trigger finger

[xdy]

You've become so cold Angry at the little things you used to ignore Yelling or telling me no more I thought the warmth I bring will thaw your irritated facade But when you look at me All you see is flawed I've forgiven you many times from the sins you intentionally commited To make me change my mind You don't know the depth of my commitment We built this home Thought we would settle in it It became a laboratory of silence and resentment An alchemy that nature didn't intend A relationship that was bound to end

[xdy]

If my dna breeds suffering My ego is an offering I’m coming down from this hill Tumbling like Jill Still clutching the good times and remnants of how I used to know myself Born on the run Wavered by whatever’s fun Swept under the rug Parts of myself I didn’t face Slowly knowing what true beauty is like It’s in the slow moments in life Staring at the clouds The scent of rain A clean home A peaceful mind

[xdy]

Being a subject of yearning Your favorite fruit The one you're attracting Doesn't have a root planted Reached you so fast Thought that they planned it carefully Keeping the chase going Thoroughly Wanted to be fawned over Attention is sweet like a soft marshmallow Sooner or later, you'll discover That all of these acts are shallow Because the depth you attract is directly related to the substance you show

[xdy]

A divine breeze enveloped me While I was out walking A silent whisper into my conscience That all of the hardships and suffering were part of the grooves of a metaphorical crossbow And I'm the ammo Every heartbreak and misery pulled me back All I felt was negativity All I saw was continuous setback Little did I know The universe is winding me up Full of potential It was all just a set up Sharpened by the pain Now where do I f*cking aim?

[xdy]

Your eyes speak a familiar language

Every twitch

Every stare

Your speech contains hesitations

That are oddly familiar

It is the language of the broken

The silenced, the unspoken

Your favorite time to do laundry

is during heavy rain

You keep on doing normal stuff

even when you're in pain

Grief strikes at random

A wretched curse

Why does the pain last longer

When pleasure comes first?

[xdy]

"Let me in" A translated verse of verbose vampires Dressed as charming princes Narcissists Feeding off your loneliness your isolation You let them in Slowly succumbing To their soft words Carefully numbing Your skin with their cold hands, shaking Heated by breath of empty promises and white lies As pale as the face you will have when you realize Teeth have sunken Like the sun you saw for the last time

[xdy]

Find yourself the one who will also love the imperfections you so try hard to hide The one who can remember important things that slipped your mind Find yourself the one who reminds you your life is worth living who smiles when you do That even though situations aren't ideal They will keep staying and hold space Because you matter Find yourself You're the one who needs to love you more than anyone

[xdy]

Shipwreck

In this chapter of redefining love, the answer will not come from the heavens above, but from the depths where you held the anchor— too long to even remember.

You’ve let go, now floating back to the surface. The currents and your reluctance shift the hollow corpses, bones you once leaned on, long neglected.

Worry not. You’re here. A black-and-blue graveyard where dreams disappeared. Grieve the space between your broken bones. Then kill the performative clones, scratch the scar of your fears, and wipe those useless tears.

You’ve been cleansed by the lesson; now, surrender to the blessing.

[xdy]

The Joker

Bleeding confetti because we’re the life of the party. Behind closed doors, we hurt deeply. We can make anyone laugh because we know sadness and loneliness suck. From the staff to the VIPs, our wit isn’t because of luck. The intense contrast is a vivid representation. A life lived through pain. Humor is a cerebral transaction.

We joke like surgeons, cutting open silence with punchlines. Every laugh is a bandage, every smile a disguise. They think we sparkle, but the glitter is shrapnel. We bleed brilliance, because pain taught us how to shine.

[xdy]

Take a peek of what's hidden behind the mask He must move on and do this painful task What are people if not memories? The witnesses of his light The confidants of his plight The source of his might Erased from their heart, the familiarity was dissolved The weight of yearning of where his world once revolved What is love if given but not received? What is service if given but not perceived? Until the final hour, he is testing his vulnerability For with great power, comes great responsibility

[xdy]

I started dreaming again In the dream, I was happy Not the kind of happiness during my waking hours But the kind where it felt like I'm smelling flowers The kind of happiness where my soul breathed steady The kind of love that felt free from worry The feeling where I can just sit and let death take me My brain is usually like a pinball bouncing But in this dream, it was just on the spring It's time for me to wake up from this sweet slumber Launched so the goal may be a higher number

[xdy]

To be loved for who you are Not by the amount of money you make Not by the service you provide Not even by the feelings you make others feel But just by merely existing Through the experience you endured Through your unique mind Through your thoughtful courage Through your nurturing patience May you recognize the light you bring to this world To be a part of someone's life in any shape or form You may not know but your existence probably kept someone alive Inspiring them to carry on with love

[xdy]

You collect fine lines to rope your desires Building fragile bridges Flipping immoral switches For cheap dopamine twitches You easily give way for wrath You always chose the edge Instead of walking my own path I continually chose to bend I chose you 'cause I trusted you could lift me up Never thought that you'd be the cause this arrythmia What's constantly bending is bound to break Cut me some slack Let me heal the heartbreak

[xdy]

Your hugs diagonal Your love conditional Charismatic enough to lure But too shallow to endure Your keep building your house of glass Just to get some ass You water your plastic garden of promises deliberately forgotten No substance, no soil Every decision you make Makes my blood boil I loathe your reasoning Baseless Your life has no seasoning Tasteless You don't deserve happiness I wish for you to rest So I no longer feel this in my chest

[xdy]

Reverse $ui¢ide Pretend that I already died What would I do in the next day, year, decade, the rest of my life If my heart stops beating today I would reverse the "what-ifs" I would revisit the "I-used-to's" If I died today, my unachieved dreams dies with me My goals halted I will never know how my worth is valued The words I've spoken The smiles I've painted The space I held The potential stopped But the saddest thing from it all I set impossible standards for myself that I don't start to live

[xdy]

Where can I just be myself when everytime I try A killswitch engages On my desires and happiness Catching myself rationalizing That I deserve this nothingness Smoke clouds on my eyes as I see no future Wounds of my heart stitched with no suture Carrying the wrong weight How long must I wait It's harder now Don't ask me how All I can say is I'm not prepared for any of this So I'll just keep making everyone happy Even at the cost of my own sanity

[xdy]

I’m cleaning up the mess inside my heart So when someone finally comes It will be a nice experience 5 stars Not a hotel, but a home A space where she can finally put the guard down Be an ally she can count on Not another battle to prepare for Not another useless fight Not another lonely night Where every feeling is addressed Where every wish does not feel like a request Where smiles and laughter paint the walls Where music and love fills our souls