven’t felt like this in such a long time.” The words pull themselves from somewhere deep inside you, and it starts to make breathing easier. “The thing is… It’s not because of God. I don’t know if I believe or not.”
He manages a small nod.
“It’s because of you, Father…”
“You don’t have to call me Father if you don’t…”
“No, I want to,” you’re quick to reassure him, desperate to show your growing devotion to him. “I believe in you, Father.” Then, you risk a glance at him.
He doesn’t look at you back. His eyes flicker away in an opposite direction as he takes a breath; a breath of restraint that hides behind many things including fear.
Soon, he forces a faint smile. “If you see something good here it’s not mine to claim.”
“Can I ask you a question?” you keep your gaze on him.
“Yes, you can.”
“Why is it,” you murmur, sitting straight again, “that if you look close enough, you can find the physical kind of love in almost everything? Art, literature, in myths… even in religion. It’s like it’s everywhere.”
Jungsu stills, eyes unfocused for a moment. He’s always had an answer for everything, but now his silence feels purposeful. The pause between you buzzes, and your pulse falters as you wait for whatever might come next.
Finally, he speaks: “That’s… the oldest language we have for creation.” He swallows, as if steadying himself, chasing the rest of his thought before it slips away. “Before there were words, there was touch. Before prayer, there was longing… to be joined with something greater than yourself.”
“I like the sound of that,” you say softly, resonating with his words.
Jungsu’s throat tightens as he swallows again. He feels heat slowly crawling up his neck and he fixes his gaze back on the wall across from him.
“I’m pleased to hear it,” he nods. “Would you like to continue?”
You agree, drawn to the slow cadence of his careful voice.
“Two nights ago I went to a party where I slept with someone,” you admit, steady and calm. “We had sex and…” your tone stutters at the end and you take a brief pause.
A shadow of concern crosses Jungsu’s face. Anticipation settles in his stomach as he fights something dark threatening to spill where it’s supposed to be nothing.
You draw a breath that barely reaches your lungs. “I’m just going to say it.” You exhale, eyes fluttering shut. “The entire time… all I could think about was you. I was picturing you… because I kept wishing it was you touching me, not him. I’ve been thinking about you, Father… so much it hurts.”
You slowly open your eyes. There’s heavy silence.
Jungsu folds his hands firmly, murmuring a quiet prayer for guidance. God, grant me the words to help without failing in my duty…
“Even now,” you continue, voice unsteady as suddenly your thoughts flicker faster than you can catch them, “I wish you were holding me in your arms, I… I want you. I’ve never felt this way before for anyone.”
The confession hangs between you, spreading heat in the air, melting the edges of reason. Until all that’s left are the suffocating, corrupting feelings.
There are some sentences and prayers hovering on Jungsu’s tongue, but the fire rising in his body makes it hard to think, hard to breathe. When his lips finally part, his brows furrow, like he doubts every word that crosses his mind right now.
“You said you believed in me,” he says slowly, but there’s slight roughness in his voice that gives it away - that he could raise it higher if he was allowed to. “Why didn’t you seek my guidance when you were struggling to find peace in your thoughts?”
“Because I knew thatt if I came to you, I’d want more than just a conversation,” you admit, honest. “I would’ve wanted… everything. Your comfort, your kiss, your touch, all of it.”
It’s the truth, and saying it out loud feels like tearing a wound open, but it’s also satisfying. The hunger that’s taken root inside you has grown so strong it keeps you awake at night, pulsing between your legs at every thought that has to do with him.
“I thought that if I looked for relief somewhere else, the desire might finally leave me alone,” you continue, but then… the thought of him believing you could ever choose someone else over him makes you sick. Before the silence stretches too far, you add almost desperately: “But it didn’t help. It only made me realise how real this is… what we have between us. It can never go away. Father, I—”
“Stop.”
The command lands like a whisper, but your stomach still turns.
Jungsu finally turns to you, his eyes dark in disbelief and something dangerously close to longing. He notices it - the absence of shame. The lack of guilt and regret in your confession. If anything, this lifted something heavy off your chest.
You’re a sinner.
And when it comes to him… he feels like he’s slowly going mad. His mind begins to swirl with thoughts he could never dress in holy language no matter how hard he tries.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.” His words are almost forced, as if he’s trying to convince himself as much as you.
“I thought we are practicing for my confession.” You say, not breaking eye contact. “So I’m confessing.”
His pulse skitters as his temperature increases from your gaze alone. Your yearning, no—your greed, lands warm and provoking, digging a wound straight into his soul.
He utters your name softly, holding onto the last bits of patience he has left. “You know this… whatever this is… can’t happen.”
“But it’s real. I know what I feel.”
Jungsu exhales shakily, his head drops low.
You eyes drift to his lap; his hands are trembling against the rosary beads, betraying everything he’s trying to hold back.
Slowly, you reach for him. Your fingertips graze his knuckles in a quiet attempt to steady him. “You’re shaking.”
The tension in his jaw, the restraint in his shoulders… it’s almost painful to watch. It’s as if every muscle in his body is working against his instincts.
“You’re tempting a man of God.” He says in an agonised voice.
“You make love sound like a sin.”
He finally turns to you; his breath escapes as his lips part. “You have sinned.” The words leave his mouth sharp, like an accusation.
“Maybe,” you reply, tone calm. “But I don’t feel guilt about it.”
The simplicity of your response catches him off guard. There’s uncertainty in his eyes as he searches your face for remorse and finding none.
His fingers twitch beneath yours, caught between wanting to grip your hand and forcing himself not to.
Then, you say: “You can touch me.”
Upon hearing this, Jungsu’s eyes drop to your mouth. And they rest there, observing the appealing color and shape.
“I would love for you to touch me,” you whisper, entrancing him even more with the way your lips move.
In that moment, something stirs in his stomach before settling below his belt. The feeling isn’t entirely unfamiliar, but it’s tied to other emotions - shame, guilt, fear. Nevertheless… a brief touch wouldn’t be so bad, right?
A brief touch, he tells himself. He’ll touch you only for a second. That’s all he needs - just a second to feel your skin, your warmth.
Finally, for the first time, he reaches toward you.
His hand slips from your palm, then slowly lifts to your face, brushing fingertips against your skin. The contact sets every nerve in his body on fire, and that heat pulls him closer.
You’ve never known comfort quite like this - the rough warmth of his palm tracing the side of your face, slowing until your breath matches the rhythm of his touch. Your head tilts, surrendering to it, your whole body easing as if it finally remembers what love feels like.
Your eyes flutter shut and Jungsu swallows thickly; his mouth waters in a way that has little to do with the thirst for salvation he should be feeling.
Before he can resist, his thumb brushes your lips; touch that feels both featherlight and enough to part them slightly open.
When he speaks, his voice is so small and weak, that it doesn’t feel like it’s his own. “This… doesn’t feel right.” Yet, he presses down on your lower lip, cherishing the view of your teeth, your tongue bold enough to flicker out and wet his thumb.
Your gaze lifts up. There’s a new light in his eyes, a quiet steadiness.
“Then… what does it feel like?” You ask softly.
Jungsu takes a moment. Because how do you name something that feels both ruin and relief?
“It feels,” he murmurs, hand shifting below your jawline, “dangerously close to it.”
“Keep going,” you say, pulse skittering as he slowly leans in, “please…” you trail off, getting dizzier in the charged air between you. His touch slides to explore the line of your neck, warming you up further.
Jungsu knows he should turn away.
But his body’s instincts are stronger in this internal battle, and before he can stop himself, his mouth touches your cheek - not for a kiss, but a light touch, so he can gain a little taste.
He lets out a blissfull sigh; the drags of his lips are slow, measured, as desire and reason twist within him. “You’re ruining me,” he mutters against your skin, tone laced in desperation. “You don’t realise the damage you cause me.”
His lips are soft, lingering so tender and warm. They move lower, studying you, caressing you as your breathing picks up excitedly. “You’re here to plague me,” he continues near your ear.
He can smell your perfume, the scent of your lotion creeping through your heat. It makes his body react - his manhood thickens, pressing against the placket of his pants.
As if you can feel the fire looming in him, your hand slides along his thigh - not so much to comfort him, but to encourage him to surrender. “I long for you… every day.”
Jungsu breathes shakily as he presses his forehead against yours. Suddenly, he cups your face with both hands, like he’s about to kiss you, the cold beads brush your skin. “We have to pray,” he says, his voice rising a notch though unstable. There’s some kind of noise buzzing non-stop in his head, as if Satan himself is whispering at his ear.
Your palm rubs against his thigh, drawing light patterns in the direction where you can guess he’s pulsing for your touch.
His large hands stay on you, steady and unyielding, as his breath fans warmly across your face. He keeps you close as if he’s afraid you might slip away, even while every part of him screams to release you.
And then… the space between you disappeares - his lips press against yours, light and unrushed; like a silent confession of everything he can’t say out loud. A kiss so soft and brief it feels like a plea.
When he pulls back, his grip tightens, grounding you where you are. His voice slips, more controlled yet still weak at the edges. “Please take away my guilt and wipe my slate clean with the blood of Jesus Christ…”
It’s hard to focus on everything he’s saying, though. Your thoughts are still tangled somewhere in the lingering warmth he left on your lips. It’s dizzying, the way something so gentle can feel so immense - especially when you’ve been dreaming of it night after night.
Mid-prayer and with no hesitation, you kiss him back. A moment passes as your lips stay on his mouth and Jungsu allows it. He holds your warm face in his hands, drowning in the thrill of your touch.
He doesn’t understand it, but his knees weaken, his chest tightens… and that throbbing ache, the one that woke him up this morning after he saw you in his dream, returns, fluttering in his core. It’s like you shifted the rhythm of his whole body with just a single touch.
“I am a sinner in need of my Savior…” he continues after you detach to breathe in.
“We don’t need to…” you try to tell him, but he doesn’t hear it.
His voice is hushed and quick as if that’s going to help him escape the depraved lust washing over him.
With foreheads resting against one another, you ghost one hand over his slacks, fingers brushing his prominent boner. The on-going prayer falters as a stuttering moan crawls out of his throat. The sound enters your mouth, so sweet, you immediately want to hear it again.
For a moment you’re so focused on the different changes in his voice that you don’t realise when his hand, wrapped in the rosary, shifts to your waist.
Your eyes, glossy with desire, peer into his dark gaze in a frenzy as the beads disappear under your sweater. His fingertips travel up your back, bringing goosebumps across your skin. Your breath comes out in shutters at the way he caresses the curve of your spine, beads sliding down your figure while his lips slow the rhythm.
You can taste the insatiable desire, the need for pleasure and love on his tongue as the phrases unfold slowly, voice barely audible, almost matching the easy pace of his fingers exploring your bare skin.
Your temperature is heightened, a warm slickness seeping through the fabric of your panties when the final word finally comes, soft like an exhale. Amen.
When your eyes meet, it feels like the world suddenly tilts, like everything outside this office feels so far away… and too cold in comparison to the space between you that’s warm and electric.
The echo of his touch burns on your skin when he pulls his hand, glancing away.
The clench of your heart when you see him rise to his feet is unspeakable. The warmth of the moment collapses into the distance now stretching between you.
He speaks with his back to you, because he’s afraid that facing you will undo whatever resolve he somehow managed to finally build. “You don’t need to be perfect to be forgiven. God hears honesty… before anything else.”
For a long breath there’s only silence. Then, his tense shoulders rise and fall as though even the air inside the room is troubling him.
He turns, but his eyes never make it to your face; they hover somewhere near the floor, guilty and hesitant. When he lifts a hand to trace the sign of the cross, you know - you have to leave.
─── ♱
The rain greets you cold and unrelenting as you step out of the restaurant. In your rush to escape the scene that unfolded at the table, the judgemental murmurs you left behind, you forget to grab your coat.
You love the rain; it soothes and clears your mind, but not tonight. You can still see it - your aunt, half-hidden beneath the awning, kissing passionately another man that isn’t your uncle. Twenty minutes later, she returns to your table with a steady smile, explaining it away as an urgent work call.
The woman who preached virtue and family daily.
Your mind barely catches up as you walk fast, dress clinging wet to your body as each step leads you closer to the only person you can think of… the only one worth holding on to.
Father Kim Jungsu.
You don’t how much time passes, but before you know it, you see his window, glowing in the night with a faint yellow light.
You don’t even think about it - you run up the steps, heart pounding, and you ring the bell.
When the door opens, the warm light spills out over your figure - drenched, shivering, breathless. On the other hand, he’s standing there, wearing a soft, dark gray sweater and blue denim jeans - casual, relaxed and so ordinary. It makes him even more… real and present.
“I’m sorry,” you breathe as you glance away from his eyes widened from distress. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
Instantly, his expression shifts from many emotions washing over him all at once. Confusion, concern, apprehension… something softer.
“It’s all right,” he says, stepping aside to let you in. “You’re safe here.”
The door clicks shut behind you and the world outside - the rain, the noise, your aunt… all fade into a distant blur. Then, his calm voice speaks, anchoring you.
“Take your time.”
He moves quietly, slipping into the next room and returning with a zip-up hoodie, just a few shades lighter than his sweater.
When you hesitate, caught mid step, he steps close behind you, guiding your arms into the sleeves.
“You’re soaked,” he murmurs with a low, soft voice. “Come, sit if you need to.”
You sink into one of the kitchen chairs, your muscles finally relaxing in the comfort of his hoodie.
Jungsu hands you a towel, then proceeds moving around the small space, glancing back at you. “Would you like something to drink?” he asks. Now, his voice is slightly more tense, but still carrying that undertone of care you learned to love.
“Whatever you have,” you reply. “Thank you.”
He nods, pouring a cup of milk from the fridge, then sets it carefully on the table in front of you. The gesture is simple yet it feels intensely personal, and your chest flutters.
Jungsu lingers near the counter, eyes flicking toward you every now and then, silently checking if you’re okay. He watches you slowly lift the cup to your mouth, and it’s like for a moment time itself slows around you. When you take a sip, he swallows, mirroring you without thinking. He watches the small tilt of your head, the soft exhale that follows when you place the cup back to its place. He watches you lick your lips, and his mouth waters as he remembers their softness… how they welcomed his tongue with ease.
He turns his gaze, ashamed of the thoughts he cannot seem to quiet; disgusted with himself for thinking of anything other than the fact that you’re hurting.
“Better?” he asks finally.
You nod, pressing the towel against your chest before running it slowly down your leg. “We went out for dinner, family friends and all,,” you begin; the event already feels like a distant memory, but you can’t tell if that’s a good or a bad thing. “At one point, she excused herself and didn’t come back for… twenty minutes. So I went to check on her, and…” you pause, exhaling shakily, “she was with someone.”
“Your aunt?” he asks, though he already knows the answer. Nothing else could have left you this shaken.
“Yeah,” you let out a soft, unsteady laugh, looking down as you grip the towel. “I’ve never seen her smile like that.”
Jungsu lets out a slow breath, crossing his arms as he moves to the other side of the room. He stops near the darkened window, shoulders tense.
You swallow hard before continuing. “She looked so happy. Living an entirely different life behind my back.” You pause again as the hurt twists deeper. “All this time she preached to me about sin, purity and honesty… and she’s been cheating on my uncle.”
Your voice cracks and the rest of your sentence breaks off.
Jungsu turns immediately at the sound, all of his hesitation gone. The sight of you trying to stop your tears pulls him forward before he can even think; the distance between you closing in an instant.
He’s beside you before you can look up, crouching slightly to meet your eyes. “People fail,” he says softly, as if speaking too loudly might shatter what’s left of you.. “Even the ones who teach us not to.”
You press a hand to your face, trying to stop the shaking. “I don’t care that she’s seeing someone. It’s the lies… everything I believed just—”
The tears come fast, heavy, spilling past your fingers.
Jungsu reaches out, wrapping fingers around your wrist, gently pulling it away from your face. His thumb brushes against your cheek, catching them as they keep coming.
“I don’t understand,” you choke out.
“You don’t have to make sense of it rght now,” he whispers. “Just breathe.”
But you can’t. You gasp with an aching sound, the towel slipping to the floor.
Jungsu pulls you close, your face pressing into his chest. His sweater smells faintly of detergent, and you cry harder - deep, painful; the kind that comes when you’ve been holding too much inside for too long.
Kneeling in front of you, he circles your waist. His arms are steady and patient, holding you together while you fall apart. For a while, there’s only the sound of your sobs, echoing in the small kitchen.
When your breathing finally starts to calm, he tilts his head upon the quiet sound of your voice; it’s hoarse, lower than usual…broken in a way that makes his throat close.
“It’s always the same. I keep hoping, but…” you pause, feeling him tighten his hold on you. “Everyone lies… It hurts.”
This is when it hits him the hardest - the flash of anger, sharp and sinful in his chest. He’s not supposed to feel like this. He’s always been taught that anger is pride in disguise, that judgment isn’t his to hold. But he’s angry.
He’s angry at the people who broke you like this. He hates that you’re sitting here, crying because the ones you trusted most chose deceit. And worst of all, he hates that he’s angry.
His hand moves gently along your back as your tears soak through his sweater. He wants to promise you that he’ll keep all the pain away from you, that he’ll make it right somehow, but he knows he can’t.
And yet… he can’t stop the tought burning inside him. If God won’t protect you, he will.
“You don’t deserve any of this,” he mutters, rough but quiet. “They don’t get to hurt you like that.”
You pull back, your eyes finally meet. His words hang between you like a prayer and a promise at once.
There’s a tremor behind his gaze. He’s fighting the part of him that feels too much, that wants too much, and doesn’t know if that makes him a sinner or simply a human.
For a moment you can’t speak. The man who inspires devotion in a room full of strangers now kneels before you. And there’s flicker of protectiveness in his eyes, of frustration at himself for not being able to shield you from the world.
He lifts a hand toward you, wiping a tear from your cheek with his thumb as your heart keeps thudding against your ribs; the gesture a vast contrast to the evident tension in his jaw.
“If I could take it from you, I would,” he says. “All of it.”
You look at him, really look, and you realise it - despite all his faith and restraint, he’s just as lost right now as you are.
“I know,” you whisper, nodding once. Your eyes are hot and heavy, half-lidded as you take in how beautiful he is.
His eyes flick downward for half a second, like he’s silently asking for strength or forgivness.
However, he drags his fingetips along your leg instead - slowly, from your ankle to your knee.
You’re not wearing tights, and his breath falters at the nice feeling of your bare skin, the edge of your white cotton sock brushing against him. It all sends a shiver down his spine he can’t disguise.
He angles his head and his lips trace a slow, deliberate path upward, making your skin prickle. Parting them just enough, he drags them up your inner thigh, trailing warm, open mouthed kisses.
His hands find your hips, fingers curling around the fabric of your dress as his mouth moves more fluently.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes into the softness of your thigh.
You stay silent. You’re not sure who he’s apologising to - you, himself or God who’s supposed to be in the room with you right now.
You swallow hard, feeling your body flush with heat as his tongue grazes your plush flesh.
The way his heavy breathing gets closer and further between your legs sends a tingling sensation to your core, and you bite the corner of your lip, unable to stay still anymore.
“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice dropping half a note, tender in a way that has your tummy swirling. “You’re so devastatingly beautiful… I don’t want to see you hurt.”
When he lifts his gaze, your heart almost stops beating from the gleam inside it, a mixture between hunger and affliction. For a breathless second you’re certain you’re dreaming, that you’re only imagining his words, his touch, but the warmth spreading through you as he draws you closer says otherwise.
His hands lift up the hem of your dress, revealing the most intimate parts of you. The view of your panties has him swallowing thickly as you spread your legs for his stare. Before you can say anything, he plants an open mouthed kiss just above the waistband, then another one, even more sensual and slow - on your clothed clit.
Then, his tongue dips out slowly, dragging up your folds.
Peering through your lashes, you watch his eyes flutter shut, unfamiliar lust radiating off him like perfume the more he allows his tongue to move. You feel it lick again, then again, flattening, grinding in the center of your folds, tasting, exploring this new and thrilling territory.
A small sound of bliss escapes him before Jungsu can stop it, his throat going dry as he can feel a certain wetness starting to form. His lips suck through the barrier, making every muscle in your body draw tight like a bowstring.
You let out a breathy moan just before he pulls back to see the darkening fabric. He stares at it with heavy eyes, then gently presses his fingertips to feel it, immediately looking up as you whine at the motion.
You’re completely mesmerised by the way he looks at you.
“I want to make you feel better,” he says, applying light pressure as he strokes up and down. When he bumps into your clothed entrance he can almost feel it pulse as he watches how your body responds. “I want to make you feel good.”
Within a minute, your underwear is gone, your fingers tangled in his dark hair as you slouch in the chair. Every drop of arousal that leaks out of your cunt is devoured like a sweet nectar, the sloppy motions sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.
“So sweet… you taste unreal.” Jungsu gasps in between your puffy folds, enjoying the way you tremble, legs shaking around him with each roll of his tongue. “I can’t believe how sweet you are.”
In awe, he cannot stop whispering praises directly into your heat. The fan of his excited breath makes your stomach knot tighter while one of his hands removes your socks to massage your feet.
“I’m… so c-close…” you whimper, hips slightly rolling against his face. “Please…”
Your shaky voice has Jungsu detaching his lips, reddish and shiny with your slick. His eyes darken in a way you’ve never seen before as he takes in the sight of your dripping pussy, your small hole fluttering.
“Everything about you is so pretty,” he murmurs, inhaling your scent as he quickly leans in again, capturing your sensitive bud; he sucks and twirls around it, making your spine arch in pleasure.
His hands shift back to your hips to steady you. The tip of his tongue swirls deliberately as he carefully studies your body language, memorising every action that makes you shudder, squirm and moan louder.
Feeling him bring a finger to your entrance, you grip the table with one hand for support. He only traces up and down, too wary to push into it.
“Put it in,” you plead, tugging at his sweater. You’re too drunk on the rush to consider what he might think of you for asking so shamelessly. “Father, please… I need it.”
In an instant, Jungsu slips through your walls to meet your request - patient, slowly stretching the area while giving you what you need to near ultimate pleasure. The grief on your face still lingers in his mind and now every movement he makes carries a quiet promise - that you won’t have to feel that way anymore. He wants to replace every tear you shed with warmth instead.
“Fuck—” your head lulls backwards.
And he can’t quite grasp it… how incredibly rousing he finds you like this - spread wide open, cursing freely, choking on your words like he’s draining the air from your lungs. All for him - a man of the cloth.
But that’s not exactly how you see him, is it? You see past that - past the collar, the discipline and his calm exterior.
He begins moving his digit inside you, back and forth. It feels so hot and tight, he inhales sharply as something in his own core pools. “Like this?” he asks, glancing at you with glazed over eyes.
You nod twice, unable to do any other movement except rock into his touch, urging him deeper and faster. “Yes, just like that…” Then, unknowingly, your other hand reaches out, caressing the side of his face.
Your toes curl in the air the moment he dives back in, tongue moving in a faster rhythm this time. Below, you begin to throb hard, like you have a second heartbeat. Your moans of pleasure echo in the air, growing high pitched by the second.
Captivated by the state of enrapture you’re falling into, Jungsu smoothly pushes one more finger inside you, making you mewl at the wider stretch. His head moves side to side, tongue applying the perfect friction on your sensitive spot as his spit dribbles down your cunt.
“I’m gonna—” your breath hitches, your eyes squeezing shut.
Jungsu keeps his tongue rolling, savoring the taste of your arousal.
The pulsing around his fingers as they rub your walls intensifies when you cry out, going completely rigid for a moment - only to quiver against his mouth once the rush buzzes through you. His free hand roams along your thigh as your legs close around his head - not to stop you, but to silently assure you that he’s got you.
The kitchen is silent for a while; there’s warm thickness that doubles as you both acknowledge what you have just done.
Jungsu straightens his back, face decorated with a tint of pink blush. The same hand that brought you on your orgasm stops to rest on his thigh, unsure what follows next.
That’s when you notice the bulge, trapped by the confines of the denim.
You guide your foot forward, rubbing in light patterns; your mouth waters as you picture how flushed and hard he must be.
Jungsu can only stare down helplessly. So many perverted images flood his mind, all revolving around you; images he shouldn’t be welcoming in his head let alone consider.
But he allows them to unfold. A rush of precum leaks from his cockhead, staining his underwear.
“Thank you for taking care of me.” You murmur softly, moving back your foot.
You catch an uneven breath leave his mouth as he fails to meet your eyes. So you stand up, still in his zip-up hoodie. “I should go,” you hear yourself utter.
However, a firm grip around your arm stops you from taking another step.
In a matter of seconds, Jungsu raises to his feet, pressing you against the edge of the wooden table. His mouth, warm and glistening under the light, captures your lips. His hands cup your face, securing you in place as his thumbs brush your cheeks stained with dried tears.
He’s never felt this kind of hunger before - the kind that burns through reason as you moan between his sensual kisses.
He refuses to loosen his grip when you tug at his belt, unbuckling it with swift movements; the clink of metal rings out in the othewise silent kitchen.
Soon, his cock springs free, bouncing up toward his abdomen. When he pulls back, exhaling deeply from the addictive taste of your lips, he looks down, eyes widening at how close your hand is.
The desire overpowers the feeling of trepidation, and he makes no move to stop you.
The sexual frustration is dizzying as he watches you wrap fingers around his erection, stroking with a confident yet gentle motion. His jaw falls slack, breath hitching as you don’t shy away from repeating the steady movements, magnifying the heat curling inside him.
“It’s my turn to take care of you, now…” you whisper lovingly near his trembling lips. You wish you can memorise every small twitch his face makes for you in this current moment, so handsome and rapturous. “Has another girl ever touched you like this before?” you ask at once.
You bring your fist higher, smearing the collected precum along his length. The uninterrupted action pulls out a long, desperate moan out of him before he shakes his head, exhaling a small no.
Relief blooms in your chest as you realise he’s never had something even close to this with anyone else. It’s you and only you. The thought makes your heart swell with warmth and contentment.
This moment, this connection… it’s entirely yours.
Before he can stop himself, with palms still on your face, Jungsu starts panting your name. His brows knit together, sweat begins to trickle down his temple as he feels himself losing all composure because of your experienced touch.
Your eyes do not leave him out of sight, he looks and sounds absolutely captivating. That same sense of purpose you feel when listening to him during mass floods back; stronger, deeper. Swiftly, you take a second to spit in your palm before proceeding the strokes. “Yeah? Feels nice?”
Overwhelmed, Jungsu lets his head fall on your shoulder, unable to look at you as he’s on the verge of breaking. A brief whine drops from his tongue as a response - one of many irrepressible noises that won't stop escaping his throat the more your grip moves, pleasing and slick; it’s starting to speed up, wet noises erupting from below where he doesn’t dare to look.
Heat rises to his cheeks. He feels like he can’t hold it in much longer, like something inside him is going to be teared apart any second now. “I can’t,” he stutters breathless, but his thought ends there.
His voice shatters weakly, an elongated whine heating your neck as the pressure bursts. For a moment the sensation almost has him lose his footing, his mind going blank.
The warm arousal shoots out of his swollen tip, trickling down your hand, a few white streaks landing messily on your dress. Your fist eases before stopping completely, allowing the relief to settle under his skin, warm, heavenly.
As much as his dick twitching in your palm, and his arousing moans ringing at your ear turned you on, nothing can compare to the thrilling look in his dazed eyes where faith and sin intertwine - like he’d take anything you decide to give him, and nothing can stop him.
With vision fixated upon him, you move on your knees. His hoodie drops to the tiled floor, then your mouth welcomes his still hard length, enveloping him in an imensive warmth. Your lips wrap tightly around the slick head, sucking every bead of arousal lingering.
Jungsu moans shakily at the sharp sensation, not thinking as his hand fists in your hair. You, on the other hand, hum blissfully as you savor his salty taste.
“Ah—” his body trembles as your lips detach with a lewd, wet pop, tongue flicking out to swirl around the swollen tip.
He’s unable to take his eyes off you as you slowly lean forward, trying to fit more of him into your mouth. The stretch of your cheeks looks almost painful as you control your breath, eyes fluttering shut as you focus on relaxing your throat.
Jungsu’s jaw flexes as another inch disappears through your puffy lips, clouding his mind with a fog. Then, feeling sweat across the back of his neck, he grabs the hem of his sweater, pulling it over his head and tossing it on the table behind you.
“Sweetheart…” His touch returns, stroking the top of your head gently. “Is this alright?” The words stumble steadier than he expects.
He tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, suppressing an unstable sound. It’s undeniable - the wave of rapture your mouth provokes. But the thought of that causing you even the smallest discomfort twists something inside him.
Slowly, you drag your lips back to his cockhead. Then, you unwrap them through a light suck.
It takes you a second to realise you’re staring up at him, eyes wide and hazy, heart tripping over itself from the sight of his naked chest. But then… sweetheart. You’ve been called that before, but not like this.
The tension in the air shifts when Jungsu sees the corners of your mouth curve.
“I love it,” you reply softly, making his breath still.
You stand, finally stripping from your dress. The cloth slips from your shoulders, pooling soundlessly at your feet.
Jungsu’s gaze follows every inch revealed, almost hypnotised. He doesn’t move at first, only his throat bobs when he swallows, hands flexing at his sides.
Then, he twitches in the air, blood flowing into his cock again.
You can’t deny the rush that floods your chest when the realisation hits - you’re standing bare before him, completely exposed. A shiver of nervousness runs through you until he steps closer, like a man approaching something sacred. In one effortless motion, he lifts you into his arms, and every flicker of doubt melts away, replaced by the dizzying thrill of his hold.
You hardly get a glimpse of his room - you’re gently tossed on his bed, the mattress dipping beneath you as he follows. He completely steals your focus; toned stomach, muscled arms, warm chest heaving in an excited rhythm as he hovers over you. His dark hair falls over his forehead when he leans in, searching for your lips.
“You drive me crazy,” he breaks the silence before capturing you in another breathtaking kiss.
Lightheaded, you place hands on the sides of his neck. It feels like it’s just the two of you in this world, and you want to stop time, so you can feel like this forever.
When he inserts himself inside you, the first few seconds it feels overwhelming - too much, too big, - but then, it feels perfect, like he’s made for you.
He starts off slow, massaging your gummy walls with precise, sensual slides that allow you to get used to the stretch. However, soon, he begins thrusting like a man who’s losing all composure.
“So… ah! You’re so—t-tight!” he tries to steady his voice, but the effort breaks with every word he manages to say. “It feels amazing… like you were made for me.” He buries his face against your neck, trying to silence his shaky moans that escape with each hit of his hips.
His body is sweating, clinging to you desperately as you hold onto him, nails sinking into his muscular back.
Each time his tip reaches that sweet spot inside you, it feels like the air is being knocked out of your lungs; your pussy walls spasm, sucking him in tighter and tighter.
The sounds of skin against skin intensifies as the heat between you makes everything around you feel like a blur. Soon, the rush will be too much to bare; you can feel it in the way your core scorches.
“Jungsu—”
Jungsu’s brain is hazy, as if all of his thoughts turned into smoke the second he slipped inside you. The only thing reaching him is the filthy sounds your fluids create every time your bodies connect deeply, reminding him over and over again that this is reality. There’s no coming back from this.
But then, the sound of your strained voice whining his name cuts through the haze, grounding him completely.
He hums, searching for your eyes. His body slows, your hands grasp onto him tighter. “Am I…” he says, low and hot. “I’m sorry, am I going too fast? Did I hurt you?”
Swallowing, you slightly shift your hips, already needing him as deep as possible. “Don’t stop, please… it’s perfect.”
He takes a second longer to look at you before confessing: “I like hearing you say my name.” His lips press gently to your forehead, your eyes closing at the comforting gesture.
Almost immediately, he revives the needy rhythm, hips slamming sloppily into you. The sounds are lewd and harsh, clashing with his shaky pants and whimpers. “I’m sorry,” he says again despite your assurance, a tear falling from the corner of his eye.
The need for relief he felt earlier becomes nearly unbearable, washing over the lingering guilt; the pleasure you offer him with your body being only one can dream about is enough to make him want to cry.
Your voice cracks with emotion beneath him as he fastens further, your nails dragging rough lines on the surface of his back.
With the current sensation stirring inside him, with the way he throbs, lost deeper and deeper through every new drag - he won’t be able to stop a second time even he wanted to.
“I’m sorry, my dove.” He whispers in a rush, every breath a tremor. “Just… can’t h-help it—can’t get enough of you.” His lips brush against your cheek, catching another tear; yours or his own, he can’t tell.
He shifts backwards, his muscled back suddenly straight, flexing beneath stinging, red scratches. Both of his hands grasp onto your thighs, keeping them wide open so he can see you take his manhood. The view is wet, noisy, like you’re struggling to keep up with him, yet you don’t want to let him go as you keep leaking all over his sheets.
It’s such an impactful visual experience that not a minute later he shudders mid-thrust, like he’s been short circuited.
His head tips back, jaw going slack as euphoria passes through his whole body. The second his vision turns white, creamy arousal spilling inside you, he wonders if he’s finally reached the gates of heaven.
The thrill is intense, bringing slight overstimulation as he makes the last few pumps the exact moment your own orgasm snaps.
As the fog inside his mind dissipates, though slowly, he realises he cannot escape the staggering sensation of your climaxes clashing at the same time; he cannot recover from the fact he liked bringing you pleasure while a part of him is inside you even better.
When you curl beside him, limbs heavy, skin still humming with warmth, you rest your head against his chest and let your eyes flutter shut.
“I don’t want to stop needing you.” You admit quietly.
Maybe this is what faith is meant to look like, you think. Two people simply holding on to each other when it gets too dark.
word count: 17k
tags: ot6 (not y/n), band!xh, found family, mostly jiseok centered(? but it's really about everyone, junhan and jooyeon second centered, jiseok x jooyeon on tthe side but it's not the main plot, mostly angst, hurt and comfort, jooseok smokers, lost dreams, insecurities, they say some mean things to each other, they are all going through it and fighting with each other, someone please give jiseok a hug, hyeongjun is the glue of the group, jooyeon desperately wants to keep this band together, gunil gets bullied (lovingly), seungmin and jungsu are constantly at each other's throats, jiseok hates himself i'm so sorry dude is really not having a good time, everyone is suffering, but they really love each other so very deeply, happy ending
plot: Things have been going downhill for months...for everyone. Between break-ups, constant fights, stressed outbursts and self worth issues they really don't seem to be able to get out of the slump but for some reason they still hold on. That's until Jiseok fucks up. More than once.
A story about communication, friendship, loneliness, love, fighting for what you love and hope. A story about being lost and found.
It's a chilly fall night. Another dreadful day passed and neither of them feel any better than they did a week ago. What used to be a loud and cheerful house was now filled with silence and awkward tension.
They are still stuck together. They had no other choice, nowhere else to go, but now? Now Gunil choses to spend more time with his college buddies than share a space with Jungsu, Jooyeon locked himself in the garage they use as a practice room and Jiseok is…absent.
Usually, he was the first to ask them to hang out, excitedly running up to them to blabber about this new show he just started watching. However, nowadays, they barely saw him unless they had to practice. No one seemed to know what he was doing most times, not even Jooyeon.
It was odd. It was saddening. Jooyeon and Jiseok who were once attached to the hip, getting told off by Seungmin for making too much noise too late at night, barely were seen in the same room together and when they were, the conversation never moved past a polite ‘Have you eaten today?’.
It’s hard to pinpoint what was the exact moment where it all started to fall apart. If you were to ask, each one of them would have a different answer because unfortunately, they all blamed each other.
FIVE MONTHS AGO: SEUNGMIN
Seungmin purses his lips with a small nod, watching the familiar figure walk away as he quickly wipes the tears off his cheeks, pathetically tapping them a few times in an attempt to erase any signs of crying.
It sucked. Everything sucked. Every single thing that could be going wrong lately has been going wrong: constant fights, they never managed to get anything better than a few bar gigs and if that wasn’t enough he now lost one of the most important people in his life. ‘You care more about them than you ever cared about me.’ are the last words he heard before being left stranded alone in the middle of the cold and lonely night.
Jungsu isn’t sure how, but something inside him told him to go out on his terrasse. When he did, his hands gripped on the cold balustrade. “Hyeongjun?” The older one calls out to the guitarist and when he arrives with a confused expression and looks down, his eyebrows knit at the scene in front of them.
That night started it all for Seungmin. He started resenting the guys and in retrospect, they had no fault, but still…weren’t they the reason he’s currently trying to hold back tears at every single band practice?
“Can you stop always being so stuck-up and think you know everything just because of your stupid perfect pitch?” Seungmin smacks his synth angrily, only for Jungsu to scoff with a tilt of his head, pointing to him.
“You know what? Maybe if you put in more work and learned some fucking theory we wouldn’t have to go through the same thing all over again!” The older bites, causing the drummer to speak up.
“Can you two stop being so childish?? We have to get this over with!” Gunil hits his drums once to get their attention, the two men turning their heads towards him. “I’m so tired, I just wanna go home!”
“Oh my GOD! Do you ALWAYS have to be all up in everyone’s business? NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!” Jungsu widens his eyes at him after clasping his hands in disbelief.
“Guys please, just–calm down!” Hyeongjun tries, raising his voice just enough to cut through the moment of silence but still keeping some softness in it, not wanting to make the situation worse.
At that, Jiseok laughs wholeheartedly. A full, loud, manic laugh. “Yeah guys, listen to the guy that has been spending the entire day sleeping instead of practicing his solo! How many times did you fuck up in the past thirty minnutes, huh? Was it five? Ten times?” The silver haired boy turns his body to stare at the other guitarist accusatory.
When Jooyeon notices Hyeongjun’s lips part perplexed with a small shaky breath leaving him, he calls out Jiseok. “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” The bassist lightly pushes his best friend’s shoulder angrily. “You want to talk shit? Let’s talk about how you were almost one hour late, yeah?”
Jiseok blinks at him, as if betrayed. “‘course you’d defend him.” His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek with a twitch of his lip, nodding once before angrily starting to strum at his guitar. Jooyeon gives him a glance, chewing on his bottom lip irritated before following up, and soon enough they are back to practicing.
PRESENT DAY
Things were like this now: fight, say things you regret, go back to practicing and repeat the cycle every single day. It was a living hell and for some godforsaken reason, none of them knew how to let go of it.
Today, however, has been quiet for most part. Not because they got better, but because they figured out the perfect formula: not see each other unless it was for practice and the more they were out of the house, the better.
No one ever thought that things would ever end up like this. They weren’t supposed to end up like this! The one reason this whole thing even started was because each one of them needed a reason to move forward, a way to let all of that pain and worry out and at the beginning, it really was beautiful.
They used to think it was the type of bond found once in a lifetime, the kind that people read about and songs are written for. It worked out, even with small bickering because Gunil had to tell Jiseok to pick up his empty chips bag from the couch or the numerous times when Seungmin and Jooyeon would race to the bathroom to shower first.
It was a small place, the six of them crumbled together because they only had each other to rely on, but it was perfect. Even the playful fights in the mornings when Jungsu tried to brush his teeth while Gunil tried to shave, the long conversations between Seungmin and Hyeongjun on the balcony or Jooyeon and Jiseok staying in while everyone else went for a run because they much rathered play their video games.
It wasn’t the cookie-cut life any of them imagined, but it was more than they could ever ask for. There was never a dull day, and even the small disagreements were quickly resolved, either by the two involved getting a smack over their heads and getting told to get a grip, or by Hyeongjun simply frowning.
Jooyeon, especially, was the one that made sure to make things work even when they shouldn’t have. It became a habit: something seemed to start slipping through the cracks? He’d run with hot glue to quickly repair it before anyone could even start to notice.
The members saw it as kindness, but deep down, Jooyeon knew it was nothing short of selfishness: he wanted — no, he needed this to work. His entire life, he prayed for a connection like this, for a friendship like this, having people around him that were just as passionate about music as he was and that were more than willing to try to make themselves heard.
It was desperation. If this fell apart, Jooyeon’s dreams, his entire life would fall apart. That is exactly why, when Seungmin broke Jungsu’s keyboard stand when he wasn’t home, he made sure to quickly look up a tutorial on how to fix it before the older one got home. That’s also why when Jiseok almost left the house after a heated argument with Gunil he made sure to take his best friend out for a meal and calm him down.
It worked most times. Well, it used to. Back when things were easy. Back when he didn’t blame Jiseok for the mess that’s been fogging his head.
NINE MONTHS AGO: JOOYEON
“Ayy come onn, you cheated!” The younger man groans at the rock paper scissors lost game, throwing his head back in frustration as Jiseok makes a victory dance before helping his friend take the bass strap off his shoulder and placing it on the other one.
“And you’re a sore loser, c’mon, smile for the camera!” Jiseok chimes happily as the whine escapes Jooyeon’s lips at the odd feeling of having to hold his bass in a mirrored position. “This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t argue with me over the chord progression. So really, it’s your fault.”
The bassist squints at him, sighing before sloppily trying to play the song the two of them have been practicing for hours. They all got along, but for some reason ever since the first day Jiseok’s eyes fell on Jooyeon he thought to himself ‘Ah, this is going to be my best friend.’ Ever since the younger found out about it, there’s been an ongoing joke that he’s a blessing fallen from the sky for Jiseok.
However, although he would never admit it out loud, Jooyeon would argue that it’s the other way around. Whenever he felt like maybe music wasn’t for him, that maybe he didn’t have something as important as others to deliver, Jiseok was always the first person to snap him out of it, whether it be by letting him quietly cry on his shoulder or by cracking a lame joke like ‘Have you seen the Billboard Top100 lately? Please.’ and rolling his eyes before laughing.
It’s hard to explain, the sudden feeling that bloomed in his chest with no warning, or how it even happened. All Jooyeon knows is that while he was gloriously failing to play and Jiseok shoved the camera in his face with a teasing smile, something clicked. When his eyes met the other’s as his face was only inches away and he had that boyish grin, a terrifying thought spiraled into his head ‘What would happen If I leaned in?’.
“Haha your look at the end, fuck!!” Jiseok cracks up, holding onto his stomach as the other mimics his amusement because really, what else can he do?
PRESENT DAY
Jooyeon became a master at pushing every single thought like that away, locking himself away in the practice room and turning his music loud enough to make his ears bleed just to ignore what he knows is a suicide mission for the group.
Most of them learned to avoid their issues, and that’s exactly why lately, when fights happened it wasn’t just small arguments that got settled in an hour maximum. Now, the tension lasted for hours, sometimes days. Things never really got talked about all the way through. They were all scared that if a long, mature conversation were to happen, the outcome would be the one thing that they are all so desperately trying to avoid. A word that they don’t even mention out of the sheer fear of somehow making it a reality.
Getting ready for practice, it was only Jungsu and Hyeongjun at the house. Seungmin having left two hours before to take a stroll around the city, Gunil already at the practice room, probably letting his hands bleed out from how long he’s been playing for just to make sure no one can blame him if practice goes sideways followed close behind by Jooyeon.
The two are arguably the ones that least enjoy the fights. Hyeongjun is always the one to silently observe, ignoring the headache caused by all the screaming and waiting for the opportune moment to deflate the situation.
“Tsk–can you move? Jesus Christ, hoarding the kitchen like you live alone.” The older scoffs as he tries to move past Hyeongjun to grab his water bottle, and the younger does what he does best: moves away quietly, makes himself small, and shuts up for the sake of it.
Jungsu too, is mostly a level-headed man, and he takes pride in working harder than anyone else into bettering himself. The one downside is that when he gets overwhelmed and stressed, he takes it out on the people closest to him. Not by proximity, but by how much he loves them.
It’s stupid, he knows it. He knows he should check himself and not let himself get so much into his head and let all of those insecurities about how no matter how much he improves is not enough pour onto the few people that care about him, but he can’t help it.
FOUR MONTHS AGO: JUNGSU & GUNIL
He’s sick. His voice is terrible, he’s got a runny nose and he can barely press two keys without coughing. “Are you alright?” Gunil frowns, walking through the door after his shift and making his way to the middle of the living room.
Jungsu was standing behind his keyboard with a frustrated look and rosy cheeks, sweat dropping down his neck as the fever was taking over. “I’m fine.” He argues, restarting the song from the beginning.
It was one of the few days when everyone was busy or hanging out with someone and the pianist figured it was the perfect moment to practice, even though they all slept for a total of maybe four hours yesterday from the constant practice sessions.
The contest is right around the corner and unless some outworldly force postpones it or heals Jungsu, they’re astronomically fucked. He knows. They all know, but they’re too scared to say it out loud, so everyone just gives each other quiet glances when he’d mess up a note or have a voice crack and shoot a supporting smile.
“Hey, you should rest…Did you take an Ibuprofen? I can make you some tea, you should wear breathable clothes, you shouldn’t force your voice-” Gunil tries, placing the back of his hand over the younger’s forehead, only to have it harshly swatted away with an annoyed stare.
“If I rest, who's gonna do the singing, huh? You?” Jungsu growls, trying to play again, leaving the other to blink at him taken aback. Gunil had a bad habit of always trying to fix things that weren’t his to fix: Seungmin’s heartbreak, Jiseok’s outbursts and now Jungsu’s sickness.
He always tried to take care of everyone, feeling a sense of responsibility for being the oldest and making sure to always be there for everyone, even when he felt like no one was there for him and now it was no different.
He’s been feeling down for some time, everyone around him seems to constantly have an issue or have a hard time and for the first time in a long time, Gunil felt helpless. He didn’t know how to make it better, make it easier, let them know it will all be alright because quite frankly, he wasn’t sure it will be.
Gunil doesn’t start a fight. He simply stares at his friend with a pained expression, before picking his backpack up again, throwing it over his shoulder and leaving the house, because the last thing he wants is to let Jungsu see him cry. So there was the pianist, staring into the distance, a small voice in the back of his head screaming at him to call after his friend, go after him, apologize for being an ass just because he’s frustrated and yet, he doesn’t.
Jungsu stays frozen in place, eyes drifting to the hand that swatted the older’s away, before clearing his throat and starting the song again.
PRESENT DAY
Jiseok lets his steps drag just a little slower against the concrete as he makes his way towards the practice room. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t even be going. He’s so tired of pretending like everything is alright, like they’re just some joyful kids trying to reach their dreams.
He’s tired of pretending that he’s useful. He’s trying, hell, he’s been trying. That’s all he ever did: try to be better, try harder, try to be worthy. Back in middle school, he thought he had it all figured it out when he started playing guitar. Life started making sense, it seemed brighter and the constant teasing voice inside his head that kept repeating that there’s nothing in this world he’s good at finally shut up.
Finding the guys, Jiseok thinks, was one of the best things that could have ever happened to him. Finally finding a purpose, people that cared about him and loved him for simply existing without him having to desperately put on a show just to be given an ounce of attention, made him understand that life isn’t as cruel as he thought it was.
That was until the contest. No one wants to say it out loud, or admit it, but Jiseok has always been too smart for his own good and he knows that deep deep down, they blame him. All of them, even Jooyeon. It’s not like they were perfect, their set had a lot of room for improvement, Jungsu was clearly sick and the sound mixing was all wrong but they still had a shot.
Until, Jiseok fucked up. Big time. Somehow, God knows how, his pick fell out of his hand and in pure shock he was left staring down at his guitar like some sore loser before strumming away with his fingers as if nothing was wrong. It wasn’t enough, though, the judges saw. The guys saw it too: the mortified expression, the frozen hands, the way his Adam's apple moved when he gulped.
In his opinion, that was really what started this mess. Four months ago, when he made a rookie mistake during what could’ve been a once in a lifetime opportunity. Hyeongjun tried to comfort the group saying they can use this as a learning experience, but he saw the anger disguised as indifference in Seungmin’s eyes and the way Gunil turned his head when Jiseok glanced at him.
They all messed up, but Jiseok was the cherry on top, the final reason the judges needed. He knew it deep down, that he’s the reason they still didn’t make it. Some might call it dramatic, believing a small mistake, a failed contest was enough of a reason for a person to feel as guilty as he did, but it’s not.
It’s not just that. It was never just that. Ever since he was a kid, Jiseok made sure to follow rules, spend extra time studying, diligently practice so why, why has he spent the majority of his life wondering when he will finally see results?
A feeling that never disappeared completely, but was stored somewhere in the back of his mind, was now the only recurring thought he had. He can try to brush it off with a laugh, roll his eyes with a smile when Hyeongjun argues with him about how badly he set up the tone of his guitar or flick his wrist dismissively whenever Jooyeon would ask him what’s wrong, but that doesn’t seem to make it hurt less.
He misses the person he once was. The young kid with a big smile and a bright future ahead, who found comfort the moment his fingers caressed the frets of the guitar he begged his friend to let him borrow. Back then, even if it was hard, even if he didn’t know how to improve or if he was even capable of it, it was worth it.
Every single time he’d pick up the guitar, he’d feel like all his worries washed away and that no matter how much of a shitty day he would have, at the end of the day, there was still something to look forward to. He used to spend his days waiting impatiently to get home and find peace in the one thing that he never felt like he had to prove himself in.
Guitar, for Jiseok, used to be the one thing he didn’t have to pressure himself. The one moment in his day where he could let loose and enjoy himself, regardless of how good he was at it. You’d think that getting better at it, being in a band, getting closer to his once too far-fetched dream would only motivate him but instead? It made his chest tight. It made his hands shake in anger every time he’d get the same chord progression wrong and it would make him remember…You’ll never be as good as you want. You will forever be stuck.
He’s lost. With himself, with the guys, with music…with Jooyeon. For the past few months, they’ve all been butting heads with each other without a break and the one person he used to always side with during stupid fights was now the one he always seemed to find himself yelling at.
Whenever they try to give a reasonable explanation, they’d say it’s because they realized that they don’t have as much in common as they thought they did. However, if he allowed himself to let the truth wander around his mind for a second, he would admit that it’s because he’s scared.
Ever since that first day, Jooyeon’s been the one person that understood him more than anyone ever has. No matter the situation, all he needed was a silent signal and he’d already not only know what’s wrong but also how to help him.
Now, though? What could Jooyeon do? What could any of them do? No one gets it. They’re all so obsessed with keeping this up and acting as if there’s still some saving for this shit situation but he knows there’s not. It’s too late.
How could Jooyeon help when he’s the most driven person out of that group and sees music as his life? What could Jiseok possibly have in common with a person like that when every single day since that stupid contest he flinches every time he glances at his guitar and his stomach turns every time his fingers graze over the fretboard?
It was unfair to hold resentment against his best friend over something the other didn’t even know was a problem, but Jiseok couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stand how happy music seemed to make Jooyeon, how carefree he looked when he sang, how excited he was to learn a new song even though he had a hard time or it was above his skill set.
Jiseok hates Jooyeon. A hatred that sparked during a quiet night at the apartment while everyone was asleep and they were fighting over the blanket.
SEVEN MONTHS AGO: JISEOK
He had no intention of letting Jooyeon see him like this, or anyone, really. However, before he could stop himself, a crack in his voice resonated through the silent room. “Joo? Are you awake?”
That’s all Jooyeon needed. He was fast asleep. He’s been, for an hour or so and yet, somehow, his eyes pop open, instantly getting up from his bed and sitting on the edge of Jiseok’s bed. “Hey- what’s wrong?” The bassist whispers worriedly, hand firmly gripping onto his friend’s shoulder.
When Jiseok turns his head towards him, eyes puffy and nose colored a pink shade as his tear filled eyes glistened under the moonlight, Jooyeon has to bite the inside of his cheek in order to stop himself from crying as well. Instead, his eyebrows knit slightly, scooting over next to Jiseok on the bed and wrapping his arms around the older’s shoulders instinctively, not minding the ‘Gross snot’ the guitarist kept complaining about.
Jooyeon smiles slightly, eyes closing as well. “You’re really hard to deal with, even when you’re sad.” The younger whispers with a chuckle, hugging the other harder when Jiseok tries to mumble yet another complaint.
After an hour or so of crying and pretending Jooyeon’s reassuring and saddening look didn’t make him even angrier, Jiseok closes his eyes and turns his body around. He’s embarrassed himself enough as it is. He doesn’t need to stretch it further. First, he cuts himself by mistake when changing his guitar strings. Then, he gets drenched in rain because he forgot to grab an umbrella and then things just kept piling up.
Everything that could’ve gone wrong today went wrong: from spilling his coffee in the morning to messing up every single song during practice. The contest was right around the corner and Jiseok felt like he couldn’t breathe most days. This was one of the most important things he’s got going on in his life right now and the mere thought of anything going wrong made him want to vomit.
“Stop- Dude come ON! This is my bed!” The guitarist whines after a few minutes as the younger pulls on the blanket. “Why don’t you go over to your bed?? Even better! Gunil’s room! He’s visiting his parents and Jungsu can come here! You can have the whole thing to yourself!!” Jiseok grunts as he tugs on the blanket, holding back the smile that is about to tug at the corners of his lips.
“Aye, you cry in my arms and now you want alone time?? Where are your manners Kwak Jiseok~” The younger teases cheerfully, playfully throwing his body on top of Jiseok’s back and brushing his thumb over Jiseok’s dry tears. The room was silent, the moonlight illuminating their faces. Well, Jooyeon’s face, because Jiseok’s face was currently pressed between the mattress and against initial complaints, neither of them made any effort to actually pull away.
“You’ll do well, Ji…You always do.” Jooyeon whispers into the older man's ear, arms caging his body as one hand traces deliberate circles on Jiseok’s shoulder. “And if you don’t, that’s okay too.”
A lingering kiss on the side of his neck. It didn’t mean anything that it shouldn’t have, Jooyeon was always touchy and although the placement wasn’t something he ever did before, if it was any other day the guitarist wouldn’t even have a second thought about it. If it was any other day, he’d squirm and complain about the younger being too sappy and touchy, but not today.
Today, Jiseok’s heart stops. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. That’s how long he counts, the amount of time he held his breath before exhaling quietly. He keeps his eyes closed, mentally cursing himself because it’s a stupid thought that’s been lingering around his brain since day one and now it was finally too loud to ignore.
PRESENT DAY
Jooyeon misses Jiseok. He misses his best friend, the guy who would somehow talk more than he does, the dude that would swear up and down he’s better at videogames than he is even though they both know it’s a lie. He misses the one person in the world who somehow always made the dumbest decisions while at the same time being the smartest person in every room he walked in.
He misses the person he so desperately wishes was his lover.
Jooyeon started resenting Jiseok for it. How could he so easily walk away? Act like nothing happened? As if he meant nothing? As if they meant nothing. The irritation was also due to the fact that the bassist had such an overwhelming amount of love and care in his heart for the other that every time their eyes locked he found himself parting his lips, trying to finally say what he’s been holding in, only for Jiseok to look the other way.
All of those messy, intense feelings soon started to translate into annoyed scoffs and snappy comments which most times turned into nasty fights, even about something as insignificant as the order of the songs on their setlist. Jiseok was no better. He fueled the fights. He lived for them, because yelling at Jooyeon was a million times easier than letting himself get carried away again and repeat the mistake of that one night when they were laying on the grass.
SIX MONTHS AGO: JOOYEON & JISEOK
It’s hard to remember how they ended up like this. All Jooyeon can remember is that they had a really good day in months. Band practice went smoothly, somehow they managed to go a full day without any major fights (mostly because they’ve all been too busy to see each other for more than one hour) and Jiseok even got praised in the morning when he and Jooyeon went busking.
“I really think you’re exaggerating.” Jiseok laughs embarrassed, arms behind his head as he looks up at the stars. The night was colder than usual, but the sky was clearer too, so neither of them minded laying on the ground next to the lake, knees brushing as a lame excuse of dealing with the cold by being close to each other.
“I really don’t think I am.” Jooyeon shakes his head with a wide grin, head turning to look at Jiseok. He thought he’d get used to it by now, the way his heart does a little skip every time his eyes meet the guitarist’s, but he didn’t. It still catches him by surprise, and he’s too happy to see him have a good day after such a long and tiring month to care about pretending his eyes don’t scan his face as his smile widens. “Why don’t you ever celebrate your wins?”
Jiseok glances at his friend, before turning his attention back to the stars, shrugging absentmindedly. “I guess I just never see them as wins.” He rasps, pursing his lips for a moment. “Nothing’s a win, but there’s failure.”
The bassist frowns, tilting his head in disapprovement. “It’s fine if you don’t think there’s any wins. But if that’s the case, you can’t let yourself believe in failure either.” Jooyeon huffs, making the older look back at him with an amused expression, barely holding back a laugh.
“What are you? The self-consciousness police?” Jiseok asks, baffled, laughing wholeheartedly at the younger’s determined and smug nod, mentally slapping himself for letting his stomach turn at such a simple thing.
They both spend a good few seconds laughing, making fun of the other for being more idiotic and arguing that it’s the opposite way. Jiseok suddenly feels a rush of adrenaline when watching Jooyeon’s eyes sparkle under the dimmed park lights.
Jooyeon, on the other hand, found his eyes drifting to the other’s lips far too many times and he truly doubts that he was sneaky enough with it for Jiseok to not notice. He did notice. And when he noticed, the guitarist let his eyes linger over the younger’s features for long enough to allow Jooyeon to call him out on it, make a joke about it or look away.
They didn’t look away. They didn’t move. The laughter slowly died down, and now the once rowdy and lively atmosphere shifted into something quieter, more intimate. They weren’t strangers to moments like these. Against popular belief, both of them found comfort in the late night deep conversation and silent ambience.
Jiseok is the first one to move. It’s subtle and barely noticeable, but it’s there. He tilts his chin so he’s now closer to the other, a small lopsided smile creeping on his face involuntarily when a soft breath escapes Jooyeon’s lips. Before they knew it, the both of them closed the distance.
It wasn’t a mistake, it was intentional. Sure, they might have leaned in slow enough for it to be a surprise when their lips touched, but they wanted this. No, they needed this. Jiseok’s eyes kept shifting, as if searching for any sort of doubt, while Jooyeon’s hands curled into tight fists at the base of his hoodie, as if to ground himself.
The first time their lips touch, it’s barely a brush of lips, one last chance for any of them to pull away. They don’t. Of course they don’t, they’ve been waiting for this for longer than they can remember and they’d be damned if they let anything, even the loud motorcycle passing by, take this moment away from them.
Jooyeon is the first one to make a definitive decision. He moves his hand away from his hoodie and cups Jiseok’s cheek with a shaky sigh before finally kissing him the way he’s been dreaming of. It’s not a hard kiss, but the grip on his friend’s cheek is firm, trying to memorize every inch of his face as he lets his lips move against the older’s lovingly.
It’s strange. They never kissed before and yet, the kiss is so very familiar. Maybe it’s because they know each other too well, or maybe it’s because this is exactly how they both imagined it would feel like ever since the thought first spiraled into their head.
It isn’t too soft, but it isn’t teeth clinking and lip biting either. It’s just right. It’s them. It’s Jiseok’s ragged breath as a smile plays on his lips when he leans in closer. It’s Jooyeon’s shaky hand moving to cup the back of the older’s head in order to make sure he’s not dreaming.
None of them care about their surroundings right now. All they care about is the feeling of pure bliss overwhelming them, one of Jiseok’s hands now cupping Jooyeon’s jaw as well as the younger’s hand moves from the guitarist’s jaw to his waist to tug him closer.
There was no one else around, and that only made the moment feel even more overwhelming. They couldn’t blame this on alcohol, on a silly joke. They couldn’t run away from it.
It wasn’t hard, though, none of them wanted to even pretend this wasn’t exactly what they wanted to do. Jiseok keeps one hand on Jooyeon’s cheek as the other hand grabs his collar, holding it tightly in a fist, closing his eyes tighter. He doesn’t want to loosen up his grip or pull away to breathe. It’s fine, it’s whatever, he doesn’t need air. He needs to kiss Jooyeon until he passes out.
Jooyeon’s thumb caresses the back of the guitarist’s head as he lets out a ragged exhale, letting himself finally smile in the kiss. He’s never felt more relief and bliss in his life and he can’t even be bothered to think about the logistics of everything right now. What will happen once they pull away? How will this change what they have? What does this mean for the band?
He doesn't know. He doesn’t care. All he cares about is holding Jiseok tightly as if at any moment now this will violently get ripped out of his hand. He, unfortunately, was right.
The call from Hyeongjun pulls them out of their silly fantasy world. This makes the two jolt away, pulse quickening and eyes wide. The loving and intimate moment that made them forget how things actually were now crumbled down, the both of them sitting up straight on the grass with a cough, avoiding each other’s gaze. Of course, what were they thinking? Being together in these circumstances would only make things harder for everyone, even something as simple as a kiss could ruin the band.
“Ah sorry i-” Jiseok starts with wide eyes, looking back at his friend with labored breathing. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, what he wants to think. He’s never been more sure about how right something felt than he did two minutes ago while kissing Jooyeon and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to own up to it.
“Yeah no, I get it me too yeah we should- we should–” The bassist starts, mind still foggy and his lips now plumped and covered in the other’s saliva and God he knows this was a mistake and that this could complicate things but the only thing he wants to do right now is tell Jiseok to have a grown up conversation, deal with it and go back to kissing.
His train of thoughts, however, quickly gets interrupted by what Jooyeon thinks is the single most painful sentence he has ever heard. “This never happened?” Jisseok’s voice is groggy, and the bassist can see the hesitation in the older’s eyes, but he knows it’s the right call.
Jooyeon doesn’t want to agree to it. He wants to grab his friends by the shoulders, shake him and yell at him for even daring to propose something as idiotic as pretending they didn’t both want this. “Yeah, this never happened.” He finds himself nodding, because even though it’s the last thing he wants, the saddened look in Jiseok’s eyes and the way his shoulders slump is clear enough of an indicator that trying to press onto the matter would do him more harm than good. After all, what type of person would Jooyeon be if he didn’t put the needs of the person he loves most far above his own?
PRESENT DAY
Ever since that day, Jiseok made it a personal mission to never let himself get that close to Jooyeon ever again (he also failed, but that’s a conversation for later). Things followed the same as usual ever since then, at least for the most part, but they both knew something shifted. Jooyeon spent days on end trying to pretend that night never happened, but it was hard to when for the longest time having Jiseok in front of him and not being able to kiss him felt physically painful.
So, here they were–all of them–playing diligently as if their life depends on it. Hyeongjun’s eyebrows knit slightly, looking up from his guitar for a split second in worry. Something’s wrong. He doesn’t know what, he can’t see anything out of the ordinary, but he can feel it.
It might be the tense atmosphere that seemed to surround them every time they all got together, or maybe the tiredness from having practiced the same tune one too many times. He tried to brush it off, tell himself that he’s being dramatic, that it’s just some anxiety-driven response to everything that has been going on lately.
In an alternative, perfect universe, he would be wrong about it. That unsettling feeling would remain just that: a feeling. However, life isn’t perfect, it’s far from it. So far that against all of Hyeongjun’s silent prayers that today will be different, he was right.
The sound was slightly off. No one seemed to notice it, at least not right away, and he can’t blame them. It was just a hint of note misplacement, an almost passable chord progression gone wrong that in any other setting, the combined noise of the instruments would’ve swallowed it up. Not this time, though.
Jiseok’s pick fell.
Hyeongjun is the first one to notice it, even before the blonde. When Jiseok’s hands hit the burnt metal strings that he’s been strumming at for hours with a screeching sound, the world stops.
About five seconds of pure silence, glances shared between each other as they knew well enough what was coming: another fight, another screaming match, another heavy day. Whenever things like these happened, they all had vastly different reactions: Seungmin always looked disappointed, hands on his hips as he’d let out a small sigh, probably to hold back from saying something he’ll regret later. Gunil and Jungsu, bit their lip in annoyance as they quickly let go of their instruments just to make sure they wouldn’t angrily hit them.
Jooyeon however? A purse of his lips, as if mentally preparing himself for war, before turning his bass’ volume all the way down. Him and Jiseok were always the most confrontational ones and it always made moments like these ten times worse.
A year ago, they’d all try to somehow deflate the situation before it got too bad but with everything that’s been happening lately, Seungmin started smacking the keys on his synth with a groan, Gunil started throwing his drumsticks on the floor, Jungsu started pushing his keyboard almost making it fall and Hyeongjun…
“YAH!” He yells annoyedly, turning off the sound of his guitar, because he was really really tired of this. It was unbearable, every day seemed longer than the last and it got to a point where even the smallest inconvenience or mistake sent him over the edge. “You haven’t been practicing lately, have you?”
Him, who was usually calm, always willing to listen and keep his mouth shut for the sake of it, was now ready to get into a screaming match, one that he’s witnessed far too many times to know how to make it worth his time.
For some reason, the way his voice resonated in the air made everyone stop in their tracks, too shocked to even react in anger this time. Now all there was is surprise, and by the way Jooyeon’s eyes glance at him, even worry.
However, before the words could leave his mouth, Jiseok tilts his head with an annoyed expression after staring at his empty hand trying to envision the spot between his fingers where the pick was just a few moments ago.
“I’ll be right back.” It all happens in the blink of an eye. The silver haired man quietly takes the guitar strap off his shoulder and in a firm motion throws it on the couch, leaving without looking back. Everyone looks at each other, an unsettling feeling creeping up in their chests, because angry, impulsive, loud, overly stubborn Jiseok was something they’ve sadly gotten used to.
This? Jiseok keeping his mouth shut and not even acknowledging the mistake or any of the guys for that matter? This was terrifying. Out of all the times they’ve fought, screamed, cried, this was a breaking point and they knew it.
It was clear in the way Jooyeon’s hand gripped on his bass tighter for a split moment, before taking it off and without a word, grabbing his jacket and running after Jiseok. They should be mad at him, for being childish, for running away, being dramatic and acting like it’s the end of the world but somehow, everyone knows: this might be it.
Jooyeon rushes to him breathing heavily with a worried expression. He knew where to find him, it was the same place the older always went to when he felt overwhelmed during practice. A spot that he believed none of the guys knew about but of course Jooyeon did. He always did.
The guitarist was looking at the scenery in front of him with an unreadable expression, sipping on his water bottle, letting the smoke of the put out cigarette from next to him hit his face. Everyone assumed Jiseok blamed himself for what happened during the contest, but no one was aware of just how much, the guitarist made sure of it.
He hid behind small jokes and nervous laughter whenever the topic was brought up, but Jooyeon wasn’t a fool. He held Jiseok in his arms more times than he can remember because of it. Even when he wanted to pretend it didn’t bother him, the younger still made sure to give him a reassuring smile, buy him some snacks or distract him enough for the spiral to stop.
It felt odd, being here after so many months to do the thing he used to take so much pride in: take care of Jiseok. Still, a small smile tugged at his lips watching the figure in front of him. He’s not yelling at him to leave or pushing him away. Jiseok keeps quiet. A silence that in moments like these, Jooyeon knew meant only one thing ‘Even if I end up leaving, I need you to stay with me until I do.’
"I know you’re gonna yell at me for what I’m about to say,” Jooyeon starts after a while, looking up at the sky. “but it's okay.”
Jiseok looks at him bitterly, tilting his head. "No, It's not okay Joo. It's not fucking okay. It hasn't been okay! For weeks! Fuck, it hasn't been okay for MONTHS!" He raises his voice frustrated, eyes red, making the other flinch slightly. "Wha-Why do you all keep acting like nothing's wrong?? Huh?? What type of sick fucking foreplay is this??"
"You can't- You can't drop this... Not after everything, c'mon you-" Jooyeon frowns, blood starting to boil.
"I can't? I /can't/?" Jiseok chuckles, irritated, turning his body to him fully, taking a step closer. "Why? Cuz it's not you doing it? Cuz it's not Hyeongjun??"
Jooyeon's lip twitches. "Why are you being so fucking dramatic?"
At that, Jiseok scoffs. "Tsk why i-" He scowls, pointing a finger harshly on the younger's chest. "You know the answer so don't make me fucking say it. Look at us, yeah? Look at everything that's been happening. You think I'm wrong for getting sick of it? We're ALL sick of it, Jooyeon!" Jiseok starts, angrily pointing at his chest again. "The difference is that I'm the only fucker in this shit hole of a group that has the balls to say what everyone is so scared of saying out loud!"
The younger takes a small gulp, jaw clenching as his shoulders slump in resignation. “And you think this is gonna fix it?”
“I don’t care if It’s gonna fix it.” Jiseok grits his teeth as Jooyeon pushes him lightly by the shoulders in anger, pushing back. “It’s not my fucking job.” It’s not the usual outburst, the loud, impulsive yelling the guitarist usually displayed.
He can’t even say he’s angry anymore. He’s tired. It was a small mistake, one that didn’t even have to mean anything, he could’ve just apologized and kept playing or just ignored the missing pick and plucked the strings with his fingers but…it was the last drop.
It usually works like this: you keep trying, keep going and take way more than you can handle, until a small, insignificative incident breaks you. And when that happens, there’s no going back. There’s no fixing it, no picking yourself back up. The slump that kept getting darker and darker finally surrounded Jiseok in all of its glory without leaving any sort of light slip through the cracks.
“Yeah? You want to run away, then? Take things back again?” Jooyeon asks, tone clearly accusatory and it doesn’t take long for Jiseok to know exactly what he means by that. The older man stops in his tracks giving an irritated nod.
“I’m not running away. I’m done. Do you have any fucking idea how much I’ve been dreading life lately, huh? Do you have ANY idea how hard it’s to wake up every single day and know this all went to shit because of ME?” Jiseok raises his voice, eyes glossy with tears as he points to himself.
“No one said it was your fault!” Jooyeon cries out angrily, running his hands through his hair exasperated. “YOU keep acting like everyone fucking hates you! YOU keep exploding at every little thing someone says! IT’S ALL YOU, JISEOK!”
“No one HAS to say it!!” The guitarist argues with a pained expression. “I see the way you all look at each other when I make a mistake! You think I don’t?? I’ve been forcing myself to keep this up for almost a year. I was already clinging onto the hope that maybe just maybe we’ll win the contest and I’ll finally prove to myself that I’m not as fucking worthless as I think I am and what did I do? I fucked up. I made all of that hard work go down the drain because my fingers got slippery.” Jiseok says in one breath, the bassist’s eyebrows frowning and a disgusted expression replacing the anger that was present just a few moments ago.
“Why do you keep doing this?? Blaming everything on yourself, acting like some evil low-life idiot? Jungsu was sick, Gunil messed up the tempo, my bass was barely heard, Hyeongjun’s guitar cable kept buzzing and Seungmin messed up the arrangement!” The younger reminds him, counting on his fingers as he steps closer. “We all fucked up, and yet, you’re the only one that plays victim.”
The words cause Jiseok to blink once, heart dropping to his stomach. “Victim? You think I’m trying to be a victim??” The older scoffs in mock amusement, rubbing his face once before looking back at him. “I’ve been trying to convince myself for a year that sometime soon I’ll finally feel like this is what I’m supposed to do, that this is where I’m supposed to be. For what? To constantly see all of you get better while I get stuck in the same spot I was months ago? To constantly get reminded that if you tried enough even you could be better than me at playing guitar?” Jiseok argues exasperated. “No matter how much I try, no matter how much I pretend, I NEVER GET BETTER! I make the same stupid mistakes, I keep practicing and trying and praying and for what? Huh?”
Jooyeon keeps up a stoic expression, but his heart shatters more and more at each word that leaves Jiseok’s lips. Hearing a person that you hold so dearly to your heart speak so lowly of themselves and think even lower is a kind of pain no one can understand until it happens to them. The younger’s fists unclench from his side, lips parting as his friend belittles himself more and more.
“If it wasn’t for you there would be no band.” Jooyeon rasps, only to earn a displeased scoff from the other. They know it’s true, but right now, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make it better for Jiseok to think that he was the one to gather everyone and start this because if he didn’t, maybe they wouldn’t be in this sort of situation right now.
“Yeah well, that would’ve been better for everyone.” Is the last thing Jiseok says before leaving without looking back, a perplexed Jooyeon staring at the figure disappearing in front of him, breaths heavy and eyes tired.
When he goes back into the practice room, he freezes at the doorframe, taking in the empty seats. Jooyeon turns his head so his eyes meet Hyeongjun’s, who is currently sitting on the couch with his hands clasped between his thighs while looking at the floor. “Where’s everyone?” Jooyeon’s voice cracks, panic settling in his chest.
“They left…” Hyeongjun rasps, chewing on his bottom lip, before looking up at the younger. “For good.” The guitarist knew Jooyeon wouldn’t take it well. Out of everyone, he was the one that was most determined to keep everything together, even when it seemed impossible, and for the first time ever, he failed.
“Well why didn’t you stop them?!” The bassist raises his voice. “Practice’s not done.” Without another word, Jooyeon makes his way to his spot, putting the bass over his shoulder and turning on the amp. The older man closes his eyes tightly for a moment, holding his breath before letting out a small exhale, glancing with a saddened expression at Jooyeon who was singing his heart out.
Two minutes passed, then five, then twenty, and Jooyeon was still diligently playing and singing as if his life depended on it. Hyeongjun could’ve left. He should’ve. After all, everyone else did, but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t worried, that he didn’t mind the way Jooyeon’s fingers started bleeding all over his strings from the force he was applying on them, because he did.
“Jooyeon, come on…It’s over…let’s go home-” The guitarist tries, voice soft and eyes filled with sorrow as he places a hand on his friend’s shoulder, only to have it jerked away. He knew it wouldn't work. He knew that all he’d get back would be a determined ‘It’s not.’ and be dismissed but he still had to try. So, he sighs before stepping outside and dialing the only person that he knew for a fact Jooyeon would listen to. The only person that could fix this, that could bring everyone back.
The phone rings a couple times, but Jiseok is far too busy being all up in his head to fully register the sound to answer. By the time he pulls the phone out of his pocket, the caller has already hung up. Jiseok stares at Hyeongjun’s name displayed on the screen, thumb hovering over the call button, before sighing and putting it back into his pocket, making his way to the convenience store near their house.
Hyeongjun blames himself for this. Not just partially. He glances back at Jooyeon, head resting against the opened door as he replays the events of today in his head, wondering if keeping quiet the way he always has would’ve resulted in another outcome. Maybe it wouldn’t have tipped Jiseok over the edge, maybe it wouldn’t have destroyed what they worked so hard to build, maybe they’d only have yet another stupid fight, go home and hold on for another day.
FIVE MONTHS AGO: HYEONGJUN
When they first heard about the contest, they thought it would be the perfect opportunity to make their band get some recognition, maybe even bring them closer, but the only thing it did was push them further and further away from each other. They started losing sleep over it, practicing to the point of exhaustion, being jumpy and snappy at every minor inconvenience because of the stress and Hyeongjun is in a constant fight-or-flight mode, always overly weary of conversations and too tired of the fights.
Everyone seems to have a problem with everyone. He doesn’t even understand how it got to this point, it feels like just yesterday they were laughing together after collectively forgetting to bring their own gear for a gig.
He’s trying so hard to understand how things got out of control as much as they did, but deep down he knows the answer. They all dislike burdening others, it’s one thing that they have in common. Before, that brought them closer, sharing that understanding that sometimes letting others see your pain can feel shameful. Him and Seungmin once had a long conversation about it, promising each other to let themselves be more vulnerable with the guys, but it never ended up happening.
It was hard to talk about your hardships to the person in front of you when you knew how hard they had it. It felt selfish, and unfortunately, that is one of the main reasons things got as messy as they did. When Seungmin got broken up with, instead of asking him about it, he remembers giving him a knowing glance when he came back home before quietly getting into his room.
When Gunil missed his parents, he didn’t call out for Jungsu to have a shoulder to cry on. Instead, he locked himself in his room and muffled his sobs into his pillows while listening to his favorite band. Jiseok heard him, but instead of knocking on his door, he closed his eyes tightly and walked past the door, faking ignorance.
Each and every single one of them was a ticking bomb. Instead of relying on each other, they acted as if they were all alone, and that’s exactly how it ended up feeling. Hyeongjun no longer felt like he was part of a special thing with people he loved. He felt as if he was still here out of obligation, because of the comfort of doing what you’ve gotten used to, not because he wanted to but because you were too scared to do something else.
Out of everyone, he might be the one that carries the least resentment for the others. After all, don’t they want the same thing? Aren’t they working towards the same goal? Aren’t they supposed to be a team? Shouldn’t they ask about each other? Trust the others to listen to their issues? Aren’t they supposed to care enough to notice when something’s wrong with one of them?
So how come that even now, when Hyeongjun stares at the email on his phone with a lump in his throat, head buzzing as he reads the words ‘You’ve been dismissed’, he’s expected once again to be there for others before he can try to handle his own problems?
Everyone, since day one, always looked in his direction whenever issues would arrive. Whether it be relationship problems or help with a song part that kept not working, Hyeongjun always seemed to be the one to have the answers. It might be because of his composed demeanor, or his ability to prioritize. Either way, he was always the person the others turned to for help and usually, he didn’t mind it. He never did, except now.
“I kissed Jiseok! I mean- he kissed me, I mean, we both did but you know we were just laying on the grass-” Jooyeon blabbers with wide eyes and unfortunately, Hyeongjun can’t bring himself to care. He can’t. His mind is racing, trying to come up with the most time-effective solution just so he won’t have to embarrassingly admit that he just lost his job and he now needs to find a way to make money so he could still afford his side of rent, and Jooyeon?
Jooyeon is too busy freaking out about his romantic life to care. To notice. The guitarist’s lip twitches, pulse raising as the younger explains the situation in a panicked voice, before he snaps. “I don’t care!Not right now…Please.” Hyeongjun softens his tone for the last part, eyes glued to the floor.
The words take the bassist by surprise, making him fully stop in his tracks with his lips parted. He can tell by the way his friend’s eyes flutter shut and his body slumps that he regrets snapping, but he doesn’t leave the way Hyeongjun expected him to.
Instead, Jooyeon reaches for the other’s phone and quietly reads the e-mail, pursing his lips as an unbearable amount of guilt starts to flood his body. He was so obsessed with his own problems that he didn’t even notice the way Hyeongjun was still wearing outside clothes in the house, something that he usually only did when he was too out of it to care.
Jooyeon doesn’t apologize. Instead, he lets out a small understanding huff before walking over the fridge and grabbing two beers, sitting next to the guitarist. “We’ll figure it out.”
It was a small gesture, but Hyeongjun nearly cried when the cold can of beer touched his hand. It was Jooyeon’s way of saying ‘I see you, I care.’ and that’s more than what he could’ve asked for.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, the tension from before now gone, they each ended up talking about their worries and after a long time, Hyeongjun felt at ease.
“I don’t think anyone would have an issue with it, you know?” He notes, tilting his head to look at Jooyeon. He knew the actual reason they were scared of it, but the reassurance was still something he wanted to give Jooyeon because he would like to believe that he knows them well enough by now to be sure of the fact that they’d be nothing short of happy for them.
“It’s not the guys…” The younger frowns, looking at the ceiling with his head resting against the couch. “If it goes sideways, it’ll affect the band. Isn’t that unfair to everyone?”
Hyeongjun hums, resting his head on the couch as well, looking at the ceiling too. “But if you live like this, isn’t it unfair to you two?”
The words hang in the air as Jooyeon tilts his head towards him, causing Hyeongjun to look back at him as well. As if on cue, the apartment's door swings open, a very frustrated and irritated Jiseok staring at the scene in front of him.
They know how it looks. They also know Jiseok, so him letting out a displeased almost betrayed chuckle didn’t come as a surprise. Jooyeon was about to get up, rush after him, explain, but as soon as he gets up from the couch he blinks.
He doesn’t have to give him an explanation. He doesn’t need to apologize for something that looks wrong. After all, it was Jiseok who started distancing himself first, so why should he be the one to fix things? So, against his initial reaction, he plops back down on the couch and turns on the tv. And Hyeongjun? He doesn’t leave his side.
PRESENT DAY
Ever since that day, things got tense between the two guitarists. Hyeongjun started rolling his eyes at Jiseok’s snarky jealousy remarks that were grounded on nothing really, and Jiseok started taking more offense whenever Hyeongjun would try to discuss technicalities with him.
Jiseok hated how close the two got. It was supposed to be him by Jooyeon’s side. He was supposed to be the one the younger would go to when he’d have a hard time and they were supposed to be special. Yes, he started pulling away, because what else was he supposed to do? Look him in the eyes every single day and have him at arms’ length 24/7 and not kiss him?
Ignoring him and giving Jooyeon the cold shoulder was easier. Getting mad at Hyeongjun for getting closer to his best friend than admitting this never would’ve happened if he wasn’t stupid enough to kiss him was easier too.
All of this just further proved that Jiseok was exactly who he thought he was: a mess of an incompetent asshole that always ruins everything. He can’t play guitar the way he’d like, he can’t sing the way he’d like, he can’t love Jooyeon the way he’d like and now? He can’t even keep together the group he himself was so insistent on creating in the first place. No matter what he did, Jiseok was always stuck in a limbo of negativity that seemed to follow not only him, but everyone who ever dared to get too close. So, wouldn’t it be better if he simply disappeared? If he made it easier for everyone and let go of this so they could finally be happy?
It’s too cold and too late, but the guitarist really couldn’t care less. Being in the middle of the street and drinking a can of beer while looking at the disregarded guitar on the ground sounded ten times better than going home and seeing everyone avoid looking in his direction, blaming him for the way things ended. The worst part is that most of them still had to spend some time living together until they figured out the logistics of everything.
That night, regretful and drunk, Jiseok came back to a dark and quiet apartment, noticing the suitcases waiting at the door. Gunil was the first to pack up his things, having called his parents and Seungmin followed close after. Jungsu and Hyeongjun chose to stay in the apartment, trying to hold onto some sense of normality while Jooyeon well…he never came back home that day.
He knew he couldn’t stand the idea of watching everything fall apart in front of him, so he chose to crash over at a friend's house until the morning. Jiseok could’ve called his parents, go back home, but hasn’t he embarrassed himself enough as it is? So, he simply takes off his clothes and slumps on the bed.
The decision for everything to end was a quiet one. There was no big fight, no yelling and blaming, just a simple “It’s done.” coming from Jiseok’s mouth when he got back. To think back on it, they were cruel, especially to Jooyeon. He didn’t even have a saying in it, didn’t even get to try to make things right.
Resent should overwhelm him, he should be angry at everyone and all them assholes but, he can’t. He’s tired. He’s tired of fighting, of trying, of hoping, so instead of desperately calling them and trying to fix it, he, for once in his life, lets things be.
They all blame themselves for tonight, in their own way. Maybe if Jooyeon tried a bit harder to convince Jiseok and didn’t yell at him, maybe if Hyeongjun didn’t snap, maybe if Jiseok didn’t let his insecurities get the best of him, maybe if Gunil and Seungmin drove to where he was instead of going home, maybe if Jungsu simply said a “No.” and kept playing.
All those maybes and what ifs, clouding their heads. None of them really sleep that night, and in the morning, when Jiseok wakes up, groggy and with a headache, squinting at the light peaking through the window. Everything comes crashing down on him when he hears the faint sound of guitar coming from Hyeongjun’s room.
His eyes widen, snapping his head towards the corner of his room, where his guitar is usually placed, exhaling in terror as he sees the empty spot. “No, no- no, c’mon c’mon-” He jolts out of bed, frantically looking around his room. Jiseok puts his hands in his hair in panic, breaths getting more and more irregular, before checking the time and grabbing his jacket, sprinting out of the house. If he’s quick enough, he might get there before they take the trash out.
It was odd. Something he started hating so deeply, the thing that once made his life have purpose now being the reason he barely wanted to get out of bed, something he should be glad is gone, causing him this much anxiety when it was finally gone.
He’s thought about it, more than once, giving away his guitar, maybe even throwing it. Now, though? Now Jiseok is running for his life after the garbage truck that had the guitar mockingly staring at him. “Hold on! Wait! HEY!!” The guitarist tries desperately, holding his breath as he tries to quicken his pace.
Jooyeon didn’t want to go back to the apartment. He didn’t want to see the way something he once considered home became a painful memory. That’s exactly why he was walking around mindlessly, chewing on his bottom lip. As he waits at the crosswalk, his eyes catch sight of a familiar figure running after a garbage truck, eyes close to popping out of his head once he recognizes the man. “Wha-” He mumbles to himself in surprise, before quickly checking the road for cars and sprinting after Jiseok.
“Hey- Hey! What are you doing?? It’s gone-” Jooyeon breathes heavily, hand resting on the back of his friend, who is now holding onto his knees, resting his head back on the cold tile of the tunnel with a pained expression.
“My guitar…” Jiseok breathes out, rubbing his face in frustration as he refuses to look at the other, causing the younger to widen his eyes more, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Why’s your guitar in there??” Jooyeon asks baffled, searching the guitarist’s eyes, and he can tell he wants to say something, apologize, cry about he was stupid and didn’t realize how much this meant to him until he had it ripped out of his hands and how he was the most ungrateful idiot for not appreciating the guitar and the band overall until it was too late, but he didn't.
Instead, Jiseok just scoffs while trying to walk away while mumbling a resigned “Forget it.”
“Forget what? What do you mean by that?” At that, Jiseok repeats the phrase and Jooyeon lets out a displeased huff, harshly pulling the guitarist close again. “No." A simple sentence. He stares at the older, eyebrows frowned. “Why do you always do this, Jiseok? Why do you always give up without even trying??" The bassist asks in annoyance.
However, his voice still holds softness. It still holds love. Because, after all, even though the person standing in front of him has been feeling like a stranger for the past few months, when he holds his gaze, he can still see him.
His Jiseok.
For some reason, the other's eyes get glossier, licking his lips in guilt. “You think I didn't try?" He croaks out, arm dropping on his side although Jooyeon refuses to let go of his sleeve. "I tried! Fuck I- I tried so much, man…I tried to pretend I'll be okay, I tried to pretend that I don't think I'm an embarrassment and a failure to the guys, that I'm worth something, but guess what? I can't. I- I'm not- I just-"
At this point, Jiseok couldn't see straight, the quickening of his pulse fogging his mind, leaving him too disoriented to form a proper sentence.
Jooyeon's eyes widen, hands now going into the other's shoulders to steady him. “He- Hey- no-" The taller shushes his friend, trying to calm him down cupping his face, eyes searching him. “Hey, look at me. You're not a disappointment. Or a failure, fuck– Jiseok you're the only reason this band exists in the first place!”
The silver haired boy lets tears stain his face with a pained expression, shaking his head. " I fucked up. Because of me everyone– everything– is messed up, I- the band, my guitar, us-”
The last part wasn't meant to be said out loud. Jooyeon can tell by the way his eyes widen and his lips part. He could let it slide, reassure Jiseok some more and run towards the landfill but he sees the way the older man holds his breath, as if terrified of what he just said.
“Us?" Jooyeon whispers, taking a step closer. “There's nothing messed up about us." The bassist breathes out, before pressing his lips on Jiseok's, grounding him by his shoulders and kissing him lovingly.
Jiseok stills for a moment, a small gasp leaving his lips, scared to move. It takes Jooyeon moving one of his hands into the order’s hair to tug him closer while whispering a weakened “Please…”.
A light frown forms on the guitarist's face, before he grabs onto Jooyeon's collar and kisses him back harder, rawer, needier, as if clinging onto him and kissing him was the only thing keeping him alive in this very moment…and maybe it was.
Jooyeon feels as if the earth has been swept from under his legs, cupping the older’s cheeks desperately, not minding the way the kiss gets messier by the second. He doesn’t care about all of the fights, about the way they haven’t had a proper conversation in months, about anything other than this. The feeling of Jiseok’s lips against his. Deliberate this time, sure of himself, not as a stupid mistake done at eleven at night under the stars. “You’re shaking.” Jiseok whispers between kisses with a barely there smile as he holds onto tighter.
That earns him a breathy chuckle from the younger, who is now smiling with teeth, only making the kiss sloppier. “Yeah, you too.” Jooyeon whispers back teasingly as their noses brush together and God he’s so in love it hurts.
Jiseok finds himself laughing in the kiss as his tears get wiped away by the same thumbs that have done so for the past few years. “Shit, stop-” He tries to mumble something about his runny nose, although he does little to no effort in pulling away.
The taller one pulls away just enough to rest his forehead on the guitarist’s, opening his eyes with a chuckle, wiping Jiseok’s nose with his sleeve. He spends a few seconds simply smiling down at his friend, before widening his eyes. “THE GUITAR, FUCK!” Jooyeon screeches, grabbing Jiseok’s hand and rushing after the long gone truck.
Somehow, even now, when everything felt lost and Jiseok felt like the biggest failure known to man kind, no hopes of even trying to get his guitar back, Jooyeon still managed to put a smile on his face and make him let out a wholehearted laugh while running with him, because of course he did.
Seungmin chews on his bottom lip, playing with his finger as he looks at Gunil putting the drumset from the garage in his truck. “Hey…Do you really think we won’t ever see each other again?”
The memories from last night are still fresh in their heads, the sound of drumsticks hitting the ground before the older one picks them up triggering the last words shared between each other.
LAST NIGHT
Jiseok swings the door open, only to find Seungmin and Jungsu argue yet again about how the other’s pacing was off, Gunil lecturing Hyeongjun for yelling at Jiseok, and he just snaps. “It’s done. We’re done.”
The others blink at him, silence evolving the room for a few seconds before Seungmin laughs hysterically. “Ah, that’s it?? We try to make this work against everything and you fuck up once night and decide it’s done?”
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Jungsu turns his head to face the other, before looking back at Jiseok. “And you? You think this is okay? Jiseok, how many times have any of us gotten yelled at by you, huh? How many times did we have to suck it up and move on? Now Hyeongjun calls you out on your bullshit and you just want to leave?”
Hyeongjun, on the other hand, was frozen in place. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do, what to think. The one time it’s more important than ever for him to speak up, to take control of the conversation, to remind everyone that they shouldn’t act on impulse and throw all of their hard work out the window…he stays quiet. All he can do is watch as everything around him falls apart, starting with Gunil throwing his drumsticks on the floor before getting up angrily and reaching for his backpack.
“Gunil, man-” Seungmin tries, only for the older to let out a bitter chuckle, tilting his head towards the synth player.
“I’m so tired of you. Of all of you and– especially of you.” The drummer points to Jiseok’s chest with barely contained anger. “You’re an ungrateful bastard. We’ve all been moving hell and earth just to keep this god forsaken band afloat and you throw it all away because you’re in a bad mood.” He starts, walking towards the door and glancing one last time at the guys. “And you know what? Neither of you are any better. All you ever do is pick fights and act like stupid kids. Grow up.”
Jiseok scoffs annoyedly at the door closing behind him, putting his guitar in its case as Jungsu and Seungmin still argue in the background. Hyeongjun wanted to cry, to scream, but all he could do was watch.
“What the hell is your problem dude? Do you think you’re the only person who got broken up with? Ever since that day you started acting like a whiny little bitch oh my GOD get over it already!!" Jungsu complains exasperated, Seungmin’s head twitching in disbelief.
“Course!! It’s so easy for you to say it!! You’re the whole fucking reason it happened in the first place!” The younger yells, Hyeongjun’s hand still pathetically glued around his guitar, lump in his throat getting bigger and bigger. “If it wasn’t for you getting us a gig the day of my fucking anniversary it would’ve never happened!”
Jungsu rolls his eyes, grabbing his jacket with a scoff. “That relationship was long dead, I did you a favor.” The pianist bites, turning his head to Jiseok. “And you? You can go fuck yourself, yeah? Look at the mess you made. Are you happy with yourself, Jiseok? Huh? Are you fucking satisfied?? All because your stupid pick fell?”
“Guys please let’s just- calm down…” The guitarist tries in a wary tone, placing his instrument on the couch, the loud thud of Jiseok slamming the door behind him echoing in the room.
It doesn’t take long for the other two to follow close behind, leaving Hyeongjun alone, surrounded by instruments and the ghosts of the people he once considered his brothers.
PRESENT DAY
Gunil looks at his worn out drumsticks, lips pursed at the memories rushing through his head. “Who knows…” The man exhales, lazily throwing his drumsticks in the back of his car. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again sometime.” He gives a small smile, before closing the door to his truck, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d swear he saw Jooyeon’s figure sprinting from the other side of the street.
Seungmin seems to have the same impression, because his eyebrows knit together as he takes a few steps forward. “That’s so weird I could swear I just saw-”
Back at their house, Jungsu and Hyeongjun each tried to distract themselves from the current events the best they could: sitting on the cold floor with covers of the songs they once recorded blasting through the headphones and playing on guitar the songs they were working on but never got to release.
Jungsu could still hear the faint sound of Hyeongjun’s guitar resonating through the walls, so when the familiar tune suddenly stops, the pianist gets pulled out of his trance, making his way towards the younger’s room.
The guitarist stares at the phone ringing from the table with uncertainty, blinking in surprise when Jungsu answers. Hyeongjun has to stop himself from smiling, because it doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t want to let himself get his hopes up and dream about this being just another stupid fight that they will eventually make up from, but he can’t help it.
He can’t help it because even though they close to punched each other last night and could barely spend more than five minutes alone in a room without arguing, Jungsu still picked up when the other called. “Jiseok needs help.” Seungmin’s hurried voice comes through the speakers, causing the other two to quickly put on shoes. “Gunil and I are driving to the landmill, it’s his guitar-” At that, the two instantly widen their eyes, rushing out of the house.
It sounds silly, to get this fanatic over a guitar. Especially when it comes to the guitar of the guy that chose to give up on them and the same guy that has been nothing but a ticking bomb lately. But, how could they not care? How could they let Jiseok– impulsive, ungrateful, unaware of how important he is Jiseok, lose one of the most precious things in his life?
They know it’s not about the guitar itself. It’s just a piece of polished wood with some metal strings and he can easily buy another one, but he can’t ever buy this specific one again. Even if he gets the most expensive, exclusive guitar, it won’t be the guitar with which he learned his first song, the guitar that he hugged tightly in relief after getting its broken saddle fixed or hell, even the guitar that he held the first time he fucked up on stage.
No matter how much money he’d spend or how many replacements he could buy, nothing will ever fill the void of losing the one thing that started it all. It was with that guitar that he decided to make the band, and the one he dreaded so much seeing for the past few months.
Jiseok used to pray that one day he’d wake up and his guitar would be gone, so he’d finally have a good enough excuse to give up and let himself prove to everyone just how much he doesn’t care. Yet, here he is, rain pouring down on him as he stares blankly at the container in front of him burning brightly.
No one dares to speak. All they can do is look at the scene in front of them with heavy breaths and pained expressions, barely bringing themselves to look in Jiseok’s direction. This time, Hyeongjun isn’t frozen in place. This time, he acts. He’s the first one to move, hand carefully reaching for the other’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
It hurt more than Jiseok ever thought it would. It felt as if his heart was being ripped open from his chest and stomped on every time a moment even remotely tied to the guitar passed through his head. The man lets his head fall back, looking at the dark sky in resentment, not sure if towards life or his own idiocy, and does the one thing he’s been avoiding ever since he first met: he cried in front of them.
Jiseok has always been a vulnerable and emotional person, and everyone around him knows it, but he liked to pretend he was way more carefree than he actually was. The only one out of everyone here that’s seen him cry multiple times was Jooyeon, so when everyone else notices the red glossy eyes and the tears mixing with the raindrops, the bassist wastes no time in pulling Jiseok into a hug.
To comfort him, to hide him, because he knows the older. No matter how heartbroken and helpless he feels, he is still too embarrassed to let himself break down in front of everyone. So, Jooyeon holds him tightly with a pained expression, closing his eyes when he hears a broken “It’s gone-” as Jiseok’s lips brush against his neck.
Jooyeon hugs the guitarist tighter, everyone sharing a knowing look. Seungmin’s lips press tightly to keep it together and Jungsu holds back his own tears at the sight of one of the strongest people he knows clinging onto Jooyeon as if his entire world crumbled in front of him, when his eyes shift towards Gunil.
It was subtle, almost unnoticeable, but he knows that look. Jungsu, who always yelled at him for being overbearing, for always being all up in everyone’s business and for always trying to help even when they didn’t ask for it, needed him. He needed the person he so often took for granted to guide them, to show them what now.
Gunil takes in the scene in front of him for a brief moment, tilting his head towards Jiseok’s direction, before walking up to him and pulling him into a hug as well. Soon enough, everyone followed him and in no time, Jiseok was now surrounded by the people he so selfishly pushed away because of his own fears.
The same guys that yelled at him for being a bastard and an asshole just a few hours ago were now holding him tightly, because even though they fought and yelled at each other, they were still the best thing in each other’s lives.
Jungsu and Seungmin who just yesterday were going at each other’s throats were now tapping their heads together with a small smile, as if quietly calling the other stupid and Hyeongjun, who yesterday was stuck in his own anxiety, spoke up. “We should grab dinner.”
At that, everyone erupts in a fit of laughter, even Jiseok who now pulled his head out of Jooyeon’s neck to look at him with a baffled frown as the bassist caresses his hair. “Are you paying?”
“Fuck no, Gunil is.” Hyeongjun shakes his head, earning yet another laugh from everyone and the drummer rolls his eyes to pretend his heart isn’t more full than it has ever been.
They still have a lot to talk about, to apologize for, to fix, but one thing was clear: they do want to fix it, they have to. “You know, we never blamed you for what happened at the contest.” Seungmin speaks up while chewing, making the guitarist stop in his tracks, clearing his throat.
“How’d you-” Jiseok tries, making Jungsu chuckle from the other side of the table. Of course, he was stupid to believe they didn’t notice. They might have kept it to themselves, chose to not talk about it and pretend they didn’t see, but at the end of the day, they know each other better than they know themselves.
“Why’d you never talk to us?” Gunil frowns, opening a bottle of soju for the younger and placing it in front of him.
It felt weird, having everyone be so open about their feelings and worries and actually talk things out. It feels as if for the first time in months, they can all finally breathe. Things are still not perfect, obviously. They still need to figure out why the concert took such a bad toll on everyone, if they really are as bad of a match as they seemed to be lately, but finally, after what felt like an eternity, they feel like them again.
Hearing Jiseok talk about how much he’s been struggling with music lately, how bad things got and how he didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems since he already fucked up enough, only resulted in Seungmin smacking Jiseok’s head. “What the hell is wrong with you, man? What the fuck do you mean you suck ass at guitar? Jungsu sucks ass at guitar, not you!”
“HEY!” Jungsu calls out offended, the others letting out an amused snicker at the familiar banter. “Gunil sucks ass more than I do!”
“This is about Jiseok?! How am I still the butt of the joke??” Gunil widens his eyes, scandalized as if his lips aren’t curled into a smile, the unbearable tension that they got so used to somehow completely disappearing before they even realized.
The conversation goes on for hours on end and although they know it’s not as if things can suddenly be perfect and that they’ll most likely still have stupid fights and hate each other from time to time, they suddenly remember why they were here in the first place.
Come to think of it, Jooyeon finds it poetic: the band started because of Jiseok, it ended because of Jiseok and now, against all odds, it was back because of Jiseok. His eyes shift between the guys, a small soft smile plastered on his face as Jiseok and Hyeongjun get into a compliment competition just to prove a point of who’s a better guitarist, and he realizes he finally belongs somewhere.
“I’m gonna go for a smoke.” Jiseok announces after a while, grabbing his jacket, having the other guitarist instantly get up with a quick ‘I’m coming with.’. At that, the silver haired man shoots him a questioning look. “You don’t even smoke.”
“Yeah well, someone’s gotta make sure you come back.” Hyeongjun argues playfully, leaving Jiseok staring at the guys with a dumbfounded expression, mouth wide in shock as they laugh at the exchange, before following the guitarist outside.
Jiseok leans his back against the wall, lighting up his cigarette, playfully offering Hyeongjun a puff, chuckling at the taller giving him a nasty stare. A few seconds of silence pass, before he exhales the smoke, looking at Hyeongjun. “‘m sorry y’know…I know I gave you a harder time than with the other guys.”
The guitarist lets his lips curl into a small smile, watching the ashes fall from the cigarette before looking at his friend, leaning against the wall as well. “It’s okay, if I were you I’d be worried about me and Jooyeon too.” He teases in a small cocky voice, enjoying the way Jiseok stops in his tracks, cigarette between his fingers as it almost falls out of his mouth in shock. “You think I don’t know? With the way you two look at each other, I’d be more surprised if no one else figured it out.”
Jiseok frowns, mind racing with a joke, an excuse, a lie, but nothing comes out. Nothing except a dumbfounded “How-”.
“Tsk, You people really don’t know how to keep your mouths shut around me, that’s how.” Hyeongjun smirks, putting his hands in his pockets with a snicker. He tilts his head amused, scanning over the other’s face, before his expression gets more serious. “I felt like that too, about guitar I mean.” The man sighs, looking at the sky as he talks. “There will always be someone better than you, Jiseok, no matter how much you push yourself.”
“I don’t want to be the best, though.” The older rasps, looking at the sky as well. “Just wanna feel enough, know I’m not a failure…” His voice drifts away, exhaling the smoke as his fingers brush his bottom lip. “Maybe I’m just not supposed to keep doing this, maybe I should just- find something else.”
At that, Hyeongjun laughs softly, beaming at the older. “You just had a breakdown because you saw your guitar burst into flames and you want me to believe this isn’t it for you?” The younger argues, earning a resigned chuckle from Jiseok, whose heart felt just a tiny bit lighter. “We don’t have to sell out stadiums or have world tours, y’know?” Hyeongjun continues, a small smile present on his face. “We can just have fun and play in the sketchy bars Jungsu somehow keeps finding and if along the way we make some money that’s great, but I thought you started this because you needed an escape. Why would you let it turn into the reason you feel like you need to escape?”
“But what if the reason we don’t make it big it’s because I’m here? Like if instead of me there was someone else-” Jiseok starts, immediately being interrupted by the other.
“If instead of you there was someone else, there wouldn’t be a band to begin with, Jiseok.” Hyeongjun reminds him, as if offended. “I can’t make your worries go away, neither of us can, but you can’t let yourself fuck up something good because of them. I’m not going to let you.” The younger frowns determined, voice sterner but still soft. “I look up to you, you can’t drop it like it’s nothing.”
The sentence takes the other guitarist by surprise, staring at his friend for a few moments, before laughing lightly. “Yeah, right.” He shakes his head, taking another puff of his cigarette, before blinking. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“Of course I’m serious!” Hyeongjun exclaims, exasperated. “Joining this band is the sole reason I didn’t give up guitar back then!” He admits, and it’s as if Jiseok gets to look at him, really look at him, for the first time.
Hyeongjun was probably the most impressive guitarist he’s ever seen and overall one of the most unique people he’s met, and sometimes, because of how good he is at what he does, it’s easy to forget that really, he’s one of the youngest ones in the group.
Yet, at this moment, when his eyes meet Hyeongjun’s wide ones, pout present on his lips, he feels like he’s back to that day. The day when a nervous, quiet, low ponytail Hyeongjun showed up with a guitar over his shoulder for the band audition because his case broke. “Why didn’t I know that?” is all Jiseok manages to rasp out.
“Pft, as if you need even more of an ego boost than you already have…” The younger mumbles, biting back a smile when he finds himself being pulled into a side hug with an emotional Jiseok looking at him. That’s when the door to the restaurant opens, Jooyeon looking at them with a raised eyebrow. “I’m gonna go talk about the next band practice with the guys…” Hyeongjun clears his throat knowingly, biting the inside of his cheek as he pulls away.
“What band??” Jiseok calls out, making the other turn around to stare at him unimpressed.
“The band that’s sitting at table five! That band!!” He echoes before closing the door behind him, earning an amused snicker from the bassist.
Jiseok shakes his head, the corners of his lips curled up as he rests his back on the wall again. “He’s really gonna force me back into the band, huh?” The guitarist hums impressed, looking at the streetlight in front of him.
A small chuckle comes out of Jooyeon who stands next to the older, making sure their shoulders brush. “You were already back in the band the moment we had a romantic group hug in the rain while surrounded by trash~” The bassist jokes, grinning when Jiseok stares at him threateningly for bringing up the vulnerable moment.
They enjoy comfortable quietness for a bit, and yet, Jiseok can’t help but avoid the other’s gaze. Even if he’d like to focus on the way the smoke dissolves into the air, or the wet cement, all he can do is be hyperaware of how close Jooyeon is. All he can think about is how earlier today their lips were pressed against each other and how he can still feel the faint tingle of his friend’s lips against his. “We have to talk.” Jooyeon whispers, bumping his shoulder against the other’s, making him wake up from his trance.
“Do we really have to?” Jiseok grimaces as the bassist chuckles. He doesn't want to talk. Hell, he doesn’t even want to acknowledge it, because that means owing up to his shit, and that’s the last thing the guitarist knows how to do. It doesn’t help that Jooyeon is suffocatingly close and he can smell the cologne that brings him more comfort than anything else, and how his heart skips every time their shoulders brush.
“I mean, would you rather we talk back home, in your bed, with the door locked so you can’t run away? ‘cuz we can do that too.” Jooyeon rasps smugly in the other’s ear, laughing softly when Jiseok pushes him away with a groan. The younger looks down at the guitarist with a loving smile, eyes scanning over his face. He doesn’t care about pretending anymore, or holding back. The small yet intense moment they shared earlier today has been replaying in his head for the past few hours and he’d be damned if he lets it be a one time thing only.
Jiseok glances at him putting the cigarette out on the ground, and braces himself, closing his eyes tightly. The taller’s lips twitch in endearment, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Open your eyes, Jiseok.” He instructs, and when the other does, Jooyeon’s heart falls to his stomach. Admiring the guitarist has always been part of his default mode but right now, under the dim street lights, after everything that happened, somehow, his heart felt even fuller of love than before.
They know each other like the back of their hands, and that also means Jooyeon being painfully aware that having this type of talk in front of a restaurant with people constantly passing by isn’t something Jiseok would want. “You’re starting to make me think you’re embarrassed of me.” Jooyeon teases with a small smile.
The guitarist sneers, resting his head against the wall and looking up at the other. “Do you want some romantic confession or something? ‘cuz you’re not gonna get it.” He holds back a smile, taking another cigarette out of the pack and lighting it.
Jooyeon takes the cigarette out of Jiseok’s lips before he gets to inhale the smoke, moving to a single-leg wall lean one foot raised as he takes a puff, exhaling the air upwards. “Nah, I already got it.” He argues smugly, making the older turn his head to look at him with a questioning stare. “You kissed back.” The bassist whispers into Jiseok’s ear, a shiver running down the guitarist’s spine.
It’s a simple answer. It’s not an over the top sentimental declaration or an emotional tear-filled confession, but it's them. Jiseok glances down, failing to bite back a smile and feeling incredibly embarrassed of the heat he can feel spreading on his cheeks.
Admittedly, Jooyeon is putting up a pretty nice front, he could even blame the blush on his cheeks on the cold air. He thought he had the upper hand, until “It wasn’t a mistake.” Jiseok confesses, to which the bassist stops in his tracks, cigarette halfway to his lips. “Back then either.” He finishes, and Dammit it’s annoying how easy it is for Jiseok to get the upper hand.
So, here he is, stupidly staring at Jiseok, lips slightly parted as the ash falls on his boot and his heart is stuck in his throat. He knew. Well, he assumed, but still…hearing it from him, so clearly, so confidently, like it was ridiculous he even had to clarify it, leaves him speechless.
Jiseok raises his head to look at his friend again, a small laugh escaping. “You look so stupid right now.” He tries, but his eyes give it away. They hold the type of spark Jooyeon’s only ever seen from him when he talked about guitar.
“And I really want to kiss you.” Jooyeon blurts out, not minding Jiseok taking the cigarette out of his mouth and putting it in his, taking a puff before handing it back with a quiet ‘There’. The younger raises his eyebrows as he takes a puff as well but doesn’t retort anything back. Instead, he simply switches the hand with which he holds his cigarette so he can wrap his arm around Jiseok’s shoulders to hold him close.
For a second, the older stills, but he quickly lets his shoulders relax, sighing while looking down at their feet. “‘m sorry. For everything…”
“You’ve been saying a lot of sorrys for the past few hours, y’know? We made a bet on how many times you’ll say it by the end of the night.” Jooyeon chimes playfully, grunting when the guitarist elbows his side.
“I’m trying to be mature and shit, can’t you people appreciate it?” Jiseok mumbles with a scoff, but he still lets out a laugh. It’s funny to think about it: they’ve all been at each other’s throats for almost a year and yet one random night after everything fell apart, here they are, back to being them.
“Ay~I know.” The bassist hums, caressing Jiseok’s hair gently then speaking into his ear. “I bet like fifty bucks with Jungsu you’ll say it twenty six times though, so if they ask…” He tries, apologizing with a grin when the other shoots him another death stare. And because he likes to see Jiseok’s dimples show whenever he tries to press his lips together just to not smile because he thinks Jooyeon is annoying even though he so obviously wants to, he blows air once into his ear.
After a few attempts of pulling away just to get pulled closer and have his head rest on Jooyeon’s shoulder, Jiseok puts his hands in his jacket in surrender. “It’s okay, really. It’s not like I was any better.” Jooyeon admits, fixing the older’s hair. “I missed you.”
The silver haired man looks up at his friend for a few seconds, before pulling away, walking towards the entrance. Jooyeon stares at him dumbfounded, heart dropping just a little as insecurity starts creeping up in his chest. He clears his throat, putting his cigarette down and decides to plaster a smile on his face, although he knows Jiseok is going to see right through it. “We still need to talk, though? You didn’t even say you missed me too!”
At that, Jiseok gives him a lopsided smile before turning his attention back to the door. “You said we can talk in my room.” The older rasps suggestively, glancing at him one last time before opening the door. “And I’d rather show you than tell you.”
The words take a few moments to fully register in Jooyeon’s brain, standing in the middle of the entrance with his mouth agape as his friend makes his way to the table. The bassist gets bumped by a couple entering the restaurant. “In your room, right. Show. Yes. I-” He clears his throat getting pulled out of his trance before making his way to the table.
Everyone knew, and if they had any doubts, the way Jooyeon’s face was a shade of hot red and Jiseok avoided everyone’s eyes was more than enough proof. They pretend they don’t see though, that they don’t notice the way they sit slightly closer so their knees brush. When they’re ready, they’ll say it.
Besides, there’s more pressing matters right now, such as “I say we try it next year.” Gunil offers, taking a sip from his drink, Jiseok’s eyes widening. “Okay look- I know the contest really took a toll on us this year but, if we can do it again and do it better this time, won’t it feel rewarding?”
“And what if we just go back to screaming matches and constant depression?” Seungmin frowns, not convinced by the drummer’s idea. “This guy pretty much told all of us to go fuck ourselves YESTERDAY.”
Jiseok raises his hand in defence as the younger squints at him, holding the half filled glass in the other. “Hey I did NOT say that!” The guitarist scoffs, shoulders slumping. “I still feel like…I don’t know…That maybe this isn’t for me.”
Jungsu purses his lips at the saddened look on the younger’s face, before speaking softly. “You might never get out of that, though. Isn’t it better to at least try to have some fun and make it more bearable?”
“Yeah, that’s why I said it too.” Gunil nods with wide eyes, searching for Jiseok’s eyes. “Back then we got into the contest to win, that’s why we ended up like this. Look, if the time comes and we don’t feel like it, we don’t go, but we can at least try.”
A small smile appears on Hyeongjun’s face at the familiar atmosphere he so painfully missed, nodding as well. “And if you still think you suck, we’ll just make Gunil play guitar to you for a bit.”
Everyone erupts into a fit of laughter, even Gunil whose complaints get muffled by the sound of his own laugh. “GUYS COME ON????”
Things aren’t fixed. Far from it. Jiseok still has his own worries, they still don’t know if they can truly and fully go back to the way they were, but they are so ready to try. No matter how many times they need to break and put themselves together, they know one thing: when one of them falls, there’s five people willing to bend their backs backwards to help in any way possible and if even that doesn’t work, they’ll still be there.
At the end of the day, this is what they’re fighting for. Them. The bond of six guys that are too different to agree on which movie to watch together but that at the same time, all have too much to say through music to let it go to waste.
THE END
@nineooooo @onedumbho3 @nomatterjoo
(this is not edited and proof read so apologies for that maybe some day i will get to it but pls be understanding it's like 32 pages kasjakd)
Hi hi so i've been working insane for a fic inspired in the lost and found mv (i started writing it when the teaser came out) and it's jiseok centered but everyone has a horrible time and there's also a side (big side) of jooseok romance angst hurt comfort friends to kinda lovers (blame the mv not me) and i'm already 20 pages in
not a y/n fic bc it's about the mv, jiseok main character, jooseok stuff, angst-comfort, happy(? ending, everyone fights with everyone etc.
so please like this or repost or comment if you'd like me to tag you when it's done 😭 ♥
“THAT’S IT, BABY…” Jooyeon grunts, low and heady, as you roll your hips against his lap in a sensual pace.
Every nerve in his body is set alight, buzzing to feel more of the pleasure only you can offer him. But at the same time, you've never seen him so... quiet, so restrained, melting flushed under your touch while the smoke coils around his handsome face, twisting in the dim light.
Maintaining the easy rhythm, cunt throbbing around him, you rock back and forth, moaning breathily as your slick walls take every inch of his length.
Jooyeon watches with heavy, steady eyes - how you bite down on your lip to suppress a whimper, how your brows knit together from the rush; your pretty boobs spilling free from your clinging top as you brace hands against him.
He brings the cigarette to his lips with unhurried motion, and you can't look away... He inhales, eyes half-closed, curl of smoke slipping from his mouth.
The sight stirs something inside you... It's not the cigarette that you find tempting, but the ease of his actions, the kind of ease he brings to everything so effortlessly.
How gorgeous he is even when welcoming back a bad habit.
“Fuck,” he hisses, head tilting back. He can feel every single drag of your pussy walls, firm and hot from all sides. “Mm, baby... missed you so much.”
The words escape him before he can stop himself, like another ribbon of smoke, shifting the air between you with something thick and dark.
When he lifts his gaze to you, your expression is focused yet needy, so arousing, as you start to chase the mutual heat just a little bit faster. Your walls flutter harsher, making him groan at the perfect thrill.
“There’s my girl,” he mutters, cigarette dangling between his fingers. His spare hand finds your breast, squeezing as he leans forward to bring his mouth to your collarbone. Few wet kisses later, his own breath begins to shudder out of him as you slow the pace, only to lift up, then grind back down, cockhead nudging the spot that makes your eyes water from delight. “Fuck, beautiful.”
You stutter out a whimper, heat instantly rising to your cheeks. The lewd sound of your skin meeting his lap elevates between you as you drop again and again. Jooyeon’s voice going raspier at your ear brings butterflies in your belly, and slightly lower, there's pleasure coiling deep and tight.
Until he looks into your eyes, resting the cigarette on your bottom lip.
The next moment, his fingers press into your ass, rough and secure; his hips meet your next movement with a swift, shallow roll, driving his cock deeper inside you.
Before you can respond with anything, he's helping you out bounce on him, low, needy groans spilling from his throat as you match his rhythm. All you can do is dig nails into his shoulders and keep up as his grip on your cheeks leaves its inevitable marks.
“Pussy made for me,” he babbles, giving you a light smack before steadying his grip again. “You were made for me, pretty girl…”
Oh, how you missed him too. You can feel it blooming in your chest, tender and consuming. You take the cigarette between your fingers, ember still burning, and you lean in to kiss him.
After another show, Gunil was still buzzing with energy, yet drenched in exhaustion and sweat. Glitter clung to his skin, his makeup smudged, and he felt sticky, messy, human.
You were there too, cheering in the crowd like a true fangirl (and you really were one), and now you looked just as chaotic, streaks of glitter in your hair, makeup smudged by the heat and the thrill of watching your boyfriend on stage, shining like he belonged to another world.
“We look like two glittery pigs,”
You joked, laughing as you both entered the hotel room, fingers still intertwined.
Gunil chuckled, holding your backpack for you. You’d only be staying the night before heading home in the morning.
You stretched your back, wandering lazily around the room while he dropped the bag in the corner. Reaching for your towel, you noticed him doing the same. Without realizing it, both of you ended up at the bathroom door, at the exact same time, for the exact same reason.
“Ah! You can go first."
You said quickly, a shy smile tugging at your lips, suddenly feeling like you were intruding.
He shook his head, laughing softly.
“It’s okay… I don’t mind if we go together.”
Your breath caught. For a moment you just stood there, cheeks warm, eyes wide. He blinked, realizing what he’d just said.
“Oh- I mean, only if you want to! I don’t know why I said that,”
He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.
“You can go first, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay,”
You murmured, smiling faintly, eyes dropping to your feet.
“We can go together.”
“Sure,”
He said simply, though inside, poor Gunil was falling apart, trying not to look too eager, too flustered. He’d wanted this closeness for so long.
You both stepped into the small bathroom, the door closing softly behind you. The air felt heavier, humid, expectant. You held your towel against your chest, your eyes curious.
“You can hang your towel here,”
he said gently, pointing to the hook beside his own blue one.
You did, smiling faintly as you noticed them side by side, such a small, intimate image that made your chest ache with tenderness. You imagined a life like that: mornings and nights shared in the quiet.
“Should I… turn around?”
he asked softly, watching you with that careful, respectful gaze.
It took you a second to understand, to remember that, to shower, clothes had to come off. He had seen you before, but this was different. This time, it felt real.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to,”
you whispered, voice almost lost in the steam.
He nodded anyway, turning his back to you. In one fluid motion, he lifted his shirt and set it on the counter. You watched as his skin came into view; warm, bronze, dotted with tiny freckles across his shoulders. The muscles in his back shifted as he moved, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe.
When you finally gathered yourself, you took advantage of his turned back to slip out of your top and black skirt, left standing in simple underwear. The air between you seemed to shimmer.
Gunil, now in nothing but his boxers, turned to you with a gentle smile.
“Are you okay? I can step out if you want,”
he offered, opening the shower door.
“I’m okay,”
you smiled softly, and for a moment, the vulnerability of your bodies seemed so small compared to the quiet intensity in your eyes.
You both shed the rest of your clothes slowly, as if undressing a secret. The sight of him, strong yet gentle, skin kissed with tiny freckles, made your chest tighten. He looked at you too, taking in your curves, the glow of your skin under the bathroom light, the soft rise and fall of your breath.
He smiled, that small, honest smile of his, and turned on the water, checking the temperature with his hand.
“Feels good to me. What do you think?”
he asked, glancing at you.
You stepped closer, the warmth of his skin brushing yours.
“It’s perfect,”
you said with a small grin.
He took your hand, pressing a light kiss to your knuckles before guiding you under the stream. The water cascaded down your bodies, mingling, merging, laughter spilling softly between you.
“Can I wash your hair? I heard the hotel shampoo’s good,”
he teased, water dripping down his face, his grin wide and boyish.
“Besides, you’re covered in glitter.”
You laughed, nodding, then leaned in, just enough to press a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. His breath caught, and then he turned, meeting your lips fully under the running water. The kiss was slow, unhurried, the kind that says I see you. His hands brushed your cheeks, and your sighs filled the echoing space.
You smiled against his mouth before pulling back, playful now.
“Don’t forget to actually wash my hair,”
you teased.
He laughed, grabbing the shampoo.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Kim Jungsu
It was your first trip together, and honestly, everything seemed to be falling apart.
The flight was delayed, Jungsu’s suitcase got lost, and when you finally reached the hotel, you found out your reservation hadn’t even been confirmed. The only room left was the worst one in the place, one bed, one shower, and a faint smell of old air and dust.
With no other choice, you both just laughed it off and headed upstairs. The wallpaper was peeling, the bed creaked at every step, but somehow, with Jungsu beside you, even the worst day felt lighter. You had been laughing since morning, finding little reasons to turn frustration into amusement.
“This place looks like it’s straight out of a horror movie. Psycho, maybe,” he joked, and you burst out laughing, shaking your head as you sat on the bed that groaned in protest, making you both laugh even harder.
“Okay, we need a shower and a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be better, I can feel it,” you said, smiling as you pulled your towel from the suitcase.
Jungsu reached for his too, flashing that soft, boyish grin that always made your chest flutter.
“Do you… um, want to go with me?” you asked, leaning against the bathroom door with a shy smile.
"I mean, the bathroom here is probably even scarier."
He froze for a second, his ears turning red before he managed a small, bright-eyed smile.
“Sure,” he murmured, stepping closer. His tall frame passed by you, brushing your shoulder lightly as he entered the small bathroom lit by a flickering yellow light. The tiles were old, the mirror fogged at the edges, and there wasn’t even a hook for the towels, so you both left them tangled together on the counter.
“Could you, um… turn around? Or I might have a heart attack,” he said softly, half-laughing.
You giggled, shaking your head but turning away. The quiet rustle of clothes filled the air, and you bit your lip, your heart racing. Jungsu’s soft breathing was the only sound between you, steady but trembling.
Then, you began undressing too, starting with your shirt. Behind you, Jungsu let out a startled cough, shy, flustered. When you finally stood there, bare and still facing away, silence settled again. Just the sound of two hearts beating in rhythm.
“You can… turn around,” he stammered gently.
You turned slowly, keeping your gaze on his flushed face so he wouldn’t feel too exposed, but it was clear he was already lost in the sight of you. His face was crimson, his arms folded across his chest as if to shield himself from your gaze.
“Hey… don’t hide,” you said softly, stepping closer. “You’re beautiful.”
He let out a small, shaky laugh, lowering his arms.
“You’re beautiful too. So much.”
You smiled, brushing past him to step into the shower. He followed, still a little clumsy and bashful.
The water came down in a sudden burst, cold.
“Ah! That’s freezing!” he yelped, jumping back, making you laugh so hard your eyes watered.
“Okay, okay, I’ll fix it. Hold on,” you chuckled, adjusting the tap until the stream turned warm. Jungsu stood beside you, hair already damp, looking like a drenched kitten. Droplets ran down his smooth skin, glimmering in the dim yellow light.
“Better?” you asked softly.
He tested the water with his hand and nodded.
“Yeah… much better,” he said, stepping under the stream. Water cascaded over his shoulders, down his chest, and you couldn’t help but sigh quietly at how gentle he looked.
“Come here,” he whispered, reaching for your hands and guiding you beneath the water with him.
“It won’t fit both of us!” you laughed, trying to back away, but he only laughed too, wrapping his arms around you from behind.
“It fits just fine,” he murmured against your neck, voice low and warm. “See? We fit.”
O.de (Oh Seungmin)
You were feeling awful.
After walking home under a storm the night before, the rain had settled into your bones and bloomed into a fever.
Your head throbbed, your skin burned, yet you couldn’t stop shivering.
Still, things didn’t feel unbearable.
Not with Seungmin there.
From the start, he hadn’t left your side.
He checked your temperature, made soup, tucked you into layers of blankets, pressed gentle kisses against your forehead, claiming it would make you heal faster, and always found a way to make even the bitter medicine a little sweeter.
But the fever wouldn’t break.
You felt light, dizzy, floating between warmth and chills.
“Sweetheart…” he murmured, sitting at the edge of the bed, his hand brushing softly against your cheek.
“What do you think about a cold shower? It might help bring your temperature down.”
You groaned, curling deeper into the sheets.
“A cold shower? It sounds freezing.”
“I’ll go with you,” he said, his voice low and tender, a small smile tugging at his lips.
You didn’t even think twice, just nodded weakly, letting him pull the blankets away. His arms came around your waist, strong and reassuring, guiding you to your feet. He pressed a kiss into your hair before walking you toward the bathroom.
“Could you- maybe help me with my clothes?” you mumbled with a faint laugh. “I feel like if I move too much, I’ll collapse.”
He chuckled softly, though his eyes searched yours for permission.
“Are you sure? You can tell me to stop anytime, okay? I don’t want to cross any line.”
You met his gaze, feeling that quiet trust fill the room like light.
“I’m fine, Min. You take care of me better than anyone. You deserve a bath too, even if it’s freezing.”
He smiled, that small, shy smile that made his dimples appear, before lifting the hem of your oversized shirt, the one that had once been his. He left you in your simple underwear, then peeled off his own shirt and sweats, standing before you in nothing but his boxers.
You couldn’t help it, your eyes lingered.
His body was beautiful in an effortless way: narrow waist, broad shoulders, the delicate lines of his collarbone catching the bathroom light. Your head pulsed, and for a moment, you couldn’t tell if it was the fever or something else entirely.
“Hey, no staring,” he teased, covering his chest dramatically, making you laugh.
You covered your eyes playfully. “Fine, fine.”
“Alright, serious business now,” he said, stepping into the shower and turning the knob to cold. The sound of rushing water filled the space, echoing off the tiles.
“Why can’t we just take a normal hot shower like every other couple?” you complained from behind him.
“Because,” he said, glancing over his shoulder with that soft grin, “you’re sick, and we need to cool you down. And besides, we’re not every other couple.”
He opened his arms, inviting you in.
You sighed in defeat and stepped forward, pressing your burning skin against his cooler body. Your chests met, your breaths mingled, the warmth between you almost enough to defy the cold.
“On three,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around you.
“One… two… three.”
You shut your eyes tight as the icy water cascaded over both of you, sharp and shocking, stealing your breath for a second.
“It’s so cold, Seung!” you squealed, trying to wriggle free, but he only laughed, tightening his arms around you.
“Hey, hey… just a little longer. You’ll get used to it. Trust me.”
He kissed your cheek, his voice warm against the chill, his hand drawing slow circles on your back.
And somehow, you did get used to it.
Gaon (Kwak Jiseok)
He came home drunk that night.
Jiseok had said he was going out with his bandmates for a few drinks, and no one expected him to be such a lightweight. After just a few glasses of soju, his words were slurred, his cheeks pink, and he couldn’t stop talking about you; crying, even, when he said how beautiful you were. Everyone laughed, and Jooyeon filmed it all, promising to use it as blackmail later.
“I should be home with her right now…” he mumbled, swaying in his seat.
That was Jungsu’s cue to take him home before things got worse.
He called you first, and though your voice carried worry, he assured you Jiseok was fine, just a little too sentimental for his own good.
When the doorbell rang, you already knew who it was.
“Ji! You’re here,” you said as you opened the door, relief washing over you. Jiseok’s flushed face lit up the moment he saw you, and he stumbled out of Jungsu’s arms straight into yours.
“My love!” he mumbled, half-asleep, showering your face with clumsy kisses that smelled strongly of soju.
You waved goodbye to Jungsu and closed the door behind you, still holding onto your clingy, drunken boyfriend.
“Okay, you need a shower,” you said, trying not to laugh as he swayed in your arms.
“But I’m fine…” he pouted, and you sighed in disbelief.
“Seriously, Jiseok. You need to sober up.”
“Hey, don’t call me that,” he whined. “Where’s the ‘baby,’ ‘love,’ ‘sweetheart’? Don’t be mad, baby. I just… went a little overboard.”
You led him into the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet lid. Despite yourself, you smiled, he was unbearably affectionate when drunk.
“Okay, my baby,” you said softly, brushing your thumb over his warm cheek, “can you please take a shower? Then we can sleep together after.”
“Come with me then… please.” His pout deepened as he leaned into your hand.
You froze for a second.
“But…”
“I’m not that drunk. I mean it.” He took your hand from his cheek and kissed it gently. “Please?” he whispered, almost shyly.
You couldn’t help but smile.
“Alright- but no funny business,” you teased, pointing a finger at him.
“I swear. I promise,” he said, his eyes bright with relief and something tender.
Still a little dizzy, he stood up and fumbled with his clothes, nearly tripping as he tried to pull off his Green Day shirt.
“Careful, Ji,” you laughed, slipping off your own shirt.
He froze for a moment when he noticed, his blush deepening as he realized you were undressing too. You couldn’t help glancing at him, slim frame, soft lines, small moles scattered over his stomach.
“Don’t stare!” he whined, still wrestling with his pants until he was finally bare.
“I’m not!” you lied, now blushing yourself as you finished undressing.
He grinned as he turned on the shower, steam filling the air. “Come on, come here,” he said, holding his hand out to you.
You stepped in beside him, the warm water cascading over both of you.
“Mmm… this feels good,” he murmured, tilting his head back, letting the water run down his hair and face.
“I told you you’d feel better,” you said with a small smile.
He rested his head on your shoulder, arms sliding around your waist.
“It feels good because you’re here, silly,” he whispered, his voice soft against your skin.
You chuckled. “I could still walk out and leave you in here all drunk, you know.”
He shook his head quickly, pressing small kisses along your shoulder.
“Nooo… and I’m not drunk,” he muttered between kisses that wandered up your arm.
“Of course you’re not,” you teased, running your fingers through his wet hair, the gesture making him melt against you.
And later, when you both realized you’d forgotten the towels, you ended up dripping water all over the floor, laughing as Jiseok clung to you, shivering and mumbling that it was “way too cold without you.”
Junhan (Han Hyeongjun)
You had prepared a surprise for him.
Lately, Junhan had been running on empty. Rehearsals, recording sessions, sleepless nights. He often complained that it had been forever since he’d had the time for a real bath, the kind that made him feel human again. Every time he said it, your heart ached a little.
So, tonight, you decided to fix that.
A warm bath waited for him, water steaming, bubbles overflowing, the scent of his favorite bath salts wrapping the room in calm.
“Okay… I’m getting nervous, and that’s not something I usually do,” he laughed as you guided him toward the bathroom, your hands gently covering his eyes.
“Relax. That’s literally the point,” you teased, smiling as you led him forward.
“We’re in… the bathroom?” he asked, his brows furrowing beneath your palms.
“No questions, Detective,” you said with a laugh. “Alright… three, two, one.”
You lifted your hands from his eyes, revealing the glowing, fragrant surprise in front of him.
For a heartbeat, Junhan just stood there, stunned.
“My god, you did all this?” he asked, turning slowly toward you, his smile flickering between awe and disbelief.
“Yes,” you said softly. “You deserve it.”
You pressed a loud, playful kiss to his cheek, earning a laugh as he took your hands in his.
“You can enjoy it. I’ll be in the kitchen finishing dinner,” you added, ready to slip away.
But as you tried to pull your hands back, he tightened his hold. His eyes dropped, hesitating, cheeks flushing.
“Would you… maybe want to join me?” he asked quietly. “You’ve been working hard too. You deserve it as much as I do.”
You felt your heart soften at his shy sincerity. Junhan rarely asked for things so directly, he usually spoke through small gestures, quiet touches. You wanted to honor that.
“Of course,” you said, smiling warmly.
He nodded, his smile small but genuine, still not meeting your eyes.
“Could you… turn around for a moment? Just until I get in?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.
“Of course, love. You don’t need to be shy,” you reassured him, turning your back.
You heard the soft rustle of clothes being removed, the faint thud as they hit the floor, and then the sound of him lowering himself into the water, a quiet sigh of relief escaping his lips.
“You can turn around now.”
When you did, you saw only his dark hair floating among the bubbles, his hands covering his face.
“You can, um… take your clothes off too,” he mumbled, voice muffled, his hands still hiding his eyes.
“Right,” you said with a nervous little laugh, quickly undressing.
He grew restless at the sound of you moving, and then froze when you slipped into the bath opposite him. The warm water rippled around you, your legs brushing under the surface, the contact soft but electric.
“You can look now,” you whispered.
He slowly lowered his hands, his cheeks immediately turning pink as his eyes met yours. You both smiled; shy, awkward, sweet.
“Look at this,” you said playfully, scooping up a handful of foam and smearing it across your upper lip like a mustache. “Would you still love me if I had one?”
He laughed, really laughed, for the first time in days, the sound echoing softly in the steamy air.
“I don’t think I could,” he teased, flicking a bit of water at you.
“Hey!” you giggled, turning your head as another splash hit your cheek, both of you breaking into laughter.
The tension melted with the bubbles, replaced by something warm and easy.
Lee Jooyeon
After a quiet afternoon walk in the park, the sky suddenly broke open, rain pouring down as if the world itself was collapsing. You and Jooyeon had gone there on foot, and your home wasn’t exactly close, so the two of you ran hand in hand through the storm, laughing breathlessly as the rain soaked you to the bone.
When he finally unlocked the door, you both stumbled inside, shivering from the cold. Your clothes clung uncomfortably to your skin, hair dripping onto the floor, shoes squelching with every step.
“My love, you need to shower before you catch a cold,” he said softly, his voice trembling with the chill. You both walked toward the bedroom together.
“You too… You can go first,” you said, tossing him one of the towels you’d just taken from the wardrobe. He caught it midair, his eyes flicking toward you.
For a moment, Jooyeon went quiet. He paused at the bathroom door, glancing at you with a strangely hesitant look. It wasn’t like him, his cheeks were already turning a faint pink.
“Um… maybe we could, I don’t know, shower together? Just so we don’t get sick, you know?” His tone was playful, but his raised eyebrows betrayed the nervousness behind the suggestion.
You laughed, shaking your head, trying to mask your own sudden shyness. “Just admit it’s an excuse to see me naked, you pervert!” you teased, pointing at him as he raised his hands in mock surrender.
“Fine, fine, have it your way,” he said with a crooked smile, still blushing but trying to sound confident. “Catch a cold instead of enjoying a hot shower with your ridiculously handsome boyfriend.”
Rolling your eyes playfully, you crossed your arms. “Well, since you insist…” You brushed past him toward the bathroom. He blinked, surprised that you had actually agreed, then smiled, awkward but clearly thrilled.
He followed you inside, closing the door gently behind him. You hung your towel beside the shower; he mirrored your movements quietly, the sound of dripping rain filling the silence between you.
You stood facing each other, both a little uncertain.
“I think… to shower, you actually have to take your clothes off,” he joked.
“Oh really? That’s not how I usually do it,” you replied, and he laughed, the tension breaking for a moment.
He cleared his throat and met your eyes once more before pulling off his soaked T-shirt. You couldn’t help but hold your breath. The wet fabric clung to his skin before he tossed it to the floor, arms crossing shyly over his chest as a small, embarrassed smile curved his lips.
He wasn’t overly muscular, but there was something quietly beautiful about him, the faint definition of his shoulders, the way the droplets of rain traced down his bronzed skin.
You swallowed hard, pretending to clear your throat, and pulled your own shirt off carefully, left in a simple bra. When you looked up again, he was already completely naked, nervously laughing.
“You’re fast,” you said, fighting with your soaked jeans until you almost lost your balance. “Ah!”
Jooyeon burst into laughter, catching your hand before you could fall. “Careful,” he chuckled, still grinning as you steadied yourself.
“Thanks,” you said softly. He glanced at you quickly, then looked away with a faint blush.
“Seriously though,” he murmured, his fingers brushing yours, “if this feels uncomfortable for you, I can step out.”
You shook your head gently. “I’m fine, Joo. Really.”
You smiled, taking his hand and pulling him under the shower with you.
The warm water hit the cold tiles with a soft hiss, steam curling around your bodies. Jooyeon stepped beneath the stream, tilting his head back as his muscles relaxed under the heat. Then he pulled you close, your body pressed against his, both of you standing beneath the shower as the water flowed over you, washing away the chill, the rain, the world outside.
You slipped your arms around his neck, your fingers tangling in his damp hair. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, then another to your cheek, his lips warm despite the mist.
“I want to stay like this forever,” he whispered, tightening his embrace.
“So do I…” you breathed back, smiling softly. “But only if you promise to pay the water bill after.”
He laughed quietly, the sound blending with the rhythm of the falling water.
